Will one of these guys win? One's likelier than the other... Photo Credit: WWE.com

Thanks to Daniel Bryan's neck going all pear-shaped, the two belts that comprise the WWE World Heavyweight Championship will hang high from the rafters as a prize for the wrestler who can climb the ladder and grab them for the second time in the last eight months. As was the case in December, John Cena and Randy Orton will be vying for them. Unlike TLC, six other wrestlers will join them in the first-ever Money in the Bank ladder match that has something other than a briefcase with a guaranteed title shot as the prize. Five are former Champions. Three would be looking to capture their first ever bit of top hardware in the company, and in the case of Bray Wyatt, he's looking for his first piece of WWE gold altogether. Even though everyone seems to know who's going to win, uncertainty still wafts in the air, like the hope springing eternal in every spring training facility in Florida and Arizona come February. All eight choices could conceivably walk out of Boston with the titles. Or hey, maybe none of them will and the winner of the briefcase match will. Still, not everyone has an equal chance of winning, which is why I'm makin' the odds, baybay.

Someone not announced1000-1 - Like with a potential replacement for Bad News Barrett, the options of adding or subtracting wrestlers from the main event ladder match are numerous. WWE has never grown out of the Vince Russo-shock booking-for-shock booking's-sake mindset completely, and someone like Daniel Bryan or Brock Lesnar could swoop in and nab the titles. Hell, maybe Dean Ambrose could fulfill his wanton lust of winning a match he wasn't scheduled to enter, climb up the ladder, and take the belts while everyone's laying dead on the floor. While the option of an unannounced entrant could happen, I tend to think what you see is what you're going to get with this match.

Alberto del Rio200-1 - del Rio will never be given the ball again. I am confident in typing that statement because I hear the lack of reaction he gets and I see WWE growing ever more reluctant to putting him in any kind of program that gets TV time. I hear more and more whispers of him saying "¡Coger a esta!" to WWE life and heading back to Mexico when his contract is up. del Rio is a sturdy hand and an expressive character whose upward mobility was destroyed by the John Cena Kayfabe Explosion, and he hasn't recovered since. He is in this match for the same reason why Christian gets inserted into random big ticket multiman matches. He's in there to make sure the match is good.

Randy Orton45-1 - WWE putting the Championship back on Orton just months after he lost the title in grand fashion at WrestleMania feels too recursive even for its standard modus operandi. The threat remains, of course, since he's in the match, is still part of The Authority's stable, and is putting in the best work of his career. However, I feel if he wins, he's telegraphing an instant cash-in to symmetrically hearken back to how he won the title in the first place.

Bray Wyatt40-1 - I'm torn on whether Wyatt will ever win the WWE World Heavyweight Championship, to be honest. On one hand, he's got an early-career Undertaker vibe where he doesn't need titles or baubles in order to prove his worth as a strong character, artistically or financially. On the other, I feel that WWE has moved past the idea of special attraction draws not needing titles to be legitimized, and it's only a matter of time that Wyatt wins something. However, WWE can't keep Lesnar away from the Championship forever. Putting the title on Wyatt as a sacrificial pawn for the Beast Incarnate seems to be against WWE's way of thinking. Putting the title on Wyatt for one month so Cena can defeat him at Battleground seems short-sighted even for this company not known for its foresight. When Wyatt gets his run with the strap, he is going to hold it for a good long time. He won't win it for a summer jaunt. He can't win it for a summer jaunt, and for all the shitty decisions WWE seems to make regarding up and coming talent, I don't think it has the capacity to make this shitty a mistake with a future cornerstone of the company.

Sheamus25-1 - Sheamus is in a rough spot because he's clearly part of WWE's main event future going forward. A match between him and Lesnar could end up being the best option going forward in terms of match quality, and even a loss against Lesnar could be the thing that puts him over the edge in terms of his long-term status within the company. I can rationalize situations in my head that WWE would let Sheamus carry around three belts and walk through the rest of the summer as Champion, but each of those scenarios requires me to ignore that of the competitors in the match, Sheamus has been built up the least save del Rio.

The Demon Kane™12-1 - Kane is the best choice to win the title if Bryan is ready to come back for Battleground and take it off him. Even if Bryan's not ready to come back, however, Kane remains a threat to win because as Rollins and Orton are Triple H's boys, Kane is the minion of Stephanie McMahon. Any henchman of an Authority member seems like a threat to win any kind of match for proxy's sake. Do I think he would be a better titleholder than people ranked below him on odds? In every case, I would say no, he's probably the weakest option to win. But the way he's positioned right now, I can see him taking a shock win and either dropping the belt to Bryan en route to the David and Goliath showdown that WWE has been rumored to want happen since Bryan won at Mania, or dropping the title to Lesnar at SummerSlam in a further-muddling of the face-heel continuum.

Antonio Cesaro10-1 - Cesaro presents the most interesting case out of everyone. He left WrestleMania as a burgeoning HOSS fan favorite for feats of strength not able to be produced by most mere mortal men. Then WWE had the brilliant idea to stick him with a Paul Heyman who spent the first six weeks of their partnership putting over Lesnar ending The Streak. I was baffled by the decision to effectively submarine a cult hero in the name of giving Heyman a reason to stick around between Lesnar appearances, but somewhere along the way, the fortune that was taken from Bryan with his injury was thrust into the general direction of Cesaro. As mentioned before, Lesnar is on a collision course with whomever the Champion is at SummerSlam. Cesaro turning on Heyman over Lesnar and fighting valiantly in a loss, a la CM Punk last year at SummerSlam, may do more to bolster the folk hero status of Cesaro than placing him with the hardcore fan favorite Heyman ever did. Triple H is a Cesaro guy, and Heyman backstage seems to be the kind who would lobby his two charges to face off against each other, especially if the one less established can gain a main event foothold in the process.

Roman Reigns2-1 - Even if Roman Reigns isn't the most likely person to win the match on Sunday, he's the best option. Unlike Wyatt, he's a young gun who would benefit greatly from being a two-month transitional Champion. He's the most established name out of anyone in this match not named Orton, Cena, or Kane. The Shield ran with the big dogs, and Reigns has proven he can at least break out crowd-popping big spots at the right times. If anyone should get a test drive with the belts now, it's Reigns. I've heard the argument that his big moment should come at WrestleMania, but the thing is that it still can. Reigns can win the ladder match, murder Orton at Battleground, and then go onto face Lesnar at SummerSlam. Much like Cesaro, a HOSS FIGHT booked in a similar mannter to the Punk/Lesnar match last year could put Reigns over huge even in defeat. Him reigning (sorry for the pun) for two months would be, in theory, enough of a taste for fans to be rabid for him again come Rumble time. The plan is fool-proof.

But even if Reigns isn't the most likely to win, he's still the guy I can see with the belts most clearly besides, well, you know who. Again, The Shield has seemingly been groomed to make three singles main event players. The breakup has been executed to allow two of those former members - Dean Ambrose and Seth Rollins - to engage in a blood feud. The third is free to win the title. You go get yours, Roman Reigns, and when you do, you best make sure you bring those belts to the next tea party you have with your little princess.

John Cena1-10 - I am not privy to WWE's booking plans, no matter what stage they seem to be in. However, the general feeling I got from watching WWE programming, feeling out the direction of Daniel Bryan going from slaying all of Evolution to facing down Kane, and listening to the rumblings that may or may not have dictated what really was happening backstage was that SummerSlam's main event was supposed to be Bryan vs. Lesnar for the Championship. Bryan got hurt, and now, those plans have more than likely been scuttled. I mean, even if Bryan made it back for the biggest party of the summer, would putting him in the ring with a behemoth whose stiffness and recklessness might be seen by the institution as positives be the right idea? Of course not. So, if that truly was the case, then WWE would need a backup plan. No matter how bad things get for the company, it has an ace up its sleeve in John Cena.

Cena to me feels like a post-Championship wrestler anyway, a special attraction who transcends the top prize. But WWE might see Cena not as needing the title, but as the title needing him, especially when someone is going to have to lose it to Lesnar in a big money match at the second most hyped and important event of the year. Besides, Lesnar needs his win back from Extreme Rules '12, and what better way to build off ending The Streak than taking out The Franchise? Again, unlike Bryan yesterday (tongue in his cheek or not), I don't think Cena is the best option to win. However, he's the most likely. If I were a Vegas casino, I wouldn't even take bets on Cena winning, because I'd just end up paying out to EVERYONE.

I'm not in as a bad a mood as I thought I would be after the United States Men's National Team lost to Germany in the World Cup today. The loss set the national team to 1-1-1 in group play, tying it with Portugal, but thanks to goal differential, the US will advance. Still, that fact does not mask the Germans defeating the US. I would have rather not have backed into knockout play, so in response, I have found this video of noted German pro wrestler Alex Wright getting hit with hard straddle bumps on the top rope. If the US can't win the group, then at least American fans can revel in a German guy getting hit repeatedly in the nuts. Yes, I am five years old. Deal with it.


This week's inspiration comes via @SchmanthonyP, who is a hyperactive Tweeter from out yonder the Rocky Mountains and who also loves him some cinema.

Anarchy Championship Wrestling’s sixth annual American Joshi Queen of Queens Tournament will take place on Sunday, June 29th, at the Mohawk in Austin, TX. This is going to be a hard show to preview, as no actual matches have been announced. The only thing we know right now, are the eight participants involved in the Queen of Queens Tournament.

Firstly, my relationship with ACW began a little over a year ago, so this will only be my second Queen of Queens Tournament. I love the idea behind it, because too many promotions (especially prominent ones) treat their women, let’s just say, less than great. In all honesty, they are belittled and treated unfairly. A lot of times, they aren’t treated as real people. That’s not only not a smart business move when over a third of your audience is female, but it’s just not how one should just, you know, treat another human being.

Right now, Inspire Pro is doing a great job of treating the women as equals to the men (as they should be), having Barbi Hayden and Portia Perez headline their IN THEIR BLOOD show. Before Inspire Pro came onto the scene, ACW was always seen as the most progressive promotion in regards to how they treated their women.

Now, I don’t know their history beyond when I began going to shows (I have not, watched a single second of footage of anything that I haven’t seen live and in person), but they’ve been going through some changes lately. The biggest disappointment was an Evening Gown Match between Television Champion Barbi Hayden and Athena at NOTHING IS AS REAL AS A DREAM in May.

My wife, who would love to become a wrestler one day, was flabbergasted by the decision to promote this match. Think about it, you have your TV Champ, who is also the NWA Women’s Champion in Barbi Hayden up against one of the best wrestlers (male or female) on the scene today in Athena and you put them in an Evening Gown Match? Even if they weren’t two of the best wrestlers on your show, what purpose does that type of match serve? They already wrestle in outfits that show everything that being in their underpants does. We watch men roll around in speedos all night long. So, seeing women in their undergarments isn’t anything special. Plus, it’s demeaning to the talents (even if they weren’t as good as they were). Just let them wrestle.

Which is where the Queen of Queens Tournament comes in. It’s none of the typical, sexist gimmick matches used to arouse the crowd. Guess what? The majority of wrestling fans, I don’t think, care too greatly about how good the wrestlers look in their undies. They want entertaining characters and matches. And ACW can provide that without too much effort.

