It's the Main Event before a Network Special (the artists formerly known as pay-per-views) so let me revive a semi-frequent BCB subgenre with a Langston Memorial of takeaways...

5) Naomi might be the new Alicia Fox.

Until she got a bit of shine for a weeks for going bipolar, Alicia Fox seemed to be stuck in the role of one of the, if not the most criminally underrated roster member known for executing a Northern Lights suplex as beautiful as she was.  If only she got more time and/or actually got to beat somebody, the prevailing attitude went, way more eyeballs would know what we knew--she was the hole-in-the-wall restaurant in the bad part of town with superlative food, the opening band that should've been playing for more than 11 people, a diamond that needed only the dust to be knocked off of it to truly shine.  And during her stint on the third headset during the Emma/Cameron match, Naomi stole the show by doing possibly the hardest thing in wrestling - being a sympathetic babyface who wasn't a chump.  She noted that things had been bad with her and Cameron for a while, and that Cameron had struck first.  When Saxton noted that he'd been in similar situations with friends who were being wayward, she rightfully asked if any of them had gotten physical with him in addition to their disrespect.  Her doing the Emma Dance and loud cheer over the Australian's small package victory in addition to running Cameron out of the ring when her ex-partner started being a sore loser and getting some extra licks in post-match was the bow on a very nice package.  Sad that it came to this while being ready for the fight now that this was here, showing good sportsmanship, and refusal to get rattled even when Cameron was taunting her to her face showed that she should be a close planet going around the orbit that is AJ/Paige with her getting the occasional follow-up match for the Lisa Frank Memorial Belt once she settles the estate of the late Planet Funk and shuts down her Total Divas co-star for good.

4) Going forward, Big Kingston should be a thing.

Assuming neither Kofi nor Large Epsilon manage to procure the Intercontinental Championship come this Sunday Sunday SUNDAY at Battleground in the Battle Royale they could do a lot worse than keep their tandem rolling on into the fall.  Up against the Rybaxel they both seemed to get the support from the crowd that's been glaringly missing for them for most of 2014, and not only that but E proved to be a surprisingly adept Morton at taking abuse from both former members of the Heyman Guy club.  His alley-ooping Kofi into a plancha to wipe out the opposition was the high spot of the two-segger but the highlight was him making Ryback look like the land monster he is and making Axel's chop block/running knee combination look like a legitimate finish.  If they're going to be part of the wildly gargantuan midcard of the deepest roster in Stamford history, that and this partnership of convenience bolstering the tag division go together like Jameson and another shot of Jameson.

3) "When life gives you lemons, say fuck the lemons and bail."

If the hardest thing in the Reality Era is to make a heel that'll actually get jeered rather than respected for playing such a scumbag, then you need to remove the possibility of stripping away anything that can be a positive characteristic without completely neutering them as a threat.  Here in the common air of the undercard, especially on Main Event, all the antagonists succeeded at making sure they wouldn't draw shine in lieu of their opposition.  Rybaxel looks like a hybrid of an Abercrombie and Fitch ad and a frat party come to life, Cameron is a 6 and possibly a wrestling 3 who acts like a 10 and is a sore loser and coward to boot, and Miz did his best 1978 Memphis heel impersonation when he wasn't plugging seemingly the entirety of his non-wrestling C.V.  (More about this imminently.) There's something to be said - at least in doses - of heels avoiding comeuppance through sheer cowardice, as long as it eventually pays off.

2) Watching Miz cosplay Tyler Breeze the week before Comic-Con is sort of like making Katherine Heigl the new lead for Orphan Black.

Hollywood, don't get any ideas (or if you do, send the check to ButchCorp™, San Diego, CA).  Anyway, even without a two-segger to put on the board this show should've been subtitled C'mon, Just How Badly Do You Want To See Miz Get Punched In The Face? (The answer, of course, since he's lucky enough to be Mr. Maryse is All The Time Forever Across Every Single Parallel Universe In Addition To This One; they're just starting to fold it into his on-screen character now.)  It began with the "season premiere" of MizTV and his aping of LeBron's letter as he promised he was better than Cleveland forever and also that he'd be the one walking out as Intercontinental Champion yet again come Sunday etc. before Sheamus came out, gave him some repartee, and then came pretty close to Brogue Kicking him right in the apple of his eye.  However, by the time the hour was up, Miz had managed two important things that most Sheamus opponents couldn't say - his face had been both unpunched or Brogue Kicked.  Entrance-free he may've spent most of ten minutes fleeing the ring or cowering on it's edges; sure, he had to take the hardest body punches this side of the Big Show and he lost clean in the middle of the ring and everything but he held firm to his vain ideal and saw it all the way through.  And a gold star for the finish, in which Miz cowered rather than take the bike kick so Sheamus hesitated, shrugged, and rolled him up.  What a great way to get them both over, to add more craftiness to Sheamus' near-Cena level Finisher O'Doom and Miz's vainness rather than having the best announce team this side of Young Regality down Full Sail way say out loud "Miz is .4 seconds away from being nicknamed the Narcissist and Sheamus is adept at more than brawling and crafty to boot".  (TO BOOT!)

1) That said, the show-wide focus on the Intercontinental Championship was awesome. 

Main Event should be the place where the undercard gets built, and it went beyond putting the most beautiful title this side of the IWGP World Heavyweight Championship on a nice looking pedestal covered in fancy-looking fabric just adjacent to the announce table.   Saxton and Phillips brought it up for the majority of the show and every single time a man wrestled, to the point where Sheamus' impressive resume was partially listed only to be buttressed with "but he's never been Intercontinental Champion".  When Barrett got injured by White Savior Jack Swagger it not only sunk the momentum he'd been building since the night after WrestleMania, it dragged the belt's down with it.  This, however, is not a net loss.  It gives them a chance to retell a story with the belt and whoever wins it, since the most Occam's Razoresque feud with Barrett and Swagger is probably off of the table with the latter's alignment flip.  And for all the talk of the prestige that comes with holding that Championship at this point in WWE's narrative it's probably best served with frequent appearances and focus on this show and the other handful like it, letting some of the best wrestlers in the company be allowed to turn it up a little more than they necessarily need to on RAW.   The hard sell for seeing a new Champion crowned may've gotten a bit ubiquitous, but it needed to be; let's see this continue without a Special looming on the horizon and the push going towards building up a secondary title as a thing worth going out of your way to watch (especially in a title match) and for the roster to obtain.  There's no sense in having a past if you can't use it as a tool for betterment, and Sunday's the future and possibly a once and future Champion.  It's time for it.

About the only question left is...do you Bolieve?

Good ol' Hillbilly Jim and more explored by Danielle this week Photo Credit: WWE.com

It's hump day, so here are some links to get you through the rest of the week:

Wrestling Links:

- Wrestling Threads: The Fashionable History of Hillbillies [With Spandex]

- The top 25 matches for the first half of 2014 [Place 2 Be Nation]

- KENTA in the land of sports entertainment [Voices of Wrestling]

- The importance of crowd reactions [Explorations in Pro Wrestling]

- The Best and Worst of RAW: Friendly Enemies [With Spandex]

- Shoot from the Heart: What's missing in today's WWE [TJR Wrestling]

- It's hard to talk progress with a dick in your mouth [Drop Toehold]

- In case you missed it, Lance Hoyt wants to kill me in real life [With Spandex]

- Leading a double life (and looking good doing it) [Addy Starr]

- Purobabies, come hither: An introduction into New Japan Pro Wrestling [Suviprantsatus]

- Angry Andy reviews NYWC's Going the Distance [Juice Make Sugar]

- Interview: FPW on Stone, Redman, and Summertime Brawl [The Only Way Is Suplex]

- 2011: The Year of the Woman [Dirty Dirty Sheets]

- The Best and Worst of Impact Wrestling: Just Be Roy [With Spandex]

- Impact Review, July 10 [Voices of Wrestling]

- Deja Vu Wrestling: Paul Orndorff vs. Randy Savage [The Loaded Glove]

- Sonic Doom: UltraMantis Black's debut album is heavy on aggression [With Spandex]

- Injured wrestler wants fans to buy him a PS4 to help recovery [Kotaku]

Non-Wrestling Links:

- This is what happened when I drove my Mercedes to pick up food stamps [Washington Post]

- Why I'm not a liberal [Jacobin Mag]

- LeBron James tells the world exactly what it wants to hear [Deadspin]

- The two LeBrons, and LeBron James' two-sided decision [Hardwood Paroxysm]

- LeBron James' return to Cleveland as told by newspaper covers [SB Nation]

- On LeBron James, Kevin Love, Andrew Wiggins, and the eventual Sixers [Liberty Ballers]

- The Pirates' triple-decker grilled-cheese sandwich is the king of all ballpark food [SB Nation]

- The best fast food burger is probably from a chain you've never heard of [Kitchenette]

- How to make seafood paella, whether it's traditional or not [The Concourse]

- Yes, potato salad belongs on Kickstarter [The Verge]

- The seven strangest foods in RPGs [Talk Amongst Yourselves]

- Coming back for more [Sports on Earth]

- 20 reasons we loved the 2014 World Cup [SB Nation]

- Let's run it back [Gheorghe the Blog]

- Concussed Christoph Kramer "can't really remember" World Cup final [Screamer]

- Virginia man claims territory as kingdom so daughter can be a princess [Jezebel]

- Maps of an alternate North America that never came to be [io9]

- Prince Fielder's naked ESPN cover is sexy as hell [The Concourse]

- Game of Thrones author says fuck you to anyone who speculates he's going to die before finishing [Polygon]

- The five things the Emmys got right (and the five things they got wrong) [Warming Glow]

- Why Orphan Black's Tatiana Maslany will always be snubbed for an Emmy [The Morning After]

- The six types of cult heroes you meet in sports [Bucky's 5th Quarter]

- Seven fascinating things you probably didn't know about Weird Al Yankovic [UPROXX]

- The best and worst celebrity fans for every NFL team [Kissing Suzy Kolber]

- It's very good to own a NFL team [Deadspin]

- Texts between Bill Belichick and Aaron Hernandez revealed [Kissing Suzy Kolber]

- Do you love your dog too much to realize it's an idiot? [Gamma Squad]

- The 30 best pieces of Pokemon shaming art [Dorkly]

How much value does A Double add to the X Title by holding it? Photo Credit: ImpactWrestling.com

In this past week’s “Championship” edition of Impact, we had four matches either for titles or with title implications. Despite being promoted as an exceptionally exciting evening, it was really just more of the same, not just from the past month or so, but from the past two years. TNA continues to circle the drain as it prepares for its upcoming NYC tapings, and the big reset that Kurt Angle has promised is finally here.

Angle’s Red White And Blue Reset Button has brought an end to Sanada’s X Division title run, putting it in the hands of Austin Aries. Aries, perhaps the most well-known of division, promises to cash in the title at Destination X to give himself a shot at the TNA World Heavyweight Championship. If his whole goal is to go for the “true” champion, what purpose does killing the momentum of an up-and-comer in the company serve to get him ahead? Sure, Aries walks back his original promise to cash in “Option C”, the concept he invented to allow the current X Division champion to challenge the current World Heavyweight Champion at the Destination X event.

But the fact that it doesn’t seem like Aries cares about the title at all, claiming that only now that the title is back around his waist is the X Division relevant again. It devalues the months of work that Sanada has put into the division since winning the title. Now we’re back to square one with the new X Division champ possibly giving up the title in a month. The X Division used to be the biggest thing in TNA, and they could get back there, but I don’t think this is the best way to do it.

The other big reset for this week might be the silliest, especially with what has come before it. Angle called out Willow at the start of the show, saying that Angle needed Jeff Hardy back in time for the #1 Contender Battle Royal. After a little brooding, we got the Charismatic Enigma back. If all it took was simply talking to Willow to turn him back into Hardy, why didn’t someone do that to begin with?

I mean, ultimately it doesn’t really matter. Willow and Hardy wrestle basically the same, and look the same minus the mask. But yay, we lost an interesting gimmick in favor of a Known Entity who can now challenge Bobby Lashley in New York. We’re again, back to square one in the title race. It’s not like there’s any new blood in TNA right now to really push a decent program through, with Ethan Carter III still tied up in an angle against Bully Ray and the ECW Originals, but it’s frustrating to see TNA run back to tried tactics instead of attempting and taking a risk on something new. You’re never going to be the biggest wrestling company in America, but you can be different and we need different. The fact that TNA has rested its laurels on old wrestlers and past glories is incredibly disheartening.

I have a bad feeling that this is going to be a recurring theme in my reviews. We’re onto New York next week. God help us all.

