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Hark! A Match Announced for You Only Live Twice!

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Graphics credit: ChikaraPro.com
Via Twitter

The first match has been announced for You Only Live Twice, the landmark Chikara return show happening in Easton, PA on May 25. In one corner, the Batiri of Obariyon, Kodama, and Kobald await a chance at revenge droolingly. In the other, the man who brought them into Chikara by loaning their services to UltraMantis Black, Sinn Bodhi, has new backing in the Odditorium of Oliver Grimsley and Qefka the Quiet. This first match announced is steeped in years of history. Can the rest of the show be expected to follow suit? Like it or not, war is raging between Chikara and The Flood, and I doubt this first show will be a final battle. I'll be interested to see what the rest of the card looks like.

As for the match itself, I'm supremely interested to see how The Batiri handle working as tecnicos. The group collectively has been the most heelish of bad guys Chikara has seen since before the whole mess with The Flood came about, and unlike most wrestlers who toil on the indies, they seem to relish the idea of being gross, evil, and plain rude. I don't doubt that they'll have support. I know I'll be cheering my keyster off for them in Easton. The surreality of seeing them playing to the crowd instead of hissing and snarling at the fans will be off the charts, however.

WWE Tribute to The Stone Crusher Will Move You

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Photo Credit: WPIX/Pittsburgh
h/t to With Leather

Connor Michalek, known better as The Stone Crusher, passed away last month from cancer. He touched the hearts of millions of wrestling fans, several WWE superstars, and the company itself, and no one forgot it. The company released a tribute video to the youngster, chronicling his first backstage meeting with Daniel Bryan through to WrestleMania XXX, where he got to watch his hero win in the main event and close the show with the new Champ coming down to greet him personally. The video shows Michalek getting to come down to the ring with Bryan to the applause and cheering of the WWE locker room, and he even got to beat Triple H in a totally sanctioned wrestling match. He had great form too; he even hooked the leg!

Anyway, watch the video after the jump. If you don't feel something deep in your soul, I don't know what to say.

The 2013 TWB 100 Epilogue #1: Unpacking My Ballot

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Martinez and Kurihara were two wrestlers who made my ballot but not the final TWB 100 list
Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein
The TWB 100 has finished up, with the votes tallied and collated and results posted. However, the fun has not ended. I will be posting two epilogue posts. Today's entry will unpack my own ballot. I believe in transparency, and since I'm the guy running the thing, I might as well lay bare my thoughts on the whole process. The wrestlers for whom I voted who made the list will have links to their entries, because I'm not writing another blurb for them. Everyone else gets a paragraph, because you need to know about the people who didn't make the list, dammit.

1. Daniel Bryan
2. Antonio Cesaro
3. Goldust
4. Seth Rollins
5. Sami Zayn/El Generico
6. Kevin Steen
7. Dean Ambrose
8. Roman Reigns
9. TJ Perkins/Manik
10. John Cena
11. Green Ant

12. Kyle Matthews

Kyle Matthews remains the best wrestler you're probably not aware of, thanks to a lack of penetration by mainstream independent coverage in Georgia and an utter lack of desire by promoters to seek out anyone in the state. Thankfully, he popped up quite a bit on YouTube in 2013 and showed why he's in demand all across the South. He remains as one of the best babyfaces in all the land, showing an uncanny knack for timing his comebacks and getting the crowd pumping in any situation. He's also the one wrestler who has hybridized Southern style traditional pro wrestling with the modern indie ethos the best. Seek out his match with Vordell Walker from Rampage Pro Television (pbui) in January. The finish may be frustrating, but the two put on a clinic.

13. ACH

14. Vordell Walker

A lot of guys did "agile big man" well in 2013, but few did it better than Walker. A staple of televised local wrestling in Tennessee and Georgia, Walker had his working boots on in 2013, throwing down with a diverse slate of opponents of all shapes and sizes. For as robust and crisp as his mat skills were, his bread and butter was still tossing smaller guys around the ring. Few wrestlers are able to pull that off on the independent level without looking like a fish out of water, but Walker made it look like it belonged, like it was modern.

15. Jack Swagger
16. Athena
17. Drew Gulak
18. Kimber Lee
19. Sheamus
20. Nick Jackson
21. Matt Jackson

22. Paul London
23. William Regal
24. Damien Sandow
25. Randy Orton
26. Dolph Ziggler
27. Ophidian
28. Emma
29. Alberto del Rio

30. Mercedes Martinez

She's as good a brawler as anyone will find on any level in any gender. She shows the savvy of a veteran, and it adds to any match she's party to. She was the perfect going-away opponent for Ayumi Kurihara at SHIMMER because no one would have embraced being hated by the crowd and working to put the retiring beloved star over during the match the way Martinez would have. She also had a vicious, falls-count-anywhere melee with LuFisto in February for WSU. I don't know how much Martinez can do in the indies story-wise, but as a wrestler, she still has plenty of gas in her tank.

31. Frank O'Rourke/Biff Busick
32. AR Fox
33. Paige

34. Fred Yehi

Footage of Yehi dried up a bit, but what I could find of him still impressed the hell out of me. He works such a fresh, inventive style that I think it a crime that he hasn't spread further out of his Georgia/Tennessee footprint so far. His match with Chip Day from February at the Main Event in Porterdale is a must-see. Yehi is a guy who deserves to be seen by as many people as possible. He could be the wrestler who bridges the gap between the indie highspot fans and the people who love mat wrestling.

35. Jimmy Uso
36. Jey Uso


37. Mike Cruz

Cruz is getting a little play in FIP, although I've seen most of his work in other Georgia and Florida indies. He's the one of the best prop-bumping spot dudes out there. Check out matches he's had with Vordell Walker and Chasyn Rance. He really shows a mastery of the ring in addition to all the flippy stuff that gets the people who aren't dorks for match stuff like me noticing.

38. Chiva Kid/Andrew Everett

As the anthropomorphic goat, he burst onto the scene at National Pro Wrestling Day. Over the course of the year, he shed his gear, took a more "professional" name and expanded all across the country. Everett's performance at NPWD nearly singlehandedly put my focus on his home promotion of CWF Mid-Atlantic, and his matches both before and after that date were one of the big revelations in 2013.

39. Amasis

Amazing that in virtually his first match back in a Chikara ring that didn't end in an angled beatdown that he went 30 minutes in crushing heat to perform one of the best single matches of the year. He went from perhaps not being able to walk again to restoring his spot and even improving, both in singles and in tags.

40. Jessicka Havok
41. Mike Quackenbush
42. Cody Rhodes
43. Davey Vega
44. Ricochet
45. CM Punk

46. Cedric Alexander

He was in a similar boat as ACH in 2013, mired in tags in ROH while his landmark singles stuff happened elsewhere. However, he was excellent enough in all facets to warrant a top-half vote from me. I expect even bigger things from him in 2014 as he gets a far bigger and better singles push in more promotions.

47. Nicole Matthews

I always knew she was a great heel worker through her SHIMMER appearances. Then, I saw some ECCW footage of her playing the babyface, leading the crowd, taking heat, and nailing her comebacks. Nicole Matthews is a victim of me not having seen enough footage of her, but she's definitely a wrestler who could be a bigger critical darling than she is now if given the platforms.

48. Big E Langston

49. Eric Corvis

Corvis is another wrestler who played both sides of the alignment ledger sheet with great aplomb. Whether taking an ass-whupping from Eddie Kingston at Wrestling Is Cool or lording over Jewells Malone at Beyond, Corvis had himself a grand ol' year.

50. Rey Mysterio
51. Rich Swann

52. Shynron

While I was a bit taken aback by him co-opting some of ACH's in-ring spots, he still added more than enough to show he forged his own identity. His match against AR Fox to kick off the Beyond Wrestling Tournament for Tomorrow tapings is a must see.

53. Sami Callihan

54. Jewells Malone

Malone showed a lot of fire and spunk for Beyond Wrestling this year. She was the ultimate underdog all Tournament for Tomorrow weekend, and I'm looking forward to her making more of an impact both in Beyond and WSU in 2014.

55. LuFisto

Poor Lufi had her year cut short thanks to a knee injury at SHIMMER on WrestleMania weekend. Still, she had time to turn in some super performances, especially vs. Mercedes Martinez at WSU in February and in the four-team tag match where she got hurt.

56. Luke Harper

57. Jervis Cottonbelly

If you think Cottonbelly is all gimmick, you're going to be sorely mistaken when you see him in the ring. He has a surprising fluid grapple game, and more often than not, his matches end up being one of the best on the show.

58. El Hijo del Ice Cream
59. Ice Cream, Jr.


Los Ice Creams are the perfect comedic wrestlers. They are a laugh riot every single time out, and rarely do their antics take away from the story told inside the ring.

60. Christian
61. Ryback

62. Ayumi Kurihara

Sure, this ballot placement was based off one match, but it was a pretty spiffy one against Mercedes Martinez on the SHIMMER Mania Weekend show. Kurihara's not only going to be missed by joshi fans who saw her regularly, but her place at the SHIMMER weekends in Berwyn is going to be pretty hard to fill.

63. Samoa Joe
64. The Big Show

65. Christina von Eerie

von Eerie was the perfect gritty, grimy wrestler on the women's scene this year, providing a hardcore, raw edge to any match she was in.

66. Fandango

67. Frightmare

I still think he's not fully recovered from his knee problems, but regardless, the smallest, bounciest member of the Spectral Envoy provided his moments in 2013.

