Quantcast
Channel: The Wrestling Blog
Viewing all 4899 articles
Browse latest View live

So, TNA Is Going to Japan for Its Biggest Show This Year

$
0
0
Interesting...
Graphics via ImpactWrestling.com
The latest in the Dixie Carter Series of Earth-Shaking Announcements Regarding TNA actually lived up to the normally empty hype behind such missives from the main TNA office. The company's landmark show, Bound for Glory, will emanate from legendary Korakuen Hall in Tokyo, Japan, on October 12. The announcement was made jointly by Carter and legendary wrestler and current WRESTLE-1 bigwig Keiji Mutoh, hinting at some crossover between the two companies. This event will mark the first non-foreign audience exclusive American wrestling pay-per-view to be held overseas since WWE ran SummerSlam '92 at Wembley Stadium in London. No other details have been released, but I would assume the show would be telecast on tape delay. Common logic dictates that in an Internet-driven instant results society, tape delay is the kiss of death. However, TNA's buyrates are not rumored to be all that great anyway, and having spoilers leak may actually entice people to buy the show at the last minute.

Regardless of details, having the flagship show in Japan is a risky move. However, TNA is long gone from being able to compete with WWE. Right now, it has to worry about not only Ring of Honor nipping at its heels, but also Global Force Wrestling emerging. Both companies have working relationships with New Japan Pro Wrestling, arguably the only wrestling promotion in the world on the same level as WWE in terms of ability to promote and funds available. From an artistic standpoint, however, this move is perhaps the best way for TNA to differentiate its biggest show of the year from the other PPV events. While the crowd won't be as raucous as it would have been had it been held in England, the possibility of The Great Muta, Tajiri, and other WRESTLE-1 talent spicing up the show that will presumably include the big BFG Series winner vs. TNA World Champion main event could make this show a can't-miss.

Wrestling Six Packs: Canada's Greatest Wrestling Contributions

$
0
0
Bret watches father Stu stretch a student in the Dungeon
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Today is Canada Day, the anniversary of the day in 1867 when the British Commonwealth granted America's sizable neighbor to the north her ability to autonomously function as a nation-state without nominally leaving the Empire. While the Great North is the butt of many jokes in terms of military history and popular culture, one place where it cannot be fucked with is in professional wrestling. Canada is full of rabid wrestling fans and has produced some of the finest shows, wrestlers, and moments in the history of the art. The following sixer will list, in my estimation, the six most magnificent things I've enjoyed in wrestling that are Canadian in origin.

1. The Hart Family

Stu and Helen Hart and their progeny have earned the moniker of first family of Canadian wrestling through decades of promotion and performance. While I don't know as much about Stu's early days as a wrestler or the Calgary territory before 1980, his name is revered enough for me to respect those contributions. But when his kids came of age and started to wrestle, the family name grew from a noble house in the Canadian West into a premiere dynasty. Bret is rightfully revered as one of the greatest technicians of all-time. Owen was one of the most naturally talented and easily charismatic men to grace a ring.

The other brothers like Bruce, Keith, and Smith maybe didn't make their marks stateside, but in their home country, they held down the fort. The family extended past bloodlines to include regular tag partners like Jim Neidhart, close friends as rivals like the British Bulldogs (one of which married into the family), and graduates of the infamous Hart Family Dungeon like Chris Jericho and Lance Storm. Sure, the genepool may be a bit diluted today thanks to Teddy, Nattie Neidhart, and Tyson Kidd, and the genealogy may have been pock-marked by tragedy starting with the despicable Montreal Screwjob, but the countless memories provided by the Harts and their extended family far outweigh any negatives brought on in any circumstance.

2. Kevin Steen and El Generico: Frenemies for Life

As a tag team, Kevin Steen and El Generico were outstanding, an A-plus addition to any card where they were booked. As enemies, however, they lit arenas on fire, carrying Ring of Honor when its title scene was bogged down by the exploits of Roderick Strong and Davey Richards, and elevating Pro Wrestling Guerrilla from awesome promotion to GOD STATUS. I don't know what it was about about the friends turned enemies turned friends that made anything they touched together turn to gold. Maybe Steen's asshole side complemented the ebullient likability that Generico exuded. Maybe Steen's ability to hit hard made the insane bumps that Generico took feel that much more bone-rattling. Or maybe they were just two friends who trusted each other completely and gave into whatever story they wanted to tell, whether as friends or foes.

All I know is that the only time I ever cried watching a non-Chikara related wrestling show (my favorite promotion gets me a bit too emotional at times) was at the end of DDT4 2013, when Steen and Generico embraced after their loss to the Young Bucks in the tournament final. As Sami Zayn, Generico has moved on, but their link may not be as broken as one might think. Steen is rumored to be getting signed to a WWE developmental deal soon, and the WWE audience is ready to experience what indie fans have already known about.

3. LuFisto and Her Heiress Apparent, Jewells Malone

It can be argued that the most hardcore wrestlers of the last decade were mostly women. Mickie Knuckles made her bones tangling with the men in IWA Mid-South. Rachel Summerlyn dove right into wrestling as a deathmatch competitor. But the most intense, craziest one of them all may have been Quebec's own LuFisto. What made her the best, and what continues to make her the best to be honest, is that for as intense as she is in the ring, she's never one to take herself too seriously. Her bubbly Super Hardcore Anime persona combined with the loving affection she showers on her inanimate life partner Pegaboo both belie her all-out warlike nature in the ring. I'm not sure how much she has left in the tank as she's already suffered a stroke and is wrestling on a bum knee. How she's able to wrestle at such a high capacity astounds me.

However, she has a fellow countrywoman waiting in the wings to join her now and ascend as the next in line in Jewells Malone. She's only burst onto the American scene recently thanks to turns in Women's Superstars Uncensored and Beyond Wrestling, but in her short time, she's established herself as one of the craziest wrestlers anywhere. Go watch her Uncensored Rules match against Knuckles at this year's Mutiny card. She stapled a dollar bill to Knuckles' sensitive area before taking a pumphandle bomb through a goddamn dollhouse. That kind of delicious craziness is welcome in my pro wrestling anytime.

4. In Your House: Canadian Stampede

WWE has a shortlist of pay-per-views/special events that could reasonably be argued as the greatest of all-time. WrestleManias X-7 and XXX both have the extra grandeur of being home runs on the biggest stage. Extreme Rules '12 may have been the most outstanding in terms of top-end matches, while Money in the Bank '11 had several seminal moments go down. But Canadian Stampede, the last of the two-hour In Your House events, felt like it was the first time WWE REALLY got the concept of stacking a card. Everyone talks about the main event for good reason. The hyper-nationalistic partisan crowd in Calgary provided a surreal backdrop for the overly moralistic Hart Foundation to play hero instead of villain. On the other side of the ring stood five men as disparate as could be. What other reason would bring Ken Shamrock, Goldust, the Road Warriors, and Steve Austin together other than a common foe?

Yet the match capped off a show that also included an overlooked gem in the excellent series of matches over a five year period between Triple H and Mankind/Mick Foley, a jaw-dropping exhibition between TAKA Michinoku and the Great Sasuke, and a perfectly cromulent HOSS FIGHT between Undertaker and Vader for the WWE Championship. In front of any American crowd, that show would have ruled, but the Canadian crowd elevated the show to GOD status just for how hot it was and how much of an eerie dynamic it gave the aforementioned main event.

5. Chris Jericho's List of 1004 Holds

Chris Jericho, in an attempt to one-up the Master of 1001 Holds Dean Malenko, came out with a list of the 1004 holds he himself knew on the March 30, 1998 episode of Monday Nitro. While he had established himself as a proficient in-ring general before in Japan, ECW, and prior WCW, this moment cemented him as the ALL-ENCOMPASSING GAWD OF RASSLIN that most fans would know him as for most of his career (Cool Dad Jericho stage in his most recent return notwithstanding). The reading was a blatant comedic spot that was meant to be served up for fodder on a show that at this point was still dominated by the melodramatic telling of As the (New) World (Order) Turns, but it turned out to be more memorable and longer lasting than anything that involved the nWo in the calendar year of 1998, at least in a positive light. Plus, he gave wrestling fans the world over an excuse to shout ARMBAR at random moments, created awesome move names that actually came to fruition like the moss-covered, three-handled family credenza, and gave him a chance to rehash the moment on RAW a few years back with his list of superstars he'd defeated.

6. The Quebecers' Theme Song

Words can't describe its awesomeness. Watch the damn video, nerds.

The Best Moves Ever: Knockout Punch

$
0
0
Punches are the most basic physical attack one can do in professional wrestling. Nearly everyone does one. Some like Jerry Lawler and Ricardo Rodriguez throw hands spectacularly. Most people are somewhere below those two, but somewhere ahead of Shane McMahon. But when a deliberately heavy-handed right cross comes from a ham hock-sized fist attached to the World's Largest Athlete, then yeah, I'll buy it as something special. Bonus points if the guy selling it is Heath Slater at WrestleMania XXVII.

What I'm Watching: The Motor City Machine Guns

$
0
0
The MCMGs are wrestling
Photo via IGN
As you may have seen from my Midnight Express article, I do enjoy a finely-honed tag team machine. And while the Midnights were as close to the perfect ideal of this as you might be able to find anywhere in the wrestling world, in recent memory, only one was good enough, and had enough chemistry, to make me think that what they were doing was more tribute, and less cosplay, to what the Midnights were doing. What the difference between tribute and cosplay to me is the difference between Davey Richards and Chris Benoit in regards to Dynamite Kid. Richards, at least on the indies, cosplayed as the Dynamite Kid. He did a lot of his moves, acted in a lot of the same ways, and was trying to mimic Tom Billington as much as possible. Meanwhile, Benoit paid tribute to his trainer. He never let you forget his heritage to Dynamite, but built his own style with his own signatures and chestnuts that he relied on.

It wasn't just that the Guns were inspired by Ikuto Hidaka and Minoru Fujita as much as they were by the Midnight Express. And it isn't just that they did a lot of their best work on the indies, where, if we're being perfectly honest, you have the freedom to experiment and try new things in a way that you just don't have even in TNA. It's that you believed, in an era where teams are largely two people together as opposed to two people thinking as one mind, that this was a team. They were invested in each other's successes, and wanted to win together.

But I'm not watching a wrestling match of theirs right now. There is too much good stuff out there on YouTube, and Dailymotion, and Vimeo. Instead I'm watching a highlight video of their most well-known feud, and a highlight video of them just putting in work. Enjoy, and seek more out. Wrestling like this is rare.



Your Midweek Links: Money in the Bank Fallout

$
0
0
All your MitB fallout and then some
Photo Credit: WWE.com
It's hump day, so here are some links to get you through the rest of the week:

Wrestling Links

- The Best and Worst of Money in the Bank 2014 [With Leather]

- WWE Money in the Bank 2014: What we learned [SB Nation]

- Bang for Your Buck PPV Review: Money in the Bank 2014 [Juice Make Sugar]

- The Wrestling Hipster: Ranking every Money in the Bank cash-in attempt [With Leather]

- Sexism within wrestling and problems we need to solve [Curtsies and Hand Grenades]

- In which Virgil tells the filthiest Andre the Giants story [Deadspin]

- The Quarterly Report - Wrestling Matches [Fighting Crime in the Streets]

- Is wrestling ___________? Abraham Lincoln [Juice Make Sugar]

- The Best and Worst of RAW: I'm the Marine, Dammit! [With Leather]

- This Is Progress: An interview with co-owner Jim Smallman [Voices of Wrestling]

- Ten Count: Defunct Wrestling Championships [Old School Jabronis]

- The Best and Worst of Impact Wrestling: Save a Horse, Chide a Cowboy [With Leather]

- TNA Impact Review (6/26) [Voices of Wrestling]

- I can't stop watching this hands-free chokeslam [Deadspin]

- Vintage Best and Worst: WWF In Your House Mind Games [With Leather]

Non-Wrestling Links:

- The fake politics of World Cup haters [SB Nation]

- How Muslim athletes deal with Ramadan [Screamer]

- The gross things caused by human bite wounds [Regressing]

- Why believing in astrology is not a harmless thing [io9]

- Why do NBA big men break down so much? [Regressing]

- Shovel Knight - the Kotaku review [Kotaku]

- Why Zelda II is the greatest Zelda game ever [Kevin Garcia]

- Three times video games took sexualization too far [Dorkly]

- Punch-Out!! screens with real Mike Tyson quotes [Screengrabber]

- Moms against Gaming is my new favorite Twitter account [Kotaku]

- 11 Game of Thrones/Song of Fire and Ice theories [UPROXX]

- Damon Lindelof is the perfect showrunner for The Leftovers [Warming Glow]

- 25 arbitrary pop culture facts NO ONE DENIES [Pajiba]

- Michael Bay's nine rules of filmmaking [Film Drunk]

- 25 of the best and worst television spinoffs [Flavorwire]

- Let's discuss the crappiest deaths in television history [Warming Glow]

- A treasury of real talk in Justice Ginsberg's Hobby Lobby dissent [Gawker]

- Why women aren't people (but corporations are) [Jezebel]

- Vice President Biden declares LGBT rights more important than cultural traditions [ROYGBIV]

- Shit people say to adult virgins [Groupthink]

- Watch Russell Brand break down a Fox News segment [UPROXX]

- Man vs. Food guy gets in trouble for being an Internet asshole [Foodspin]

- And the Valley Cooks: Spicy Andouille Grits with Crawfish Cream [And the Valley Shook]

- 11 things you didn't know you could eat [io9]

- Americans, it's time to eat haggis [Gawker]

- Some food critic actually tried Guy Fieri's cheesecake challenge [UPROXX]

- Newly discovered space rock could explain why life on Earth is booming [The Verge]

- Five Back to the Future II inventions on the verge of coming true [Gamma Squad]

- Why do so many sportswriters love Bruce Springsteen? [The Concourse]

- How two infamous ex-ESPNers benefited from a Bristol VIP's night out [Deadspin]

Big Heat's Hot Takes: A Good Time For Tag Teams

$
0
0
No time in WWE has been better for tag teams thanks to the Usos and their counterparts
Photo Credit: WWE.com
With Money In The Bank behind us on the Road to SummerSlam, it's worth noting that the card featured not one, not two, not three, but four multi-man matches. Of course the main focus was on the two ladder matches, which saw a combined 14 upper mid-carders and main eventers vying for a world championship opportunity. But there were also two tag team matches on the card, featuring actual tag teams that have been together for extended runs.

