Warrior's death was used by Grace as a base talking point Photo Credit: WWE.com

Video via Headline News

Hashtag abuser and serial shock news peddler Nancy Grace tackled the Ultimate Warrior's death last night on her show on the Headline News Network. She welcomed Diamond Dallas Page onto the show as an expert guest and went on a semi-informed tirade about steroid abuse in wrestling. She covered the death with all the sensitivity one would expect from her, which is to say she had an agenda and kept ramming it into the camera and her guests' faces as if it were a battering ram crashing down the gates of Helms' Deep. Basically, she brought on medical experts to talk about how dangerous steroids are, rolled a list of premature deaths in wrestling, including Owen Hart, whose death had nothing to do with drug abuse, and then borderline harassed Page with her line of questioning.

Her treatment of Warrior's death and the wrestling business in general sparked a powder keg of outrage from wrestlers and wrestling fans alike, which is a shame, because someone who has journalistic integrity or any modicum of respect to subject material could have tackled the epidemic of substance abuse in pro wrestling and maybe made some headway into why drugs are readily available to these wrestlers. Instead, she picked the American boogeyman of steroids and hacked away until she got her desired fill of tirade.

Of course, her brand of rabble-rousing does no one any good. In a perfect world, she'd be easily ignored, but the amount of influence she holds among those who don't know any better is startling, and even more stunning is how wrong she is. Firstly, the inclusion of Hart, who died because he was forced into a dangerous working condition by a promoter who wanted the kick of seeing him rappel in from the rafters, is crass and places blame for his death on him instead of on Vince McMahon and the people who failed Hart and his safety. Martha Hart has had to suffer enough over the years, and she and her children do not need the indignity of ignorant Middle Americans who suckle on the teat of Grace's misinformation to harangue the memory of her husband further than it already has been.

Secondly, the steroid boogeyman is a disingenuous target and ignores the bigger problem of substance abuse in wrestling locker rooms. Blame is too easily assigned to steroids and other performance enhancing drugs when their monitored moderate use may have beneficial health effects. Any wrestler who died prematurely or who has had near death experiences more than likely owed his or her perils to substances other than or in addition to steroids. Buff Bagwell, Jeff Hardy, and Matt Hardy both have had public bouts with Somas. Scott Hall, Jake Roberts, and Eddie Guerrero all battled alcoholism. Chris Benoit was reportedly addicted to painkillers in addition to the steroids he was most certainly using. Cocaine use in the '80s WWF has been rumored to have been legendary in its scope. All of the above categories of intoxicants generally are considered far more dangerous than the use or even abuse of steroids.

But assuming that steroids lead to life-threatening problems, why is the blame nestled within the wrestlers themselves when the pressure to look like absurdly proportioned muscleheads comes from the top of the food chain? McMahon is the one who bears most of the blame, since the institutional pressure to look like you were sculpted from marble, especially in the absence of the Wellness Program, may have led to steroid abuse whether condoned by McMahon explicitly or not.

Wrestlers get used up by the business and spat out with a high risk of early death because of the atmosphere in locker rooms. Granted, WWE's Wellness Program is a step in the right direction. I'm not in those locker rooms, so I can't say with any veracity whether it works or not. Sadly, a lack of access keeps me from finding things out, and even those within the wrestling journalism community seem to be too niche and close to the source to enact any real change.

But if people in the national media really cared about wrestling and wrestlers, they wouldn't treat it like a sideshow with their foregone conclusions driving muckraking pieces meant to rile up Middle America into a panic. Nancy Grace would use her bully pulpit to dig deep, get answers to see whether conditions really have changed, and if not, put pressure on companies for the better of everyone involved within pro wrestling companies. Conglomerates like ESPN wouldn't allow shit-for-brains shock jocks like Colin Cowherd to "embrace debate" by poking the hornets' nest of wrestling fans by calling them nose-pickers.

Pro wrestling may not right now be the haute culture form of entertainment, and I don't know if it ever will be. However, the people who like it and those who perform in it are human beings, and they deserve the same respect as anyone in any other field or fandom. If pro wrestlers are dying early, they don't deserve scorn, they deserve help and attention. Nancy Grace prodding at Diamond Dallas Page and driving at an agenda doesn't help. It's just a shame no one better will come in, smack her down, and try to enact real journalistic change from a higher plane.

Oh the carnage Photo Credit: WWE.com

The list is almost complete, and this entry features one of the single greatest weeks in WWE's in-ring history.

Antonio Cesaro vs. Cody Rhodes vs. Damien Sandow vs. Dean Ambrose vs. Fandango vs. Jack Swagger vs. Wade Barrett, World Championship Shot Money in the Bank Ladder Match, WWE Money in the Bank, 7/14
This write-up originally appeared in my review for Money in the Bank.

The Blue Briefcase Money in the Bank ladder match was the thirteenth of its kind. I don't know if that number is a large enough sample size to definitively say that the form has attained perfection, but I saw masses of bodies move both harmoniously and in erratic entropy. I witnessed storytelling and raw spot play, teamwork and iconoclasm, catharsis snatched away from the crowd and the son of a son of a plumber at the last possible moment. Again, I'm not sure that we've seen enough of these matches to know what perfection looks like, but I'd be hard-pressed to say that any of the twelve preceding this match and the one that succeeded it at the end of the show were any better.

The thing about Money in the Bank is that it's inherently a junk food match, one where stories don't go to resolve, but where ones end up starting, or at the very least kicking into overdrive. So when psychology gets interwoven into the foray, and not just the kind of psych that usually pops up spur of the moment within a match, the whole proceedings get elevated. When Ambrose was announced as a participant in the match, everyone had to figure the rest of The Shield would get involved as well. They did, and when the Usos came out to neutralize the interlopers, they sucked another team into the vortex. The Real Americans got a newly-pressed name out of the whole thing, but before they leaped headlong into a tag war between a heretofore unknown police state and Samoa, they created some moments of synergy that I'm not sure had ever visited upon Money in the Bank.

When Jack Swagger served as the anthropomorphic stilts for Antonio Cesaro, I jumped out my chair and pumped my fist. I knew Cesaro wouldn't snag the briefcase and instead would just serve as a canvas for another high-impact, approaching-full-Ziggler bump. But the idea of it, two guys working together to make sure at least one of them was able to win individual glory, it flies in the face of traditional WWE logic, heel or face, that it refreshed an entire match concept. Even if most of their teamwork backfired on them, most spectacularly when Ambrose SKINNED THE GODDAMN CAT ON A LADDER they were bridging between themselves, it felt new.

But the story of the match was the rise of Cody Rhodes. It's intriguing that all you have to do in WWE is hit a few people with your finisher and look hella cool doing it to be the next big thing. It's almost like WWE audiences, as a collective, value badassery over traditional good guy traits. Hmm. Still, Rhodes didn't just break out all his stored finishes from inventory, but he did so with genetic Runnels family babyface fire. He earned catharsis from that crowd, but then again, in WWE, they really make you work for that kind of payoff if you're a good guy. Turning in one night isn't good enough. That's why Damien Sandow had to win. That's why he had to plunge the knife in the back of Rhodes Scholars. Because Rhodes' moment comes on another day.

Eddie Kingston vs. Eric Corvis, Wrestling Is Cool Cool Party, 7/21
This write-up originally appeared in my review for Cool Party.

Kingston was still new enough as a rudo that a sizable number of fans audibly cheered for him upon his entrance. To the best of my knowledge, this was the first time that Corvis had appeared for any Chikara-affiliated promotion. So, what did Kingston do? He threatened to destroy a cooling fan, harassed each and every one of the human fans, and gave Corvis the foundation upon which he could engineer a solid structure of fan following. Corvis then took that opportunity and ran with it.

The crowd-play, with the exception of an unnecessarily hateful remark towards a fan with brown skin that looked like he was of South Asian/Middle Eastern descent, was fine, but it had to be backed up with remarkable action. Kingston threw his bombs stiff and sure, but Corvis, who was billed as the "Wrestling Scientist," had heady counters, timely kicks, and even tried a bit of psychological warfare by breaking out Kingston's signature short Kawada chop flurry at one point. Corvis also bumped his ass off during the match, almost as if he knew Kingston was going a bit crazy from the heat. When he got his butt whipped, he certainly got his butt whipped.

But I keep going back to the part of the match when Kingston, haughtily discounting Corvis' abilities by turning his back to him for such a long time, shoving the front row fans out of the way and turning to face the young kid who was looking away from the ring too much. I could understand maybe the kid being scared to death that the big bad man who got all ornery and threw chairs into the ring would do something bad to him. Maybe it went a bit over the edge, but when Corvis blindsided Kingston as he was berating the kid, it made the whole exchange worthwhile. And when Corvis high-fived the kid? That made the entire show a success to me. I became an Eric Corvis fan at this show, and I gained a whole new appreciation for the War King. That's the mark of a great match.

Sheamus vs. Alberto del Rio, RAW, 7/22 - Watch highlights here!
I am a wimp. I could never make it in pro wrestling, even if I had the training. If I had a hangnail, I would be out for three months. That’s why it amazes me that Sheamus not only got into the ring with that metaphorical bullseye of a hematoma on his thigh, but allowed it to be the focal point of the match. Even if it didn’t hurt him one bit, the average viewer, in this case my wife who watches occasionally with me, noted that it looked like it was above and beyond what the normal threshold for a pro wrestler would be.

But again, a guy like Sheamus not only competed with the hematoma, but he hossed his way around the ring too. There was a brilliant sequence where del Rio countered a corner move into the cross armbreaker while draped over the top rope. Sheamus, with a look of feral adrenaline in his eyes, Backlund-short-armed him up just to shiv him with his forearm all the way down to the floor. Everything about that spot got the hairs on my back to stand up. Then, he went and skinned the cat on his signature “miss the dropkick and fly to the floor” spot only to have Sheamus drag him up for the chest clubs. See, the hematoma made me feel bad for Sheamus, but del Rio bumped so goddamn hard in this match. The bruise made it easy to overlook.

But that bruise, man, Sheamus deserves all the credit in the world for incorporating it into the match and keeping track of it. From beginning to end, the leg was a factor, even up to the stellar finish. Some people kvetched about del Rio going for the cross armbreaker, but man, that was one misstep, and it actually added to the realism. Sometimes, adrenaline gets you. The important part? Sheamus lost thanks to his bum leg. That was great capper on a great match.

Antonio Cesaro vs. Daniel Bryan, RAW, 7/22 - Watch highlights here!
One day, I’m going to talk to my children and my children’s children. I am going to regale them about the time I first saw Daniel Bryan and Antonio Cesaro, as Bryan Danielson and Claudio Castagnoli. And I’m going to tell them that they were in a team called Team Uppercut. Then I’m going to tell them all about their select appearances for Chikara, where they threw European uppercuts at everyone. Then I’m going to show them the sequence in this match, this RAW match, where Cesaro and Bryan Euro-cutted each other into attempted submission. They will get the context. And we will have a moment to bond over. Over wrestling.

I knew that Cesaro and Bryan would deliver if given a stage, no matter how big or small. I was fearful when Bryan had just dispatched Jack Swagger in like three minutes beforehand. Bryan and Cesaro would get five minutes before Randy Orton or Big Show or Ryback would come out to be the meaty portion of a show where Bryan was tasked with carrying the final 45-50 minutes. But to my pleasant surprise, two of the best wrestlers in WWE, nay, the world, got over 20 minutes to be the best, to do what they’d done a billion times before in the indies, although not that one time in PWG when they did nothing but headlocks. Well, Cesaro had his headlock game going, but I figure if they tried to troll a WWE audience, well, yeah, let’s not ruminate on that.

Still, there was Cesaro landing Swiss Death and the Alpamare Waterslide. There was Bryan flying like a racquetball made of kinetic energy and carbon steel at both Cesaro and Swagger. Bryan landing forearms on Cesaro out of the Figure 4. Cesaro wrenching Bryan like he was a rag doll. And then the finish, the perfection of the Mr. Small Package personality, where Bryan countered a pop-up uppercut into a fucking inside cradle. You don’t teach that kind of frenzy. That’s instinctual on both ends. But it was expected from the two. Was it fair? You might say no, but hey, they delivered. Because they’re the best in the world. Because they’re two guys that I am going to tell my kids and grandkids about.

Christian vs. Alberto del Rio, RAW, 7/29 (airdate) - Watch highlights here!
Alberto del Rio takes bumps in every match, both a flaw and a highlight. Christian, however, has a somewhat of a low impact offense outside of his finishing set. Then again, Christian is such a cagey wrestler that he finds ways to work his opponents’ strengths into the match. del Rio needs a way to get to the floor? Let Christian flip him over the ropes in the corner. Sure, he didn’t do his normal missed dropkick through the ropes, but you gotta change it up every once in awhile. Both guys know how to go above and beyond on limb work, referenced by del Rio dropkicking Christian’s arm against the ring steps. Their timing on the match finish was sublime as well. Christian’s roll through may have been the best I’ve ever seen the cross armbreaker countered.

Alberto del Rio vs. Cody Rhodes, Main Event, 8/14 (airdate) - Watch highlights here!
When you get Alberto del Rio chewing canvas in a match, you’re going to get an effort at working the arm. If he were a Pokemon, his ability would be “Limb Attack.” Okay, I just went super nerdy on your asses. Anyway, on his best nights, del Rio is able to provide a masterclass to anyone looking on what it means to target a body part. If that means wrenching Rhodes’ arm from the outside over the rope, then so be it. If it means clutching the cross armbreaker illegally while hanging over the ropes, hey, go for it. If it means tossing Rhodes into the corner shoulder first, then by all means, do it. From first blood all the way to the end flourish into the armbreaker, punching Rhodes’ hands to break the link preventing del Rio from locking in the hold all the way, del Rio is a boss at this kind of thing.