Look at the line-up for the Queen of Queens Tournament:

SU YUNG
The reigning ACW American Joshi Champion. She lost in last year’s tournament (which was my first introduction to Yung, and I became an instant fan) to Barbi Hayden. This year, her title will be on the line throughout.

ANGEL BLUE
She was the winner of last year’s tournament, defeating Barbi Hayden in the finals to win the trophy plus the Television Title (which was put on the line by Athena throughout). She is also a former American Joshi Champion. A lot of people do not care for Angel Blue, but she's grown on me over the year I've been watching. She's a legit heat magnet, and one of few true heels on the indie scene.

ATHENA
Winner of the 2012 Tournament and a semifinalist in 2013, where she lost to Hayden. Former two-time American Joshi Champion. Legit one of the best wrestlers going today.

JESSICA JAMES
Former three-time American Joshi Champion and recent returnee from Japan. I wasn't so impressed with her for the longest time, but I believe her stints in Japan have really helped. What I've seen since she's been back has been really good.

JENNY ROSE
I actually have no idea who Jenny Rose is, but this is her Austin debut. (Ed. note: Trust me, Jenny Rose is legit and will add a lot to the tourney.)

ANGELUS LAYNE
She was in last year’s tournament, but lost to Leva Bates in the first round. She was supposed to have been at Inspire Pro’s first XX Division show IN THEIR BLOOD in May, but suffered an injury. Haven’t heard if that’s going to keep her from this show yet or not. Other than that, I really don’t know much about her. (Ed. note: The last I heard, she will be ready for the tourney.)

CANDICE LARAE
She is also making her Austin debut, and this will only be my second time seeing her. She competed (and lost) against Athena at SHIMMER 62 during WrestleMania XXX weekend in a very good match. Plus, she has this awesome shirt. Only other thing I really know about her is that she is was Co-Tag Team Champions with Joey Ryan in Dreamwave Wrestling for all of one day and has been a major players in PWG, even challenging for their top Championship.

LEVA BATES
She is making her return to ACW. Last year, she made it to the semifinals, losing to Angel Blue, and denying us the opportunity to see her as Padme Amidala from Star Wars Episode III (she was Episode I and Episode II versions of Amidala in her two matches). I also saw her at SHIMMER 62, as Gambit, where she picked up a win over Veda Scott. I enjoy Bates and her various costumes, so I’m curious to see what she comes up with for this tournament.

Realistically, any of these women could win, because they are all very talented. It really is a nice collection of female athletes to compete for the American Joshi Championship and Queen of Queens Tournament. If I could hazard a guess, I would assume the winner would be from the group of ACW regulars Su Yung, Angel Blue, Athena, or Jessica James.

I would be surprised if Su Yung managed to hold onto her title throughout, but she does have The Business backing her, as does last year’s winner, Angel Blue. Blue is really the lone heel in the group now, although it seemed she was kicked out of the group when Chris Trew frustratingly left her after a loss to Jessica James at ABSENCE OF LAW in February. Apparently that wasn’t anything major.

Athena hasn’t really had much to do since her return to ACW. She faced off against Davey Vega when she returned at GUILTY BY ASSOCIATION 8 in January, but Vega hasn’t been seen since he ran off with the ACW World Championship in February. It’s a shame she got injured last year, because it felt like she was ready to move onto bigger things in ACW (and wrestling in general), possibly even entering the Heavyweight Title scene. As it is, she’s returned, and been mostly dealing with women.

When I said earlier that ACW was seen as one of the more progressive promotions, that goes for the fact that they were not afraid to have intergender matches. The women have held every title in ACW as far as I know. And I have absolutely no problem with that. Just as I have no problem with keeping the divisions separate. But you need to be consistent, I think, and you have to treat everything equally.

If you really think about it, your top title, for example in ACW, would be the Anarchy Heavyweight Championship. On equal levels of those should be the Anarchy Tag Team Championship and the American Joshi Championship. Ostensibly, any of those belts could headline your show. You should be able to build convincing and entertaining stories around those belts that could, at any time, be the thread through which a show runs.

Realistically, ACW could probably stand to get rid of the Hardcore, as it’s rather redundant in a place called Anarchy Championship Wrestling, U-30, and Television Championships. I’ve always been a believer in less is more when it comes to titles. They tend to mean more when there are less of them, in theory. Especially when you don’t exactly have a huge roster, which ACW does not. Then again, any belt can be important, it just depends on how they are treated.

Jessica James could also win, because she is, afterall, a three-time Joshi Champion. She also spends a lot of time in Japan, so she’s legit. She hasn’t been as consistent a presence because of those excursions. But it would be interesting to see one of these other women be given the opportunity. I understand the thinking behind one of the regulars winning, because they were more likely than not to make it to most of the shows. Who’s to say LeRae or Bates or even Rose or Layne could make it back any time soon? The former two tend to have a lot of other companies they work for, and I’m sure the same is true for the latter. So, just being able to nail them down for dates could be difficult. That said, it’s not like their situations are impossible to work around. It just makes it harder to have feuds and stories people will care about.

As it is, ACW has announced the first round match-ups and they go down thusly:

FIRST ROUND
Candice LaRae vs. Su Yung
Leva Bates vs. Angel Blue
Athena vs. Jenny Rose
Jessica James vs. Angelus Layne

In an earlier draft, before the first round was announced, I predicted who I thought was going to win in each round, but now that they had made it official, it changes things up a bit. So, now I don't know what to think. I feel as though two matches are almost givens: Athena and Jessica James. I can't see how either of those two lose. Athena is taking on the debuting Jenny Rose and, well, she's Athena. She's not losing in the first round. Angelus Layne is coming off a few injuries, so I doubt she is 100%. Besides, James has the pedigree within ACW, so she gets the win.

The other two matches... those are tough. I don't particularly want to see any of them lose, but if I had to choose, I would pick Leva Bates over Angel Blue. Blue won last year, so with her falling in the first round, it would guarantee a new winner. Plus, you can't go completely homer with these. If an ACW regular wins each round, why bother bringing in the outsiders? (Not The Outsiders.) So, I'm going with Leva, because it would give her the chance to dress up a second time. I'm a sucker for a tournament participant that changes outfits with each round (hence why I'm such a huge fan of Ultimo Dragon).

The really difficult choice is between the reigning American Joshi Champion Su Yung and the debuting Candice LaRae. Do they have the Champ drop it in the first round to show that anything can happen and that we would be guaranteed a new Champion (to go along with having a new Queen if Angel Blue also loses)? It would seem odd to have two members of The Business lose, but, in all reality, the only two members of the group that now continue to act somewhat heelish are the two women. Sure, I suppose they need a female member, but the two they have seem kind of counter-productive. So, much like my earlier theory, it seems kinda silly to bring in four outsiders to have only one (or zero) win. So, I'm going with Candice LaRae to defeat Su Yung and win the American Joshi Championship in a complete shocker.

If that is indeed what goes down, it will lead to a very interesting Final Four. You would have two ACW mainstays in Athena and Jessica James against the guests Leva Bates and NEW American Joshi Champion, Candice LaRae. Now, ACW hasn't put up an actual bracket, so I have no idea whom would face whom in a second round, but I would like to hope it would be something like Leva Bates vs. Jessica James and Athena vs. Candice LaRae. Sure, there are obviously other combinations, but for me that scenario works best. I would think Leva Bates would win her match and Athena would take the Championship from the newly crowned Champ's waist. Which would set up an interesting main event. Would we see the title change hands for a third time? Or would Athena hold onto the belt and move forward in ACW as the new standard-bearer of the women's division?

I suppose it all comes down to whether or not they could bring Leva Bates in more frequently. She's a busy lady, so that may not be feasible. But, for me, I would like to see her win. Someone outside the box. We would have already had Candice LaRae winning, but being as this is her debut, she may never return. And Athena will always be around (it just may not always be in the Joshi division) until someone wises up and signs her to a deal elsewhere. So, my money is on Leva Bates. And, honestly, a lot of it has to do with her always changing gimmicks. Steve doesn't do them in ACW anymore, so someone has to pick up the slack.


WHAT ELSE COULD WE SEE:
Honestly? You never really know with ACW. They have a tendency to have a lot of the same matches each month that don’t typically lead to anything, unlike their cousins (rivals?), Inspire Pro, who tends to have everything happen for a reason because of previous events. ACW doesn’t quite operate like that sometimes. You’ll get the same four teams in a tag team scramble, with the winner never getting even so much as a non-title match with the Tag Team Champs. It’s kinda weird and pointless sometimes, even if the matches tend to be really good.

But, they have been seemingly trying new matchups as of late, which has been nice. They just have to keep that up, as well as putting actual stories behind them. They have to get us fans invested in what’s happening beyond, “hey, that’s a good match.” Which, there is nothing wrong with having a bunch of good matches, it just makes the good matches mean a lot more if you’re invested in what happens during it. So, now a rundown of some things that may or may not happen, and just general thoughts on the state of some things.

“Infamous” Shawn Vexx is the Anarchy Heavyweight Champion and has said he will take on all challengers. So far, he’s defended against Davey Vega (who stole the belt after losing) at ABSENCE OF LAW and Jack Jameson at NOTHING IS AS REAL AS A DREAM. A matchup against Carson and Thomas Shire was also setup. Either way, I’m not sure if it is to happen at this event or in the future. Vexx had to miss the latest Inspire Pro show because of a family emergency, so who knows if he’ll be there or not. No matter when it takes place, I am not opposed to it. Getting some new blood into the main event scene is exactly what ACW needs to do.

That said, it should already have happened at GUILTY BY ASSOCIATION 8 in January. I am of the opinion that it never should have been Shawn Vexx to take the Anarchy Championship from Evan Gelistico. Instead, I am a firm believer that it should have been “Absolute” Ricky Starks. It seemed that month after month he was getting attacked by the Submission Squad. He was even the guy who brought in Pierre Abernathy to stop the group.  I’m not sure why Starks suddenly turned into Sting and became the dumbest person alive, because Abernathy would seem to be the LAST person to help in that situation. Time and time again, the Squad put Starks down. So, when it was Shawn Vexx who got the cage match at the biggest show of the year for the Championship, well, it seemed odd and random, especially when he won. Starks got the consolation prize of defeating Davey Vega, which I’m almost 100% was the ONLY match I have seen Starks win in all the time I’ve been watching ACW. I even joked with him one night that my wife and I saw him when more matches in one night with Inspire Pro than we ever did in ACW.

So, adding some fresh people into the title scene is very welcome, and they could do much worse than Carson and Thomas Shire. They happen to be two of my favorites. Carson has been good for awhile, but Shire has really come into his own over the last six months or so. Really, ever since his match with Gary Jay at GBA8, he has been on fire in both Inspire and ACW.

Jack Jameson has been someone they seemingly are trying to work into a bigger role. He, along with Paul London, ended the year-long Tag Team Title reign of The Business’ Jojo Bravo and Angel Blue, and recently, he's has been clamoring for a shot to prove himself in one-on-one competition. He got that chance at PEACE, LOVE, AND ANARCHY against Scot Summers in a brutal, brutal match where he would not give up. It was the perfect example of the young guy with heart vs. the merciless veteran. That singular match went along way to helping Jameson prove himself. Personally, I enjoy him, but he may not be ready for main events. He just isn’t very strong for someone his size. He’s not bad by any stretch, as the Summers match definitely proved his worth. He just needs a little more work.

