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Reference Points: John Cena and Mitsuharu Misawa

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What could Cena have in common with Emerald Destiny?
Photo Credit: WWE.com
I know what you're thinking right now. Really, I do. What in the world could John Cena have in common with the guy who was unquestionably the ace of maybe the finest era of heavyweight wrestling ever? (If you don't know who the 4 Corners of Heaven are, and why they're so important to how pro wrestling is percieved, get thee to anyoneof thesewebsites.) The answer is as simple as it is esoteric; Cena has always been made to seem, both by booking and by the way the wrestler carries himself, as the franchise. This isn't a bad thing really.

The reason why I'm recommending you watch Mitsuharu Misawa isn't because I want you to see another wrestler be portrayed as superlatively dominant. It's because Misawa, better than any wrestler I can remember, was brilliant at giving the crowd the belief that his opponents would win. And later, when he was older, he was equally brilliant at portraying himself as the man who wanted to stop being the ace, but could not find a worthy successor for the life of him.

This is the part Cena struggles with. He has been the man in WWE for as long as Misawa played both of those roles I mentioned above. And yet, do you think of him as anything other than invulnerable? Name me, if you can, the last time Cena felt well and truly vulnerable to you, as though he was really and legitimately being threatened with a loss. I'll wait. No, really. Take your time.

I'm not saying this just because of the way Cena and Brock Lesnar are being booked, but some of the best fun that existed for me as a wrestling fan was watching Misawa against the monsters. You could see him almost thinking through the problem in front of him, trying to figure out how much it would take to knock the giant down. Do I think Cena will knock the monster down at SummerSlam? Probably. Will I enjoy seeing him try in the same way I enjoyed seeing Misawa try? That, to be perfectly honest, I'm not so sure about.




Breaking News: Chris Hero's Weight Still None of Your Damn Business

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Photo via @seancsloan

So Chris Hero gained some weight between the time he was released from WWE and Friday night's appearance for EVOLVE. What does the weight gain mean to you, the fan? Absolutely nothing. Hero's weight is between him and his doctor, and surprise surprise, despite looking more like Bray Wyatt and less like the Kassius Ohno who rocked the house with William Regal early last year, his match against Drew Galloway (McIntyre) was reputed to have been really good. At best, openly worrying about Hero's weight is concern-trolling, and at worst, it's fat-shaming. Neither are good looks for anyone.

Your value as a human being is not tied to your body mass. If Chris Hero wants to carry the extra pounds, he's within his right. Even worse, if Hero is gaining weight because of a physical or psychological condition, then anyone making backhanded claims about his mass are talking shit about someone whose condition is beyond his control. Basically, leave Hero's weight to himself. He'll deal with it. Leave your criticisms of him to his performance in the ring.

Alberto del Rio, Harboring Racism, and WWE's Culpability

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del Rio's actions may have been legally fireable, but I have a hard time not empathizing with him if rumors are true
Photo Credit: WWE.com
News broke Friday that Alberto del Rio's firing may have had to do with him slapping the shit out of a social media manager for unapologetically making a racist joke at his expense. Now, that story may only represent one side of what happened, since each story has far more than the two sides that the cliche says. The scenario could have been far worse on WWE's part or completely different and causing del Rio to be culpable completely. This story is a case of another carny incident that no one will ever know completely what happened unless they're employees of the company.

Still, the incident seems cut and dried. del Rio hit an employee of the company, furthermore one who wasn't a wrestler and who could sue, so he should be reprimanded seriously, right? Well, I'm not debating that WWE has the right to fire an employee for perpetrating assault, and in all honesty, this right ought to be assumed by now. But at the same time, two things don't set well with me. The first is that WWE officials, including Paul "Triple H" Levesque, stress that del Rio was fired for being unprofessional, and yet this series of tweets came from the official WWE account:


I give whoever sent that series of missives out credit for not going the subtweet route, but I don't get how treating a human relations issue gone awry like a junior high breakup is meeting unprofessionalism professionally. With certain rights come responsibilities, and a corporation with unprecedented resources should be expected to take a certain high road.

But the second thing that grosses me out is far more disconcerting, and it's the commentators coming forward emphatically to assert that WWE was completely in the right for firing del Rio. Firstly, standing up for a corporation to do what it wants with its workforce takes absolutely no bravery whatsoever. Corporations may be the only class of "people" more protected than the rich, white, cis, Christian, straight male in this country. They don't need to be stood up for, but then again, pointing out what's right should be blind of any demographic context.

However, the cacophony of support for WWE's decision comes in the face of these accusations of racial tension bubbling over into physical action. Again, the letter of the law should probably dictate that del Rio gets fired, but the scorn being heaped his way ignores that he is part of an oppressed class in America in a company that is notorious for harboring racism within its metaphorical boundaries.

In a utopian society, racism doesn't exist because everyone is truly equal, but in America, that ideal is far from being attained. WWE is reputed to be even worse than the average, which is what makes these stories so believable. Even without a knowledge of the backstage climate (one where Michael Hayes still roams free), the onscreen product oftentimes is booked without any sensitivity towards minorities or women. Sometimes, talking about racism and non-physical sanctions are not enough, and no matter how professional the actions are or not, one cannot be blamed for lashing out against verbal slurs with a slap in the face.

This social media manager, if he did make a racial slur at del Rio, was emboldened to do so because WWE's atmosphere made him comfortable enough to do so. To pin all the blame on del Rio would be to ignore that one, racism is still a problem, and that two, WWE has a moral responsibility in eradicating it. Furthermore, the tweets above would be even further proof that WWE itself is more to blame than some let on, because they indicate that either the social media manager was not fired, or that the person who replaced him/her was allowed to vent in a way that was sponsored by Levesque himself (since the Triple H account retweeted them). What kind of message does this all send? Not a good one.

Basically, the entire situation stinks. del Rio's foot may have been out the door regardless, given that his contract was expiring this year and that he'd been expressing desires to leave. And in normal circumstances, violence shouldn't be the answer to a verbal barb. But in a climate where white Americans' distrust of Mexicans is at an all-time high, and ultra-conservative wonks' plans of deporting Central American child refugees back to the war-torn countries from whence they came have gained way more steam than I'm comfortable with, it's hard for me to feel totally angry at del Rio for lashing out or that WWE's actions are completely justified from a moral standpoint, whether or not it was legally in the right.

Smackdown: Friendship is Magic

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This is how Ambrose returns friendship requests
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Weird note about this show:

There was a Paige vs. Natalya match, but I did not see it. It just didn't show up on my broadcast. I thought I might have literally blinked and missed it, since I've read that the match was less than two minutes long, but I checked with my brother and he also did not see it. Was this a Canada-wide thing? Does SportsNet 360 have a weird vendetta against either Paige or Natalya? Did they, perhaps, decide to shoehorn in yet another airing of the Cena/Lesnar package in its place? Inquiring minds want to know!

Desperately Wants To Be Friends — Seth Rollins and Randy Orton... with Dean Ambrose 
Dean Ambrose is the coolest kid in school right now, and while I've previously stated that he doesn't need any friends, that certainly doesn't prevent others from wanting to be his friend. Seth Rollins and Randy Orton were clearly competing for his attention this week. I honestly think Rollins misses Ambrose. No matter how many sputtering rants he delivers, I think there's still a lingering affection there and he secretly wants this feud to go on forever so they can stay close. In fact, the way that Rollins practically vibrates with rage—such overblown theatricality—makes me think that he's protesting too much. His inability to resist interfering in Ambrose's match with Orton also made me think that he felt threatened by the latter's attempted in-roads.

Because while Orton was once again relegated to being a prop in the Ambrose/Rollins friendship fall-out, he was also clearly trying SO HARD to impress Ambrose so they could be psycho-buddies together. That video package of Orton beating up Roman Reigns? “Hey, Ambrose, look how TOTALLY UNHINGED I am, just like you! Look at me beating up your friend (possibly former friend? Do Ambrose and Reigns even know each other anymore? Whatever), thereby proving that I am more deserving of your friendship. LOOK AT ME LOOK AT ME.”

