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Instant Feedback: Beginnings

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This interaction may not lead down a satisfying path, but at least it was a memorable sight to see
Photo Credit: WWE.com
How many times have you watched RAW, seeing blossoming potential unfolding before your eyes? How many times did your mind race, fantasy booking the endgames of those stories to places with artistic, satisfying endings? The glory and wonder of a story just beginning is unmatched in any medium, but since wrestling is an art steeped in violence and bombast, those beginnings have a bit more oomph behind them. Because WWE has a production budget unmatched by any other company in America, an unprecedented roster, and more television penetration than even "legitimate" fighting companies that people swear are direct competition, the kickoffs to its stories tend to pop just a little louder.

However, because those first chapters are so bright and memorable, the disappointing follow ups are even more demoralizing. How many times has a story gone awry? The Nexus leading to Wade Barrett being buried under chairs, only figuratively getting out just now by bearing bad news? Kofi Kingston's Madison Square Garden Boom Drop turning into a dead end in just a couple of months? The Summer of Punk II becoming a setup for Triple H vs. Kevin Nash? Every time WWE gets the fanbase's hopes up, a crash is usually around the corner. Maybe one sperm gets by the ovum wall and fertilizes a baby every once in awhile, but as unreasonable as it might seem to observers everywhere, if WWE can write the beginnings of tales so well, then why isn't the company following through on a greater clip? Why do the MVPs and Barretts of the world grossly outnumber the Steve Austins?

Everyone knows the reason is that somewhere along the way, the creative team drops its focus inexplicably, and the angle collapses into a sea of eternal unfinished business, LOL CENA WINS, or a rushed ending that comes after weeks upon weeks of the same matches being booked ad nauseam. Some of the long cons end up paying off by hook or by crook, sure. Even though cruel fate took Daniel Bryan away from his fans, he still made it, one could argue after a four year story that started with him stating his goal to main event WrestleMania on the first episode of NXT.

So what beginning from RAW this evening has the best chance of turning out for the best. Is it Paige viciously turning on her former frenemy AJ Lee and proclaiming RAW to be her house? Would anyone care to wager at this new Nation of Domination led by Dr. Xavier Woods as the new hotness? Can Antonio Cesaro finally break through as a minion of The Authority? Or will Brock Lesnar's ostensible final reign as WWE Champion have that all-time feel to it? These questions are difficult to answer, and it's entirely possible that when WrestleMania XXXI rolls aorund, none of what happened tonight will have a lasting effect on the big event.

That scenario would be par for the course for WWE, a company that has so many hooks to keep its fans and none of them being cohesive, artistic longterm storytelling. But then again, are the moments of genesis themselves enough to keep people, namely me, invested? Well, I have been a fan of the company for almost 30 years now. Maybe I'm a sucker. Or maybe these moments can stand alone, even if they don't lead to anything. All I know is that night The Nexus tore down the ring with John Cena and Punk still inside of it resonates more than the flaccid manner in which the story ended.

Of course, none of the firestarters were on the same scale as that fateful June night in 2010. However, above the hope given, they all provided some kind of spectacle viewing, which on some level is what wrestling is. Even if the stories don't make sense, the spectacle can be enough to keep me glued to the show, no matter how crazy things get. Because who knows what week WWE will decide to spring the next big beginning on everyone.

Paging Dr. Love

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Photo Credit: WWE.com

Xavier Woods' fiery rhetoric last night may have hearkened back to a time when black militants roamed the halls of WWE arenas in the late '90s. While his words reminded people of Malcolm X in real life and Faarooq in WWE parlance, his wardrobe was a callback to a different era and a different gimmick. All he was missing was the red facepaint and slicked back hair, and he would have been truly cosplaying as Brother Love. On a more serious note, I hope this new stable doesn't go the route of the old Nation of Domination and play for boos. Any black power group that is looking for equality, especially in the wake of that article by The Atlantic, needs to be portrayed as a babyface group, or at the very least a sympathetic group. Even if the "WE THE PEOPLE" crowd may boo them, the sizable percentage of the audience that is consisted of people of color need to be able to relate to them without the cacophony of all three decidedly white announcers in the broadcast booth saying "they're going about things the wrong way."

Best Coast Bias: So Amazayn

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I know a Subreddit we should send Sami to next
Photo Credit: WWE.com
In an industry riddled with difficulties, perhaps the highest sign of a performer's talent is pulling off arguably the hardest character iteration that there can be: a sympathetic but still pissed-off babyface.

It's a hard line to ride as is, let alone once the Stamford Kool-Aid starts pumping in your veins.  And yet since Sami Zayn is That Dude, he pulled it off with flying colors on his way to a clean tapout victory of Tyson Kidd in the main event of the latest episode of NXT.

Given that the opening portion was a lot of the Kidd stalling to the point where he drew a "Tyson's Chicken!" chant when the Full Sailors weren't relying on the old standby of Nattie's Husband it put the onus on Sami to non-verbally communicate that this was a grudge match and he did.  It was a simple case of addition by omission; he didn't high-five anybody.  Ironically enough, it evoked a WWE moment a decade previous where William Regal walked to the ring stating he was going to start beating the crap out of Triple H but only after walking down the ramp and very calmly removing his suit jacket and undoing his cufflinks.  Somebody beating you down is bad enough; somebody so in control that they're about to beat you down but only on their own terms and not to soil their well-heeled wardrobe is a lot worse.  Sami's faced so many guys in so many different great-to-phenomenal matches over the past 18 months of NXTage that it was surprising to see him while not unhinged, certainly more full of rage than he'd ever been in an NXT ring.

This, of course, played into Kidd's wait wait wait don't wrestle you that opened until finally Zayn had had enough of his hot garbage and then found himself harshly kicked in the face and suplexed into the metal ramp as a result.  Then it was time for Kidd to start working over everybody's favorite Syrian-Canadian whether or not the crowd was singing the Chicken Dance a capella to further taunt him (they were, it might've been my favorite taunt of all time building and expanding on my old favorite crowd taunt that occurred five minute previously); heck, he even cheated intermittently when he wasn't making Zayn go to a stomp party and basement dropkicking him in a Tree of Woe.  While Kidd was able to counter the Blue Thunder at one point with multiple reversals to set up a breathtaking German suplex, likewise Zayn was able to greet his Savage elbow with knees up before pulling it off.

So Zayn continued to survive where Kidd would think he'd be able to put away the match, surviving a Blockbuster and a Sharpshooter after about half a minute to take advantage of Kidd coming in to fire off a Complete Shot/Koji Clutch combo platter in the middle of the ring for the tap out.  That's right, Sami kept fighting uphill and took the most of a flash opportunity while Tyson took nearly every shortcut available to him less going for a chair and quit almost the moment things went south for him.  You should show and tell, but four for you Glenn Coco if you can just do the former.  This wasn't a five-star wrestling match, but it was still perfect, and as usual Regal's noting of the little things were the extra streaks of sriracha on the Cuban sandwich.  It feels like the contretemps between Kidd and Zayn are far from over even with the unsullied nature of the victory, so if they want to put another 15 minutes of awesome in eyeballs The Real Winners Are YOU, The Fans!

The rest of the show mostly advanced a lot of plots without doing anything else of note besides that.  Jason Jordan couldn't beat Adam Rose in NXT at this point if he was armed and Rose had spent the past two hours before their match stroking the furry wall.  That makes him about as competent as Xavier Woods, who spent his last moments prereforming the Nation of Domination losing to CJ Parker in a botched finish that should've but didn't involve cheating.  Being out of position a bit is forgivable occasionally but not when one is ostensibly supposed to be using the ropes for leverage in the finish.   And what could've been an instant classic in the Jersey Boyz v. the Vaudevillains was marred by the INTERRUPTING DIFFERENT THEME MUSIC trope, even if it did lead to the first actual moment of villainry from the strongmen with Simon rolling up Cass with a fistful of tights.

So the next best moment on the show from an in-ring standpoint was the Assassination of the Fairie Alexa Bliss By The Boss Sasha Banks.  While she's well on her way to a main roster spot in the future, Bliss has two moves: a tilt-a-whirl small package and a surprise rollup.  Also, there's the fact Muggsy Bogues has about 4" and 25 pounds on her; ergo, once Bliss started off the match with her moves what occurred next was Sasha reminding the audience how she bestowed the moniker Boss on herself with a driver's-seat view of a through non-literal kicking in, both with wrestling and cheating before cutting off a potential rally with an absolutely vicious and awesome Backstabber/Crossface doubling-down.  With Summer going against Charlotte it's absolutely mandatory that Banks not get lost in the shuffle of the BFF implosion.  This shouldn't be a Miz/Morrison or Michaels/Jannety situation but something closer to the Shield where everybody who goes forward on their solo roll all get their own delineated corner of the spotlight and back up the character work with good-to-great in-ring work; Banks showed she could easily snap into a bully heel archetype given the right diminutive of an opponent and backed up the compliments given out by Regal and others about how good she is when she's on.

It's not like she's Sami Zayn, but then again, besides him who is?

Field Report: Live at CHIKARA NYC

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The Batiri and The Colony exchange pleasantries
Photo Credit: Bryan Heaton
This past Saturday, Chikara held a show in Hell's Heck's Kitchen in New York City - The Living Daylights, to be exact. Being a born-and-bred Long Islander, I threw on my best Los Ice Creams shirt, jumped on the train (thanks for not striking, LIRR!), and headed out to Stage 48.

Officially, this was my second Chikara show, with the first being the big return at You Only Live Twice in May. Unofficially, I feel like it was the fourth - I was at National Pro Wrestling Day in February, which was a CHIKARA show in everything except for name, and I went to the finals of the Tag World Grand Prix by Wrestling is Fun! the night before YOLT. If I have one major regret in life, it's wearing jorts while in my 30s. If I have a second, it's not listening to my good buddy Mike and getting into CHIKARA before 2014. But time cures all (except the clap, get that checked out, bro), I finally listened to Mike, and here we are meeting up at the show.

Stage 48, if you've never been (and I hadn't), is an interesting choice of venue for a wrestling show. As a concert hall, there are like maybe a dozen seats - everything else is SRO. And out of those dozen seats, maybe three had a decent, relatively unobstructed view. Also, Stage 48 has two levels; looking to get a different perspective on a wrestling show, I chose a spot on the upper level along the railing, basically looking straight down on the ring. It was pretty cool, even if most of my pictures came out blurry due to a combination of a crappy photographer (me) and a crappy camera (an old, laggy iPhone 4).

Full disclosure: I don't take notes at shows because I'm paranoid that when I look down at a notepad I'll miss something awesome. I make no claims to be a Pulitzer-worthy reporter; I just want to go to a fun show and write about it. So here's what went down on Saturday night.

The opening contest was a four-corners elimination tag match, pitting Haack 'n' Slaash against The Batiri, The Bloc Party, and The Colony. A nice little touch that ran through the night - all of the members of The Flood entered from a different location than the Chikara wrestlers proper. I don't know if this has been done at every show (I couldn't really see the entrance at YOLT) but it really adds to the "us vs. them" theme of this season. In-ring action was pretty good in this one, with up to three points on the line towards a shot at los Campeonatos de Parejas. Haack 'n' Slaash were the first team eliminated, after Worker Ant busted out a pump-handle GTS. Mr. Azerbaijan and the Proletariat Boar of Moldova were the next to go, as Fire Ant did his usual lucha madness - reversing a sidewalk slam into not the usual headscissor takedown, but a freaking Stone Cold Stunner. However, The Colony couldn't get the sweep, as the final point and victory in the match went to The Batiri. Despite the frustration Fire Ant showed after being pinned, all four competitors shook hands following the match in a show of respect.

Next up was AUDIENCE PARTICIPATION with the first-ever CHIKARA THUMB WAR, featuring 3.0 and the CHIKArmy. The room was divided in half, and each member of 3.0 picked six people on their side to have a giant thumb war, where the winner would go on to the finals. Mike and I were on the side of the room for Team Big Magic, who was represented in the finals by Armand; Team Jagged was represented by Ashley. Armand won the thumb war in the center of the ring, and both he and Ashley won shirts. Best thumb war I've ever seen.

Back to the action, we were graced by the presence of Ecuador's finest warrior, Juan Francisco de Coronado. His opponent was New York native Eddie Kingston, former Grand Champion who hasn't quite gotten over losing the title. Kingston looked disinterested, showed up in his street clothes, and attempted to leave the match on more than one occasion. JFDC jumped him from behind, leading to Kingston briefly firing up. However, he got caught in a reverse Texas Cloverleaf, and weakly tapped out, then walked away fine. Curious to see what happens with Kingston in the coming weeks.

The action rolled on as we got a grudge match between Silver Ant and Missile Assault Ant. Lots of good action in this one, as the fight spilled to the outside literally right below us. The security railing was VERY thin, and every time a wrestler jumped on top of it I cringed out of fear for them accidentally nutting themselves. When the action returned to the ring, Silver Ant relentlessly went for a submission victory with a sleeperhold/rear naked choke. Sadly for fans of The Colony, the Xtreme Force came out on top here, as Missile Assault Ant was able to roll himself on top while still trapped in the sleeper and pick up the three count.