68. Brian Cage

Cage was the best possible feats of strength guy in the limited footage I saw of him last year.

69. JT Dunn
70. Adam Cole
71. Adrian Neville

72. Juan Francisco de Coronado

While his character still needs a lot of polish, the Ecuadorian Elite is right there when it comes to wrestling ability.

73. Hallowicked
74. Curtis Axel


75. Willie Mack

Even though he's inexplicably being moved down the card in PWG by the year, Mack still busts his ass in the ring, referenced by his main event from Championship Wrestling from Hollywood against Samoa Joe.

76. Rocky Romero
77. Alex Koslov


They made a match with the American Wolves entertaining, fun, and blithe in ROH, which I think means they get automatic canonization upon their deaths.

78. Mark Andrews
79. Pete Dunne


They had a nice little tour of America over the summer, including a raucously fun match against the Osirian Portal.

80. The Undertaker

81. Dasher Hatfield

Hatfield continues to be another one of those Chikara masks whose wrestling ability gets overlooked because of the sheer goofiness of his character.

82. Kane
83. Chris Hero/Kassius Ohno
84. Tim Donst

85. TaDarius Thomas

I dig his capoeira-infused offense, and he and Kyle O'Reilly actually found a way to make the generic trading-strikes trope feel fresh and new at AAW in January.

86. Brock Lesnar

87. Allysin Kay

She's still as ruthless and brutal in the ring as ever, and she'll be getting even more of a chance to shine with longer matches with more importance in the coming year across the land.

88. Heath Slater

Slater is still one of the best guys in WWE at making everyone else look like a million bucks, no matter how bad it makes him look.

89. Darren Young

Young's work within the Prime Time Players might get overlooked because of how infrequently they were booked, but he at least got a chance to show he could hang in a singles match against CM Punk.

90. AJ Lee

91. Mark Briscoe

The younger Briscoe seems to be floating and floating further into his goofy-ass redneck kung fu every year, but I'm not complaining one bit.

92. Max Smashmaster
93. Blaster McMassive


The Devastation Corporation got markedly better as the year progressed and may have perfected the late '80s/early '90s WWF muscular stiff persona into something that is actually entertaining to watch in the ring.

94. Fire Ant
95. UltraMantis Black
96. Estonian Thunder Frog

97. Saturyne/Hania the Howling Huntress

Another Chikara wrestler who improved by leaps and bounds, Saturyne dumped the mask, tweaked her in-ring game, and now looks to be one of the hottest risers in '14.

98. Michael Elgin
99. Chris Jericho

100. Ricardo Rodriguez/El Local

He was involved in WWE's best comedy match of the year, throws better punches than half the roster, and did a lot of yeoman's work getting over guys in matches both on the main roster and NXT.

Tomorrow (or Thursday, depending on my schedule), I'll have some cool alternative analytics!

The Best Moves Ever: Hart Attack

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WWE claims it wants to bring the tag division to the forefront, but how many teams currently have a team finisher? I can count two, but really the number is zero. The Shield's triple powerbomb is a trios finish, and the Ascension hasn't made it to the main roster yet. Technicalities. Anyway. Back in the day, the movesets weren't as refined, but at least teams had double team finishers. The Hart Attack was simple - an elevated, assisted clothesline - but it got the job done. It was workmanlike, and in a way, the Hart Foundation was quite the workmanlike team. Bret Hart and Jim Neidhart showed up, they dismantled, and they left, all without the facepaint of Demolition or the pretty boy spandex of the Rockers.

Your Midweek Links: Awards, Dontaku, and Extreme Rules

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Rollins' big stunt was a big part of Extreme Rules
Photo Credit: WWE.com
It's hump day, so here are some links to get you through the rest of the week:

Wrestling Links:

- The (First Third of) 2014 Pro Wrestling Awards [Voices of Wrestling]

- I hope OSHA wasn't watching: WWE Extreme Rules '14 review [The Wrestling Blog]

- The Best and Worst of WWE Extreme Rules 2014 [With Leather]

- What we learned from Extreme Rules 2014 [SB Nation]

- Facts from WWE Extreme Rules [The Only Way Is Suplex]

- Extreme Rules 2014 [Kick-Out!! Wrestling]

- Bang for Your Buck PPV Review: Extreme Rules 2014 [Juice Make Sugar]

- The all-time April PPV card [Place to Be Nation]

- This is what a WWE script looks like [Deadspin]

- Brock the Conqueror [Voices of Wrestling]

- The Best and Worst of RAW: I Know What You Did Last PPV [With Leather]

- Wrestling with Food: WRESTLEMANIA PARTY EDITION [Wrestling on Earth]

- This is the beginning: Meet Bray Wyatt, the new best wrestler ever [Dunk360]

- New Japan Pro Wrestling's Wrestling Dontaku 2014 review [Voices of Wrestling]

- Vintage Best and Worst: King of the Ring 1996 [With Leather]

- Question: How does WWE view its global audience? [The Only Way Is Suplex]

Non-Wrestling Links:

- The NBA wanted to kick Donald Sterling out of the league in 1982 [Deadspin]

- NBA Playoffs Results Grid [The Unbiased Fan]

- Exclusive photos of the San Francisco Zoo's newest red panda [Animals]

- Recipes for gourmet ingredients written by 20 year olds [SB Nation]

- Cookin' ATVS Style: Venetian rice [And the Valley Shook]

- How to make chili oil, aka liquid fun [The Concourse]

- This Week in F*ck You: Dominque Ansel [Kissing Suzy Kolber]

- Quit whining about children in fancy restaurants [Powder Room]

- Florida woman uses store policy to get over 300 free cooked chickens [Jezebel]

- These e-mails confirm that Darren Rovell is a sensitive penis [Deadspin]

- Occupy protester could get seven years for her own sexual assault [Jezebel]

- Here's what you need to know about the kidnapped Nigerian girls [Gawker]

- Cruel and unusual? Supply problems, botched executions renew debate about lethal injection [The Verge]

- What it's like to live as an unattractive woman [Pajiba]

- Asian men are angry [Jezebel]

- 2014 NFL Draft Preview [Four Pins]

- The 2014 Big XII worst case scenario preview [Every Day Should Be Saturday]

- Blizzard offers '90s platformer Lost Vikings for free [Polygon]

- 15 fascinating facts you may not have known about Super Smash Bros. [UPROXX]

- We have seen the Oklahoma state capitol Satanic monument, and it is awesome [Gawker]

- Scientists confirm the existence of the elusive 117th element [The Verge]

- The ten biggest misconceptions about the First World War [io9]

Best Coast Bias: CeNation, Indivisible?

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He should really be called the Emblem but apparently that wouldn't sell
Photo Credit: WWE.com
With a heavy heart this installment of the Bias must be written with a shroud of black on.  A fine, fine joke passed away last night.  You see, for the length of this show there was comedy.  A couple of times there was even high comedy. And then, there was John Cena putting a button on the opening sting for the show.   The E's poster boy appearing on the tertiary show?  Sir, are you lost? You had a better chance of seeing a Chippewa make out with Daniel Snyder before John Cena would end up here.

And yet.

Bray Wyatt may've referred to himself as a god Monday night, and if you ignore the fact he needed 600 pounds of help and the missing child of the corn to win Sunday, you can see the Durdenesque logic in play behind the mind of the WWE's closest equivalent to an all-singing all-dancing-with-his-opponents-when-they've-been-pummeled-by-his-minions Project Mayhem of the Stamford World.   He beat John Cena, his message is growing his cult fanbase.  This should be leading to a slow moving breakdown on Cena's part, except for one thing: for him, everything on his annually changing merch is a way of life in addition to a cash cow that allows for beach houses and hot twins admist the Make-A-Wish granting.

So it was that he came to Main Event, not to belittle the fans but semi-stoically note his powerless over them being able to go a different way if they so chose.  But he also wanted to note he wasn't giving up, and why should he?  He won at WrestleMania, and nearly beat the 103rd Airborne at Extreme Rules.  There's some form of a rubber match coming, and that should get his attention above all else.  In WWE, despite his general record of pay-per-view/Network special success this year, Wyatt knows there's something more important than the belts Daniel Bryan's holding, and that's beating John Cena.  Most religion is montheistic, fancy talk for "there can be only one".  In order for Wyatt to scorch the Earth to rebuild it in his image, he has to take down this empire's.

And if he can't unleash the monster within whether through Cena's stubborn willpower or Rumsfeldian compartmentalization, then the only alternative is to hit Cena with the hardest blow he can, more vicious than any uranage or swinging reverse facebuster: his connection to the youth that gives him superhuman powers and strength.  Adapt or die is for fallen kings and hungry soldiers; when you're so far above the game the act of winning over you could make somebody go from counterculture weirdo to actual threat and you supercede the entire Championship history of THIS BUSINESS, you can be the same and let the various crowds be the water which flows around you.  John Cena is a rock who's beaten The Rock.  Hell, he'll even show up Tuesday nights if you ask.