I say that because they attempted virtually the same exact match with Shawn Vexx at NOTHING IS AS REAL AS A DREAM. First, earlier in the evening, Jameson and London were set to defend their Tag Team Titles, but before that could happen, Scot Summers viciously attacked Jameson. The reasoning? I actually have no idea, as it doesn’t make too much sense for the person who won the match to attack the loser. I’ve never understood that point, outside of Summers just being an asshole. So, he was taken out of the tag team match, so London recruited Darin Childs as his new partner to take on Just Steve and Scotty Santiago. For some reason, Jameson being unable to compete in that match meant Childs took his place as Champion alongside London. Yeah, I don’t understand how that works either, especially since Jameson was able to haul his ass out and challenge Shawn Vexx.

The problem with that match was that it was the exact same story as the Summers’ match, it just wasn’t as good, and was mostly redundant. I get the idea behind it, but the execution just wasn’t there. So, we’ll see where they go from here. I’m assuming Jameson isn’t finished with Scot Summers, although if I was Jack, I’d be wondering why exactly I know longer get to carry around a Title Belt.

The tag team division is rather robust in ACW, although you would never know it by looking at the top of the card. London and Childs recently defended the Tag Belts against the team of Just Steve (no longer using a gimmick-per-show) and Scotty Santiago, a very good young team, whom I enjoy a great deal. However, the trouble with the tag team division has been it was mostly Jojo Bravo and Angel Blue defending against Jack Jameson and a variety of partners until he found London and was able to take the belts away from The Business.

Usually, there will be a few tag team matches in the undercard or the pre-show, almost always a four team scramble among the Bad Boyz (Lil Tony and Seph Anunnaki), End of Days (Killah Kash and Sky de Lacrimosa), The Whole F’n Team (Johnny Axxle and Mr. B), and A Lil Crazy (Stan Summers and JC Bravo). Sometimes the Steve/Scotty team thrown in or another random team are thrown in, but literally those four teams almost always compete amongst themselves. The winner never gets anything; it’s almost like they don’t matter.

So, with Scotty and Steve recently getting a shot and the Bad Boyz and The Whole F’n Team finally acknowledging that they are always facing each other and getting nothing for it, hopefully things will progress. All I really ask is to mix things up, like when ACH faced Jeff Gant, Killah Kash, Sky de Lacrimosa, and Jason Silver on his last appearances for ACW. And it would be great if they could mix in the new team of Dressed to Kill (Dylan Dunbar and Donny Brooks), who are endlessly entertaining. I just wish they still had their “brother” Tadasuke to help them out. They have a good division, they just need to utilize it.

The Business have a lot of moving parts, with Su Yung and Angel Blue in the American Joshi Queen of Queens Tournament and Thomas Shire, assumingly, heading to the Anarchy Championship scene. So, what of Jojo Bravo and Ricky Romida? Romida recently lost the U-30 Championship to Jeff Gant, and Bravo hasn’t had really anything to do since losing the Tag Team Titles. I’m hoping The Heaviest Sumo in the Land can move into something in single competition because he’s too good to do nothing. Inspire Pro has been booking him quite well thus far, so there’s no reason ACW can’t do the same. I don’t know if that means putting him into contention for the U-30, Hardcore, or Television Titles, but he needs to do something. He can’t just be a cheerleader. Personally, since Barrett Brown has been tearing it up since winning the Hardcore Championship from Matthew Palmer, I would have Jojo challenge for that. I know Brown recently decided that skewers were OK in his forehead courtesy of Masada (in a bloody match that also included Scott Summers), so maybe they are taking Brown into another direction of proving his toughness against all the former hardcore guys. Still, I’d really like to see him face Jojo. It probably wouldn’t be as hardcore, but who cares?

We could see the return of Franco D’Angelo since he’s recovered from his injury. He was recently in a group with “Cowboy” James Claxton, Carson (who may not be apart of it anymore), and Scot Summers. As it stands, The Business is the only real stable left since the Submission Squad hasn’t been heard from in months.

There’s a lot of good talent in ACW; it’s just about putting them to good use. Good matches are all well and good, but when they’re repeats month after month with nothing advancing it’s boring. They just need some solid stories behind the matches and have things make sense from show to show and build to something important down the line. I know at GBA8, after Shawn Vexx won the Heavyweight Championship, they announced that at GBA9 that the Heavyweight and Hardcore Titles would unify. Matthew Palmer promptly lost his belt to Barrett Brown. Maybe they should go ahead and get things started on a Vexx-Brown story, which could be what they are doing with Vexx challenging so many new talents and Brown wanting to prove himself against the likes of Summers and Masada. The only problem is that everyone already knows Brown is fantastic.

But it should be a good show, especially if it puts the focus on the women, and starts the beginnings of some good stories. Some people are down on ACW now (and would like you to choose between it or Inspire), but I see the potential still there. It still has the talent to be great and there’s no reason we can’t have two top notch wrestling companies in Austin.

ACW’s 6th Annual Queen of Queens Tournament takes place this Sunday, June 29th, at the Mohawk on Red River in Austin, TX. Doors open at 5:15… in theory. In reality, they never do open that early, but the show will start around 6:00pm. You have three different options for tickets: $15 for reserved front row, $15 for balcony, or $12 for general admission. Personally, balcony is where it’s at, because it offers the best vantage point, as long as you don’t mind standing for four hours. So, head on over to their newly designed website for tickets, news, and the like!

How important is the briefcase? Photo Credit: WWE.com

Welcome to another edition of the Polling Place, where I give scenario and you choose your answer. First up, Money in the Bank is on Sunday. Ever since becoming its own event in 2010, the show has risen in prominence in the minds of critical fans to the point where some question whether it's on par with the Royal Rumble. How important do you think the briefcase is in the WWE firmament?


This past Sunday, Michael Elgin defeated Adam Cole to win the Ring of Honor World Heavyweight Championship. Some have felt it was a long time coming, while others feel Elgin isn't well-rounded enough to carry the load for a company that is competing with TNA for the number two slot in the country. Still, while ROH competes nationally and gets syndication, its heart still remains with the other independent promotions in the country. Is Elgin the best of those Champions, or is someone out there better?


Finally, the National Basketball Association draft was held last night. Andrew Wiggins went first overall to the Cleveland Cavaliers as expected, but he was hardly the only tantalizing pick for teams out there looking to improve. Scouts and pundits have been claiming for more than a year that this year's slate would be the deepest draft the NBA would have seen in years, but of course, some teams might have found a way to screw it up. What's your gut reaction to how your team drafted last night?

Could this match have happened in 2002 if Trey had the book in a real company? Photo Credit: WWE.com

I would like to think that the slight delay in the second part of this is a subtle reference to the near four year wait from 1.2e to 1.3 of the Promotion Wars game. It is not, because in that four year lifespan, this feature hasn't suddenly been made obsolete due to rival competitors. If anything, I probably have come in too late, since it's not like the world isn't flush with wrestling game reviews. Anyways, it is my own lackadaisical nature coupled with a regular work schedule that has led to this minor delay.

Here is a preview of the Promotion Wars fantasy booking I hope to have down in some form by Friday. pic.twitter.com/Uf9PaxFASl
— Trey Irby (@BadLuckFalTrey) June 18, 2014

2002 is a surprisingly plum time in the smark's mind in terms of fantasy booking. 2002 is the beginning of our 12-year nightmare with Total Nonstop Action Wrestling as well as the launch of the brand split that ultimately led to the WWE pushing the idea of a greater world capable of more top-level talent. Even before that, there was a curious run of promotions that all sought to fill that WCW-style hole in the wrestling business.

The Choosing Process/Month 1

My first pay-per-view, complete with Low-Ki beating Lane in a title match for no reason. #TreyPlaysPWpic.twitter.com/KsuRBMnjC1
— Trey Irby (@BadLuckFalTrey) June 19, 2014

So when I began, I had to make a choice in terms of what to fantasy book. The numerous data updates and fantasy scenarios allow anything from a reborn WCW to some generic Anti-McMahon company to XPW. And as hilarious as it would be to try to play the porn producer-owned Xtreme Pro Wrestling, I can't bring myself to acknowledge the existence of that company. Instead, I chose World Wrestling All-Stars or WWA for short. I only know of the very brief existence of WWA through Promotion Wars. Based in Australia, it was mostly known as a stopgap promotion for ex-WCW talent that was not either pulling a Time Warner or WWF contract and had only one particularly notable non-WCW star in future WWE signing Nathan Jones. Needless to say, their history isn't particularly notable.

I chose WWA to play up the game's main feature in inaccurately setting up a new Monday Night War between Raw and the creatively titled (because it is nonexistent) Monday Show. I'm sure Monday Show is a big deal on the beloved TV Channel. Anyways, the game still holds the idea of a WCW competing against WWF, so WWA has two (again nonexistent) shows to run a week. And due to a massive glitch that makes money in game go down quicker than a Steam summer sale, I gave the promotion $500 million so that I could actually book longer than six weeks without dying. I also signed Bill Goldberg, which immediately makes this report about as unreal as that Guest Booker shoot rebooking the Invasion, but with Bill Goldberg and not say Lance Storm.

And Then I Booked Things/Month 2 and 3

My booking has officially went off the rails. #TreyPlaysPWpic.twitter.com/jxDheksYb4
— Trey Irby (@BadLuckFalTrey) June 19, 2014

Then again, the game actually seems to reward you for rather implausible things. Other than big signings, the easiest way to drum up interest for your product is near constant heel/face turns. After four months, the only consistent main event face on my roster was Goldberg, which for the thin WWA roster of the time, it seems like he would be the only top face anyway. But my promotion had signed Sting, Macho Man, and Ken Shamrock, who all turned heel after a little bit of time and kind of makes the promotion sort of drown in top heels for The Prototype (yes, THAT Prototype) and CM Punk to beat.

My third pay-per-view likely ends with chants of "Fire Irby."#TreyPlaysPWpic.twitter.com/NdpvBZ9lI3
— Trey Irby (@BadLuckFalTrey) June 19, 2014

To be honest, I don't know if the game allows me to be a good booker. Your ultimate judge, I mean other than ratings and the bottom line, is the feud screen. Feuds go up over time with their present heat highlighted by a growing orange line until the moment they suddenly turn blue or cold. At that point, it is best to quietly end the feud, maybe with an immediate blowoff match. The trouble is that, despite what you do, this is mostly arbitrary. My epic Goldberg/Macho Man feud can go cold with say two weeks until the pay per view. Usually I go on with the match anyway with another guy as the "real feud." I quickly found that the only way to not go mad doing this is to make a faction. If a feud goes cold, use another guy. Build all the dragons for the top face to slay. Simple stuff, right?

This Is Not Simple/Month 4

See? No screwy finishes, even if matches have been repeated. #TreyPlaysPWpic.twitter.com/nqp0oohbnp
— Trey Irby (@BadLuckFalTrey) June 20, 2014

I am four and a half months into the game. The game's metrics love me, the board meetings note that the title is finally in good standing, and while I'm losing absurd amounts of money due to that glitch I mentioned, I have risen Monday Show's ratings from a 0.2 to a 1.3. Essentially, I have made a potentially viable #2 promotion. I even signed this American Dragon fellow after months of him declining my offer. But something is missing. It is my own internal logic.