The last match before intermission was a five-on-five tag match: The Throwbacks, The Baltic Siege, and Jervis Cottonbelly vs. Sinn Bodhi and The Odditorium, Nokken, and Tursas. Let me just say, if you've never seen him up close, Tursas is a MOUNTAIN of a man - just huge. And not that you need to be told, but mimes are creepy, and Qefka is no exception. I do appreciate the strength of Mr. Touchdown, who once again broke out his HOSS DELAYED SUPERPLEX - this time the final five or six of the twenty seconds he held Qefka up for were one-handed. We also had some good-natured tomfoolery from the tecnicos, as Dasher Hatfield congratulated Cottonbelly with a pat on the butt; this led to the purveyor of Gentlemania, the Estonian Thunder Frog, and the Latvian Proud Oak simultaneously grabbing the buttocks of both Angelosetti and Hatfield. The finish of the match saw Sinn Bodhi taking a blind tag and rolling up ThunderFrog with a handful of tights for the three, but the fight was not over. As all ten men brawled, Tursas took out both the Proud Oak and Cottonbelly with chokeslams, and Thunder Frog responded by grabbing the Hammer of Peace and taking out Tursas. Gotta say, seeing five Flood members trying vainly to carry out Tursas made me smile, but I had the benefit of not knowing what was going to happen to the Thunder Frog the next day, possibly in retaliation.

One quick note about the way too short intermission: Why haven't all indie wrestlers sent away for the free Square unit to take credit card payments on their cell phones? Icarus had one, and I wouldn't be surprised if he sold more shirts than others because he was the only one who could take a payment in something other than cash. Hell, I have a Square reader, and I have not used it once! Come on, guys, the 2.5 cents per swipe won't kill you if you make it up in volume!

Back to the second half of the show, and after losing our spot on the railing during intermission Mike and I moved to the lower level. Opening act II was The Osirian Portal taking on The Pieces of Hate in a non-title match. Absolutely fantastic match. For reasons not worth explaining, I really enjoy both these teams, so I was probably the only one in the room not choosing a side, and I think that helped me enjoy this more. Ophidian and Amasis have such good chemistry, and their double team offense is so fluid. Jigsaw is a solid worker who seems to relish being the heel, and The Shard is a scrappy little dude. Pieces of Hate picked up the W after The Osirian Sacrament was thwarted.

CHIKARA Magic Move! Out of the BINGO-style tumbler came the ball with "German suplex" written on it, so if the next match featured a German Suplex EVERYONE WOULD GET A PRIZE.

The next match just so happened to be the rematch of the century: Chuck Taylor vs. "Smooth Sailing" Ashley Remington. Having seen the first match at YOLT, loving everything about it, I had been super-pumped for this one. Of course, Taylor wanted nothing to do with a German suplex - some Kentucky Gentleman! Remington did everything in his power to execute a German (phrasing) in between finger guns and all that jazz. After a hard-fought, entertaining match, Remington managed to hit a German suplex for the win. And, always the nice guy, Remington presented Taylor with a fruit basket that looked DELICIOUS; for witnessing the magic move, each fan received a Chikara sticker on the way out the door.

After RAFFLEMania, we moved on to the main event - Sidney Bakabella's Wrecking Crew vs. The Spectral Envoy in atomicos action. Bakabella brought out the three-man Devastation Corporation and Jaka, while Blind Rage teamed with the most recent Kings of Trios. Remember how before I said Tursas was a mountain of a man? Well, Max Smashmaster is the same thing - and to see that man do a swanton bomb is unreal. Flex Rumblecrunch reminds me a hell of a lot of Billy Zabka - not sure why - and I could see him eventually moving to at least NXT. He's got the kind of look that Vince McMahon seems to love. Towards the end of the match, Bakabella distracted everyone's favorite referee Bryce Remsburg, which allowed Oleg the Usurper to run in and prevent Frightmare from locking in the Chikara Special. However, Oleg's interference wasn't enough, and when he tried again he was kicked out of the ring; Frightmare then used Oleg's helmet to attack Blaster McMassive and lock in the Chikara Special successfully this time for the victory.

And that's the show, folks. A great time, great wrestling, and great guys outside the ring. Looking forward to seeing everyone again at King of Trios (Night 3!) in September.

WWE Battleground Live Reactions/Review: Can We Just Get To The Fireworks Factory Already?

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Still all about The Champ
Photo Credit: WWE.com
I was fortunate enough to go to my very first live WWE pay-per-view last night. The experience itself is something I will cherish for a while, at least until I get to go to WrestleMania, Pro Wrestling Guerrilla’s All-Star Weekend, and King of Trios, all things I’m hoping to get in next year. While the experience was great (WWE can throw a spectacle like none other) the show itself left so much to be desired that I’d kind of be remiss to not discuss that here.

If you ever find yourself in a position where you can get ringside tickets for a WWE live event, make sure they’re either front row or on the edge because otherwise you’re going to spend the majority of the evening staring at the head of the person in front of you the whole night and feel crammed into a tight space. The ringside seats aren’t stadium style so the back row has to contend with about 4 rows of people sitting right in front. The crowd I was sitting with was fairly well-mannered though, except for a couple of people. There was a dude a few rows in front of us wearing a Kyrie Irving shirt who insisted on jumping up and giving every wrestler who came out the middle finger or thumbs down, and there was a dad and his son sitting immediately in front of me who sat on their hands the whole time until John Cena came out. The kid was, of course, decked out in neon green.

The theme of the evening seemed to be “Night Of One Million Cena Shirts”, which honestly surprised me. I’ve been to a Smackdown taping in Tampa before and don’t remember there being that much Cena gear on display. I’ve been spoiled by the NXT crowd so it’s entirely possible I forgot how over The Man You Can’t See is with the more casual WWE crowd.

Even though I was displeased with the outcome of the evening, the crowd was pretty good all throughout, which definitely does leave me hopeful for more events coming to Florida in the future. I was especially impressed at the reaction to both Divas matches. Paige and AJ Lee were over with that crowd, and there was even a brief chant for Naomi. I wish both matches were a little bit higher quality, especially the Naomi/Cameron meet-up. Everyone I was sitting with was really into the Wyatt Family, too, which made their losing all the more painful.

We were all predictably disappointed at the aborted Dean Ambrose/Seth Rollins match, and all pretty hot for the Intercontinental Battle Royale. I’m actually shocked more people on the 'Net weren’t that pleased with it, as I thought it was the best booked match of the event. The crowd’s reaction to The Miz stealing the victory was priceless, if only because I screamed bloody murder when I thought that Ziggler had won it and was heartbroken when Miz came back. It wasn’t super clear from where I was sitting that Miz hadn’t been eliminated so I think that might have added to it. And the reaction to the main event was to be expected.

I think the most disappointed thing about the evening is that it’s clear that WWE is stuck back in a rut of Attitude Era booking, where the pay-per-view is used to set up stuff for free TV. This may have made sense when you were selling each individual show but not when you need to be selling us on a monthly subscription to the WWE Network. To be honest, if I hadn’t already received this tickets as gifts I probably wouldn’t have gone to this show. If I had known before had that the one match I was incredibly excited for wasn’t going to happen I would have tried to sell my tickets. A lot of fans speculated that Brock Lesnar would come out to destroy John Cena after he won, but with that not happening and Cena now out for a few weeks with no real excuse why I’m incredibly nervous for SummerSlam. I wanted my first big WWE live event to be a lot bigger than it was, and that disappointment is going to sit with me for a while.

Dispatches from the Lake: Quality vs Quantity

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Will feuds come out of this fracas? Recent history says no.
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Can we all agree that after watching the treading water-fest that was Battleground that there are way too many pay-per-views/special events with the WWE? They had this same problem the last few years. It only really bothered me during that stretch of fall where we would get three pay-per-views over the course of what seemed like two weeks, but holy flying spaghetti monster, what the hell has happened since WrestleMania? John Cena won his 15th title, and the Shield broke up. Four people on the show have had narratives move forward. WHY AM I STILL WATCHING THIS?

Truth be told, I haven’t watched the last few RAWs, and I’ve been nuts with the real life that I haven’t had a chance to sit down with everyone’s favorite recap-fest, Superstars. I usually carve out anywhere from five to ten hours for wrestling in any given week. I’ve got RAW, NXT, Superstars, and then random other stuff. On a special event week, that jumps up three hours. That is a ridiculous amount of time to fill.

I feel your pain, WWE. I'm sympathetic to your plight. It’s hard to come with fresh stuff for that much TV time, but you could at least look like you’re trying? If you wanted to focus on the build to SummerSlam, why not try something new with Battleground? Why not do a tournament for the Intercontinental Title that fills the whole show? You’re not worried about buy rates for pay-per-view anymore, so why not experiment a bit? Then, the RAW episodes leading to Battleground could have dedicated some of their time to play in matches for the bracket. Or hell, you could have used time on Smackdown, Main Event, or Superstars for play in matches. You could have drawn some eyes over to the secondary shows and to the Network.

But getting back to the event, what really makes me nuts is that there were potential feuds aplenty during the battle royale last night, but I can pretty much guarantee that none of them will be followed up on. With all this time to fill, all the great talent they have, WWE will drop the ball. That’s not me wanting them to. That’s me looking at the years of evidence and making an educated guess. Remember when two guys had a rivalry, it was more than just oh, these two have fought on every show of ours for the last thousand years? Stuff used to happen, and that’s honestly all I’m asking for, STUFF. It doesn’t even have to be good. Just create a plot beyond "John Cena wins, lol," and advance that each week leading up to your big shows. THIS IS NOT ROCKET SCIENCE.

Also, if Cena dares to call a show as static and status-quo-tastic as last night’s change, I’m driving down to Tampa and razing his giant, empty, coke dealer compound to the ground. Change? CHANGE? Are you kidding me? When he said that during his post show interview, I’m pretty sure I had a rage stroke. Cena isn’t Superman. He’s Bizarro. Take anything that comes out of his stupid face in that context.

The whole point here is if WWE is only going to treat the Royal Rumble, WrestleMania, and SummerSlam like they’re important, then get rid of the rest of them. They’re pointless. Remember Survivor Series last year? They ran the entire show again on RAW the following night. Thanks for making me feel like an idiot for plunking down my hard earned cash for a show I could have watched for free the next day. If the script for RAW is the script from the previous night’s event, then get rid of the event.

I’ve said this in my Superstars reports, but I really think it needs to be repeated ad nauseam. WWE, you have a locker room filled with talent. USE IT. Let’s get to the promise of actual change that WrestleMania promised a few months ago, because I’m running out of reasons why I’m still bothering with anything outside of NXT.

Wrestling and Comic Books Part 2 - Marketing and Merchandising

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Cena's stagnant BECAUSE his merch designs are so dynamic
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Marketing and merchandising are essential parts of both comic books and wrestling. They are two of the largest, if not the largest, drivers of merchandise in popular culture. Want a t-shirt with your favorite character? We have those. A toy or action figure? Got that too. Want something more substantial, like a figurine or replica championship belt? Also available. This part of the culture is celebrated, and there is a certain pride in having the toy or wearing the shirt of your favorite character. However, the impact of dollars spent and sales made on merchandise has the most transparent effect in both comic books and wrestling, usually negatively, causing clumsy storytelling and stagnant storylines.

The clearest example on the effect of merchandise sales on storytelling in professional wrestling is John Cena. Cena's popularity, especially with children, can be seen in his merchandise sales, as he outsells all other wrestlers, by fourfold if some reports can be believed. He is a cash cow, simply put, one the WWE does not want to put out to pasture. There has been an ongoing debate about whether to turn Cena heel, with people arguing with his mixed crowd responses and behavior that he already is one. Whether he is a face or heel is immaterial, because what matters most is that he doesn't change. He sells shirts and wristbands, and will continue to do so. He's a great performer and one of the hardest working people in wrestling, but his character will forever remain in stasis as long as he continues to make money. There are numerous stories that could be told with Cena, especially with someone who's been so successful and wrestled for so long, but the only one that is continually told is "the hero triumphs". Almost all storylines involving Cena are completely transparent and predictable because his success selling merchandise has made him a static character.