Somewhere on his way to the Impact Zone, Teddy Long is doing a happy dance. 

With this focus on tag teams, it's clear that the division is the strongest it's been in some time - at least since the tag titles have been represented by the giant pennies, and maybe even since the glory days of The Hardy Boyz/Dudley Boyz/Edge and Christian. The reason for this strength is twofold: quantity and variety. 

Look at all the tag teams active right now in WWE - and I mean tag teams, not "John Cena and Roman Reigns are teaming up against Kane and Randy Orton" tag teams. At the top of the heap is The Usos followed by - I'll say in order - Luke Harper and Erick Rowan, The Brothers Dust, Rybaxel, and Los Matadores (currently shelved due to an injury to Diego). Worst case, we can pull Zack Ryder out of catering to reform Team CoBro with Santino, if the whole Emma thing finally runs its course. 

That's five tag teams in WWE already in existence, with the possibility of another. When was the last time there were five solid tag teams around at the same time? Go ahead and tell me. Ha! You can't, because this is the golden age of tag team wrestling in WWE. Back when the Hardyz, Dudleys, and Edge and Christian ruled the tag division, it was really just those three teams trading the titles back and forth, with no other major teams getting involved. Even when WWE bought out WCW and ECW and had a huge influx of talent, were there ever more than three or four tag teams?

What about variety? Remember those days of crazy TLC tag matches, how the Hardyz were Team Extreme, and the Dudleyz were EXTREME, and Edge and Christian were Extreme...ly entertaining? Sure, you had a little variety of styles, but all three teams were basically the same. But today? The Usos turned their last name into a catchphrase, painted half their faces, and now literally fly across the arena. Harper and Rowan are backwoods cult members who look like they don't shower, and one of them wears a sheep mask. Now that Cody Rhodes has transformed into Stardust, The Rhodes Brothers are just Goldust Squared - not a bad thing, mind you. Rybaxel are a couple of schoolyard bullies - one of them runs his mouth and always sounds stupid, but the other one will literally tear you apart. And Los Matadores have a little bull! HE'S TWERKIN', MAGGLE!

With the amount of teams in the division, coupled with the unique characters portrayed by the members of each team, we've reached a zenith of sorts, and there's nowhere to go but down. There really isn't a whole lot to improve on in the tag division, folks. 

Well, as long as randomly thrown together tag teams aren't given the spotlight over well-established groups like these. Like the main event on Raw, or the classic Teddy Long "FOUR PEOPLE IN THE RING MAKE A TAG MATCH" match. But that would never happen, right?

The Extent of Wade Barrett's Injury Revealed

$
0
0
Bad News for Bad News
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Via WWE.com

RED BELLY Wade Barrett underwent shoulder surgery Tuesday to repair an injury suffered a week prior at Smackdown tapings. His shoulder separated after being thrown into the guardrail by Jack Swagger. His surgical procedures included a ligament reconstruction in his shoulder as well as a "distal clavicle resection" which was described in the article as having the end of his collarbone shaved off. The report does not list a timetable for his return, but the folks over at The Steel Cage podcast did some research and estimated a minimum of three months recovery time will be needed before Barrett can resume giving bad news to WWE.

The injury and lost time comes at an absolutely rotten time for Barrett, whom I thought was a dark horse candidate to win the Money in the Bank briefcase this past Sunday. Obviously, the way the booking panned out suggested the prize was Seth Rollins' to win all along. However, Barrett's upward momentum as Intercontinental Champion and apparent hired muscle for The Authority could not be overstated. I hope he recovers and is able to stay healthy for an extended period. This dude deserves not to be so snakebitten his entire career.

Dispatches from the Lake: Freelance Wrestling

$
0
0
An intimate venue for a debut show
Photo via Freelance Wrestling Facebook Page
Is there anything more disappointing than a '90s cover band called Destination Unknown that doesn’t play "How Bizarre?" They played "Ruby Soho," which is totally where they got their name from, but come on, guys. You can’t hit me with that OMC 1996 classic? What the hell?

You might be asking yourself after that first paragraph, why are you writing about some random cover band on a wrestling blog? Well, jerk, if you’d let me continue, I’ll tell you! Destination Unknown was the official band/Greek chorus/luchador-fighter-offers for Freelance Wrestling’s show, The Rebellion: Chapter One at the Abbey Pub in Chicago.

I met up with my buddy, Eric (he of new Chikara fan fame), and a co-worker of his who had let us both know about the event. After a quick bite at the bar, we moved over into the very hot concert space. The wrestling ring barely fit in there, but that added to the charm of the evening. There was a quasi-balcony, which we were certain someone would be leaping off of at some point. After a woman came by with split-the-pot tickets, a besuited man stepped into the ring with a microphone. I missed his name because I am the worst.

The well-dressed man welcomed us to the show and told us that all the matches were no disqualification. We were also told since there were no children around, we were able to swear. What? Yeah. I’m an adult in a bar. I figured that swearing was allowed here. I’m not 12 years old in the outfield during softball practice swearing into my glove about not getting to play first base. No one is going to yell at me for swearing here. Personally, I took this as a shot at Chikara, which had been in town last week. Way to start in the hole, Freelance Wrestling.

But pot shots aside, what followed made me forget about that nonsense immediately. A manager, Kevin Kellam, came out to berate us for being poor and disgusting. He proclaimed his family owned twelve McDonalds franchises in the area, and every time we ate a McDouble, he bought a Ferrari. It was just outstanding. He introduced his team, Alex Ohlson, Matt Star, and Ox Baker Jr, who were destined for a murderous beat down at the hands of their opponents, the Viking War Party.

The Viking War Party is exactly what you’d expect - two huge, hairy dudes, and their smaller, horned-helmet wearing buddy. (Ed. Note: Sounds a lot like one of my favorite Sega Genesis games growing up, Lost Vikings.) They stormed into the hall, flinging chairs out of their way and beating their chains against the ring. The match was short with the Vikings isolating Ohlson and then caving in his chest with a backbreaker double stomp triple team move. I say caved in his chest, because it totally looked like they put a concave dent where his sternum would have been. The Vikings didn’t stop at the bell. They beat the rest of the team out of the ring, took a few shots at Kellam, then hit Ohlson with a backstabber for good measure.

After the match, the band chirped in, as they would during the rest of the proceedings. The lead singer assured us that Kellam was an asshole before launching into a four song alternative '90s set. I thought it was a bit weird to get your audience amped after one match then throw it to the band for twenty minutes, but that’s just me. I think it’s an interesting idea to use the band as a cool down between intense matches, but maybe only have them play two songs instead of four.

Next match was a four way dance between Craig Mitchell, Bolt Brady, Bryce Benjamin, and Acid Jazz. This one was a bit weird, because it kind of devolved into a tag match in the middle, then swung back to a four way. Benjamin and Jazz teamed up against Mitchell with Brady refusing to participate. Benjamin and Jazz eventually turned their attention to Brady after dispatching Mitchell. The match was solid, but I not my favorite of the night. Mitchell doing a standing back flip was pretty impressive, as he is not a small man. Benjamin ended up winning the match with a splash from the balcony.

At some point during that last match, the Vikings came out to chug some beer and cheer on the other wrestlers. They would hang out at the bar for the rest of the evening.

The match for the Juggalo Championship Wrestling Tag Team Championships was next. The Hooligans, two short, hairy, huge guys held the straps, and Two Bad Ass Bitches (Melanie Cruise and Jordynne Grace) would battle them. While there were one too many derogatory slurs and requests for oral sex during this match, I thought it turned out pretty well. Cruise towered over both of the Hooligans, taunting them by holding her hands up high for a test of strength. After Grace flew outside the ring and both the Hooligans executed ridiculous flips, the Champs took solid hold of the match. Huge guys doing flips will always be the greatest thing ever. They isolated Grace and beat the hell out of her. She eventually got back to Cruise for the hot tag, but the Champs immediately tagged to negate it. Grace ate the Hooligans' weird-looking finisher for the win.

Destination Unknown returned to play the ska section of their program. They got to "Peaches" by the Presidents of the United States of America, (which I don’t consider ska, but I know next to nothing about music) when three luchadores appeared for no reason. They tried to attack the lead singer of the band, but he managed to fight them off with the power of his rock. This will never be mentioned again.

Next on the card was Kenny Sutra verses Marvelous Matt Knicks. Knicks came out to "Party Hard" by Andrew WK. He could have stood in the ring only throwing overhead chops, and I still would have loved him. This was also the only match that really took advantage of the no disqualification rule. They started out with some technical mat wrestling early before building to the more brutal stuff later in the match. Sutra ramped up to the violence by sending Knicks to the floor with a huricanrana. Knicks fought from underneath the entire match. He couldn’t seem to get an advantage, until he flung Sutra into a chair in the corner. He set up a two chairs and tried for a senton on Sutra, but Sutra moved, and Knicks died. Sutra grabbed the win after slamming Knicks’ head into another chair. He wailed on Knicks a bit after the match before flipping us off for booing, and then leaving.

Ruff Crossing vs. "Big C" Chris Castro was our main event. Crossing came to the ring with a mystique somewhere between JBL during his Blackjacks period and the Undertaker. He brought a bull rope with a cow bell on it to the ring. Cue the obvious, and totally not old, cowbell jokes. They started out with tests of strength and reversals. Crossing had the early advantage, and took any chance he could to jaw jack with Castro and the crowd. He got a hold of his bull rope at one point and started whipping and choking Castro with it. Castro managed to fight out of that, and they led into a finger pulling spot, which led to a fart joke. Meh. Castro used his noxious gases to stagger Crossing, and got him up in an airplane spin. He slammed Crossing back to the matt before going to the top rope. He missed with a cross body.

Crossing locked Castro in a nerve hold before Castro started trying to fight back again. In the corner, Crossing reasserts his dominance and hits Castro with a second rope suplex, then a frog splash. Impressively, Castro kicks out then hits Crossing with a jawbreaker. Crossing absolutely NAILED Castro with a lariat, but couldn't keep Castro down. Castro pulled out the win after hitting Crossing with double underhook piledriver. As Castro celebrated his win, Kenny Sutra attacked him with a chair. Knicks came out to make the save, and then celebrated in the ring with Castro.

Overall, I enjoyed the show. Freelance Wrestling seemed to be laying some ground work for future storylines. They had some colorful characters, Kellam being a highlight, and fun, engaging wrestling all around. I liked that they treated the women as equals. The bad guys were extra evil, and the good guys had that little extra energy that really got us going. Also, Andrew WK. I’ve got a bunch of new wrestlers on my ‘learn more about’ list, which is always a good thing. I haven’t heard anything about the show being on DVD, but they were recording so I would expect an announcement about that soon. If you’re in Chicago next time they run a show, I’d definitely recommend checking it out. Keep an eye on their Twitter @FreelanceWres and Facebook for future show dates.