Sure, it would've been interesting if something had seismically shifted and changed everything.  But a moment that threatened such had literally just happened before Cena hit the ring in the Goldust/Curtis Axel match.   With Cody on a losing streak and his brother acquiring the nasty habit of succeeding where he's been failing lately it all seemed to be coming together.  Goldust was down on the floor, slowly coming up, and Cody ran up the barrier before flying off with the Disaster Kick.  And then--

--Dustin ducked down and the oncoming Ryback caught it right in the face.  Shortly thereafter the Final Cut won the former Intercontinental Champion the match, and his interspersing looks of sheer joy and relief were glorious.  It's so unbelievably hard to sell a moment non-verbally but since Goldust is some kind of time lord of course he pulled it off as if it weren't no thang, shaming even Cody's wry look of "Oh, what?  You thought that was coming at *you*?" betwixt high fives and hugs.  Someday the fissure is going to be a rupture that goes beyond the healing point, and when it does it'd be a Fun Dip sweet nod to get Continuity Bear to do his dance if the breaking point came off another springboard kick from the heel of the formerly Dashing one.

While dashing and prancing aren't synonyms, there are several hundred million things that're less closely related; there's a lot of symmetry there to be seen by anyone who cares to look.   And so it was the wheels came off of Jack Swagger's efforts to beat Dolph Ziggler the moment Why Isn't This Chelsea Dagger Already? and Adam Rose came out crowdsurfed on the hands of his Rosebuds.  The entire style-making cult of the bored party-happy young quickly undermined the Real Americans, and soon Dolph was in the ring with some cuties in a conga line.  The fact he could even move after going Full Ziggler three times in the opening five minutes is a testament to everything that made Amy Schumer break up with him; FZing once is enough, and three times that quickly in such a low-profile match is pretty much the dictionary definition of suffering for one's art.  This probably isn't the origin story for Team Ad-Dolph, but it still feels like the White House should be petitioned to let Adam and the Bunny become Tag Champions at some point this year.

In addition, there was an infomercial for Total Divas that also functioned as a six-woman tag match.  Cameron and Natalya were beefing before, during, and after the match, but with Naomi as the awkward onlooker glue that barely held things together they managed to overcome Tamina and Foxsana.  To the surprise of absolutely no one the match was best when Alicia and/or Naomi were in there, thus probably no doubt infuriating Alexander Rusev.  You'd think Cameron would be more appreciative, seeing as she was the one who threw the house party in somebody else's house while losing their cat to boot and literally Hibberted this whole match with a nice big fact round number ending, beginning, and compromised by the number 0, but some things in life are inexplicable.  You know, like the name of a team outliving the thing that inspired the name in the first place.  Surely every member of the Jazz and Lakers knows what that's like.  None of them could pull off a double jump split legged moonsault like Naomi, however, and here that made all the difference. NattieKat can call Cameron fake all she wants if that level of athleticism is still going to go on around their common bond fraying and bending.

It'd be a brave new world for WWE to enter with not every single face being in love with each other, but then again this was an hour where Disaster kicks failed to drop brothers and the Franchise had to come out with a soothing verbal massage for the kiddies.  Just the fact he showed up shows progress; that said, like most progress, it may take a long time for an institution to change its ways for good.

Four Corners Tag Match Announced for You Only Live Twice

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Graphics via ChikaraPro.com
Chikara has announced another match for its return show, although it has not announced who will be competing in said match. A traditional four-corners elimination match will take place at You Only Live Twice, live and on Internet-pay-per-view in Easton, PA on May 25. This news is straight out of the Chikara playbook from before its temporary dissolution. The match would be announced, and then one team would be added at a time over the next few days or weeks. I'm glad to see that some traditions have seemingly not changed.

However, another staple of these matches remains up in the air. Normally, points towards contention to Los Campeonatos de Parejas could be earned in the match, with an elimination being equal to one point. Teams could theoretically earn all three points necessary to bank a title shot in one match. The most famous example I can think of happened in November of 2010, when Mike Quackenbush and Jigsaw gained all three points in one match and went on to defeat Claudio Castagnoli and Ares at the next event to take the belts back from the BDK. One problem exists, however; no one is sure of the status of those belts.

The hardware was sold off in the chaotic aftermath of Aniversario last year. While Eddie Kingston's Gollumesque attachment to the physical Grand Championship belt has made it easier for him to reassert his claim to the belt, Jigsaw and The Shard, who won the titles at Aniversario over 3.0, might not have as much of a stake in their belts now that they have been sold off to a high bidder. As seems to be the theme with the early goings of this return, Chikara, in disseminating news, has provided more questions than answers. Still, I'm glad to see that some things have not changed.

The Feelings Dump: Little Guys, Big Punches

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Sheamus got his ass handed to him by Hunico for real, so why would it be BS if it weren't?
Photo Credit: WWE.com
I'm sure everyone by now has heard that Sheamus and Hunico/Sin Cara got into a scrap backstage, and that the latter got the better of the Celtic Warrior. The fact that they got into a fight really doesn't titillate me. I couldn't care less about what kinds of beef wrestlers have between them unless the problems point to a bigger, more systemic issue that could impact the company on the whole. Shawn Michaels and Bret Hart coming to blows in the mid-'90s interests me. Sheamus getting roughed up by Sin Cara v. 2.0? Not so much.

However, the reaction to the fight gives me a bit of a laugh because of how that result, the smaller wrestler getting the better of the bigger, more muscular guy, confirms the biases that a lot of observers seem to place on Vince McMahon's person. The stereotype over the years is that McMahon thinks that the more muscles you have, the stronger you appear to the crowd, and thus the more popular you'll be. That philosophy has been proven wrong even in the earliest days of the nationally-expanded WWF. Sure, Hulk Hogan and to a lesser extent, the Ultimate Warrior, were musclebound beyond belief in the first giant boom for the company, but Hogan was good at what he did, and Warrior, if not the best wrestler, was at least insanely charismatic (emphasis on the "insane" part). The other stars from that era like the doughy Junkyard Dog, the skinny-fat Roddy Piper, and the proto-high flyer Randy Savage were almost as popular.

In fact, throughout the history after that era, WWE's top stars have run the gamut from ripped, statuesque Adonises like John Cena and Brock Lesnar down to everymen like Steve Austin and CM Punk down through the smallest of the small like Rey Mysterio and Daniel Bryan. The main factor in their popularity with crowds was not their immense size, nor was it the projection that they could beat everyone up who came across their door. Each and every one of those wrestlers got to where they were because they were or are in the case of Cena, Bryan, and even Lesnar, insanely talented at what they did. Of course, it helped that they all could look like they could legitimately hurt anyone, but pro wrestling is built on the illusion that anyone in a given match could hurt any opponent put in front of them. To perceive brawling ability or efficacy just by looking at someone is to discredit the entire business of professional wrestling.

As fate would have it, size doesn't equal fighting supremacy either. Hunico was not the first to put Sheamus on his ass; Yoshi Tatsu, who gives away three inches and 60 pounds to Sheamus got the best of him in a scrap when NXT was still known as FCW. Arn Anderson famously got one over on Sid in a hotel fight that may have involved scissors. Hell, Joey Styles knocked JBL the fuck out once. The same script has happened over and over again, and yet the overwhelming reaction I've seen towards Sheamus is to laugh at him for being handled by a smaller dude.

I don't know how many people laughing hysterically at Sheamus were the same ones yelling "YES!" at every show and demanding that WWE put aside its size bias (that if it exists at all, is nerfed by saner voices) and push Bryan to the moon, but the juxtaposition of both arguments is hilarious even if just to compare two different, mutually exclusive parts of the fandom. Maybe it's the base part of the human psyche to laugh at anyone who is less fortunate than they are or who doesn't conform to societal norms, but maybe laughing at Sheamus shouldn't be the answer. Maybe the reaction should be to give a virtual fist bump to Hunico? I mean, he just provided another reality-based proof that anything can happen in a fight regardless of which opponent is bigger than the other one.

Then again, positive reinforcement isn't exactly the forte of hardcore wrestling fans. WWE has also seemed to prove that its size bias might not be real after all, and any perceived fan hypocrisy really doesn't matter in the long run for any reason. Maybe this entire post was an exercise in venting and shouting at no one in particular because people are enjoying a newsy item that I think is pointless. It wouldn't be the first time I was practicing for when I become a crotchety old man yelling at kids to get off my lawn. Still, I find it endearing whenever a smaller dude knocks a bigger guy on his ass in any kind of fight. Maybe some day, everyone will see it my way and stop yelling at ideas for people like Bryan, Evan Bourne, or even AJ Lee to conquer all the meddlesome giants in the industry and take their places along the top of the card like they should.

The 2013 TWB 100 Epilogue #2: Normalizing the Process

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Melissa was a poster child for someone who could have been helped by a different voting method
Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein
If I were to identify one flaw within the entire TWB 100 process, it is that I don't have a uniform ballot size. It was a compromise that I wanted to make in order to cast as wide a net as possible for potential voters. I didn't want to shut the people out who only had strong opinions on a small number of wrestlers or who only watched WWE/a certain indie in favor of long lists, but I also didn't want to make those dorks like myself and Dylan Hales who felt compelled to rank a full slate of 100 to feel like their extended contributions wouldn't be warranted or welcomed.

I like the way the list is now, even with that flaw, but I can't help but thinking that the lack of uniformity may have skewed the results a bit. For example, what's the exchange rate in thought? Should the last place ballots on any given size be given the same weight as the first place ones. Does the 25-voter have the same opinion of his/her 25th place wrestler that someone like me would have of the respective 100th place one, or did that person just stop at whom he/she thought was 25th best and didn't bother to go further down? Honestly, without gaining psychic powers, I could not answer that question with validity.