Cesaro needs Heyman to win in WWE. NEEDS HIM I SAY! Photo Credit: WWE.com

For nearly 30 years, Paul Heyman has been massively successful in everything he has attempted. Well, maybe not accounting, but everything else. Photography, promoting (again, except the whole money thing), announcing, acting, and, perhaps most impressively, managing superstars - Heyman has done it all.

Take a look at his managerial record. In WCW, Heyman led The Dangerous Alliance. Under Heyman's tutelage, various Alliance members won Championships: Rick Rude the United States Championship, Steve Austin the Television Title, and Arn Anderson and Bobby Eaton the Tag Team Championships. In ECW, Heyman led Sabu to both the Television Title and the ECW World Championship. In WWE, Heyman became the advocate for Brock Lesnar, who would go on to become the youngest WWE Champion in history to that point. He also managed each of the next two WWE Champions - Big Show and Kurt Angle - becoming the first and only man to manage three consecutive world champions. Years later, Heyman would not only second CM Punk during his 434-day reign as WWE Champion, but would also become the One Behind The One in 21-1 when Lesnar broke The Undertaker's undefeated streak at WrestleMania. You may have heard about it once or twice.

(Oh, and Heyman led Curtis Axel to the Intercontinental Championship, as well. Just saying.)

When Heyman announced that Cesaro had become the latest Paul Heyman Guy following WrestleMania XXX, everyone assumed big things for the Swiss Superman. But to date, Cesaro's momentum has stalled, and this past Monday on Raw, he came out without his advocate.

Big mistake.

Cesaro is immensely talented, there's no question about it. Look at his body of work in the indies, NXT, WWE - he's damn good. But over his career, the majority of Cesaro's successes have come when he is part of a team - whether he is one member in a stable, or half of a tag team, or he is accompanied by a manager. Don't believe me? Let's go through the high points of the former Claudio Castagnoli's career:

• Castagnoli teamed with Ares in Europe, leading to their first trip to America to wrestle in Chikara; when Ares returned to Europe, Castagnoli was part of Larry Sweeney's Sweet 'n' Sour stable, then in a tag team with Arik Cannon.
• Castagnoli and Chris Hero joined forces as The Kings of Wrestling, becoming the first Campeones de Parejas in Chikara, as well as ROH Tag Champions and CZW Tag Champions.
• From roughly 2007-09, Castagnoli went solo for the most part, and although he won a handful of matches was never able to capture a singles title.
• In 2009, Castagnoli re-teamed with Hero in ROH, where they would eventually regain the Tag Championships and hold the titles for 363 days. At roughly the same time, Castagnoli won his first major singles title in the US when he captured the PWG World Championship - while carrying his alliance with Hero into PWG.
• Meanwhile, in Chikara, Castagnoli was a member of the BDK stable, and he teamed up with Ares to win the Campeones de Parejas for the second time - the first two-time champion.
• Coming to WWE as Antonio Cesaro, it wasn't long before there was gold around the Swiss Superman's waist - but of course, he won the United States Championship while being managed by Aksana.
• After breaking ties with Aksana and losing the US Title, Cesaro would flounder until joining up with Jack Swagger and Zeb Colter as The Real Americans. From then on, Cesaro would have his most notable moments in WWE and NXT, including several classic bouts in NXT with Sami Zayn.
• Cesaro won the Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal at WrestleMania XXX while still technically under the direction of Colter.

Although his time with Heyman has been relatively uneventful, Cesaro is yet to prove that he can hack it on his own. He's always been at his best in a team situation, which is fine. Tag team wrestling is nothing to sneeze at, and stables have a long history in pro wrestling. And despite his ability to speak in five languages, Cesaro could greatly benefit from the mic skills of a guy like Heyman.

Right now, it doesn't make sense for Cesaro to be alone. He needs Heyman until he makes that final leap to either super-upper-midcarder or main event player. Heyman's track record speaks for itself - he makes champions, and he makes stars. Cesaro is ohsoclose to being a megastar, and a few more weeks with Heyman can get him there.

I mean, if standing next to a guy who's supposed to be talking you up while he instead rants about one match that happened three months ago that a different client of his won while never once talking about you can't get you over, what will?

Inspire Pro Wrestling's No Turning Back, the second show featuring the XX-Division (read, the company's women's roster), emanates live from the Marchesa Theater in Austin, TX on July 27. As with any show featuring women in Texas, the show is loaded, but the best-promoted match to date happens to be one cut and pasted from the best possible e-fed out there. Solo Darling is making her way to Texas for the first time. Delilah Doom just wants to FOCUS UP and get her ass in gear. What this repartee lacks in enmity, it more than makes up for in kitschy humor. I would call it "cute," but I'm sure both Darling and Doom could kick my ass, so I don't want to diminutize their efforts here. Anyway, both promos, after the jump, are more than worth watching.

Could this be a marquee light heavy matchup? Photo Credit: WWE.com

In my last article on this topic, I explained who I thought the ace of a rebuilt light heavyweight division should be. (Please read that won't you? It will make me a very happy panda.) But after I wrote that article, something dawned on me. I hadn't listed what the belt should look like, what the weight limit for it would be, or anything else of that type. This is something that needs to be remedied, and I will be the one to do it.

Firstly, the easiest thing to fix. The actual championship belt. The last time the WWE did this, before it screwed this up, this was the belt the company went with:


Now, what I would love to happen here is that the WWE, with its vast resources and huge coffers, makes a deal with the National Wrestling Alliance to get their World Title belt and use it for the new championship.


 It seems classic enough and fits with the idea of what I want to do. But understanding that, for a lot of reasons, that may not be able to happen, I think the best thing to do here is to just create your own title belt, with the idea that it should look classic, and not like something you made for one guy and one guy only to have (E.G. the Spinner title.)

Now that I know what the belt should look like, I actually want to move to building the rest of the division.

Firstly, this is the sort of thing that needs an agent, someone to block this entire idea from the capricious whims of Vince McMahon and his coterie of lieutenants. The best idea for what we need is for someone who knows what it is to have that belt, and have it mean more than just a joke for Vince McMahon to have fun with. Normally, I'd put Finlay here. But I think he's got enough going on with the Divas to keep him busy. So where do I go? If money was no object, I'd hire whoever it was who has booked the jr. heavyweights for New Japan because that's how light heavyweights should be booked. But since that can't happen for a variety of reasons, I decided to go with Dean Malenko. Not just because he was one of the most decorated light heavyweights of this era, although that helps with this. But I imagine he cares, or at least for the sake of this he should care.

Secondly, especially in the WWE of 2014, depth of the roster should be an issue. And there are enough guys here that fit the weight limit of 235 lbs. who are doing next to nothing on the "big club" as I understand it that you can really have some fun with this. For the sake of expediency, I'm just going to list this in faces and heels. You can figure out, on your own, the roles they should play in those strata. Also, yes I am using the official WWE weight measurements even if I don't necessarily believe them.

Faces:

• Adam Rose
• Zack Ryder
• Sin Cara
• R-Truth
• Kofi Kingston

Heels:

• Bo Dallas
• Tyson Kidd
• The Miz
• Justin Gabriel
• Christian
• Heath Slater

And that's before we even get to NXT, and guys like Sami Zayn, CJ Parker, and Enzo Amore who would provide us something different.

In the next, and hopefully last, part of this series I'll explan how I would build it if I suddenly had some sort of freaky-Friday mind meld with Dean Malenko.

ACH is back in ACW, even if it's just for one show! Photo Credit: Kelly Kyle/Texas Anarchy

Anarchy Championship Wrestling is coming off its annual Queen of Queens Tournament to crown the best joshi in America (or the best in Central Texas on that particular date and time), which so happened to be Su Yung thanks to OODLES of help from The Business. This month, things are going to be slightly different, as From Innocence to Insanity 8 is being called the “Most Violent Event of the Year.” I think it would have been amazing had last month’s joshi-heavy show been given that tagline.

As it is, this show just may well still live up to its hype, although only four matches have been announced. That’s fairly typical for an ACW show, so a lot of people may be going out of habit or going based on their reputation for delivering good shows. The main thing with the four matches that have been announced, at least three of them have a little build behind them, which is a nice change from a lot of matches from this particular company.

But it’s better to announce a small handful of matches that actually will happen rather than ten matches where half of them are changed. “Card is subject to change,” is an added disclaimer for a reason. It just sucks when you’re looking forward to a particular matchup and either someone no-shows or things just get changed up with no advanced warning.

Here’s a rundown of what we know:

ACW Heavyweight Championship: "Infamous" Shawn Vexx vs ACH

Hey, ACH is back! That’s super cool, because ACH is quite amazing at this wrestling thing. That said… why? I will never complain about getting to see ACH, but why’s he getting a title shot? What happened with Thomas Shire and Carson? Two months ago a triple threat for the title was set up, and while it not happening at Queen of Queens made sense, why is it not happening now? Was it dropped? Were there simply just scheduling conflicts? Are they not going to work for ACW anymore?

It’s like they are trying to implement some long-term planning, but they don’t quite have the commitments from everyone to make that happen. Of course, it could just simply be a matter of not being able to get the schedules worked out, and that happens with people who are trying to make a living in this crazy profession and are traveling all over the country. It happens. Now, why is ACH waltzing in and getting a shot? Well, why not? If you’re going to be able to squeeze in an ACH appearance between all his other bookings, might as well make it worth it.

On the surface, it feels like all the drama is lost given that ACH is no longer a regular (more a once- or twice-a-year special attraction). So, what can we expect from this matchup? Well, with ACH involved it should be a barn-burner. And, perhaps, we’ll get the makings of a serious, on-going challenger for Vexx afterwards.

My only hope is that it’s not the Main Event. ACW has had a few too many low-stakes headlining matches. Yeah, it’s for the Title, but there’s no meat to it. Instead, headline with this...

No Rope Barbwire Match: Jack Jameson vs Scot Summers

Out of the matches announced, this one has the most heat behind it. The fans are behind Jack Jameson, who has been doing everything he can to prove that he belongs at the top of ACW. He lost a hell of a fight with Summers a few months back, taking a shit-kicking and continuing to get up to take more punishment. (Ed. Note: The ol' Tommy Dreamer method!)  He parlayed that performance into a shot at Vexx’s title, and while he came up short, he didn’t give up (even though I wasn’t a big fan of the match itself). Last month, he was jumped and eliminated from a gauntlet match for a Hardcore Championship match by Lil’ Tony, who had a message from Summers.

Not sure where their affiliation came from (outside of from thin air, and also because of the barren roster, he seemed the most logical choice), but I doubt it will continue. The proposal was a No Rope Barbwire Match, where the ropes would be replaced completely with barbed wire, like in ECW.

This one will likely be bloody immediately. I’m interested to see what exactly Jameson can do in this environment. He’s had some hardcore battles before (the aforementioned match with Summers; his bloody brawl with Angel Blue that saw him fall from the balcony and lose his beard), but this is a little different. Plus, Summers has all the experience in this situation.

Hopefully, even if he fails, Jameson hangs in there and battles until his death (not literally). They seem pretty gung-ho on elevating him to the upper echelon, so this is a big opportunity for him. I may have liked to have seen some other people move up the ladder first, but I’m not fretting, because I like Jameson, and at least it’s someone new.

Lumberjack Staple Gun Match: Jason Silver vs Sky De Lamicrosa

There’s a pretty lengthy backstory to this match and feud, but I don’t know a whole hell of a lot of it. I know they used to be partners, but then Silver split off and became a fan favorite with his death-defying stunts (literally, he almost kills himself once per show). This will be a match where the fans are given staple guns at ringside, which does not seem like a good idea at all, especially with alcohol involved (maybe put this at the top of the show?).

I’m not too certain if that means the fans get to use them when either Silver or Sky leave the ring, or if they just hold them until one of the guys gets a hankering for flesh stapling. Either way, it’ll be cringe-worthy. de Lacrimosa was in a staple gun match last year against Jeff Gant, where they stapled dollar bills to one another. Gant was victorious then, so I’m sure SDL is hoping for better luck this time.

Speaking of Gant, he once had a relationship with these guys as well, so he could get involved, although probably only if SDL’s partner Killah Kash makes an appearance. He has been absent lately, as they really dropped the ball following his upset win over ACH last year. It should have propelled him to at least some sort of title shot. More often than not, he’s been involved in the ever-rotating four team scramble matches, which never led to anything.

The only thing I know for sure, is that I will not be watching as the actual stapling takes place, because I do not like when things poke through skin. I’m deathly afraid of needles for this reason.

Toy Chest Deathmatch: JC Bravo vs Stan "The Sinner" Summers

Last month, JC Bravo claimed to be sober from his heroin (not alcohol, ‘cause a man can only quit so many things at once), but he ended up turning on his buddy and Lil’ Crazy tag team partner, Stan Summers. Toy chests will be placed around the ring with a variety of weapons and toys inside. I morbidly hope Bravo's heroin addiction plays into the finish, but hopefully, it will be in a way that puts it to bed as a character trope.