A pretty big problem with the game is that the player does not directly choose match outcomes. Instead, the player chooses who to push and book based on a command to push a wrestler on their own separate screen. This usually means needing to remember who you are pushing at a given moment. Or hell, if you're lazy, it might even be more fun to leave most of the roster unpushed. This leave the match outcome random and potentially leads to some of the more hilarious results you see above.

That said, PW's aims were even undercut at the time by the system Extreme Warfare Revenge had in place. Those games allow more accurate choice as every match and segment in that game is directly decided by the player instead of passively hoped for. This is where our travels will take us next, as we find out just how EWR altered text sims as a genre.

Bad news for Barrett, but there is a silver lining Photo Credit: WWE.com

As you may or may not have read on Twitter, Wade “Bad News” Barrett suffered a separated shoulder during Tuesday's Smackdown tapings. The match he got injured in make me really eager to see this episode, strangely enough. He took on Dean Ambrose, and post-match, Jack Swagger tossed him into a barricade to cause the injury. It’s a weird match-up to be sure, but the victim and culprit of the injury are familiar to fans of WWE.

Swagger has become notorious with botching moves in the ring and injuring wrestlers during the peak their career, pushing them back down the card. His most infamous incident land a kick to the head to then-World Heavyweight Champion and crowd-favorite Dolph Ziggler, concussing the Show-Off and extinguishing hopes of a long title reign. At this point Swagger should either be rebranded as the “Career Killer” or, as much as I regret saying this, he should be fired before he really ends someone’s career.

Barrett’s star has been on the rise lately. He was repackaged with the new gimmick as a gruff bearer of ill tidings, relishing in making others miserable and putting his opponents (and the audience) down. He recently won the Intercontinental Championship after beating Big E (née Langston) in a strong match at Extreme Rules and was booked for the traditional contract ladder match this Sunday at Money in the Bank. It appears now that he’ll be pulled from the match and will not be replaced, and pending further examination by a doctor, there’s a good possibility that he’ll be stripped of the title altogether.

Barrett’s no stranger to injuries and incidents taking him off TV during a push. During his last repackaging in 2011 as bare-knuckle brawler, he suffered a dislocated elbow shortly after Elimination Chamber 2012. Work visa issues kept him off TV from August of last year to April of this year, and early on in his career as the leader of The Nexus he had the misfortune of having John Cena no-sell a DDT on the concrete floor. Even if Barrett gets stripped of the title, however, it doesn’t necessarily mean his recent push is over. His current gimmick as the bearer of Bad News™ is incredibly over with the audience and allows for him to be on TV without being in the ring. A series of vignettes showing him rehabbing his shoulder would allow Barrett to keep his patented charm on TV and earn some sympathy with the crowds.

I try not to do armchair booking here, but if I was in charge of Creative, I'd implement the perfect way to keep the spotlight on Wade if he’s out of the ring for a while. I'd run a new tournament for the Intercontinental Championship and crown new Champion in Jack Swagger. Swagger’s manager Zeb Coulter would put over how Jack put down a foreigner and wouldn’t let any other non-American get their hands on the Intercontinental Championship. Swagger would the distance and after he wins, Barrett would then come out and attack him from behind. Yes, I'd remake the infamous Owen Hart/Steve Austin angle after Hart accidentally broke Austin’s neck, where Barrett would cause disqualifications in all of Swagger’s title defenses to keep the title on him. Then, when Barrett is ready to return to the ring, him would take on Swagger for the title. I don’t even want to see a long, competitive, match between the two, I just want to see Barrett destroy Swagger and regain what is rightfully his.

Fans are fretting over whether or not the injury Barrett suffered will end his hot streak, and while WWE’s track record does rightfully cause one to pause, there’s no reason for Barrett to not maintain some momentum during his time off. He exudes charm and has shown a propensity for “maximizing his minutes” even if he isn’t in the ring. WWE may have a bad history of squandering injured wrestlers but they seem to have a lot of faith in Barrett, so I guess I’ve got some good news.

Why is it so hard to believe a woman like this could be as true a fan as the men around her? Photo Credit: WWE.com

Last Friday, I walked into the Squared Circle after work. The Hubs was on his way to meet me, so I took my typical place at the bar to wait for him. There were a few other guys sitting there, drinking beer and chatting about wrestling. I love diving into these conversations. Often, you’ll get a guy who gives you this look like, what, you’re into wrestling? Damn straight I’m into wrestling. I had Daniel Bryan and CM Punk standees in the photo booth at my wedding. (Pro tip: DO THIS. The people at my nuptials were ALL ABOUT THE STANDEES.)

But back to the bar. I’m enjoying my Supper Club (TRY THIS BEER) and taking in the seminal classic New Year’s Revolution 2007 (Note: not actually a seminal classic), while chatting with a few of my fellow patrons. As per usual, at least one of them will ask some question to gauge if I’m what they consider a real fan or not.

First of all, the notion of a ‘real fan’ is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard in my life. If you enjoy something, you’re a fan. No caveats. No hundred question quiz about the complete history of media, person, or thing people are calling you into question about. If you do this to someone, you’re an idiot.

Once I’ve passed the rite of initiation, the guy goes into this story about an ex-girlfriend who said she was a fan of wrestling. He proceeded to tell us how he told her she wasn’t a real fan because it was the mid-2000s and she didn’t know much about the Attitude Era.

I, for one, am shocked to hear it didn't work out.

Who gives a shit if she just got into it and isn’t fully aware of the rich history of pro-wrestling? Wouldn’t it be fun to revisit all the things you remember loving while showing them to her for the first time? Why would you lord it over someone who just got into wrestling that they didn’t know about the past? What the hell?

While I listened to him prattle on, one question popped into my head. Would he be doing that to her if she was a guy? No one’s ever played the twenty questions game with my guy friends who watch wrestling. I love when guys find out the Hubs and I are into wrestling, and they direct all their questions to him. He just kind of stares at them for a moment before looking over at me for the answer the question. Then we just laugh. The Hubs only watches because I watch. He thinks it’s all a delightful kind of ridiculous.

I wanted to write something about the disappointing fan reactions to wrestling events this week, but this is what came out instead. It’s more of a call for general decency. Can’t we have discussions without questioning people’s true fandom? Can’t we critique wrestling for the lows and celebrate it for the highs without resorting to name calling and over-defensiveness? Can’t we all just acknowledge how fucking cool it was that I had wrestling standees at my wedding?

Rollins was a good winner, but his mode of victory felt tired and safe Photo Credit: WWE.com

In TH Style. Get yo' ass the WWE Network so you can watch it on demand.

Highlights:

• The Usos retained the Tag Team Championships over the Wyatt Family with two Superfly Splashes on Erick Rowan.
• Paige retained the Divas Championship with the cradle DDT over Naomi.
• Adam Rose bested a Damien Sandow who was dressed as Paul Revere with the Party Foul.
• Thanks to an assist from The Demon Kane™, Seth Rollins won the Money in the Bank briefcase.
• The Dust Brothers defeated Rybaxel when Stardust got a rollup pin on Ryback.
• Big E Langston almost broke out of the Accolade, but Alexander Rusev's iron grip was too much.
• Layla defeated Summer Rae for the affections of Fandango.
• In the WWE World Heavyweight Championship ladder match, John Cena bested seven other wrestlers to win his 15th top Championship in WWE.

General Observations:

• I missed the preshow because I was out for a friend's birthday dinner in downtown Philadelphia. From what I heard, I didn't miss a whole lot, just Daniel Bryan being molded into the next John Cena in terms of lame dick jokes at the expense of the midcard talent.
• WWE GOT RID OF THE WYATTS' AWESOME CONCERTINA THEME SONG ALREADY? Jesus, I know the company likes to market itself to the aggro white male between 18-34 demographic, but not everyone needs a fucking butt rock theme song.
• It's hard to call meathooking a dude's head off while he's on the apron awaiting a tag "the little things," but Luke Harper does the little things so well. Any other guy would've just shoved Jimmy Uso off the apron. Harper went the extra mile.
• For a dude built like a goddamn tree trunk, Erick Rowan bumps pretty fearlessly. He took the Ziggler-shoulderfirst-into-the-ringpost bump pretty seamlessly.
• Harper pulled out two superman dives in short order. If he had done the AR Fox routine and finished with a tope con hilo (over the ropes senton atomico), I might have shit myself.
• I haven't seen someone as absurd as Rowan take to the air since I first saw the movie Dumbo.
• Paige and Naomi getting the second match spot instead of the second-to-last match spot? COME UP.
• They repaid the faith by going HARD from the bell. Most Divas matches don't get a feeling out process, and yet Paige and Naomi took their lockup prison-rules style to the floor. Then Paige went and hit a basement tilt-a-whirl, and Naomi followed up by arm-dragging the Champ off the fucking apron to the floor. I think the opening of this match was a message to the h8rs.
• Naomi letting Paige get counted out was bad match planning, but I'd be willing to forgive it because she ever so subtly heeled it up while counting along with the ref. If she had just kept the eye-patch (*pours out a 40 for Aksana*), her rudo character would be the most personally anticipated one on the women's side of the ledger since Bull Nakano.
• PAIGE PULLED OUT A STUMP PULLER? AND JERRY LAWLER ACTUALLY CALLED IT? FUCK AND YES! Additional props to Naomi being on that Melina flexibility shit to get her leg up that high for Paige to pull back.
• Not a whole lot to say about Adam Rose/"Paul Revere" except that Damien Sandow yelling "THE ELBOW IS COMING! THE ELBOW IS COMING!" before dropping the Cubito Aequet was just sublime.
• I'd really dig Jack Swagger's shirt in a vacuum, but the dude plays a racist xenophobic heel. He shouldn't have awesome merch like that.
• Kofi Kingston had the best moment of the early going. He was climbing the ladder until Dean Ambrose shoved it over. Kingston jumped off, springboarded off the top rope, and landed on a fray of people on the outside. I'd complain that he doesn't get more of a shine, but basically, these prop bumps and stunts in multiman matches are the only things he really does well anymore. Appreciate them while you can.
• Seth Rollins took no fewer than four giant bumps in this match. I understand wanting to be a prop bumper and invest crowds into a match through your own personal pain, but FOUR FULL ZIGGLERS IN ONE MATCH? Seth, you have your career to think about this, bro.
• Ambrose, on the apron, took a punch from Rob van Dam, after which he staggered punch drunk and collapsed off onto the floor. Dude's the complete package.
• SERIOUSLY ROLLINS, YOUR LIFE IS TOO IMPORTANT TO BE TAKING LADDER SUPERPLEXES AFTER TAKING TWO HUGE BUMPS BEFORE GETTING TO THAT POINT. GAWD.
• And just like that, Ambrose "hurt his shoulder" and had to be wrangled to go to the back by doctors. The setup was obvious, but it would pay off later on as the arena came the fuck unglued when he came back into the ring.
• Kane? Really? Yuck.
• Shout-out to the guy in the skull-and-crossbones t-shirt who was rocking the fuck out after Rollins won though. That guy was living life.
• Curtis Axel got new gear, a singlet with an axe on the back of it! He's a fine in-ring wrestler, but man, everything else about him is just wrong. He's lucky to have Ryback as a tag team partner.
• Seriously, Ryback broke out a sequence of Tarzan-like chest beating that I didn't think would ever end. Okay, I'll admit, I didn't want it to end.
• Big E Langston continued his morphing into Muscly Martin Luther King, Jr. in a pre-recorded inset promo. It might have been more effective if the black preacher gimmick wasn't done to death in wrestling.
• Langston tried to go for the apron spear he pulled out against Alexander Rusev at the last special event, but Rusev blocked it. I love callbacks, but I wasn't so much a fan of it when Langston connected on it later in the match. That spot should be kept special, not an every PPV type thing.
• I suspect Langston fighting out of the Accolade would have gotten the fans behind him. I wish he would've broken out, even if he ended up losing a few minutes later anyway. He's too talented to be mired in bullshit. He needs a spark.
• Brie Bella was backstage with her sister, which drew out Stephanie McMahon to chase her away. I really don't need a McMahon/Bella subplot to be drawn out over time unless it morphs into something other than "YOU'RE A BIG MEANIE TO MY HUSBAND."
• Speaking of stupid, sexist bullshit, hey, Layla vs. Summer Rae was a thing!
• The main event ladder match began and within minutes, the dueling John Cena chants were in full force. No matter how hard WWE tries to create new stars (but to be fair, it does a terrible job most of the time), the crowd remains a referendum on John Cena.
• Cena deserved credit for bumping in this match. He took at least two sick ladder bumps from Bray Wyatt, and he's always put his best chin forward taking the Swiss Death from Antonio Cesaro, which he did here.
• Randy Orton got busted open pretty good on the top of his head. I'm not a proponent of blood in every match, but I have to admit the hardway color here looked gnarly.
• The best visual in this match came when everyone else in the match swarmed on the ladder when Orton made one of his ascents towards the top. I imagine that kind of panicked rushing towards a singular goal was inspired by WWE agents observing doorbuster deals on Black Friday.
• At one point in this match, Roman Reigns did a signature move of his on everyone. Everyone. Superman punches, apron sick kicks, and he fucking speared Cena out of his boots.
• One part of me appreciated that Kane didn't go into business for himself and that he kept on helping Orton get to the belts. Another part wanted him to turn his back on Orton and complete the Authority's purging of the old order for something new. And yet another part of me wanted finally to try an In-n-Out burger. To be fair, that third part never really dies, ever.