That desperate promo wherein he went on and on about how he's the baddest bad person who ever was bad? “Look at me, Ambrose! LOOK AT ME!” After Rollins' interference in the match, Orton joined him in beating up Ambrose for a while, but he ultimately left the field, clearly in deference to the former Shield members' history together and with the knowledge that he could never really come between them.

Best Friends -- Big Show and Mark Henry
Any time Big Show and Mark Henry want to team up to crush a couple of dudes is fine by me. Their match against Rybaxel was quick, but fun. It looked like both Show and Henry enjoyed working together and being in front of a crowd again. I can't think of a more inspiring vision of friendship than two giant men with equally giant smiles on their faces. Adorable.

Does Not Deserve a Friend — Dolph Ziggler
Once again, Dolph Ziggler was the opposite of a person who deserves friends. When confronted by Seth Rollins, Ziggler commented that Rollins is what Catwoman would look like if she did a lot of CrossFit. ZING! Wait, no, that's not actually funny. Let's break this down:

  1. Catwoman probably DOES do a lot of CrossFit. Have you seen her? Accusing someone of having a physique like Catwoman is not an insult.
  2. Catwoman is hardly the only comic book character who wears tight, black clothes. Also, Catwoman is cool. In fact, pretty much any character who wears tight, black clothes could be considered cool. Accusing someone of wearing tight, black clothes is not insult. So what IS the insult here? Well...
  3. There are still pricks out there who think that referring to a man as a woman is the most devastating insult ever because they think women are weak and inferior. That's it; that's the joke. Lol ur a girl. Hilarious, bro.
Ziggler did have a fairly entertaining match against Rollins, but that doesn’t change the fact that he deserves no friends until he can leave the sexist bullshit behind.

Deserves a Friend -- Damien Sandow
It's always Damien Sandow. Not only did his match against Sin Cara continue the trend of having Sandow dress up in a ridiculous costume, but his schtick for the evening was just borrowed from the Real Americans. They couldn't even give him something of his own! Also, the fucktrucks on commentary spent the entire match cracking terrible jokes and shilling the Network. The match already clearly didn't matter, but they made doubly sure that everyone knew we were simply having our time wasted, for no other reason than so that the WWE could get cheap, racist heat.

Seriously, “Mr. Border Patrol” was REALLY the only thing with which they could come up? I know a lot of us are hoping that the new "Sandow's 60" feature might give some sort of direction to Sandow, or at least provide an explanation for the weird path he's been sent down, but mostly I just want someone to give him a hug and tell him everything will be okay.

Dude, Where Are Your Friends? -- Big E
Big E had a match against Rusev, but Kofi Kingston and Xavier Woods were nowhere in sight. Is their burgeoning stable not a thing anymore? But I liked the thing! Bring back the thing! JBL and Cole didn't even mention it (though I admit asking those two to pay any attention to continuity is asking a lot).

Hey, remember when we were supposed to cheer for Big E against Rusev and it was kind of great? And now we're supposed to cheer for the ignorant racists against Rusev and Big E is losing three minute matches? Such progress.

From the Archives: William Regal vs. Antonio Cesaro

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Hey, are you bummed that Cesaro pretty much has been deemphasized to the point of jobbing like wild on main WWE TV? Let's go back to the halcyon days of eight months ago, when he was the focal point of NXT and wrestling hot matches against great opponents, like this one below with William Regal. Basically, it was one of my 100 best matches of last year. Relive it!

Best Coast Bias: Paint It Red And Black

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Sami helped kick off the first round of the tag title contender tournament
Photo Credit: WWE.com
One of the most rewarding things a long-time older fan can get out of professional wrestling is continuity.  Another thing to put on the old Rob Gordon/Fleming list is seemingly small things paying off down the line into something bigger.

Nobody took much notice of Adam Rose cheering up Sami Zayn in the NXT Takeover postgame show after he failed to get the number one contendership from the man threatening on this very show to usher in an Era of Gorgeousness with him as Champion; to be honest, it seemed a fun little throwaway feel-good moment.  But that moment spawned a team that's now two matches away from possibly becoming the freshest round of meat for the Ascension to possibly put a button on a year-long Championship reign.

The evening's main event saw, well, they don't really have a name yet.  The Red and Black Attack, RoseZayn, Best Rosebuds, call it what you want, but they overcame the suxeN of Tyson Kidd and Justin Gabriel as one of the two quarterfinal matches in the #1 tag team contendership tournament.  Rose started them off and seemed to have a grand time having fun at both Gabriel's and Kidd's expenses before they got serious about the task at hand and decided they should welcome him to the ring by kicking, cheapshotting, and stomping the crap out of the party animal well into and out of the final commercial break.  Gabriel seemed to be the best he's been in a long time as a smirking pretty boy more than willing to bend the rules and in Full Sail Kidd's drawing more heat than a Vegas August.

Even Rich Brennan on commentary was noting the length of the beatdown and correctly naming off the moves as the suxeN kept the train rolling and tried to run Rose over on the tracks.  Unfortunately for them, the moment Adam got daylight to bring in Sami they were on the road to derailment; sequential tope con hilos from both men and a Helluva Kick later they'd punched their ticket to the semifinals by kicking it it in.  Skanking time!  All the time?  We'll have to see if they can beat the winners of Kalisto and Sin Cara vs. whatever Wesley Blake and Buddy Murphy is.  As for the main roster exiles' chances of getting the belts, it appears they are never ever ever getting back together.

In the other evening's quarterfinal the Jersey Boys (sp) outpaced the recovered Tye Dillinger and Jason Jordan with one of the most innovative finishes in some time with regards to the Stamford umbrella.  Still Working On Becoming The World's Greatest Tag Team weren't exactly the heels here, but they sure weren't exactly going to win a popularity against Big Cass and Little E.  Most incongruously it was the 7 footer who was taking the brunt of the blows at the hands of JJTD, but his brawns and not his brawn would win the day for his squad.  With Jordan set to polish off Enzo in the corner, Cass dove in front of his charging spear to block Enzo from taking the shot, then for good measure booted Jordan down with him holding Amore up and Dillinger drawing the referee by complaining about the Cassady save.  It took Enzo a bit to come around and realize he was a "winner", but semifinalists he and Cass are, and they'll await the winner of presumably next week's matchup between the Vaudevillains and MojoBull.

Outside of the tournament, this show may also end up becoming notable for a pair of reasons: the final appearance of a white-hatted Xavier Woods (if that storyline is going where one thinks/fears it's going expect the Wrestling Blog's equivalent of No Vaseline aimed at Stamford as a result) and hopefully the final appearance of Eva Marie wrestling until she learns how to do it.

The latter's pretty quickly explicable: when you're having the reaction HOLY [CONSECUTIVE EXPLETIVES DELETED] YOU SUCK to a wrestler on a developmental wrestling show, you are bad and should feel bad and the people who put you in a position where you could be globally seen being bad should feel even worse.  Sometimes on rare occasions when a match bores them the NXT Constellation will start The Wave, but their enmity towards Eva was full throated and wholly deserved.  It started with a couple of You Can't Wrestle chants (then she proved it), followed by a Worse Than Batista chant (which she'd proved) and when she finally went under not a moment too soon to a belly-to-Bayley it generated a Thank You, Bayley chant.

 Secondly, that chant needs to join Bayley's Going To Hug You into the crowd's regular chant rotation because it firstly allowed Bayley to aw shucks and wave off the adoration she received for her borderline mercy killing.  It yes anded the crowd's usurping the narrative by fitting it into the easily-understood and universally beloved "Bayley loves everything and especially YOU the fellow fan" that she's been telling.  But yes: have Bay Bay beat who she needs to beat on her way to proving herself worthy of getting a shot at Charlotte, and make sure Eva Marie knows how to wrestle before you have her do it on her own.  That on its own would be worth six months of giving you guys tenners.