What Else Is Going To Happen:

Your guess is truly as good as mine. It’s hard to say for sure what will transpire when we only know, for certain, that eight wrestlers are going to be there. I would say there’s a possibility of a Hardcore Title defense from Barrett Brown. It being the “Most Violent Event of the Year” would lead one to think so, anyhow. I would imagine Jeff Gant will get in on the fun and defend the U-30 Championship.

There could be a Tag Team Championship match, if Paul London is in town. If not, perhaps Darin Childs could have something brewing with River City Wrestling, as he did capture their International Championship at the last show. I'm not sure if there are even plans to do any cross-promotional work between ACW and RCW, but I wouldn't be surprised given the sniping back and forth that's existed for a couple of years now.

Will we see the continuation of The Business being scoundrels again? I’m sure Jojo Bravo will be there and probably Angel Blue. Not sure about Ricky Romida, as he missed a rare show last month. Chris Trew, too, if he has things going down in Austin. Su Yung and Thomas Shire are the harder ones to pin down. It would be nice to see the story between Yung and Athena continue.

Speaking of the women, would be a shame if they all but disappeared after their showcase show last month. Sure, the freelancers won’t be back, but it would be nice to have some hardcore women’s action. Why let the men have all the fun?

But, really, it’s up in the air as to what else will happen and who will be there. It’s becoming harder and harder to tell just who is apart of ACW anymore. But we’ll see this Sunday, the 20th, at the Mohawk in downtown Austin, TX at 6:00pm!

(Card is subject to change.)

Vader's turn in WWE was disappointing for the most part, but it did give this wonderful moment of wrestling apocrypha. While Sunny was interviewing Vader in the back, a door opened to reveal one Road Warrior Hawk nonchalantly walking out, only to look up and see a camera crew and his two coworkers filming something for the Free For All before a pay-per-view. The look on his face is classic as he just backpedals through the doorway, pretending his videobomb never happened in the first place.

Fewer body guys, more barrel-chested dudes and chubby guys like Harley Race Photo Credit: WWE.com

It's Twitter Request Line time, everyone! I take to Twitter to get questions about issues in wrestling, past and present, and answer them on here because 140 characters can't restrain me, fool! If you don't know already, follow me @tholzerman, and wait for the call on Wednesday to ask your questions. Hash-tag your questions #TweetBag, and look for the bag to drop Thursday morning. Without further ado, here are your questions and my answers!

@tholzerman WHAT WILL YOU NAME YOUR COUNTRY WHEN YOU ANNEX LAND TO GET YOUR KIDS TO STOP ASKING ABOUT A BIKE? #TWEETBAG
— Duje Silver Dekan (@thegnc) July 13, 2014

Well, firstly, I'd have to decide which unclaimed area I'd want to annex, and according to Wikipedia, now that Bir Tawil has been claimed by the neo-colonialist who wants his daughter to be a princess, I'm limited to some riverlands in Croatia and sheets of ice in Antarctica. To me, trying to carve out nationhood out of unclaimed land is trying to find parking at a One Direction concert by arriving five minutes before the show starts. You'll be searching with fervor for less than desirable real estate. So, let's violate some European sovereignty for a change and get the lands between Croatia and Serbia along the Danube River. As for the name, I would set up the Glorious People's Republic of Grand Holzermania. And it would be a small, collectivist nation with no grand plans for expansion. The economy would be based off the river and farming whatever arable lands exist. Everyone would have universal rights regardless of nationality, ethnicity, religion, or gender. Basically, it would be my little left wing paradise, until Jeremiah Hatton gets the fuck out of Bir Tawil because he gets sacked by a nation trying to expunge colonialism for good in Africa and decides to seize my land. In that case, it was nice knowing you all.

@tholzerman#tweetbag what's the one territory-era staple you'd like to see brought back into wrestling?
— Okori Wadsworth (@OkoriWadsworth) July 16, 2014

Fat guy wrestlers. WWE's domination of the wrestling world has had drastic effects on the number and spread of fat guy wrestlers so that they only seem to flourish in the Southern indies, a place where Vince MacMahon's Northern aggression has never set well anyway. Sure, Bray Wyatt seems to be destined to be a staple, and WWE has reportedly signed Kevin Steen and Willie Mack.

Then again, I have a special column on TweetDeck dedicated to wrestler tweets, partially to keep them collated in one spot regardless of how interesting, partially to nerf the shame of having to follow someone like Shane Helms or Val Venis in order to read their tweets. Anyway, one thing I've learned by having that column open is that so many of them are gym rats and clean-eating fanatics. They follow shitty "Workout Humor" or inspiration accounts and RT them in between sets at the gym. And holy shit, the amount of times I see someone bitching about "leg day" has made me consider shutting the column down altogether.

The results that are produced at shows or on DVDs show influence of that workout culture. It's like everyone is auditioning to get into WWE on the basis of McMahon's rumored size/body fetish. I'm not saying anything is wrong with wanting to be a health nut, because certain healthy advantages exist for eating right and exercising regularly. But while I like seeing guys ripped to the gills or with skinny frames going at it, as a HOSS aficionado, I too love seeing the blubber-butts going at it and CLUBBERIN' for God and country. I find something enchanting about a fat dude who can take hits because his cellulite absorbs the hits as much as I do watching someone like, say, Brian Cage or Ricochet put their goddamn gorgeous bodies on display.

The territories had mostly regular guys running around with a few "body guys" like Superstar Graham complementing them. Now, the pendulum has swung too far in the other direction. I would love to see an equilibrium, with a healthy portion of the regular dudes and dudettes being "fat."

@tholzerman Does it seem like WWE is preparing to build Cesaro back up? He got over by his ability and not storyline, hence his post-WM lull
— Brian Coulter (@PhilaBCoulter) July 16, 2014

The big rumor is that Cesaro was bound for a huge babyface push this summer, but them brakes was PUMPED when certain forces within WWE said "Hey, let's push Roman Reigns instead." On one hand, Reigns, as a member of The Shield, was more entrenched in the main event already and has had the benefit of mega protection. On the other, Cesaro had the same amount of great singles matches in wrestling at his time of conception as Reigns does now. But then again, all these backstage rumors are shaky to use as gospel fact anyway. So in closing, who the fuck knows what the fuck is going on backstage in the company.

More importantly, I don't think Cesaro is going anywhere. He's a cornerstone for WWE's international presence, and the dude is pretty much the prototypical wrestler. He'll only be gone from WWE if he really fucks up at this point, which could be a blessing or a curse depending on how his talents are utilized.

@tholzerman What would you have Sting doing in WWE if it were up to you?
— Green Eggs and Marc (@DasNordlicht91) July 16, 2014

I would fire him into the Sun!

No, in all seriousness, my distaste for the Stinger's latest run/media overhype aside, I think he would make a good ambassador. He's going to want to wrestle, which I personally would not want. But hey, enough people want him I guess. But yeah, I'd just induct him into the WWE Hall of Fame, sign him to a Legends deal, and trot him out on various occasions where the company would have Roddy Piper or Sgt. Slaughter appear.

@tholzerman Your challenge: Develop a pro wrestling event similar to the Home Run Derby (or slam dunk contest, etc.). #ASG#TweetBag
— Star of Savage (@StarOfSavage) July 16, 2014

Wrestling has a grand tradition of trying to port sports-related things into it, and I'm shocked WWE hasn't tried to have its own "Home Run Derby/Slam Dunk Contest/NHL Skills" competition on WrestleMania weekend. Would these competitions be a shoot or would they be worked? The best ideas would play to the two biggest fringes of wrestling, the high-flying stunts and FEATS OF HOSS. For the former, bringing out the extra-elastic practice rings from the Performance Center and have the guy (or gal) who can do the most impressive flippy move win the day. That competition would have to be a shoot, unless the judging is rigged (and Marcus Louis or Sylvester Lefort as "The French Judge" would garner nuclear heat). As for feats of HOSS, I would suggest a competition on who could bodyslam the most impressive cache, whether number of wrestlers in the payload or the weight of the target. Either way, it would be insane if the precursor to Mania was more authentic in competition than the actual event itself.

@tholzerman Is there a wrestling legend who you just sorta "don't get"?
— Mr. 434 (@over_as_hell) July 16, 2014

I sat for nearly an hour racking my brain trying to think of a guy who got mega-famous without a tangible reason. Liking someone is different than understanding or not why they're famous. For example, I never really liked Diamond Dallas Page back when I was in the thick of watching during the Monday Night Wars era. But I understood his appeal as the working class scumbag type who made good. I never liked Ultimate Warrior, but the man had some manic energy. People like an energetic guy. I'd like to think every wrestler who gets put in a main event role and succeeds does so because that wrestler has a hook. Plenty of wrestlers with hooks have failed in big pushes, but no one who didn't have some kind of thing for fans to latch onto ever really made it.

@StarOfSavage@tholzerman To piggyback, I would like a wrestling Laff-A-Lympics, please.
— Jason Mann (@wrestlespective) July 16, 2014

Remember the time the Jackass crew showed up to RAW and just womped people with that giant hand? Basically, it would be that over and over and over again. The winner would be decided by WWE Hall of Famer Drew Carey.

@tholzerman Can you explain the Colt Cabana situation you got upset about? I have no idea what actually happened. #tweetbag
— Zach (@thiszach) July 16, 2014

Basically, Cabana donned his familiar "Officer Colt Cabana" gimmick he mainly works in Juggalo Championship Wrestling for a match in Beyond Wrestling. The gimmick essentially paints him as a corrupt cop. He got Dan Barry into a compromising position, and the crowd, hip to the gimmick, chanted "Rape" repeatedly. Because prison rape is funny, especially when done by the people in power against the incarcerated. A lot of context is involved in the situation that cuts through some of the hemming and hawing on both sides, but the fact of the matter is the spot shouldn't have been done, and rape should probably not be used as a comedic trope in wrestling, whether it be against women or against convicts.

@tholzerman Who was the worse sidekick - Dink or Scrappy-Doo?
— Ryan Foster (@FosterVsWorld) July 16, 2014

Scrappy-Doo didn't sink the franchise. Can't say the same thing about Dink.

@tholzerman You get to pick one wrestler from the past to receive a Goldust-style in-ring renaissance/last hurrah. Who, and why? #TweetBag
— Jeff S (@DexDynamo) July 16, 2014

With his relatively mat-based style and long hiatuses, Bob Backlund, even at age 64, has to have one run left in him, right? One of the most popular character archetypes in Japan is the "grumpy old man" wrestler, usually inherited by aces whose careers extend well past their primes. The most famous example is Genichiro Tenryu, who is still active but was "grumpy" over ten years ago. The character type hasn't quite made it to America yet, or if it has, not in WWE. A third act for Backlund, whose in-ring style would actually mesh quite well with the new influx of English-influenced wrestlers in WWE right now, would be amazing to behold.

The honorable mention answer, obviously, would be William Regal.

@tholzerman what's your ratio of watching specific content vs just whatever the network is airing?
— Sawyer Paul (@_sawyerpaul) July 16, 2014

To be honest, I barely get time to sit down and watch The Network, so the ratio is out of whack in favor of "whatever its airing." Mainly, I watch NXT and live special events religiously. I haven't put on an old PPV or even the regular stream of programming on as background noise in a long time. I'm also way behind on my indie wrestling viewing, have only watched one episode of Main Event since it got to the Network, and haven't even started delving into a secondary promotion's television. I suck this year.

@tholzerman the build-up to this PPV has been pretty wretched. Which means the show & Raw after will probbe great, right? #tweetbag
— Mike Chauvet(@mikechauvet) July 16, 2014

To further expand on that point, the four-way match for the title has been especially dreadful, which means it will be the most fun clusterfuck multiman match in WWE this year.

@tholzerman Of the three former Shield members, who do you think is going to win the world title first? #TweetBag
— Casey Brown (@NintendoGamer86) July 16, 2014

The answer to this question depends on the fate of Seth Rollins' briefcase. I can see him cashing it in between now and Survivor Series in a bit of fuckery, but if Brock Lesnar wins the title at SummerSlam, he's GOT to hold onto it until WrestleMania, right? At that point, Roman Reigns would be the first member of The Shield to hold the title (after which he'll be ripe for a cash-in from Rollins, either at Mania or at Dork Mania the next night). Dean Ambrose also has a good shot to win the title, but he's gotta be the third most likely out of three to win it at this point. But who knows anymore...