This year, I was curious to see what a normalized list would look like. I had two options. The first and most inclusive was to consider the top 25 wrestlers on everyone's ballots only, no matter how many wrestlers were submitted. The results are listed below:

1 Daniel Bryan
2 Antonio Cesaro
3 Seth Rollins
4 Sami Zayn/El Generico
5 John Cena
6 Dean Ambrose
7 Roman Reigns
8 CM Punk
9 Goldust
10 Randy Orton
11 Kevin Steen
12 Bray Wyatt
13 Cody Rhodes
14 AJ Lee
15 Nick Jackson
16 Matt Jackson
17 Adam Cole
18 Dolph Ziggler
19 Drew Gulak
20 Alberto del Rio
21 Paige
22 Luke Harper
23 Johnny Gargano
24 ACH
25 Green Ant
26 Ricochet
27 Tim Donst
28 Brock Lesnar
29 Frank O'Rourke/Biff Busick
30 Jack Swagger
31 Big E Langston
32 Michael Elgin
33 Cheerleader Melissa
34 Sheamus
35 Chris Hero/Kassius Ohno
36 Chuck Taylor
37 Trent?
38 AR Fox
39 Drake Younger
40 Kyle O'Reilly
41 Bully Ray
42 AJ Styles
43 Eddie Edwards
44 Kane
45 Eddie Kingston
46 Emma
47 Mark Henry
48 Damien Sandow
49 William Regal
50 Davey Vega
51 Athena
52 Vordell Walker
53 Christopher Daniels
54 UltraMantis Black
55 Chris Dickinson
56 Chris Jericho
57 Bobby Roode
58 Gail Kim
59 Bo Dallas
60 Mark Angelosetti
61 Sami Callihan
62 Jessicka Havok
63 Veda Scott
64 Icarus
65 Adrian Neville
66 Austin Aries
67 The Big Show
68 Jimmy Uso
69 Joseph Park/Abyss
70 Candice LeRae
71 Jey Uso
72 Ryback
73 TJ Perkins/Manik
74 Davey Richards
75 Gary Jay
76 Rich Swann
77 Ethan Page
78 Samoa Joe
79 Madison Eagles
80 Kyle Matthews
81 Mike Cruz
82 Jay Briscoe
83 Josh Alexander
84 Michael Hutter/Derrick Bateman/ECIII
85 Kana
86 Kofi Kingston
87 Uhaa Nation
88 Archibald Peck/Robert Evans
89 Akira Tozawa
90 Christian
91 Estonian Thunder Frog
92 Jojo Bravo
93 Kimber Lee
94 Mercedes Martinez
95 Shynron
96 Jeff Hardy
97 The Undertaker
98 MsChif
99 Tyler Breeze
100 Colt Cabana

The first thing that jumps out is that Vordell Walker made the leap all the way from unranked on the main list to #52 on this list. While he didn't appear on a whole lot of ballots, the ones he did show up on, he was exceptionally well-rated. Other Southern faves such as Mike Cruz and Kyle Matthews made appearances as well. Cheerleader Melissa leads the trend towards more women on the list too. She did make the proper 100, but she was in the bottom quarter. Here, she is in the top 35. Mercedes Martinez, MsChif, Madison Eagles, and Kana all made this list, while Veda Scott, Athena, and Gail Kim saw bumps in their rankings. Still, I thought this list was pretty similar to the main list, especially at the top. One notable omission from this list, however, was Fandango. He made the original 100, but since the highest vote he received was 28th place, he actually got ZERO votes in this accounting of ballots. That dropoff certainly could qualify as the most precipitous.

I did a second normalization by taking the maximum ballots, the ones with 100 wrestlers on them, and making a list out of those. Obviously, that list was more exclusive than the first two, but it was also most extensive and conducive to having a complete look at the wrestling world. The following voters submitted ballots with 100 unique wrestlers on them:
TH, David Kincannon, Alex Torres, Martin Bentley, Joe Roche, Samuel DiMascio, Ryan Kilma, Tristan Wolfe, Rob Pandola, Mike Pankowski, Dylan Hales, Brandon Stroud
A fine lineup of voters if I ever saw one. With only those votes counted, the following is how the TWB 100 would have looked this year:

1 Daniel Bryan
2 Antonio Cesaro
3 Sami Zayn/El Generico
4 Dean Ambrose
5 Roman Reigns
6 Seth Rollins
7 John Cena
8 Goldust
9 Drew Gulak
10 CM Punk
11 Nick Jackson
12 Matt Jackson
13 ACH
14 Kevin Steen
15 Cody Rhodes
16 Adam Cole
17 AR Fox
18 Frank O'Rourke/Biff Busick
19 Randy Orton
20 Paige
21 Johnny Gargano
22 Green Ant
23 Bray Wyatt
24 Luke Harper
25 Eddie Kingston
26 Michael Elgin
27 Sami Callihan
28 Dolph Ziggler
29 Chris Hero/Kassius Ohno
30 Chuck Taylor
31 Tim Donst
32 Sheamus
33 Jack Swagger
34 Alberto del Rio
35 Big E Langston
36 AJ Lee
37 Brock Lesnar
38 Jessicka Havok
39 Icarus
40 Ricochet
41 Jay Briscoe
42 Emma
43 Jey Uso
44 William Regal
45 Jimmy Uso
46 AJ Styles
47 Bully Ray
48 Chiva Kid/Andrew Everett
49 Josh Alexander
50 Drake Younger
51 Rich Swann
52 Kyle O'Reilly
53 Candice LeRae
54 Archibald Peck/Robert Evans
55 Eddie Edwards
56 Kimber Lee
57 Davey Vega
58 Athena
59 Christopher Daniels
60 Michael Hutter/Derrick Bateman/ECIII
61 Mike Quackenbush
62 Colt Cabana
63 Christian
64 Mark Angelosetti
65 Adrian Neville
66 Veda Scott
67 Hallowicked
68 The Big Show
69 UltraMantis Black
70 Davey Richards
71 Mark Henry
72 Damien Sandow
73 Joseph Park/Abyss
74 Vordell Walker
75 Chris Dickinson
76 Ethan Page
77 TJ Perkins/Manik
78 Jigsaw
79 Kyle Matthews
80 Ophidian
81 Fire Ant
82 Austin Aries
83 Mike Cruz
84 Trent?
85 Tyler Breeze
86 Shane Hollister
87 Paul London
88 JT Dunn
89 Bobby Roode
90 Mike Bennett
91 Allysin Kay
92 Mark Briscoe
93 Bo Dallas
94 Natalya
95 Amasis
96 Chris Jericho
97 Estonian Thunder Frog
98 Cheerleader Melissa
99 Frightmare
100 Max Smashmaster

This list has a lot more drastic changes in it. Firstly, this list is the only one where an indie wrestler, in this case, Drew Gulak, made the top 10. I don't think that should surprise anyone since people who rank 100 wrestlers tend to have indie-friendly ballots, both in quality and quantity. The Young Bucks' placement on this list shouldn't be a surprise either. They were included on every single 100 ballot except for one. Even with all the shaking up of the order, only fourteen names are on this list that weren't in the original.

Even with the changes, I felt like all three lists were similar enough that I feel somewhat vindicated for running the process the way I do. Then again, a sample size of one year isn't sufficient enough to notice any trends. I don't have the time any kind of advanced numbers on changes or trends, although I'm sure someone out there (like ballot-submitter and numbers guru Chris Harrington, maybe?) would have a field day analyzing this year's stats. I would love to see those numbers. For now, I will forge ahead with the way I've been doing things, but I will continue to take a look at the trends, and if in a few years, something glaring comes up, I'd be willing to make a move in either direction.

Throwback Thursday: I'm Brian F***ing Pillman

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Brian Pillman was definitely a wrestler taken from the world too soon, but his short life was jam-packed full of highlight reel material, whether in the ring in his early career, or his jaw-dropping interview stuff out of it. One of his most controversial moments came at his ECW debut. He'd just been fired from WCW, so he showed up at The Arena and interrupted the open of CyberSlam '96. His profanity-laden tirade was a hit with the crowd, even as Pillman called them unflattering things (not the least of which being the same as Eric Bischoff... I'd want to fight him). It wasn't until he tried to whip his dick out that the fans turned on him. The video is almost ten minutes long, but it's fascinating and enthralling and everything that made Pillman a must-see personality.



This week's subject comes to you courtesy of @LouHemp, who is either Jay Cutler in a class portrait or Burt Reynolds in Smoky and the Bandit if his Twitter avatars are to be believed.

Pick Three: Kings and Queens of the East

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Athena won the tourney last year; gold this year?
Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein
The weekend has arrived, and as you know, that means wrestling is afoot! Yes, shows are happening all over the country, the continent, THE WORLD even. Guess what? You can go to one. Certainly, a show is happening within driving distance of you. I will highlight three of the best shows of the weekend, but surely, you can get your keyster to a show that may not be listed below. Still, if you're in the area of any of these shows, you should definitely get to one.

GOLD - Women's Superstars Uncensored Queen and King of the Ring

The annual Queen and King of the Ring Tournament is this weekend, Saturday at the Flyers Skate Zone in Voorhees, NJ. The show will start at 4 PM Eastern Daylight Time, and yes, it will be available on Internet pay-per-view. I attended the show last year, and it was a veritable hoot seeing the teams interact with each other. Last year gave the crowd the adorable Matt Tremont/Addy Starr pairing (well, as adorable as a team with those two titans of hardcore on it can be) where they wore each other's t-shirts, the synergistic pairing of Drew Gulak and Kimber Lee, and the grimy, punk ethos of Christina von Eerie and Masada. Last year's winners, AR Fox and Athena, will not be returning, mainly because the female portion of that team has a huge title opportunity. However, the lineup for the tournament proper is nothing less than stellar.