Whatever it is CJ Parker and Xavier Woods had between them is over.  It can't be a feud when one guy doesn't win at anything ever in it, as this space has previously noted elsewhere about other one-sided forth-and-forths.  Hilariously enough now that he's turned into the Don Cheadle iteration of Cpt. Planet, Parker's earned himself some fans stating that he's the truth.  Even coming out as an Angry Babyface sans the dancing and starting off with a bunch of rights and nice chops wasn't enough to save Woods in the long run, nor was his flashy sliding Flatliner, connecting with the Honor Roll, or pulling off the most physically impressive top rope move this side of Adrian Neville with something that can only be called a Coast To Coast with a Superfly splash in lieu of the sitout dropkick to a foreign object to an opponent's head.  His frustration was wholly justified; if you can't beat a guy with those sort of moves you ain't winning, period, and shortly after Parker blinded him by pulling him into the middle rope he got laid out with a sort of sidewinder slam/Death Valley Slam hybrid.  (Sorry, couldn't resist.)   Unlike what would happen shortly thereafter, when confronted with The Wave during a resthold, they turned up the intensity and delivered a backend of the match that more that surpassed expectations; if they'd had a wave going during Bayley/Eva they would've been trying to enhanced interrogate the faux redhead in it.

So let's take note of this all, and continue moving forward with the best North American pro graps show on the tube.  You never know from where the little seeds of continuity will grow into something bigger, and it always feels good when it pays off and does.

Let Us Listen to Metal: An Open Letter to Jim Johnston

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A wrestler as cool as Ambrose deserves a theme by a band as cool as Judas Priest
Photo Credit: WWE.com
One of the biggest reasons I got into wrestling was Motorhead's "The Game." When I saw Triple H entering to that piece of ass-kickery, I knew the guy was a big star. The green lights, water spitting and posing were just the icing on the cake. I am sure if Trips had only chosen to just walk into the arena to that entrance theme it would have been pretty much alright. This example also shows the importance of the first note, of the first riff that blasts through those big arena speakers. The rest of the song might be ok-ish, but if the first ten seconds feature that one giant kick ass cock rock piece of wankery then the audience will firstly and most importantly, pop. Secondly it sends a signal to casual viewers that they are going to see a force to be reckoned with. Those are just some of the advantages of having a great entrance theme. 

And what do I see today? I see the young guns being saddled with nondescript pieces of mediocre hard rock from bands who hit their sell by date in '95. Jim Johnston, what the heck man? This will not do. Lets consider the shining stars of the future - The Shield and Bray Wyatt. All three members of the Shield have godawful mediocre music in which - and now note this - the first riff is indistinguishable from the morass it is drowning in. The music does not hit me at that visceral level that it needs to hit me at. It fails miserably. It makes Seth Rollins look and sound like a lower mid card jobber. Wyatt is being reduced to a joke so his "whole world" shtick doesn't pass muster. Roman Reigns has been reduced to Randy Orton levels of "there is nothing you can say" levels of mediocrity because they took away "Sierra Hotel..." and we are stuck with the old Shield theme which, bluntly put, sucks. You know what you could to do to recover from bad booking and even worse music? You could, um, "take inspiration" from the riff masters of the metal world. Not copy the whole song mind you, but look at some of the opening riffs that could suitably be the indicator that "we are here". Let's take a look and make some suggestions, shall we, because what kind of a wrestling blog would NOT tell the WWE how to get the job done!! Plus, we all know that Trips reads this shit so he can keep a finger on the smark pulse.  

First up, poor Bray Wyatt. This man was rumored to have a shot at the streak, today I wouldn't bet on him winning a major Summerslam showdown against Cool Dad Guy Who Lost to That Dancing Guy Who Loses to Everybody. Incidentally, the only thing going for Jericho is, yes, his entrance. It lends him the gravitas that he lacks as a character, and also, nostalgia because wrestling. So how to resurrect Wyatt? Just take a leaf out of the book of these guys.     



Mayhem's "Freezing Moon" is one of the best black metal songs that I have heard till date, and has a killer intro to boot that never fails to send chills up my spine. If Ole Jim could snap out of his Green Day-infused coma and try to come within 10% of this, we might have a Wyatt who is scary and over. Imagine that. Just "borrow" the intro Jim, and make up the rest of the shit, because once you got them on the hook they ain't letting go. Hey, in the live performance above Mayhem's vocalist is a skinny old idiot with white paint on his white face, pretending to slaughter fake animals with his pretend knife and he got over. Surely, Wyatt can get over at the level of a pre 1994- Undertaker, right? 

Next up, my main man, Dean Ambrose. Dean, Dean, Dean, Dean. This is a great character and my favorite guy from the Shield. And goddamit if he didn't get the same "Random Entrance Theme Generator" treatment as the rest of the roster. Heck, Heath Slater has got a better entrance theme hook than poor newly babyface Ambrose. The tricky thing while deciding on a theme for Ambrose is that you want this guy to be working on both sides of the fence, and we all know that someday in the future he will be a fantastic heel again, so he needs music that is badass and works to up that babyface fire and is also capable of sending those heelish chills through the crowd that intimates them that something bad is about to happen. You know what? The above goes for all the three members of the Shield. Just can't help it. These are your main eventers of the future and they need the royal "Distinguishable from Radio Rock Entrance Theme" treatment. No which way I look at it, Rollins, Reigns and Deanie Dean are your future. 



I realize that Judas Priest is heavy metal, heck, music at the top of its game and we are dealing with a company which believes that Limp Bizkit is high art who deserve to play songs in public, but it is fun to fantasize, sometimes. Now look at that first riff that kicks this song off. It is the most PERFECT heavy metal riff in history. Yes, I exaggerate when talking about Judas Priest, but untrained writers do not know sometimes how to share their enthusiasm without using broad generalizations and capitalized letters. It has BADASS written all over it in capital letters. Like the guy who comes out to this has to be someone for a reputation for organized madness. Like he will kick your friggin' head in. Oh, Judas Priest, you. This song is ironic and it, as the kids say, rips, both at the same time, because after all, Judas Priest. Perfect for a character who is brainy, ironic, wordy and insane, all at the same time. Dean Ambrose is your man and Priest is your band. 

Now, I know that Vince McMahon must be itching to saddle his latest muscular hot babyface with some AC/DC rip off band's banal hard rock music. But wait, you don't want to turn Roman Reigns into Batista circa 2005 do you now? Not that I have anything against Batista as a hot babyface turning against Evolution, but still, Roman Reigns has a lot of potential to be different from the regular muscle. You see, he is strong and smart at the same time. Well, that's the gimmick. You can send that message of his brainy menace by giving him a riff that whips ass and is a little atmospheric at the same time. For example, check out obscure and underrated band, Cirith Ungol's "Master of the Pit" from their amazing album "King of the Dead". Skip to the 1:50 mark to get a hang of what I am talking about, though any music fan worth his salt would do well to listen to the whole thing. That bass is amazing, innit?!! 


Or, even if you want to go the traditional "this guy is all muscle no brains and he will bust your ass in half" route you could take notes from this monstrous piece of riffing by Bolt Thrower. Skip to the 0:25 mark. 


Either ways, what I want to say is, they better change the themes for their future superstars, because the ones they have right now suck. There. No, TH, I swear this was not an excuse to put up heavy metal songs on yer ole blog because I couldn't think of one decent thing to say after that godawful RAW. Blood, sweat, and vomit, hell yeah!!