Of course, without a strong, sympathetic figure to canvas that attack against, limb attack comes off as sterile, mechanical. Rhodes’ genetically-passed-down babyface fire burnt bright during the match, as he had answers for questions that del Rio hadn’t even asked yet. Some of his bright spots were trying, trying, trying again, especially on his Disaster Kick and a shining wizard that whiffed early but hit late. Other points saw him throw caution to the wind and hit on moves like a moonsault, even if it meant landing his gut flush on del Rio’s shoulder. I’m not sure if that was intentional, but if it was? Then Rhodes is a goddamn genius.

Basically, in a world full of Hulk Hogans, Rhodes showed a Southern style babyface, the one who isn’t dominant in victory, but promises eternal hope even in consecutive defeat, can survive in the Yankee territory. For John Cena, hitting the Attitude Adjustment means certain victory against anyone not named The Rock or CM Punk (read, the upper upper echelon of opponents). For Cody Rhodes, the CrossRhodes only meant a stay of execution, a hope that maybe del Rio wouldn’t make him tap. For the time they both wallowed on the canvas, that hope sprang eternal, and on a show like Main Event, where the process means so much more than the results ever will, hope and not winning is the currency.

Christian vs. Damien Sandow, Smackdown, 8/16 (airdate) - Watch highlights here!
I named my bump intensity gauge the Ziggler Scale, but let’s face it. Christian has been going Full Ziggler before its namesake was the nameless caddy for Kerwin White. Sandow gave him a kneelift while he was draped over the top rope, and as he crashed all the way to the floor, I knew the bump-fest was on. Rammed into the ring steps? Slammed on the apron? Laid out on said apron while Sandow stood on top of him? Yes, yes, and yes!

The finish was definitely well done. First, Sandow escaping the Killswitch with a cartwheel felt unique, even if it seemed like it should have happened a couple of times. Cartwheels are old as time, right? Christian answered with some cageyness of his own, rolling away from the Cubito Aequet, only to draw Sandow in for the inside cradle victory. Two veterans doing veteran things will always bring random Smackdown matches to life, especially towards the end of them.

SMASH! SMASH! SMASH! Photo Credit: WWE.com

Brock Lesnar vs. CM Punk, SummerSlam, 8/18
The greatest Attitude Era match did not happen in the Attitude Era; it took place at SummerSlam thirteen years after it ended. Brock Lesnar, CM Punk, and Paul Heyman put on a clinic of how to construct a match where every option used to club away at the “sport” aspect of sports entertainment was exhausted, driven into the ground without Vince Russo’s trademark loss of an internal possession of common sense. I don’t know if a sample size of one match can vindicate an entire time-shifted style of wrestling, but it at least proved to me that no matter how many times the fabric of a sporting contest is rent asunder in a single match that it can still work within the same universe as, say, the Johnny Saint vs. Johnny Kidd World of Sport exhibition.

How did that match become a paradigm? Well, they told a story and stuck to it. Punk was mad at Lesnar, but he was even more mad at Heyman. Despite his desire to best the Beast, his hubris and anger wouldn’t let him totally ignore Heyman. Any time he’d have Lesnar on the ropes, Punk would leave him behind as if the magic WCW fairies would come out and grant him a victory so he could feast on Heyman’s prone carcass. Heyman, with a point to prove, took those threats and physical contact from Punk and used it as fuel to drop his pretenses and get involved on Lesnar’s behalf.

And Lesnar himself? Well, he came to a street fight the way he’d always come to street fights, with anger in his eyes, trash talk on his lips, and a hayseed simple machine for a brain that only has two settings: kill and “Say somethin’ stupid, Paul.” The scariest thing in the world is to see a guy who doesn’t need to resort to extracurricular weaponry bring in the chair just for fun. Put all three of those elements together, turn up the trash TV factor, and up the brutality a billion percent, and voila, you get a perfect distillation of the hyperbaric chamber of rock ‘n roll decadence that inspired TNA to copy everything about it and ROH to rebel against everything it stood for. I’d say that makes this match an unequivocal success, wouldn’t you?

John Cena (c) vs. Daniel Bryan, WWE Championship Match, SummerSlam, 8/18
This write-up originally appeared in my review for SummerSlam.

I've long maintained that John Cena and Daniel Bryan could very well have the best possible WWE pay-per-view main event of the current roster as situated. The build to this match was very much Cena in so many roundabout words that he wasn't an entertainer, while Bryan directly attacked Cena's bona fides as a wrestler. However, in my heart of hearts, I know and have always known that Cena is an entertainer who is one of the best wrestlers, and Bryan is a grappler's grappler who is pretty snazzy as a personality himself. If any two guys could carry the "event" match mantel better than Cena and CM Punk could, these two would be the combination.

Each wrestler slipped into the mold that was not attributed to them at various points in the match. Usually, Cena deviates from his "Five Moves of Doom" formula later in the match when he's exhausted options, but he busted out a powerbomb early on as a slick counter. And yeah, while he didn't actually drop Bryan on his head in that corner dissension counter that looked curiously like a Ganso Bomb, the maneuvering in the corner was very puroresu in dialect. Cena had to be direct with addressing his accusations because they were directly laid at his doorstep.

Bryan, however, was able to be more subtle in addressing his concerns, because Cena didn't directly lay them at his feet in the promo build. But Bryan proved he could be every bit the franchise for WWE as Cena is now. He hit all the beats, assumed some of the Super Cena oeuvre, something that might have gone unnoticed because Bryan didn't totally no-sell everything thrown at him. But Bryan doesn't want to be Cena. He wants to be the first Daniel Bryan, so he just countered everything Cena threw at him. He showed why he's the best wrestler.

I heard rumblings on social media at the time that all the beats were setting up Cena to come back, but the beauty in this match was that it was always set up for Bryan to win. He lured Cena into his spider's lair, and they traded false finishes and counters like they were rolling around the canvas at the Hammerstein Ballroom at Final Battle. Daniel Bryan's match was wrestled in the main event of SummerSlam, so of course, it was going to be won with him pulling a heretofore unused move out of his bag of tricks, in this case, the second finisher to be borrowed from KENTA and the only one worth adopting for an American audience. If this match didn't prove that Bryan had at least a share of WWE's heart, nothing even could. A perfect cap for a stellar event.

Sami Zayn vs. Antonio Cesaro, 2 out of 3 Falls Match, NXT, 8/21 (airdate)
Sami Zayn saw his opportunity and struck. The preceding sentence could describe the overall theme of the story told throughout the entire feud, let alone this match. Zayn saw his opening right at the beginning, diving with a tope con hilo, beautifully hit almost as a somersault bulldog or clothesline. He repeated a spot from their first match, combining a victory roll and a Yoshi Tonic. He saw the final fall in his grasp with the most physically impossible looking tornado DDT on the outside leaping THROUGH the turnbuckle gap.

Thing was, Zayn had to take every opportunity, whether it was presented to him or whether he had to scratch and claw to pull it out of thin air. Cesaro put his hoss on display at every turn, exerting his statuesque frame and hulking, chiseled muscles over Zayn’s beanpole. Unlike, say, Mason Ryan, Cesaro knew how to put the Swiss Superman frame to good use. Notice the first fall came in guerrilla fashion, Zayn catching Cesaro off guard from the aforementioned tope and then with the corner Yakuza kick. Everything that Cesaro did, however, made him look like the human avalanche he was putting the rush down on small town that was Zayn.

See, when they met as Claudio Castagnoli and El Generico on the indies, they were equals, guys whose only shared difference was their size. Generico had cache to throw all his signature offense at Castagnoli. But in a new setting, they had to create a new story, cast new roles for themselves. Tapping out to a chinlock would have been inconceivable in PWG or ROH, but it made total sense for Zayn to put hand to the mat lest he get choked the fuck out by Cesaro. Besides, a Cesaro chinlock looks more like a sleeper hold than anything else.

And thus, we arrive at the finish, one that would have worked on any level. Zayn had the match in tow, he really did. But his time hadn’t arrived yet, so Cesaro had to squash his comeback, but the way in which he put Zayn down, man, it would have been such a downer if it wasn’t done with Herculean strength and balance topped with impeccable timing. He had to let the crowd think that Zayn was going to take the aforementioned tornado DDT home and win. Any other way would’ve felt cheap.

Estonian Thunder Frog vs. Drew Gulak, Wrestling Is Cool Endless Winter, 8/25
This write-up originally appeared in my review for Endless Winter.

I wasn't surprised to see that the Estonian Thunder Frog had the bona fides to go to the mat and wrestle Drew Gulak's match with him. Obviously, he was either a product of the Chikara Wrestle Factory, or he had the skills that made Chikara and himself mutually attractive to each other. I appreciated the down-to-the-mat approach too. Again, I'm a huge fan of mat wrestling, World of Sport, counterwrestling, and all that jazz.

What I was surprised at was the fact that the Frog went to the mat so readily. Every time I've seen the Thunder Frog wrestle, he's been exaggerated, over the top with his comedy. I appreciate that style too. You should know by now that I appreciate all styles of wrestling, but that's neither here nor there. Seeing him work the mat with Gulak and keep up with the mat master confirmed everything I already knew about the Chikara family.

In addition to the excellent mat work, they worked in plenty of tasty spots throughout all phases of the match. Gulak picking the Frog out of the air with a sunset flip on a typical leapfrog was probably my spot of the match, just because I'm naturally drawn to taking banal, almost commonplace spots in a match and adding on something unexpected to them. Gulak showed he could keep up with T-Frog in the hoss department with some deadlift suplex impressiveness, and the finish was very well done.

House Slytherin EXPLODES Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein

Ophidian and Amasis vs. Mark Andrews and Pete Dunne, Wrestling Is Cool Endless Winter, 8/25
The British imports played like a variation on the Young Bucks, and luckily for me, I love the Young Bucks. The Bucks and the Portal are a dream match of mine, so this one had to do. The two teams broke in early with mat work, but when they started with the pyrotechnics, stuff got hot and heavy in an instant. I couldn’t keep up with writing down what moves they were doing, but then again, maybe their pace was the way of telling me that I wasn’t supposed to be writing it. But for all the double team bombast, the best moment in the match saw Dunne performing a feat of hossdom I could never expect, a double single leg crab on both members of the Portal.

Daniel Bryan vs. Seth Rollins, RAW, 8/26
Seth Rollins went Full Ziggler three times in this match. Three. You shouldn’t go Full Ziggler once every three matches. Rollins is crazy, but he is bumping his ass off for our enjoyment. Honestly, Bryan doesn’t really need the help to make his offense look tremendous and effective. He is the reigning Best in the World, right? But maybe that’s why Rollins and Bryan have such great synergy. Would anyone else think to rocket themselves into the announce table like Rollins did for Bryan’s Superman plancha? Would anyone else take the inside out German superplex period? Rollins has improved so much since coming to WWE in my estimation, but at this period in time, after two singles matches with Bryan that have made this list, the old maxim remains true: Seth Rollins always has great matches with Daniel Bryan (and Nigel McGuinness… I miss Nigel, for what it’s worth).

Sami Zayn vs. Jack Swagger, NXT, 9/4 (airdate)
Zayn and Swagger had an epic match to follow up, but thankfully for us, the fans, they nearly got to the pinnacles reached when the former wrestled the latter’s tag partner two weeks prior. Swagger played the meathead bully a bit more than Antonio Cesaro did, but of the two hosses that comprise the Real Americans, Swagger is the brute force. The Swiss Superman is the finesse partner. Zayn, thankfully, plays well off both. I think he would have had a better match with 2009 Swagger or someone like Swagger who’s better now, but for now, the lot we’re cast is this one.

Zayn thrives against brute force because he’s allowed to bump and sell with greater effect. The most effective example was late in the match when Swagger pulled him in for a short-arm lariat and Zayn folded inside out and popped up as if he was drunk on the liquor of cranial impact. That tidbit might have been the best bit of anything in either match. However, Zayn had his vulnerability shoes on for the entire match, going hard into corners, reaching up to the air for help that wasn’t there (Kevin Steen?), playing to appeal, working psychology (making sure he landed the Yakuza kick with the foot that wasn’t just in the ankle lock). He, like Ricky Steamboat before him, is an elemental babyface, and those kinds of guys tend to do well in WWE.

While the Cesaro match was the blowoff of a story, this match served as a bridge to a different one. For as much as I would have loved Zayn to take Swagger out in the middle of the ring, and there were many spots where I thought he shone offensively as well (his picture perfect tope con giro or the signature-from-the-indies Yakuza kick or his magnificent Blue Thunder Bomb), Bo Dallas running distraction to allow Swagger getting the tap out victory was the right call. Still, even if the finish was slightly deflating, this was a perfect complement to the Cesaro match.

Ryback vs. Dolph Ziggler, Smackdown, 9/6 (airdate) - Watch highlights here!
Ryback works too believably from underneath for his own good, but I admit his vulnerability creates a match environment that I enjoy. He’ll bump, although not nearly at the scale of his opponent in this match does on a regular basis. Maybe Ziggler is learning. He didn’t come close to going FULL ZIGGLER, but Ryback took Ziggler’s signature hard shoulder in the post and then a tumble to the steps on the outside. Assist goes to Dean Ambrose in this match for the timely and made eminent sense. Outside interference isn’t always this cringe-inducing intrusion, especially when it’s done correctly. But where this match’s lynchpin lay was a sequence in the middle where Ryback squeezed the air out of Ziggler’s midsection with a bearhug. As Ziggler squirmed out, Ryback exerted his dominance by pressing Ziggler down, shoulders to the mat. Sometimes, the simplest, safest wrinkles are the ones that make matches.