@tholzerman Your ideal inter-gender WWE match, pls. Or if you'd like, two: one with current WWE roster, one with all-time ideal. #TweetBag
— Sarah (@MrsKillerRoo) July 16, 2014

The all-time intergender match would be Fabulous Moolah vs. Hulk Hogan, just to see the Hulkster cower in fear from a woman shooting on him after he tried to take liberties. More importantly, the ideal WWE intergender match right now is Cameron vs. the Great Khali Daniel Bryan vs. Sara del Rey. Of course, "ideal" means it's the best possible match; Bryan's career is in limbo, and del Rey seems happy as a head trainer at the Performance Center. Of the probable wrestlers available though, gimme Dean Ambrose vs. Paige, especially after the inevitable anti-Diva heel turn from the latter comes (preferably at Battleground).

@tholzerman who would be the best and worst wrestler to win the IC title BR? #tweetbag
— Rich Thomas (@earthdog) July 16, 2014

The worst wrestler to win the title would actually not be Great Khali, whose inclusion in the match kinda baffles me, but hey, whatever. While I would love to see Sheamus break off a run of really killer televised United States Championship matches, he'd be the worst person to win the vacant IC title. I do not want to see the titles unified yet. The roster is big enough to support healthy divisions for all three, and WWE has enough time to build all three male singles titles in addition to the Tag and Divas titles.

Now, the best person to win the titles... well, I do BOlieve I'll cover that a little later in the bag.

@tholzerman Is Joel Embiid the greatest tweeter of all time?
— Bill (@bflip33) July 16, 2014

I actually answered this earlier before I realized this was a TweetBag question, but I'll reiterate that it's hard to top @Horse_eBooks before it was revealed to be an art project and @celebrityhottub, who is perhaps the best mixture of comedy and insight anywhere. But Embiid is close. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if he admitted he was behind @dril, who right now is the unquestioned overlord of Weird Twitter. Whether he's a perennial all-star or never plays a minute for the Sixers, I am so stoked to have him on the team.

And as a bonus, the following are my five favorite Tweets ever:

A Spippen is calling me on my caller ID but I don't know anyone named Spippen. Telemarketers really get my Goat.
— Mike (@__MICHAELJ0RDAN) April 13, 2012

Tomatoes are a rich source of lycopene (werewolf dick).
— lanyard (@lanyardigan) April 5, 2013

You can t afford the huge student
— Horse ebooks (@Horse_ebooks) December 8, 2012

another day volunteering at the betsy ross museum. everyone keeps asking me if they can fuck the flag. buddy, they wont even let me fuck it
— wint (@dril) February 20, 2012

Last time I hooped in Moore Gym I was guarding a dude with no socks on and he did a spin move and a smashed Mcdouble fell out his pocket.
— Yung Washcloth (@SamuelRahsaan) March 22, 2013

@tholzerman Who are you rooting for in this year's G1 Climax?
— David Dees Nuts (@NielJacoby) July 16, 2014

I don't watch New Japan Pro Wrestling, but I would be lying if I wasn't rooting for the King of Strong Style, the Swagmaster, the Coolest Motherfucker in Puroresu, Shinsuke Nakamura, to win the whole thing.

@tholzerman Does the WWE #BOlieve enough in Bo Dallas to have him capture the IC Title on Sunday?
— Ryan Ritter (@HLS_NDtex) July 16, 2014

I don't know if WWE BOlieves, but I sure as hell am struck with insBOration to see him win that Battle BOyal on Sunday. Bo Dallas is the biggest no-brainer choice to win a match since Daniel Bryan's run at WrestleMania XXX. What better way to show his mission is BO real than to have some hardware BOhind it? Plus, he already has a preexisting histBOry with RED BELLY. If anyone other than Dallas wins the Intercontinental Championship Sunday, I will be sad.

@tholzerman Is Vince McMahon bad at commentary or was the early Raw stuff over the top like that on purpose?
— bd(@IHatebd) July 16, 2014

McMahon may not have been a technically sound announcer - and I'm not sure this point isn't objective - he set a tone for WWE booths. His bombast and large vocabulary gave his promotion the air of being the thing to watch, the spectacle, the most important thing in sports entertainment. Michael Cole and JBL try to carry on that mission and fail miserably, but then again, McMahon didn't have live weekly television nor did he have the pressures of pleasing stockholders back then. A lot has changed in wrestling in 30 years, even if not a whole lot has really changed.

@tholzerman You prefer how Link Between Worlds gave out tools or the old way? PS: Which Zelda item would be the best foreign object gimmick?
— Kaiterra (@Kaiterra_) July 16, 2014

To answer the PS first, the boomerang would no doubt be the best foreign object, especially for a lone babyface trying to fight off a group of heels. As for the main question, I thought it was a nice way to differentiate the game from the other overhead-view Zelda games. Having to rent them again after dying was a bit annoying, but once I had the option to buy, well, it gave me opportunity to let off steam by thrashing enemies or cutting grass. Side note, what occupation in Hyrule is more lucrative with less beholdenment to a manager than landscaping? All the Rupees left in tall grass, you'd be stupid not to consider it as a side job at least.

@tholzerman can you power rank Wawa/Sheetz/QuikChek? We only have QC here in NY and I depend on their breakfast sandwiches to function.
— Jesse Cazakoff(@jessecaz) July 17, 2014

Full disclosure, I've only ever gotten coffee from a Quick Chek once, but it was good coffee. That store gets an INCOMPLETE ranking until I can get some food or something from there. So, that omission leaves only the battle that has torn Pennsylvania IN TWO. Wawa. Sheetz. East vs. West. Hoagiefest vs. putting a Sh- in front of everything. I've had both plenty of times, and, well, it's actually closer than any one partisan in the fight might want to admit. Sheetz has it over Wawa in coffee, which is a BIG battle to win. The quality and variety of coffee AND the accoutrements are better in Sheetz. I mean, I give the West a win in that category if only because it offers insulated cups and lids that have reliable closing tabs on them. If I had a nickel for every time I had spillage out of my Wawa cup, I'd have enough nickels to put into a sock and club the CEO with until he fixes the problem.

But other than coffee, Sheetz doesn't have a clear victory over Wawa in any category, especially recently. Wawa used to lag on its prepared food, but recently, it's come roaring back with quality. Sure, Sheetz has burgers and burritos, but I've had both. They're nothing to write home about. Meanwhile, Wawa has soup, which Sheetz doesn't, and really, every variant it offers except for Italian Wedding is dynamite. Hell, the New England clam chowder is better than a lot of the ones I've had IN New England. So yeah, Wawa wins this battle in a 10th round TKO.

@tholzerman What do you think of the downfall of Jim Ross? http://t.co/SVJzXGikgi
— Free Pro Wrestling! (@Free_Wrestling) July 17, 2014

Oh god, that shirt... yuck.

I try not to pay much attention to Ross anymore, because he's a bitter old man with bad social opinions. But lemme offer a bit of unsolicited opinion on the state of indie wrestling tees. I like the entrepreneurial spirit of these cats making a buck in addition to the paltry paydates they get for showing up to shows. Some of said shirts actually are cool, as I've bought quite a few of them. But man, the number of shirts that come out and are just cheap parodies of existing intellectual property disappoint me. I'm not saying ALL parody shirts are bad. I own a Chuck Taylor shirt that parodies the Dharma logo from LOST and a riff on the Obama "hope" fresco repping the Estonian Thunder Frog. Those shirts, to me, either elevated the concept or they just looked cool. A lot of shirts I see do neither. But still, I'll take a hacky, unoriginal indie t-shirt over some of the garish bullshit produced by WWE or TNA.

@tholzerman Why should we get excited for WWE signings when it usually means a wrestlers' best matches are forever behind them?
— Johnny Karaoke (@tokyovampires) July 17, 2014

That statement is a matter of opinion based on tastes, but assuming that quality of wrestling drops when you get to WWE, the best reason is payscale. Most people tend to at least have a desire to see those who are excellent at their craft to be compensated well for it. So when Bryan Danielson gets signed and is able to make six figures a year instead of two figures a show twice a weekend for 40 weekends a year, then at least I am happy for him to be able to buy a house and a car and all the cool stuff adults do with a career.

But back to the original point, I disagree that for every wrestler, their best matches are behind them when they go to WWE. I spent a lot of time at the ECW Arena watching Tyler Black flail around a ring, and I just did not enjoy what I was watching. Fast-forward to now, when he's one of my favorite wrestlers on RAW. I wasn't around for Danielson's peak in the indies, but if his run from Bragging Rights '10 through WrestleMania XXX is a downgrade from that time, then holy shit, he must have been goddamn ethereal. Of course, some wrestlers do get worse as their freedom to create is taken away, but every case is different.

@tholzerman Besides Ambrose-Rollins, what match most intrigues you for BATTLEGROUND?
— Brandon? (@brandonspears) July 17, 2014

Ambrose/Rollins doesn't intrigue me the most, actually. AJ Lee vs. Paige has me all kinds of giddy. I feel like their passive-aggressive BFF relationship right now is a front for something grander in scale going down at the special event. I also am looking forward to seeing if they avoid the DEATH SLOT. I'm slightly worried because Naomi and Cameron are going to get the pre-show, which means only one women's match is going to be on the main show. I hope Jack Swagger and Alexander Rusev get the death slot, but then again, Swagger's super over. I don't know, but it'll be exciting to see.

@tholzerman It's too late for the tweet bag but if Russia blew this Malaysian airliner out of the sky does WWE cool it with putin jokes?
— Kevin Newburn (@KevinNewburn) July 17, 2014

If WWE still had the "F," then I would have no doubts that McMahon would be doubling down. However, after the implementation of stockholders and sponsors and all kinds of other hoopla, the most severe thing that will happen is the status quo. But again, I'm glad the carny aspect of wrestling is going away or at least toning down.

This feud won't end at Battleground, but it'll get hotter Photo Credit: WWE.com

WWE’s seventh pay-per-view/special event of the year, Battleground, is coming up this Sunday. The show fills a weird spot this year in WWE’s event calendar, bridging the summer shows into Summerslam and ostensibly the fall season, so there’s a lot riding on its back. With massive stock losses after WrestleMania and the injury two high-profile champions, WWE has been struggling to quickly build heat for storylines that maybe wouldn’t have such a strong focus (or exist at all) if there was stronger ground right now, and the future of the WWE may live and die on the reaction to the outcome of Battleground.

I’ll be honest with you, I think that this might be the strongest card of the four post-Network “special events”. Sure, WrestleMania and some of the biggest iconic moments but none of those have really stuck, and Extreme Rules and Payback had two of my favorite matches WWE has done this year (both of the Shield/Evolution matches). After the safe-and-easy events of Money In The Bank, WWE really needed another standout semi-experimental card to get the fire back up in time for Summerslam, and I think they almost have that here. So without further adieu, here is your 2014 Battleground match card and predictions.

PRE-SHOW: Naomi vs Cameron

A Divas match going to the pre-show is huge, maybe bigger than a lot of people are giving it credit. The pre-show has traditionally been a sampler match to get people on the fence about purchasing the pay-per-view (or in this case, subscribing to the Network) to buy in, replacing the standard non-televised dark match. While I think that the concept has been more hit than miss, it has had a few stand-out matches since WWE has started doing this, like the stellar Usos/Shield tag match from last year’s Money In The Bank, and this year’s Four-Way Elimination Tag Team Title Scramble that concluded with the dissolution of The Real Americans as a tag team. I don’t think the pre-show slot has gone to any female wrestler in the company until now.

So WWE pitting two women who have been working together for the past few years against each other in a grudge match and using that to sell the show? It’s a big deal, and its two competitors are no slouches in the ring.

While I think Naomi can work circles around Cameron, the latter has shown some skill when it matters. If anyone is a good showcase for Naomi, probably the third best woman wrestling on the main roster right now, it’ll be her former partner. I wish there was more of a build-up to this match other than a few catfight segments, but breaking away from a tag team is exactly what Naomi needs right now at a time where the future of the Divas division is right on the horizon. She’s going to get her best competition yet.

MY PREDICTION: Naomi wins. This is kind of a no-brainer for the company right now, as Naomi is arguably the best person on Total Divas and a strong face turn and push for her would be good not just for her character in ring but her “reality” on the show. Naomi hasn’t really had much chance to shine other than a couple decent matches against former Divas Champion Paige and current Divas champion AJ Lee but the glimpses we’ve gotten of her really giving it her all have really impressed me. It’s only a matter of time before she has the Butterfly belt around her waist.

RUMORED MATCH: Damien Sandow vs. Adam Rose

Oh boy. This is a match that hasn’t been officially announced yet, but several commentators online have picked up on the fact that both Sandow and Rose have been pulled from the Intercontinental Championship Battle Royal that evening and might be set to face each other during the event.

I don’t see this getting any more than the “death slot” match, which is disappointing to say the least. Sandow has taken his recent repackaging as “crazy man who wears thematic costumes” in stride and remains one of the most entertaining things about the regular WWE programming. Rose may have a weak gimmick but he still has the same fire he had in the ring as he did as Leo Kruger — when he gets the chance to show it. Nevertheless, I don’t have much faith in this match being a showcase of either man’s talents, which is truly a shame.