The effect of this phenomenon on comics is closely related to the slew of film and television tie ins. One of the most obvious cases is the example of Nick Fury Jr. in the main Marvel comics universe. In the Marvel Cinematic Universe, Nick Fury is played by Samuel L. Jackson. This was taking the lead of the instance of Nick Fury in the Ultimate universe, a spin-off Marvel property that had Nick Fury as a black character, instead of the white WWII vet and super spy that was present in the original Marvel Universe. As the character was clearly modeled after Jackson, using that version of the character in the films was a no-brainer, especially considering that Jackson is a comics fan. However, it creates a problem when movie fans pick up comics and see a white Nick Fury, who was still a rather active player in the main universe when the first wave of Marvel films were arriving. Marvel's solution to this was a storyline called Battle Scars, in which the white Nick Fury learns of the existence of an illegitimate child of his, who happens to be black. His child, now fully grown, gets pulled into the world of SHIELD and espionage and ends up being a spy. He also, conveniently, is tortured, leading to his eye being put out, so that he matches the version of the character in the movie. He also takes the name of Nick Fury, ignoring the name he's been using for his life up to this point, with his father effectively retiring, making him *the* Nick Fury of the main Marvel continuity. It was contrived and done only to strengthen the link between the majority of Marvel comics, which are still a niche hobby, with the Marvel films, which gross hundreds of millions of dollars.

All popular arts must make money to be successful, with wrestling and comics being no exception, but so rarely in other industries are the decisions so transparent. However, this is not the only problem that this focus on financial success brings. It also infects the fanbase with a preoccupation with this success, and creates a link between the two in their eyes. In wrestling, there is a subsection of analysis that strictly looks at television ratings and pay-per-view buys in relation to wrestlers. A wrestler is then deemed good or bad not on his actual skill, or anyone's enjoyment, but on whether this fuzzy math determines them to be so. So to in comics, with fans taking sadistic joy in which comics sell most that month, with low selling books put on the chopping block. In both comics and wrestling, this obsession with financial success rather than artistic success is as big a problem as any that plague either form of entertainment. Surely films and television face this problem as well, but neither have as an enthusiastic fanbase who breaks down rating segments by the quarter hour, or looks at vast spreadsheets of Diamond Distributor pre-order sheets to analyze success. It is born out of wanting to predict storylines and see the direction of the stories, but it removes all the joy of an organic story unfolding.

The trouble with this culture is that, despite these problems, also builds a lot of camaraderie and joy. We buy this merchandise because we love these characters, and love what they represent. Design is a very important part of both wrestling and comics, and the look and feel of shirts, toys, and memorabilia feeds into that aspect. It's fun. Walking up to a movie theater wearing a Daniel Bryan shirt and getting a chorus of “Yes! Yes! Yes!” from the ticket sellers makes me feel a part of something bigger than myself, which is the best part of any fandom. Without that shirt, there is no connection. We feel like members of an exclusive club, and it allows us to demonstrate our loyalty to a “team” whether that be Daniel Bryan or Hawkeye. I don't want to condemn shirts or toys, because I'm as big a consumer as any. I only want a good story.

When marketability is the leading factor in deciding the direction of stories, it causes a multitude of problems, with telegraphed storytelling and a toxic fan environment both destructive. The most dangerous is always reverting to the creative choice that is safest. This aversion to risk may lead to the most money in the short term, but can lead to loss in the long. A good story is always a good business decision.

Wrestling Six Packs: Intergender Matches That Need to Happen

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Kimber Lee is no stranger to wrestling men like Joey Ryan, but she should still wrestle ALL OF THEM
Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein
Even though I agreedwith Brandon Stroud that the trend of intergender matches featuring the theme of "woman needing to earn the man's respect no matter what the context is" needs to die a quick yet painful death, I am still a staunch proponent of integrating the sexes and eliminating all barriers, whether rapidly or gradually. Hey, I'm a realist over here. From the days of Mae Young and Mildred Burke, women have always been on a similar talent footing as the men have been, but various factors have kept the two genders apart. Well, I say no more, and from what I understand, so do the many excellent competitors who happen to have a woman's anatomy. The following list is a sampling of six matches that I think would be so good, so compelling, so important that they should happen sooner rather than later to start changing minds.

1. Kimber Lee vs. The World

I know this first entry is cheating a little bit, and the beginnings of it are already happening in Beyond Wrestling. However, Lee has become one of the elite workers on the indie scene regardless of gender, and she deserves as big a platform as her peers such as Biff Busick and Drew Gulak. She's the epitome of ability trumping apparent size, as even for women on the scene she's a bit on the small side. However, she certainly wrestles a lot larger than her 5'3", 125 lb. frame might dictate. She's stood toe-to-toe with Gulak, JT Dunn, and other big names in Beyond, and now her time has come to tour the country and face off against all the competition it has to offer. I hate calling anyone the "next [insert person here]," but Lee has the potential to pick up where Sara del Rey left off in taking on the best on the scene. Adam Cole? Book it. Silver Ant? Well, that match is actually happening at Americanrana '14. Johnny Gargano? Fuck yeah, get it done. Kyle O'Reilly, ACH, Cedric Alexander, Chris Hero, Brian Myers? Line 'em all up. Lee is waiting to become the next big thing, and all she needs is a platform.

2. Amazing Kong vs. Matt Sydal

While I'm done with the woman-as-eternal-underdog trope, I am all for subverting that plot archetype and matching a smaller male wrestler who'd need to prove himself against more foreboding woman. A scant few women on the scene have that gravitas, and the one who'd impose her will the most would be Amazing Kong. She has the combination of HOSS size and veteran bona fides to stare down even the most confident underdogs. Granted, Sydal also has the veteran chops. He, like Kong, as made it to the big time and tasted from the pool of high-pay corporate wrestling. However, I am not sure I'd trust any other wrestler to put Kong over in such a way that would make her look like a trillion bucks, like the true monster that her aura emits against other women currently. He's an incredible bump freak who would take her power offense like a pinball, and regardless of the result, the journey to the finish would be among the most awe-inspiring spectacles in wrestling history.

3. Jessicka Havok vs. Vader

I know Vader's getting up there in years and all, but no one on the indies, man or woman, has the same fearsome physical aura that Havok does. I don't care if this match might have an upper limit of five minutes before Vader is gassed. It needs to happen before he retires for good. The world needs to see two of the stiffest wrestlers of all-time, throwing potatoes at each other like rival Idaho farmers after a bumper crop. This match may not be the best HOSS fight ever, but it would be the biggest spectacle, and wrestling at its heart is built on spectacle.

4. Hania the Howling Huntress vs. Ricochet

Since ditching the Saturyne mask, Hania has improved exponentially and become one of the most adept high-flyers on the indies. She's stepped to men before, but the ultimate test for her would be the Undisputed King of the Super Juniors right now, Ricochet. I certainly don't think she's on the former Helios' level right now, but sometimes, you just have to go out and call the biggest dog in the yard in order to show everyone that you're there and you mean business. I truly believe she can keep up with him and produce an entertaining, blithe, and lively spotfest that would turn heads and get people to rethink their positions on who can represent the junior heavyweight style.

5. Mia Yim vs. Eddie Kingston

While this match wouldn't have the spectacle of a Havok/Vader HOSS fight, these two would certainly give the above mentioned a run for their money in stiffness. Yim and Kingston are among the hardest hitters in wrestling, and both represent the strong style in America as well as any of their peers. Kingston has had a prolonged residence as Chikara's designated big match ace, and Yim has shown she can go long in showcase pieces as well as referenced by her Absolute Intense Wrestling feud against Allysin Kay. These two could headline any independent arena in America, and if the naysayers disagree, I doubt they would after watching them go at it.

6. Kana vs. Chris Dickinson

Sometimes, I just want to watch the world burn, and seeing Kana react to Dickinson's uncomfortable-to-watch pervert shtick would be the ultimate comeuppance. Plus, both wrestlers kick really hard. I like that.

The Best Moves Ever: Last Chancery

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A wrestler needs a lot of dexterity when performing a bridging move. German suplexes and other throw variants with bridges require a certain amount of dexterity and concentration, but having to do a grounded bridging submission? Yeah, the kind of balance needed to keep that move in place for extended periods of time is off the charts. Austin Aries has that kind of balance. And he has a move called the Last Chancery which looks pretty nifty.

Impact Report: It Makes Me Depressed a Little Bit

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"More action and less talking!" said during yet another 20 minute promo segment
Photo Credit: ImpactWrestling.com
This week’s episode of TNA Impact is the first coming from the vaunted recent NYC tapings, shows that TNA has sold to us as the best that they’ve done this year and are presented as a creative rebirth for the company. While I think they might have overhyped it a bit, this episode definitely had a lot to enjoy in it wrestling-wise, even if the actual storylines are still stuck in the same position. The episode was bolstered by some great matches that’ll hopefully lead to some interesting things in the future. But I mean, what would an entry in the Impact Report be with a little negativity for TNA??

The opening of this episode was dire, and touched on several of the hallmarks of TNA that I’ve discussed in recent weeks. Today we got not one, not two, but THREE talking segments led by guys who made their names outside of TNA discussing how TNA is the future of professional wrestling, unlike that "Northern Promotion." Emphasis on the wrestling, de-emphasis on the professional, I guess. They hit on how important wrestling is to TNA a lot in the 11-minute talking segment that started the wrestling show, until Tommy Dreamer hilariously spouted that he wishes that professional wrestling had less talking and more fighting before preceding to attack Ethan Carter III to start our opening match. While the opening segment certainly had merit, the clear shots at WWE seemed kind of silly in light of how often TNA runs to the “20 minute promo to open the show” well.

The rest of the show was rather good, especially compared to the past months worth of television. My frustrations with certain storylines definitely haven’t abated yet. I don’t understand why they had Austin Aries cut a promo saying how great the X Division could be while also putting over how he’s going to get rid of the X Division title as soon as he can, or what the purpose of this James Storm/Sanada angle, other than making Sanada look like a chump. It’ll be interesting to see what is going to happen with the X Division after Destination X, because it feels like the roster is at a really strong point right now. I’d like to see someone who legitimately wants the title have it around their waist.

The other title match on the card, Jeff Hardy vs Bobby Lashley, was just kind of there. It was an okay match with some decent spots but the real story for this was MVP vs Bobby Roode. Therefore, the actual match kind of fell flat.

Finally, we had a continuation of the war between Bully Ray and Dixie Carter where it’s heavily teased that Bully is going to put Carter through a table soon. She rightly pointed out that Bully is way too single-minded about fighting and hurting her considering she’s beaten him at his own game twice. I like when wrestling shows point out the flaws in their characters logic. More of that please, TNA, and less threatening women with violence.

Your Midweek Links: Sheiky Baby and Battleground

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Sheiky baby make Hulk Hogan humble hock ptooey
Photo Credit: WWE.com
It's hump day, so here are some links to get you through the rest of the week:

Wrestling Links:

- Best of the Iron Sheik's UPROXX Live Discussion [With Spandex]

- Spending an evening with the Iron Sheik at the Roasted Rumble [SB Nation]

- It was tasteless, but no surprise that WWE referenced MH17 [The Independent]

- The Best and Worst of Battleground 2014 [With Spandex]

- WWE Battleground 2014: What We Learned [SB Nation]

- Sting speaks as Battleground approaches [Grantland]

- Wrestling Is... Emotionally Compromising, or, lightning strikes more than twice and we are losing our family [Heinekenrana]

- Facts from Future Pro Wrestling Summertime Brawl, Wallington Hall, July 19, 2014 [The Only Way Is Suplex]

- Wrestler, statesman, hostage negotiator, legend: The life of Antonio Inoki [Grantland]

- A brief and wonderful history of wrestlers dressing like total dorks [With Spandex]

- Don't you want a new Nation of Domination? [the Masked Negro]

- Seven ways WWE can reinvigorate RAW [What Culture WWE]

- The Best and Worst of RAW: Flo Rida vs. Heath Slater II [With Spandex]

- Wrestling about Talking, Ep. 1: Damien Sandow [The Classical]

- Things Lance Storm dislikes [Wrestling on Earth]

- Vintage Best and Worst: Survivor Series 1996 [With Spandex]

- The Art of Gimmickry: The Assimilated Foreign Wrestler [Old School Jabronis]

- TNA Impact (July 17) Review [Voices of Wrestling]

- The Best and Worst of Impact Wrestling: We Want What Now? [With Spandex]

Non-Wrestling Links:

- How to legitimize bigotry: Embrace debate [Deadspin]

- Respectable bigots may be the worst kind [Sports on Earth]

- Tony Dungy's moral compass is broken [Big Cat Country]

- Super Smash Coaches: SEC Free-For-All [Rock M Nation]

- The NFL is doing its best to protect its free minor league [Deadspin]

- Ida B. Wells: Princess of the Press [Rejected Princesses]

- Watch a teen prove "Shopping while black" exists [UPROXX]

- Fuck Stanford [Valley Wag]

- The gratuitous injustice of American tipping culture [Kitchenette]

- Defending Daryl Morey [Hardwood Paroxysm]

- 20 Simpsons quotes that everyone hears in everyday conversation [Warming Glow]

- Dear Hollywood, stop making movies about the Internet and technology [Pajiba]

- Ten of the most successful Saturday Night Live actors in movies [Warming Glow]

- Assets and Aiken: The Houston Astros and capital [The Good Phight]

- Pete Rose could be at the All-Star Game next year [Sports on Earth]

- 20 Super Mario Bros. 3 glitches you might not know about [Kotaku]

- The Worthy: 14 characters who possessed the power of Thor [Observation Deck]

- A dramatic 260 foot crater has mysteriously appeared in Siberia [io9]

- Pouty husband sends wife spreadsheet detailing sex-life dissatisfaction [The Concourse]

- This woman's sex diary is the antithesis to that guy's sex spreadsheet [UPROXX]

- Sideline reporter is a job fraught with limitations [Sports on Earth]

- Nine unexpected results of human cloning [io9]

- Maui Hot Dogs: Wildwood, NJ [Holzerman Hungers]

- The Rays' four-pound burger is impossible to eat [SB Nation]

- Harness the power of Guy Fieri with the Flavortown dish name generator [Eater]

- How to grill vegetables and make use of those hot coals [The Concourse]

- Doritos long descent into madness [Kitchenette]

WCWC: The Culmination of the DDT Challenge

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Photo via WCWC Facebook Page
When you tape a month's worth of episodes for a wrestling show in a matter of hours and devote most of the attention toward a match revolving around a single maneuver, a letdown is bound to occur. Episode 08 of PDX TV featured the DDT Challenge between Danny Duggan, representing The Grappler and Jeremy Blanchard who is wrestling on behalf of Jake "The Snake" Roberts, and the match itself was a methodical affair. Yet the episode did include a promo from Roberts that provided a reminder of why he was such a big star in the WWE.