The Wrestling Blog's OFFICIAL Best in the World Rankings, August 11

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Newark, DE's team won't insult girl baseball players anymore
Photo Credit: Michael Bryant/Philly.com
Welcome to a feature I like to call "Best in the World" rankings. They're not traditional power rankings per se, but they're rankings to see who is really the best in the world, a term bandied about like it's bottled water or something else really common. They're rankings decided by me, and don't you dare call them arbitrary lest I smack the taste out of your mouth. Without further ado, here's this week's list:

1. Mo'Ne Davis (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Not only are the Taney Dragons going to represent Philadelphia in the Little League World Series, but they're going to do it with this spitfire, dirty cheese-hurling 13-year old as their ace. Oh did I mention she's a girl? Maybe y'all will think twice by saying someone "throws like a girl" as an insult.

2. Daniel Bryan (Last Week: 1) - Doctors told him he couldn't continue to fight crime while his neck was recuperating, so he took a page out of Bruce Wayne's playbook from Kingdom Come and now has his Beard Bots patrolling the Phoenix area, looking for any wrongdoers in action.

3. Philadelphia Soft Pretzel Factory (Last Week: Not Ranked)OFFICIAL HOLZERMAN HUNGERS SPONSORED ENTRY - I'm sure something out there is better than getting a hot, soft pretzel fresh out of the oven. I'm not sure I care to find out, however.

4. Paige (Last Week: 2) - According to the Friendship Is Magic report, the Paige/Nattie Neidhart match was not seen in Canada, mainly because it was a stark reminder of the brutal grip The Crown used to exert on the fair land to the north.

5. Mark Henry (Last Week: 6) - Guys, @HorbFlerbminber was able to get the EXCLUSIVE SCOOP on what the script said for the Henry/Damien Sandow match:
Holy shit, that scoop is HOT HOT HOT.

6. AJ Lee (Last Week: 4) - In response to being shoved off a high escarpment-type deal, Lee will get back at Paige by dropping a 50-ton ACME anvil on her while she's walking to the ring for her next match. If you're wondering why she'd take hints from old school Looney Tunes animated shorts, at least know that she's studying Wile E. Coyote's mistakes and learning from them.

7. Dean Ambrose (Last Week: 8) - Everyone wants to be his friend, so who am I to deny him his rightful propers?

8. Christina Hendricks (Last Week: Not Ranked) - I didn't know where her latest Funny or Die skit as Joan Holloway from Mad Men was going, but at the end, it socked me in the gut with some TRUTH. This skit was The Sixth Sense of Funny or Die clips, only no one ended up being dead the whole time.

9. [REDACTED] (Last Week: [REDACTED]) - This spot was supposed to go to the G1 Climax winner, but since Jeff Jarrett not only appeared at the finale, but played an actual in-character role in said show, the whole tournament has been tainted. TAINTED I SAY. I just have to leave this spot blank out of utter shame.

10. Sara del Rey (Last Week: 10) - SARA DEL REY FACT: Sara del Rey celebrates Shark Week by having a fond phone conversation with Shark Girl about their time together on the indies.

Instant Feedback: Anti-Catharsis

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The love/hate shtick was not what this audience needed tonight, John
Photo Credit: WWE.com
WWE picked the worst night to roll out hotter, smellier garbage than the average trash pile during the middle of a New York sanitation worker's strike in the dead heat of summer. Even though the art is couched in violence, and WWE is the kind of company that revels in its lowbrow mantel despite the fact that wrestling can be so much more, a good, fun slate of wrestling can be comforting when things get a little too bleak, and when the real news appears to display a society that has gone full tilt into decay and sadness. With the news swirling with anger-inducing stories like Ferguson, MO or Christy Mack, as well as sad ones like the passing of Robin Williams, I know I needed a pick-me-up.

Granted, if RAW were entertaining, emotionally fulfilling, or even just fun tonight, it wouldn't have taken away the evils of the world. Racism would still exist (and paradoxically, it exists quite healthily within WWE), monstrous ogres under the self-diagnosed monikers of alpha males would still beat the holy hell out of women they tower over just because, and depression would still be here claiming lives. But for a few hours, it could have provided a bit of escape, catharsis even.

What WWE trotted out for the most part tonight was reductive, recursive, recycled material for a show that theoretically was supposed to sell SummerSlam. Yet, what was selling me on the show that hadn't been deployed before? Paul Heyman cut the same promo he's been cutting for a month. Bray Wyatt went on the same diatribe he's been going on for a year. I enjoyed the latter, admittedly, and was annoyed at the former, but neither tread new ground. John Cena basically remixed his standard "some of y'all like me, some of y'all hate me" promo, and I'm supposed to be amazed at him? The Stephanie McMahon/Brie Bella angle devolved into some kind of cheap TNA-knockoff infidelity angle with the least likely guy to cheat on his wife ever as the main actor here, and it just ended with the symmetry of Bella getting hauled off to jail. Two matches ended on distraction finishes. Good guys assaulted bad guys out of spite.

Sure, I was filled with a nostalgic glow when Mean Gene Okerlund, Paul Orndorff and his moustache, and the reunited nWo among others joined together to celebrate Hulk Hogan's birthday, and the Cena/Brock Lesnar showdown to end the show hit home their animosity in ways that pretaped promos could not (no matter how GOOD those vignettes were), but do 15 minutes to end a show redeem the rest of the nearly three hours I had to slog through? I don't feel like I escaped anything. My inner hater came raging out.

This show was probably not the worst RAW WWE has produced this year, but the compound interest of shit that had been heaped upon many of its viewers - not just me - required for this particular episode to bang home something worth savoring. If you're out there and you enjoyed the show tonight, God bless you. I, and judging from Twitter, a lot of the intended audience for this post, probably still need some kind of catharsis, some kind of escape.

SURPRISE AMBROSE

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Photo Credit: WWE.com

Dean Ambrose has perfected the art of the absurd surprise attack. He's jumped out of cars, crowds, and now, Hulk Hogan's birthday presents. I bet the Hulkster was a bit disappointed that the big present was just camouflage for Ambrose to attack Seth Rollins and not something else for his own enjoyment. I did like the touch that Rollins knew something was afoot before he was blindsided. Too often WWE portrays its heels and faces as complete slobbering morons. Just look at AJ Lee and Dolph Ziggler in their matches later on. Shouldn't someone at least show some kind of intelligence more than once in a blue moon? I mean, not everyone has to be as smart as Damien Sandow used to claim he was, but how about not having multiple people fall for distraction every fucking week.

The Evolution of Women's Professional Wrestling

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WWE's women can do just as well as the men if given the chance
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Women’s professional wrestling got its start in the carnival circuit. As time went on, women found their niche in pro wrestling in the 1940s with the likes of the Fabulous Moolah, Mae Young, and Gladys Gillem. These women were tough as nails, ladies outside of the ring, but tough and brutal inside of it. Gillem, being one of the toughest among the lot, even wrestled alligators and bears. She was even a lion tamer at one time. Somehow, I cannot fathom any wrestler of today, those the WWE deems “Divas” or even the men, would even consider wrestling a bear or an alligator.

As is the case with so many things in the biz, there are high points and low points throughout history regarding women's wrestling.  The '40s and '50s were very good for women in the ring. When World War II broke out, men went to war, and wrestling was one of the jobs that women took up. With the decline in popularity after the war was over, women's wrestling became an afterthought. However, the '80s saw resurgence for women in the wrestling industry.

Enter the valets. Sunshine, Precious, Missy Hyatt, Baby Doll, and Miss Elizabeth, all come to mind. There were also wrestlers such as Leilani Kai and Wendi Richter along with the Fabulous Moolah.

Right around this time a movie called All the Marbles, starring Peter Falk as Harry Sears and Laurene Landon and Vicki Frederick as the California Dolls, came out. This movie was about two women wrestlers trying to make their way to the top. I loved this movie. Receiving it as a gift recently, I had to watch it again, so I made sure all things were done to give the movie my undivided attention. It literally gave me goosebumps. It took me back to to a time I wanted to be in wrestling. I did not at 13 want to be a wrestler like Kai or Richter, but a valet, a woman who takes care of the male wrestler, like how Sunshine and Precious were there for Jimmy Garvin, and like Cyndi Lauper was for Richter. To all of those that read this and think Hulk Hogan was the only reason for the upick in wrestling, I would definitely argue that Lauper and Richter had a lot to do with its rise popularity as well. I am not saying Hogan didn’t have his followers, but I, like many in the MTV generation, was all aboard the Lauper and Richter's Rock 'n Wrestling.