Daniel Bryan vs. Seth Rollins, Smackdown, 9/6 (airdate) - Watch highlights here!
Bryan and Rollins had a tall order trying to live up to their RAW match, but both guys are savvy enough to know not to work the same match twice in a row if the same crowd was going to see it. They took stuff that worked - the insane bumps, German suplexes, THAT DAMN NUMBERS GAME - and worked them into different scenarios. Instead of a top rope inside out German, Bryan laid Rollins out with a high angle snap version on the ground. Rollins slammed Bryan into the ring steps around the outside, almost analogous to the Garvin stomp. Bryan finally assumed the role of WWE ace by keeping the Shield at bay by himself, but he didn’t do it through no-sells or Herculean feats of strength. Guerrilla warfare befits a small, smart, and sage wrestler. The little things that make sense are the lube to the gears that turn and create the grand match experiences, and no two wrestlers seem to know that more than both Rollins and especially Bryan.

Goldust vs. Randy Orton, RAW, 9/9 - Watch it here!
The crowd chanted “You still got it!” at Goldust in the beginning of the match, as if they didn’t see him sporadically wrestle in WWE for the last five years. Then again, I’m not sure how many people paid attention to Superstars and WWECW. Either way, Goldie hit all his beats against a rejuvenated Randy Orton, and Orton gave Goldie reasons to bump during the match. I think I’m justified in saying that Orton sets up his barricade back suplex more organically than his stump DDT, and here, that spot drove home the enmity that Corporation Nouveau had towards the Rhodes family. Major props to Goldie for breaking out the Crossrhodes here too.

Daniel Bryan vs. Dean Ambrose, RAW, 9/9
If Triple H is trying to get over as a heel by making Bryan get in the ring with each member of the Shield, he’s doing an awful job of it. Every match Bryan has gotten in up to this point in the year has taken on the tenor of a pay-per-view main event, especially when paired with one of his old independent foes in Ambrose. The two chewed time over two segments of show and stoked the coals of a fading crowd back into a frenzy. Who said people didn’t care about wrestling matches again? Oh, right, the guys who couldn’t realize what they had and purposefully threw out Steve Austin and Mick Foley into garbage time scenarios on ADHD-addled RAWs. Welp, there I go making facetious, cross-era comparisons that may or may not be valid. I’m just as bad! But I digress.

Ambrose and Bryan jutted into well-worn ruts to great effect while building some new track to continue their tapestry. I will never tire of seeing Bryan break into the halfway applied Romero special, resting so that both guys are upright, and then reaching for the nosehook. I don’t know whether an evil esper lives in my brain that likes seeing soft tissue and cartilage tugged at, but hey, my itch gets scratched. I also predict that one day, when Bryan finally completes his kick flurry as the crowd goes “Whooooooaaaaaa,” the audience will immolate. He’d set it up for far too long. However, the new twists added to the match were what turned the contest from notable to outstanding.

Bryan’s back superplex was a different spot than the inside out German superplex he gave to Rollins the week before, and it made sense because different opponents call for different measures. Both wrestlers bumped their asses off, and in Bryan’s case, he bumped his ass in when he flew into the turnbuckle posterior first. The attempted interference added both a heroic layer and a story layer, and Ambrose beckoning Bryan to stay down before he fell victim to the small package was the white truffle shaved upon the chef’s special. Amazing, amazing stuff.

Hoss face-off! Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein

Michael Elgin vs. Kevin Steen, ROH Championship Tournament Semifinal, ROH Death before Dishonor XI, 9/20
This write-up originally appeared in my review for Death before Dishonor.

I've criticized Elgin a lot since I first was really immersed in his star at Battle of Los Angeles in 2012. The art of HOSS is a delicate one, which seems paradoxical on the surface. Hosses are huge dudes who throw hands and sell more gradually than smaller wrestlers, but invincibility feels like an art that requires a lot of fine tuning. Elgin has always felt robotic, mechanical, sterile to me, and in theory, those qualities aren't bad, per se. However, I feel like the character Elgin has and the way he has executed in the ring always were disconnected, at least until I saw him at Death before Dishonor.

While Kevin Steen is almost always excellent, I don't want to give him all the credit. Still, the way he does the little things, like getting red-faced over "Mr. Wrestling!" chants, grasping for a rope break on a simple arm-wringer, or grumbling at the ref for petty issues adds so much to his bigger picture. If a perfect opponent for Elgin to work as a canvas off existed, I feel like Steen is that guy. That synergy shone through in this match. Steen's heft made Elgin's strongman deadlift spots - ESPECIALLY the Everest German - look that much more impressive, and Steen dealt on his strikes and moves like he always does.

But Elgin was the revelation to me, here. For the first time since I saw him wrestle Chris Hero at the Armory in January of 2012, I saw him emote, sell with vigor, and actually participate in a wrestling match that was a story different than him going all golem and shrugging off blows like he was all hopped up on Mario Starman. The most telling part of the match for me was when Elgin took a Steen sleeperplex, got up on all fours with exasperation in his face, and grabbed his neck before rising slowly to Steen's disbelief. This match featured the Michael Elgin I want to see.

Dean Ambrose, Roman Reigns, and Seth Rollins vs. Dolph Ziggler and Jimmy and Jey Uso, RAW, 9/30 - Watch highlights here!
Shield six man tags never get old. Ever. They may start slow sometimes, but even after ten complete months of them working trios magic against permutations of opponents from a pool of no more than ten possible foes, they always have at least one stretch that leaves the jaws dropped. In this particular contest, the hot tag sequence to Ziggler until the match finish was complete visual wrestling sex. Ziggler showed why at least in the ring he’s made to be a babyface, and the Shield’s manipulation of the even strength into a numbers advantage was on full display.

Drew Gulak has gone nuclear on the independent scene in the last couple of years. Thanks to Beyond Wrestling making him one of its cornerstones, Wrestling Is allowing him to have main event broadways at every turn, and Dragon Gate USA/EVOLVE taking a shine to him, Gulak has become one of the most recognizable unsigned names in America. However, none of the above would have been possible without his ongoing stint in Combat Zone Wrestling. The following is a promo from the beginning stages of his "Campaign for a Better Combat Zone," and it has all the kitsch of a bad political television ad only with the entertainment value being intentional.


This week's TBT subject comes to us courtesy of @dwkii.

Expect more shenanigans between these two this weekend Photo Credit: Gregory Davis/Dirty Dirty Sheets

The weekend has arrived, and with it, wrestling shows out the wazoo are on the calendars of arenas and halls around the country. If you love wrestling, then going to one of the myriad of shows is almost imperative for you. Shows are going on all around the world. The following are the best ones across North America.

FRIDAY

The Berwyn Eagles Club in Berwyn, IL has a jam-packed weekend of wrestling, and it begins with AAW's Point of No Return. Doors open at 7 PM local time, and the club will be serving beers for $1.25. When you're good and liquored up, you'll be treated to a main event featuring Shane Hollister defending the AAW Championship against Jimmy Jacobs. Alex Shelley takes a sojourn from splitting time in Japan to tour the US, and his AAW stop is against Kyle O'Reilly. Heidi Lovelace and Athena team up to kick off SHIMMER weekend against Neveah and Jessicka Havok. Saraya Knight, the Irish Airborne, Matt Cage, Silas Young, Eddie Kingston, Lince Dorado, Rich Swann, Arik Cannon, Louis Lyndon, Juntai Miller, Gregory Iron, Marion Fontaine, and of course, ACH will also be making the trip out to Chicagoland.

Empire Pro Wrestling branches out to the Sale Creek Middle/High School in Sale Creek, TN, for rare Friday night action. Doors open at 7 PM, and any school student who also brings a paying customer with them gets in for free. On the show, Shaun Tempers teams with Matt Fortune to take on Andrew Alexander and Ace Rockwell. Kyle Matthews is also scheduled to appear.

NWA Southern All-Star Wrestling hits up the SAWMill Arena once again as is tradition on Friday nights. Head to the venue in Millsville, TN to see "Prime Time" Brian Lee, Jason Kincaid, and current Indy Power Poll Tag Team powerhouse Team IOU in action.

SATURDAY

The first SHIMMER weekend of 2014 starts at the Berwyn Eagles Club in Berwyn, IL. The Saturday bell time for the first show will be 2 PM. As is custom, no matches have been announced in advance, but the list of superstars appearing is impressive. LuFisto and Mercedes Martinez will both be there, which could explode due to the latter costing the former her chance at capturing the SHIMMER World Championship. Speaking of which, Champ Cheerleader Melissa will be there, as will the Tag Team Champions Kellie Skater and Tomoka Nakagawa. The Canadian Ninjas, Hikaru Shida, Kana, Veda Scott, Madison Eagles, Mia Yim, Athena, Yumi Ohka, Courtney Rush, Jessicka Havok, Evie, Saraya Knight, and Nikki Storm are among the other wrestlers slated to appear.

Combat Zone Wrestling's annual Best of the Best Tournament happens Saturday at the Flyers Skate Zone in Voorhees, NJ at 7:30 PM. You can order the show on CZW Internet pay-per-view. The titular tournament features 12 of the brightest stars on the indies. The first round matches are as follows: Caleb Konley vs. Azrieal vs. Biff Busick, "Dirty" Buxx Belmar vs. Chuck Taylor vs. Lucky tHURTeen, AR Fox vs. Andrew Everett vs. "Speedball" Mike Bailey, and Drake Younger vs. Timothy Thatcher vs. Papadon. The semifinals and finals will also take place at this show. Additionally, Devon Moore looks to take the Wired Television Championship from Shane Strickland in a ladder match, the Irish Airborne takes on the Juicy Product with a shot at the Tag Team Championships on the line, and Tommy Dreamer will team with BLK Jeez against DJ Hyde and a mystery partner.

Excellence Pro Wrestling hits up the Forest Lodge VFW in Sellersville, PA with doors opening at 6:30 PM local time. assailANT, the Estonian Thunder Frog, and Eric Corvis collide in three-way action. Mark Angelosetti will look to dump the nerd known as Missile Assault Ant. Also appearing on the show will be Juan Francisco de Coronado, Icarus, Hallowicked, Blaster McMassive, Oleg the Usurper, Kobald, and the Proletariat Boar of Moldova.

International Wrestling Cartel's Night of the Superstars 3 takes place live at the Meadville Area High School in Meadville, PA at 7 PM local time. The main event pits Super Indy Champion RJ City against Davey Boy Smith, Jr., who'll have uncle Bret Hart in his corner. AJ Styles will invade IWC to battle former Super Indy Champion Anthony Nese. The IWC Championship is on the line as Dalton Castle defends against Matt Taven, fellow ROH roster member Bobby Fish battles Matt Striker. Also appearing on the show will be John McChesney, Zema Ion, Facade, Gregory Iron, Asylum, and the goddamn STEINER BROS.

Dreamwave Wrestling's Anniversary Show comes at you live from the Knights of Columbus Hall in LaSalle, IL, bell time of 7 PM. Jim Cornette and the Jarretts - Jeff and Karen - will be guest stars at the show. Michael Elgin will challenge Christian Rose for the DWW Championship, while Reed Bentley looks to fend off the challenges of Lince Dorado and Rich Swann for his Alternative Championship. Two high-flying matches will look to steal the show. Matt Cage duels with Prince Mustafa Ali in one match, while Marshe Rockett does battle with Shane Hollister in another. Also booked for this show are Johnny Gargano, Darin Corbin, Arik Cannon, and Arya Daivari.

Elite Canadian Championship Wrestling's Seek and Destroy is emanating live from the Russian Community Center in Vancouver, BC at 8 PM local time. Among the talent appearing on the show will be the Bollywood Boyz and the King of the Yukon.

River City Wrestling's 12th Anniversary Show takes place at the Turner Club in Kirby, TX. Doors open at 7:30 PM. The main event will pit RCW Legend Champion Homicide against International Champion Masada against Sammy Guevara in the main event. Also, Hell has frozen over, as Darin Childs will lead his team of ACW stalwarts Matthew Palmer, Thomas Shire, and Bad Blood against D-Von Dudley, Hernandez, Joey Spector, and Christian Valenz.

West Coast Wrestling Connection invades the Houck Middle School in Salem, OR, with bell time at 6 PM. Adam Pearce and Jeremy Blanchard will appear.

NWA Smoky Mountain is on its last stop before the Smoky Mountain Cup. The show at the National Guard Armory in Rogersville, TN starts at 8 PM, and the featured superstars include Sigmon.

Empire Pro Wrestling returns to 22 Austin Avenue in Rossville, GA on Saturday at 8:05 PM in its final tune-up show for Tooth 'n Nail 3. The participants in the double main event at the big event next week will coalesce in a tag match this week. Shaun Tempers teams with Bobby Hayes to take on Andrew Alexander and Tank.

Anarchy Wrestling tapes for television again from the Anarchy Arena in Cornelia, GA. Bell time is 8 PM. Wrestlers scheduled to appear are Mike Posey, the Washington Bullets, "Hit for Hire" Bobby Moore, Corey Hollis, and Stryknyn.

SUNDAY

SHIMMER's weekend rolls on at the same venue with the same slate of wrestlers. The Sunday bell time is at 1 PM.

Beyond Wrestling will be holding a secret show somewhere near Voorhees, NJ. Seats are still available, so if you are interested, e-mail Denver Colorado (the man, not the place!) at beyondwrestling AT gmail DOT com.