Match of the Night:Jimmy and Jey Uso (c) vs. Luke Harper and Erick Rowan, WWE Tag Team Championship Match - Two of the best tag teams working today were tasked with opening the Money in the Bank pay-per-view, and they may have stolen the show away from the rest of the packed slate that would follow them. When one competitor can improve a match just by widening his eyes, and the two brothers across the ring from him do very little to disprove theories that twins are psychically linked, then the odds for a good match are extremely good. Both teams had their working boots on and thus gave those following a tough act to follow, even when the later competitors would have the advantages of ladders in their favor.

The heat segment that Jey Uso underwent pretty much turned out to be the Luke Harper show. His crazy eyes and zombie walk are the best things going in wrestling. He has a perfect understanding of how to meld character and work ability in the ring, and that talent is going to take him far in WWE. He did big and little things well. Cutting off a tag and knocking the other guy off the apron is basic tag team stuff, but when you're running at big rig speeds to decapitate Jimmy Uso on the other side of the ring to prevent the hot tag, well, you're on another plane. Kudos to the Uso for taking that bump off the apron as well. Erick Rowan did a lot of things well in this match as well. Even though his endgame was missing the move, his form going from the mat up to doing that twirling leg drop was beautiful stuff, and by the time he was ready to accept the Usos cutting him off, I was ready to see him fly off the top.

But the Usos were more than willing to hold up their ends of the bargain. To call them the Samoan Young Bucks would be a disservice to both teams, but their uncanny knack of leg placement on their superkicks is second only to the Kings of Reseda. The one spot where Rowan scooped up Jey on the outside only for Jimmy to hit him with the superman plancha was beautifully timed and one of the few dives that I recall hitting the mark. Their synergy on the finishing sequence was amazing as well. The Usos winning in this case felt so unfinished, even with the decisive pinfall. However, if one feud could continue into the future indefinitely, I wouldn't mind it being this one.

Overall Thoughts: With the spectre of Brock Lesnar looming on the horizon, WWE had a myriad of options in front of it to offer up as a sacrifice to the Red Beast God Incarnate. Daniel Bryan's injury status is unknown right now, but even if he was the original plan, putting him up against a guy whose recklessness seems to be a big selling point would be too morally reprehensible even for Vince McMahon. Sheamus and Alberto del Rio had less heat than Antarctica in winter night. Authority vs. Lesnar made absolutely no sense at this point without a major, TNA-esque reboot. So the options ahead of the company were Roman Reigns, Antonio Cesaro, and John Cena. Two were unknown but interesting quantities. The other one held a certain comfort, both in his ability to carry a title and to have a great match with Lesnar in a money scenario. WWE went the safe route.

On one hand, I can't blame them. Bryan's injury put the clamps on what should have been a fun, experimental summer where the little guy could go on fending off all challengers. When an experiment fails due to unforeseen circumstances like an injury, the tendency is not to go with something even more experimental without the benefit of a build like Bryan had, but to go with what has worked in the past. It's the maxim by which sports teams select interim managers/coaches when midseason firings are afoot. On the other hand, both Reigns and Cesaro could have been fabulous options for title wins and defenses against Lesnar, neither of which would have required all that much a leap of faith for the audience to accept.

Cesaro and Lesnar share the common manager, and that Paul Heyman fella spent a lot of time during his initial run as Cesaro's advocate not putting him over in favor of the other client. Resentment and professional jealousy are more than acceptable plot devices for pro wrestling. Reigns may not have had the convenient storyline in, but he would've been just as credible a physical specimen for Lesnar to battle. With the right stories, neither guy's inevitably short two-month title reign would have seemed transitional at all. Title reigns, as everyone knows, are not truly measured by length as much as they are by booking providence.

But WWE went the safe route. I can understand traveling the well-lit path occasionally, but Cena had 14 reigns with some form of the top title in the company before tonight. That safe route is well-worn, and more adventurous paths have yet to be traversed. Once you stop trying to innovate, you stagnate. When you stagnate, the people you're trying to draw in know the score. I am not well-versed in the ways of how financial trends correlate with anything (your best bet would be to follow Chris Harrington on Twitter.), but if WWE wants to look at blame for not getting numbers as robust as its projections for the Network, maybe it ought to look inward.

That conservative attitude permeated the other ladder match as well. I understand the need to have Seth Rollins win the briefcase. Dean Ambrose doesn't need titles to be the coolest guy on the block. Boston was hot for him tonight, and I suspect Hartford will be tomorrow. But the deus ex machina of the overbearing authority figures has deflated far past critical mass at this point. Last year, WWE booked a hot angle in the finish of the blue briefcase match with two wrestlers it was clearly not behind in the long term. Rollins and Ambrose clearly are higher on the totem pole than Damien Sandow and Cody Rhodes were even last year. Why not put the thinking caps on again and look for some way where Rollins could have gotten the win WITHOUT The Demon Kane™ ensuring victory? Lazy, lazy, lazy.

Recursion and regression plagued Money in the Bank this year, and because WWE traveled the safest route possible, this year's event has been by far the weakest since it became its own pay-per-view. The wrestling was still solid, especially the first two matches, and even the ladder matches had a lot of visually stimulating spots and memorable moments. But it's clear WWE is waiting for an Anomaly to save it instead of doing anything active to try and get the ball rolling towards magnifying Lesnar's impact on the company. It's frustrating to watch at times, even if the answers are somewhat justifiable.

I freely admit that I am more of a fan of junior heavyweight wrestling than anything else. This is normally not a problem, because there's a lot of great junior-style stuff to sink your teeth into even now. But when I was a young wrestling fan, all babyfaced and apple-cheeked, I was a snob about it. And this is a sad thing to admit, but I didn't care for anything that wasn't Jushin Liger or Brian Pillman or Rey Misterio Jr. I regret this now.

There were people of my age bracket though who were watching more than that, and I missed it. One of those people is that mean-seeming soul directly above these words, former Chikara Grand Champion Eddie Kingston. And if you find yourself saying "I want to see Eddie Kingston-style matches" but you don't want to spend money to find them, then I have some places to start.

For the first stop, We're going to go to a man that Eddie himself has admitted to idolizing, and someone who has been a good influence on my wrestling fandom. Mr. G1 himself, Masahiro Chono. Chono is, along with Keiji Mutoh and Shinya Hashimoto, one-third of the Three Musketeers which were, as I always understood it, kind of the New Japan answer to the Misawa, Kobashi, Kawada, and Taue troika that dominated the 1990's. But what Chono match should I go with here? So many choices. So many options.

But truthfully the only one that makes sense to me is a match from BEFORE he became Mr. G1, and the black-clad and goateed menace of nWo Japan. When clowns like Michael Cole talk about big fight feel, this is what they mean. The entire building knew something special was happening, and they wanted to see the whole thing go where it was supposed to.


But Chono isn't the only New Japan Heavyweight I think you should watch to more vitally understand Kingston's work. There's another. This is the guy who I fell in love with when I started watching New Japan for more than just Liger, Koji Kanemoto, and Shinjiro Ohtani. This is a guy who, at least to me, represented the idea of what a heavyweight was supposed to mean. And for a while, Kingston was the Chikaraverse's version of him. Minus the awesome sideburns and general Fat Elvis milieu, of course, but the point still stands. And when you think of Shinya Hashimoto there's a lot of great stuff I could link you to. But I think the best one is also the most dignified IWGP Title match of the Pre-Tanahashi era.

Everything is struggled over, every hold and strike carries with it extra weight. Also, this is Hase's only shot at the IWGP Heavyweight Title. Watch it.


Now, by all means, this isn't the be-all and end-all of Chono and Hashimoto stuff. Trust me when I tell you that there is a vast treasure trove on the internets. Watch it. But understand that you are watching the building blocks of Eddie Kingston. Maybe that helps.

At least he can't hurt himself Screen Grab via ImpactWrestling.com

Kurt Angle is one of my favorite wrestlers in the world. He was one of the first guys I really watched work at the onset of my fandom. Every hitch to his character in WWE contained a nugget of something I absolutely love about wrestling, even when he just became a suplex-throwing machine and little else. And yes, it kills me a little bit inside to watch him work at TNA. I know his run there is coming up to overtaking his run at WWE in terms of length. Still, it really pains me that the man that looks like a really angry hot dog is the same person that sprayed the McMahons with milk and gave New York its first glimpse of a champion, even if it was just for one night. It’s heartbreaking to realize that Angle is bound and determined to die in the ring. Thankfully, the Powers That Be have put him in a position where he absolutely cannot wrestle and maybe just maybe he can get himself together to realize he’s given everything he needs to give and doesn’t have to give anymore.

Those words above could also apply to Jeff Hardy. I was never as big a fan of the Hardy Boys as I was of Lita, but there is still a lot of nostalgia and affection for Matt and Jeff than I’d care to admit. Their style of wrestling paved the way for so many people I love now, it’s hard to not have respect for them. Even if you don’t agree with his life choices I can’t imagine anyone not feeling a little bit uncomfortable watching him in TNA, knowing the demons he may still be battling outside of the ring.