Lee and Gulak return this year, and what do you know, they have a bye into the second round. The other six teams will compete in first round matches. JT Dunn welcomes Shelly Martinez to the East Coast, and they will take on a couple of other West Coast staples in Joey Ryan and Candice LeRae. LeRae has blown up PWG, and both team members have rocked hard on their YouTube show. However, Dunn is in the midst of breaking out, and Martinez has a bit of name cache. While this match might be the best match of the first round, it won't be the most violent. Jewells Malone and Danny Havoc will get together and take on Tremont and his new partner (since Starr is still on sabbatical in England) Mickie Knuckles. Tremont and Knuckles teaming together should be regulated by FEMA, but don't count out Havoc and especially Malone. That Canadian is CRAZY. The other first round match will pit co-owner DJ Hyde and Sassy Stephie teaming up to battle the sleaziest team in the tournament, Shanna and Chris Dickinson. The semifinals and finals will also take place at this show.

I mentioned before that Athena would have another opportunity in this show, and it is a doozy. Since Jessicka Havok was fired and stripped of the WSU World Championship, she will go from also-ran to a rematch against the woman who beat her at Mutiny for the initial title shot, LuFisto. To up the ante, this match has been made a best two-out-of-three falls match. Their match at the last card was hailed as one of the best of the year to date. With the biggest prize in the company on the line, they could have a chance to top that. That vacant Championship won't be the only one on the line. Barbi Hayden returns to WSU with her NWA Women's Championship on the line against Neveah. In another rematch from Mutiny, Hania the Howling Huntress will go toe to toe with Jenny Rose, and rounding out the show, Angelus Layne and Angie Skye will battle in an uncensored opportunity.

Last year's show was super fun, because tournaments usually are. But the talent in this slate is on point, and the non-tournament matches are going to be out of this world. Will Havok not being here to pass her lineage down the right way hurt the show? I'd be lying if I said it wouldn't. She's also one of the best wrestlers in the country right now. But as the company always does, WSU compensates well. This show on Saturday ought to be a barnburner.

SILVER - Ring of Honor Global Wars

Next week's Ring of Honor show is the main entree in their cooperation with New Japan Pro Wrestling this month. However, the appetizer looks pretty damn tasty as well. Several NJPW stars will be making the trek into Canada for Global Wars, a show that will set up the War of the Worlds next week in New York. The card is actually split in half, with three New Japan matches announced, two ROH matches, one interpromotional affair, and a host of other ROH talent scheduled to appear. The show will happen at the Ted Reeve Arena in Toronto, ON. The bell time is 7:30 PM local.

The one ROH vs. NJPW match announced pits Michael Elgin, who gets a shot at the IWGP World Heavyweight Championship in New York against current titleholder AJ Styles, against Takaaki Watanabe. Watanabe has been on excursion in America, and this match will more than likely be his stiffest test. As for his NJPW brethren, they are scattered in three tag matches. The former Champion, Kazuchika Okada teams with co-promoter Gedo to take on the nefarious Bullet Club, featuring Styles and "The Machine Gun" Karl Anderson. Gedo's partner in crime, Jado, teams with the wonderfully sleazy Shinsuke Nakamura to take on the legendary duo of Hiroshi Tanahashi and Jushin "Thunder" Liger. In a match with a heavy gaijin flavor, the Young Bucks defend their IWGP Jr. Heavyweight Tag Team Championships against the Time Splitters of Alex Shelley and KUSHIDA and the Forever Hooligans.

In ROH's offerings, Adam Cole will give Kevin Steen one final shot at the ROH World Championship. The two sometimes friends (mainly in PWG) and mostly enemies (in ROH) will clash for the right to defend the title in New York next week against Liger. Personally, I can't see Cole dropping the belt here, but no offense to the current Champ, I'd rather see Steen take on the legendary kingpin of the jr. heavies. Jay Lethal will also defend his Television Championship in a four-corner survival match against Silas Young and former Champions Tommaso Ciampa and Matt Taven. Other talent scheduled to appear are the Briscoe Brothers, ACH, Cedric Alexander, Mike Bennett, reDRagon, and The Decade of BJ Whitmer, Jimmy Jacobs, Roderick Strong, and TaDarius Thomas.

BRONZE - BATTLEWAR 18

Sunday night, the intrepid BATTLEWAR promotion celebrates its second anniversary with a huge card at Les Foufounes Electriques in Montreal, QC. The show will begin at 8 PM local time, and it has a huge tag team attraction match featuring several hundreds of pounds of men crashing into each other. I'm talkin' indie hoss fight, baybay. In one corner, Le Tabarnak de Team, the Quebecois tag that is sweeping New England and soon the rest of the country, will face their greatest challenge yet. Sidney Bakabella has been promised a sweet payday, so he has brought his Devastation Corporation up north to the pay window in Montreal, doubly enticed thanks to the strength of the Canadian dollar. However, I wonder if he'll bring extra insurance to guard against any funny business. I haven't seen Flex Rumblecrunch in awhile...

In other matches, the hardest working wrestler in the biz Portia Perez will get another crack at noted woman-hater Shane Matthews, this time in a no disqualification match. If anyone can make Matthews eat his words, it's the devious and gifted Canadian Ninja. Dirty Buxx Belmar will have his hands full with two challengers for his BATTLEWAR Championship in "Speedball" Mike Bailey and Shayne Hawke. Also scheduled to appear at this show are Big Bad Quentin, the BBQ thief, and Player Uno.

Those three shows above are probably the best ones in my estimation, but that doesn't mean they're the only ones. In fact, if you stick around in Voorhees after WSU, you can catch Combat Zone Wrestling. Or if you're in New York, EVOLVE's running a doubleshot. Of if you can't get enough of the New Japan guys, Border City Wrestling will have them tonight. The options are nearly limitless. It's up to you to get out there and attend them. Besides, your favorite wrestler or promotion might be out there. You just don't know it yet.

The Polling Place: Drafting, Younger, Midcard Titles

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Would Bryan be your first pick?
Photo Credit: WWE.com
This week's Polling Place is open, and the opening question is topical. The NFL Draft kicked off last night, and it will continue over the next two days. WWE toyed with the idea of a brand split with a draft, which had mixed results, but the best possible scenario for having anything resembling what the NFL has would be if every company on Earth disbanded and new companies rose up to draft from the remaining talent. Sure, it's implausible, but hey, the best questions come from far-fetched scenarios, right? If every wrestler was a free agent, whom would you spend the first overall pick on? Would it be a proven commodity like John Cena or Hiroshi Tanahashi? A current guy like Daniel Bryan or Kazuchika Okada? Would it be on a future star like Bray Wyatt, Cesaro, or a member of The Shield? Or would it be someone completely different?


Next up, Drake Younger finally got to WWE, and he's confirmed that he will be a referee. Younger has been one of the most touted and popular talents on the indies in the last two years, so him going to WWE just to be a ref seems puzzling. Sure, he may have his reasons, including safety and getting to be in the biz and drawing a paycheck without doing even a fraction of the stuff that he was doing that hurt himself over the years. Are you disappointed that he's a ref and not a wrestler?


Finally, WWE has turned over both midcard Championships in the last week to wrestlers who have faced off against each other in the recent past. Bad News Barrett and Sheamus have history and are both guys WWE seems to want to get behind. The question is not whether you think WWE will unify the titles, however. Should those belts be unified? Answer below, and if you're feeling frisky, leave a comment as to WHY you think the company should or shouldn't bring the US and IC titles together.

A Rematch Almost a Year in the Making

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Graphics Credit via @chikarapro

June 2, 2013. Icarus had Eddie Kingston locked in the Chikara Special with no chance for escape, the Grand Championship within his sights. Before Kingston tapped out, a mass of humanity, under the direction of Wink Vavasseur, flooded out of the back of the Trocadero, chased both competitors, referee Bryce Remsburg, and subsequently every fan away from the arena floor. Chikara had been forcibly closed down by Condor Security.

Fitting that the main event of the first Chikara show back mirrors the one from the final show before hiatus. Hopefully, the ending won't be the same, but even though I doubt this match will end with Icarus triumphant and holding the greatest prize in the company (non-Trios division), I don't think the company will close down again. But a widescale brawl to end things, only with the Chikaraverse fighting back against The Flood this time (instead of the Condors) might be the ticket.

I've developed a theory that Kingston could be one of the main actors behind The Flood, or at least a co-conspirator if not one of the heads. Think about the almost obsessive grip he's retained on the Grand Championship, turning into avaricious possessiveness. What better way could he keep the title than by closing the company? Why wouldn't the Titor Conglomerate sell off the Grand Championship if it was going to sell off Los Campeonatos de Parejas, held by mere foot soldiers in its plans in Jigsaw and The Shard? Or maybe I've just read too much I N F O G R A P S lately. Either way, the main event of You Only Live Twice ought to be interesting to say the least.