Prior to the DDT Challenge, Roberts, accompanied by Blanchard, spoke to backstage reporter Pat Kelley. Roberts states that in regard to choosing Blanchard for the Main Event of this episode, "I'm not going to say that I never made a mistake, but this is not one of them". Roberts speaks about how Blanchard can be a "monster" in the promotion if he would focus on being his best and stop concerning himself with other's ideas (such as The Grappler's) and really does a great job of putting Blanchard over.

Now the content within the promo was solid, but the ethos and pathos that Roberts used were what truly shone in this backstage segment. Roberts has always been one of my favorite talkers in the wrestling world, and his delivery is still fresh to this day. When he looks the audience in the metaphorical eye (through the camera lens), he draws them into everything that he is saying, no matter how nonsensical it may appear when typed out and read aloud by someone else. I appreciate what Roberts has done for the art of delivering a promo and I enjoy seeing newer wrestlers (such as Bray Wyatt) use those same tactics to create magic on the mic.

The DDT Challenge included the stipulation that the move must have been performed by a wrestler before that wrestler could have registered a pinfall. This stipulation did the match a disservice as Duggan and Blanchard continued to feign delivering the DDT throughout the match taking away from the anticipation of the actual DDT that was delivered at the end of the match. Also, having a heel and a face together on either side of this match caused a great deal of confusion to the crowd. They did not know who to cheer for and decided to make very little noise at all. The finish involved The Grappler getting on the apron and slapping Duggan. When Blanchard tried to attack Duggan from behind, he bumped into The Grappler and received a DDT for his troubles.

The crowd sat on their hands and did not react to the pinfall because they were cheering for Roberts. Lucky for them, a run-in occurred and featured a DDT from Roberts on The Grappler. Although it was fantastic to see Roberts performing a DDT at all at this point in time, it was not a good one. *ducks out of the way of tomatoes being thrown my way* The Wrecking Crew then came out and defended the head of their stable, attacking Roberts. A kick from a loaded boot by The Grappler III highlighted the end of the run-in and the setup for the feud to continue between the two legends (although it would be for live audiences only).

Overall, the inclusion of Roberts in this series of episodes created a palpable buzz among the live crowd, but it did not do any favors for the in-ring product or the storylines on the periphery. The next series of TV tapings include very good indie wrestlers such as Caleb Konley and Jimmy Jacobs, and business should pick up. I have to admit, however, that it was nice to see Roberts on my TV screen once again.

#ThanksSteenThanks

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Steen's whimsy and charisma will fit in perfectly in WWE
Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein
Independent wrestling as a whole has seen some influential and important characters. Bryan Danielson set the bar in the ring, and CM Punk pushed the envelope the furthest outside of it. Chikara as a promotion may have done more to mold the image of storytelling in a promotion than any other company since the rise of the major independent in the wake of Extreme Championship Wrestling's folding. Samoa Joe, Chris Hero, Mickie Knuckles, Low Ki, Super Dragon, Sara del Rey, and scores of other wrestlers paved the way for the scene to have the primacy along with the nationally televised behemoths. However, among the hall of greats, two wrestlers always stood tallest to me - El Generico and Kevin Steen.

Perhaps their standing with me is a function of when I came into following indie wrestling. By the time 2009 rolled around, Joe and Punk were imbued in their respective mainstream companies. Danielson was coming down off his indie prime and getting ready to become Daniel Bryan. The spotlight had shifted to a radical interpretation of strong style within the "super" indies, one that I grew accustomed to disliking. But Generico and Steen felt different. Sure, they had big movesets, but they never executed on them in the rapid-fire, get-my-shit-in mentality that I had grown tired of watching from Davey Richards. Every match they wrestled made sense. When they had to be funny and lighten the mood, they were humorous in a non-embarrassing way. When the time came to draw blood, they brought intensity that may have been surprising given their natures. For the last five years, Steen was the only reason to tune into Ring of Honor some days, and both men made Pro Wrestling Guerrilla one of the most satisfying promotions in the history of wrestling.

Their talent as individual wrestlers and chemistry together were both undeniable, but only one had any kind of apparent upward mobility. WWE traditionally has been a company that was beholden to the iron will of Vince McMahon's view of what a sports entertainer should look like, and Steen's body type was not in that mold. Sure, WWE has had fat guy wrestlers before, but they have been few, far between, and heavily stereotyped, especially in recent history. Generico got the call and became Sami Zayn, unsurprisingly. Whether or not you may view this as an upgrade artistically is at your own discretion, but he was still one of two wrestlers who deserved a steady paycheck and national exposure for his work. Well, everyone deserves to get paid a living wage, which is the awful thing about the indies. But still, pretending that talent level was commensurate to payscale, he certainly deserved to be in the top percentile. The problem was that Steen, in many ways his soulmate, deserved it just as much, but for whatever reason, he didn't also get the call.

However, a funny thing happened within WWE over the last three or so years. Guys with atypical body frames started to get super over again. The skinny-fat Waffle House line cook Punk and the goat-faced vanilla midget Bryan became two of the most popular wrestlers on the main roster. Even more importantly, Bray Wyatt, a pear-shaped, bearded hillbilly with a metric fuckton of charisma overcame his slotted alignment and arguably gets the most positive reaction from the crowd nowadays. Just as the climate was in the territorial days, and just as it was in the Attitude Era, when Average Joe Steve Austin and slovenly Mick Foley went nuclear, people gravitated towards talent, not to bodily ideals. I'm not sure if those wrestlers proving the supposed body ideal wrong was the tipping point. Hell, I'm not even sure that Steen was prohibited strictly because of that supposed bias. I'm just going on track records lining up with said rumors. But for whatever reason, him being signed now is long overdue.

Of course, the money thing is a huge reason why I'm happy he's going to Full Sail after this weekend's PWG event, but much like Danielson in 2009, Steen really has nothing left to accomplish on the indies outside of putting people over. He became the franchise for PWG and had perhaps the best run with the ROH World Championship since I've been following the promotion. He dabbled with Chikara, helped put promotions in his native Quebec and neighboring Ontario on the map, and wrestled nearly big name who came across his path, from the ridiculous like Masato Tanaka to the sublime like Chris Sabin. Every show on which he was booked was better for him being on it because no matter where he went, he brought his entire repertoire.

So, with his final independent dates on the horizon, only one thing remains for me to say to Steen, and that is thank you. Thanks for putting your body on the line for my entertainment. Thanks for being the biggest and best reason to watch Ring of Honor. Thanks for commentating during your match at random ROH television tapings against enhancement talent and providing laughs while establishing a character. Thanks for getting Davey Richards to show some humor and play the drums in PWG. Thanks for coming to Chikara and lighting a fire under Eddie Kingston's ass. Thank you for the commentary that had me rolling on every PWG DVD. Thank you the social media hijinks and the zoo enthusiasm. And most of all, thank you for being one of the best and brightest performers in independent wrestling history. Now go on and join your buddy down in Orlando. You earned it.

ACW's From Innocence to Insanity 8 Review

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Straight FIRE
Photo Credit: Michael Dupin
I want to state right up front that I will not have anything critical to say about the performances on this show. Every single person on the card, whether in a hardcore match or not, put their bodies on the line for our enjoyment. They all busted their asses (some quite literally, probably). Whether you are for or against the type of matches and spots that occurred on this, the aptly dubbed, "most violent event of the year," you simply can't not, at least, respect the performers.

The booking, however, yeah, I'll have some criticisms of that.

The thing that sucks about having shows outside is that when the air is super thick and humid, it almost makes it unbearable. Letting everyone in the doors fifteen-ish minutes later than scheduled also didn't help. Sure, the show is outside, but we could at the very least had gotten to wait around in the air conditioned bar.

In a slight change, there was no pre-show. I chalk that up to the very, very thin roster that ACW is currently working with. It was even smaller than it had been at recent events.

The Whole F'n Team (Johnny Axxel and Mr. B) vs The Bad Boyz (Lil Tony and Seph Anunnaki)

In a match that was billed as the last ever match between the two teams (thank JESUS!), Franco D'Angelo decided to intervene before it could get started (damnit!). While I was not looking forward to seeing this match for the uptempth time, I did want it to be officially over. I suppose this gives them an excuse to run it again instead of doing something, anything, different with them. It's not something we generally care about, they have nothing to blow-off, so it's okay to just move on.

As for D'Angelo, he just wanted to inform us that he wanted gold around his waist. Any gold would do. He was going to go through our favorites and the ones we hate, men, women, teams, it didn’t matter. It is at this time I would like to make a statement about fans. I respect your right to be able to shout whatever you want (just don’t be misogynistic or homophobic or anything of that nature), but you don’t HAVE to say something all the time. ACW tends to attract the fans who want the shows to be about them (most of them have long since stopped coming, thankfully), so whenever someone is in the ring cutting a promo, they interject themselves, and it’s almost always something stupid.

The part that bugs is that they know the wrestlers can’t do anything. The wrestlers can get in their face and stare them down all night long, but they won’t ever strike the fan (99 times out of a 100 anyway), so it gives the fans an air of invincibility. They think they can say or do whatever they want (which leads to situation’s like Veda Scott getting slapped on the ass). The show isn’t about the fans, and they're really only a small part of it. Boo, cheer, chant all you want, but that’s to the extent of your involvement (barring weird-ass stipulation matches involving staple guns that I will get to soon enough).

Anyway, that was D'Angelo's simple mission statement. He wanted gold, which made the next match all the more puzzling.

ACW Hardcore Championship Match: Barrett Brown © vs. “Centerfold” Matthew Palmer

This match was originally booked as a rematch of last month’s Brown vs. Ricky Starks title defense, but Starks was in Canada. You would think for a match that was booked a day before the show, that they would make sure all participants were at least in the same country. It’s almost like they just announced that match, just so they could have the surprise of Matthew Palmer accepting the open challenge. You know, you could just book that match straight up, and we’d be really excited to see it.

The bigger issue is the match placement. We just had D'Angelo interrupt a match and say he wanted gold around his waist, so why didn’t he just turn around and come back to the ring when Brown revealed he didn’t have a challenger? No matter where on the card you put this match, it would look silly to not have him answer the call, but to have it immediately after his opening spiel? Yeah, that’s just makes everyone look stupid (the fans included). Not to mention, he does have a win over Brown (before he was Hardcore Champ) from way back in February.

The match itself was quite good, as you would expect from these two. Brown used his chair-assisted crossface again, only Palmer was able to escape. The finish was a bit weird, as they did a series of countering pinfalls and Barrett retained thanks to a backslide. It wasn’t even a hardcore backslide! It ended just as it was really picking up and getting exciting. So, that was strange. An odd way to end the Hardcore Title Match at the “most violent event of the year”.

Athena and Jessica James vs KAIENTAI USA (“Dapper” Donny Brookes and Dylan Dunbar)

I love Brookes and Dunbar so much. They’re just so goddamn goofy, even if they are using the well-worn trope of “women shouldn’t be wrestling.” And sometimes I’m 12 years old, so I quite enjoyed Dunbar saying he had “the business in his pants” with their third buddy, Dylan Divine, shouting “the business is his weiner!” So childish, so stupid, so enjoyable. Sometimes I’m 12. It may be way past time to end that storyline mechanism, but it’s effective for these insecure assholes, so I’ll allow it. It helped that they immediately got their comeuppance. Athena was pissed off about what happened at Queen of Queens last month, as she rightly should be. The Business ruined the tournament for the second year in a row. Furthermore, she was especially pissed about the fact that the Joshi Champion, Su Yung, was missing yet another show. She also wasn't alone, as Jessica James joined her in her displeasure.