Women were wanted in the industry again. In 1986, a show dedicated only to women wrestlers made its debut. GLOW, Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling, was the creation of Matt Cimbor and David McLane. Sadly, it only ran until 1990. The promotion had its hokey gimmicks, but overall it worked. How I wish there was a show like that now. Later in the '90s, WCW introduced the Nitro Girls who danced around each week. The troupe reminded me of GLOW, where they danced and sang as well as wrestled. I was a very big fan of WCW, but I hated when the dancing was the only thing they borrowed. The WWE has had their talented women as well. Lita, Trish Stratus, Sunny, Sable, even Fabulous Moolah, and Mae Young did their thing in WWE.

The Divas of the WWE has me conflicted. I am a women's wrestling advocate and want it to be around until the end of time. However, Court Bauer recently talked about doing away with the women's division in the WWE on his August 1 podcast on MLW.com. He suggested doing away with women and bringing in even more men in the form of a lightweight division. WHAT? Are you kidding me? I would love to sit down with him and go over the women's division exclusively at some point in time. I have my issues with how WWE treats women, but I do not want to see it disappear. I would love to see it revamped with vigor and vitality. 

I do not like the word “Diva” pertaining to wrestling. When hearing the word DIVA, I think of the woman lead in an opera. I think soft and fluffy, not strong and, for lack of a better term, kick-ass. I have issues with the pink butterfly belt as well. However, I do have suggestions. Firstly, rename the division. Secondly, create a new belt reflecting a new image. Thirdly, and most importantly, WWE Creative needs to be just what its name says it is and get flipping CREATIVE! The women have talent. I have read people's opinions on whether or not these women can wrestle, but those that think they cannot, can you? I am sure if given the chance to shine, the women on the roster can and will. Better storylines equals better content equals better ratings. This goes for the men as well as the women. It’s a no-brainer. Give these women a chance to shine.

Maybe I am coming off too harsh on the butterfly belt. I love butterflies, but when I think of wrestling, I think of those pioneers mentioned above. It was a tough mountain to climb, and women are still climbing it today. I would love to see more women's matches. I am sure I am not the only one. I would also love to see tag team champion belts come back. I mean the women in the WWE are getting paired up in tag teams so why not bring this back?  As far as the butterfly belt, it fits the name Diva, which I have already voiced my opinion on but what would I do differently, what image would I use instead of a pink butterfly? I would use a lioness or tigress because both are strong, dominant, and also beautiful and nurturing animals. Women are so many things, we can be ladies when need be but we can also be very strong and independent. There are so many ideas floating around in my head that I would love to share with anyone in WWE Creative if given the chance. I really want to see the women's division continue to grow and be stronger and better than ever.

This post was written resourcing the Lipstick and Dynamite movie and website.

Kevin Steen Signs with WWE

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It's happening, it's really happening
Photo via Preston City Wrestling's Twitter
Via WWE's Twitter

In a rare case of good things happening to good people, indie wrestling standout, Quebec native, and zoo enthusiast Kevin Steen has finally signed his WWE developmental contract and has reported to the Performance Center in Orlando, FL. The above picture leaked earlier this morning, but it was confirmed by WWE later on in the day. Steen is the third of the big rumored names to have confirmed signing with the company. He joins KENTA and Prince Devitt in Orlando as part of the next wave of potential future WWE superstars.

Steen's resume on the indies is impeccable. He is arguably Pro Wrestling Guerrilla's signature wrestler, and he's certainly the most interesting guy to have held the Ring of Honor World Championship in the last five years excepting MAYBE Jay Briscoe. He defines the term "all-rounder" in the ring; I would term him as the most versatile wrestler I've ever seen wrestle in any ring. His charisma is innate and off the charts, and if any wrestler toiling on the indie circuit would have fit in WWE's pantheon, it would have been Steen. Now, he will get his chance to prove he belongs. Hopefully, he won't have to wait until he hits the main roster to rekindle his lifelong love/hate relationship with one Sami Zayn, either.

I hope Steen is able to conquer NXT and then the WWE like he has every other place he's wrestled. He's got the talent to do it, and he seems like a good dude to boot. Here's to good luck and a good future for one of my favorite wrestlers ever to lace up the boots.

Inspire Pro Parts Ways With Sammy Guevara

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Guevara talked his way out of the J-Crown and possibly out of the wrestling business
Photo Credit: Kelly Kyle/Texas Anarchy
As reported on its website, Austin-based, National Wrestling Alliance-affiliated Inspire Pro Wrestling has cut ties with the über-talented but immature and hot-headed Sammy Guevara. When I first saw the news on my Twitter feed, I wasn't too terribly surprised, but at the same time, from a storyline perspective, it made complete sense but brought to mind a whole slew of questions regarding the actions of several other members of the roster (within storyline terms). But once I found out more information, I wasn't sure if there was much to say beyond "Sammy, you're an idiot."

Now, the reasons that Sammy was "fired" (he isn't under contract with Inspire Pro, so it's more of a "not going to book him anymore" situation) are unknown, but from my limited research I found that it could have been comments he made following the death of River City Wrestling's announcer:


"See Aquaman much rather die then stay at RCW"

For those uninitiated, at the CLASH AT THE BASH event, he burned some bridges on that night, notably with River City Wrestling, another Central Texas independent promotion. I don't know the history there, but no matter what happened, some decorum is required in these type of matters.

If that is the reason, kudos to Inspire Pro for showing more integrity than most wrestling promotions would. Sammy Guevara is a GREAT wrestler. He has the kind of talent that could get him a look from WWE and there was at least a chance he could make a tour with New Japan Pro Wrestling given their working relationship with the NWA. He, sadly, is a piss poor professional. He has all the tools, just no head on his shoulders.

It just goes to show you that talent doesn't always trump all. Inspire Pro could have made some good money with Guevara down the road, but they upheld the statement that ring announcer Brandon Stroud always gives at the top of shows, that boils down to: be a decent human being.

Stardust for President?

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Graphics via @StardustWWE

In the most shocking candidacy for public office since Mary Carey attempted to win the California governor's office in a recall election, Stardust has announced that he will be running for the Presidency of the United States of America. He is not the first WWE wrestler to attempt a bid for office; Bob Backlund would have had my vote in 1996 had I been old enough to cast one. However, he is perhaps the weirdest guy to run for the highest office in the land, which may make him a better candidate than most of the offerings that the Democrats could throw out in 2016 and probably ALL of the possible runners from the GOP.