Emma Fired and Rehired in a Matter of Hours

$
0
0
Emma was almost done in by a misunderstanding at Wal*Mart of all places
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Emma has had a strange 72 hours. On Monday, before RAW, she was picked up by the Hartford police for shoplifting. While using the self-checkout at Wal*Mart, she inadvertently put a $20 iPad case into her shopping bag without scanning it. She was arrested and detained, missing RAW (presumably as part of the ghastly Santino Marella and Adam Rose shillfest for shitty, sweet-tasting alcohol). While the arrest was over nothing more than a misunderstanding at worst and a malfunction of Wal*Mart equipment at best, she became the butt of several lame attempts at humor on Twitter and across other media everywhere. I guess that kind of reaction comes with the territory. If that barrage wasn't bad enough, she had her mugshot plastered all over the Internet courtesy of TMZ.

Then, yesterday, the bomb dropped that WWE released her, which set off a firestorm of shock. How could she be released for what amounted to a misunderstanding that would have cost the country's biggest labor violator a mere $20 out of the millions of dollars of revenue it pulls in in aggregate an hour while the staggering list of wrestlers who got DUIs while employed were kept on the roster? Something wasn't adding up with the release. Some speculated that she was a victim of her work visa getting revoked due to the incident; she copped a plea and was sentenced (to a day of community service, but still, it's a sentence), so it's on the books. However, wrestling-writer-about-town David Bixenspan contacted the Hartford Police Department and confirmed the issue wasn't going to affect her visa.

The next possible culprit was that she was an easy target to be trimmed due to budgetary concerns the company is facing in the wake of its rough sailing launching The WWE Network. The counter would be that her salary couldn't have been that great due to her status as an entry-level main roster member who happens to be the wrong gender for making the big bucks. Of course, reasons are reasons, and it's easier to justify rash moves citing her lack of "drawing power" when you as a company have undeniable institutional sexism built into your infrastructure.

Just when the angry mobs were being built into their peak froth, WWE posted a story stating that Emma was reinstated, but that she'll face repercussions for running afoul of the law. I don't know what said remediation will be, or whether or not it'll be public. But it seems clear that something happened for WWE to reverse field in such a short time. Whether it was the angry backlash on Twitter (note: it probably wasn't the Twitter backlash), the result of a turning point in a rumored backstage power struggle between Kevin Dunn and Triple H, or the TMZ story running with a headline that made WWE's decision seem rash and uncompassionate, Emma got her job back and ended the day just as she began it, as a WWE employee.

Wrestling has had its share of weird stories over the years, so much so that this Emma fiasco may not even crack the top ten of strangest thing ever to happen within the confines of any given wrestling company. However, it just goes to show that even when the veils of kayfabe are lifted, you shouldn't really believe fully anything you see or that is presented to you. Wrestling is just that fucked up an industry.

Twitter Request Line, Vol. 83

$
0
0
Cuije was the best Mexico had to offer Chikara
Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein
It's Twitter Request Line time, everyone! I take to Twitter to get questions about issues in wrestling, past and present, and answer them on here because 140 characters can't restrain me, fool! If you don't know already, follow me @tholzerman, and wait for the call on Wednesday to ask your questions. Hash-tag your questions #TweetBag, and look for the bag to drop Thursday morning. Without further ado, here are your questions and my answers!
You know the unadulterated joy I (and many other WWE fans) feel when El Torito comes on screen on RAW or Smackdown? I felt that for nearly an entire King of Trios weekend in 2010 with the addition of Perros del Mal to the show. Cuije was one of the stars of the weekend, doing things that Torito would do with the big guys years later. His run culminated by getting squashed by Tursas on Night Two, which was built by his derring-do beforehand.

Speaking of Torito, he did appear for Chikara under his prior name, Mascarita Dorada. His opponent during his two-show run, Pierrothito, was my least favorite luchador import into Chikara. The match they had at Young Lions Cup Night Three was disappointing, and the blame, at least to my eyes, felt like it belonged to Pierrothito. I thought he looked sluggish and struggled to keep up with Dorada. He was a rare miss of a guest star, no matter what the nationality.

WWE has been snakebitten with its titles this year, hasn't it? I shed no tears for the company, because it constantly digs its own holes despite dwarfing every other American company with the resources available. For it to book a battle royale for a secondary Championship only two months after it put the other secondary Champ in the same match feels lazy at the very least. The problem with the other obvious option, a single-elimination tournament, was that it was JUST utilized to name a contender to that title. However, a third option is available, and it's timely thanks to the World Cup.

A round robin tournament of two groups of four wrestlers with the winners of the groups facing off at Battleground would have been something different for WWE. The concept has been proven to work in other promotions (Chikara and TNA in particular in the US, New Japan Pro Wrestling abroad). One group wrestles its matches on RAW, the other on Smackdown. Or hey, maybe WWE could have spread the matches across the WIDE BERTH OF PROGRAMMING it has available. Want people to stick around after NXT on The Network? Throw a couple of matches on Superstars! The option was right there, and it had the opportunity for JBL's extraneous other-sport references to be topical. This company, sometimes...

I'm going to set the number of competitors at seven. The original six-man lineup feels too small, but anything over seven gets a bit too bloated. First, give me the two guys who invented crazy-violence on pay-per-view (or at least closed-circuit TV events), Greg "The Hammer" Valentine and "Rowdy" Roddy Piper. Valentine would use the ladders to beat the tar out of everyone else, while Piper has the frenetic energy. Dean Ambrose in Sunday's briefcase match is a good portent for what Piper would bring to the table. Next up, give me Satoru Sayama, the original Tiger Mask. He's the INSANE highspot guy, well, the insane highspot guy who inspired the exponential increase in high risk offense since he and Dynamite Kid blew it up in the early '80s.

Fourth guy in is the fish-out-of-water hoss who looks silly climbing the ladder but brings the thunder, Andre the Giant. I imagine him coming up to one of the climbers who thinks he's got that briefcase in hand and then chopping him off the ladder with little effort. Fifth entrant is the babyface energy guy, Junkyard Dog. He's the sentimental favorite to win and the guy who fires the crowd up with a big rally somewhere towards the end of the match. The sixth one in would be Tully Blanchard working as the heel heir apparent and the one who would be most likely to have backup in case he needed it. Whether it be Baby Doll sacrificing herself or acting as a distraction or Arn Anderson coming down to enforce, he'd always have a plan b going.

Finally, the last guy in would be the golden child, the next big thing, the one who is next in line to be THE MAN... Magnum TA. Granted, he's not the typical briefcase winner holding fast to the WWE pattern. Usually, the contract is given to the sneakiest bastard in the room, one who'd thrive on the opportunity. But I'd still book Magnum to win this match, preferably knocking Blanchard off the other side after breaking through of Anderson's grip. And then he would cash in the briefcase nobly and beat Ric Flair or Hulk Hogan clean as a whistle for whatever title he happened to be going for.

Pettengill wasn't bad at all. He was cheesy, sure, and he had too much of that New York shine to him that even longtime fans of the WWF may have hated. However, he had tremendous chemistry with Randy Savage on that studio show that aired on Saturday morning, and he had an almost unassuming goofiness to him that worked in a pro wrestling environment.

Now, Booker T's style of speech is bombastic, passionate, and prone to comparisons that may or may not make sense. Those things are positives when it comes to cutting promos, but as an announcer? He's not getting the job done. The only announcer in modern WWE who's more annoying than Booker is JBL, who is awful for a lot of the same reasons as Book.

The thing about an all-encompassing Champion of the Indies is that more egos are involved today than ever were with the old school NWA. While you get promotions working together on a regular basis, those partnerships often are small and only include two or three companies tops. Trying to get "every" indie company in America to agree on a governing body would be nightmarish, especially since any town/area with more than one prominent indie is bound to have rivalries. On a national scale, Ring of Honor and Dragon Gate USA/EVOLVE are engaged in an immortal pissing contest which has implications everywhere their respective wrestlers co-mingle. Central Texas has seen Anarchy Championship Wrestling at odds with River City Wrestling in the past. I'm not entirely sure what ACW's relationship with Inspire Pro Wrestling is, but I get the feeling it's not good. Anarchy Wrestling in Cornelia, GA has a local beef with another promotion in town.

If those fires are rampant, how will a single governing body be able to take literally thousands of indies in the country and get them to agree on one wrestler or who gets to face said wrestler? Furthermore, how far down the hierarchy do you go? Who gets represented where? How is everything organized? Hell, a lot of these companies have problems promoting themselves. How will they organize and synchronize?

And the NWA Championship right now can't be in play. The way Bruce Tharpe has SCORCHED the earth in his tenure as head bee guy with the governing body precludes it from being representative of anything except the promotions already under its purview. That statement isn't to say that the NWA is bad right now. It overlooks a lot of really good promotions in Texas and Tennessee, for example. However, asking promotions like the ones banding together under that United Wrestling Television body headed by David Marquez to go back under the NWA blanket would be like asking India, South Africa, and other former holdings of The British Crown to help the Sun rise once more on the ol' Empire. It's just not going to be met with friendliness.

I honestly don't know at this point. Both guys are fundamentally sound on the mat, show main event intensity, and have a certain panache that may not show too much in their matches right now (by design, perhaps) but can be developed. Busick might have a red flag with his knee being as fucked up as it is. It sounds pretty recursive to say that WWE would shy away from him because of his knee injuries when it's the only wrestling company where he could work that WOULD be able to properly rehab said knee, but reality is strange.

However, a different question needs to be asked. Would the collective indie fanbase want Busick and Gulak to be signed into WWE? On one hand, guys everyone knows and loves getting paid real money for their craft is the best possible result. Right now, the only way they can get that money is either in WWE or by taking tours of the bigger Japanese promotions. But on the other hand, why would fans be rooting for the corporate entity to strip-mine the indies, the one place where wrestlers have great artistic freedom to perform in ways they can't in the big time? The response to that question is that WWE isn't exactly a place where the art INSIDE of the ring gets stifled. Busick and Gulak could have similar matches against each other in the 20x20 ring on weekly TV that they have in smaller squared circles in front of live crowds.

Still, some talent has to remain on the indie level in order for the ecosystem to thrive. Maybe both Gulak and Busick will get their chances in WWE, but right now, they kinda have to be the flagbearers for the indies, just as they were the up-and-comers while Jon Moxley, Tyler Black, El Generico, and Sami Callihan were making their big runs before getting signed. Time is a flat circle.

Assuming the move done isn't botched and doesn't paralyze or kill me, the one move with the greatest potential for peak pain would be any kind of front chest bump into a harder surface. The potential for a cracked rib is just too scary for me. I don't want an injury that makes me feel pain when I breathe. As for the most pain on average, I'll probably go with the powerbomb. Direct impact on the neck might look the most gnarly, but taking the guided-force flat back bump to the canvas and getting whiplash on my neck doesn't sound too enticing. The back trauma isn't too much of a mitigating circumstance, either.

Not only was he a multiple time World Champion, he won the titles in BOTH major companies TWICE apiece. Sid is the ultimate proof that sometimes, wrestling promoters are the dumbest dumbshit people on the face of planet Earth.

On one hand, the Bad News Barrett character has caught fire. Fans are really into it, and WWE seemed to have followed the overness with an appropriate push. With that in mind, he should obviously pick up where he left off and move onto the big, good things that come with being a bona fide WWE main event superstar. On the other, this instance is the second time that he got hurt in the middle of a good-faith push up the roster. Vince McMahon hates sickness, and if you get hurt too many times on his watch, he seems to lose favor with you. Ask Dolph Ziggler how coming back from a big injury helped him last year. So to answer your question, I have no fucking idea. Hopefully, WWE picks up where it left off, because Barrett was finally coming into his own.

For starters, I would love to be asked how my day was. AND WOULD IT KILL YOU TO COMPLIMENT MY HAIR EVERY ONCE IN AWHILE! I COOK AND I CLEAN AND I SLAVE... uh, I mean, hi?

The only answer to this question is Brock Lesnar. He's the designated relief pitcher who comes in and beans the shit out of the other teams' best player in an attempt at getting him to charge the mound. Once that happens, ALL BETS ARE OFF. F5 FOR YASIEL PUIG. F5 FOR MIKE TROUT. F5 FOR BRYCE HARPER AND JUSTIN UPTON AND MIGUEL CABRERA AND JOSH DONALDSON AND FUCK ANOTHER F5 FOR THE UNDERTAKER FOR GOOD MEASURE.

I'm a bit too optimistic about the Eagles right now coming off last year's high, but I'm not sure the defense was improved enough. I've got high hopes for Marcus Smith, but will he provide enough of a spark to the pass rush? Will Brandon Graham step up? Will they let Vinny Curry on the field for more than a couple of snaps a game? I don't know. But ever the pessimist, I see the NFC East shaking out like this:

1. Giants 9-7
2. Eagles 8-8
3. Washington 5-11
4. Cowboys 3-13

The Cowboys prediction is admittedly a bit due to my throbbing hate-boner I sport for them, but in all fairness, that defense looks like a goddamn mess. The team is looking at Rolando McClain to replace Sean Lee, and I'm not sure that move will work out for them. Their secondary stinks, and their pass rush may be lacking something without DeMarcus Ware, even if he only got on the field for half the season the last few years. But yeah, I think this year might see some Giants Devil Magic going and a bit of regression from Chip Kelly's offense. I hope I'm wrong though.