As I stated in my review of Queen of Queens, they got the story all wrong. Last year, they aided Angel Blue on her way to the crown and title. This year, they did the exact same thing with Yung, when, for the story to be effective, it should have been thwarted in the finals. That was the only story to tell. The Business gets shut down when everyone finally had enough of their shit, banded together, and cleared the way for someone else to cleanly defeat Yung. It’s especially baffling to keep the title on her when she doesn’t appear very often. Four or five times a year, maybe, if we’re lucky? It was a missed opportunity, for sure.

So, the frustration that both Athena and Jessica express are not without merit. It wouldn’t surprise me if they were genuine feelings. The joshi division is, at the very least, getting some true focus. They’re just going to need to beef up the roster a bit. Right now, it’s Athena, Jessica James, Angel Blue, and the occasional appearance from the Champ, Su Yung. From time to time we’ve seen Miss Diss Lexia and Paige Turner, but they’ll need more than those wrestlers to keep things going. Not sure if Barbi Hayden will return, given her commitments being the NWA World Women’s Champion and the fact that she gets featured in main events with Inspire Pro Wrestling. So, as it is, a lot of tension building amongst the joshi, and hopefully Yung can show up a little more frequently so that things can really get moving.

Oh, the match, yeah, it was quick and James picked up the win for her team by submission.

Lil Tony vs. Kyle Hawk

There's not much to say about this except that it was a new development. It was nice to see something new for Lil Tony to do though. He got the win via Tomahawk. Yes, Kyle Hawk is a real Original American who brings a tomahawk to the ring and does the traditional, stereotypical call, you know the one that involves your hand over your mouth. It may be racist (is it racist if an actual Original American does it?), but the kids sure do love doing it. Which is something else that was different about this particular show. For the “most violent event of the year,” there sure were a lot of under-12 kids there, at least six by my count. And this match is when you really noticed them. But they were pretty vocal throughout the show. Kids, man, they aren’t afraid to tell a wrestler that they hate them.

One thing I saw from a fellow ACW fan, is that they were looking forward to Hawk getting his revenge. My thought on that: don’t worry, we’ll see the match probably another 20 times.

Angel Blue vs. Ricky Romida (w/ Chris Trew)

Wait… WHAT!?!? A couple of months ago we got a Business vs. Business tag match, but that was during their “fan favorite phase,” and it was just a good comedy match. This one started with Chris Trew letting everyone know that Su Yung was on a well-deserved vacation, and then Angel Blue made her way out. She was tired of all the “Su is the best” talk and wondered why he didn’t get her a match for the show.

Turns out she didn’t need his help, as she made her own match after kicking Trew right in the testicles. She did the same to Romida when he went to check on his manager. In theory, this match should have lasted two seconds once Romida got his wits about him as he is a massive man. Instead, Blue snuck out the win, making it two losses in a row for Ricky against diminutive opponents. He chalked it up to having his mind on Jeff Gant and the U-30 Championship. That theory doesn't hold much water since his original opponent was supposed to be Killah Kash, someone who is even bigger than Romida.

So, are we supposed to like Angel Blue now? I mean, I enjoy her work, because she can get heat like no one else, and she isn’t afraid to tell a young kid to go fuck him/herself. That’s a rare talent. But why do we suddenly like her? Because she kicked Trew in the dick? It was just two months ago when we all liked The Business (minus Blue, ‘cause she is who she is). I dunno, it MAY have worked a bit, because the few females in attendance suddenly jumped on Angel’s side, but she has been so awful for so long, why should we just like her now?

I’m just not sure where everything goes from here. The logical story would be Blue taking on The Business a member at a time, with the American Joshi Champion as the final boss as it were. That would then put three people in her direct path. But the more troubling aspect of the story is that we already saw it; just no one acknowledged it. Chris Trew walked off following an Blue loss to Jessica James in February. It was never brought up, but he had effectively kicked her out then. I dunno, it seems poorly thought out.

Plus, you would think Blue would realize, of all people, that the Business will never let you win. Not in the end.

Lumberjack Staple Gun Match: Jason Silver vs Sky de Lacrimosa

I was correct in my theory that the fans would be the ones doing the stapling. See, we were encouraged to bring our own staple guns, but they also held a lottery for a few more people to get their staple on. (I will only mention in passing that showing boobs was announced as a way to get a staple gun. There’s no need to go on a long spiel about how that’s not necessary, ‘cause everyone knows, and a lot more people have talked about it more eloquently than I ever could. Still, no. Just no.) So, the fans with staple guns would act as lumberjacks and whether the wrestlers (or the referee) exited the ring or not, you were allowed to staple them.

Nothing happened for a bit, but once it did… HOLY SHIT! There are a bunch of savages in Austin, Texas! Whenever a wrestler went outside, the lumberjacks SWARMED them and stapled the shit out of them. (The only rules were nothing to the testicles or the eyeballs.) It was a wild scene. It’s like all the rules of society had broken down. Honestly, if The Purge was a real thing, I fear the human race would be wiped out within a couple of years.

A few people were more bloodthirsty than others. One lady was picked because her friends nominated her. She did not want to staple anyone and was the only one that hung around on the opposite side from everyone else. Finally, after some goading from the crowd (especially some especially bloodthirsty children), she ran over to staple de Lacrimosa. However, it was either jammed, or she didn’t know how to use it. SDL took it from her, stapled himself like five times in the arm, then handed it back. She finally got it to work and then scampered off.

SDL is a crazy person, because he did not care about getting stapled at all. At one point, it got into a lumberjack’s grill and stapled HIMSELF in the face to let him know he was nonplussed by their attempts to mangle him. Even Thomas Munos, the referee, got a staple to the skull. In the end, Jason Silver picked up the win (and miraculously didn’t kill himself), and called all the lumberjacks into the ring to staple de Lacrimosa one last time.

It was wild, man. I’m not going to lie. I know a lot of people frown on these types of matches, but on the night, it was probably the least dangerous of the hardcore matches. It just led to people becoming excessively crazy. Hopefully, if they want to build Barrett Brown as a worthy Hardcore Champion, Silver gets a shot at the belt. Need some new matchups, and that certainly would be one to look forward to.

Barbed Wire Rope Match: Scot Summers vs Jack Jameson

This is where the booking is really wonky. First, I probably wouldn’t have put the two violent matches back to back. That said, the long ass intermission we got because they had to take the ropes off and then put barbed wire in their place kind of gave us the cooldown we needed. The issue is that it took a REALLY long time. They either should have opened with this match or ended with it because of the sheer logistics of setting up and dismantling. Storywise, it had the most heat behind it, and it was a bloody, fiery battle that needed to end a show. No one was going to top it, so it was kind of silly to plunk it right in the middle. But that’s been a bit of a staple for ACW in my experience. A lot of shows tend to go out on a whimper; this show actually had a solid main event. It just wasn't the right match to go out on.

This match was brutal, blood everywhere - total mayhem. They wrapped themselves in the barbed wire and used their own bodies as weapons in addition to the standard chairs. It was just chaos. The big ending saw Summers set up some chairs in the middle of the ring, wrap them in barbed wire and SET THEM ON FIRE! Poor Summers and D'Angelo couldn’t get the lighter fluid open, so they asked for a knife and just stabbed the can open. That meant more fluid than was necessary was doused on the chairs and the ring. That picture above is what resulted when he threw in the match.

Jameson went through the fire by way of a Death Valley Driver. So, brutal. His screams afterwards were the worst part. Not only was his face busted up, but his back was burnt. It was sick. Nothing I say is going to do the match justice. Just know that these two put their bodies on the line. Legit.

So, where do you go from there? There was some chatter on Twitter about people wanting to see an end to this feud. Like, the two men deserved a third match to cap off the feud. My answer is a simple no. I beg of ACW, to not do Jameson-Summers III. Not now. Not anytime soon. You have got to let this marinate. The story has been Jameson trying to prove himself, show that he belongs with the already made guys, that he should be taken seriously at the top. He accomplished a lot in the first match, even in defeat. The same thing happened in the rematch.

Simply put, Jameson has lost both matches. There were no shenanigans (unless I’m completely forgetting something). The only thing Franco D'Angelo did was provide the lighter fluid. He no more interfered than the guy who provided the knife to puncture the can or the guy who’s autographed chair was used in the burning pile. Summers has won right in the middle of the ring twice. Plus, what match is going to top this? If you did a rematch in August, what do you do? A cage match? That’s pretty tame, plus it’s not a necessary for the story. Whom are you keeping out? You are not going to top a DVD through flaming, barbed wire chairs.

No, in my opinion, you need to move Summers into the ACW Heavyweight Title scene and let him win it. Jameson needs to start over. You need to build him back up. Give him some wins over quality opponents. It’s got to set and be a background element of your shows for six months. Make it wait until Guilty by Association 9. If that’s your biggest show, start building something towards it now. I know it was announced at GBA8 that the World and Hardcore Titles would be unified at GBA9. Well, give the World to Summers, and let Jameson have a battle with Barrett for the Hardcore. He can win it heading into GBA9.

Having the third match happen now, with no time to breathe in-between, is simply mucking up the story. That’s not a story of character and growth and resolve, it would just be a series of matches that saw Jameson winning the feud just because he took the last match. That’s not a compelling story. Make it mean something. Give it stakes. Make us care and be invested. That’s all a wrestling fan wants - something to get behind, to care about.

Summers and D'Angelo confronting the Tag Team Champions later in the show is hopefully them moving away from this story for the time being. Just give it some space to breathe, ACW.

Toy Chest Deathmatch: JC Bravo vs Stan “The Sinner” Summers

Even after another poorly-placed, lengthy intermission to act as a cooldown, it probably still would have been a good idea to run something that wasn’t also hardcore in nature instead of going from a match that left a giant charred spot in the ring (and probably some flesh) to one that used toys with thumbtacks glued on.

The match was pretty fun, though, and had the added stipulation of whoever lost had to go to rehab. That kind of telegraphed the ending, I think, since there’s seemingly no reason for Summers to need it. Only thing we’ve seen him do is drink, and not excessively. I did get my wish, though, as drugs did play a role in the end. But before that, I want to take a gander inside this toy chest.

There were an under-inflated basketball, baseball bats with thumbtacks glued to them (which flew off dangerously when they smashed together), pool noodles wrapped in barbwire, a bike helmet, Lego pieces, Jenga pieces, and the things that made me more squeamish than anything else -  playing cards being used to slice the webbing between Summers' fingers. No thanks!

Summers attempted to lure Bravo into a trap by pouring pills all over the ring mat, but it was way too early in the match to be effective. In the end, though, Bravo pulled out his trusty syringe and was going to use it on Summers, but he reversed it and squirted the contents into Bravo’s eyes, leading to a chokebomb off the turnbuckles onto the pile of army men, Legos, Jenga pieces, and thumbtacks (my parents never gave me those as a kid).

After the match, Summers helped Bravo up, and then put him down again for whatever reason. But now Bravo will be heading off to rehab, so we’ll see what he’s like once he gets back. Hopefully he’ll have changed up his character completely and not just returned to how he was before the drugs became a thing or after. As for Summers? Who’s to say where he goes.

ACW World Tag Team Championship: Paul London and Darin Childs © vs The Man They Call Steve and Scotty Santiago

A couple of months ago, Steve and Santiago lost a hard-fought match against the Champs and this is the rematch that, for some reason, wasn’t announced. It also started weirdly. For those that don’t know anything about the venue, The Mohawk has a balcony and behind the balcony, up another set of stairs is a large patio where the wrestlers hang out and get ready and all that jazz.  The wrestlers either go directly down the stairs to the ring or they hang a left and slap hands with fans on the balcony and go down the other set of stairs. London did the latter, only instead of going down the second stairway, he did a U-turn and casually walked back across the balcony.

While he was taking his sweet time, Childs was already in the ring, and being jumped by the challengers. Steve recently dropped his “different gimmick every show” gimmick and went serious, so he wasn’t going to take this opportunity lightly. Eventually, London made it to the ring, only I’m not even sure he ever got in the ring. Really not sure. Maybe for one go at it he did, but after a lengthy stint as the face-in-peril, Childs went to get his tag to London.

Nope. The Intrepid Traveler was done, hopping off the apron and leaving. It wasn’t until the odds were against him that Childs started to put up a fight. I guess what Brandon Stroud says in his Best and Worst columns is correct. You always want to be at a numbers disadvantage. Unfortunately for Childs, he wasn’t able to overcome said odds, and fell to their opponents, the brand new ACW World Tag Team Champions.

I am all for the title change, but I do have a few issues. Before that, I want to get to the post-match arrival of Scot Summers and Franco D’Angelo. They claimed they weren't there to attack, but Steve didn't trust them and got in their grills. He even laid his title on the mat in front of him, like a line to be crossed. Instead, there were tense handshakes all around, and everyone left without incident. That should be a fun series of matches going forward.