I can’t say the same about Bully Ray. The man has become everything I absolutely despise about pro wrestling. He's sexist, unnecessarily violent, talks a lot about how he’s a “real man” and “hardcore,” and pushes the idea that in order to get over you have to do a bunch of crazy table bumps and blade and run through flaming barbed wire and whatever else. He talks about how much he loves real wrestling and for having been at TNA for so long it’s clear that he may not be the biggest fan of WWE and what Vince McMahon did to ECW, but when asked if he would go back to WWE if asked he outright states he’d run back like a tail between his legs and buries the company he works for now, that has given him a new name and a new audience who cheers for him. He is the man who pushes these other two to dangerous levels, but has become less than willing to do the same. Instead he preaches violence against women because one had the temerity to stand up to him and beat him at his own game.

These three men’s stories haven’t yet become intertwined, but things have come to a head this past week making the parallels among them important to note. Angle has wrested control of TNA away from MVP and Dixie Carter, because no one can run a wrestling company like a crazy white man. Angle’s return as the Director Of Wrestling Operations promises some “big changes” for TNA, a “reboot” of sorts, bringing things back to when they were “good”. Hardy is still stuck in his Willow persona but a reckoning is upon us. Matt Hardy is returning and things cannot and will not stay as they are. And Bully Ray has enlisted the help of his buddy Tommy Dreamer to continue to threaten to put Carter through a table. ECW is gone and never coming back, absorbed forever by that New York promotion. Even the TNA of old is dead. We’re left with a roster full of aging wrestlers grasping at past glory and young wrestlers who will never get over with guys who really don’t even want to be there taking up spots.

The idea of legacy and nostalgia has become the crux of TNA ever since the beginning, every since they built a roster out of ex-WCW and WWE guys mixed in with young up-and-coming indie guys. Now they’ve reached the point where almost everyone who is with the company now has been with it for more than 3 years, and even the newcomers have ties to other legacies. Sanada is chastised for his ties to The Great Muta and whether he can live up to it, The Beautiful People are here to remember past glories, and even the newest stable The Menagerie is only here to get enough money to bring the “family business” back from the brink.

TNA’s legacy has become poison, a place you don’t come back from, where my favorite wrestler in the world has spent almost as much time doing moonsaults off of cages for near empty backlot soundstages as he has playing Madison Square Garden. Instead of reaching back into wrestling past, a past it had no hand in creating, TNA desperately needs to focus on creating something new, with new wrestlers. They need to become a place where legends meet their end metaphorically, not literally.

A debut, a return, a dream match, a reboot, and a showcase.  That is not a rewrite of Smells Like Teen Spirit, but rather an objective if concise view of what went down on the last NXT of June.

Had things connected better, or more of them, it'd be remembered as one of the best "free TV" episodes of the year and a mark to point to when considering NXTV the Show of the Year for 2014.  But this was no fairytale world, and in the end there was more than a little dissonance between the could've and the did.   So much of the show evaporated on contact, for no good reason besides it happens sometimes.

Adrian Neville and Rob van Dam closed the show in a two-segger in which the end was inevitable (see Arrow, Red) but there still could've been a phenomenal journey to be had en route.  Hell, Tyson Kidd's managed such a thing twice and before that his career was pining for the fjords.  Without anything by way of alignment change or Tyler Breeze getting his manicured hands dirty on the NXT Champion, he and the former ECW stalwart went out and had a perfectly serviceable match.  There was a bit of a teased "anything you can do I can do better" with RVD getting a slight advantage with a baseball slide only to soon fall prey to Neville offense setting up a flawless Asai moonsault suicida off the second rope while landing on his feet in the process, but it turned out to be an amuse bouche without a entree in sight.  RVD did vary up his usually repetitive offense and gave the crowd somebody to root for, if not much else.  However, Day 119 ended with the breathtaking corkscrew Shooting Star from the Englishman right after he dodged the Five Star.  Again, this wasn't a Jackie Gayda/Trish Stratus mixed tag or anything, but the little extra something to vault this out of "well, that happened" territory never materialized.  Possibly van Dam knocked Neville loopy at a juncture, since some of the maneuvering seemed a beat or half off at times in the meat of the match.  Irregardless, without heels to play off of and Van Dam's offense not exactly the most heart-stopping in the modern era and somewhat muted in contrast to Neville's it was a main event that wouldn't main event Main Event.

And still, it might've been the best match on the show.

Watching the Vaudevillains smite some dudes was fun and everything, but it wasn't exactly a surprise.  Renee would've put up a better challenge for the quite manly team just dance fighting them than their overmatched opponents did.  Bull Dempsey's rebooting and subsequent borderline squash of Xavier Woods would've gotten more attention had they not somehow tried to pretend it was a debut against someone who hasn't won since the snowflakes were falling. (Ed. note: Also, it would've been better if Dempsey at least tried to hide his act as a transparent rip-off of Eddie Kingston.)

Colin Cassady had a squash more notable by him hitting one of the best big boots in the 21st century than the opposition, and as it turned out it was a setup for two things: the Legionnaires coming out to be very French in his general direction and for Enzo Amore to come back to back up his big dog.  Hilariously, Enzo almost cut the same first two promos he ever cut in NXT by way of reintroducing himself and his partner before flinging the expected catchphrase at Not La Resistance.

And Becky Lynch, holy Mary Mother of Crom. Here's the thing about Becky Lynch - and kudos to beating a horribly distracted Summer Rae with a legitimately good T-Bone suplex before the instrumental to Ether starts - she's Irish.  Like SUPER Irish.  Like MEGA Irish.  Like the Irishest Irish to ever Irish, so imperturbably from the Emerald Isle she makes Sheamus look Muslim.  She jigged to start the match, she jigged in the middle, she jigged after she won and she did it between moves for no good reason besides HEY DID YOU GUYS KNOW I'M IRISH?  It was like she played No Mercy and was getting into green to set up her finisher by doing her taunt 16 times.  (Note: she probably didn't actually jig 16 times; it just felt that way.)  Most complimentary, the crowd was into her and chanting into her from jump.  That being said, she might've had a Mojo Framily section thing going where the people there were only there specifically for her and Ann Coulter could get babyface steam against Summer Rae in NXT, for crying out flayven.  In summation: Becky: less dancing, more T-Bone suplexing. Don't turn into a drinking game into which there are no survivors.

Even a fired up Sami Zayn looking more aggro than he has in Full Sail and swearing in his own nice guy way to get Tyson Kidd was relegated to backstage post-production.  Sometimes when you're doing no reruns you hit magic.  We've seen that from NXT, in both random episodes and two-hour Network specials earlier in the year.  And sometimes when you're never doing reruns, this happens. Almost anything's better than getting rated M for Meh, and given NXT's history this is almost assuredly more an aberration than a long-term reason for handwringing and concern.

Honestly, it's not like they had Cena win the belt again, you know?

Today is a momentous day in wrestling history, as it was the day that Terry Funk, one of the finest pro wrestlers of all-time, entered this world. In fact, today is the Funker's 70th birthday, and he doesn't seem to be slowing down too much with accepting dates to wrestle. God bless that man. Anyway, this week's sampling is a match from when Funk was closer to his prime over 30 years ago against a man whose ability to celebrate birthdays was robbed from him before that decade was over. Bruiser Brody is the opponent. All-Japan Pro Wrestling is the promotion. Celebrate Funk's anniversary of birth with this match from the Rudo Reels"Legacy of Bruiser Brody" set, and hey, if you like this match, head on over there and pick it up (or any other wrestling comps he may have).

Why couldn't this match get more time? Photo Credit: WWE.com

This was almost a procrastination edition again, guys. I managed to resist the lure of the Steam Summer Sale for you, dear readers. That's how much I care about WWE's lowest tier programming.

Our first match of the evening is Adam Rose vs Heath Slater. They actually reference their match from a few weeks ago, which was shocking. They look like their building a little feud here, which is a step in the right direction. A step in the exact opposite direction was the length. The match was way too short, like under five minutes short. What the hell?

Adam Rose needs to find a better way to get people into the Party Foul. It was a little too 'let me gently grab your head and then slam it against the mat'. It didn’t really work for me in this instance. Everything else was solid. Slater and Rose both got in powerful looking offense. Slater came out with some fierceness, but then he got pinned too quickly. Give these guys some time and see what they can really do.

Second match pitted Rybaxel against R-Truth and Xavier Woods. We got a backstage interview with Rybaxel, which Superstars could use more of. Let all of these guys have more screen time on these second tier shows. If anything else, they can work on their mic skills and their characters. Use the time you have! There’s a whole Network chock full of time to let these people breathe. That being said, Rybaxel works really well together. I love Axel as Ryback’s doofus little buddy.

This match was solid too. The crowd got really into it. There was some fun back and forth. Everyone was able to get their offenses in, and nobody looked weak. They had a ton more time to work with than the first match. Rybaxel got the decisive win after Axel pulled R-Truth out of the ring, allowing Ryback to nail with Shellshocked.

I do have to ask, why were there commercial breaks during this match? Why can’t we wait until after the match to advertise for the event on Sunday? I just don’t get it.

1000 Years of Solid Recaps

I think there’s been enough said about the Vickie Guerrero and Stephanie McMahon stuff, but can I just say how much I adore Big Bad Steph. She’s just this vile, horrible human being, and it’s outstanding. She’s totally her father’s daughter.

I am a little sad that it was all about Seth Rollins and Dean Ambrose in the traditional Money in the Bank match. Not that I'm not interested in the yarn they're spinning, but why can’t we get some stories for the other guys going into the match? Why couldn’t RAW have been mostly been play in matches for Sunday? Just a little extra flavor is all I ask for, like with Rob van Dam. I like how they had him come out and try to give Rollins some shit. I say try, because I really don’t understand how RVD’s ‘you were young when I was already wrestling’ stinger is supposed to be hurtful. It just came off as him basically saying "I’m old and no longer relevant."

And then we come to Captain Ineffectual Rides Again. Why am I, or anyone else in the wide world of sports, supposed to find Kane threatening? He’s done nothing worthy of fear. NOTHING. He’s more impotent now than after that whole Embrace the Hate travesty from a few years ago. Why would anyone think he could win the match Sunday? Call him a demon all you want, but that’s not doing anything to help his mystique. So, Kane comes out and ‘lays waste’ to everyone in the ring, then gets immediately murked by Roman Reigns. Here’s me, trembling in my jammies. Either go all the way with Kane, or let’s move on please.

Random Thoughts

• Americana Tavern Wench needs a little more enthusiasm in her cheering-Adam-Rose game
• WWE has no idea what exclusive means. If your clip is exclusive to WWE.com, and you show it on Raw, Superstars, Main Event, the App, and the rest, it isn’t considered exclusive anymore
• Khal Drogo’s apparently in a WWE Films movie. If he’s not ripping tongues out through slit throats, I’m not interested
• I’m all about that lamb mask with the Buddy Holly glasses in the crowd, but I’m even more about the Skeletor on the Ryback’s singlet. Real talk: Love, love, LOVE the crap fest that is the Masters of the Universe live action movie from the 80s.