I've only seen the Jay Freddie match from the Feeding Frenzy secret show back in February, but man, that match was so frenetic and fun that I only want to see more of him. I've heard some discouraging things about his proclivity to emulate Davey Richards, but based off that one match against Freddie, I'm willing to dive in and see what's going on for real with this guy.

Taking the words at face value, I'm disappointed. I haven't read the books, but my wife has. She says Lady Stoneheart is kind of a badass, so of course I'm down. Plus, any plot device that gives me hope that House Stark will come back and kick everyone's ass for how shitty it has been treated the ENTIRE series is way cool with me. Then again, maybe I don't wanna see Undead Cat Stark fucking people up as much as my body is ready for Arya Stark to become a remorseless pre-teen killing machine. I don't know what it says about me that I hope she gets to slit some major throats going forward, especially Lannister, Frey, and Bolton throats, but here I am with my cards laid bare OH PLEASE GIVE ME ARYA STARK BRINGER OF DEATH.

Even though the origin of the rumor is nastily homophobic, I still think the best runaway imagination conspiracy theory is that Tommy Rich blew Jim Barnett to get his reign with the NWA World Championship. I understand being upset that a fantastic Champion in Harley Race lost the belt in abrupt fashion to a relatively cold challenger, but man, whoever started that rumor must have had some real damage to associate that kind of trickery to a taboo sex act. For that matter, how presumptive does one have to be to assume only one singular sex act is enough to get what was then the biggest prize in pro wrestling? It's a theory that's so offensive and so offensively absurd that I can't help but be fascinated by it.

MISSILE ASSAULT ANT!

Well, I wrote about the hilarity of the situation earlier today. I'll leave the hand-wringing to someone else, mainly because no matter how badly I feel about drunk driving, I feel that much worse about calling for people's jobs, especially when the targets are low hanging fruit like Swagger or Cameron. Conversely, I do find that WWE's treatment of DUI violators to be laughable, even if it seems to be in-line with all the other major legitimate sports. Tony LaRussa was pretty much stopped while he was asleep at a traffic light with a bottle of wine opened in his vehicle, and Major League Baseball didn't suspend him. Meanwhile, Alex Rodriguez was hit with a ban outside the scope of the Major League drug policy for zero positive tests. I just don't get it.

Everyone needs to get strict on drunk driving, whether it be on the shitheads no one likes like Cameron or the big stars like Big Show or well-liked folks like Kaitlyn. Driving while impaired isn't a mistake; it's reckless endangerment of life, health, and property. Any time someone operates a multiple-ton piece of complex machinery with combustible parts while under heavy influence of alcohol, they are in danger of ending someone's life. I wouldn't want that juju on my conscience, whether as the perpetrator of the act or as the parent company who enabled such actions in the first place.

The robe is cool, but I think the eyepatch is even cooler. Cesaro legitimately looks like Sagat from Street Fighter II now. He should totally tape up his wrists and ankles, wrestle barefoot in board shorts, and add in TIGER UPPERCUT to his arsenal. WWE has a lot of corporate lawyers to stave off the lawsuits from Capcom for awhile!

First, I would have Trips blatantly screw Reigns out of the four way match at Battleground. Because fatal four ways have no disqualification, Trips could go in, Pedigree Reigns on a chair or the steps, and give his hired goon squad a two-on-one chance to take out John Cena. Of course, Cena would overcome the odds, but that bit is irrelevant to this story. In an attempt to end Reigns once and for all, Trips would throw his goon squad at him at SummerSlam in the form of a no disqualification match vs. Randy Orton with Kane as the special guest enforcer. After Reigns handily dispatches both of them, Trips would move from "HATEHATEHATE" to "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em." He would aggressively start courting Reigns to the point where he would put him in favorable situations in big time matches. Reigns would get secondary title shots out of the blue. Referees would intentionally look the other way after Trips would slide him a weapon. Trips would really lay it on thick. Finally, Trips gives him the ultimate star treatment, a title shot at Hell in a Cell against Brock Lesnar in a lumberjack match where all the wrestlers on the outside of the ring have been in the employ of The Authority in some way over the last year: Orton, Kane, Seth Rollins, Bad News Barrett (assuming he's healthy), Fandango, Heath Slater, even select NXT rudos (further establishing the link between Triple H and the developmental territory).

Reigns would struggle against Lesnar as most wrestlers would be wont to do, but he would keep fighting. The lumberjacks would keep harassing Lesnar, keeping it close when things look like they would get out of hand for Reigns. Finally, Lesnar gets Reigns up into the F5, which causes the cavalry to jump in. Lesnar fights most of them off, but he falls victim to a curb stomp from Rollins, a RKO from Orton, and finally, a Pedigree from Triple H. Reigns, however, doesn't pin Lesnar, but starts throwing spears at any one of his "allies" still standing, because he doesn't want to win that way. After spearing Rollins and Orton, he gets caught in a Pedigree from Trips and a F5 from Lesnar before he falls. In the aftermath, both Trips and Reigns are clawing at the chance to face off against each other, and boom, you now have a secondary drawing match at Survivor Series to whomever WWE decides to throw at Lesnar, whether Daniel Bryan, Cena, Cesaro, or even Batista.

To be honest, anyone can have an interesting feud with del Rio. The problem has never been that he's a misfit with anyone on the roster. He's one of the most fearless bumpers and is adaptable to any opponent. The booking, however, has never done him any favors. Ever since John Cena broke kayfabe on his luxury cars, his crowd reactions have never been the same, almost like he was slapped with a big DO NOT TAKE SERIOUSLY sticker on his forehead. Then, afterwards, all his feuds seemed to have the same sort of "haha, look at this fake dude" feel. I mean, if the babyface in the feud never loses and then tries to get heat by shitting in the heel's car, would you take that feud seriously, no matter how good the matches were? del Rio was certainly not helped further by his painful loop cycle when he wasn't engaged in a main feud, i.e. plucky babyface underdog beats him in a fluky manner one week, and then del Rio gets his heat back by kicking the everloving shit out of him the next as a capper on the mini-cycle.

The good news for the man is that he's probably not long for WWE anymore. When his contract lets up, he's been rumored to want to go back to Mexico, and I think that would be the best for everyone involved. del Rio now stands as one of WWE's biggest missed opportunities and one of the most shining emblematic failures of how WWE books wrestlers who aren't John Cena week to week.

It's weird, I hear all kinds of stories about how wrestling around the holidays has such tradition, and yet the only holiday I can remember being associated intrinsically with the art is Thanksgiving. Maybe that impression was left on me as a post-territory wrestling fan of the WWF. Still, Independence Day certainly has left its imprimatur on wrestling because most wrestling companies skew patriotically to the right, although to be honest, I didn't even remember that Michaels turned on Hogan on July 4th until you reminded me. Either way, I'd say in the hierarchy of holidays, the Fourth of July ranks pretty high. I'd still say Thanksgiving is tops with Starrcade, Survivor Series, and a few other territories having their traditional supercards associated with the fourth Thursday in November. Halloween probably is second strictly because of WCW's Halloween Havoc. Then Independence Day is the leader of the pack in terms of the rest of the holidays, followed by Christmas.

Best Coast Bias: Where The Secondary Is Primary

$
0
0
The once and future Intercontinental Champion?
Photo Credit: WWE.com
With Mr. Barrett getting some real life Bad News of his own, his Championship is suddenly up for grabs in a battle royale come Battleground.  And just to reacquaint everybody with some of the participants, a chunk of them kicked off the show. When the show was off, it was the Show Off himself who had the crowning moment via pinning an injured (?) Cesaro to take the win for his trios squad with Rob van Dam and Big E Langston against the former and current Heymanites.

It was interesting seeing him in the same ring with RVD at the show's opening Mouse Trapesque segment that piled participants up until you could see the clear team demarcations that'd make up the final chunk of the show.  van Dam was popular, but it was familiar popular.  Of course it was; what else could it be?  The Newarkians were happy to see him, but it was more of an excuse to point thumbs at themselves and chant ECW than for anything in the present or ostensibly his future.  Ziggler's popularity comes from a different place, a place of hope if there was such a thumbtack to put in the map of audience emotion.  Even with his two World Championships, there hasn't been the sense that Ziggler's been on an elite level.  Alongside the ridiculous depth of the roster, his own propensity both in reality and in the Reality Era to get on the bad side of the people cashing his checks, and bad injury luck, the Show Off's been swimming uphill for the past couple of years.

But now, after weeks and weeks of popular groundswell you get the sense as you might have at Money in the Bank that if anyone on the white-hatted side of the ledger was going to use recent losses due to injury to elevate a level and get lodged in there for certain that DZ would be That Dude.  When Alberto del Rio challenges Sheamus for the US Championship on the 'Murica Fuck Yeah edition of Smackdown Friday and proposes it as a steppingstone that'll lead to him unifying the secondary titles after winning the Battle Royal at the next Network Special, it's C.K. level comedy.  del Rio needs to be within kicking range of Sheamus the same way Paula Patton needs to be around Robin Thicke.  Yet when Ziggler talks about working hard, and all the things he's achieved while paling in comparison to what he still wants to get done it shines with the ring of truth.

One of the fun side benefits of WWE really honing a six-man tag match over the course of the decade is both subtle and unsubtle.  For the case of the latter, it takes up a bigger space of time in a machine with sharp teeth that eats up minutes on a weekly/monthly/yearly basis in a way that almost defies logic.  In regards to the former?  Somehow the legal man almost always beats the other legal man. Longtime fans know this wasn't always the case, and it was a constant hangnail in the finger of disbelief you have to take on in these circumstances.  Here in the main event, the notes leading to the writeup end this way: Axel makes the save but gets the belly to belly from Big E who gets dumped by Ryback who falls outside of the ring after getting kicked by RVD who gets shoved off the top rope into everybody already on the floor by Cesaro who gets Zig Zagged.  Watching a falling dominoes series like that turn into a perfectly realized pattern where every link in the chain rings true puts a little extra bonus behind something that was already good to begin with.

With the Intercontinental picture coming into clearer focus and taking up the bulk of the room and the plates at the dinner table, we spare a quick moment for the slight further dissolution of the Funkadactyls going the way of their former charges despite the fact they won their tag match.  Of course, when Stephanie McMahon actually pops up on the show to be a further thorn in Nikki Bella's side by giving her Alicia Fox as a tag team partner; well, handicap matches generally go to the 2 instead of the 1 outside of the Cena Exemption. It's hard to say what was more funny, Faux Babyface Alicia pulling off a Flair at Fall Brawl or the crowd eating it up and chanting for Nikki so she could crawl to the corner and get nothing but air as Alicia pulled her hand back before kicking her in the face and allowing Cameron to get the win (yes, Cameron won the match - no, the world isn't over...yet).  Oh, it wasn't "Alberto del Rio swuh-hares he's going to be the Intercontinental States Champion come SummerSlam" funny, but it was highly amusing nevertheless.  Almost as amusing as the team of Truth and ConsequencesNegro VoltronRusev Victims Truth in the Woods get so throughly dominated by the non-Bray members of the Family that not only did they not get an entrance but the swamp people cult got a tweaked and beautiful one sans video but with a myriad of white lights against an all-blacked out Tron (a la the thousand blue points of light the NXT alumni have been getting since WM) before they laid them out and Rowan got the win with a weird bearhug/Side Effect combo platter.

Still, this show belonged to Ziggler the way the first of da month used to belong to Bone Thugz.  Whether or not he reregains the IC strap is something that'll run you $10/mo, but at least he's trending in a positive direction.

Right and Wrong: The Way WWE Thinks About Women

$
0
0
Paige was sexually harassed by Jerry Lawler, and that's not cool
Photo Credit: WWE.com
I am a man. And as a man, there are certain body types I find attractive. Paige is in no way on this list. I will also freely admit that when I see someone who fits what I think of as attractive, I've looked. I state that to say that whatever comes next out of me is not from the point of view of someone trying to suck up to Paige, or anyone else in the WWE, because I am attracted to them. What I am going to say next is, however, from the point of view of someone who wants to do the right thing, because quiet as it's kept, that's what wrestling raised me to do, and to understand how to do.