IWA Mid-South's Thunder after Thunder takes place at the Jammerz Rollerdome in Clarksville, IN. Doors open at 6 PM. The main event will pit Reed Bentley against Jeff Jarrett. In Drake Younger's final IWA-MS match, he will go up against BJ Whitmer. In what will be a barnburner, Danny Cannon faces his stiffest challenge yet in Jonathan Gresham. Also appearing on the show will be Hurricane Helms and Mickie Knuckles.

On Point Wrestling will be raising awareness for cerebral palsy with its Pennsylvania debut in Springfield at the Cardinal Krol Center. Doors open at 1 PM local time. Gregory Iron will be there, as will Matt Tremont, Colony Xtreme Force, assailANT, the Estonian Thunder Frog, and Qefka the Quiet.

As you can see, this weekend is loaded. Shows are happening everywhere, but none of them will matter if you don't go to see one. Wrestling needs support to grow, and besides, your favorite wrestler or promotion may be out there. You just might not know it yet.

Sandow's not in a playful mood here Photo Credit: WWE.com

The final 20 matches in the top 100 for 2013. Enjoy.

Santino Marella vs. Damien Sandow, Main Event, 10/2 (airdate) - Watch highlights here!
People who hate on Santino grate on my nerves. I understand not liking him; pleasure taken from watching a wrestler is your prerogative. But when people try and say he has no place on the show because he’s too cartoony, I start to get antsy. Do these fucking people know how absurd taking men pretending to fight in their underwear too seriously is? Comic relief fits in the picture, and Marella is the undisputed king of it in WWE at present time.

His prowess doesn’t just lay in absurdities. Granted, when he rammed his head into the turnbuckle to fire himself up, only to fall down to the mat in punch-drunken stupor, I grinned from ear to ear. What can I say, I’m a huge fan of Chris Farley’s far-too-short filmography. He’s a master of timing, grasping the moment, knowing when to flail, when to strike, and how to work in different strains of his character into his fighting style. The last time I saw Marella in a prolonged match, he spent a good chunk of the 2011 Royal Rumble flopping around the outside of the ring, waiting for one big finish with Alberto del Rio, so I was a bit concerned at how being in the “main event” spot of Main Event would play out. However, he and Sandow were able to flesh out an entire match comprised mostly around the Cobra.

To Sandow’s immense credit, he was adept at handling Santino’s unique brand of offense. The dichotomy of looking on with the words “what the fuck” in your brain at some of his more out-there spots while at the same time needing to sell being afraid of the Cobra is jarring, especially when instances such as Sandow giving no fucks about power-walking preceding him hiding in the ropes from a Cobra tease. But in the grand scheme of things, their interplay worked. More than his intelligence, Sandow’s viciousness got him to the game, which played into how well the end of the match worked for me. If you want to beat the Cobra, you’re going to have to skin it while stepping on its throat. Sandow had the right idea all along.

Emma and Santino Marella vs. Summer Rae and Fandango, NXT, 10/2 (airdate)
Can a match be cute? This tag match, mostly due to the lovable synchronicity between Emma and Marella, was totally cute. Emma got him into doing her dance, and they tagged in and out while trying to tag together, and as the grand finale, they ran through Marella’s spots together. Fandango, the comedic character that takes itself way too seriously, and A+ scowl game Summer Rae were great foils for them in this match, working in classic heel tag team tropes and allowing themselves to get into sticky situations. Most notably, the first real spot of the match had both Marella and Fandango catching each other’s kicks going into a face-off. That sequence set the tone for a grand opener and one of the best comedic matches of the year.

Cody Rhodes and Goldust vs. Roman Reigns and Seth Rollins, Battleground, 10/6
This write-up originally appeared in my review for Battleground.

Dusty Rhodes should know a thing or two about tag team wrestling. He had the Rock 'n Roll Express battle the Midnights across the South using a tried-and-true formula built to get the most out of a crowd even without the benefit of a Ric Flair or a Magnum TA. His two sons and their black-clad foes may not have had Express attached to the back of their team names, but by God, they imported the formula straight out of the Jim Crockett Promotions B-circuit and played that Buffalo crowd like a fiddle.

From the point when the two triads stood off on the outside, teasing what could have been my dream King of Trios match in another life, until Papa Dust laid that Bionic Elbow on Dean Ambrose into son Cody delivering his best Cross Rhodes ever, this match delivered everything I could have wanted in a high stakes tag match without any gold on the line. Goldust brought his savvy. Cody Rhodes had the fire. Reigns had muscle, and Rollins? Every time he took a big move, whether it was the springboard dropkick or the Alabama Slam, he did what he does best.

On top of the big heat segments and hot tags and the shenanigans from Big Dust and Ambrose, each team didn't disappoint with furthering their own agendas. Most notably, Rollins kept the Shield-as-a-well-oiled-unit story trope alive by dragging Reigns out of the ring on a rope-run, saving him from some Rhodes-dealt damage. But no matter what, the Cross Rhodes and the ensuing celebration was what solidified this match for me. They had a specific story to tell, and they nailed every beat. Sometimes, wrestling can be so simple and yet so satisfying in said simplicity.

Roman Reigns and Seth Rollins (c) vs. Cody Rhodes and Goldust, No Disqualification WWE Tag Team Championship Match, RAW, 10/14 - Watch highlights here!
During the Attitude Era, WWE tried to book matches with interference stacked upon interference with the most absurd things happening consecutively but being erased by even more ludicrous action following it sequentially. Because Vince Russo was the mastermind behind the era, and because everyone seemed to follow his lead, most matches were truncated, the swerves didn’t make sense, and the bombs dropped a bit too early. Combined with the solid in-ring philosophy WWE has adopted over the last decade and a half, the Attitude Era-levels of absurdist schlock now work in limited doses in big-time feud matches. WWE rolled out this philosophy with Lesnar/Punk at SummerSlam, and on the October 14 episode of RAW, with the Tag Team Championships at stake with five of the best performers in the company given time to chew scenery (with a sixth coming in at the end), they delivered perfection again.

The match didn’t start out like a crazed, mescaline-fueled car crash, and in fact resembled the Battleground match the two teams had, only with some changes in the formula and cosmetic nods to the no-DQ stipulation. At one point, Jerry Lawler, in a rare fit of brilliant announcing, remarked that the Shield was so cocky that they were eschewing their true NUMBERS GAME, MAICHAL. The first half of the match relied solely on traditional tag team match swells and all the beats that came with the Southern formula perfected by the Rock ‘n Roll Express. In fact, Goldust was a lanky, paint-sweating avatar channeling the spirit of Ricky Morton during the match. Since Morton is still very much alive, I wonder if he sat in his recliner, catatonic for the duration of the match.

Once Dean Ambrose interjected himself into fray, all bets were cancelled, and the insanity skipped up a few notches. I’d say the Rhodeses were more adept at playing The Shield’s game - gaining a numbers advantage without ever having numbers - which fueled their babyface fire just as much as their Big Dust-given genetics did. The two-on-three flustering led to Roman Reigns clearing out with a chair, which led to Goldust countering a chairshot with a cross body. I thought that would have finished the match, but then Rollins dished out a big bump for once instead of taking one, buckle bombing Rhodes into the fucking barricade. Reigns and Goldust didn’t want to be upstaged, so they re-created the Kane-through-the-barricade spear from last year’s TLC. Madness indeed spread into all directions.

But then Big Show came out, and everything felt… perfect. Even though he was only gone a week, he had to show up, right? John Cena set the precedent, and he had beef with every one of the rudos, whether in the ring or behind the scenes pulling the puppet strings. Not only were his punches catharsis for an outgunned Rhodes Family, but he gained a bit of revenge for himself as well. The theater of wrestling never just is confined to the people working the fall. WWE tried to get that across fifteen years ago, but they never got it right until today. Boy though, have they ever gotten that ideal down pat, even if two matches so far is a small sample size.

Goldust vs. Seth Rollins, Main Event, 10/23 (airdate) - Watch highlights here!
When WWE brought Main Event into the national consciousness, they brought back the perfect vehicle to have Goldust chew up TV time. They just didn’t know it yet until they re-signed the Bizarre One to go as an accompaniment to Cody Rhodes’ rise to the main event. He went up against Seth Rollins in the October 23rd episode, a match for which I had high hopes because of how well the two seemed to go together. The result may have been Rollins’ best match to date, or at the very least one of the three or four best (remember, Daniel Bryan is a wizard).

Rollins propensity to attempt suicide for our enjoyment is enthralling because he feels like on every bump, he’s storing the kinetic energy absorbed by his impact to deal back to his opponents. Wrestling is totally analogous to comic books in regards to storytelling, but I feel if the spirits were more similar, Rollins would have a hell of a superpower. The first example saw him going over the top rope and straight to the floor on his face/belly. Roman Reigns came over to jaw at Goldust, which allowed Rollins to obey the Conservation of Mass/Energy and launch Goldie into the barricade.

Second came on a beautifully executed bulldog from an in-ring Goldust to Rollins on the apron. Goldust followed it up with a barricade throw, which elicited Reigns again. Rollins used the energy to get optimal leverage on the roll up for a pin. Obviously, Goldust was on point here too, but he’s always on point. His veteran savvy was made for a show like Main Event, and Rollins again is a great opponent for him.

Oh, the fleeting moments of relevance... but the match was good Photo Credit: WWE.com

John Cena (c) vs. Damien Sandow, World Heavyweight Championship Match, RAW, 10/28 - Watch highlights here!
Before anything else is described about this match, the finish is the finish, and booking implications aside, I thought that the ending of the match fit the micronarrative. This list is not for a booking decisions, as curious as they may be. This list is for match quality, and from the opening bell up to the final piledriver counter, where Sandow’s hubris befell him, Cena and Sandow put on a clinic, par for the course for how great free television matches have been in 2013 in WWE.

The cat and mouse beginning was brilliant, but I’m also a huge fan of those kinds of keep away sequences. Cena showed vulnerability, maybe even more than he’s shown in any match in recent memory. The entire story of the match was told around the pre-match attack and Sandow continuing to work the shoulder throughout the duration. Cena’s comebacks were sharp, Sandow’s attacks were vicious, and the drama was tangible enough to fit a pay-per-view main event, let alone a hot RAW opener.

But for as much as Sandow seemed to “lose” from the booking decision, he made himself during the match through cerebral counters and viciousness. When he countered the Five Knuckle Shuffle taunt by yanking Cena’s arm, I audibly popped. He went after the shoulder like a shark, but he left himself just open enough so that he could his hubris could be his downfall. Whatever the outside implications of this match ended up, the story within was amazing.

Ice Cream Jr. and El Hijo del Ice Cream vs. Dasher Hatfield and Mark Angelosetti, WIF! Between Green and Yellow, 11/3
The Chikaraverse is a wonderful place where comedic wrestling isn’t marginalized and instead is given loads of time to unfold as if it were serious, feud-based combat. Los Ice Creams, who exist in the aether as spirits called upon to fill time on a given show for the sole purpose of entertainment and have for nearly a decade, are among the best. Their opener against the Throwbacks at the Wrestling Is Fun! Norristown show was basically 10 minutes of two teams chewing scenery, alternating comedic spots with some nifty double team maneuvers. The match was basically everything good and right about Chikara distilled down into one contest, punctuated by El Hijo del Ice Cream selling a shot to the cone beard on his mask like he’d just been gouged in the eyes.

Blaster McMassive, Jaka, and Oleg the Usurper vs. Frightmare, Hallowicked, and UltraMantis Black, WIF! Between Green and Yellow, 11/3
This write-up originally appeared in my review for Between Green and Yellow.

This trios match was a page right out of the '80s WWF in skeletal structure. Imagine Smash, Barbarian, and Kamala on a heel team, only all three of them were instead supremely athletic and dipped in the flair of the modern independent ethos. The Wrecking Crew's melding of old school veneers with modern sensibilities made them the perfect villains in any promotion. As an example, Oleg, callous brut at his best, broke out a running, rolling senton atomico which is not something I would have expected from one of Vince McMahon's monsters of the month from the late '80s and early '90s.

On the other side of the ring stood the Spectral Envoy, containing two of the most able babyfaces on the combined Wrestling Is... roster in Hallowicked and Frightmare. While Mantis has made a career out of being a loud-and-proud rudo, his bona fides as an underdog were forged in the fires of the Easton Funplex at King of Trios '12. The Spectral Envoy spent so much of the match on their heels, but they were so good at generating pathos so that when they did make their comebacks, both individual and the group-flourish at the end, they had the crowd at every single checkpoint.

Hallowicked deserves special plaudits for his individual comeback. He took a beating after Frightmare took his own, getting it from each of the Wrecking Crew. But when he came up for air, his fire was impeccable. Bonus points should go to the entire team for their bouquet of topes con giro as the match descended further into insanity, as Mantis and Wicked criss-crossed targets while Frightmare and McMassive timed their movements so perfectly that they collided with perfection that rarely is attained with a dive to the outside.

Samoa Joe vs. Willie Mack, Championship Wrestling from Hollywood House Show, 11/3 - Watch it here!
One of my most desired dream matches actually came true in 2013, a veritable hoss fight between the venerable forefather of indie big guys, Samoa Joe, and his spiritual successor, Willie Mack. While TNA’s policy on its wrestlers being allowed to be seen on video is restrictive and one-sided, entrepreneurial fans with handheld cameras made sure this match would be brought to the light of day, and thank God for that. Everything I expected was on full display here. Joe was back to his inspired, indie self and Mack proved he was up for the challenge.

While both men got chants early in the match, Mack made sure that his opponent would be the one getting cheered by subtly working heel through showing off during mat exchanges and not allowing Joe to get back into the ring before attacking him. The first act of the match was all about establishing Mack as Joe’s equal, and the former absolutely looked the part. While I assume no one in attendance was in doubt that Mack could hold his own, the best storytelling is dictated through showing that in the ring, not through assumption.