Rock and his music are inexorably linked Photo Credit: WWE.com

Since Glen Stride began the trend of wrestlers walking to the ring while music played way back in the 1950s, the idea of an entrance theme has evolved into an almost separate industry. Rather than solely use popular music - and be forced to pay the royalty fees for doing so - several promotions have also hired staff to write personalized themes for their performers. Whether a wrestler's music is appropriated for use or created specifically for him/her, the point of the theme is to represent that character and assist the audience in understanding just who that character is.

Take The Rock, for instance. Over the course of his career, he has had numerous versions of what basically amounts to the same theme song, written by WWE composer emeritus Jim Johnston:


As you can see, this one is labeled "24th Theme Song," so even if the uploader is not 100% correct we'd still be dealing with a pretty sizable plethora of songs. Sticking with just this latest version, how does The Rock's theme enhance his character?

First, let's focus on the real meat of this one - instrumentation. For the most part, anything Jim Johnston writes is performed by a typical rock band - guitars, bass, drums, maybe a keyboard here or there. But what is one of The Rock's (other) nicknames? "The Most Electrifying Man in Sports Entertainment," perfectly personified with a simple instrument choice. Rather than a simple, clean guitar sound and/or a Fender Rhodes keyboard, Johnston chose a modest amount of distortion, commonly referred to as the "electric" guitar sound. By simply "electrifying" the composition upon recording, Johnston created a perfect theme for someone who refers to himself as the most electrifying anything.

Next, the actual music itself. Underneath everything in each incarnation of The Rock's theme is a simple, funk-based bass line. This is notable in several ways. As the bass line, it is the foundation upon which the rest of the music is built. It supports everything else in the composition. Did The Rock not support other competitors, or The Nation of Domination, or WWE in general? When he became a main event talent, it was The Rock's duty to help carry the company - five main event matches at WrestleMania and all his film work are just some examples how he helped support the company as its popularity rose in the early 2000s.

How about the funk influence? There are numerous ways to look at this. As a third-generation wrestler, the funk pays a bit of homage to The Rock's father, "Soul Man" Rocky Johnson. Musically, funk and soul often go hand-in-hand, so this is a logical fit. Additionally, while possibly a bit inappropriate to acknowledge, as a man with mixed lineage that includes African-American ancestry, perhaps the funk is just meant to play to that. It is WWE after all, never exactly known for racial subtlety or sensitivity.

Finally, we come to the fact that the theme is inherently simple - easy to sing back, and just about every wrestling fan could approximate how The Rock's theme sounds. Did you ever notice that the actual character of "The Rock" is a fairly simple one? He can be viewed as a simple stock character - The Jock, as a former football player. Things don't get much simpler than the stock characters, but that doesn't mean they can't become popular. John McClane, Darth Vader, Dr. House are all stock characters. One of the things that make them so adored is their quick wit and ability to turn a phrase. The Rock is no different; an entire article can be written just on his catchphrases, if ya smell what I'm cooking.

The use of theme music is an integral part of today's wrestling landscape. Do all themes epitomize the superstars who use them like The Rock's does? No, but there's a good number that do. Make sure you pay close attention to the music the next time you watch or attend a show. Musicians are people, too.

YOU GET 'ER, VICKIE. YOU GET 'ER GOOD. Photo Credit: WWE.com

Welcome to a feature I like to call "Best in the World" rankings. They're not traditional power rankings per se, but they're rankings to see who is really the best in the world, a term bandied about like it's bottled water or something else really common. They're rankings decided by me, and don't you dare call them arbitrary lest I smack the taste out of your mouth. Without further ado, here's this week's list:

1. Vickie Guerrero (Last Week: 5) - Sure, she may have been fired, but she went out guns blazing. Sure, she had to take a bath in the pudding-that-the-audience-was-supposed-to-think-was-shit, but Stephanie McMahon needed THREE minions to put her there. Guerrero got her revenge and shimmied out of the company.

2. Paige (Last Week: 1) - She not only retained her WWE Divas Championship, she did so surviving Naomi's posterior to her face. Getting hit with dat ass is like taking a Yokozuna leg drop, an American Balloon moonsault, or a Bronco Buster from Shelton Benjamin and surviving. Plus, THE STUMP PULLLLLAAAAAHHHHHHHH...

3. Veda Scott (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Normally, I'm not for excessive abuse of the physically impaired, but to be fair, Greg Iron had it coming.

4. Cedric Alexander (Last Week: 3) - He not only survived getting backdropped onto the apron last week, but he came back from it to best Vordell Walker in MORTAL KOMBAT... okay, maybe it wasn't mortal, and the nature of the battle was more combat than kombat, but still, impressive.

5. Mark Henry (Last Week: 6) - Word was that Henry was banned from the arena last night because he was wearing his lucky salmon suit and was threatening to retire like he did before Money in the Bank last year. To be fair, most people in WWE have short term memory worse than goldfish, so it totally would've worked again.

6. Su Yung (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Yung is this year's ACW Queen of Queens, and all she had to do was defeat MALEFICENT to get the crown. Her final opponent is the second most difficult runner-up in Queen of Queens history, because Jessicka Havok is still way scarier than any evil faerie.

7. Alicia Fox (Last Week: 2) - Theory: Foxy was working to sabotage McMahon in her plot to humiliate Guerrero, and she was crazy enough to take a dip in faux-shit to do it.

8. Fried Chicken Skin (Last Week: Not Ranked)OFFICIAL HOLZERMAN HUNGERS SPONSORED ENTRY - RADICAL THEORY: It's better than bacon.

9. Daniel Bryan (Last Week: 8) - I'm willing to forgive Bryan for him calling Bo Dallas "BO-ner" if he's transferring his TNA name Lloyd Boner to him.

10. Sara del Rey (Last Week: 10) - SARA DEL REY FACT: She chided Naomi after the match last night for not singing "Row Row Row Your Boat" when she had Paige in the rowboat stretch, y'know, like she taught her.

Jericho's back... that's good Photo Credit: WWE.com

WWE promised a return of a former Champion who had transcended the ring and became a multi-platform entertainment icon. It first trotted out Vince McMahon, a former Champion and (failed) entertainment mogul, but once the broomstick-lodged-up-the-butt walk was recognized as belonging to Damien Sandow, that ultimate troll option went out the window. Then The Miz was trotted out as the rotten egg in the jar of pickled ova on the counter at Moe's Cavern. A collective groan could be heard across RAW-watching nation until he was trumped by a returning Chris Jericho. Just when a Jericho/Miz feud had emerged from the aether, the screen BLEARPED, and the psycho hillbillies reminded Y2J dem buzzards done needed to be followed.

But Jericho wasn't the most important former Champion to return. In symmetrical fashion to how Paige won the Divas Championship from AJ Lee, Mama Knight's Baby Valkyrie lost the title right back to Lee, who came back with all the shock of someone putting the flatware in an electrical outlet. Lee, last seen as a jaded variant of the character her now-husband played between SummerSlam '12 and WrestleMania XXIX, took on the mantel of returning hero and elicited Paige into transforming into her natural state as a villainous firebrand who takes not an iota of shit from any offenders. In a side note, is it just me, or have some fans developed a cynical streak the likes of which would make your average angsty teen nod in admiration? Maybe I'm being myopic here, but that interaction felt like the start of a feud, not the start of a demotion back to NXT for the now-former Champion.

Either way, both instances were examples of swerves that held emotional impact. Whether it was the lack of advance in the case of Lee or WWE handling the leaked report of Jericho's return with grace that the company really isn't known for most of the time, the circumstances came together to help show that the shock still has some value, that Vince Russo's devastating overuse of the mechanism has rebounded. Still, while those layers on the cake tasted good, the other ones underneath the frosting tasted quite rotten.

For example, Triple H decided he was going to swerve John Cena by putting him in a four-way match at Battleground against The Demon Kane™, Randy Orton, and... Roman Reigns? The same Roman Reigns whose inclusion in the Money in the Bank ladder match got Vickie Guerrero fired? The same Roman Reigns who saddled up next to Cena in The Shield's last gasp as a group before it totally dissolved into him as the last holdover in riot gear and Dean Ambrose as the troubled teen? In comics parlance, that situation would be like Magneto sending out Mystique, Juggernaut, and Cyclops to fight Charles Xavier. One of those mutants isn't going to be going hard after the Professor as much as he'd be attacking his other two "allies."

WWE just can't get out of its way sometimes. Every two steps it takes forward, it takes another back. That situation is a best-case scenario, which typically is close to the national average for an entity slogged down in corporate inertia. Once you incorporate and start running like a business instead of an entertainment troupe, then the risks start to become less and less frequent. The process at the top has too many inputs, and the head can sometimes be freakishly insane and fickle. Even Apple isn't immune to this kind of inertiatic malaise; instead of creating its own innovative products, it has been reduced to buying SOMEONE ELSE's innovation to help grow the brand.

I'm afraid WWE isn't going back to any kind of imagined halcyon days of yore. Granted, I don't recall any time when the format of the show was radically different than it is now, but I do at least recall a bit more patience at times and a lot more different looks in terms of stories and the principals in them. Maybe I'm just looking at things through rose-colored glasses. I don't know. And maybe the bad wasn't bad enough to outweigh the big stuff to happen. Maybe the solution is just to eat around the awful, rotten layers and just savor the good ones.

Who knew wrestling fandom could be so complex...

Damien Sandow broke out the king of all his impersonations with his skewering of the boss himself, Vince McMahon. He got the walk down, and he was close with the inflection of his voice, but his turn as Vinny Mac gets a big negative in eliciting the worst promo from Stephanie McMahon since somewhere around Triple H's feud with Randy Orton in 2009. Nothing is perfect, I suppose. I'm warming up to Sandow's impressionist gimmick because he seems to put his all into it. I still think he's overqualified, but who knows anymore. At least he's on TV.

Ziggler can, and should, be the face of a WWE junior heavyweight division Photo Credit: WWE.com

Unlike some folks around the Twittersphere, including the head bee guy here, I don't enjoy hosses on the same grand scale. Because I prefer the idea of the cruiserweights more, it has meant that I've found my enjoyment for the particular style of wrestling in other places. But in my head, there has always been an idea for something cool that I thought you could do in the WWE if given enough time and inclination. But as I think about it more,  I realize that if I want a chance for younger fans to be dazzled by pro wrestling beyond what the 'E gives them I have to really sit down and try to make this work. Because, if it's done right, what the WCW cruiserweight division meant to so many, and what Michinoku Pro and Dragon Gate mean to so many now, these two divisions can mean now if they're done right. That last sentence, though, is the important part. Because, for both the large company in Stamford, there are lots of things that need to be explained, and fixed, about the way that the juniors have been viewed during all of the previous times that they have tried this.

Now I know that this is my white whale, and I accept it. I am, if nothing else, a man who loves wrestling big and small, past and present, and I'd like very much to see something I know could work done the right way.

First thing: TREAT THE TITLE AND THE DIVISION WITH RESPECT.

That part had to be capitalized for Vince McMahon and his collection of lieutenants, or stooges if you prefer the term. Because that part, that key most important thing, was missing the last time we tried this, and is missing in the smaller promotion now.