When I was growing up, the heroes of my youth were men of moral fiber. And you knew that by how they acted. They didn't bully people smaller or weaker than them. And they never were mean to the opposite sex, at least not in the way the WWE's alleged heroes are now. Sure we all knew Baby Doll was evil, but that was because she did evil things. That small, but important, difference is why it was okay, glorious even, to hate Sherri Martel and sort of scuzzy if you were one of those mouthbreathers chanting Hoeski at Eve Torres.

And when you're WWE, the understood top of the food chain, the way you explain to your young fans what they are supposed to enjoy in the coming years is vital. So when you tell them that a real man bullies a woman when she doesn't sleep with him, or insults her for taking control of her own life, that's what they'll believe. And when you tell them that the only real attractive female body is blonde, blue-eyed and enhanced to all get out, they'll believe that too. Mickie James got called Piggy James because she was just a few pounds south of an ideal. Aksana and Kaitlyn were turned into caricatures, and Beth Phoenix presented as something other, largely because they deigned to have muscle beyond WWE's accepted limits.

But that's not what is getting under my skin. The way Jerry Lawler gets a pass on essentially sexually harassing Paige is disgusting. Now look, I know the way we view "Uncle Jerry" will forever be different after his heart attack. But keep in mind this is a man who was not just accused, but indicted, of raping and sodomizing a 15-year-old girl. So forgive me, and forgive everyone else, if when we see Jerry Lawler we don't see a cute and avuncular figure. I, and I'm not alone on this, see a man who should, at the bare minimum, be subject to a greater discipline than he is.

Because let's be clear: If a 65-year-old man gawked at the behind of his 21-year-old coworker at WWE's Corporate Offices, he would be brought in before HR as soon as possible. And that's how it should be.

ACW's Queen of Queens '14 Tournament Review

$
0
0
Not toilet paper!
Photo Credit: Michael Dupin
So many thoughts, but first, let's check out the preshow, which they say is always filmed for Anarchy Television, so I'm assuming they are on their YouTube channel? I've never checked, but I'm going to assume that's their purpose. Something free to whet potential live and DVD consumers' appetites.

There didn't seem to be a lot of fans this time. I'm not sure if that was because it was close to a holiday or what, although that seems unlikely, since the 4th of July is actually on the weekend (if you count Friday) this year. Maybe just because it's summer in general, even though the weather is almost always beautiful (though people could be on vacation). Could have just been the new set-up that made it seem like less people were there. I just hope it's not because people are choosing one promotion over the other. Whatever the case, there still was about 100 people there, which is not shabby at all.

STAN "The Sinner" SUMMERS and THE HOLE F'N TEAM ("Chi-Town's Finest" Mr. B and "Playboy" Johnny Axxel) vs. KAIENTAI USA ("Daper" Donny Brooks, Dylan Dunbar, and Dylan Divine)

A rare six-man tag team match from ACW. JC Bravo came out with his clown-suit wearing little person tag team partner, arm still in a sling. He claimed to now be sober (from hard drugs, but not alcohol) and apologized for his recent behavior. Here's the thing, during the match Bravo somehow tagged in (rules in ACW are nothing if not inconsistent), but attacked his buddy Summers, but... OK. See, the team of Lil’ Crazy has always come to the ring drinking beer. But at the Halloween themed show BEYOND GOOD and EVIL '13 Bravo took it up a notch, and shot up heroin. That was a thing that happened.

From that moment on, he continued to shoot up during matches and then decided he was fed up with some things in ACW. He claimed that everyone continued to cheer for all the newer wrestlers that have come in after him (he's been around for six years), and despite being a former Champion (not sure which belts), they were overlooking him, pushing him aside for the fresh faces.

That sounded like a legitamite gripe. The trouble I have is, why should we take him seriously? He comes to the ring drinking (probably after already having a few in the back) and then he upped the ante to doing hardcore drugs in matches... it starts with him. If he's not going to take himself and his craft seriously, then we're going to continue to treat him as the comedy wrestler that he acts like. Even after he attacked Summers, he still tied off his arm and presumably injected himself once again (admittedly, I didn't notice if he did or not, but the implication was that he either had or was going to). It starts with you, man.

On the other side of the ring stood KAIENTAI USA, a subsidiary of KAIENTAI Industries, whom I absolutely adore. Sadly, Tadasuke was back in Japan, so Dylan Dunbar and Donny Brooks found some dude named Dylan Divine to stand in his place. The reason I enjoy them so much can all be found in Brooks' introduction (he doesn't trust the ring announcer to get it right as he did mess up previously) where he states that Dunbar is his best friend and the person he cares more about than anyone else in the world. Friendship, guys! Of course, a few people were all set for the gay reaction, until Brooks' pointed out Dunbar's new girlfriend in the second row (it wasn't really true).

The match itself, I don't remember too vividly. Everyone involved was a competent wrestler, so it was fine from that aspect. It was mostly there for Bravo to turn on Summers, and thankfully KAIENTAI USA got to pick up the win (with all three men piled on top of Summers).

PAIGE TURNER vs. MISS DISS LEXIA

There’s this alternate reality (Inspire Pro) where Miss Diss Lexia is a one of Paige Turner’s Book Marks. They know each other quite well. None of that matters in this match because ACW exists on completely different timeline. I dig Paige Turner as a character, but her actual wrestling hasn’t caught up to how cool a wrestling librarian is. Maybe she needs to stop being so much into her books, reading about all the great wrestlers, and instead put in some practice time between the ropes. You can see her thinking about what comes next. She’ll hit a move, sometimes she’ll meander around, or she’ll just stand there waiting for the next thing to happen. It makes her matches very disjointed and hard to get into. I think those weaknesses are being hidden well in Inspire Pro, because she has her stable. But when put out there on her own to sink or swim? She more often than not sinks.

Miss Diss Lexia, on the other hand, has improved quite a lot since I first saw her inside a ring. I used to always dread when her music hit and she walked down those ACW steps. But now? Not so much that at all. Having said everything I just said, I don’t think these two work bad together at all. At one point, Miss Diss Lexia picked up Paige’s Encyclopedia that she always brings to the ring with her and someone in the crowd shouted, “Throw it in the street!”

GAUNTLET FOR A SHOT AT THE ACW HARDCORE CHAMPIONSHIP
SCOTTY SANTIAGO def. KYLE HAWK; JACK JAMESON def. SANTIAGO; LIL’ TONY def. JAMESON; JOJO BRAVO def. LIL’ TONY; BRAVO def. JUST STEVE; RICKY STARKS def. BRAVO

The first two portions of the match, Santiago defeated Hawk and Jameson beating Scotty, were SUPER short. I have no idea why that was the case, as it’s not like the show isn’t going to last until 10 PM (this match happened before 6), especially considering Scotty and Hawk are quite capable in the ring. It is what it is. As soon as Jameson dispatched Santiago, Lil' Tony jumped him and did a number on him. After brutally beating him, Tony grabbed a microphone and informed Jameson that Scot Summers was issuing a challenge for FROM INNOCENCE TO INSANITY on July 20th to a No Rope Barbwire Match.

For the life of me I cannot remember if Tony actually pinned Jameson or if they just eliminated him because he could no longer compete. By the same token, I don’t recall Jojo Bravo (competing here as a nod to the American Joshi division as Jojoshi Bravo) pinning Tony either. In my mind, the two men just disappeared into the ether, and Bravo was joined by Just Steve. Bravo was honoring the women competitors, with a red extension in his hair ala Jessica James and shouting out the names of women (“PORTIA PEREZ!”) and hitting one of their corresponding moves. I always enjoyed those gimmicks where a wrestler shouts out the name of a famous colleague and performs their move. It’s a nice little comedic trope. Of course, Bravo has a habit of calling out a lot of his moves before he does them, and he has a very low success rate, especially in ACW.

After putting away Steve, in another rather quick match, Ricky Starks was the final entrant. He and Bravo, whom I would like to see on a bigger stage, bigger stakes, and a lot more time, had a fantastic little back and forth match. Starks has a version of the People’s Elbow, where he pulls a tissue from his trunks, tosses it into the air, and in theory, catches it upon completion of the elbow drop.It only really worked the first time he did it. But the real reason I bring this up, is that I have seen a lot of Ricky Starks. Meaning, there were about three shows in a row where, for some reason, his bare ass got shown for all to see. My wife and I like to sit on the balcony at the Mohawk because it provides a nice vantage point, and there isn’t also the constant getting up and running for your lives when the action spills outside the ring. So, when he went for this elbow drop, he couldn’t quite find the tissue. So, he pulled open his trucks and then pulled open the undies he has on underneath those. While nothing could be seen, I do now know how well-groomed Starks is. So… yeah.

Besides that, it was a wonderful final flourish to the Gauntlet Match, one that saw Starks earn an ACW Hardcore Championship match against Barrett Brown on the actual show later in the evening.

And so now it was time for QUEEN OF QUEENS ‘14 to begin!

For those that don’t know, ACW holds their events at the Mohawk bar in downtown Austin. It is an open air venue, with a stage and concrete floors. In the past, the stage was used for seating. This time they switched thing up. They pulled the commentators down off the balcony (along with the sound guy and all that jazz), and put them on the stage. This opened up more seating on the balcony for people, as well as opening up the stage for the wrestlers to play with, as the commentators were pushed to the back wall.

It looks like this now (the guy in the American Flag short shorts is the ring announcer Eric):

A view of the new stage
Photo Credit: Michael Dupin
The show actually started with the First Round of the Queen of Queens Tournament, but I'm going to talk about the other matches first, and then talk about the tourney as one big thing. Cool? OK. The one thing I will say up front, Sam, my wife, was not down for ANY of the men's matches. Not because she doesn't enjoy them, but just the simple fact that this particular show is supposed to be about the women, and she wanted the whole show to be about the women. Personally, I'm was cool with having other matches (Inspire Pro did the same thing with their XX Divison show), my only complaint is that the men's matches all seemed to be longer than any one women's match. Sure, collectively, since it was a tournament, the women were featured more, I guess you could say, but I want some twenty-minute women's matches, ya know?

ACW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: PAUL LONDON and DARIN CHILDS (c) vs. THE FOUNDATION (The Shark and Chris Target)

I had no idea who the Foundation were, but they came to us all the way from Australia and are in fact the NWA Australia Tag Team Champions. It is now that I would like to mention this kid sitting in the front row. His name was Langston and I don't know how old he was, but he had to have been around ten years-old. He was very vocal throughout the whole show and for some reason, he was not a fan of the Aussies. So, London and Childs made Langston their honorary manager, allowing him to hold their belts. The Foundation pitched him on being their manager, but he wasn't having any of that.

The match itself wasn't too bad. The Aussies pretty good, I must say. I'm still confused on why Jack Jameson isn't a Tag Champion anymore and why he's cool with Childs just taking his place, but I guess this is what we're going with. Steve and Scotty Santiago watched from the balcony, stairs, then the stage, and when it was over, they congratulated London and Childs on their successful title defense. I have no idea if that means they will have to go to Australia and challenge for The Foundation's belts.

ACW HARDCORE CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: BARRETT BROWN(c) vs. RICKY STARKS

Thankfully, there were no wardrobe mishaps with this match. It was just a straight-up hell of a match. It didn't start off very hardcore at all, which I'm cool with. When you're company is called Anarchy Championship Wrestling, having a hardcore belt is a little redundant. The only way to truly make it different, would be to call it a Hardcore Championship but have it defended under regular match rules. Have rope breaks, ten counts, no closed fists. Shit like that. There really is a big inconsistency with ACW matches. Anything and everything is allowed. You cannot be disqualified, as near as I can tell. And yet, they enforce rope breaks, five counts in the corner, and things of that nature. It literally makes no sense. Those things will happen in the same match as someone being pummeled with a chair or having twenty people run into the match and interfere. I really like the idea of making this Championship as un-hardcore as possible. Create a little variety on the show and in stories.

But this match was really good, because both guys are really good. They made use of the stage and also provided us with a very sick tombstone piledriver onto a steel chair, one that almost looked more like a Ganso Bomb, leaving a skull-shaped dent in said chair. That somehow was not the finish, although I really wish it had been. It was a brutal move, not something you see too often. The actual finish wasn't too bad, though, with Brown using a chair to assist with his Crippler Crossface. It looked painful. But we shall see where these two men go from here.

U-30 CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: JEFF GANT(c) vs. SKY DELACRIMOSA

I honestly don't have too much to say about this, as I was mostly not paying attention. Some matches are like that, you just don't have any vested interest in it. I think Sky attacked Gant afterwards? I'm really not to sure, but at some point after Jeff Gant retained his Championship, Jason Silver came out and ran Sky off. I think. All I know is that this was suddenly ECW, and one match was bleeding right into the next because...