MY PREDICTION: Damien Sandow wins. Just purely on the fact that Sandow has lost the last couple of times these two have come face to face, I could see him getting a rub and maybe getting out of the slump here. I’m just bummed we won’t get Greatest Intercontinental Champion Ever Honky Tonk Sandow.

SINGLES MATCH FOR AMERICA: Jack Swagger vs. Rusev

Here’s another match-up I’m incredibly lukewarm on. I’m one of the few people who actually likes Rusev beyond just his manager Lana being a pretty face. That dude has grown into his gimmick so well in the past two years, and his last two matches against Big E were really great. I even liked Swagger for a bit, until he injured Wade Barrett and put him out of commission at the worst time possible, right before Money In The Bank. I get that Swagger is supposed to be an all-American but I just don’t really see the reason for why he specifically is feuding with Rusev, let alone getting a face turn. It’s not Swagger that was over in the Real Americans; it was Zeb Colter and Cesaro.

Now Cesaro ditched him and Colter is spouting the same weird xenophobic schtick as before but now we are supposed to legitimately cheer for him because he’s going after an evil foreign man. I think it’s a waste of a team-up and they had a much better angle continuing the feud with Big E and executing a much better face turn for this gimmick.

MY PREDICTION: Rusev wins. It’s almost inevitable at this point, but what’ll happen after the match is what is important.

Rusev is going to hold the Accolade for too long, Swagger will be in pain, and Big E is going to run in and save the day. Yes, Big E, the man who had a brief feud with the Real Americans and continues to be a plague in former Real American Cesaro’s side, will rescue some he is ideologically opposed to because it’s the right thing to do. Colter sees the light, realizes that people that are different from him aren’t evil, and Big E and Swagger form an uneasy coalition to finally beat Rusev at Summerslam. Big E is the only man to almost break out of the Accolade twice, and we almost need to see that third time now, to see him overcome. He’s got to here or this angle really will have been squandered.

GRUDGE MATCH FROM HELL: Dean Ambrose vs. Seth Rollins

Now we’re getting to the meat and potatoes of the card. After The Coward Seth Rollins laid waste to Dean Ambrose on the RAW after Payback and then screwed him out of the Money In The Bank briefcase with the help of THE DEMON KANE™, we’ve been teased with a big Ambrose/Rollins bout. While I doubt this will be the blow-off for this feud, it’ll be exciting to see how far these two go in what will hopefully be the first of many matches. Ambrose and Rollins were dynamite when they were on the same side, and seeing both of those wrestling mentalities squaring off against each other in the ring will be exhilarating to say the least.

MY PREDICTION: DQ Finish, probably in Dean’s favor. Having someone getting a deciding pin, even in roll-up fashion, this early in the feud would probably kill any momentum the actual storyline would have (just look at the Cena/Wyatt feud post-Wrestlemania) so I doubt we’ll get a clean finish this early. However definitely expect to see Ambrose dominate the match for the most part, to keep Rollins looking like a weasel.

If I had to guess who would interfere in this match I’d say probably Kane, which seems to be all he’s been capable of doing lately. There’s also a possibility of some of Ambrose’s trademark crowd brawling drawing a count-out finish, but that’d seem like so much whimper rather than a bang.

TWO-OUT-OF-THREE FALLS TAG TEAM MATCH FOR THE WWE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP (OF THE WORLD): The Usos (c) vs. The Wyatt Family

I’ll be honest, out of all the matches announced for this card this is the one I’m the least excited for, just based on what could have been a great idea (The Wyatt Family taking the bronze and gold at Money In The Bank) being squandered. I’ll be curious to see how the match stipulation plays out but I’ll be honest with you, this might be the easiest prediction ever.

MY PREDICTION: The Wyatt Family wins the title, probably trucking the Usos 2 falls to nil. I just don’t see how we can get this far with the back and forth between The Usos and The Wyatts without the Wyatts going over when it matters. It matters here, it’s a big victory that’d bring some legitimacy to the faction, and goes well with my prediction for this next match.

SINGLES MATCH THAT I DON’T HAVE A CLEVER TITLE FOR: Bray Wyatt vs Chris Jericho

This is a tough one, especially because I’ll be actually at the event and this is probably the one match I’m most excited for above all. I’m a big fan of Chris Jericho. Long boring story short he was one of the first wrestlers I ever took notice of when I started watching, and while it wasn’t until I was older that I really appreciated what he did in the ring, his mannerisms always stuck with me. I’ve been excited every time he’s come back, especially when he came back just in time to be at the event I’m going to be at. I even bought an old WCW Jericho shirt just special for Battleground.

However… Bray Wyatt may legitimately be one of my favorite guys working on WWE right now. I’m the biggest stan of Wyatt. I’ve weathered every criticism so far, that he’s boring or that he doesn’t really say anything or that he’s not that good in the ring, because when that music hits and the lights go out I still get goosepimples down my arm.

Wyatt’s been hurt a lot by how he’s been handled since coming up to the main roster, especially after the aborted Daniel Wyatt angle that then thrust him in the path of The John Cena Experience. I fully believe it’s not 100% on him. Any time he’s in the ring he gives it everything he has; he just hasn’t gotten the proper push. Jericho is a guy who has kind of made his name late in life as someone who puts everyone over, but frankly he’s in a position where that’s exactly what he should be doing. Almost anyone who criticizes him for putting Fandango over at WrestleMania kind of ignore that WWE had clearly been kind of building ‘Dango up to be something big and then just ran out of opponents to put him with immediately after the event. When they started positioning him for great things he took a Broski Boot to the skull that pushed him down to dance offs against Great Khali. Wyatt is in exactly the right position to use the Jericho Push to propel him to great things.

MY PREDICTION: DQ finish, setting up an angle that culminates with a retirement match for Jericho. Like I said, this is a tough one and could have gone either way. If Jericho won immediately we’d have another “Cena beating Wyatt at WrestleMania and then still feuded with him” situation, but I don’t think Wyatt completely trucking Jericho for three months of paid television works to boost him either. A DQ finish here, setting up a Wyatt win at SummerSlam one year after his debut and then having Bray retire Jericho at Night Of Champions might be exactly what Wyatt needs to rehab his image.

Why a retirement match, you ask? Let’s face it, Father Time is harsh on us all and Chris Jericho isn’t getting any younger. He’s clearly more into his music than wrestling nowadays, and according to the dirt sheets he’s only sticking around until Night Of Champions. They’ve already announced tour dates for the end of the year for Fozzy, so what perfect way to send him off than to officially retire. Maybe a Hall Of Fame spot for Wrestlemania 31, going in alongside the man he debuted against, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson? Either way, legitimately sending a legend like Jericho out for good is exactly the kick in the pants Bray Wyatt needs to get back on the righteous path.

THE TOTALLY OVER-THE-TOP TWENTY MAN BATTLE ROYAL FOR THE VACATED INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP…MATCH: Alberto del Rio vs. Big E vs. Bo Dallas vs. Cesaro vs. Curtis Axel vs. Diego vs. Dolph Ziggler vs. Fandango vs. Heath Slater vs. Kofi Kingston vs. Rob van Dam vs. R-Truth vs. Ryback vs. Sheamus vs. Sin Cara vs. The Great Khali vs. The Miz vs. Titus O'Neil vs. Xavier Woods vs. Zack Ryder

*deep breath*

This match only came about because of Jack Swagger doing what Jack Swagger seems to do best - injuring dudes going higher up the card than him by botching the most basic of spots.

Last time it was a big boot to the dome that concussed then-World Heavyweight Champion Dolph Ziggler, causing The Show-Off’s title reign to come to an abrupt and unfair ending right when it was really getting started. This time it was an ill-timed barricade toss that separated the shoulder of then-Intercontinental Champion Wade Barrett, causing the Bearer Of Bad News’s title reign to come to an abrupt and unfair ending right when it was really getting started. Next time it’ll be a time machine and he’ll go back and do an actual Heart Punch to a young Bruno Sammartino, blowing it up and causing his WWWF World Heavyweight Championship title reign to come to an abrupt and unfair ending right when it was really getting started.

But I digress. Title vacated, The Authority have decided to reassign the title to whoever can stay in the ring after everyone else is eliminated. The big announcement for this match is that Barrett himself will be there to present the title to the victor, leading me to speculate that this might also set up some angle for a future title rematch. There are the typical filler spots of course, but there’s a couple of guys I really think could do a lot with the title and could use the rub.

MY PREDICTIONS: It may be easier to just list off why I think these people could win and what I would do if I were booking them post-victory.

• Sheamus: He’s the current United States Champion, and trust me I think it’s really dumb he’s in this match. Now that he’s got a feud going with The Miz it’d make way more sense to have them fight over that title (since it’s already there) but I don’t get paid to write wrestling unfortunately.

They’ve teased the idea of Sheamus unifying the two titles, so that’s as good a reason as any to put another belt on him. I just hope he gives the new title a great name like the Inter-State Champion, ala Kurt Angle’s Euro-Continental title run.

As for what I’d do with Sheamus after he won: I dunno, 10 more matches between Sheamus and Alberto del Rio and The Miz with no ramifications whatsoever? Sheamus is a weird guy because he’s a current and former champion but somehow creative has no idea what to do with him and he doesn’t seem to have any drive to push new ideas forward. If he won I don’t see a good reason to bring Barrett back as wanting the title again, but there’s probably enough heat between the two that you could get a few good matches out of them before putting a belt back on Barrett.

• The Miz: The Awesome One has returned from filming The Marine 4: Moving Target and has gone “Hollywood”. I honestly can’t tell if this take on the Hollywood gimmick is a rib on those who have identified as such in the past or a legitimate thing that he’s trying to pull off. Good for him because it’s really working. Since he’s returned he’s cut two of probably my favorite promos he’s ever done and now he’s in a title match so why not put the title on him? He’s the Marine, dammit!

As for what I’d do with The Miz after winning: feud with Sheamus, maybe unify the titles in the future? He’s another guy like Sheamus who is such a company man he’ll always have a job with WWE but will never get an creative backing because he doesn’t have the spine to push for anything big. Although honestly, a feud between Miz and Barrett over this Intercontinental title might be cool.

• Cesaro: Big fan of Cesaro. He’s not doing much of anything right now except playing second fiddle to Paul Heyman’s client Brock Lesnar, who broke the Undertaker’s 21-match undefeated streak at Wrestlemania. You know, the Beast Incarnate?

Anyway, Cesaro. He really needs something to do right now, and if anyone deserves a title it’s him. He’s already proved himself great in battle royals when it counts, winning the inaugural Andre The Giant Memorial Battle Royal at Wrestlemania 30. While the Intercontinental title might seem like a step down for a man who has had two WWE World Heavyweight Championship title shots this year, this secondary title might be the perfect springboard this Heyman Guy needs back to the top of the card where he probably belongs.

A feud with Barrett would be a no-brainer, but the more obvious bout would be against a certain client who is the 1-In-21-And-1. The setup is there, the disgruntled and jilted former partner of Heyman going against a dominating force, it’s just the stars that need to align.

• Dolph Ziggler: This is kind of an easy guy to slot in here. Big fan of Dolph and although I know he’ll probably never smell the main event scene again, but a decent run with the Intercontinental title could be a good runner-up prize for a guy who puts it all on the line, stealing the damn show and sometimes your girlfriend.

He and Barrett also had that crazy good match on Raw that one time. The one where Wade and Dolph talked about how great the match they were having was, during the match? You know, that one? Let’s do that five more times and call it a year.

FRENEMY VS FRENEMY WITH THE DIVAS TITLE ON THE LINE: AJ Lee (c) vs Paige

This is another match I’m really excited for. Without going into great detail, I’m huge fans of Paige and Lee. I really hate the mirrored flash victories both had to beat each other for the title. I’m hoping for a good long match that gives us a good build for what could be the next Trish Stratus vs Lita. Both wrestlers have a different enough style that can lead to some interesting matches, and a good feud between these two at a time when the future of the Divas division has never been brighter could really elevate what has traditionally been a blindspot for WWE.

MY PREDICTION: AJ wins and retains the title. I’m hoping we get at least a 15 minute match. Honestly I think it was stupid to take the title of Paige, the better storyline is AJ failing where Paige succeeded and the ramifications of that, but you play with the hand you’re dealt.

FATAL FOUR-WAY FOR THE WWE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP: John Cena vs. Roman Reigns vs Randy Orton vs Kane

This isn’t happening. This match is taking place in a dream, and I’m going to wake up soon, right? Ugh.