Joe ran through his indie spots crisply, but where he shone best was in the finishing part of the match, about where Mack teased going for the Muscle Buster, causing Joe to lose his ever-loving shit. Joe works so well as an unstable big guy, and he needed that one spark to get him to believably fly into a frenzy. Chocolate Thunder had to go on the defensive, and he was an able throw pillow for Joe as well as a noble fighting warrior. The “kick out on one” of a finisher usually feels overdone, but Mack sold that adrenaline shot like he was Mia Wallace kicking out of an overdose death. The final bump, Joe turning Mack inside out on a lariat, was the perfect exclamation point on this masterful stanza of physical poetry.

John Cena, Goldust, and Cody Rhodes vs. Damien Sandow, Jack Swagger, and Antonio Cesaro, RAW, 11/4 - Watch highlights here!
The biggest criticism of John Cena is that he’s always hogging spotlight in matches where he’s against competition not on his level. He goes SuperCena too easily. No one has the chance to look good because Cena’s vulnerability is fleeting. The dichotomy with that criticism is WWE seems to want Cena portrayed as the world beater, because that ideal of a top face has been their MO for years. Cena has done well in his matches, even with that cheat code embedded in the DNA of his character, so I feel weird calling him toning back his ubermensch tendencies as an enhancement in the match.

But seeing Cena do his best Ricky Morton impersonation, tagging into a hot Goldust, and playing a supporting role for the act that had accrued so much goodwill with the fans in his absence was not only endearing, but it looked almost natural. Cena showing vulnerability worked, especially under the lording hammer blows from the Real Americans and Damien Sandow. Even his comebacks felt different in tenor, mainly because he was using exotic new moves for him at least, including a swanky half-nelson neckbreaker.

Where the match was sold for me was the ending sequence where everyone hit the ring and nailed finishers on each other. What can I say? I’m a sucker for pandemonium, and the more wrestlers in the match, the better it comes off. Cena tossing Cesaro into Zeb Colter like he was yesterday’s garbage was a nice touch as well.

Not a good way there, Bry Photo Credit: WWE.com

Daniel Bryan and CM Punk vs. Roman Reigns, Seth Rollins, and Dean Ambrose, RAW, 11/11 - Watch highlights here!
Daniel Bryan has wrestled The Shield so many times in 2013, but like Ric Flair and Ricky Steamboat or Steve Austin and The Rock, each match has taken on such a different character that no matter what the circumstances, they produce stellar content. This English RAW main event saw Bryan in a handicap match teaming with CM Punk, a seemingly natural pairing, but one that had not been tested at all since the two came to WWE. They ended up having good chemistry, punctuated by them going all “WABBIT SEASON!” “DUCK SEASON!” with alternating kicks on Reigns.

But Reigns may have been the all-star in this match. He took the kicks, and then when they followed it up with a double whip, he leveled both of them with clotheslines. Before that spot, when Punk tossed Rollins into the corner for the tag, the way he stared down his former ally by mercenary means dripped with the desire to flatten. He grabbed an otherwise insignificant moment and directed intent across the ring like he was a veteran.

OF course, Rollins bumped like a goddamn lunatic as he’s wont to do. Punk showed he actually could be Robert Gibson effectively. Ambrose played the torture-master like a boss. And even the finish, which was a non-finish for the most part, was perfect, because it teased a Shield/Wyatt Family brawl that I had tantalized myself with ever since both trios occupied the same space. All in all, the five performers took a tired WWE trope, the handicap match, and freshened it up for a wholly enjoyable RAW main event.

Shynron vs. AR Fox, Beyond Wrestling Tournament for Tomorrow Secret Show #1, 11/15 - Watch it here!
The first match of the three-day Tournament for Tomorrow tapings turned out to be one of the best. In the same vein as ACH debuted in Beyond against the steady-handed AR Fox, the wrestler who seems most like him on the East Coast did the same. The results were almost as sublime, and they proved Shynron has a bright future despite his relative lack of experience.

What struck me most about this match more than anything was how much of a heel Fox played during the match. It not only helped get Shynron over, which I thought was the biggest reason this match was scheduled, but Fox looked like a natural heeling it up. He didn’t overtly come out and rake eyes or bust out a foreign object, but he did the little things. He hid behind the building support, took liberties with five-counts, talked his shit, and when he bumped, he bumped hard. At one point, Shynron threw an elbow at him, and Fox flopped to the canvas like a Barclay’s Premier League striker.

Shynron showed great offensive prowess and had some good fire as well. He played his role well, and he capped off his rookie year with his first real signature match. He still looks as if he has some kinks to work out, but he’s got a good handle on his big moves, especially his second rope 630 senton (!!!). Even if he missed it to set up Fox getting the cheap rollup for the win, the fact that he executed on it clean shows he’s going to have a bright future.

Kimber Lee vs. JT Dunn, Beyond Wrestling Tournament for Tomorrow Secret Show #1, 11/15
I wonder if the foreshadowing was intentional. Lee and Dunn closed both secret shows for different reasons, but even though their match on the second night would be for a spot in the tournament final, I got a more intense, competitive vibe from this first exhibition. The bombs felt like they landed harder, the exchanges crisper, and the tension a bit more palpable.

Despite the size difference and perceived gender disparities that exist in current wrestling fandom, Lee came out and acted as if she was the one who had the power advantage. She was fearless and fierce at the same time, attacking with fury and fire. She worked on top like a wrestler twice her size, pulling off stuff like a ground ‘n pound, all the while taking her ass-whipping from Dunn like a true competitor.

Dunn acquitted himself well here too. He both took his lumps without making it seem like Lee was just a fly he could’ve flicked off at any time, and he looked in control when it was his turn to be on offense. Overall, this match closed a fine first day in action, and it helped set the tone for the first stages of the tournament.

Damien Sandow vs. Dolph Ziggler, Broadway Brawl, RAW, 11/18 - Watch highlights here!
The best seller in the company against the best guy at vicious heel offense in a plunder match? I didn’t think this match could be anything less than good, but Sandow and Ziggler delivered an ECW-quality hardcore match using a vast array of musical instruments that campily fit the theme of the RAW Country episode. I happen to enjoy camp in wrestling, so this match was right up my alley.

Of course, the use of musical instruments was sublime. A lot of attention will be paid to the ending spots with the two drums and the El Kabong from Ziggler, and yeah, they were entertaining given the caliber of wrestlers in the match. But my favorite use of the instruments in the match may have been when Sandow threw Ziggler off the top rope into the Casio keyboard, causing the keys to scatter all around the ring. I don’t know what took me about that visual, but of all the times wrestlers have used plunder in a match, I’m not sure I’ve seen them use a keyboard. The component pieces scattering around the ring like shards of glass from a broken vase hammer home the devastation.

The announcing sucked, and the circumstances were dubious at best, but Sandow and Ziggler went down, took the tools they were given, and resuscitated a crowd that had been iffy for a couple of segments. I think that performance is the definition how wrestling can work in its purest form, and I think it would have worked even without the weapons. However, something about an acoustic guitar loaded with talcum powder makes the best garbage brawls pop even a little more loudly.

Cody Rhodes and Goldust (c) vs. Curtis Axel and Ryback vs. Antonio Cesaro and Jack Swagger vs. The Big Show and Rey Mysterio, WWE Tag Team Championship Match, TLC, 12/15
Multi-team matches are almost as good as multi-man tag matches. The chaos factor is there, the teams always seem to dwindle. Thankfully, all four teams, even the hastily slapped together Big Show/Rey Mysterio team, were able to bring the thunder, so even as each team was shed, the match quality didn’t decrease. The proceedings didn’t really kick into a higher gear until Ryback and Axel got eliminated.

I watched the heat segment with The Real Americans putting on a clinic of double team offense with a wide smile across my face. They did everything right, and looked like they were the best team in the entire WWE, let alone that match. Even the delaying of the hot tag where they dragged Rhodes off the apron was pitch perfect, and it set up a unique hot tag of Goldust to the Big Show. After the Real Americans were eliminated, the match kicked into overdrive since Rhodes and Mysterio dominated the action. Rhodes has improved so much since their Mania encounter that the finishing run of this match was just scorching.

Daniel Bryan vs. Bray Wyatt, Erick Rowan, and Luke Harper, TLC, 12/15
If a company was going to book a handicap match between an intact trio and a lone underdog, this match would have to be the archetype. Bryan got his ass whipped during most of the match. His comebacks were crisp and believable. He had fire. The minions had conviction, but the real star of the match on my end was Bray Wyatt. He took a page out of the Mark Henry playbook and shit talked Bryan. His headbutts were just a delight, and his “I don’t give a flying fuck” suplex toss may be my new favorite move. However, the absolute highlight of the match was when he went all reverse crab and walked up to Bryan like he was going to eat his soul. Give me that sort of psychological creep in every match, and you will make a star out of Bray Wyatt.

John Cena (WHC c) vs. Randy Orton (WWE c), WWE and World Heavyweight Championship Unification TLC Match, TLC, 12/15
This write-up originally appeared in my review for TLC.

Cena and Orton wore each other out in 2009 so much that I wouldn't have minded if they never had wrestled each other for fifty years afterwards. Four years later, they were once again across a ring from each other with all kinds of plunder in play, and they produced one of the best main events in a WWE year where the bar was considerably raised for what a main event match had to be, both on pay-per-view and free television.

The match started out like a classic, ECW-style brawl with plunder coming into play early and often, but it quickly took on some of the different strains that one might have seen in a WWF ring during the Attitude Era with how ridiculous some of the exchanges and comebacks went. Strange that fifteen years after the fact, WWE has finally perfected the schmozzy, ridiculously overbooked main event they wanted to in said Attitude Era. I guess all they needed was a savvy roster, and it was the two guys who came of age and even got overexposed in the last decade who got them there for the third time this year.

Orton did his part by bumping huge, which in the past was not an attribute one could hang on his mantel. In fact, he took nearly every big bump until the very end, when Cena took two risky bumps. First, he hung from the double belts after Orton knocked the ladder from underneath him and then played him like a giant, hustle-loyalty-and-respect-filled pinata. Second, the final bump of the match, Orton knocked Cena from off the ladder, and Cena landed FACE FIRST on a table set up in the corner. Brutal.

But where this match was won for me was when Orton called back to a prior match and handcuffed Cena to the bottom rope. Instead, Cena, drawing back to his UPW ring crew days (h/t to Dylan Hales for that reference), undid the bottom turnbuckle and dragged the ropes with him to climb the ladder. That kind of ring savvy is worth more than most anything a wrestler could do in a match, and it set apart the main event from any other match on what turned out to be a loaded event.

Happy birthday to me! Photo Credit: WWE.com

Daniel Bryan vs. Randy Orton, RAW, 12/16 - Watch highlights here!
These two guys, man. Put them together in a ring, give them time, and they will go balls out, even if the finish is supposed to be deflating and transitional in nature, they deliver. In 25 minutes and three acts, the two created more art in what may have been their finest match of the calendar year. The beginning of the match featured a lot of technical pizzazz with Bryan showing off and Orton trying to keep up. Bryan rolling through the Thesz press into a single leg crab was a beautiful callback to when he’d do that against Ryback earlier in the year, and the lack of film prep on Orton’s behalf worked because it fits into his bratty, entitled character. Orton showed a bit of a flair for the dramatic by reversing an Indian deathlock into a unique pin combination.

Once Orton started getting testy, the match segued into its second act, a beautiful heat segment that saw Orton mix in some of his best dominating offense with the cocky preening one would come to expect from a bonus baby Champion, hand-picked by management because he was “pretty.” His offense started by roundly taking Bryan’s head off with a lariat after Bryan did one of those show-offy X-Pac leg flip overs, a lariat that was strong and forceful unlike most of Orton’s flaccid clotheslines. The Viper also took his gimmick to a whole other level by biting Bryan’s knee to get out of a hold. From there, he alternated between punishing stall offense and posing for the crowd. He even managed to pull a few counters and evades out, again adding to his whole “I’m talented but lazy” shtick. Oleing the plancha felt like one of those “OH SHIT” moments of genius from a lazy college kid coasting on brainpower actually recognizing the one question on a final he was overmatched for and breezing through it to work towards his passing “D-.”

The final act was when the bombs started dropping from the heavens. Bryan pulled out all the stops, orchestrating the crowd, hitting every beat, and finding ways to lasso Orton into his grasp. To his credit, The Champ made Bryan look like a million bucks, bugging his eyes out of his head during a LeBell Lock attempt and bumping hard on the barricade. Again, even though this act was so hot it would’ve demanded a conclusive pinfall victory either way in another circumstance, I totally dug the intentional ball-shot ending. The story was that Orton couldn’t beat Bryan, and he saw the writing on the wall. He took the easy way out, which for a RAW after a pay-per-view, made absolute sense. The finish may have been controversial, but for me, it was a great way to end a nearly perfect match.

Antonio Cesaro vs. William Regal, NXT, 12/25 (airdate)
Before NXT would cross over into the New Year, they had one final salvo, a rewind show with a first run main event. The words “Antonio Cesaro vs. William Regal” are enough to send chills down my spine as a wrestling fan, especially when the feud was based on Cesaro proving himself as Regal’s diabolical equal. What Regal has done for these NXT rookies like Dean Ambrose and Kassius Ohno has been nothing short of enriching for them and entertaining for is, and this match was no exception to that rule.