ACW HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: SHAWN VEXX(c) vs. JASON SILVER

Shawn Vexx still doesn't have his physical belt, and I don't know that he is ever going to get it back. It just doesn't seem like the Submission Squad are ever going to return. They might just have to have Davey Vega mail it back if they aren't going to continue that storyline. But lately Vexx has been giving some of the younger guys title shots. It was supposed to be a triple threat with Carson and Thomas Shire, but they were not present. The roster was extra thin on this evening, it seemed. I also did not pay a lot of attention to this match. It's not because Silver and Vexx are bad, I just wasn't particularly interested. I didn't figure Vexx was going to lose. About the only thing that truly kept my interest was watching to see if Silver would kill himself. One day, it is going to happen.

He takes a lot of risks and has come very close (at least from a fan's perspective) to straight up seriously injuring himself. Maybe he came out of all those bumps perfect fine, I don't know.  However, some of his spills looked bad, and this match would definitely have one. It was actually kind of funny in retrospect, as we watched WWE's Money in the Bank on Monday and saw Kofi Kingston fall from a ladder, hop onto and bounce off of the top rope and dive to the floor. Silver did a similar stunt. His goal was to jump off a speaker from the stage (there are two really tall speakers on each side of the stage), springboard off the top rope, and hit Vexx with a high-flying move of some sort. Instead, he did not really land on the ropes at all, and just tumbled to the mat. I don't think he was injured, as he continued the match, but at the same time, he looked pretty awful throughout the remainder.

Thankfully no one chanted, "YOU FUCKED UP!" Mistakes happen, especially if you're going to take high risks like Silver does. I actually like it when some moves don't go smoothly (as long as no one is injured) because it gives off the feeling that these are people actually competing and are not just video game characters going from spot to spot mindlessly. Vexx, your esteemed ACW Heavyweight Champion, got some assistance from Sky DeLacrimosa. The distraction allowed him to retain, which is not the best look for your Champ.

After the match, Sky brought a staple gun into the ring and pierced Silver's head. God, I hate Staple Gun Matches. They just make me hurt all over. But that's exactly what Silver and Sky are going to have at INNOCENCE TO INSANITY '14. But it won't be your typical Staple Gun Match. No, it's going to be a Lumberjack Match, and all the fans at ringside are going to have staple guns. I don't know if that means when one of them falls to the floor that the FANS get to staple the wrestler, or if they just get to hand their stapler over for use. I kind of hope it's the former, because I want Langston to return and just staple the shit out of some people.

That was all for the non-Tournament matches, so here, real quick, are the results of the tournament to crown the Queen of Queens and American Joshi Champion:

FIRST ROUND
Athena def. Jenny Rose
Leva Bates def. Angel Blue
Jessica James def. Miss Diss Lexia
Su Yung def. Candice LeRae

SEMIFINALS
Leva Bates def. Athena
Su Yung def. Jessica James

FINALS
Su Yung def. Leva Bates

The first match of the tournament and the night was Athena vs. Jenny Rose. It was my first time seeing Rose, and my wife commented that she looked more like a figure skater than a wrestler because of her attire. I wouldn't disagree. But she was definitely a good hand in the ring though. It took a bit for things to get going, but once it did, the two put on a good showing. It was definitely better than the last match I saw Athena have, against Veda Scott in Inspire Pro. That match was due to just bad luck, as they were having an off night. Thankfully, things went a bit smoother on this particular night. The fans showed their appreciation by throwing streamers into the ring for both competitors, so hopefully Rose returns to Austin some day.

I want to get the non-Business dealings out the way first, so I'm going out of order here. The third first round match to take place featured Jessica James against Miss Diss Lexia, who replaced Angelus Layne. She was too injured to compete after all.  The match was... weird. I'm not sure what the story was or what was going on, but Diss Lexia was coming at James and saying, "I'm gonna get ya!" Like, I dunno, she was going to tickle her or something? It almost felt like a lesbian vibe thing going on. It was strange. I'm liking Jessica James since her recent stint in Japan. When I first started watching, I didn't find her that appealing. Something was missing. Now she's carrying herself like a badass (she was sans samurai sword this time, though), who doesn't have time for your shit. I like it. She, naturally, won.

Let's backtrack and get to Angel Blue's bid to become the first ever Joshi to win two Queen of Queens Tournament (back-to-back in her case), against a semifinalist last year, Leva Bates, dressed as Maleficent. Chris Trew accompanied The Business member, claiming it was going to be a big night for his stable. I suppose he was right in the end, but the fans disagreed, as you can see in the image at the top of the page. That was toilet paper for the biggest heel in ACW instead of streamers, which prompted a little "ANGEL SOFT!" chant. The match was a good one, although this begins my problem, overall, with the show.

The Business was always hated. Always cheated to win, and were just generally not well-liked (although everyone had soft spots for Jojo Bravo and Thomas Shire). The matches became repetitive and were just general soul-crushing. No matter how good the contest was, it wasn't going to end without so much interference. The Submission Squad matches, especially Evan Gelistico ones, had the same problem. It was the same thing time and time again. I bring that up, because at GUILTY BY ASSOCIATION 8, The Business, having been burned in a few business deals (mostly involving the Squad using Shire for their dirty work), prevented the Squad from helping Evan in a Cage Match against Shawn Vexx (who won the match and the Title). Since then, they have been working as faces (except for Angel Blue, 'cause, well, you know, it's Angel Blue).

Quick sidebar - I mentioned Langston sitting front row being vocal throughout. He HATED Angel Blue, you know, as you do. They had some words for each other, then at one point, after Su Yung had won thanks to The Business, Angel flipped the double bird, and shouted, "Fuck you, kid!" She's the more vulgar version of Chuck Taylor. She doesn't scare children so much as berate them.

Back to The Business... for some reason, they reverted back to their old cheating ways. I have absolutely no idea why they switched back. As bad guys, it made sense, but then they renounced their cheating ways when they went up against the Submission Squad. The change back, however, seemed arbitrary  There were no other heels, I suppose, on the show, so why not turn the group that used to be hated? Nevermind that they evolved beyond that MONTHS ago (again, except for Angel Blue). It has been proven in Inspire Pro that people want to cheer for Bravo and Shire (who was absent, as was Ricky Romida), so why the backslide? I said in the preview, that, yeah, Blue and Su Yung were the most heelish of the group, even after they went good, but overall, it made no sense.

Not to mention, it made the matches REALLY bad. There was so much interference with almost non-stop run-ins. And since it's Anarchy, it doesn't matter. You can't DQ anyone for it. All it really does it make the faces look like utter fools. Everyone in the back should be used to the shenanigans of every match they have involving people who were not participating in the match. Band together and fight 'em off! I was going to be PISSED had a version of that not happened in the main event, but even then it wasn't enough. Somehow Leva Bates was able to defeat Angel Blue, but everyone that Su Yung faced stood no chance. Not even four suicide dives in a row was enough for Candice LeRae to overcome The Business. She had the best chance, because she single-handedly disposed of Jojo Bravo (BALLSPLEX!) and Angel Blue (BOOBSPLEX!), and even hit a Vaginaplex on Su in the corner. But the damned numbers game, man.

The result of that match in particular was disappointing because I wanted to see more of LeRae. The match with Yung was phenomenal even despite the rampant cheating. She's supremely talented and definitely hope she comes back to either ACW or even Inspire Pro. The only sad part was, beyond her losing, was that I was unable to purchase her sweet Powerpuff Candice shirt because the rent was due and all our disposable income for the month was spent on a moped. Sad face. As it was, because she was screwed thanks to Chris Trew, she'll bring Joey Ryan with her and do battle if she does come back.

The Business also showed up during the Athena vs. Leva Bates match. (Sidenote: I was a little disappointed in the Leva costumes, but that was mostly because the first two were exactly the same, except for the first round was Maleficent with a bird and the second round had her with a staff. The final was a bit better, as it was the Angelina Jolie version with the wings, which looked pretty badass.) They did NOT want Athena to win. It was downright ridiculous. Interference can work if it's used sparingly, but when it's literally every single match involving a certain set of people, it just gets olds. Everyone was already tired of it a year ago. It almost seemed like Bates was joining the Business, but thankfully, that would not turn out to be the case.

I took some brief notes on my phone, and my only note on Su Yung versus Jessica James was "Su wins with Business interference naturally." So, yeah, with the help of Angel Blue, Jojo Bravo, and Chris Trew, Su Yung retained the American Joshi Championship for one more round and advanced to the Finals to take on Bates. Thankfully, the night long run of cheating had a bit of a purpose, as Jack Jameson accompanied Leva to the ring (as they comprised Mega Man Powers). And as the match got going, LeRae showed up, with a beer, which lead to Bates climbing the turnbuckles, turning into "Stone Cold" Steve Austin, and double fisting some Lone Star. Jessica James also arrived, and the two of them removed Bravo and Blue from ringside, leaving only Trew on Yung's side.

Unfortunately, Trew's presence would be enough. I don't recall what happened to LeRae, but Jameson just kinda... didn't help. This is where I have a major issue. If you know the heels are going to cheat, like, all the time, who cares if you're a good guy? Get in there and defend your friend! Trew pushed Bates off the top rope? Clothesline her! Even the odds! That's why you're out there to begin with. If Yung has Bates in a submission, break it up! There are no rules. Funnily, that was exactly what Bates said during one of her matches. The referee was administering the five count in the ropes, and she said, "I thought there were no rules." And she's right, there are no rules. It's Anarchy! Maybe Jameson should've gotten in there and roughed up the cheaters. Jameson has a long history with The Business. His old partner Romida turned on him to join them. He engaged in a literal blood feud  with Angel Blue that saw his beard get shaved off. Eventually, he turned to Paul London to help and the two of them took the Tag Team Titles from Bravo and Blue.

It was mostly just frustrating. I'm a big Su Yung fan. I think she has a nice mix of character and wrestling ability, and I have no issue with her winning the Queen of Queens Tournament and remaining as the American Joshi Champion. She worked her butt off, but she had SOOO much help it was ridiculous. But it's everyone else's fault for letting The Business get away with it. I mean, they tried, but why did LeRae and James just disappear? Why was Jameson unable to get rid of Trew? And why can't the referee, who has dealt with the same shit all night long, just kick everyone out and make the two women prove who the better wrestler was in the middle of the ring with no help at all?

At any rate, Su Yung was your winner.

FINAL THOUGHTS: Overall, did I have a good time? Yes, I did. There was some really good wrestling. It seemed like they were actually trying some new things. They didn't repeat the exact same matches they always do. It would be nice if Jason Silver, Jeff Gant, and Sky DeLamicrosa could move on and feud with other people, not just have one off matches with randoms (like they all have had with ACH). Mix it up a bit. Getting some solid tag team action going would be good. They have enough teams to not need to just toss the same combinations out each month. This time, we at least got some Australians to test the Champs. Really, each show should have a different team challenging for the belts. If they want to do the four corners matches every month, that's fine, just have the winners get a title shot the following show (or on the same show). All the women did a really good job, and I really hope we get to see Jenny Rose and especially Candice LeRae back (if even just for one match where she brings Joey Ryan with her, they could do a trios match with Athena against Bravo, Blue, and Yung). I know you can't really plan too much around the free agents, as it were, but it would be a nice incentive to bring them back and for us to care when they are there (especially if they aren't a HUGE name).

 I would also like to see something really get moving on the ACW Heavyweight Championship front. So far, Vexx has just been having matches with new people, and while I enjoy that (as long as it's not the main event, sorry, it just drags the show down), because there's nothing better than a fighting Champion. However, he needs a story. He is the top dog, after all. And he gets ACH at the next show, which is strange. It'll be a great match, because ACH, but it's not like he is back in Texas actively, so I don't know the grander point of it.

Things are progressing with Summers and Jameson, although I'm still baffled as to why Summers is continuing it. He defeated Jameson clean as a whistle; it should be the other way around. Jameson should be the one actively escalating it, not being passively swept along. Anyway, their No Ropes Barbwire Match next month should be good and bloody. All of next month's show is going to be super bloody, probably, but I'll get to that when I preview it.

And it looks like Athena won't be done with Su Yung, as she attacked her after the final match. So, we should have ourselves a solid women's storyline going, which is nice. I just want things to make sense, mostly. I want things to happen (different things especially) and for them to make sense. I may not like them, and that's fine, I just need story progression. So, overall, Queen of Queens '14 was a positive step, now it's just about continuing it. Although, I would really like an explanation for The Business, just in general. What's their deal? And can we outlaw all the interference? That'd be great.

WCWC: Bringing Old School Rasslin Back

$
0
0
Graphics via WCWC's Facebook
When people think of Portland, OR, they likely think of "hipsters", the Portland Trail Blazers, or the show Portlandia (which is sadly close to the truth of what this city can be). Yet what most people should think of when they think of the Rose City is the great history of professional wrestling that the city possesses, and how there is a small but loyal following of the local promotions. Since 1925, some of the finest wrestlers have made their home in the Pacific Northwest (albeit for varying lengths of time) and even though the dissolution of the Territorial Era did a number on Portland's prominence within the world of pro graps, there is still something going on here that is worthy of attention.