Best Coast Bias: Contendership³

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Respect his authHhoritah
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Whoever is responsible for the water at RAW, Smackdown, and the Artists Formerly Known As Pay-Per-Views should be fired tout suite. It's clearly dangerous and unsafe, and the sooner it's destroyed the better for humanity. Once this is done, the most grateful member of the roster will undoubtedly be Triple H; when the lights are on brightest he's a power-hungry suit who can't quite accept that his time has come and gone but in NXT he is a man who listens to the people and gives them what they want without fuss or fervor.

So if you're wondering who the new #1 contender is to the NXT Championship is...well, so is everybody else, so we're all on the same level here.  As any longtime fan of the pro graps will tell you, while battle royales are usually a fine way to determine a new challenger to the throne, occasionally there can be a wrench in the machine when it comes to the end.  In this case NXT made history, and there isn't a single dispute on offer here but a triangle of one; thus next week's main event will be contested between Tyler Breeze, Tyson Kidd and Sami Zayn with the winner getting Adrian Neville at NXT Takeover come month's end.  Somehow Oliver Grey and Mason Ryan both failed to win this, and besides that actually not much of note happened besides the crowd riding hard for Yoshi Tatsu and being pissed to the nth when Bo Dallas bounced him in a round of tosses that included the aforementioned Ryan and Big Cass amongst them.

No sooner had he clinched a spot in the final four when Tyson tossed him to the crowd's adulation, thus causing the end game where both Zayn and Kidd were barely hanging on by skinning the cat.  When Breeze lined Kidd over the top his momentum went with him in that direction as well (a similar thing happened earlier when Xavier Woods had taken himself and Camacho out, so this was a nice subtle callback to something that'd just happened) and Sami failed to hang on.  Every man called himself the winner, everybody shoved everybody else, and as this happened the crowd was already where the narrative wanted to go, loudly chanting for the triple threat before Triple H got there as well as once he did and another round when he prompted them to.  The best thing about these men being in it is when it comes to the Takeover match the NXT fan can't lose no matter who wins.

Breeze has been on a winning streak that's bolstered a tougher edge to the pretty boy and provides a usual face/heel matchup, but between two guys at cruiserweight size who can fly around the ring as well as mix it up with holds.  You get the same thing with the suddenly resurgent Kidd, and of course anybody who finds their way to TWB/NXT doesn't need an overview of the C.V. that Sami brings to the table.  When Triple H said the Full Sailians knew what was best for business he wasn't Tyson Kidding.  (Apologies.)

Also concluding at the next big NXT event is the Women's Championship tournament, so you can now welcome to the semifinals rookie Charlotte and the debuting Alexa Bliss.  If you'd like to know what Alexa Bliss' hook is, imagine the girl from Frozen and Tinkerbell had a child.  This isn't a slight in the least: Aiden English is just a wrestling Valjean, as Breeze is a wrestling Zoolander and Bayley's a wrestling anime fangirl.  Everybody's gotta have their something.  Fortunately for Bliss she was in-ring with the measuring stick of the division as a whole, Alicia Fox.  If you can't have a good match with Foxy, simply put you can't have a good match. William Regal would attest that to be true.  Here Bliss did a fine job of getting beaten down and suffering through the swankest tilt-a-whirl backbreaker this side of Alberto Del Rio and the Best Northern Lights Suplex in the Business before the 61 inch newcomer pulled off a tilt-a-whirl into a modified small package FTW.  She's going to have a tougher time in the next round against the ostensible leader of the BFFs.

Charlotte beating Emma wasn't exactly a surprise, and it still leaves the superawesome prospect of BFF on BFF violence on tap for the finals.  (It probably won't happen, but a person can dream.)  Most importantly, Charlotte beat the Australian clean in the middle of the ring with her old modified rollup Web, thus marking consecutive wins over Emma and Paige in two different ways clean in the middle of the ring.  You'd think they were building her up for a title or something!  And truth be told, Emma deserved to lose for whipping out the She Cobra.  There's a time and place for that sort of thing, and it's [redacted] [redacted] [super redacted].  (Ed. note: the lizard brain has been fired.)

Lastly, NXT's tag division got another influx of new blood as Kalisto made his debut alongside El Local to take on the Legionnaires.  If you guessed the latter has Sylvester Leforet and is Outrageously French, gold star for you!  For the first time ever the NXT fans let down their fans, as they failed to chant TOO SOON! at a match between France and Mexico during the week of Cinco de Mayo.  The Artist Formerly Known As Tensai knew about it, you guys.  Just saying.  Local took the heat, as you might expect, and Leforet's rookie partner Marcus Lois (pronounced Louie because, you know, France) slowly took his first steps as a NXT employee.  Really, this was all just the window dressing to watch Kalisto kick out the jams, and kick them out he did, culminating in a sweet sweet sweetback bad-ass luchador's song of a handspring enzuigiri on Sly to get the duke for the masked men.  The crowd is already fired up to chant lucha when Kalisto's doing fun stuff like springboard corkscrews and Sliced Bread the Thirds; now we just need them to count to ten in Spanish when the punching in the corner is happening and a better grasp of world history and the true meaning of holidays.

NXT Takeover isn't one (so far) but considering the slow slimmer for the singles titles and sudden possible viable options to go in against the Ascension, it looks to be a reason for celebration nevertheless.

From the Archives: Hallowicked vs. Mike Bennett

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The Chikara roster and office doing their #CHIKPicks has been one of the best developments of the last month. Basically, various people associated with the company have submitted their favorite matches in company history and posted the full videos from them to the company YouTube page. A lot of gems have been posted, including the Claudio Castagnoli/Sara del Rey classic from 2011. I delve into the Estonian Thunder Frog's selections once again this week, as he thought the Hallowicked/Mike Bennett contest from this year's National Pro Wrestling Day was worthy of one of his picks. I thought it was the best match from that show, and also one that people at home may not have been able to see thanks to streaming issues. Check it out in its entirety below!


Are You Sure They Know It's Staged?: WSU Secret Show #4 Review

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The calm before the storm
Photo Credit: TH
In the TH style. Subscribe to StreamWSU.com to get this show when it's released.

Highlights:
  • In a Beyond Wrestling showcase match, Joey Ryan reversed a wheelbarrow hold into a casadora victory roll after Candice LeRae crotched Dan Barry on the top rope to secure the victory for their team.
  • Jenny Rose defeated Brittany Blade quite easily with a pedigree.
  • Sassy Stephie took out a debuting Angie Skye with the Kiss My Sass.
  • In an especially chippy match, Kimber Lee got the duke over Shanna with a piledriver.
  • Athena and Jewells Malone lobbed bombs at each other in perhaps the stiffest match I've ever seen live, ending with the most brutally impressive looking O-Face ever for the Athena victory.
  • Paloma Starr made the mistake of telling Mickie Knuckles she wasn't afraid; Knuckles replied with a brutal beating - including an implied swirlie - that ended with a Glimmering Warlock and a pinfall.
  • Neveah beat the debuting Angelus Layne with a backpack stunner into a bridging pin.
  • In the main event, LuFisto overcame Chris Dickinson's atomic bomb offense and defeated him soundly with the Burning Hammer.