Cesaro’s pre-match declaration saw him proclaiming respect for Regal but also that he was better than his mentor. In that light, their World-of-Sport style exchanges to start made perfect sense. Of course, their exchanges were only choppy looking if they wanted them to be. What I liked most about the first act, and the whole match, really, was that both guys, Regal especially, played up the idea that neither one wanted a clean exchange with the other. They played up the element of struggle, which both added an element of realism to the match and laid the groundwork for one of the most incredible spots of the entire year, Cesaro pulling off an Everest snapmare from his knees.

Then, Cesaro broke things wide open with a chop block to Regal’s leg, kicking the main story of the match off with a bang. Cesaro worked the leg with relentless force, but Regal answered in kind by landing dead-nerve shots to Cesaro’s arms. The two went back and forth working each other’s weak spots, almost in a can-you-top-this style that fit in with the stated theme. Even with Regal answering devilry with even more of it, he was able to assume the role of underdog babyface, one that he had only assumed starting with these NXT showcase matches.

But even as Regal swaddled himself in pathos, Cesaro’s mammoth theatrics made everything possible. His hulking strength, with the lifting, the Everest snapmare, the standing stretch muffler, was able to make the old villain look like an old man hero. His facial expressions, especially at the end when Regal was dead-weighting him in his first Neutralizer attempt, were major league. If any match was ever an exclamation point on a wrestler’s year, Antonio Cesaro’s final NXT match for 2013 was perhaps the boldest and most necessary.

Daniel Bryan vs. Luke Harper, RAW, 12/30 - Watch highlights here!
When Harper was announced for the first rung on the Bryan gauntlet to end the last televised WWE show of 2013, my spidey sense started tingling. Harper has had a bunch of really cool singles matches under his belt in the indies, but throwing his first real showcase match against Daniel Bryan in the marathon portion the triplet was a stroke of genius. Harper is the ace of the group in terms of actual wrestling matches, while Bryan is the ace of the entire world.

My biggest complaint may have been that Bryan took too many big bumps to come out on top, but maybe card position gives you superpowers? I don’t know how WWE distributes its abilities to wrestlers, but the transitions were great, which is the important part. Bryan bumped his ass off, Harper was all the big bully he needed to be, and when Bryan flipped out of the German suplex near the end, I was agog. This match was an appropriate punctuation mark for the year in the ring in WWE.

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Well, this entry concludes my top 100 matches of 2013. I hope you enjoyed reading my thoughts on them as much as I did watching the source material for writing these entries. Wrestling in 2013 was tremendous, and it made me happier than it has in any other year I've watched it. I hope this trend continues into this year.

A picture is normally worth a thousand words. This one, however, is worth a million.

What a time to be a rasslin' fan Photo Credit: WWE.com

It's Twitter Request Line time, everyone! I take to Twitter to get questions about issues in wrestling, past and present, and answer them on here because 140 characters can't restrain me, fool! If you don't know already, follow me @tholzerman, especially around Friday night after Smackdown, and wait for the call. Anyway, time to go!

First up, @OkoriWadsworth asks if now is the best time for wrestling since mid-'90s All Japan.

I think right now, the scene is the absolute best it has been and can be for the sheer reason that the wrestlers within are drawing from every influence they possibly can. The spirit of that AJPW scene is alive, as well as the old New Japan junior heavy style from the '80s, the classic WWE/NWA main events laden with psychology, and even scenes such as the joshis and English World of Sport, filtered through the lens of Chikara. The current scene should be the best scene ever all the time because it can draw from everything that came before it. The fact that it always hasn't been the case in any given company at any given time speaks to the hubris promoters from time to time.

Crack journalist Ken Borsuk asks in honor of The Streak ending what my five most shocking booking moments ever were.

TOP FIVE LISTS YESSSS
1. The Streak ends - I know Brock Lesnar just ended it not one week ago, but I was part of the masses who didn't think he had a chance to fell Undertaker whatsoever. I thought it was the lockiest lock that ever locked that Undertaker would win.

2. Chris Jericho "defeats" Triple H - One Monday night in 2000, RAW began with a WWF Championship match between Chris Jericho and Triple H. I thought Jericho would be served up for fodder, but lo and behold, he actually won the match and the title. JOY! SUCCESS! PLEASANT SURPRISE! I didn't think the company would have the guts to pull of such a switch, but I was happy.

Of course, the good vibes were short lived. The show came back from commercial, and Trips had bullied referee Earl Hebner into reversing the decision. The rest of the show played out as frustratingly as I remember RAW was from 2000 through the time I stopped watching for a bit, with Triple H getting all his heat back and then some in the main event trios match, but I was still eminently surprised to see the company tease the title switch in the first place.

3. 1-2-3 Kid upsets Razor Ramon - Those jobber matches never ended in upset, at least in the kind of upset that launched a career like this match did for Sean Waltman. I remember watching in disbelief as Razor lost to this schlub.

4. Daniel Bryan pinning John Cena, clean, without shenanigans - I wasn't shocked that Bryan won, but winning in the middle of the ring with the busaiku knee and without some kind of convoluted plot? Especially when the only other wrestler to beat Cena clean in the middle of the ring in the prior 18 months was the fucking Rock? That element was what took me off guard.

5. Tadasuke wins Young Lions Cup IX - Maybe the surprise was more directed at Tadasuke taking the Cup back to Osaka Pro rather than him winning it. That shock was compounded when Green Ant went over to Osaka Pro presumably to retrieve the trophy and failed. In retrospect, having the Cup around may have taken away from the 12 Large Summit. Still, having Tadasuke take it out of Chikara was a legitimately surprising way to nullify its attention and put it all on the Grand Championship.

@ThisPhillyFan asks if I notice laziness in executing the Russian side leg sweep nowadays, especially with the lack of the user tucking his/her foot behind the victim's leg.

I've noticed the form on the Russian side leg sweep has gotten different to say the least over the years as well too. One of the only things I don't like about Damien Sandow in the ring is how he does the move. For all I know, he could be doing it in an acceptable way to himself, his opponent, and his agents and peers. Sometimes, aesthetics are in the eye of the beholder. I don't know if it's laziness or just form. But I do see a marked difference that could be construed as sloppiness or laziness.

Rumble statistician and co-author of Irresistible vs. ImmovableScott T. Holland asks how I'd salvage Damien Sandow.

Ah, unintentionally speaking of Mr. Sandow, he, like any one of many of the talented people floundering in WWE's sea of ignorance, just needs a good story, a reason to care. I would have him feud with Dolph Ziggler over a personal issue that starts from a random bump into each other in the back or a war of words on an in-ring talkshow segment like Miz TV or something better than Miz TV. They both can talk, and they've already proven that their excellent in-ring stylings mesh with each other. The Broadway Brawl was one of my favorite matches last year.

Stories about personal issues outside of the main event would help so many floundering midcarders within WWE. WWE's idea of a feud below the main thrust of the show is having dudes trade wins over a short period of time with no reason or advancement. No one gets a chance to stand out, so no one gets over. The reason why the Rock 'n Wrestling and Attitude Era midcards stood out wasn't because the wrestlers were more talented back in the day. They were presented better. Give Sandow, Ziggler, Kofi Kingston, or anyone that kind of platform, and they will be perceived better.

@Doc_Ruiz2012 asks on a scale of one to five how I'd rate Xavier Woods' movespeed.

π

Official East Coast emissary to the Badlands @dajerseyboy asks how I'd fantasy book Sara del Rey into WWE.

Fantasy booking? I would have her eat a Mario mushroom and koppo kick a bunch of bricks and collect gold coins.

In all seriousness, if I were in charge of WWE booking, I would have Antonio Cesaro lay out an open challenge after a hot streak of putting down guys like Big Show and Mark Henry. He'd be an intimidating presence, keeping possible challengers in the back. No one would step forward except for Sara del Rey. She would come out, claim she's beaten him before, and they would wrestle in a surprisingly even match. Cesaro gets the Giant Swing in, but del Rey would roll to the outside. Cesaro gives chase, she catches him with a koppo kick, rolls him back in, and pins him. Boom, instant impact made.

Diabolic dinosaur enthusiast @KevinNewburn asks if little TJ in 2030 decides he wants to join Zack Ryder's wrestling school what my reaction would be.

I would be aghast, but only because I don't want my son getting into a business that would chew him up and spit him out.

I kid, I kid. Hopefully, by the time TJ would want to get into wrestling, the business would have changed to be safer for the workers. As for Ryder as a teacher, he's made it to the top company in America, and when he was given a stage to perform in extended matches, he's shown he can be entertaining to watch. I could think of worse talents to open schools.

Token Canadian @DasNordlicht91 wants to know if I'd change anything about WrestleMania XXX if given the chance.

I had some minor quibbles with the show, but the one thing I wish I could change would be Lesnar giving Undertaker that concussion. However, the business of concussions isn't something that can be changed by a booking move. Even the safest workers can put their opponents in harm's way accidentally. With that in mind, no, I don't think I would have changed anything about the show. The 30th installment of WrestleMania wasn't perfect, but its flaws were inconsequential.

Purveyor of International ObjectSawyer Paul asks how many hours of The Network's Mania coverage I watched before the big event.

I didn't watch a single hour until the pre-show, to be honest. Even then, I cut into it a half-hour late because my son was watching Sheriff Callie's Wild West. Note, do not come between TJ and his Disney, Jr. shows. To be honest, I have taken only to watching actual wrestling shows on The Network. Whether they be old footage shows like pay-per-views or the random ECW Hardcore Televisions or the first-run shows like NXT. The panel preview shows are good ideas in theory, but they need some work.

Paul's co-host on the International Object podcast, Rich Thomas, asks whom I think will have the biggest rise and the biggest fall between now and WrestleMania XXXI.

The biggest fall might just be Daniel Bryan, if only because people not named John Cena tend not to headline WrestleMania two years in a row. He will definitely still have a high-profile match. Bryan's not going anywhere in WWE's long term plans, but he may have had the most royal treatment at any WrestleMania of any superstar in history. Anything less than a title match victory in the closing match would be a huge dropoff, and honestly, I can't see anyone else as a candidate just out of the sheer heights to which he ascended this year.

As for the biggest riser, Cesaro comes to mind. The Andre the Giant Battle Royale win was sold as a big deal, but the match itself was the epitome filler to get a bunch of dudes a spot on Mania. I underestimated his absolute ceiling, and nine months out from the Royal Rumble, he's as good a candidate as any to project as a winner, right? The other high-risers would be Bray Wyatt, any of the three members of The Shield, or maybe even Big E Langston. But I just have a gut feeling about Cesaro.

Snorlax aficionado @mutantdog123 asks if WWE is pushing the Adam Rose gimmick along too quickly to the main roster.

The gimmick might be new, but the man behind it has been in developmental forever. The Aldous Snow-style party boy gimmick is one-dimensional; that dimension just happens to be incredibly fun and entertaining. The worst thing WWE could do is allow Rose to blow his proverbial wad in NXT when he's waited so long to get to the main roster. Rose's best chance for a long career is not to develop his gimmick, but to let his gimmick get him an in on the roster and to develop himself over time.

Big-shot freelance writer and Philly Magazine contributing editor Dan McQuade asks what my favorite Hulk Hogan movie is.

Does Gremlins 2 count?

He had three major starring roles - Mr. Nanny, Suburban Commando, and of course, the tour de force known as No Holds Barred. Then he had all the cameos and B-movie roles, the most famous of which was Rocky III. I like Rocky III a lot, but that movie was carried by Mr. T's over the top badassery and the unintentional same-sex romantic vibes between Rocky Balboa and Apollo Creed, not by the Hulkster's turn as Thunderlips. Of the three big movies, I've not seen Mr. Nanny, so that's out. No Holds Barred was so over the top and kitschy, but I get embarrassed watching movies where the premise is that wrestling is totally real.

Suburban Commando might then seem like it wins by default, but that movie had a good heart, Christopher Lloyd acting as hammy as all get out, and the cinematic debut of THE UNDERTAKER. So yeah, that movie wins in a walk.

@DexDynamo wants me to break down the various subfactions of The Flood that threatens Chikara.

1. The Wrecking Crew - The Crew is five wrestlers deep, managed by a ruthless despot, and attracted to deep pockets. Those who wish to destroy Chikara seem to have loads of money, which will keep Sidney Bakabella's rogues busy.

2. Dr. Cube's Laboratory - His unholy will to create grotesque warriors is frightening. Plus, he may bring in Tucor.

3. The Faux-BDK - Ares knows how to infiltrate Chikara and conquer from within. That knowledge is dangerous in a war such as this.

4. Jimmy Jacobs - He is Mr. Indie Heel Faction, so him alone should send shivers down people's spines.

5. Gekido - This group can get under skin easily, but other than turning Jigsaw, they've been pretty ineffectual. Their ranking might shoot up if they can convince Jig to join them full time.

6. Sinn Bodhi's Carnival - lol

Philly expat @wildvulture asks if I think Bray Wyatt was obliquely referring to Undertaker in his promo to John Cena at Smackdown.

He might have been referring to Undertaker. Wyatt is on some next-level shit when it comes to his promos. However, my guess was he was making cryptic threats towards Cena.

Triumphantly returned Philly sports Tweeter @brianbrown25 asks my three favorite tag team names ever.

1. The Minnesota Home-Wrecking Crew
2. Head Cheese
3. Two Skinny Black Guys

Bro from the old neighborhood @Bdonn120 asks whom I see going into the Hall of Fame at WrestleMania 45 and 50.