Taking into account that Portland was bred on the angles and in-ring style of the NWA, it is no surprise that the biggest wrestling company within the city is one that relies heavily on "classic" (or "dated", if you decide to see it that way) wrestling techniques. The West Coast Wrestling Connection is a relatively young promotion, but it has already established a reputation of bringing in wrestlers with name recognition among the wrestling fans who may only be aware of those who have wrestled for the WWE. Granted, the names that WCWC are able to bring in are not on par with the ones that wrestled in the territorial days (names like Roddy Piper, Andre The Giant, Buddy Rose, etc.) but being able to bring in guys like Gangrel, Matt Striker, and Jake "The Snake" Roberts to entertain fans and put over new local talent is still a nice coup.

PDX TV is the late night show that WCWC airs every Saturday/Sunday at midnight, and it is as low budget a show as one might expect. The shows are taped once a month in an old theater in Southeast Portland and the lighting and staging set up is simplistic. For those who remember what the old Georgia Championship Wrestling and Memphis Wrestling shows of the early 80's looked like, then this set up with a camera facing only one direction and handheld cameras on the ring floor will provide a welcomed bit of nostalgia. I absolutely find the production to be endearing and unintentionally hilarious as they do what they can with the small amount of money they are working with, and they should be commended for it.

Currently on PDX TV, the main story is an angle between local wrestling legend The Grappler, who made his hay in Mid-South Wrestling with the person that he is currently feuding with, the aforementioned Roberts. Their feud began two episodes ago when they got in an argument over who created the DDT (see what I mean about the "classic" wrestling angles?). If I had turned these episodes into a drinking game where I drank every time "The DDT Challenge" was mentioned, then my stomach would have been pumped. When taken out of context, the incessant references to this challenge are tiresome, but then when the lack of funds and name recognition of the WCWC are taken into account, then it becomes understandable and somewhat necessary.

The Grappler also has a heel stable called "The Wrecking Crew" and it includes a portly fellow that goes by the name of The Grappler III. He (kayfabe) injured his knee which allowed him to come to the ring in the latest episode with an "orthopedic boot." Main commentator Joe V has taken to calling it a "loaded boot." The footwear itself only has a different colored sole than his normal boot, but Grappler III uses theit to kick his opponent in the shin and then knock him out with a kick to the head (with interference by The Grappler from the outside, of course), yet another example of WCWC running ludicrous storylines that would draw heat from uninitiated marks in a bygone era. It succeeds, though, because the audience is brought back to a simpler time when grandmothers sat in the front row and swung their purses at heels, and the babyfaces were revered as conquering heroes who represented the common man. WCWC works because it gives all of the dirt sheet readers and self-professed hardcore fans in the audience (so basically the demographic that I am a part of) a chance to know what it was like to watch wrestling shows from the Territorial Era.

On July 5th, WCWC will tape their next month's worth of shows. A ticket is only $10, AND they provide pizza at intermission! I'll definitely be there to catch it live, and I will also be providing reviews of the TV show itself (which can also be found on YouTube for those outside of the market). If there is anything that WCWC needs going forward, it is to promote their old school company through a new school format such as blogging and I am happy to oblige. This show is worth watching.

Throwback Thursday: The Day Lex Luger Went America All Over Everyone's Asses

$
0
0
July 4, 1993 was the date when the WWF decided to hold a patriotic celebration by seeing which red-blooded American could step up and bodyslam its gargantuan, 500+ lb. "Japanese" World Champion, Yokozuna. Many tried, everyone failed except for one. Lex Luger, up to this point, had been branded "The Narcissist," a vainglorious evildoer affiliated with Bobby "The Brain" Heenan and equipped with an "illegal" plate in his arm that was affixed there as part of his recuperation from a motorcycle accident. When he got off that chopper and put his belly to the bar, he changed into the all-American patriotic powerhouse who'd end up taking faltering during his run as WWE's top good guy. Hey, not every story has a happy ending. At least we'll always have the USS Intrepid.


Happy Independence Day!

$
0
0
USA, BROTHER
Photo Credit: WWE.com

Today is the anniversary of when the United States declared its independence from Great Britain. Americans like myself celebrate by cooking out on the grill or in the smoker, swimming in various bodies of water, watching fireworks, going to the emergency room because the fireworks some enterprising souls set off explode prematurely, watch baseball, and partake in pro wrestling. AMERICA. Anyway, since I am most certainly American and everyone on staff except for two writers hail from the USA USA USA, we here at TWB are taking the day off. If you're American, enjoy your day off and have a grilled treat of your choosing. If you have to work today in America, well, I salute you because you're probably needed on the job. If you're not in America, well, sorry for the lack of reading material today. We'll be back Monday. Until then, ENJOY MR. AMERICA, BROTHER.

Best Coast Bias: Frustrated Incorporated

$
0
0
A fallen Angel, a punk-ass Kidd, and the signal of their collective failures
Photo Credit: WWE.com

As the old saying goes: if you can't beat them, beat them up.

By the time the NXT Champeen had arrived on the scene to close out the show the damage was more done than a tough piece of steak.   That Tyson Kidd would use the opportunity given to him to beat on Sami Zayn after cheapshotting him wasn't a surprise; his on-and-off-and-now-back-on-again tag partner Justin Gabriel deciding to join in after losing to everyone's favorite Syrian-Canadian hybrid was. Again, Kidd's attitude wasn't a surprise.  He flashed the same disingenuousness in his interview with Renee that played right before the Gabriel/Zayn clash: say (mostly) the right things, hint sporadically at regret while still providing an excuse to each and every part of douchebaggery executed, and the moment the room gets Enzo-and-Cass real, just walk out and bail.  But Justin came as a bit more of a surprise, in part because of the quality of work he'd just got done putting in in the main.

The man known in Mexico as El Lobo de la Atrevería pulled off a cousin of Tyler Breeze's strategy last week in the opening chunk of the match. Again, it's great to see people counterwrestling people known for their aerialism by actually wrestling them and keeping them as contained on the mat as possible.  So Gabriel and Zayn traded armbars and armdrags while Tyson sporadically gave Justin advice from a small distance without getting involved and the crowd respectfully clapped for the catch-as-catch-can in front of them.  Thus having set the table with the metaphorical veggies, coming back from break saw the entrees whipped out until there wasn't a space of tabletop left without a plate.  Gabriel hit a front legsweep, a super Lionsault, and a crazy-ass Air Raid Crush into his knee (that really should've ended the match, or any match, but whatever) amongst other goodness while Zayn busted out his now-trademark Blue Thunder bomb and exploder into the corner.  In the end it was an adept combination of earlier fundamentals and later flash that put a bow on it, as Gabriel rolled through a 450 attempt once he saw Zayn roll out of the way of it only to get victimized by a Complete Shot/Koji Clutch combo.

Watching Gabriel and Kidd renew their partnership on the opposite side of the fence from where they once stood only brought one question to mind: what's the inverse of a Nexus?  Suxen, presumably, but that'll never move any t-shirts.  It's easy to see the motivation that brought Kiddriel together.  It's the same thing Brando saw in Reqiuem, the same thing James Murphy sang about in "Losing My Edge."  At one point the future is supposed to be the future.  But the hope is in those instances that the future stays the future, and heaven forfend if they get ahead of you, and once they start lapping you, well...what else do you have to lose, really?  These young punks are already stealing your dignity with their not losing to you and twerking and EDM and whatever, and instead of being feted as the N(e)XT Big Thing you're the guy people're razzing with your (possibly shaky) marital status rather than your bona fides or former Championships.  That said, once Neville and Zayn and Kidd/Gabriel get together for some tag team fisticuffs, it should be something easily above average and possibly a low-level WWE MOTYC when it gets said and done.  If only Tyler Breeze's finger hadn't gotten injured in that shoot, we could've had a title match that would've left Sami 100% less jumpkicked from behind by a pair of scumbags. Get better soon, T Breezie.

Considering Big Cass' two-move demolition of Sylvester Lefort and CJ Parker murking a newbie in order to make a point to Xavier Woods, the other in-ring highlight of the show was Bayley and Becky Lynch going up against the 2.0 iteration of the BFFs, Charlotte and Sasha Banks.  One of these is an actual team with the NXT Women's Champion on it and the other is two well-meaning horribly adorable women who mean well, so guess what happened here?  The heels got the advantage...then kept the advantage...and then the Champion hit the woman in her second NXT match with her finisher and that was it.  What a perfect piece of business all around: the rapid tagging back and forth between Charlotte and Banks and keeping Bayley beat down in the Bad Part Of Town for most of the match meant they didn't have to do as much in between and kept each other fresh.  It was death by a thousand paper cuts rather than a Mafia-style execution, done to the most sympathetic babyface the women's division has (and maybe in all of NXT, depending on how high Zayn gets your midichlorian levels up).

Also, it should be noted Becky Lynch CUT OUT THE DAMN DANCING, and you know what? She's still really good at the pro graps.  While she didn't get much time to shine, her Matrish bridge out of pinfall attempts is exactly the sort of thing that's athletic and not in the domain of anybody else in her area, so she should completely keep working that in where possible.  And BayLynch showed off potential in the opening slot of the match, both working the arm to the point where they were doing the same moves to it no matter which way either one of the mean girls turned.  There are far worse things - especially given the recent exodus of female (baby)faces up to the main roster - than B-and-B becoming semi-frequent tag partners whose friendship is not only magic but canon as well.  But anytime you're watching heels tag and you get Arn and Tully flashbacks, that says it all.

It's a shame that the further splinter was driven by Charlotte deciding post match to leave Sasha to get layed out by Bayley after she was smacktalking the fallen Lynch and then deciding to leave her partners entirely Because A Champ Has No Friends And Can Trust No One.  With some passive-aggressiveness bandied about, it came to be that Bayley is going against Summer Rae in a #1 contendership match this coming week with the winner getting the Flair of NXT.  At the risk of MMQBing, why must we only have one #1c?  The ladies are so awesome and given the past history of both potential challengers to the crown a triple threat match for the first time in NXT history seems like the kind of thing that would be ready-made for an NXT Network Special.

But that's the sort of the pie-in-the-sky dreaming that can leave a belly empty.  It's a world where the future can turn into your past just like that no matter how hard you try to fight the tides and injuries can wreck Championship dreams.  At the end of the day, the person you have to live with is you.  Whether or not you're a champion may or may not be in your hands, so you better control what you can while you can.   As of this printing, the future is still undefeated.

Smackdown: Friendship is Magic

$
0
0
With enemies like these...
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Worst Friend—Telus
As I mentioned last week, I moved recently, but Telus can't hook up my cable and internet until the 7th. I've been able to watch the past couple of Smackdown episodes at my Mom's place (thanks, Mom!), but I wasn't going to subject her to three hours of RAW. “So I'll miss a couple of RAW episodes,” I said to myself. “What could possibly happen?” Oh, not much. Just the return of Chris Jericho, aka my very favourite wrestler of all time. No big deal. Fuck you, Telus. We are not friends.

However, even though I missed the big return, I'm glad Jericho's back. I'm glad the Miz and AJ Lee are back too, for that matter. There are 1004 reasons why I love Chris Jericho and among those reasons are his willingness and ability to work with new or young guys. I certainly prefer heel Jericho, but I'm excited to see what he can do with the Wyatts or the Miz or, heck, what better way to usher in some intergender matches than by having a Jericho/Lee feud? The possibilities are endless!

Should Never Be Friends Again—Seth Rollins and Dean Ambrose
As upsetting as it was when vile traitor Seth Rollins turned on The Shield, his feud with Dean Ambrose feud has been fantastic so far. If it keeps up, I may have to change the title of this series to Smackdown: Enmity is Magic. Ambrose in particular has been running up the ranks of my favourite wrestlers list for some time now. In fact, I'm pretty sure that Jericho really came back in order to remind me that he is my first and forever favourite.

Ambrose and Randy Orton had a good match, though I almost feel bad for Orton. He doesn't really have much of a part in this story (and what kind of wacky world do I now live in, that I actually feel bad for Randy Orton, historically among my least favourite wrestlers?). Still, it was nice to see him match Ambrose's intensity during their bout.

Should Be Friends—Sheamus and Alberto del Rio/Antonio Cesaro and Alberto del Rio
Should Be More Than Friends—Sheamus and Cesaro
THE EVIDENCE GROWS. So, this week Sheamus and Cesaro were once again both on the show, but once again did not face each other. Instead, Sheamus faced Alberto Del Rio, while Cesaro faced Big E Langston, and both matches gave me so much material. If you guys aren't convinced about the developing Sheamus/Cesaro romance by now, I don't know what else I can do.