Anyway, after several long hours of searching Dust Bros. panic room, trying to get information from Dusty Rhodes, and several gallons of Bankers Club gin later, the esteemed Horb Flerbminber found for me an itinerary of campaign promises he pledges to unleash on the country when he starts hitting the stumping spots. Please make sure you credit Horb, and ONLY Horb, because if you credit anyone else, he's likely to cut you AND me. He's an extremely unstable man.
  • As a tribute to his father, all the working men experiencing hard times will get a complimentary visit to "The Pay Window," the secret stash of money hoarded by Presidents past. The stash is rumored to be the inspiration for Scrooge McDuck's money vault in Ducktales.
  • Secretary of the Interior Tyler Breeze will distribute paper bags to all the "uggos" across the land in an unprecedented plan to beautify the infrastructure.
  • Stardust believes finding the Cosmic Key will unlock the secrets of clean, renewable energy for the United States, nay, THE WORLD.
  • Ric Flair will be put into jail for crimes against the Rhodes family.
  • The phrase "Dusty Finish" will be taught in schools from a young age so that everyone will stop misusing the damn term already.
  • All schoolyard beefs will be decided via Backlot Brawls. Reenactments of the OJ Simpsons car chase will only be required for high school students of driving age.
  • Federal health programs will mandate that everyone learn how to ride a BICYCLE.
  • Everyone who can grow a sweet 'stache will get federal tax credits.
  • The JBL and Cole Show will become the national television program.
  • Anyone who doesn't follow the Dashing Cody Rhodes Grooming Tips Plan for Personal Hygiene will be forced to sit in a room and watch all the tips for proper grooming until they learn or they die trying.
  • Dusty Rhodes will be named to a new cabinet position, the Minister of Twitter.
Of course, this list is only partially complete, as the bottom half was unintelligible. Horb claims that it was ripped in transit, but I think he spilled hobo bean sauce on it and now can't read it. Either way, I think Stardust has some pretty good ideas. I'd vote for him in 2016, and honestly, you should too. Then again, with the way things usually end up, he'll probably run against Rybaxel. And in that case, I can't vote against the Big Guy. RYBACK FOR PRESIDENT IN 2016. FEED HIM MORE... VOTES.

Dispatches from the Lake: Oh, Sheamus Still Exists

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Great to have you back, fella!
Photo Credit: WWE.com
I had completely forgotten about Sheamus before he showed up in the second match on Superstars. He did vanish there for a minute, didn’t he? Say what you will about the pasty lug, but I thoroughly enjoy him in the ring. Even if I’m not as big a fan when he’s doing his best WWE face impression.

But on to the show kicking off with our first match, Cameron versus Emma. Hey! Emma’s back too! I haven’t seen her around since the Wal*Mart incident, so it was awesome to see her in the ring. I wish it had been against a better opponent, but I’ll take what I can get. I’m really digging Cameron’s character and mannerisms, but her wrestling is a hot circle of garbage. I just can’t get into it. I did enjoy her going for the Cattle Mutilation on Emma, but that just made me miss Daniel Bryan. Other highlight? The commentary team referring to Emma’s corner splash as the Emma-mite Sandwich. I hadn’t smiled that wide in a hot minute.

Before the Sheamus versus Titus O’Neil match, we got some back stage goodness with team Slater Gator. Heath Slater sneaked up on O’Neil and started tickling him, causing O’Neil to spill lemonade all over his sweet old school ‘RAW is War’ shirt. He was very perturbed that it was lemonade. Slater playing Dwight Shrute to O’Neil’s Michael Scott is making me exceptionally happy.

This led into the HOSS FEST, and I think I ended up liking this more than I thought. On Superstars, O’Neil tends to look crazy bored, but since the advent of Slater Gator, he seems more engaged. This match was just about seven minutes of two big dudes hucking each other around the ring. Sheamus ended up winning, to the shock and surprise of no one, but it was a fun little match.

Recaps and Punishment

A few quick thoughts, since we’re already into the next Raw cycle. Superstars touched on all the matches coming up this Sunday, but the Brie Bella versus Stephanie McMahon and John Cena versus Brock Lesnar matches got the most play.

McMahon and Triple H decimating the Bellas was outstanding. I’m a bit worried for Brie Bella, though. If she can’t get out from behind a table pressed right up to her chair, I don’t think she can win a match against McMahon. Girl, seriously. She should have just stayed sitting. Her standing up and leaning over the table made that look terrible, but the segment as a whole was rad, so no biggie.

The Cena and Lesnar talking head videos have been on point too. I really love that Lesnar will only talk when he wants to. Paul Heyman does it for him most of the time, but when he’s got something to say, he’ll come out from behind the advocate. His message is simple, so you don’t need to hear it all the time. Love it, though you could tell he wanted to say piss instead of urine. He stopped himself, but you could tell he wanted to.

On the other hand, Cena’s “I’m here every night” talking point pissed me off at first, but I get what he’s trying to say. It works in the context of the story. I still want Lesnar to destroy him, but I understand where he's coming from. I just hope that whenever he goes through with the Hogan turn, whoever he feuds with brings this stuff up.

Random Thoughts
  • Rosa Mendes is on Total Divas this season? I didn’t realize she still had a job.
  • Renee Young hit all my sweet spots with her '90s references. I kind of want to be her best friend.
  • WWE has been on point with hyping SummerSlam. It’s annoying the hell out of me. These people clearly have talent, but they are lazy as shit. They should be building to an awesome PPV, but why the hell can’t we get this effort 100% of the time? Why does the world need to be crumbling around them for any effort to be put into the product?
  • Has anyone seen Oculus? Is it worth a watch?
  • Young had a weird comment during the show about how the more a wrestler wins, the more money they earn. What?
  • I still do not understand how WWE figures out number one contenders. The "whole beat the champ, then earn a title shot" thing still leaves me slack jawed and baffled.

Wrestling Six Packs: Opponents for Brock Lesnar at Survivor Series

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The above relationship would be a perfect catalyst for a huge Brock Lesnar main event at Survivor Series
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Brock Lesnar is almost assuredly going to become WWE World Heavyweight Champion sometime before the fall sets in. Whether he does so at SummerSlam or Night of Champions, he most likely will be carrying the banner for WWE into WrestleMania XXXI in Northern California early next year. While he probably won't have the ubiquity of past Champions, he will certainly be around for a few title defenses. He'll more than likely defend at the Royal Rumble, maybe even against a returning Daniel Bryan. He'll be plunked into the Elimination Chamber match as a last shot for someone other him or the Royal Rumble winner to headline WrestleMania. But what about Survivor Series? The second-oldest pay-per-view on WWE's calendar provides a huge question mark for Lesnar's prospective opponent. A prospective third (technically fourth) match with John Cena, assuming a rematch is on the table for Night of Champions, seems boring but not out of WWE's purview at this point. Still, I have six options I'd like to see happen just a little more than a potential fourth in the series of clashes between the WWE's two resident titans.

1. Antonio Cesaro

To be frank, this match was the one I thought WWE should have built towards at SummerSlam. The counterargument is that Cesaro would have been "hurt" by such a short title reign. Firstly, reign length is immaterial if a story was there to be told, and secondly, losing a title to Brock Lesnar is nothing to be ashamed of. The tale of the two Paul Heyman guys clashing is still on the table for Survivor Series. WWE has the autumn to build Cesaro back up to the force he was post-WrestleMania, and honestly, no other wrestler on the roster aside from Cena is more intriguing an opponent for Lesnar. Forget the story implications for a second; Cesaro is a freakishly athletic, insanely strong wrestler who physically can match up against Lesnar with no questions asked from anyone watching. Not only would the bout be chock full of emotion and tension, but it would be a bona fide HOSS FIGHT in the annals of those elephant seal-like wrestlers slamming into each other for the fans' amusement.

2. Mark Henry

Henry and Lesnar would also produce one hell of a HOSS CLASH in a prospective main event. No wrestler projects as fearsome an aura as a motivated Mark Henry, not even Lesnar. The Hall of Pain has been on the shelf for far too long. Aside from in-ring thrashing, Henry has strong motivation to want to chase after Lesnar. At least twice, Lesnar has murked the World's Strongest Man without getting his receipt. Henry doesn't seem to be the kind of guy who forgets easily. Imagine the pop that will erupt when Henry finally shows he can back down the Beast Incarnate.

3. Undertaker

Like most observers, I was disappointed with the Lesnar/Undertaker match at WrestleMania this year. While I was more than happy to see The Streak end, the match itself fell way short of expectation. Part of that may have been due to a concussion that Taker suffered early on in the match. I know asking the old man to step into the ring for match NOT at Mania could be asking for a lot of trouble, but Taker and Lesnar have a natural rematch on the table. Obviously, the outcome would be in less doubt than the fate of a pizza in front of hungry middle schoolers at a birthday party, but rather than seeing these two face off at Mania again, I would rather they close the book at a different event, one with less scrutiny. Besides, the Streak rematch would put a lot of juice behind a pay-per-view that WWE has seen fall by the wayside a bit in past years.