This, by the way, does not mean that we turn everything into a walking wet dream of Davey Richards or Jim Cornette, where no gimmicks inhabit, and everyone's a serious pro wrestler who enjoys training and kicking ass. That's an e-fedder's idea of a wrestling show, and believe me when I tell you, that's not the point of a junior heavy division at all. Rather, what you should strive for is a simple truism. Treat every person on the roster, rudo or tecnico alike, as professionals and not as jokes.

Not sure how to make this work? Easy. Think of how ECW treated everyone. At no point during its run, even when it shouldn't have been able to, did the ocmpany give you the sense that any of its wrestlers or champions were jokes? Were the wrestlers otherwise unworthy of your time and attention? The titles were protected and became supremely important. This scenario can be reproduced with a little hard work and a firewall between the worst of the Attitude Era BS and the best of old territory-style booking.

Now I could go chapter and verse about how to protect champions and titles, but this feels frankly insulting  to have to tell it to New York. I do not think this to be presumptuous to write out, but the men whose job it is to make these decisions have made more money in months than I have ever in my life.

Next: KEEP THE DIVISIONS SEPARATE.

I know why this might be hard to do, especially with the constant need to create compelling programming, but what you are going to do here is to build something that your audience hasn't seen in five full years, or longer if you'd like to point out that the last Cruiserweight Champion was Hornswoggle. The one thing you want to do right now, as much as is humanly possible, is to avoid the urge to sacrifice the entire division on a funeral pyre to get your next big muscled project over.

Also, and this works really well with the reliance on stables and trios that the 'E has going, there can be the light heavyweight guy in each one of those armies who goes after the title. WCW did this a little bit with Syxx in the NWO and with Bradstreet in the Freebirds. (You could argue Richard Morton with the York Foundation, and I wouldn't disagree with you.) In Japan, of course, they could teach a master class on this entire thing. And considering that the single greatest angle in North American wrestling history was cribbed from the UWFI-New Japan feud, perhaps it's time to get some more tips from the Land of the Rising Sun. But there is one thing that New York can do.

Finally: FIND YOUR BRIAN PILLMAN.

The reason that the first WCW light heavyweight division worked, before Bill Watts came along and murdered it which is another story for another time, is that the man who was rather quickly established as the king of the hill was a guy who had already by the start of it been the US Tag Team Champion, was the focal storyline point of the company's signature blowoff match, and had a really awesome feud with Barry Windham. That was the guy who built the division.

Does that guy, with all of his credibility to make the belt mean something, exist currently on the WWE roster? Yes he does. Now I know what you're thinking, and no I am not going to make Daniel Bryan drop down to junior heavyweight just to get this over. No, what I would like to do is do it with someone who is in a bit of a holding pattern at the moment, the sort of guy who might very well relish a chance like this. Would you like an introduction?


Now, Dolph can do this. He's a big enough star that if he professes a desire to be the Light Heavyweight Champion, linking it to the rich history that includes Tiger Mask, Dynamite Kid, and Rey Misterio Jr., that the fanbase might very well accept it as a thing worth paying attention to.

Will it work? Not sure. There might be too much damage and scar tissue. But should they try? Why not. Be the industry leader for once, and innovate instead of just talking about how cool you are on your TV shows all the time.

These fans are just the same as every other fan Photo Credit: WWE.com

The term "mark," like most of wrestling slang, comes from the carny origins of professional wrestling. It was secret jargon that the wrestlers could use to talk without betraying the worked nature of their matches. A mark is someone who believes that wrestling is real. The word also has origins in confidence games (cons, if you will), where the word signifies the target. In actuality, the two aren't too different from each other. The wrestlers are trying to trick someone into believing a match is real, while the con artist is trying to trick someone into giving them money. Frankly, the wrestlers are in the same game, but with entertainment, instead of out and out fraud. Rooted in the term itself is an implication of deception. A mark is someone who has become immersed in the fictional storytelling, enough to believe it's true. That is the goal of most fiction, but only in wrestling is the term for a person like this used with derision. This term lies near the heart of the love/hate relationship wrestling has with its fans, and there is no reason for its continued use.

The term is almost exclusively used as antagonistic, as it's used as an othering technique. It separates those of us who are "smart" from those who are not. When a fan uses the phrase "I marked out", it is almost a shameful confession, almost that they are ashamed of becoming immersed in the storytelling. They are saying, "I felt like it was real." In almost all other fiction, no one is ashamed if they feel for the characters, when they're drawn into the story. The hardcore fan has even birthed a variation on the term, the "smart mark", someone who is not a wrestler, but knows that it's scripted. The core of this problem is the chip on the shoulder of the average wrestling fan constantly trying to defend the "fake" nature of wrestling. It is in the odd position of being a work of fiction that portrayed itself as real athletic competition for a long, long time, and still is such a unique art form that it blurs the line, often purposefully.

At its core, the term creates an implication that good wrestling, that if it works, it's telling us that we are dumb, that we are naive, that we are gullible. It perverts the goals of good fiction, and manipulates the fans into apathy. When there is a correlation between enjoying the art for what it is and being a fool, how can there be an expectation of anything but cynicism?

Finally, the term obscures criticism of the storytelling. Anyone who's a mark couldn't possibly understand the reasons why certain creative decisions were made, and aren't qualified to make those judgments. They "think it's real". This is a ludicrous designation, and we're finally getting to a point of wrestling journalism that allows for real criticism. Critics of any kind of fiction are often held in disregard by practitioners of the art, but rarely does it go to the lengths that wrestling companies and wrestlers do in smearing them. Fans of your art form shouldn't be considered dumb for buying into the fiction. They should be treasured. Creative choices are an interesting part of wrestling, and encouraging a dialogue about them is beneficial, not dangerous.

The term mark creates distance between the wrestlers and the fans, and creates a divide among the fans. It is an artifact of a legacy of deception that is no longer necessary, and only propagates the antagonism present between wrestling and its fandom. It's insulting to fans. We need to get past the shame of belief, of immersion. We need to allow for honest criticism. We need to abolish the mark.

Unlikely friends are still friends Photo Credit: WWE.com

I moved on the weekend, which is why this report is late, and some of you may be wondering why I am even bothering. After all, the Smackdown before a pay-per-view tends to be a snoozefest anyway, and by the time this post goes up both Money in the Bank AND Raw will have already taken place. However, I have a sacred duty to FRIENDSHIP to perform, and nothing shall deter me!

One positive outcome of this post being late is that I get to wish you all a happy Canada Day! Did you know that Canada was founded on July 1, 1867 for reasons that had nothing whatsoever to do with friendship? It's true! Canadians have somehow garnered a reputation for being friendly, but don't be fooled. Confederation happened for many reasons: to break political deadlock, to get a railway built, to release Britain from its financial responsibilities (though Britain sure does love, to this day, to have us in the Commonwealth. It doesn't actually give a fuck about us.) etc. However, friendship was nowhere in sight, and to this day friendship remains the scarcest Canadian resource. This is why you should all appreciate these reviews. In writing them, I am flagrantly flouting my country's motto: Friendship Sucks.

Oh, right. Smackdown. * ahem *

Worst Friend—Jack Swagger
Well, maybe “friend” isn't the correct contextual term here. Worst co-worker is probably more accurate. Dean Ambrose and Bad News Barrett had an enjoyable match that gave us a good start to Smackdown. I never expect much from the pre-pay-per-view shows, so this was a fun surprise. Unfortunately, the match was then overshadowed by what happened afterwards. Jack Swagger legitimately injured Barrett while tossing him into the barricade, and watching poor Barrett writhing in pain on the ground afterwards was not a pleasant experience. Pretty much everyone on the Internet has already commented on Swagger's actions and track record, so there's not much left for me to add. I'll just say that I hope Barrett can bounce back quickly and that Swagger makes some vast strides towards becoming the best friend and co-worker he can be.

Best Friend—Naomi
Naomi was on commentary during Paige and Cameron's match, and she stuck up for Cameron even while acknowledging that her friend's actions lately have been less than friendly. If your partner is pulling off a heel turn, it can be tough to remain an effective face. You don't want to condemn them too harshly, and therefore sound like a heel yourself, but you also don't want to say nothing, and therefore appear too passive. Naomi only had a very short time to talk, but she came off as good-natured, yet having a realistic appraisal of Cameron's faults. Naomi walked a fine line here and I think she pulled it off really well.

Side-note: I thought Cameron did good work after the match too - creating some friction between Paige and Naomi and then standing off to the side while visibly enjoying the results. This Funkadactyl feud could actually be really good if given more time.

In Need of New Friends—The Usos
The Usos showed up to offer support to Sheamus during his match against Bray Wyatt (another match that I really enjoyed). The problem is that the Usos just finished performing the exact same role for John Cena, and it's not doing them any favours. They can only react to what Harper and Rowan do in these situations, which means that they spend most of the time just...hanging out. I really like the Usos and I'm tired of them basically just serving as back-up for other people (yes, they do have their own beef with the Wyatts, but that has never been the main focus of these encounters). They are the tag team champions (at least, they are, to my knowledge, as I write this. I have not yet checked the Money in the Bank results) (Ed. Note: I can confirm they are still Tag Team Champions) and they should have their own stories. The interview that they did later in the show exhibited their charisma and ability to get the crowd behind them. Let's actually utilize these talents, shall we?

Sidenote: Stop trying to make “Uso Crazy” happen. It's not going to happen!

Should Be Friends-- Alberto del Rio and Antonio Cesaro
del Rio and Cesaro tagged together in a match against Rob van Dam and Dolph Ziggler, and I thought they worked really well together. They are both ridiculously good-looking non-Americans who are good at wrestling. If that's not a recipe for friendship, I don’t know what is. Of course, Cesaro shattered my illusions by attacking del Rio after the match, but he was probably just acting out because he missed Sheamus this week.

Should Not Be Friends Anymore—Rusev and Russia
Rusev had a match against Sin Cara that was unimportant and uninteresting even by Smackdown standards (though I think I'd like to see them actually face off for real) that led to another confrontation between Rusev and Big E Langston. Look, I like Big E and I like Rusev, but I am not liking this feud and I think a lot of it has to do with the patriotism of it all. It could just be because I'm not American, though, honestly, I'm not a very patriotic Canadian either. Lavish displays of nationalism make me break out in hives. However, lately Rusev himself has been getting lost in all the Russian rhetoric, as that's all Lana ever talks about (please note that I do NOT advocate for Rusev and Lana to not be friends anymore. Lana rules!) and I'm afraid it's hurting him. I think Big E and Rusev could have some really cool matches, but I would prefer it if we could lose the flag-waving.

Most Unexpected Friends—Kane and Randy Orton
Roman Reigns vs. Kane was a match that happened and I really wasn't paying much attention, sorry. The interesting bit happened after the match, when Randy Orton came out and then Kane seemed to suggest that he would be an ally to Orton in the coming ladder match. Except that none of it was verbal and Kane just started setting up a ladder, seemingly for no reason. The whole thing was unintentionally hilarious and I loved it. From Kane giving a demonstration of How To Properly Set Up a Ladder, to Orton's attempts to look intrigued (I love any time Orton has to act. “Detached befuddlement” is usually the resulting expression), to Orton slooooooooowly ascending the ladder while Kane held it (safety first, kids!), to Kane safely disposing of the ladder. Amazing. Thanks, guys, for unexpectedly giving me something interesting!