General Observations:
  • Joey Ryan entered the room sucking on a blow-pop. He offered it up to a fan, who put it in his mouth. I wouldn't have done that with anyone but my wife or child, but hey, more power to ya.
  • Before the match, all four competitors were looking for tag ropes in their respective corners. I joked to myself that DJ Hyde had to sell them off to pay for the drywall repair from when Alpha Female threw Jenny Rose through the wall. The other fans remarked that because it was a "secret show," the tag ropes were also secret.
  • Spot of the night: Dan Barry put Ryan into the corner like he was going to chop him. Instead, he went right into "bad cop" routine and shouted "WHERE IS MY SON?" at him repeatedly. Bill Carr tagged in and continued the interrogation... with a double titty-twister.
  • The best development of the year so far is Candice LeRae getting dates in WSU and on the East Coast. She was a great HOUSE ON FIRE after the hot tag, and if her Ballsplex on Carr, had it happened in front of a main show crowd of 300 and not a secret show crowd of 30, would have blown the goddamn roof off the building.
  • Brittany Blade had a lot of spunk and fire, but she still seemed tentative and out of position. While her match was somewhat uncomfortable to watch, Jenny Rose took good care of her in the ring, and she was at least on the secret show instead of on the main one the next night. If you're going to give a greenhorn some reps, it's best to do it on the less conspicuous stages first.
  • Angie Skye got the award for "most unique ring attire" of the night with fuzzy boots (which Barry asked her during intermission if she murdered a Muppet to get the material for) and a half-skirt attached to her singlet. Sassy Stephie accused her of hiding a weapon in said skirt.
  • Stephie may have spent more time yipping with the crowd than actually wrestling, which was impressive since she had control of most of the match.
  • The opening sequence of the match was an inventive series of moves built around the Greco-Roman knuckle lock. I figured Stephie would know her way around the mat, but Skye impressed me with her dexterity and counterwrestling as well.
  • I was glad to see Shanna cut out her "accept dollar bills from gross fans" routine without losing her "too hot for the room" character. Playing such an overtly sexualized character, especially as a woman in wrestling, is such a fine line to tread.
  • Kimber Lee tried to pose after her entrance, but Shanna quickly ducked in front of her with her trademark arms outstretched on the knees pose. That exchange led to them trading verbal barbs with each other. The match actually got really chippy, almost like they really had beef with each other in real life.
  • I was prepared to give this match the best of the night honors, but then they had to go and trade no-selling each other's head-dropping suplexes... TWICE APIECE. I'm sorry, but the old Perry Saturn tweet applies here. I am all for situational no-selling, but c'mon man.
  • After intermission, DJ Hyde and Denver Colorado (the man, not the place!) unveiled the new WSU Championship belt, which made its proper debut the next night.
  • Athena and Jewells Malone got right out of the gate with a furious pin flurry. Athena had the better of the exchange getting in a slick sliding schoolboy rollup. I hope she works that into her matches on a regular basis.
  • The two engaged in a good, ol'-fashioned criss-cross until Athena stutter-stepped a bit so she could knock Malone into next week with a POUNCE. She timed the move perfectly, sending a legit shockwave down my spine.
  • If the prior match could have been described as "chippy," Athena and Malone were engaging in what I could only describe as "grown man shit" with how stiff they were. Like, I thought to myself no fewer than five times during that match "do these wrestlers know this is supposed to be a staged event and not a shoot fight?" The preceding sentence, oddly enough, is not a complaint.
  • Mickie Knuckles came out for her match with the debuting Paloma Starr with the infamous cardboard cutout of Hyde, hugging it, whispering to it, and gently placing it on the apron. After the match, she skipped to the back with it. Seriously, I don't know if Knuckles was this much of a character dynamo in her early, IWA Mid-South days, but she has been knocking that shit out of the park this year in her WSU appearances.
  • In the feeling-out process of the match, Starr made the mistake of telling Knuckles that she wasn't afraid of her. That declaration went over as well as Marshall Henderson as grand marshal of the Gay Pride parade. Knuckles used every bit of plunder available to wail on Starr, including taking her into the bathroom. She shut the door, a ruckus was heard, and when they exited, Starr's hair was messed up and wet. Ladies and gentlemen, the first ever IMPLIED SWIRLIE in professional wrestling history occurred on Friday night (all other swirlies have been pretty explicitly stated).
  • After smashing an Arizona Iced Tea can over Starr's head, Knuckles, with all the crazed energy of a thousand David Koreshes, turned to the crowd and yelled "ARE YOU NOT FUCKING ENTERTAINED?" Seriously, how have I lived my life as a wrestling fan with minimal Knuckles in my life before this year?
  • After the match, a beaten but not broken Starr repeated her lack of fear towards Knuckles, which led me to believe that the newbie from Texas had a lot more guts than brains. Then again, how many people in wrestling really are smart?
  • I was surprised at how technical the Angelus Layne/Neveah match was given how both wrestlers had punk rock motifs going. Again, not a complaint, just an observation.
  • The finish of the match, a Neveah backpack stunner into an impressive bridging pin, might have been the most visually impressive one of the night.
  • LuFisto entered... WITH PEGABOO?!?! PEGABOO LIVES!!!
  • Maybe it was the change of scenery, the fact that it wasn't followed up by acting as a strip club attendant for Shanna, or because LuFisto's legend and aura cast more of an ominous presence than LeRae's did last show, but I didn't find Chris Dickinson's faux-pickup artist shtick to be as uncomfortable this time around. In fact, his sleaze was pretty hilarious given how hard Lufi hit him in response.
  • LuFisto's facial expressions during the match were A+, probably second only to Lee's in her match. A good face while taking it can sell a move better than holding any limb or feigning an injury after it's delivered.
  • Dickinson countered a leg scissor mat head pound by lifting LuFisto up into the electric chair and following up with a German suplex. The visual registered about a 0.98 on the Cesaro HOSS Scale.
  • After the match, Dickinson uncharacteristically broke character, thanked LuFisto for the opportunity for the match, and put her over huge as the best women's wrestler in the world. I wouldn't have used the word "women's," because I'd be hard pressed to think of 25 people in the world better than she is, no matter what gender configuration.

Match of the Night:Joey Ryan and Candice LeRae vs. Dan Barry and Bill Carr - The only tag team match of the night opened the show, and two better teams could not have been booked across from each other. Team Tremendous and the Candice and Joey Show are two of the most charismatic and physically gifted tandems in wrestling today, all four bringing something different to the table. Bill Carr imposed his size and HOSSdom on the match. Dan Barry worked well as El Hijo Gringo del Rey Mysterio. Joey Ryan's veteran savvy showed in spades while he was working face in peril, and seeing Candice LeRae, the smallest competitor in the match by far, bring babyface fire hotter than the Sun, especially after the hot tag, was an amazing sight to behold. All four took to the ring seemingly looking to set a strong pace, but also not to take themselves too seriously by any stretch of the imagination. Basically, that formula produced four wrestlers who looked like they were having a great time in the ring all while wrestling the best match they possibly could. In my view, that combination provides the best theater.

The match was rare in that the heat segment, where Ryan took a beating from Team Tremendous, was the standout portion of the match. Thanks to a mix of humor and dazzling highspots from Barry, Ryan getting beaten down didn't feel like a slog or something to endure. Their use of misdirection when they put Ryan in the corner was a huge reason why it stood out. Barry eschewing chops or punches for screaming in Ryan's face "WHERE IS MY SON?" elicited a literal, guttural laugh, and I am always a go for a good double titty-twister. Bonus points for said nipple torture are awarded when the guy delivering the cheap tactic is twice as big as the victim. Something about unnecessary underhandedness pops me.

LeRae capped the match off with her stunning house-on-fire work after tagging in. She commanded the ring better than most people placed in that role in a random tag match, and if the Ballsplex she delivered to Carr - a massive feat both by the giver and taker - was given in front of a crowd at Fete Music, American Legion #308, or the Flyers Skate Zone, the crowd reaction would have blown a hole in the roof. The finish was well-placed and executed as well. Carr did a lot of the little things in this match to make sure both Ryan and LeRae had effective looking offense, and getting around for that casadora victory roll was huge in putting an exclamation point on the match.

Overall Thoughts: The last Secret Show I went to was good. However, not only did this show have a more complete slate of quality matches, it actually possessed more of a unique spirit without some of the base tropes the last show displayed. Shanna toned down her entrance while still retaining what is an excellent crowd-baiting persona for women's only wrestling promotion. Chris Dickinson's sleazy oversexed overtures felt like they fit in place better against LuFisto (mainly because few wrestlers of any gender configuration are as tough as she is). Existing characters felt more fleshed out, and new wrestlers came right in and made big splashes.

But the overall theme of the night seemed to be stiffness. Starting especially with Kimber Lee/Shanna, the strikes seemed to hit a little too close to home, made a lot of sound without needing a leg slap or a stomp to the mat, and the head drops appeared to walk the razor's edge. Granted, I prefer my wrestling action to look as crisp and "real" as possible, but at the same time, is it fun if the competitors really do hit each other? Then again, would someone like Jewells Malone have a name reputation in America right now if she wasn't crazy enough to take Athena's best offense close to the vest? Would LuFisto have been the "favorite" in her match against Dickinson if she didn't go so hard in her career that she suffered a stroke at one point? Many wrestlers take their craft seriously, and unfortunately for women, that seriousness entails a lot more brutality than the men just to get a fraction of acclaim.

But to marginalize this show as being nothing but stiff shots would be to do a disservice to all the performers, especially ones like LuFisto and Mickie Knuckles who were chatty and engaging the whole night through for different reasons, of course. Having the show in the intimate confines of the CZW Wrestling Academy with a small crowd heightened the experience. Every wrestler who had chants or comments directed to them by the crowd interplayed. While shows in larger venues with more populous crowds have certain advantages, one can't beat the level of interaction between performer and customer that is provided with such an enclosed venue.

Overall, after a second secret show experience, I'd say these smaller cards are just as vital to the WSU experience as the main shows are. If you're not able to make these shows when they happen (and they happen before the night before every main show nowadays), then you should definitely drop a couple bucks a month on a Stream WSU subscription just to keep up. These shows are far from supplemental or apocryphal. If you miss them, especially #4, you're missing out on a huge chunk of what gives WSU its identity.

Guest Review: Live from the CHIKarpet

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Ants DO don the formal wear from time to time
Photo Credit: Ryan Simmons
Babs Myers-Peterson is a Chikara superfan and an accomplished indie wrestling writer, and she currently hosts the Chikara in 15 Minutes podcast. She was at the red carpet for the premiere of the Ashes of Chikara movie, and she had a guest report to file for TWB:

Red carpets, paparazzi, and plenty of well-dressed celebrities are typically only found in the shadow of the “Hollywood” sign, but on May 5, Chikara brought the glamour of Hollywood to Collegeville, PA for the red carpet premiere of The Ashes of Chikara at the posh Movie Tavern. The premiere was an once-in-a-lifetime affair, featuring the first and only big screen showing of the movie. Red carpet entrances set the tone for evening and the question and answer session afterwards closed the event in an enlightening way.

Quack came out of reclusion for the premiere
Photo Credit: Ryan Simmons
The Ashes of Chikara grabs you and takes you on a journey, starting from the opening credits. It is truly professional wrestling’s most ambitious story, and not just because it uses a previously untapped medium to tell the tale of what happened to Chikara’s finest after the events of Aniversario: Never Compromise and the closing of the company in June 2013, but because of the story itself. As the family was split apart, an unlikely hero rose to reunite them and rekindle the spirit of Chikara in the form of the Winged Ring Warrior, Icarus. However, Icarus wasn’t the only one seeking something lost. Connected by that theme, other stories are interwoven into the narrative of Ashes For example, in their search for the missing-in-action Soldier Ant, Green Ant and Fire Ant bond with assailANT, unifying and strengthening The Colony. 3.0, Scott Parker and Shane Matthews, go on a road trip to hunt down the elusive Archibald Peck, eventually finding him and changing the course of history in the nick of time.