The trouble I have is 1) it kinda undersells the HELL Summers went through in his match. He seemed perfectly fine, which, yeah, he might have been, but he could have sold it a bit. Let that be the reason he didn’t want to get into a physical confrontation just yet. But 2) it’s kind of a bad way to crown new Champs. Especially new Champs you want us to get behind (I assume). Steve and Santiago have always been faces and there’s no reason to change that now as they are two very likeable personalities.

That being said, why do you need the other team, who have only been a team for two months when Childs inexplicably replaced Jack Jameson as London’s partner and have shown ZERO signs of discontent, to split up and leave it two-on-one? It doesn’t make the new Champs look strong. It more puts the focus now on a singles feud between Childs and London. And to what end? London has almost exclusively wrestled tag matches since coming to ACW, so some singles action would be good, don’t get me wrong, but why against the owner of ACW? This goes back to my belief that if you own and book a wrestling company, you need to take a backseat to everyone else.

Heck, he even said he was taking a break from the in-ring stuff after losing to Matthew Palmer at GBA8. I don’t begrudge an owner from wanting to be in the ring and being apart of the show (especially if you’re not going to have an authority figure, which I do commend on ACW for not having), but he should keep to the pre-show and undercard, in my opinion. He shouldn’t be taking up space in feuds with Evan Gelistico (who was World Champ at the time) or Palmer (Hardcore Champ at the time) or being a Tag Team Champ (randomly replacing Jameson when they decided to make him a singles guy, and which he could have just stated he wanted to do instead of a beatdown that somehow magically stripped him of his Championship rights). That’s all my personal opinion. It has nothing to do with Childs as a performer or his ability in the ring (both are just fine), it’s just the perception since everyone knows he’s the guy making the decisions.

If you’re going with some of the old guys (not in age, just experience) at the top, with Masada now your Champion (Vexx would have fit the mold, too, before he retired, which I will get to in a bit), and ACH challenging next month, go all out. Put London in the mix, too, with Summers and whoever else you got lying around. As it is, it looks like at least one (although probably multiple) matches between London and Childs. They’ll probably be good, but I’m not sure of their purpose in the grander scheme of things.

ACW World Heavyweight Championship: Shawn Vexx (c) vs. Masada

This was originally booked to be ACH challenging, but at the last minute (had a few of these this show, huh?) they announced that he wouldn’t be able to make it (but definitely would in August) and instead was replaced with the menacing Masada. So, here’s my question, if ACH was the original opponent, was he going to win the title? Because Masada is now your new ACW Champion and Vexx announced his retirement. The Heavyweight Title situation has been weird since I started watching ACW. Evan Gelistico held it forever and seemed like he was feuding with Ricky Starks more than anyone else, only he fought Vexx in a cage match at the biggest show of the year and lost. Vexx hasn’t had any sustainable feud since he got it.

Not to mention that we don’t even have a physical belt for the Champ to carry around (unless it was presented after the match). To be fair, my wife and I left as soon as the match was over because we were both hungry, hot, sweaty, and tired, so we missed Vexx’s actual retirement announcement. So, what’s next? I already stated my views earlier, but getting Summers into the mix would be the best call. I’m not sure who else they have who has the momentum. Almost everyone else is gone (hence why ACH is getting a shot despite only being able to show up maybe twice a year).

And if Davey Vega and the Submission Squad are not coming back (which, storyline wise, would be pointless since Vexx is now also gone), someone needs to get the belt back. I’m going on the assumption that Vega legit left with the belt, although I’m not sure why he would actually have to do that, instead of keeping it in Darin’s house until the story played itself out. It’s not necessary now, so bring it back or get a new one. Kinda silly to watch title matches each month with no physical representation of said title.

As for the match itself, it wasn’t boring in the least. We weren't in the best moods because of outside circumstances, but it was enjoyable and brutal. At one point, Masada brought out his trusty bag of skewers and stuck about thirty into the top of Vexx’s head, leaving him crawling around with an artificial mohawk. Although, maybe next time,  Masada just shouldn't take the handful of skewers and just chuck them into the crowd. I saw a couple of people get hit, some in the face. If they’re pointy enough to stick to the top of someone’s head, they’re pointy enough to put someone’s eye out. An unnecessary dangerous element that the fans shouldn’t have to contend with. They already have to be on their toes for whenever anyone falls out of the ring.

But not a bad capper to the “most violent event of the year,” even though the Barbwire Rope Match really should have been the main event.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Overall, I really enjoyed the show. I know the hardcore elements are not for everyone, but I really don’t have a problem with them. I wish the wrestlers wouldn’t kill themselves for my enjoyment, because I would like to see them on future shows and to continue seeing them walk after they turn forty. It was a nice change of pace from Queen of Queens and the match finishes and everything were mostly booked a lot better. There actually weren’t any run-ins all show (except for D'Angelo busting up the tag match before it could even get started), now that I think back on it. The only match that really had any interference was the Lil Tony-Kyle Hawk match. Which should go to show you, ACW, that you don’t have to go into overkill with your finishes. The Business doesn’t have to end every match with a five-on-one advantage to get the win. Of course, they can’t now anyway, with Angel Blue defecting.

The show really did live up to it’s motto of being the most violent of the year, at least from what I’m likely to see. It may have been unnecessarily brutal at times, but those are the risks one takes when entering an ACW ring. Things are definitely getting shaken up, almost out of necessity given how many former talents are seemingly no longer working the company at all or if they are, with a limited schedule. That’s both good and bad, as for the talents it hopefully means they are picking up more bookings in different parts of the country, but bad because it makes it hard to nail down a narrative for the shows. Hard to have a big time title feud if half the participants may only show up a few times a year.

Every Championship is really up for grabs, and who will be challenging for them is anyone’s guess. So far for the August show Distrust, Dismay, and Antisocial Behavior (they really need to get some new show names for a few of these), ACH is booked to challenge for Masada’s ACW Heavyweight Title, and Jeff Gant will be defending the U-30 Championship against the man he won it from, Ricky Romida. They have way too many belts floating around right now. Hell, who’s the Televised Champ? I honestly don’t recall right now. Was it Barbi Hayden? Just eliminate the U-30 and TV belts, and just stick with the World, Hardcore (until they get unified next year), Tag, and Joshi. There’s no reason to have any more than that. The less the better, because you can really beef up your division and have some new and exciting matchups.

The biggest thing right now, from where I sit, is nailing down a stable roster, and then working out from there. They have some things brewing that can be really good. It’s almost the best time for ACW, because they almost get to reset everything, and start really building some things. The main focus, if it were me, would be on building Jameson back up to have a true, final blow-off with Summers with something truly on the line. Start there and build down.

Reference Points: The Usos and the Fantastics

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The Usos compare favorably to a classic '80s tag team, but it's not the one you think it is
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Ever since they became a babyface tag team, the Usos have been a fascinating case study. Why, you might be asking? Because, for right or wrong, there are certain perceptions of how Samoans, or for that matter all of the South Sea Islands wrestlers, are supposed to wrestle. They're supposed to be tough and mean and most of all, big. The Usos are none of these things. In fact, in more ways than I think they would care to admit, they're not the heirs to the Headshrinkers, or even the Islanders tag team of Haku and Tama.

Truthfully, what they are is the heirs to the pretty-boy tag teams that dotted the 1980s like the guys who are aping strong-style dot this decade. And while everyone remembers the Rock N' Roll Express, and rightly so, for what they did as a tag team, I think the team that most reminds me of the Usos were always thought of as not the Rock N' Rolls. And that's not an insult to them. Because, if we're being fair, the Rock N'Rolls weren't the sole great babyface tag team of the 1980s. There were others too. And the team the Usos remind me the most of is The Fantastics.

The Fantastics, for whatever reason, sometimes get ignored. Maybe it's because they didn't have that dance partner in the same way that the Rock N' Rolls had the Midnights, or the Rockers had the Hart Foundation. The point of what they were, though, is the same. The Fantastics are a team you should be watching more of.




The stuff I chose to link you to is the stuff from Japan because, at least in the late '80s and early '90s, Japan was still thought of as the place where people went when they felt like they wanted to stretch their legs. Also, the first match is baby Kenta Kobashi and I don't think you want to miss that.

TWB Retro Live Tweet Recap: WCW Sin

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You poor, sweet man
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Last night, an intimate but intrepid group of TWB readers and Tweeters got together and watched the third-to-last pay-per-view event in World Championship Wrestling history, Sin. This group sat through the beautiful trainwreck that was end-of-days WCW and got to see some breathtaking cruiserweight action, more of Reno in one night than is recommended by the Surgeon General in a year, TWO doses of Michael Buffer's overblown ring announcing, and the aftermath of an injury too horrific not to edit out. Like I thought, the show wasn't a complete abomination, but it had the hallmarks of post-Starrcade '96 WCW all over it: plodding old farts clogging the main events, senseless overbooking, and the younger, hungrier wrestlers busting their asses for what would amount to a whole lot of nothing. Of course, watching the event was half the game. The other half? YOUR TWEETS! The following list contains the best of the show:

(Full disclosure: I had forgotten this event contained Sid's ghastly, career-ending injury.)







(in reference to Reno)



























(in reference to DDP and Kevin Nash stretching in a backstage segment)















































Overall, another strong performance was had by the TWB Tweeting Public. Thanks for joining me on my intrepid quest to watch late-WCW, and I swear, it won't be another four months for the next one. If you want a hint about August's show, well, I would like to take a trip across the pond for a show that aired for English eyes only...

Big Heat's Hot Takes: Get Your World Champ Out Of My Wrestling Show!

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BORK LAZER doesn't need to be around every week
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Wrestling fans, we are seemingly entering an era where the top competitor holding the top prize in the top promotion in the country will become a non-present entity.

It started this past week on RAW, when incumbent WWE World Heavyweight Champ John Cena - The Greatest in WWE History™ - was absent to film a role in a movie. I would love to point out the hypocrisy of this move after Cena had such issue with The Rock always being absent for the same reason during the build to both Once In A Lifetime matches, but I'll refrain for the time being. Scheduling rumors also indicate Cena will be missing the August 4th episode of Raw for more movie stuff.

And SummerSlam will be headlined by Cena defending his world championship against Brock Lesnar. With Lesnar a heavy favorite to capitalize on The Streak momentum and win, does he have enough of his limited dates left to appear regularly with the Championship should he be victorious?

Who cares? The better question is, does it really matter if the World Champ is on Raw every week?

When Monday Night Raw premiered in January 11, 1993, the only Champion who appeared was Intercontinental Champion Shawn Michaels. WWF Champion Bret Hart did not appear until an interview segment during the second episode; he did not wrestle until March. In fact, the World Champion - whoever it might be at a given point - did not regularly appear on Raw until the beginning of the Monday Night Wars in 1995. With Vince McMahon determined to be the top game in town, all stops were pulled out to earn victories in the ratings.

Fast-forward to today. The Monday Night Wars ended nearly 15 years ago. There are no other promotions worthy of being considered "competition" at the moment. TNA is the only other company with a major television deal, and they are perpetually on the verge of going out of business. Hardcore WWE fans are likely to watch every week, and casual fans don't necessarily tune in to see the C0hampion. If they flip past the USA Network and like what they saw, they'll watch for a bit to see what happens.

Back in the 1980s, it was considered a treat if the Champion showed up on Superstars or Prime Time Wrestling. Fans watched to see the action, and then bought the pay-per-views to see what they couldn't normally see. If McMahon wants to build up his WWE Network subscriptions, maybe this is a good way to do it - keep your top draw in your pocket for special events.

That's not to say a Champion can't be involved in the show - video packages, recaps, "backstage interviews" and the like are all ways to give someone airtime without having them live. Something as simple as another character mentioning the champ is good enough.

You want evidence to support this theory? Flash back to post-Rumble, 2013. The Rock ended CM Punk's historic 434-day Championship reign, and promptly disappeared from television. Did his appearing or not appearing influence the ratings? Not really. Whether the Champ was on the show or not, ratings held more or less steady.

In this day and age, you don't need a World Champion to be on a show any more than jobbers. Times have changed, and as long as the overall in-ring action is good, you can get by with just your secondary Champions holding down the fort.

So when Lesnar wins the WWE World Heavyweight Championship and runs away with the belt, let's not complain, huh? Let's save the complaints for something worth complaining about, like why is Dolph Ziggler always getting buried, or why Bray Wyatt is starting to look incompetent.

Or maybe even why the hell is Kane still playing the part of a potential World Champion?

G1 Climax 24 Day One Review

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Okada and Shibata celebrate victories during day one of wrestling's biggest annual tournament
Photo Credit: njpw.co.jp
Day one of New Japan Pro Wrestling's annual G1 Climax took place three days ago and it was a hell of a start. The tournament is kinda like the Wimbledon of Japanese professional wrestling and has gone through several different names and incarnations, but it's probably most well known in its current round robin format. Basically every year the company takes twenty of its top stars, splits them into two brackets and says "fight, fuckers". Everyone wrestles everyone and the two guys with the most wins from either group face off in the final. The tournament has decades of historical importance behind it with past winners including Hulk Hogan, Andre the Giant, Antonio Inoki and The Great Muta. From just looking at those names you can tell that winning the G1 Climax is the company telling the world "you're our guy".