So. Last week del Rio tagged with Cesaro and this week Sheamus offered to defend his United States Championship against del Rio. Aside from the fact that being a fighting Champion is awesome, it's rather too much of a coincidence that Sheamus would issue this challenge right after del Rio had been in close proximity with Cesaro. Clearly, Sheamus was just jealous. Meanwhile, Cesaro's match against Big E had Michael Cole constantly exclaiming that we were seeing a new, more vicious Swiss Superman. How interesting that he appears to be getting more violent with every passing week apart from Sheamus. I said last week that Cesaro and del Rio should be friends, but now I'm thinking that del Rio should be friends with both Cesaro AND Sheamus so that he can help bring them together. It's not like he has anything better to do anyway. This stuff is just writing itself now, I barely have to do any work.

Best Family Friendship—Goldust and Stardust
The newly re-formed Dust Brothers haven't done much on Smackdown yet other than a couple of quick backstage segments; however I must record how much I love Stardust. My notes just read “STARDUST STARDUST STARDUST FOREVER” and that pretty much sums it up. One of the best parts of this new bit is how much Goldust clearly thinks his brother is the bees' knees and watching them weird it up together is so much fun. I don't for one second believe that the WWE is going to fully capitalize on the gold mine (pun very much intended) they have with the erstwhile Rhodes Boys, but I am going to enjoy every bit of wonderfully weird friendship that we get.

Best Friend—Bo Dallas
Bo Dallas vowing to win the Battle Royale for the Intercontinental Championship for “little Daniel” warmed my cold Canadian heart. What a good friend.

It was nice to see a member of Los Matadores other than El Torito wrestle, but I must confess that I have never been much of a fan of bemasked team. I don't think the idea has done Primo or Epico any favours, and I don't find El Torito's antics amusing at all. Plus, I had to deal with JBL hollering, “He's crumping, Michael!” Jesus Christ. Shut up forever, JBL.

Doesn't Need a Friend—AJ Lee
Lee's kind of operating on a different level than the rest of the women's division. She's been given more time to develop her character, and she's a strong enough performer that she has been able to stand out and make the best of the situation even when the narrative has been horribly unkind to her. It's not that she's intrinsically better than the other women; I'm positive that some of the others could do just as much as she has, given the proper opportunities. So while I'd love to see Lee work with Paige, Naomi, or anyone at all, at this point she can do a lot more for them than they can do for her. I don't mean that in a negative way, either. If the company is willing to utilize her talents to help bring out those of the other women, this could be great. (Look at me, daring to hope that the WWE will invest some time and effort into the women's division. I'm such a dreamer.)

Still, I can't help but feel bad for a lot of the other women. Paige's reign never got to be what you might call decisive. She had a lot of victories, sure, but was she allowed to do anything really memorable? Not really. And even though she was on commentary during Lee's match against Eva Marie, she said practically nothing. Naomi finally got her title match, but I can't see her getting another shot for quite a while. Then there's poor Eva Marie, already consistently vilified, trotted out to face the Champ, a crowd favourite (and Eva actually looked fairly competent. She didn't have to do much, but she did it without horribly botching anything, so I'll call that an improvement). Heck, even LEe herself is being cheered in large part due to whom she's dating and not based on her own merits.

Speaking of Eva Marie, I'm going to be talking about her a lot more once I start covering Total Divas, but I'll take this opportunity to deliver an opening manifesto of sorts: Nothing is Eva Marie's fault. If you think she's a terrible wrestler and actor who adds nothing to the program then you should be asking yourself the following questions:

  1. Who hired her?
  2.  Furthermore, who hired her strictly for Total Divas purposes and not as an actual wrestler-in-training? On Total Divas she has mentioned that she's spent little time training, but who is actually ensuring that her time is pretty much all spent on photo shoots and promotional materials?
  3. Who makes the decision to put her in a wrestling ring, time and again, when her lack of skill means she could seriously hurt someone or herself, and when her lack of personality or character pretty much guarantees that the crowd won't respond to her?
Just some things to consider.

In Need of a Friend—Damien Sandow
This is pretty much going to be the go-to Sandow category for a while, isn't it? I don't have a problem with comedic wrestling characters, but, as the Intellectual Saviour of the Masses, Sandow was brilliant. This character switch makes absolutely no sense to me. He certainly puts everything he has into it, but it makes me so sad. Then again, Sandow was the one who betrayed his BFF 4 Lyfe, Cody Rhodes, and deprived us of team Rhodes Scholars. Perhaps it is only fitting that Sandow now has no one to care for him when he gets tossed out of the ring and forgotten in the face of what the WWE website termed “an American/Russian Standoff.”

Speaking of which, I know I'm not the only one who was incredibly not cool with the Real Americans being cheered as they opposed Lana and Alexander Rusev. It absolutely makes sense for Zeb Colter and Jack Swagger to set their sights on the foreigners, but it is really not okay for them to be faces. I have always been leery of crowd members who chanted along with “We the People,” but the fact that we are apparently now being actively encouraged to support the ignorant racists makes me very, very uncomfortable. I know that the WWE fully expects us to allow them to choose our memories for us at any given time, but this is an even more unbelievable lapse in continuity than usual. The only way this will be acceptable is if it's made clear that this is a heel vs. heel feud (and also made clear that YOU SHOULD NOT CHEER FOR THE IGNORANT RACISTS WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU). I actually would like to see Rusev and Swagger go at it, not to mention Colter and Lana. They should try to recruit each other's clients, succeed, and then eventually all join up together in a beautiful display of friendship.

From the Archives: Biff Busick vs. Timothy Thatcher

$
0
0
Hey you, yes you, over there. You like old-style, British mat wrestling right? Right? You don't? Well, I don't mean to proselytize, but maybe you just haven't seen the right variant of it? OR maybe you have. I don't know, I'm not your keeper. But hey, if you've never seen it or you do like it, well, you should probably watch this match from the intimate settings of the CZW Wrestling Academy, courtesy of Beyond Wrestling. In one corner stands the CZW World Champion Biff Busick. In the other is the British Messiah who made his bones on the West Coast, Timothy Thatcher. Watch. Absorb. Love.

Languid Reflections on Absurdity : Bald Badasses and Collector Cup Demanding Douchebags

$
0
0
Punk did this backstage
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Through the years, anti-authority storylines have always resonated with the public, more than any of the other convoluted faction war mish-mash or personal grudge matches (whether they are over shampoo or women irrespective). Whether it is the Stone Cold saga or Money in the Bank 2011 or the recent Daniel Bryan story up to WrestleMania XXX, the hysteria over these angles shows that WWE connects deeply with the audience with these Authority/Corporate Sell Outs v. Mythical Greek Heroes. However, there is a substantial difference between 1999 and 2011. In the following short piece I give my reasons as to why I despise the characters of CM Punk and John Cena but still love "Stone Cold" Steve Austin circa 1998-early 1999.

This is the age of brass rings. You are made to jump through hoop after hoop, in the hope of a better tomorrow, where the grass is green and the girls are pretty. It never really happens though. Most people show up to work only because they never make enough to go home and stay there forever. This wasn’t the case always. Once upon a time in America, people believed that if they were honest and hardworking they would get their just desserts and the wicked, the lazy would be punished. Their bosses, the ultimate American heroes, the almighty owners, would always respect the good people, that merit would be rewarded. Blue collar, white collar, it didn’t matter - you will be respected if you worked hard. Healthcare would always be affordable, college education would be accessible, and a liberal arts degree wouldn’t be regarded as Coleridge’s Albatross. There would be no repercussions from raping the environment. Modern day existence would continue forever. Life would be easy. Travelling by a vehicle which runs on petrol would be a good idea. Rock and roll would never die. Hulk Hogan would always be a hero. The naivete or willful denial of reality, whichever it might be, would almost be touching if it wasn’t so horribly misplaced.

The more dreary the reality, richer the fiction that man draws up to stop himself from climbing the walls. However, even in fiction, it is only conflict that can lead to catharsis. Even this subset can be further divisible – the fundamental conflict of human life in the 21st century vis a vis the guy who owns the business vs. the guy who actually does all the work and gets paid a pittance to do so. The more fiction reflects real life conflict, the more chances that people will relate to it, that they will demand a proper resolution, a resolution that would not take place in real life.

This phenomenon manifested itself in wrestling, first in the late 90’s and then in 2011. Austin was the guy who wanted to come to work. Punk just wanted to show the finger and leave. Somehow the motivation of our chosen ones changed drastically.

Vince McMahon was the boss who wanted to fire the beer swilling, foul mouthed Texan. He never wanted to fire Punk because he would rather present him with metaphorical brass rings. He had become wiser, more subtle as has the “real” world, a more subtle and cunning world; a world where rather than fire you they will try and infuriate you, try to isolate you, belittle you and make you quit. Why bother with conflict when they are big enough to conquer the spirit? McMahon could have tried to break Austin’s back, but they could never kill his spirit. By the time June 27, 2011 rolled around, Punk had been broken into pieces. He was never called “trailer park trash”. They never tried to make him wear a suit. There was no “corporate” Rock. No stooges. Just the unconquerable machine, layers and layers of corporate doublespeak.

Austin was the man. He was, as he himself put it, red hot, white fury. Just look at the Stunner, how expressive and contemptuous a move it was. Succinct. Explosive. Those were times when people had hope. They could see the enemy and when you can see the enemy you can beat the enemy, or at least, be passionate about beating the enemy. By the time 2011 rolled around, they were inured to the routine. No hope, but only quiet desperation had settled over the world like soot used to settle down on Dickensian London on Monday mornings. Things are not getting better, so what’s the use? In this world, the only hero is the guy who beat the game and got to go home. Not the one who put on black boots and black trunks and showed up no matter what. Austin was epic fantasy fiction. The Pipe Bomb was acceptance of reality. "Stone Cold" was the white knight in the vein of Robin Hood and Harry Potter. The Best in the World, ironically, was the average guy.

And John Cena? He's the summation of modern neo-liberal civilization, a string of empty words, a walking talking billboard, Mr. Charity, a marketing gimmick that people accept because they are too tired, dammit. He is the disingenuous machine that will not even accept that there is a problem. You show up every day and work hard, dammit, just like I did. You keep your mouth shut and show respect. Hustle, Loyalty, Respect was not about John Cena, it was the machine’s message to the Universe, a code to live by. Be loyal and respectful even if you are treated like yesterday’s news, dammit. There was no reason for anyone, anyone to be pissed. Put up or shut up, dammit. The guys in charge are good people, and if you have breast cancer, they will donate money, dammit, instead of, you know, universal healthcare. Cena did not understand Punk in the beginning, (Punk became Cena later on) and he could never have understood Austin. You want me to be a white rapper guy? Cool. You want me to turn into a philanthropist wrestler, a veritable, figurative Mr. America for kids? Cool. (Ed. Note: The literal Mr. America was another WWE megastar altogether.)

When Punk went home, it was time for the machine to co-opt the rebellion just like black metal was turned into mall metal. Punk came back, and they kept the false hope alive for the rest of the people that he had left behind in the trenches. Don’t go home because you never know when we might decide that the Sun should smile on your fate. Stay loyal, stay respectful, stay invested in us, period.

But then Punk himself wanted jet planes and ice cream bars. On one hand, Austin, being the classic medieval fantasy hero that he was, never wanted anything for himself. Even acquiring the title was just a way to piss everyone off. On the other hand, Punk’s biggest regret, at the end of the day, seemed to be that he was not a part of the upper echelon, the rest of the rantings about corporate yes-men and employee-employer disconnect turned out to be noise to garner public support. What concerns did the Voice of the Voiceless ever raise, really?

Austin never seemed to have such bourgeois aspirations. There seemed to be a brotherhood between the pot-bellied trailer park crowd and the redneck Texan. How redundant it all seems today. The Attitude Era seems to be the result of Tarantino’s cocaine fuelled wild western fantasy with heroes who were heroes with a penchant for beer and cursing. The Reality Era is depressingly predictable, just like modern life.

Austin was the aspiration to break the chains of conformism and doublespeak; Punk looked the same but was in fact the opposite. He with his stupid Pepsi tattoos and straight edge lifestyle was the commodification of rebellion. Like they said, oh brother; they need to rebel, why can’t we give them their hero? In a Freudian slip of epic proportions, they made their rebel demand limos and Lear jets. Straight Edge Superstar? More like the Narcissist Nature Boy, if you ask me. The manufactured rebel wore no clothes and had feet made of clay. He merely voiced the aspirations and deepest concerns of the corporate overlords.

Austin appealed to the optimistic romantic, while Punk, the biggest heel after Cena, represented the fall of man, the epitome of the culture of triviality and nonsense that we have cultivated in the 21st Century.
Viewing all 4899 articles
Browse latest View live