With christened Champion Daniel Bryan out with neck injuries, WWE scrambled to put the title on someone new, falling back onto tried and true John Cena. This lead to some sort of four way battle where newly minted babyface Roman Reigns is in this match despite The Authority hating him, and the storyline is apparently how The Authority (Orton, Kane and Rollins alongside Triple H and Stephanie McMahon) are at odds and may not even get along during this match and the aftermath.

And then there’s Paul Heyman’s threatened Option C, cashing in the X Division title for a shot at…whoops wrong company. Heyman’s Plan C is of course, the recent Conqueror Of The Streak Brock Lesnar. We know this because they’ve already leaked a Summerslam poster featuring Brock Lesnar and John Cena, and a trailer for SummerSlam featuring Brock Lesnar and John Cena. There are some people who believe that Plan C stands for CM Punk. Those people are fools.

This is just… a mismanaged cluster of a match. The outcome is so obvious it’s so insulting, but if they really went for the swerve of all swerves it wouldn’t really feel like it meant anything at all.

MY PREDICTION: Cena wins, I type while laughing out loud. Or Reigns wins, I type laughing out loud as well.

My dark horse is #thagawdrandyorton.

All about that hardware up top Photo Credit: WWE.com

Welcome to this week's Polling Place, where I ask the questions and you vote on the answers. First up, Battleground is upcoming on Sunday, and one of the biggest matches, both in terms of importance and number of competitors, is the Intercontinental Championship Battle Royale. Jack Swagger injured the former Champ, RED BELLY Wade Barrett before Money in the Bank, and now his title is vacant. Twenty men will enter, but only one will exit as Champion. Who ya got?


Second, Sting finally bit the bullet and came into the WWE fold preliminarily through a commercial for the new video game, WWE 2K15. An interview conducted by TMZ revealed he has a desire to wrestle for the company, which would make him the final holdout of the old WCW standbys to enter a WWE ring. However, his final runs in TNA weren't all that spectacular, and he's only getting older. Which side of the fence are you on when it comes to Sting actually wrestling in a match?


Finally, even with its massive financial losses recently, WWE remains the top wrestling company in the United States (and Canada), but the battle for number two is almost as fierce as the old Monday Night Wars were back in the day. TNA ostensibly has the inside track thanks to having the widest television distribution, but its live gates are lagging. Meanwhile, Ring of Honor had some good numbers on its first foray into live, traditional pay-per-view. The two companies compete for talent voraciously, but are they fighting the right battle? Global Force Wrestling hasn't put on a single card yet, but Jeff Jarrett and co. are building something intriguing, taking their time before putting anything rash out. And then New Japan Pro Wrestling has a sizable presence in North America with pay-per-view, which thankfully will continue after Ustream gets out of the iPPV game. Who do you think is the true biggest of the rest in America?

It is indeed time for another edition of This Week in Sid History. And folks, we have a special moment in Sid’s history to cover. This one is once again in WCW, but we have to go back 21 years. It’s the summertime and what better way to celebrate than with covering the Beach Blast pay-per-view main event tag team match between Sid and Vader versus Sting and the British Bulldog, a.k.a. Davey Boy Smith. Before I get into the action, I want to add this tidbit. Since the WWE Network was free for one week, this was the one show I chose to watch in its entirety.

I, unlike some of you with disposable incomes, don’t have the Network. This pretty much was my one chance to see if I would ever consider getting the Network in the near future. As nice as that library was, I’m not sure that I’ll be getting it anytime soon. While I was watching Beach Blast, the video player crashed a couple of times. Maybe this was on my end, but I don’t know.The one thing that annoyed me more was the fast forward/rewinding option. It shouldn’t necessarily be that hard to pick up where you left off. Maybe I’m probably the only person/fish in the world who has this problem, but it is still an issue for me. I don’t need the headaches. So... thanks, but no thanks WWE. I hope you get all the issues worked out. Until then, sorry I’m not interested. Thanks for the free preview, though.

Back to Beach Blast…

Yes folks, before there was Bash at the Beach, there was Beach Blast. WCW ran the PPV event with this title only twice. The event being covered took place July 18, 1993 at the Mississippi (Gulf) Coast Coliseum in Biloxi. First Wrestling Observer Newsletter tidbit: According to the July 26, 1993 newsletter, this event was part of a cross-promotion with a Mississippi casino. The casino reportedly paid $10,000 to WCW. So they did make some money out of this deal. The Beach Blast card featured four title bouts, including an NWA World Heavyweight title match between Barry Windham and Ric Flair. The card also featured Paul Orndorff vs. Ron Simmons, Lord Steven Regal vs. Erik Watts, Johnny B. Badd vs. Maxx Payne, 2 Cold Scorpio/Buff Daddy vs. whatever cowboy gimmick the Godwinns were going by in WCW, Dustin Rhodes vs. Rick Rude in a 30-minute iron man match and the Hollywood Blondes vs. the Four Horsemen variation of Arn Anderson and Paul Roma.

This might come as a shock to you, but the Sid/Vader-Sting/Bulldog match was one of the better matches on the show. Dave Meltzer gave this main event match 3 ¼ stars, the same as the Blonds/Horsemen tag match. The show itself received a thumbs down in close voting. However, they voted the main event match as the best on the show. I’ll tell you this, it pretty much was the best match on the show. The Blondes/Horsemen tag match was probably my favorite, though. But yes this Sid tag match was better than Flair/Windham, who have had a million matches that were better and longer. It was also better than Rhodes/Rude. And it was definitely better than Badd/Maxx.

Our heroes are joined by their respective managers: Vader was with legendary wrestler Harley Race and Sid was with Colonel Robert Parker. Parker, otherwise known as Robert Fuller (or Robert Welch), worked down in the Gulf Coast for years before joining WCW in 1993 with Sid, who was back after a stint in the WWF. Parker was in a tag team for years with Jimmy Golden, a.k.a. Bunkhouse Buck, a.k.a. Jack Swagger Sr. Sting and Smith made their way to the arena. They were both wearing Red, White and Blue. Obviously, those are the colors for America and Great Britain. This was pretty much the pre-Allied Powers or whatever they tried to do with Lex Luger in WWF.

All four combatants were in the ring and stared each other down. It was Sid and Sting who started the match. Sting took down Sid and punched the giant, after Sid shoved him. Sting did his patented bulldogs to try and keep the big man down. However, our hero responded with a one-handed/one-armed/one-something chokeslam. The Masters of the Powerbomb double-teamed Sting. Smith got in to help, but both men were thrown out of the ring. Neither Sting or Smith were down for long as they soon climbed the top rope and knocked down the giants. Both MotP members recuperated outside the ring. Sid got back on the ring apron, but was knocked back down.

After more action, Smith and Vader were tagged in. The two men fought with Vader gaining the advantage. Smith regained his composure and picked up Vader for a suplex. The comeback by Smith was halted when he was knocked down by Vader, who tagged Sid. Sid continued to work over Bulldog, beating him up and preventing him from getting the tag to Sting. The MotP tagged again and Vader continued to work over Bulldog. Out of frustration, Sting got into it with Vader, who proceeded to rip off his mask, leading to an audible gasp by myself. With Sting steaming in the corner, Vader and Sid continued to work over Smith. However, the Bulldog fought back, attempted a sunset flip and nearly got crushed by Vader. Smith moved out of the way just in time. Race got involved by getting on the apron and grabbed hold of Smith. As Vader approached, Smith got out of the way, knocking down Race. Terrible idea, in hindsight! Bulldog made his way back to the corner and tagged Sting and soon Sting became the Stinger and just destroyed everybody in sight.

Sting stayed hot for about a minute, but was soon blindsided by Sid. This gave Sid the opportunity to inflict pain on Sting, choking him out with his boot in the corner. MotP double-teamed Sting again and soon it was Vader’s turn to destroy. Vader soon had Sting on the top rope and ready to do a superplex when Sting bit Vader and pushed him off the middle rope. Yes, that is right Sting bit Vader. That was an actual form of defense to prevent a superplex. Sting got to his corner and tagged in Smith. But Sid got in and knocked down Smith, tagging in Vader afterward.

Vader worked over Bulldog and eventually did his Vader Bomb. Sting got into the ring quick enough to stop the three count. Sid grabbed Sting and threw him outside and the two fought back and forth on the elevated ramp. During this time, Vader did a moonsault, which amazed everybody. I’ll admit, I was kind of amazed too. Vader’s moonsaults were always awesome. With Vader having Smith out, he went for the pinfall, but OUT OF NOWHERE, Sting flew back into the ring and saved Bulldog. The final move of the match was Bulldog getting Vader down for a pinfall via a crucifix and that was that. Sting and Smith won and Sid and Vader lost.

Unfortunately, this match wasn’t on YouTube. Your best bet is to find it on the WWE Network. Now I’m sure some of you would like to to write something on the Beach Blast promo video. I’m planning to get to that next time.

Even if he beat the piss out of Ambrose for them, Kane doesn't deserve the Authority's friendship Photo Credit: WWE.com

Here we are, on the verge of another PPV, though I'm pretty sure Money in the Bank just happened yesterday... (Ed. Note: This was written before Battleground)

Doesn't Deserve the Friends He Has—Kane
Kane is just kind of there right now. He's part of all the Authority shenanigans and he's in the fatal four way match for the WWE World Heavyweight Championship, but he's just adding nothing to the proceedings. Dean Ambrose and Seth Rollins had their latest talking segment on Smackdown and when Rollins revealed that Ambrose would face Kane later on the show, I was so non-plussed - “Oh, it's just Kane. Again.”

I know that Kane can be a divisive figure in that people tend to like him or hate him. Personally, I've pretty much always liked Kane and thought that he could be relied upon to bring something to whatever he was involved in. Lately, though, I feel that Kane contributes nothing of value to either storylines or matches. They've been insisting on calling him THE DEMON KANE™, but he hasn't struck me as being particularly demonic for a while now. He's lost his impact and doesn't deserve to hang out with the cool kids anymore.

Should Be Friends—Fandango and Miz
Fandango and Miz tagged together against Sheamus and Dolph Ziggler, and it was immediately clear to me that the former duo should be friends. Fandango is clearly feeling disoriented after (deservedly) losing both his gal pals, while Miz has no one who understands his need to protect his face. They're both theatrical types—a dancer and an actor—who should support each other in their artistic endeavours. I'm not saying that they should be an official tag team, but I like thinking that they'll continue to have each other's backs against philistines like Sheamus and Ziggler. Champions of the arts unite! Heck, even JBL picked up on this potential friendship. It's THAT obvious.

Most Unfortunate Break-Up—Nikki and Brie Bella
Okay, Nikki and Brie didn't “break up” so much as Brie just left, but either way the sisters' split has led to a shitty outcome. This could have been a great opportunity for Nikki to establish her own identity and win some crowd support against the evil machinations of Stephanie McMahon, but things haven't played out that way at all. Instead, Nikki is stuck in a holding pattern wherein she's constantly punished for Brie's actions, but absolutely no progress is being made—it's just the same thing every week. Worse still, Eva Marie and Alicia Fox are apparently also stuck in the loop as McMahon's minions.

On Smackdown, Nikki was forced to officiate a match between Fox and Eva Marie, but the two opponents ending up turning on their ref, giving us yet another two-on-one beatdown. I felt so awful for all three participants because none of them got any mic time beforehand to communicate either Nikki's feelings or her opponents' plan. The match began with Eva Marie and Fox shoving each other and not doing much else, which was intensely boring and excruciating to watch. Of course, their actions made sense once they joined together in attacking Nikki, but since the audience was not made aware of their intentions beforehand, it just made all the women look hopelessly incompetent. Neither Eva Marie nor Nikki Bella have much in the way of acting talent (Alicia Fox has become pretty entertaining, but I don't think we've really seen her emote); in order to sell a narrative they need help, and they are getting absolutely no assistance. Instead they're being thrown to the wolves due to lazy writing.

Most Stable Friendship—The Wyatt Family
Chris Jericho and Luke Harper had an enjoyable match, and the Wyatts demonstrated that their brand of friendship is still going strong. There was a moment about two-thirds of the way through the match when Harper thought he'd won, but Jericho kicked out and Harper couldn't believe it. He started to freak out, but automatically turned to look in Bray's direction for support and guidance. Beautiful. The Wyatts have a such a well-established support system.

Should Not Be Friends—The Real Americans and the Audience.
This has got to stop. First of all, Zeb Colter calling Rusev “Bullwinkle” makes no sense (maybe if he was Canadian, sure)--the name he's looking for is “Boris.” However, if the Real Americans were still being portrayed as heels, this wouldn't be a problem. Colter always spouts shit that is clearly wrong and we used to laugh at him and boo him for it because he is an IGNORANT RACIST and we should not take him seriously. Which brings me to my second point: NOTHING about these characters has changed. They're still ignorant racists, still saying ridiculous things, still engaging in the most ludicrous forms of flag-waving (literally), but now we're supposed to cheer for them? Well, you Americans are. I have no idea what the rest of us are supposed to be getting out of this. Way to think globally, WWE!