4. Ryback

WWE right now is not only missing the boat on Ryback, it's missing the entire fleet. However, no one is unsalvageable, especially not someone as well-rounded and talented as The Ryback. Besides, what wrestler on the roster is as close to being a mirror to Lesnar as the former Skip Sheffield? Ryback is a cocky, muscular destroyer of faces, much like his cornfed, Jimmy John's-sponsored would-be counterpart. WWE would have to do some rehab work on his character, but Ryback is more than capable of getting back his mojo.

5. Dolph Ziggler

Speaking of getting back one's mojo, Ziggler has recently rededicated himself to finding his panache and flair, which makes him an attractive option to step into a World Championship-level feud with someone like Lesnar. He's the kind of brash show-off who exudes confidence. While that character might not play as well as a babyface against, say, Cena, it's the perfect kind of underdog to go against the juggernaut himself. Plus, Ziggler would bump his ass off for Lesnar in a main event setting. This match is made in wrestler heaven.

6. Dean Ambrose

Two different kinds of babyfaces thrive against the kind of death and destruction brought by Lesnar. Ziggler's bravado provides the first, but the unhinged crazy of Dean Ambrose would be the other kind of eminently likable and believable option against Lesnar. Who better to try and bring down The Beast with nothing but crazy eyes and a refusal to stay down than a guy who has hidden himself in trunks for long stretches of time just for the chance to exact payback on a former friend who jilted him? An Ambrose/Lesnar Survivor Series main event would be intensely unique and uniquely intense, and I would love every second of it from the time it was announced until the final bell.

The Best Moves Ever: Implant/Impaler DDT

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Gangrel, as history would show, wasn't all that memorable an in-ring performer. He gave us Edge and Christian, and his entrance kicked all kinds of ass, but as fate would have for most of the people who peaked during the Attitude Era, well, his matches were rarely remembered for any good reason. However, he had one hell of a finisher. The Implant or Impaler DDT rose up like a suplex and dropped like a classic DDT, just enough extra height on the drop to make it look extra deadly.

The Impact Report: It Happened

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This visual was gross and wrong
Photo Credit: ImpactWrestling.com
So full disclosure, and I’m only saying this because I’ve seen what kind of response these kind of articles about wrestling get, and I want to head them off at the pass at all possible, but yes I understand that wrestling isn’t real. I understand that all parties involved in the actual performance of wrestling agree upon what is going to happen at the event before hand. I’m sure in real life that Bully Ray, Brother Devon, and Tommy Dreamer don’t actually hate women or think that women should be put through a table for whatever the impetus of this feud was in the first place. I’m okay with intergender wrestling and even valets and managers becoming a part of the actual wrestling in the ring when the storyline calls for it.

But it doesn’t change the fact that what happened on TNA the other night was the absolute most disgusting and stupid thing I’ve witnessed in wrestling in quite some time, and I’m absolutely not going to stand by and let TNA get away with it.

The thing, I get why TNA did this whole “Dixie Carter going through a table” angle. It’s Buh Buh Ray Dudley, one half of arguably one of the most famous tag teams ever. His whole thing is putting people, specifically women, through tables. He made his name in ECW for this, at a promotion already heavy with assaults on women, and when he made the transition to WWF the gimmick went with him. He even put Johnny Mae Young through a table, for Pete’s sake! So what is the difference between that and this? What makes putting one woman through a table “okay” (for storyline reasons, I’m obviously not advocating for violence against women) but putting another woman through a table so vile I’m dedicating my entire review of the episode to it?

In ECW and WWF Buh Buh Ray Dudley was a heel, the bad guy in the story. Regardless of the reactions he got he put those women through tables because he was the baddie and we were meant to boo him. In TNA Bully Ray is the GOOD GUY and is getting CHEERED for putting Dixie Carter through a table, and threatening to put her through a table for several months now, and basically stalking and harassing her for that whole time period. Do you see how that’s skewed?

Even in the typical “good vs. evil” alignment I think you can make an argument for a good guy going after a bad girl. An angle I struggled with while watching this episode of Impact was the Kevin Steen/Mike Bennett feud from Ring of Honor last year. For those of you not familiar, Bennett basically started a feud with Steen over whose piledriver was better. Over the course of the feud Steen was regularly distracted by Bennett’s long-time valet and real life fiancee Maria Kanellis. She cost Steen several matches against Bennett, and finally when it came time for the conclusion of the feud at Final Battle 2013, Steen retaliated by piledriving Kanellis and finally beating Bennett.

I was definitely made uncomfortable by this moment but I understood why it happened. It wasn’t as if Kanellis was a mere victim or forced into distracting Steen in anyway, she was clearing doing this over her own volition because she was the bad guy. Steen had clear motivations, and while the image of a man piledriving a woman outside of an intergender match nearly always makes me squirm, I understood why this was happening. The same cannot be said, however, for the Bully Ray/Dixie Carter feud which has run through TNA since Lockdown earlier this year.

Not only are Bully Ray’s motivations muddled (I know Carter put him through a table or caused him to be put through a table which cost him a match) but people on the show itself have called out how silly it is for him to have continued this feud for so long. His single-minded quest for revenge has cost him several more matches, and there is no benefit to him to actually putting Ms. Carter through a table. There’s no title on the line, and Carter isn’t a wrestler or even in power anymore on the show, so Bully Ray isn’t going to get any major rub from putting her through a table or is vanquishing any great foe. The feud and its subsequent blow-off in New York is pretty much just there to give the fans who loved Buh Buh Ray Dudley the chance to shout for tables one more time and watch him do the stuff they loved from the Attitude Era. The one guy that could benefit from this feud, Ethan Carter III, ends up looking like a chump because when it mattered he couldn’t even protect his aunt.

I’m very much of the old school wrestling fan mentality where if someone is going to do a long feud, and one of those wrestlers involved has a lot of credibility and a long tenure, at some point the older wrestler is going to have to put the younger one over. This is almost always how it works, even among the bigger egos in wrestling. Hulk Hogan put over Brock Lesnar. The Rock, eventually, put over John Cena. CM Punk beat the likes of Chris Jericho and John Cena multiple times, and Daniel Bryan pinned John Cena, beat Triple H, and made Batista tap out.

TNA, to its detriment, is a very different beast. Dixie Carter begged Hogan not to leave. AJ Styles and Sting both lost in an overbooked fashion on their way out. Unlike those guys, Bully Ray is here to stay, at least until TNA shuts his doors. But that may not be the best thing for the future of the company.

In a lot of ways, Bully Ray is TNA’s own version of John Cena. I mean, the crowd loves him way more than they love Cena, but he’s nigh indestructible and TNA’s biggest name. He rarely loses clean and he always gets the upper hand in all his feuds. He threatens to kill Mr. Anderson’s family and gets treated like a hero immediately after. He gets put in a long term feud with a rising star where he wins and makes the other guy look pretty bad, and the show revolves around him. Like I said before, the title doesn’t even get featured in this feud but it still gets higher billing and more mic time than any of Bobby Lashley’s title defenses have this month.

The fact that the press surrounding this episode of Impact has focused more on the image of a woman going through a table than the actual wrestling involved on the show, the fact that I spent so much digital ink talking about Bully Ray’s actions rather than about Samoa Joe being the new X Division champ, says everything you need to know about the state TNA is in right now. This feud could have been a star-making turn for Mr. The Third. Or heck, they could have tied this feud into Lashley’s current title run and had MVP and Carter have an unholy alliance to go against Bully Ray And The ECW All-Stars instead of bringing in friggin’ Gene Snitsky and Ezekiel Jackson. Instead all we get is a broken table, a broken woman, and a very broken company.