Because wrestling is full of careers that end prematurely due to injury, I find projecting whose careers will span decades and whose will end abruptly like Edge's difficult to handicap. The manner of whether one happens to be on Vince McMahon's good side or not is an issue too. Regardless, my best guesses for each class:

WrestleMania 45 - Daniel Bryan, Scott Steiner, Evolution, the Dudley Boys, Maria Menounos, Wahoo McDaniel

WrestleMania 50 - Vince McMahon, Michael Cole, Mickie James, The Miz, Bill DeMott, Bo Dallas, Hugh Jackman

Those choices are more or less blind stabs, but then again, who would've thought that WWE and Bruno Sammartino ever would have buried the hatchet and had him inducted last year? Or the same for Warrior this year?

Finally, newsroom maven @czach1r asks me to stop bunting.

Okay.

No, seriously, bunts are okay if you're Billy Hamilton and can get halfway up the baseline before anyone knows in what direction the ball is dribbling. But the willing sacrifice of an out just to move a runner over and increase the odds of scoring is the dumbest, most self-defeating strategy in baseball ever. You only get 27 outs in a game, and you want to waste one of them just for the chance to get a guy over one base? Get. The. Fuck. Outta. Here.

Pegaboo, LuFisto's intrepid life partner and ring companion, was dismembered this weekend at the hands of Sweet Saraya Knight. Knight appeared with Pegaboo after LuFisto's loss to Yumi Ohka at Vol. 65 and decapitated the poor spirit guide right in front of her in an attempt to release LuFisto's inner rage. Well, she was successful, only instead of focusing her rage on Cheerleader Melissa and Mercedes Martinez, LuFisto went right after Knight.

Pegaboo is survived by LuFisto, obviously, as well as her brother Big Baby. The two were estranged after the latter took up a controversial position as Lotso Hugginbear's head of security at Sunnyside Daycare.

A popular insult throughout the years levied at both children and adults is something along the lines of "[x] is living in their own little world". It's probably the hyperactive imagination talking but even at this ripe age I fail to see what the crushing blow to the ego is.  My little world's great; sometimes it rains chocolate chips and everything.

But if you've been living under the level of delusion that Bo Dallas has been in the past year or so of his NXT residency, then you can see how the sudden wrecking ball of reality crashing down your walls may cause your mask of cheerful optimism and babyface status to slip.

In a show that featured yet another awesome women's match and Adrian Neville getting himself over as a threat to someone 160% his size without so much as landing a blow, it's Bo's pre-match in the main event that's going to be remembered for the Full Sail fan for some time to come and has to go on the short list of Segment of the Year candidates when a bow is put on 2014.  Having seen what B+ player Daniel Bryan was able to achieve on the mothership thanks to the support of his fans (let's conveniently ignore the whole losing the rematch thing why shan't we) Dallas figured with enough Bolievers in the squared circle he could get another crack at Neville.  That's when it happened--

--large segments of the crowd, seemingly entire rows pulled a 180 and literally turned their back on Dallas.  While this had happened occasionally in a person or three while Bo's chatted during his title reign, this was unprecedented.  To further put shit savings on his sundae of curdled cream, they then proceeded to further use his co-option of the Unified Champion against him, chanting NO! vociferously to boot.  It was then that Bo would hit the 2014 equivalent of the Big Show's "I'm a nice guy!  I have footage!" by angrily reminding them that he'd even gone so far as to provide snacks while Champion.  The indignation in his voice was a thing of beauty, and he even went to the floor to yell at the backs of the crowd who were serenading him with No More Bo and Bocohontas chants.  But things weren't yet over, as in the midst of his mid-ring crying and yelling (with the crowd possibly chanting BOTISTA, which...wow) JBL remembered he had another job as NXT GM and brought up the sad fact that while the former Tag and NXT Champion was trying to occupy the ring he "didn't have enough people to occupy a see-saw".  Sure, the ensuing match against Justin Gabriel was going on, but Dallas' real fight was against the people who have now literally turned their backs on him.  It seemed them chanting "we want cookies" the moment he bailed to the floor under the former Nexian's assault was just poking the bear; hell, you could even agree with A-Ry about the crowd's hypocrisy assuming the chant was authentic and not their way of seeing if they could make him snap mid-match.  He managed to get enough in check to put away this fallen Angel with a Kobashi double-arm DDT, but if this is a preview of what's to come in his WWE tenure seeing it on a bigger stage should only service BD's career as the Positively Page to root against.  Seriously, just imagine a Dallas/Cena tag team in front of the night after WrestleMania crowd.  If that much gleeful hate is wrong, who wants to be right?

Actually, Sasha Banks.  Sasha would love to be right, but when it comes to Bayley, the cheerful Californian is a problem the Boss just can't seem to solve somehow.  For nearly 10 minutes, it was a stirring display of hold and counterhold for the most part.  Even more to the point, it seemed Sasha'd unlocked the door as she threw a barrage of counters.  She didn't care about the kawaiied out new Titantron, fans getting headbands, or air-fives to the crowd and handshakes for the ref and Eden; Sasha was done with this and was going to prove her place.  You could see her losing her temper in small spurts: the 100 Hand Slap consisting of mostly paintbrushing jobs, or running on the back of the face-down in the bottom turnbuckled Bayley for maximum choke and carnage.  The end was possibly the best sequencing in an NXT women's match to date, and that's saying a lot.  Somehow, while Sasha had a counter to the counter, Bayley had a really innovative counter to the counter to the counter and one belly-to-Bayley later HugLife had put another one on the board.

[For everybody's sake we're ignoring the fact she speaks Punjabi and helped translate our way towards a CJ Parker/Great Khali match next week.]

Leaving aside the fun ride on the Adam Rose Express or the Mojo squash of Monsieur Lefort, what was most compelling on a Lucifier's-in-the-margins level was the backstage interview with...referee Shawn Bennett. You see, he was the official of record during last week's Zayn/Graves main event, and so he was brought on to explain what happened that led to his decision.  He mentioned he'd refereed several previous Sami matches, and kept checking him for responsiveness.  When he didn't find the Syrian-Canadian responsive, he called for the bell.   Think about it: outside of Scott Armstrong, when's the last time the major shows talked to the referee about the decision and named him?  This can either be the building blocks of a new Danny Davis or a fine red herring that'll always be in play for the longform NXT viewer whenever he referees another Sami match, especially the next couple to come and any future title matches.  Sometimes PURE SPORTS BUILD is maligned, but this was an instance of it being applied masterfully.  Corey Graves coming on and comparing himself to Barry Bonds as if to will away the possible asterisk his win had just made some small thing all the more better.

It wasn't I GAVE YOU COOKIES good, but what could be, really?

So, Sting apparently has signed with WWE if you believe it this time. I will forever be skeptical until I see him as a rostered member on the Dot Com or until he's in the flesh on RAW. Still, whether in WWE or not, he's had some classic wars over the year, especially with Jake Roberts. The following is a rare, fancam match from a house show in 1992. Enjoy!

Will Damien Sandow and Dolph Ziggler have room in the rising tide of WWE's new guard? Photo Credit: WWE.com

Kieran Shiach is man with a podcast, the Have a Nice Day podcast to be more specific. He hails from across The Pond, and he has an opinion on WWE's stagnant midcard, which he would like to share with each and everyone of you readers out there.

---

Time is a flat circle. Everything that will happen has happened, and everything that has happened will happen again. After WrestleMania, I've been thinking a lot about transitional periods in wrestling (specifically WWE), and the events that herald them. Many cite the steroid trials of the early nineties as responsible for The New Generation, and smaller stars like Bret Hart, and Shawn Michaels. While some point to Montreal, or even earlier, I believe Jim Ross summed it up best at WrestleMania 14 when he said “The Austin Era has begun” as Stone Cold replaced Shawn Michaels as the company's biggest star. The Attitude Era died when Shane McMahon uttered the words “The name on the contract does say McMahon...” six days before WrestleMania X-Seven. Four years later John Cena and Batista both won their first world titles at WrestleMania 21. That's kinda where we've been at for the past nine years, but it's possible that Monday Night Raw on April 7th signaled a new changing of the guard.

It was a RAW that saw WWE World Heavyweight Champion, Daniel Bryan standing tall with The Shield against the forces of The Authority. Paige debuted and won the Divas Championship. Cesaro celebrated his victory in the Andre The Giant Memorial Battle Royal, split from The Real Americans and aligned himself with Paul Heyman, who the previous night took his client Brock Lesnar to places no-one has ever gone before when he broke The Undertaker's undefeated WrestleMania streak of 21-0. We were promised Bo Dallas and Adam Rose, and saw Alexander Rusev crush Zack Ryder. The Wyatt Family were victorious against John Cena, Sheamus and Big E, and Rey Mysterio continued his unlucky streak of being in the wrong place at the wrong time, as he was greeted with boos from the fans for having the gall to face Bad News Barrett. He defeated Mysterio with the best looking Bullhammer he's ever done.

I apologize to the person I first saw tweet this, but not long after RAW, I saw someone say that the average age of a champion in WWE right now is 27.5, which is crazy young. The future looks incredibly bright for WWE, and that's without taking into account they have Sami Zayn, Sasha Banks, Tyler Breeze, Solomon Crowe, Enzo Amore and tons of other uber talented folks down in Florida, waiting to make their mark. With the main event dominated by Bryan, Orton, Batista, Cena, and The Authority, and one of the strongest influxes of new talent ever ready to break out, what happens to the mid-card we've known and loved for the past decade?

Time is a flat circle. Everything that will happen has happened, and everything that has happened will happen again. In early 1999, the WWF had an incredibly talented mid-card: D-Lo Brown, Al Snow, Jeff Jarrett, Val Venis, Steve Blackman, Ken Shamrock, Billy Gunn, the list goes on. There was so much talent, that there were championships besides the World Title, and for all the crap he gets, Vince Russo prided himself on making sure everyone had something to do. By the beginning of 2000, however, a new wave of talent had overtaken the mid-card we once knew, and all bets were off. Chris Jericho arrived in a debut that people still talk about to this day, and Kurt Angle was undefeated for nearly three months before he was taken out by ECW's Tazz. The Hardy Boyz, Dudley Boys and Edge and Christian were redefining tag-team wrestling, and four disgruntled Radicalz from WCW arrived to raise hell in the WWF. In almost no-time at all, there was a huge influx of people with “star” written all over them, and if you weren't a rising star, or you weren't in the main event, there was less and less time for you on TV.

I say this, and I write this article because I'm seeing this happen again. When I came back to wrestling in 2009, the future of wrestling was Dolph Ziggler, Kofi Kingston and John Morrison. Everyone thought Ted DiBiase Jr was the next big thing, and although I always said it was Cody Rhodes, look at where all of those guys are now. A year later Drew McIntyre debuted as The Chosen One, and in 2012, Damien Sandow finally appeared after forever in development purgatory as The Intellectual Savior of the Masses. Zack Ryder turned himself into a megastar because WWE wouldn't, and had the fans chanting WE WANT RYDER over THE ROCK. These were our heroes. These were the next wave of great wrestling talent to take us through the 2010s. They were too late for Ruthless Aggression, and too early for “The Reality Era” and now there's just no room for them anymore.

I don't say this to offend or anger any fans of those wrestlers. I bet real cash money on Cody Rhodes to win the Royal Rumble, not because I thought he was going to, but because it would have been great if he did. I'd love to see Dolph Ziggler, or Damien Sandow get to do anything interesting, but between your Wyatt Families, and your Shields and your NXTs, it seems like there's no time for them anymore. That's not to discount their talent, either. Dolph Ziggler can tear it up with anyone on the roster, and Cody could be the next Ricky Morton and with his ability to connect with a crowd during a beatdown, and fire back on the offense. I don't see them getting a chance to, though.

Time is a flat circle. Everything that will happen has happened, and everything that has happened will happen again.

MEETING OF THE TITANS Photo Credit: WWE.com

Welcome to a feature I like to call "Best in the World" rankings. They're not traditional power rankings per se, but they're rankings to see who is really the best in the world, a term bandied about like it's bottled water or something else really common. They're rankings decided by me, and don't you dare call them arbitrary lest I smack the taste out of your mouth. Without further ado, here's this week's list:

Folks who watched NXT ArRIVAL saw this move for the first time to defeat Emma. Everyone else was treated to the Scorpion Crosslock when Paige slapped it on Alicia Fox to finish her first longform match on the main roster. I saw a graphic on Twitter yesterday promising an I Quit match between Paige and AJ Lee at Extreme Rules. I hope it was a spoiler and not some fan fabrication, because that match would be suh-weeet.

I don't mean to laugh at someone else's pain, but... Photo Credit: WWE.com

Sometimes the arc of a massive event in pro wrestling makes the passage of time feel like it is much grander than it actually is. Two weeks ago was the previous first-run episode of Total Divas prior to this one and yet in that time frame, everything happened. AJ went from big boss to sudden loser, Brie's man became the company's proverbial "face" as its champion, and a whole host of other shit from the exciting to the tragic and moribund shellacked everything in between that two week period. I honestly have to look back at my reports to remember that two weeks ago was the big slap episode where Summer Rae gave a deserved one to Nattie for her bullshit about singlehood and slut-shaming and terms that are all things I'd like to forget to avoid WS100 level preachiness in these columns about a show you don't even watch.

Anyway, that slap seems almost forgotten in terms of how much we see Summer, but the impact of Nattie having weird nose injury stuff (damn, Summer can do a good closed palm forehand) is one of three things in this episode. The only thing worth a damn is the Trinity music video stuff because every reality show needs a poorly conceived single and music video component. Also, every reality show needs a power ranking. So that's where this is going.