Just...please stop cheering for this nonsense, WWE audience members. Look at your lives. Look at your choices.

Deserves a Friend—Alberto del Rio
I don't think I've mentioned yet how much I love Alberto del Rio, but I really do love him and I'm tired of people calling him boring and of his character going nowhere. His match against Kofi Kingston wasn't just tedious because we've seen them go up against each other so many times in the past, but also because we know that neither of them has the smallest chance of winning the Battle Royale for the Intercontinental Championship. I've written before about Kingston needing something to propel him forward, but I feel even more strongly about del Rio. We all loved him and Ricardo Rodriguez together, right? Can we do that again? del Rio is better when he has someone he can consistently play off of, so let's give him an underling/secret friend and let the magic happen again.

Best Friends—Summer Rae and Layla
After last week's commentary disappointment, I was so glad to be back on the Summer/Layla friendship high this week. Of course, commentary still wouldn't shut up about the ridiculously old news of Fandango dumping Summer on Twitter, but I barely even heard them because I was so busy basking in all the FRIENDSHIP. It kicked off with the two ladies kicking their former dance partner to the curb and not showing the slightest inclination to take him back. Then this dazzling display of support was followed up with their tag match against Paige and AJ, during which Summer yelled “That's my friend!” in appreciation of Layla's offence, while Layla checked to make sure her partner was okay before tagging in. This is what I want to see - friends loving and supporting each other.

Supplemental mention of Bo Dallas' sage advice to Fandango on how to cope with losing his ladies. He's such a good friend!

Best Frenemies—Paige and AJ Lee
Just like with the Nikki Bella situation, Paige and Lee have been given precious little talking time to help tell their story. The difference is that the latter women have the benefit of better developed acting skills. They did some great facial work at the end of their match, from Paige's surprise and resentment at Lee tagging herself in to finish the match, to Lee's initial cocky celebration followed by uncertainty that she may have pushed Paige too far, to Paige's eventual mastery of her emotions, to both of them hugging it out in wonderfully insincere fashion. I hate that they have to work so hard just to tell a simple narrative, but bless all of these women for being so much better than the material they are given.

Scott was less than happy Friday when her personal space was rudely invaded Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein

Veda Scott posted this message to her social media accounts the other day:

Absurd this has to be said: as a fan, it's NEVER appropriate to put your hands on a performer. Ever. If you do, deal with the consequences
— Veda Scott (@itsvedatime) July 19, 2014

It was in response to an incident that happened at the Ring of Honor event Friday night in Cincinnati, OH when a fan thought it was well within his rights to slap Scott's rear end after a match where she was managing RD Evans. The fan thankfully was thrown out, but according to friend of the blog Martin Bentley, that fan actually weaseled his way back into the show. So much for dealing with the consequences, eh, ROH? Then again, the company's party line seems to cater to all the worst misogynists. Who else would put on a show where a fan was allowed to wantonly throw a quarter at Seleziya Sparx in an attempt to get her to show her breasts and not get thrown out? Given that its color commentator, Nigel McGuinness, was allowed to speculate aloud whether Scott was wearing underwear during a broadcast, where "fan-favorite" Cheeseburger was scripted to sexually assault Maria Kanellis in an attempt to get heat in a feud against Michael Bennett, where the "Hoopla Hotties" were a thing that actually existed, and where the "Women of Honor" division is STILL waiting to take off, I'm not sure anyone ought to be surprised that stunted manchildren feel empowered to smack a female employee on the ass and be able to get away with it.

Still, emboldened fans don't just touch performers in the confines of ROH shows. CM Punk had an incident where he decked a fan for physically bothering him while he tried to cut a promo from the crowd a few years back. Even in the normally "safe" confines of a Chikara show, I've seen fans brazenly reach over the barricade to tussle performers' hair in ways that were unwelcome. A popular target for such an attack used to be Jakob Hammermeier (missin' u, buddy). Every time someone would reach for his hair, he'd recoil and look at them like they pissed in his sauerkraut. I never blamed him.

I don't know what makes fans feel the need to physically engage a performer on the show, but the fact is that it is not your right with a paid ticket to touch anyone involved with the show unless they give consent, explicit or otherwise. You want to slap a hand? Reach it out and hope that the wrestler will reciprocate. Otherwise, keep your damn dirty mitts to yourself. That maxim rings QUADRUPLE-true if you're attempting to touch a wrestler in a sexual manner that is clearly out of bounds. A good shorthand rule to remember is that NO ONE WANTS TO BE TOUCHED SEXUALLY unless they explicitly say so. The fact that anyone thinks otherwise and then has his punishment revoked is a slap in the face of every self-respecting wrestling fan who goes to the show just to watch some good, ol' fashioned professional wrestling.

Ring of Honor's management needs to look itself in the mirror and enact some better policies and storytelling modes that are welcoming to fans of all races and genders, but the ultimate blame belongs to the fans out there who are uncouth enough to believe they can interject themselves into a show where their only role is to cheer or boo. You don't touch the wrestlers. YOU DON'T TOUCH THE WRESTLERS. YOU. DON'T. TOUCH. THE. WRESTLERS. If you do, then you should be considered lucky if the worst that happens to you is that you get thrown out of the fucking building.

Kevin Steen wrestled his final Ring of Honor match on Saturday in Dearborn, MI against Steve Corino. While his longtime frenemy El Generico got to wrestle his final ROH match against Steen at Final Battle 2012 before going to help the orphans in Mexico, Steen himself was not afforded the same opportunity. Instead, he went up against another longtime rival/ally in Steve Corino. Circumstances are funny things. Now that Steen has finished his tenure in ROH and will move onto working as a freelance air conditioner installer and GAP employee in Orlando, I want to begin the celebration of the first part of his career with a match containing three of the wrestlers most inexorably linked to him in the last five years: Generico, Matt Jackson, and Nick Jackson. This match saw Steen turn on his former buddy and begin the five year warpath that made ROH worth watching (and Pro Wrestling Guerrilla even MORE worth watching) even when Davey Richards, Eddie Edwards, and Roderick Strong were at their most insufferable. Check it out.

The star of the show, and he was technically supposed to be kicked out of the arena Photo Credit: WWE.com

Oppa TH Style

Highlights:

• In the first pre-show match, Adam Rose quickly dispatched of Fandango with the Party Foul after both the latter's exes distracted him as part of the Rosebud Brigade.
• In the second pre-show match, Cameron quickly rolled up Naomi to get a cheap pinfall.
• The Usos retained the WWE Tag Team Championships over the Wyatt Family, two falls to one, with a double Superfly Splash to Rowan for the final fall.
• The Seth Rollins/Dean Ambrose match was called off after Ambrose assaulted Rollins during a backstage interview. Triple H threw Ambrose out of the arena.
• AJ Lee bested Paige to retain the Divas Championship after a shining wizard.
• Alexander Rusev defeated Jack Swagger via countout after reversing a Patriot Lock on the outside of the ring into a flip into the ringpost. After the match, Rusev continued his assault by putting Swagger in the Accolade.
• Rollins came out to claim a forfeit victory over Ambrose, which drew an attack from the aforementioned Lunatic Fringe.
• Chris Jericho defeated Bray Wyatt with a Codebreaker OUTTA NOWHERE.
• The Miz won the Intercontinental Championship Battle Royale by skulking outside the ring after being thrown through the ropes and then dumping Dolph Ziggler over the top after he thought he indeed won.
• In the main event, John Cena retained the WWE World Heavyweight Championship by giving Randy Orton the Attitude Adjustment on top of Kane and then pinning the latter.

General Observations:

• I switched on The Network about a half-hour before the pre-show was set to begin, and it was replaying last year's Battleground event. Seeing Daniel Bryan as an active, healthy wrestler made me feel so, so sad.
• Fandango vs. Adam Rose on the pre-show? My WWE got generous with the freebie action, didn't it?
• Layla and Summer Rae came out leading the Rosebuds to the ring, because of course they did. Both ended up slapping Fandango which somehow didn't draw a disqualification. But hey, when you can put match that doesn't last as long as the average Jason Biggs sexual encounter in American Pie on an extended pay-per-view event, you gotta do it, right?
• Second pre-show match! Cameron came out in Catholic schoolgirl-themed gear. I can only imagine the order came in for that to Sandra the Seamstress straight from Kevin Dunn.
• "All women secretly hate each other." Oh fuck off, Jerry Lawler.
• Naomi did at least get some chants from the crowd. Could it be that giving women agency past being sexy cattle endears them to the crowd? COULD IT?
• Booker T actually said that Kofi Kingston was going to win the Intercontinental Championship Battle Royale because he's "ready to break through." Break through what, the record for most combined reigns with the secondary belts? Did Booker realize that Kingston holding the IC or United States Championships has become the Mendoza Line for those belts?
• Jey Uso started the main show off with a bang by giving Erick Rowan a slap so hard that it knocked the sheep mask from his face to the floor. I think that move was called setting the tone.
• I love Luke Harper's vertical suplexes. He hits them by cradling the neck like he's landing with a neckbreaker, which actually makes the move look like it hurts the taker more than it does the giver. The camera angle of him giving it to Jey showed his execution on it perfectly.
• Oh man, the first two falls came in this match within the first five minutes, it seemed. The best way to make a multiple fall stipulation lose all effect is to treat the first falls like they're RAW matches, circa 1998.
• Seriously, it seemed like midway through the third fall, the Usos were working as faces in peril for 90% of the match, although later, it would be paid back in full.
• I also love the dynamic between Harper and Rowan, how Rowan is like the mythical Golem, and Harper is the rabbi who controls him. Even if the booking does the faction no favors, the Wyatts are operating on a different level in terms of character than most wrestlers in WWE right now.
• Every time Michael Cole says "U-SO CRAZY!" I want him to be poked with a hot branding iron right in his scrotum.
• The high spots in this match were way too numerous to mention all of them (even if they all fit in the scheme perfectly), but Jimmy breaking out the old "run the barricade parkour splash" was probably the most impressive thing I saw all match.
• Rowan kicked out of a Superfly Splash, and the arena sighed like it had just watched Ryan Howard kill a rally with a strikeout. When you protect a finisher like the Usos have with the splash, you get that kind of reaction when it doesn't work.
• Rowan superplexed both Usos at the same time, and I got an uncontrollably throbbing HOSS erection that still hasn't subsided yet.
• How do you let a crowd decompress naturally after a hot opener before the second match? You film an angle that postpones one of the other scheduled matches, that's what! I wasn't too upset with the Dean Ambrose/Seth Rollins match getting cancelled for the night because I wasn't particularly ready for their first match to happen at fucking Battleground of all places.
• Sign in the crowd at the start of the AJ Lee/Paige match read "AJ, marry me? I'm already 43." Gross. Then again, maybe a reason already existed as to why that guy was in his 40s and still didn't find someone with whom to settle down.
• For as little time as Lee and Paige got to build their match, they packed in a whole bunch of story during it. The beginning had some rough collar and elbow exchanges that saw both competitors acting passive-aggressively graciously after the clean breaks. Then later on, Paige kept screeching at Lee to just lose already due to her own frustration, which may have been foreshadowing for RAW tonight.
• AS good as the match was in terms of story, I was a bit disappointed with how sloppy it was. It sure wasn't the worst offender on the card, but I know both wrestlers are capable of better.
• I'm also shocked that WWE announcers haven't given a cutesy, Stamfordized name to the shining wizard yet.
• Randy Orton was seen backstage trying to fish an apology out of Kane. I need to see more of that Orton in my life and less of the wallflower dude who does RKOs while Triple H blathers on and Seth Rollins is the only main focus of the Authority.
• When Malaysia Airlines flight MH17 was shot down by pro-Russian rebels in Eastern Ukraine, speculation started to swirl whether it would affect the Lana/Alexander Rusev act. Lana came right out and referenced "current events," which was WWE's way of saying "NOPE THE FUCK WE AIN'T BACKIN' DOWN." I had mixed feelings about it, to be honest.
• However, hearing an arena full of people recite "WE THE PEOPLE" along with Jack Swagger and Zeb Colter as babyfaces who never repented on their racist, xenophobic acts gave me no mixed feelings whatsoever. I felt gross all over.
• That all being said, Swagger is pretty well-equipped to be a babyface worker. He took a couple of huge bumps during the match, including the faceplant into the ringpost that led to the countout win for Rusev, and the crowd loves the Patriot Lock.
• Rusev hobbled away from the ring after laying his beating on Swagger, selling the ankle that was worked on the whole match. I don't know about you, but that act left me with a WHOLE lot of goodwill for the Super Athlete.
• Rollins came out to the ring to claim his forfeit victory. This act was another big reason why I didn't mind the bait-and-switch. In an age where it's hard to get real heel heat for wrestlers, claiming a forfeit win sometimes is necessary to stoke the coals.
• SURPRISE AMBROSE never hurts, though.
• Chris Jericho may be an old man, but he still has hops. The ground he covered from the top rope all the way up the entryway where the Wyatt Family was standing was pretty impressive. He also bumped so hard off the apron that he took out a cameraman. Those guys need to get hazard pay.
• That all being said, man, Bray Wyatt/Jericho was amazingly disappointing. I've seen Jericho work good-to-great matches in his many Cool Dad Phase comebacks, and Wyatt has the ability to be perfectly cromulent in the ring. But they were just way too sloppy in this match for me to enjoy it.
• Why was Rollins leaving the arena before the main event? Wasn't he supposed to be Plan B?
• SURPRISE AMBROSE out of the trunk of a car has the potential to last as one of the best moments of the year. The best part about that was that I totally could buy that Ambrose hangs out in car trunks, whether to ambush people or just to collect his thoughts.
• Curtis Axel got eliminated in the Intercontinental Championship Battle Royale, and Ryback looked over at him from the ring and gave him the "I don't give a fuck" shrug. Ryback is probably the best all-around talent in WWE who'll never get a sustained push again, and that fact makes me fucking depressed.
• HEATH SLATER eliminated Antonio Cesaro. Let that sink in for a little bit.
• I loved the fact that Miz won the title, but man, Dolph Ziggler sulking against the announce table actually made me feel bad for him until I kayfabe-realized for him that the only belt he needs to hold anymore is the WWE World Heavyweight Championship.
• The Kane/Orton alliance dissolved midmatch? No one saw that coming, and by no one, I mean everyone.
• Even though he didn't win, Roman Reigns looked like the biggest star in his match for the second special event in a row. If you're going to build someone in title matches without giving them the strap, far worse ways to do so exist.