Last year's G1 drew critical acclaim with many proclaiming it as the best in the tournament's history. And although its winner, Tetsuya Naito didn't have the success that New Japan was hoping for, it did produce a string of match of the year candidates and a breakout star in Tomohiro Ishii. This year, the brackets are almost identical so hopes are high for another batch of great shows. If the opening round was any indication of quality, that shouldn't be a problem. Let me break it down for you match by match so hopefully by the end you'll know why you should be watching, if you're not already.

1) Tomohiro Ishii vs Bad Luck Fale:
Ishii is a big bulldog of a man, but he looks like frickin' Cowboy Lang compared to Fale. This was a super enjoyable hoss match with both guys showing of some serious strength executing moves that required lifting up their opponent. Also, more than ever Fale's limited mobility really showed in this bout but I actually think that may be a positive in the long run. He's been on a tear recently, demolishing everyone he steps into the ring with but only because they let themselves be caught by him. So the psychology of a Bad Luck Fale match works like this. Fale is strong but he's slow. If he catches you, you're screwed, but if you're light on you're feet, you may be able surprise him when he's off his guard. It's a great way to save face for a wrestler who up until now has been unstoppable and should make for a great story when it happens.

2) Hiroyoshi Tenzan vs Karl Anderson:
This was about as good a match as Tenzan is capable of these days. I do feel mean saying that 'cause the guy used to be a machine, but unfortunately I just don't think he has it in him anymore. Nothing wrong with that, but it does mean I have to watch boring matches featuring him until he decides to retire. With that said these guys did at least try to have a good match, and Tenzan even busted out his moonsault that I always think is gonna kill him, so props for that.

3) Doc Gallows vs Shelton X Benjamin:
And here we have the gateway match for people too scared to try something new. Gallows' and Benjamin's job as "internationally recognized former WWE™ superstars" is to attract people who don't know anything about Japanese wrestling so they'll go "hey it's something I'm familiar with, maybe I'll watch this por-oh-ress-oh". But for the fans in attendance, it doesn't work so well because they don't care about ex-WWE/TNA guys who've barely had a memorable match between them.

You could hear a pin drop during this. Benjamin is one of those guys that people make up apologetics for, like how "WWE never used him right" or whatever despite the eight years of opportunities he got which included beating f'ing Triple f'ing H. As for Gallows, he seems like a lovely guy and I like to think of myself as an honorary SES member, but come on! He was the mentally deficient guy who only responded to the sound of a ring bell and he was a member of Aces and Eights, which is much much worse. Surely these are not the people you want holding your tag titles and competing in your biggest tournament of the year.

4) Satoshi Kojima vs Yuji Nagata:
These two are like a pair of Honda Civics. They run forever and seemingly never break down. This wasn't exactly a great match but it was definitely a fun one and there are few things I like more than watching tough old bastards beat the shite out of each other.

5) Minoru Suzuki vs Toru Yano:
Like I mentioned in my Dominion review, Suzuki and Yano are the Kofi Kingston and Dolph Ziggler of New Japan. This was their 240th match in their best of 6,000 series, and it was laughably crap. Yano won after only a few minutes with a roll up so at least the bookers had the good sense to keep it short. Though not enough sense to stop running this match it would seem.

6) Yujiro Takahashi vs Tetsuya Naito:
These two are another pair shooting for Kofi/Ziggler status but damn! These two had a pretty tight match here. Both guys used to tag together in a team called No Limit a few years ago that had a Jannety/Michaels feel to it. Everyone assumed Naito (since he was clearly the better wrestler) was gonna be the breakout star, and even though he's challenged for the IWGP Title a few times he really hasn't become the top guy that everyone expected him to be.

Takahashi on the other hand has been scraping and clawing his way up the ranks, playing to every strength he has and using his unbelievably dickish persona to make him one of the most over heels in the company. He's recently been promoted by being grouped in with the Bullet Club and given a singles title run. The guy's been on a quality match roll too, having just beaten Ishii in a great main event a few weeks ago and here he puts away Naito with his sick-as-fuck variant of the Death Valley Bomb.

7) Hirooki Goto vs Togi Makabe:
This was a bloody great encounter between two perfectly matched wrestlers. Both Goto and Makabe are in that eternal British Bulldog/Kane spot, where they're in the upper echelon and might even challenge for the belt occasionally but sure as hell won't be winning it any time soon. They also physically match up pretty well too, both buys wrestle like bulldozers with one employing stiffness and the other relying on power. The result is a wrecking ball (not a reference I swear) of a match where either guy has an even chance of winning. On this particular night though, Goto somehow managed to get Makabe up for the shouten and win in what was only the third best match of the night.

8) Tomoaki Honma vs Hiroshi Tanahashi:
I've mentioned before about how I think Honma is one of the most underrated wrestlers in the world. I've thought that since I watched him have one the best hardcore-oriented matches I've ever seen against Masato Tanaka. But for some reason New Japan just has no god damn interest in him, and this is a company who has Toru Yano pinning Minoru Suzuki. I had such high hopes for Honma when he returned to help out Togi Makabe against Chaos. But then he lost the resulting tag match and then lost then next match and then lost and lost and lost. Bear in mind, he's not some crappy jobber like YOSHI-HASHI or someone. The guy is fucking GREAT, and he's incredibly popular, so giving a chance to prove his worth only makes sense, right? Wrong, because technically he shouldn't even be in the tournament. He was added as a last minute replacement for Kota Ibushi who suffered an unfortunate concussion. But a positive outcome of that misfortune is that now Honma has the biggest opportunity of his career.

More than ever I would have really liked to understand the commentary during this match because I was dying to know how the commentators were selling it. It's such an interesting situation. You have two wrestlers, both are very good at what they do, both are very popular (although one is undoubtedly more so than the other) but one is at the absolute top of the card and one is at the absolute bottom (you know without being a complete goober like... I don't know... YOSHI-HASHI). So I was definitely both very curious and hopeful about how this match would turn out and for the most part I was happy. It was a great match but while I wasn't expecting Tanahashi to put over his opponent like he did for Ishii last year, I was hoping Honma would come out looking a little bit more of a bad ass. He didn't kick out of any Tanahashi's big moves so in the end he looked like he was beaten relatively easily.

One thing that shocked me and does give me hope though was that Honma got one hundred percent of the chants. That's a big deal. It means the the crowd wants to support him even if he has no chance of winning. Lets hope that regardless of how much he loses, that Honma puts on a great showing because I do not know of anyone more deserving of a little recognition.

9) Katsuyori Shibata vs Shinsuke Nakamura:
This was the match of the night and featured the stiffest fucker in NJPW going against my personal favorite wrestler in the world and my pick to win this year's G1 Climax, in Nakamura. I can say without reservation that Nakamura is the coolest person in the world. And I really do mean that because there's a fine line between cool and weird/lame. If I was walking down the street and started frantically making hand gestures and pointing at no one in particular I'd probably be in jail. I don't know what for but they'd probably drum up some charge just to stop me from doing it. But look at SWAG-suke, walking to the ring like a lunatic and everyone eats it up. Because he's the one doing it and that makes it awesome.

There was some honest to god beauty in this match especially involving Nakamura and his inability to stop posing even when it costs him. Seriously, he had Shibata in the corner on two occasions, readying him for a running knee but just had to do his crazy hand symbols first and both times Shibata moved out of the way. Finally Nakamura got his act together on the third go and managed to hit him. Also if you saw this match then you saw both guys narrowly escape with their lives by ducking two fastest swinging kicks I've ever seen.

10) Kazuchika Okada vs AJ Styles:
A great main event to cap off a great night of action. This was probably Styles' best match since joining the company and the first where the fans truly bought him as a heel. This was possibly due to some real great crowd working by Styles which included throwing Okada back into the ring and shouting "look at what a good guy I am". Also special mentions for some impressive leaps over the barricade by both guys and the single greatest bridge of a German suplex I have ever seen. Watch the match and look at how Okada does it, he throws the guy, arches his back and stands right on his tippy toes. It's incredible. Another thing of note is the interference at the end from Takahashi which the crowd goes ape shit over. Isn't it interesting how the crowd buy into something more if you only do it from time to time? Not every damn match.

Overall Thoughts: A great show and the best I've reviewed so far on The Wrestling Blog. If you're new to puro this show in particular would be an ideal place to start. Not much in the way of storylines just loads and loads of spectacular wrestling.

Twitter Request Line, Vol. 86

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Hard to have a HOSS division when The Flood has all the members, like the Devastation Corporation
Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein
It's Twitter Request Line time, everyone! I take to Twitter to get questions about issues in wrestling, past and present, and answer them on here because 140 characters can't restrain me, fool! If you don't know already, follow me @tholzerman, and wait for the call on Wednesday to ask your questions. Hash-tag your questions #TweetBag, and look for the bag to drop Thursday morning. Without further ado, here are your questions and my answers!


Firstly, are you sure it was Loudspeaker or Remsburg who said it and not Leonard F. Chikarason? He has been pretty vocal on Twitter about a potential HOSS division along with the folks who run Absolute Intense Wrestling. Anyway, I'm nominally against weight classes in wrestling because they're prohibitive and take away from the specialness of any matchup being possible in the squared circle. That being said, if people are hell-bent on having a cruiserweight division, then certainly, the BRUISERweights should have time in the Sun too. Far too often is a wrestler, male or female, disregarded because of their weight, and yet many of the best wrestlers out there today either have super height, big muscles, or are, how shall I say, rubenesque? Kevin Steen, Mickie Knuckles, Samoa Joe, and who can forget MARK HENRY all have extra weight and are among the best out there. Chris Masters and Uhaa Nation are jacked to the gills and can still work, and Big Show is one of the most criminally underregarded wrestlers in history just because he's seven feet tall with the weight behind it. The big guys and gals need recognition too.

Anyway, a Chikara HOSS division would be far too dominated by The Flood right now to book properly. The only wrestler who comes close to qualifying on the tecnico side right now is Worker Ant. Everyone else - all three of the Devastation Corporation, Oleg the Usurper, Nøkken, Deucalion - reside with The Flood. Maybe after the big battle is over and things return to normal in Chikara, a decent HOSS division can be formed. Right now, it feels impossible. It should also be noted that two potential HOSS division wrestlers were "killed" this past weekend in the Estonian Thunder Frog and Tursas. WHEN WILL THE VIOLENCE AGAINST HOSSES STOP???

You do you, man. That query sounds like it deals with personal taste, and no one should ever shame anyone else for innocuous preference as long as it's not rooted in bigotry.

As long as promoters can continue to string words together or pair a first name with a surname, wrestlers are going to have somewhat unique names. Even stables potentially could have fresh names in perpetuity, especially if they go the Weird Twitter route and just put random words together. Imagine a stable called the Horse Lump Magpies or Phlebotomy Rank? However, I'll pretend that only a finite number of names exist and at some point in the near future, all of the available names run out. Wrestling promoters still won't have a problem naming people, because wrestling is filled with some of the most unoriginal people in history. Having trouble giving someone a nickname? Easy! Either diminutize or nepotize a prior ringname/nickname (El Santo -> El Hijo del Santo) or blatantly recycle a name. You think Ric Flair was the only Nature Boy? FUCK NO, he wasn't even the first! Buddy Rogers had that before Flair even left Minnesota to conquer the Carolinas. And of course Flair's popularity inspired Buddy Landel to take up that moniker as well. Wrestling will never run out of things to call its performers and cliques. Ever.

If I'm picking with my heart, you know I'm going with Shinsuke Nakamura, but my heart is unfortunately more educated about NJPW than my brain is. However, has lack of knowledge ever stopped me from making a prediction before? NEVER! I'm not entirely sure if Jado and Gedo hold their promotion's fans in as much open disdain as Vince McMahon seems to his, but given that they've put nearly every single title on Bullet Club members in the last year leads me to believe they have that capacity. So, in an attempt to top themselves, I believe that Shelton Benjamin will win. I wonder if that horror would be enough to get people to throw figurative tomatoes at NJPW. I don't want that to happen, really. I want all you NJPW fans to enjoy that promotion and for it to make you happy and for SWAG-suke or Tomohiro Ishii or Katsuyori Shibata to win, but man, that company put its top title on fucking AJ Styles. In 2014. I don't have a good feeling about this.

It's hard to say. Sin Cara came from a different culture than KENTA is. A lot of what I perceived to be the problem with the former Mistico was that he had to adjust from working to the right as lucha custom is without any time to adjust in developmental. Plus, his mask appeared to have less visibility than what he wore in Mexico. Basically, the deck was stacked against him from the start, and of course, his ego didn't help matters either. Ultimo Dragon, however, feels like more of a cautionary tale because he represents a larger historical problem within WWE. Quick, name a superstar of Japanese nativity who got over huge in WWE. Nope, Yokozuna doesn't count because he only pretended to be of Japanese heritage. Great Muta hit his sweet spot stateside within the NWA/WCW. Mr. Fuji is the last guy to have gotten over, but after him, the two best answers are Jinsei "Hakushi" Shinzaki and Yoshihiro Tajiri. Neither guy really ascended to the kind of heights to be considered success stories. Granted, no race or ethnicity has had a stunning track record of success outside the white male of European descent. However, at least Mexico has Alberto del Rio, Rey Mysterio, Eddie Guerrero, and Tito Santana to its name, whether as natives of the country or those who could actually claim heritage.