Your Midweek Links: Rest in Power, Robin Williams

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Gone too soon
Photo via the Associated Press
It's hump day, so here are some links to get you through the rest of the week:

Wrestling Links:

- Money in the Bank [Jacobin Mag]

- The greater narrative [Suviprantsatus]

- The Best and Worst of RAW: The Lonely Grave of Megan Miller [With Spandex]

- So goes the Network [Voices of Wrestling]

- The Puro Reportu: G1 Climax Edition [Wrestling on Earth]

- Five laughable and two awesome ways wrestling resembles a comic book [Topless Robot]

- Celebrate the 11 best moments of Hulk Hogan's acting career [With Spandex]

- The Ten Count! Comedians who are legit wrestling fans [Old School Jabronis]

- Listening to John Cena's rap album in 2014 [SB Nation]

- The Best and Worst of Impact Wrestling: Table for BOOOO [With Spandex]

- TNA Impact (August 7) Review [Voices of Wrestling]

Non-Wrestling Links:

- On Robin Williams [Progressive Boink]

- Extraordinarily common [Celebrity Hot Tub]

- The suicide of Robin Williams from the perspective of a sober standup comedian [Film Drunk]

- Norm MacDonald told the most wonderful Robin Williams story on Twitter [UPROXX]

- Robin Williams and why funny people kill themselves [Cracked]

- Five times Robin Williams was pretty much the best guy ever [Dorkly]

- This Week in F**k You: Depression [Kissing Suzy Kolber]

- America is not for black people [The Concourse]

- This is why we're mad about the shooting of Mike Brown [Jezebel]

- Star Trek writer's defense of diversity in sci-fi is damn near perfect [io9]

- Coach [Gheorghe the Blog]

- Modern Office, with Christina Hendricks [Funny or Die]

- Julie d'Aubigny: Princess of the Opera [Rejected Princesses]

- Zoo With Roy Met Roy Halladay! [I Went to the Zoo with Roy Halladay|The Official Recap]

- How I became thousands of nerds' worst enemy by tweeting a picture [Gawker]

- Why Facebook is pissed at Neil deGrasse Tyson over GMOs [Gamma Squad]

- How to make a breakfast sandwich [Holzerman Hungers]

- How to make hushpuppies, man's second best friend [Foodspin]

- Don't buy all the pies at Burger King to spite a child [The Concourse]

- The great food truck arms race [Every Day Should Be Saturday]

- The ten biggest questions in television history [Warming Glow]

- An open letter to Kevin Feige, the president of Marvel Studios [Powder Room]

- 12 insane facts about He-Man and The Masters of the Universe [io9]

- The 25 best TMNT mash-ups [Dorkly]

- 20 Seinfeldisms you hear in everyday conversation [Warming Glow]

- Autonomy for major college sports arrives [Black Heart, Gold Pants]

- How to ruin a fantasy mock draft [SB Nation]

- More 'anonymous SEC coaches' outtakes [And the Valley Shook]

- Making a point about the PAT [Grantland]

- How to dress like Peter King [SB Nation]

- Seven reasons why remaking Final Fantasy VII is a bad idea [Topless Robot]

- The one thing that would make Magikarp even better [Pocket Monsters]

- What's the difference between a cyclone, a hurricane, and a typhoon? [The Vane]

- Dude jerks it on Chatroulette, audience shocked to find what he's really doing [Jezebel]

- The weirdest micronations that have ever existed [io9]

- Freelancing sucks [The Concourse]

- Philadelphia's other NHL team almost was a Stanley Cup winner from Montreal [Broad Street Hockey]

The NXT Process: Solomon Crowe

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Why hasn't Crowe debuted yet?
Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein
A little over a year ago, Sami Callihan was taking his victory lap around the independent circuit. The buzz around his signing was palpable because he was one of the most singularly unique wrestlers active on the scene. He was built like no other man, had frenetic energy in the ring like few others, wrestled a variance of styles against myriad opponents, and was able to bring a horror movie-influenced ethos to his mic spots that was matched by really no one else. If WWE was all about signing guys that would stand out, it would have to pick up Callihan. By September, he was down in Orlando, training to become a NXT superstar, the first trip on his journey towards making the world's biggest company's main roster. Somewhere along the way, however, the man rechristened as Solomon Crowe was lost in translation, and he has yet to make his WWE Network debut, let alone make his headway towards a roster spot.

He originally was lurking around house shows with a straight-out-of-the-'90s hacker gimmick that saw him controlling house lights and other computer systems with a tablet, and he seemed to be headed towards a feud with Kalisto, his former indie rival Samuray del Sol. Somewhere along the decision making process, someone thought that gimmick wasn't a good idea to make tape in developmental. On a TV show that gave the world Adam Rose's Exotic Express, the Vaudevillains, and soon to be debuting for real, a team of auto mechanics tagging together, apparently, a hacker was on the other side of the line in the sand that the folks down at Full Sail University refused to cross. Kalisto has since made his debut for NXT television. Crowe is still waiting for his chance, wrestling dark matches on house show dates.

To be honest, the gimmick did sound pretty dated. Whether or not he was using modern technology, most of the world has caught up with the idea of how computers work. People are starting to see through the entertainment industry's attempts at framing technological advances as unknowable and mysterious, most recently exampled by the movie Sex Tape being raked over the coals for Jason Segel's character acting like The Cloud is some nebulous, difficult thing to use. Scrapping the character may have been for the best, but why has Crowe, the wrestler, seemingly been scrapped, or at the very least delayed beyond all reasonable expectation?

Crowe would not be the first person cast out into the NXT sea without a gimmick, and he wouldn't or shouldn't be the last. Gimmicks can be great, but they also are not necessary to get over, especially in modern WWE, where the most over superstars ever were less ornate characters and more identifiable people. Scrapping the wrestler because the gimmick didn't seem like it was taking flight is opposite to everything that is intuitively known about how pro wrestlers get over. Rarely does someone take flight based on the system and the system only. The right positioning helps, sure, but the mix of wrestler and booker usually skews more towards the former than the latter. More simply put, great talents find a way to get over themselves.

Crowe is a great talent. He wouldn't have taken the indies by storm if he wasn't. If he were put on NXT television today, he would win the crowds over within a series of tapings, no matter what kind of character he was given. Yet, the most meaningful action he gets are in dark matches. He gets to stay loose in the ring, but that kind of preliminary action won't keep him prepared for big situations. I've seen plenty of dark matches. They don't go too long, and only serve to warm the live crowd up.

Crowe, as it stands right now, does not get the kind of reps that are meaningful enough to keep him sharp and to keep his game on a comparable level to when he was wrestling on the indies. Almost a year has passed, and he's only been on TV once, as the house DJ for Rose's debut segment, which is to say he hasn't been on TV at all. No matter how good a wrestler is, he or she cannot stay sharp by training only or doing dark matches. Sami Zayn debuted on TV within a couple of months of his signing with the company, and even though he's not made the main roster yet, he's getting every opportunity to hone himself in front of a real live crowd before he gets there.

Sometimes, for all the wrestlers NXT has helped, the people within the confines of the promotion or waiting in the wings of the Performance Center can feel the cold wrath of mismanagement. Solomon Crowe has no reason to be waiting for his shot to get in a real ring and work real stories unless he's got some kind of attitude problem that isn't being reported. But he was ready to be shunted into the main narrative as early as January, and he's still being tossed into dark matches now. He can't have that much of a problem. Instead, his only mistake wasn't a mistake he made at all. NXT's trainers, bookers, agents, and producers are failing him because of their need to get things completely perfect. Sometimes, you just gotta throw a guy to the wolves and let him do his thing.

Crowe is way too talented not to be in the thick of things. Every month he's not booked on the main tapings is another month that WWE risks of losing its grip on a charismatic, unique, and gifted performer. Arguably, the amount of wrestlers the company pulls into the Performance Center will cause for some failures in their training or recruiting process, and not everyone is going to make the dark match on tour let alone the main narrative. However, for Crowe to be counted among those failures would be a goddamn tragedy.
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