1. Sandra

I must admit that I wasn't able to watch live with the good folks of Twitter who had a lot of exciting things to say during the episode, which naturally fascinated me in the sense that I like assuming I know what is going on. All I knew for the first half hour though was that Sandra showed up and she was awesome. This is no surprise. Astute long-term viewers will remember Sandra from season 1 and her commitment to making great Diva outfits and a true gift for sass. But have you seen her house? I wish I could just take the time to still frame all of the random shots from her house. It's a treasure trove of wonderful old lady things. The top highlight is this screencap I put on my Tumblr. WHAT HAPPENS AT GRANDMA'S, STAYS AT GRANDMA'S.

2. Naomi/Trinity

I feel I owe a top position to Naomi as despite the fact that she had the ill-planned single and music video, her video turned into a mini Lost in La Mancha in record time. Also, she bedazzled a dress after Sandra doubted her, and then Sandra paid her respects to Naomi, the baddest ass on Total Divas.

3. Summer Rae

This is more of a main roster problem, but it's far too easy to get behind Summer Rae from the three episodes we have been given. Summer does say mean things, but they are all essentially the type of prodding that feels like a person knowing that certain people go for a "damned if you do, damned if you don't" mindset. That is why despite the fact that Nattie is supposed to represent stable veteran respect, I like the young punk newcomer far better. Summer is hardly a Kathleen Hanna feminist icon by any means, but she's also kind of starting to not give so much as a shit about other people's problems. When Summer kicked Nattie in their match (which is clearly taped at Old School Raw 2014, past the episode's claims that Nattie is prepping for her TLC 2013 match, but I digress), I openly cheered. Summer outright lied to Nattie about avoiding the face, but did it anyway because this shit isn't ballet. Sorry, Nattie. Maybe get into riot grrrl or something. I don't want to cheer that like Eva Marie smashed your house with a forklift or whatever next week.

4. Jimmy Uso

All hail the tag champ of couples on Total Divas. All hail Jimmy Uso!

5. Nikki Bella

I mean, she was pretty good at her aim to be in real estate. Albeit, it made me think that I also could be in real estate if the pitch is just "you know, beaches are cool and you're near a beach so here's this house where a beach is." Like, the only way to fuck that up would be if the roof collapsed and killed one or more of the people who wanted to see the house.

6. Cameron/Ariane

Something something NoH8 is cool.

7. Brie Bella

I mean, she didn't do anything. She might've been indirectly talked out from the awesome job she did on the Daniel Bryan documentary. If you want an honest portrayal of a couple I even enjoy in this goofy reality show shit, put on that doc and watch Brie be able to explain the ups and downs of Daniel Bryan.

8. Tamina

Hi, randomly appearing person whose job on TV was to guard the person who hates you all!

9. Eva Marie

No H8 so that's okay.

10. Nattie

Again, I don't want to wish facial injuries on anybody. If that nose injury is legit, then damn, that sounds brutal to continue to wrestle on. But again, I'm not given any reason with which legitimate harm on this show would actually change my opinion of Nattie. I was upset when her cat Gizmo died, because only the most blackhearted cynicism I have would make me assume any of that heartbreak is anything less than honest. I assume if there is an actual death in the family that makes TV, I would feel the same way. As of late, though, that line has been far murkier. The signs are more blatant. The use of ring names for characters seem to point to us a world no longer populated as real or even "real." Paul Heyman saying Vince McMahon went to the hospital with Undertaker because he nearly broke his neck may be more true on a given RAW than most of what I am watching.

Ok, I just really wanted more Sandra.

Damien Sandow was once a can't-miss prospect. Sure, he'd already floundered on the WWE roster as Idol Stevens and had to go back to developmental, but once he got there and was given the Sandow name and character, he'd seemed to have found his perfect storm. The erudite snob allowed him to channel disdain towards the fans in an engaging and thoroughly enthralling way, while he was able to claim a certain look that made him stand out above the rest of the roster. He got to the main show and turned a lot of heads. Being given the opportunity to chew scenery with Degeneration X and work long matches on television against Sheamus was a hugely positive sign for him going forward. His career arc seemed to reach its apogee when he snaked the Money in the Bank briefcase from Cody Rhodes and banked himself a near-guaranteed run with the World Heavyweight Championship.

As the story unfolded, however, Sandow backslid to the point where he's become almost a non-entity. Last night was a stark reminder of how far he'd fallen, when Big Show paid off his diatribe with a knockout punch to the face. The segment was straight out of Pro Wrestling 101, mind you. The bad guy mouths off, gets the crowd all riled up, and then hero comes in and provides instant gratification. Segments such as those are healthy and provide vicarious relief for the lizard side of the average fan's brain. Not everyone has upward mobility, nor should they. The reason why acts like 3MB or Santino Marella exist is to be easy butts of jokes for the faces to pop crowds or for villains to enact humiliation without damaging the goods of a guy with whom the company may want to draw money someday.

The problem with the segment wasn't so much that it happened, but who the butt of the joke was. Yes, Sandow is adept at drawing the crowd's ire, but he's proven that he's got a lot of other tools valuable for a main event baddie in the WWE or in any company. He draws the cheap heat, sure, but every bad guy at some point has to be able to get the easiest boos out of the crowd. However, he's got the next-level skillset that makes him one of the few wrestlers on the roster who can credibly headline WrestleMania as a villain. His in-ring work is impeccable, not only from a nuts and bolts standpoint. He's one of the best at intensifying his evil through his completely domineering and ruthless tactics in the ring. Even though his gimmick feels one-dimensional on the surface, the man behind it has taken great strides to put gravitas behind it enough that he could and did go up against John Cena.

For his troubles, Sandow has slowly but surely been degraded into "just another guy." His trademark pastel tights, whether pink normally or orchid during WWE's monthlong support campaign for Susan G. Komen, have been downgraded to black. His entrance attire is his latest t-shirt, which ill-fits the spirit of his character in a monstrous way. Worst of all, since losing the briefcase in his cash-in attempt on Cena, his role in the company has been the bearer of the dreaded "losing streak," the laziest, very-definition-of-tepid story crutch for a bunch of "creative" types who end up having "nothing" for an awful lot of rostered WWE wrestlers.

Sandow isn't the first talented wrestler to be chewed up by this machine and he won't be the last. WWE as a company doesn't like to bear the creative failure, and when the booking fails a wrestler like it did Sandow after he lost his briefcase to Cena, WWE responds by making it seem like the fault rests with the performer. Then again, standard operating procedure in any major American corporation seems to be to protect the nebulous entity before doing right by individuals on a consistent basis.

Sandow is talented enough to overcome this recent spate of bad booking, however. In reality, the idea that wrestling fans have short memories seems to bear out, and whether he's repackaged in another gimmick or he just gets a refreshed confidence behind him, he can still ascend to where he should be. Who knows, maybe that KO punch from Show was the start of something grander for him. Then again, track record seems to bear out that wrestlers who fall that dramatically out of favor with the machine don't really go anywhere without some kind of major intervention. For all I know, Kieran Shiach could be right and that Sandow might just be part of an old guard who is never going to get as over as the guys before them or the guys coming ahead of them. Still, stripping a character of everything that makes him or her different and treating an obviously talented wrestler like dead weight is counterproductive to having a complete and decent show. Damien Sandow doesn't seem to me to be the kind of guy who should just float around and be a short term punchline, and the fact that he's trending in that direction is a goddamn shame.

April 15 is a miserable day for most people, but Irwin R. Schyster is not like most people. WWE's most famous pencil-pushing former Tag Team Champion is in his glory today. WWE's mid '90s occupational gimmick bonanza had mixed results, but the IRS character was so dry and represented an entity so loathsome that it became one of the most effective and entertaining ones of the era. Of course, every child rebels against his or her father at some point, which explains why his one son decided to run off and found a crazy cult of hillbillies. Nothing could be further from the ethos of bureaucracy than squatting in a swamp trailer and talking about taking down the machine. I bet Thanksgiving is weird around that house, especially with Bo Dallas running around, making hand turkeys and trying so desperately to keep the arguments from getting hotter than the turkey...

The RKO is reputed as "coming out of nowhere," but as Randy Orton has gotten better in the ring over the last year or so, he's relied mostly on telegraphing when he's going to hit said finisher. No matter how good Diamond Dallas Page was, he always found a way to hit the Diamond Cutter out of nowhere or on a whim. Check out this highlight reel which mostly contains all his best Cutters.

...and we are all Jack Swagger.  Was there any sort of glimmer of hope in an hour equivalent to 99 cent Jack in the Box tacos: easily consumed and evaporated the minute they've done so?

...buffering...

...buffering...ah, jeez...

5) I'm not afraid I've got Good News: Wade Barrett's career is off of life support.
The only problem for WWE is he may be turning himself babyface, at least if the bass in the fans chanting Let's Go Barrett and Bad News whilst he throws the Hammer at the likes of Sin Cara are any indication.  Him v. Sheamus in the semis of the Intercontinental Championship #1 contendership tournament next Monday should be fun and stiffer than an IT guy watching an Asa Akira marathon.

4) Crowds love midgets fighting.
There was supposed to be a Los Matadores/McMahal 3MB iteration tag match to kick off the show, but instead a version of Super Astros broke out instead.  Apparently this went back to the Hall of Fame ceremony, and as a result of it Hornswoggle and El Torito have veal.  Not The Onion.  So after about two minutes of the idea of the match happening, the midgets went at it for about 5, in the course of so doing rolling over the referee slowly picking off every fully grown man with a series of crotch shots until they were able to throw air guitars and air thrusts at each other, at which point tiny, tiny blows commenced.  Do I make the joke about Nashville or would you like to?

3) That punch, tho
There's a difference between "the way Swagger's been losing lately" and "land monster socks you in the jaw" (see above).  He might not be able to eat a Swaggie, and I hear they're delicious.

2) 


Just a friendly reminder: the WWE video package crew is far, far better at what they do for a living than whatever it is you pretend to do for work.

1) A new narrative thread in Diva Junction.
Whither AJ? is a Choose Your Own Adventure right now, depending on who and where you get your hot goss from.  She's injured, she quit, she's on hiatus, she ordered the Code Red, Hail Hydra, whatever.  But with her out and with it her rightful rematch, someone had to take the #1 contendership spot against Paige...and it's Tamina.  The 10-woman battle royale to get the shot at Extreme Rules went by faster than you can read this; so quickly there wasn't even room for me to list Eva Marie with the rest of the combatants.

Let's go with her being eliminated first as why.  Emma barely lasted longer, Layla botched the setup for her own elimination -- have I mentioned this show wasn't that good? -- but now there's the possibility of a good match without 2013's North Star to point the way.  Tamina's kicks have been viciously on point lately, and as evidenced on Monday night when Paige is landing hard kicks of her own or putting on the Scorpion Crosslock she's getting the crowd behind her.  Plus, Tamina can be used as a plot point: can she succeed where AJ failed?  Is she just going to beat up Paige to soften her for the rematch?  What if she wants to be Champion but AJ's thinking more along the lines of the prior question when ridiculous things like a Vicki Invitational have been wiped off of the grid?

And we made it.  Now let us never speak of the shortcut again.

It's hump day, so here are some links to get you through the rest of the week:

Wrestling Links:

- Don't always believe [The Classical]

- Me and the Ultimate Warrior [Kayfabe Comedy]

- Saying goodbye to the Ultimate Warrior [SB Nation]

- The Ultimate Warrior was an insane dick [Deadspin]

- The Mandible Claw Podcast, Episode 20: Happiness Is a Tandem Bicycle [The Mandible Claw]

- The Heart Is RAW: Authorial Intent and WrestleMania [International Object]

- The WrestleMania XXX Box Score [Regressing]

- The magic of WrestleMania [¡Olé! Wrestling]

- The Lo-Down Wrestling Podcast: The Streak Playlist [Lo-Down Wrestling]

- The Best and Worst of Impact Wrestling: Something's Rotten in the State of Dixieland [With Leather]

- Eric Young's turn [Voices of Wrestling]

- Who's left in TNA Wrestling? [International Object]

- Pro wrestler Larry Sweeney's suicide, three years later [Comm-digi News]

- The Ten Count: Barefoot wrestlers [Old School Jabronis]

- The Best and Worst of RAW: Rising above Hate (with Photoshop) [With Leather]

- Future solutions - Three proposals for the "new" WWE [False Underdog]

- WWE superstars tell us their hotel horror stories [SB Nation]

- A beginner's guide to New Japan Pro Wrestling [Voices of Wrestling]

Non-Wrestling Links:

- Derrick Gordon finds his freedom [Outsports]

- Six things [Progressive Boink]

- Jon Stewart destroyed the NCAA on Thursday night [Awful Announcing]

- Every NBA team's logo reimagined as Pokemon [Polygon]

- 27 classes we wish they'd make people take in school [Cracked]

- A eulogy for Joffrey from Game of Thrones [Warming Glow]

- Game of Thrones: We need to have a talk about your nudity imbalance [Pajiba]

- Five characters George RR Martin would have loved to kill off [Barnes and Noble]

- What Game of Thrones actors looked like in their younger days [Dorkly]

- Why do people spoil? [Pajiba]

- Pray for Billy Hamilton [SB Nation]

- What is Heartbleed? A non-technical explainer [UPROXX]

- How to grill a flank steak, the steak for socialists [Foodspin]

- Cookin' ATVS Style: Mamere's Shrimp and Potato Stew [And the Valley Shook]

- 15 fascinating facts you may not know about Final Fantasy [Gamma Squad]

- NFL draft scouting has eaten itself [Deadspin]

- Study: The US is an oligarchy [Gawker]

- Republicans prove they love ladies by killing the Equal Pay Bill [Jezebel]

- 18 things white people seem not to understand (because, white privilege) [Thought Catalog]

- The late, great American promise of less work [Paleofuture]

- This Week in F**k You: Spring [Kissing Suzy Kolber]