However, KENTA does have a few things going for him. First, he's going to spend some time in NXT. No matter how much current WWE in-ring style has borrowed from the indies which directly borrowed from the Japanese scene KENTA helped define, it's not nearly the same thing as going to the mat in, say, Pro Wrestling NOAH. Second, it's easier than ever to get over solely on being a good wrestler than ever before, which leads directly into the third reason. KENTA may not need to do anything except be KENTA for fans to get behind him. If the vocal hardcore fans in the crowd know who you are from a prior company, be it independent or from another country, you are going to get support no matter what. Daniel Bryan and CM Punk both were beneficiaries of unwavering support from the seeds in the crowd that grew to engulf whole arenas. KENTA can benefit from the same. So, while track record does give a reason to be concerned, Mr. Kobayashi might have a far better chance of becoming the first Japanese megastar in WWE's history than any of his forebears.

SummerSlam 2009 might be forgettable in the grand history of the event, but man, when Dolph Ziggler countered Rey Mysterio's ring-in springboard plancha with a perfectly-timed dropkick to the gut, I knew I was watching someone special. That match was one hell of an opener.

ARTIST'S RENDITION:

For one, I would probably drink cyanide. After that, it's anyone's guess!

Full disclosure - trying to glean WrestleMania plans from July of the previous year is a fool's errand. Anyway, with that in mind, and assuming the darkest timeline (read: Daniel Bryan is never, ever coming back), the following is my WrestleMania XXXI card:

WWE World Heavyweight Championship Match
Brock Lesnar (c) vs. Roman Reigns - Lesnar is probably winning the Championship at SummerSlam, and I don't see any other stage where he could possibly lose it without looking like a chump than WrestleMania. Reigns is looking more and more like THE MAN going forward, and a Royal Rumble win looks like a foregone conclusion. Mania is a stage for elevation, and what better way to get to that level than by beating Lesnar in what could be his final WWE appearance ever?

Evolution's End
Batista vs. Randy Orton, special guest referee Triple H - It has to end sometime, so why not build towards one, final Mania countdown and get it the fuck over with already?

Dean Ambrose vs. Seth Rollins - This feud could easily be kept alive for the next seven months, especially if SURPRISE AMBROSE is prominently involved.

Sting vs. The Undertaker - This match seems inevitable, so I'm just going to accept it and move on with my life.

WWE Divas Championship Cage Match
Paige (c) vs. AJ Lee - The tradition has been to have some kind of Divas clusterfuck, but with Triple H gaining more and more backstage clout, the direction towards a serious, Mania-worthy feud for the women is logical. Again, this feud can be kept alive for the next seven months with creative booking. Even if WWE writers are anything but creative, I think they will keep this one going.

Bray Wyatt vs. The Big Show - Basically, this match is to feed Wyatt a world-sized trophy for his first big Mania moment that won't be ruined by John Cena Overcoming The Odds™.

WWE Tag Team Championship Match
Luke Harper and Erick Rowan (c) vs. The Ascension - Why the fuck not?

WWE United States/Intercontinental Title Unification Match
Antonio Cesaro (US c) vs. Sami Zayn (IC c) - I admit this match is wishful thinking on my part, but WWE seems bent on unifying the secondary titles. Why not do it as a continuation of NXT's greatest feud since Alex Riley vs. Dignity?

Andre the Giant Battle Royale
John Cena vs. Sheamus vs. The Miz vs. Dolph Ziggler vs. Kofi Kingston vs. Big E Langston vs. Bad News Barrett vs. Jimmy Uso vs. Jey Uso vs. Stardust vs. Goldust vs. Bo Dallas vs. Alexander Rusev vs. Jack Swagger vs. Adrian Neville vs. Tyler Breeze vs. Ryback vs. Curtis Axel vs. The Demon Kane™ vs. The Great Khali - I know putting Cena in a throwaway match at Mania sounds like a bad idea, but the plan here would be to give the BR some major starpower and give the eventual winner, more than likely Rusev or even Dallas, a name final elimination upon which to hang his hat. The future around Cena seems so foggy right now, the foggiest it's ever been, and the rumors of him leaving for Hollywood after 2015 only continue to obfuscate prognosticating around him.

Depends on who leaves his respective company first, Kevin Dunn or Ruben Amaro, Jr.

I would make that trade in a heartbeat, especially since the Phillies are willing to eat his ENTIRE salary in order to release him. Sure, he might be lumbering and slow, but with enough physical rehab and training at the Performance Center, he could have a Mark Henry-esque HOSS renaissance in a WWE ring. Plus, the Bella Twins could probably cover a lot more ground than one might realize. And hey, maybe if Brie Bella is a ballgirl, Daniel Bryan will show up at Citizen's Bank Park. HOW DOES ANYONE LOSE THIS TRADE?

Only if Zeb Colter gets repackaged as Señor Cardgage.

The best name obviously would be Kevin Steen. Why go away with the familiar name? The worst name? Barring any kind of cartoonishly stupid sing-songy names like "Chilly McFreeze," giving him some overly ornate French affected name would be a mistake. Like, just because he's from Quebec doesn't mean he should be named Jacques Flaubert or some shit like that.

Whichever one was Charlie Brown from Outta Town. I have to admit, I'm not as well-versed on House Valiant as some might be.

I don't know if you've heard or not, but CM Punk said he was never, ever coming back to WWE. I don't know if he sang it to the tune of the Taylor Swift song with the similar message, but if he did, then he would have gotten major bonus points. Anyway, since he's gone, that means the Go 2 Sleep isn't his move anymore. KENTA can safely take that one back. AS for the YES! Lock, Bryan didn't take that from KENTA so much that KENTA started using it after Bryan affected it in 2010. However, if the darkest timeline comes to fruition, then KENTA could have all his finishing moves back except for the octopus stretch, which has been adopted by one AJ Lee as the Black Widow.

But assuming that Bryan DOES come back and WWE thinks the wounds of Punk leaving are too fresh for KENTA to use the G2S, then he has a perfectly cromulent backup finisher to fall back upon that's perfect for the lower-impact WWE ring. One of his signature moves is the Falcon Arrow, a suplex that is dropped into a sitout front slam. In a company where the fucking Attitude Adjustment is one of the most protected finishes, the Falcon Arrow definitely could get over. Plus, it would lend credence to the running PWG announce gag that "NO ONE KICKS OUT OF THE FALCON ARROW!" Okay, that last one isn't a good reason why WWE would have KENTA adopt that as his finisher, but hey, I gotta fit 'em in when I can, y'know?

I would give it a solid 25% chance. WWE has only ever had one person not cash in his briefcase, and even then, it was only because he lost said briefcase in an actual match (Mr. Kennedy losing to Edge). The story is certainly there, but with WWE's lack of patience letting some things develop, I wouldn't at all be surprised if the briefcase was used as some kind of stipulation at Night of Champions. Besides, would WWE really allow three of the last five briefcase holders to fail in their cash-in attempts? (And letting the briefcase expire is as good as a failure.) It's a tantalizing story, but I don't think it's likely to happen.

WWE has done serious intergender wrestling before. Chyna was as much a credible contender as most of the midcard she occupied, and if she hadn't been tossed to the curb by the company when Triple H ran off with Stephanie McMahon, she may have made it to the main event. Sure, her spot was based off how "manly" she was, and the amount of transphobia that fueled her push as a freakshow attraction was probably off the charts. However, she did wrestle and beat men, so it counts for something. Now, will it ever happen again? I can safely say that serious intergender competition won't happen as long as Vince McMahon is alive and Kevin Dunn is employed. Trips does seem to want to cultivate a strong women's division if NXT is any indication, but his ideas on gender mixing are largely obfuscated right now. The audience may have to play wait and see after he and Stephanie McMahon fully take over the company, but my lean is that the odds of it happening again in earnest are below 50/50.

He's referring to the #TWBSin event last night. Anyway, I did it for your own good. YOU NEED TO BUILD CHARACTER, SON!

Nothing is ever set in stone, but right now, I'm looking at a couple of shows. The favorite is WWF Rebellion 1999, a UK-only pay-per-view headlined by a Rock/Triple H steel cage match for the title. I want to mass-view an event that may not have been seen by most of the participants and to view how different an Attitude Era show was for a Brit-only crowd. Other contenders Clash of the Champions IX (Ric Flair/Terry Funk I Quit match), Money in the Bank '11 (duh), SummerSlam '92 (a fall-back in case Rebellions' not on the Network), and one of the Great American Bashes.

First thing's first, if this group is not presented as a babyface stable, then it's a fundamental failure of WWE on understanding its sizable number of persons of color in the audience and representing them in a way that's both positive and constructive. Seriously, responding to an article calling the company out by having the black dudes in the company go evil seems to be an empty gesture. Yeah, you'll get your Black Champions, but you're gonna have to root against them or even worse, be told that the things they fight for, which is the same the POCs in the crowd are fighting for in real life, are only for bad people to take. I have no faith in WWE to pull this off right until they actually prove to me that they can, but I'm also a white male shithead. My opinion probably shouldn't count as much as, y'know, POC fans.

Secondly, the group, which according to spoilers is going to be called "No Direction," should probably only add one more guy to hearken back to the first Black militant group in The Nation of Domination, Mark Henry. That addition would make sense because he knows what it's like to fight the good fight. If WWE adds ALL THE BLACK WRESTLERS to the group, then it would just send out bad vibes.

Far and away, my favorite Batman movie is the first in Christopher Nolan's gritty reboot of the franchise, Batman Begins. The film was the most Batman-centric of them all, and it had brilliant performances from everyone involved except maybe Katie Holmes (although I'm in the minority and think she was a better Rachel Dawes than Maggie Gyllenhaal was). It didn't have the plot holes of the third movie, the ham-handed morality play of The Dark Knight, and I prefer Batman at least to be grimy and dark, which is why I dig it over the line of movies started by Tim Burton (although the original, 1989 Batman was great in its own right).

In a world full of macho bravado, it takes a performer secure enough in his own abilities like "Smooth Sailing" Ashley Remington to be able to be as nice to defeated foes as he is. Everyone else is just a corny husk of an emotional wreck, man.

The same region that I always seem to be championing, the South, particularly Georgia. Beyond Wrestling has done some good work penetrating both Tennessee and Georgia promotions. NWA Smoky Mountain has come into its own as a national promotion, and North Carolina has actually emerged as a hot state for the super-indies. Man though, Southern Illinois gets more nationwide dap than Georgia. I don't mean to throw shade too badly, but if you give me Kyle Matthews, the Washington Bullets, and Fred Yehi against the Kentucky Buffet, Christian Rose, and Angelus Layne, I'm taking the former every time. Again, I'm not trying to knock the SI crew, which is very good in its own right, or any region across the country. I'm just baffled at how a state like Georgia which was a territorial POWERHOUSE back in the day has got little to no spotlight shone on it. Of course, some of that lack of promotion has to do with the companies themselves not getting the word out. In a perfect world, every state or region or metro area would have a fully developed independent wrestling scene, and all of those scenes would get roughly equal exposure and congratulation commensurate to the quality contained within. But the world's imperfect, and the state of Georgia lags behind in exposure. That situation has to change.

Uh, yes?

In all seriousness, I am all-in on Miz's too-big-for-his-britches Hollywood character. Someone on Twitter argued that Miz shouldn't be celebrating the Intercontinental Championship like it was his personal WrestleMania moment when he actually headlined WM27, and I couldn't disagree more. He's back celebrating a straight-to-DVD sequel of a poorly-received John Cena franchise that he picked up from fucking Ted DiBiase, Jr. like it was a role in the next Fast and Furious movie. It's the perfect level of delusion and overinflated ego. Let him go Peak White Guy and become as obnoxious as possible. It'll be great.

It's Sting, isn't it? It's gotta be Sting. Has to be.

Throwback Thursday: Remember Paper Bags and Ted DiBiase, Jr.?

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Three years in wrestling can be a long time. Right now, Stardust is on a fantastic voyage to God knows where with his brother Goldust, but back in the day, he was a vainglorious Cody Rhodes, wearing a protective mask to guard against injuries to his moneymaker and giving out paper bags to put over the heads of people who offended his aesthetics. Of course, obscuring the faces of others can come back to bite one in the ass, especially when former tag partner Ted DiBiase, Jr. was hanging out in the crowd looking for some retribution. God, remember when everyone, myself included, thought that DiBiase was the breakout star of Legacy? Those times were weird, man.

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