Match of the Night:Jimmy and Jey Uso (c) vs. Luke Harper and Erick Rowan, WWE Tag Team Championship Best Two out of Three Falls Match - On paper, the Tag Title match between the Usos and Wyatts looked to be the strongest match in terms of in-ring action. Predictably, as the two teams have done several times in the last few months, they tore the house down in the opening match of the pay-per-view proper, and no one was able to pick up their slack at least during a regular match. While the layout of the match rendered the two-out-of-three falls stipulation superfluous, the third fall more than made up for the early shortcomings and provided yet another notch in the cases of both teams as part of the factional elite in the US today.

The first two falls went by almost as quickly as the two pre-show matches did, rendering the actual three-fall layout of the match useless. I blame that more on the agents than anything, but still, a multiple fall match is built to be a marathon. Still, the two teams began to build a strong narrative through the match by establishing a tone of dominance by the challengers with the only hope the Champs had being a flash pinfall in the second stanza. WWE likes to build matches by saying the babyfaces are against the odds and need to overcome great adversity in order to triumph against swelling evil. However, all the talk usually ends up ringing hollow. The Usos here were able to show that they were true underdogs in this scenario, working underneath two towering hosses with a penchant for crazy looks. It also cannot be understated how the opening of the match played into that build, with Jey knocking Rowan's mask clean off his face with a SLAP that would have made Rick James proud.

The third match, however, was a masterclass in how modern tag team wrestling should be performed. The Usos continued to work underneath and build to a crescendo that allowed their climactic comeback to resonate with the crowd in more than just a token "yay good guys" fashion. The crazy high spots felt like they belonged in the match flow instead of being shoehorned into the fray for inserting them's sake. The fact that Luke Harper is as adept at throwing planchas as the Uso brother are is incredible and worth noting. The way the Superfly Splash has been built up as an untouchable finish made Rowan kicking out of it all the more eye-popping, and it set up for the double splash finish. Of course, the match wasn't perfect - Rowan's attempt at a frogsplash looked Tamina Snuka-levels of awkward - but it would have been among the best matches on every WWE special event this year. Outstanding work from two excellent teams.

Overall Thoughts: Battleground wasn't a bad pay-per-view by any stretch of the imagination, but it certainly was a dull one. WWE couldn't have held the sign up saying that the show was part of a giant holding pattern any more clearly unless it had erected a road sign in orange and black outside the arena. To be honest, I can halfheartedly excuse any wrestling company trying to tread water between big events, especially when the availability of certain Anomalies is hamstrung by contractual engagements. If The Network had done booming numbers like WWE unrealistically projected back in the spring, then maybe a few more dates for Brock Lesnar would be feasible. At the same time, a holding pattern is one thing; lazy booking regardless of where the company is in its narrative pattern is inexcusable no matter what the situation.

Mainly, I was nonplussed by the amount of matches destined to happen at SummerSlam that were blatantly prepeated for the sake of setting up a return match. Chris Jericho vs. Bray Wyatt is clearly happening again in Los Angeles; why have a match at Battleground happen that hammers home how ineffectual Wyatt and his crusade is beforehand? A turn is bound to happen in the AJ Lee vs. Paige feud, so why have them wrestle now as "friends?" Maybe that match I'm more willing to forgive because the feud needs something to latch onto and Paige did have a rematch clause to cash in. Still, the amount of time given to that feud vis a vis some other feuds on the show just makes everything seem rushed. The Jack Swagger/Alexander Rusev feud is another match that really didn't need to happen here if the payoff is supposed to be coming at SummerSlam. I get having a countout finish, and I'm not opposed to having them at the pay-per-view. When it happens as a continuance in a feud in the backdrop of so many other feuds getting prolonged, the impact lessens.

An aside, speaking of impact regarding the Rusev act, Lana certainly didn't shy away from MH17 getting shot down over Ukraine, which was a tricky subject regardless of how WWE scripted her to respond to it. At first, I didn't think it was a big deal because she didn't mention the crash by name, but still, she made light of a horrible act of war that claimed the lives of 300 people who were not germane to any kind of conflict going on between Russia and its former Soviet satellite state. Television shows make light of awful acts all the time; one cannot turn on an episode of a police or courtroom procedural without seeing the words "RIPPED FROM THE HEADLINES" on it. At the same time, is the act of exploiting a tragedy such as that in pro wrestling in the realm of moral acceptance that Law and Order seems to be, or is it tawdry and cheap the way that, say, Tyler Perry handles HIV in his movies? I don't know if I can be the judge of that, to be honest. Then again, for the record, I think that a lot of the stories involving sexual assault on Law and Order: SVU are way gross, so maybe I'm more against that kind of thing than I'm currently letting on.

Getting back on track, a few nuggets saved the show from being completely bad. I wrote a bit about the Tag Title match above, and Miz winning the Intercontinental Championship felt like a net plus to me. The fact that Miz was the guy to take the belt after it being last held by RED BELLY seems like a bad case of deja vu back to WrestleMania XXIX, but I'm fully behind "Hollywood" Mike Mizanin as a character, especially if he goes all-in on developing his vanity and protecting his "assets." However, the absolute stars of the show were Seth Rollins and Dean Ambrose, whose bait and switch probably would have been better received by the masses if the rest of the show wasn't so goddamn uninspiring. Theirs is the one story that was told correctly last night if the endgame was going to be a match at SummerSlam. In fact, Ambrose popping out of a car trunk to assail Rollins may have been my favorite moment on the show last night.

If Battleground had more moments like that, then maybe it would have been worth the time. WWE has the Network, which means a lowered price point for people to catch these shows. It can do more experimental things and reach out of the box a bit instead of falling back on tired tropes like "feuding means a billion matches with or without any logical escalation," or "John Cena vs. familiar opponents again, LOL." I guess dull is to be expected every once in awhile, but for a company with the resources WWE has, it's also reasonable to expect the creative team not to have such a wet fart in terms of booking and planning, especially when that malaise has been the norm on television for the last few months.

KENTA made his first WWE-sponsored appearance in a backstage interview conducted by Renee Young. His mastery of the English language is still off in the distance a bit, so he was given Smackdown's Number One Translator, Sho Funaki as a guide. Still, KENTA was able to give some replies in the common tongue of North America. His most notable answer was when he described his in-ring abilities with the simple sentence, "My style is kick, and I'm gonna kick some ass." Sure, the first part of that is broken English, but who cares? It's actually an awesome rallying cry. I hope that phrase is on his first t-shirt. Anyway, the whole video is below. Take some time out of your day to get acquainted with KENTA.

First, the Titan of Titor came for Kobald. When the Chikara tecnicos marched him out of the Easton Funplex in the style of pallbearers without a coffin, I could tell something was wrong. Then the next day, word spread that he had indeed been lost to history. Vengeance for Kobald was summoned, but it has not yet been claimed. Then, the man who'd become known as Deucalion turned his rage inward and broke deviANT at the knee for failing to live up to the standards set forth by forces who may or may not be known to the Chikaraverse at this point. Of course, the last remaining member of The Swarm was no great loss, but his defeat showed the capacity for barbarism that the cybernetic weapon of The Flood held was far greater than anyone could have imagined.

Then last night, in Boston, the greatest blow had been stricken. The White Ship of Peace had been sunken off the coast of Cape Cod. The Hammer of Peace now has no holder. The Estonian Thunder Frog was rent asunder at the hands of Deucalion and his lethal chokebreaker. To say this loss is titanic would be an understatement. Even in his short career, the Thunder Frog made such a large impact on myself and many other fans that he had become an indelible part of the firmament. Losing him feels almost as bad as I imagine losing Fire Ant or Hallowicked would be. The Flood is out of control and must be stopped at all costs.

If you would like to read a more heartfelt sendoff to the Thunder Frog, please read friend of the blog De O'Brien and her elegy. It will touch you right in your soul.

SURPRISE! Photo Credit: WWE.com

Welcome to a feature I like to call "Best in the World" rankings. They're not traditional power rankings per se, but they're rankings to see who is really the best in the world, a term bandied about like it's bottled water or something else really common. They're rankings decided by me, and don't you dare call them arbitrary lest I smack the taste out of your mouth. Without further ado, here's this week's list:

1. Dean Ambrose (Last Week: Not Ranked) - SURPRISE AMBROSE was everywhere last night. The viewing audience only saw three instances, but he was all over Battleground last night. Triple H opened his briefcase to look longingly at photos of his sledgehammer? SURPRISE AMBROSE! Ryback tried to take the last piece of chicken parm at craft services? SURPRISE AMBROSE! Thirsty Tumblr users leering at Renee Young? SURPRISE AMBROSE!

2. AJ Lee (Last Week: 2) - Honestly, all the proof anyone needs at Lee's toughness despite her size is how much of a rocket she comes off as when she delivers the shining wizard. I don't care how big you are, that knee gone knock you the fuck out.

3. Maui Hot Dogs (Last Week: Not Ranked)OFFICIAL HOLZERMAN HUNGERS SPONSORED ENTRY - Not only are the hot dogs there fabulous, but it has a dish called "salty balls." I did not try said balls, although it was only because only six come per order, and three other people were dining with me there, including my toddler son, who'd rather have eaten french fries.

4. Paige (Last Week: 1) - Did you see her polite clap after Lee escaped her collar and elbow tie up last night? I just love the sportsmanship.

5. Shinsuke Nakamura (Last Week: Not Ranked) - What should you do when some idiot is blathering on about how cool he is? Just what the swaggiest motherfucker in wrestling did to Karl Anderson at the G1 Climax press conference.

6. Mark Henry (Last Week: 6) - Henry hung out with Spurs player Danny Green the other day. The Spurs tried to sign Henry, but the NBA blocked it, saying that it would be too unfair to the rest of the league.

7. Sasha Banks (Last Week: Not Ranked) - She doesn't get enough credit for not only being the second best wrestler in NXT (after Sami Zayn, of course), but for also rocking the huge ass gold chains and Kanye glasses. Plus that lungblower-crossface combo she busted out on Lexi Bliss was gawgeous.

8. Abby Wambach (Last Week: Not Ranked) - She may not have been notably in the news this week, but since the men's World Cup is over, it's now time to pay attention to the women's variant that's starting next year in Canada. The USWNT is perhaps the best team in the world, and Wambach is a HUGE reason for that. Get to know her, folks, cuz she's gonna be a big part of the team if the US wins next year.

9. Mario Götze (Last Week: 3) - He gets bonus points this week because it takes a real bold human being not even to attempt to hide your sexual arousal. Flaunt that boner, bro.

10. Sara del Rey (Last Week: 10) - SARA DEL REY FACTS: She's taken to training the men now, and she beamed with pride when Chris Jericho actually used one of her moves, the roll-up into the bottom turnbuckle, in a match. How quickly the men learn.