Before the screening, the stars arrived in classy black town cars to walk to the carpet in style, as excited fans and eager photographers crowded around, hoping to get a glimpse or picture of them. Everyone was dressed elegantly, looking suave and sophisticated in their suits and ties. Appearances were made by the movies creators, like the Producer and Director of Photography, and cast members, including Icarus, The Colony, UltraMantis Black, Kobald, and Mike Quackenbush.

Kobald sporting some of Bled Island's finest
Photo Credit: Ryan Simmons
Once the stars stepped on the red carpet, they were interviewed live about the film before the crowd of fans that attended the premiere and those at home watching via the CHIKArmed Forces Network. Questions included the stars’ thoughts on being involved in such a unique project as The Ashes of Chikara, what scenes they were most looking forward to seeing, and which is harder: acting or wrestling? (The general consensus being that wrestling is harder.) Each individual had their own unique insights to share. A replay of all the interviews can be seen online for free here. After being interviewed, the stars continued down the carpet to be photographed by the paparazzi and fans before entering the theater and finding their seats.

Following the screening, a group of the people responsible for ushering the film into reality answered questions about the challenges of making a movie under unusual circumstances. Reportedly created on a budget of “a ham sandwich,” and sometimes filmed right under the noses of fans at live wrestling events, The Ashes of Chikara embodies many DIY aspects of guerrilla and independent film-making.

The red carpet premiere of “The Ashes of CHIKARA” successfully brought a bit of Hollywood to Collegeville, PA, but you can now watch the film anywhere, from your couch to your commute. It was released worldwide on Friday, May 9. It is available to download here. For additional information on Ashes please visit here, and for more on Chikara, please visit their site.

The Wrestling Blog's OFFICIAL Best in the World Rankings, May 12

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'Sup, girl
Welcome to a feature I like to call "Best in the World" rankings. They're not traditional power rankings per se, but they're rankings to see who is really the best in the world, a term bandied about like it's bottled water or something else really common. They're rankings decided by me, and don't you dare call them arbitrary lest I smack the taste out of your mouth. Without further ado, here's this week's list:

1. Tyrion Lannister (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Sports Twitter maven Grimey wrote last night that "Tyrion Lannister [became] the first ever person to drop the mic while in chains." I would say that phrasing was putting it mildly. If words were dark magic used to come out of a priestess's vagina and stab one's brother through the heart, then the littlest Lannister would've killed everyone in King's Landing (save Jaime, Bronn, and possibly both King Tommen and Oberyn Martell) with that closing segue. If Peter Dinklage doesn't win a goddamn Emmy based on that soliloquy alone, then, well, you know.

2. Paige (Last Week: 1) - She wasn't on the main shows this past week, but I took it as a well-deserved rest for a month well-defended. Next month, however, she'll be wrestling against a sloth bear. And no, that title is not a euphemism for a homely wrestler (I would never). She's really going to wrestle a sloth bear. I HAVE SKOOPZ.

3. Michael Sam (Last Week: Not Ranked) - His kiss after being drafted on Saturday made 100,000 homophobes lose their collective shit and flip out like someone dropped a bomb on Washington, DC. Fuck the haters. You go get paid and get on that NFL field, son.

4. Daniel Bryan (Last Week: 2) - Seriously, if a demonic monster stalking you and your bride is laying on the ground behind your running car, THROW THAT SHIT IN REVERSE AND RUN HIM THE FUCK OVER LIKE HE'S DEAN KOONTZ AND YOU'RE BRIAN GRIFFIN.

5. Mickie Knuckles (Last Week: Not Ranked) - IMPLIED SWIRLIE! I DON'T NEED TO SAY ANYTHING ELSE. I MEAN TYPE ANYTHING ELSE. WRITE? WHY AM I DOING THIS IN CAPS LOCK? I DON'T KNOW. I DON'T CARE. IMPLID SWIRLIE!

6. LuFisto (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Sure, she won the vacant WSU World Championship, but her real feat? Resurrection! Sure, Pegaboo is a small and simple organism, but everyone starts somewhere.

7. Brunch (Last Week: Not Ranked)OFFICIAL HOLZERMAN HUNGERS SPONSORED ENTRY - Brunch is the only meal of the day where it's acceptable to be the only meal you eat all day. Mother's Day brunch is extra special because you get to eat like a pig while pretending it's all for the women in your life.

8. Damien 666 (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Not only did he win the 24/7 Championship, but he saved a damsel in distress too! Although the video evidence raises more questions than it answers. For example, why was Christina von Eerie holding that woman hostage anyway? And why did she shriek when Damien destroyed her captor? And why did Damien decide it appropriate to dress up like a member of the goddamn Public Enemy? I NEED TO KNOW THESE ANSWERS.

9. Mark Henry (Last Week: 8) - In relation to that last SKOOPZ I had, the program with the sloth bear against Paige has been scrapped since Mark Henry killed said bear and now wears it as a scarf.

10. Sara del Rey (Last Week: 10) - SARA DEL REY FACT: She was originally supposed to come out of the urn during the finale of Once Upon a Time last night instead of Elsa the Snow Queen, but the showrunners thought she'd be way too unrealistic and scary a villain for that timeslot.

Instant Feedback: The Lamentations of Bryan Danielson

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The end of the line? Whatever it is, I hope he puts his health first
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Daniel Bryan won the WWE World Heavyweight Championship at WrestleMania, getting the most indulgent VIP treatment in the event's history. Professionally, the moment was the zenith of a career that, let's face it, was goddamn sterling before he got to the moment of tapping Dave Batista and finally attaining the top of the mountain without some deus ex machina cutting him down before he was ready to rule the roost. Since then, life for Bryan Danielson, the man behind the persona, has gotten increasingly rotten.

He came home from his honeymoon to find that his father had passed (I can empathize, since my grandmother-in-law died the day after my wedding and the Mrs. and I didn't find out until after we got back from Punta Cana). His biggest fan, the lad who touched the collective heart of the wrestling world and was the first to greet him after his professional pinnacle, died shortly after. Tonight, he announced what seemed to be the final insult on top of the injuries he'd suffered in the last month or so. Ironically enough, it was a legitimate malady, a bum neck, that topped off his terrible, horrible, no good, rotten six weeks.

The silver lining in all of this gray nimbus hanging over WWE right now is that if Bryan were leaving for an extended period of time, that the company wouldn't have angled his departure so heavily. The scuttlebutt is that he could be back by Payback. Neck injuries, however, can be delicate. John Cena hurt his neck, but since he's Wolverine, he was back in time to win the Royal Rumble. Sabu broke his neck, but since he was basically an indie wrestler working for a guy whose history of clearing checks was suspect to put it most kindly, he basically had no choice but to come back and risk dying in front of crowds of mutants. Maybe his recovery pattern sheds some light on the way he is today. Edge had to retire thanks to spinal stenosis. BJ Whitmer probably should retire, but who the fuck knows what's wrong in his head that he keeps on wrestling.

The most famous example is perhaps the wrestler whose template Bryan has followed so closely to get to where he's at today. "Stone Cold" Steve Austin broke his neck at SummerSlam 1997. He never recovered fully, but he kept working through for the next two years during his meteoric rise to the top. That injury cost him a prime year of his career, and ultimately, it led him to early retirement.

What is the point in recounting all these injuries? Maybe I'm just working through my own fears for my favorite wrestler and am trying to show the work that the human body is the least predictable thing in the world. Everyone heals differently, and Bryan, who has yet to have a major loss of time as a WWE superstar, seems to have some combination of luck and conditioning to have kept him healthy for this long.

But then again, maybe going out for an extended period of time might not be the worst thing. WWE may not have stars apparent on Bryan's level, but then again, Bryan was still trying to get to Cena's level of consistency. Did y'all see RAW tonight? The Shield was all over it, from beginning to end, saving segments from heatless doom brought on by Evolution or providing ultimate levels of swag during matches. Antonio Cesaro wasn't on the show tonight, but you gotta believe he's on the shortlist of guys who could end up pulling his weight (or more, have you seen how strong he is?). Sami Zayn is waiting in the wings to be brought up.

And when Bryan comes back, he'll be as hot as ever. I won't complain if he sticks around and works through what could be a minor surgery, but his health should come first. If he has to go, he has to go. It just sucks that his professional life and personal life have had differing sorts of luck. Whatever happens though, I just hope he makes the right decision by his own neck.

Like a Fox

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Photo Credit: WWE.com

The way Twitter reacted to Alicia Fox's standout performance on RAW last night made it seem like she just materialized out of the aether and started wrestling. The signs were there. Even as far back as 2009, when she made the crack at Joey Styles at the Slammy Awards, she showed her capacity for sass and the way she's been balling in NXT and the C-show circuit foreshadowed how baller she'd be in the ring. Then again, maybe for once, the collective online community was just appreciating a great performance when it was presented. And stealing JBL's hat? Well, I don't think she went far enough to tell you the truth. I would have loved to have seen her play Solange Knowles to JBL's Jay-Z, but I guess I can't have it all. Stealing his hat was damn good enough.
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