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| Ending predictable, match not (in a good way) Photo Credit: WWE.com |
To quote William the Bloody, we're all puppets - I'm just a puppet who can see the strings.
Since I don't have to worry about the iron tentacles of TitorCorp™ reaching out to censor me, it frees up time to examine things like Main Event. And now that the 3 of Awesome (you're welcome, Mizanin) seem to have commendeered the booth full-time the outline of the show seems to be A-B-C simple, though the fillng of the sandwich changes weekly.
Firstly, at least one wrestler I really like will be in a three-segment match. Next, the Usos will be in a two segment match and will Superfly high, brudda. Finally, Justin Gabriel will hit the 450 on some poor unsuspecting chump. In between will be recap segments I skip. 45 minutes. Roll credits.
Nice and tidy. Hell, it's part of why I wanted the show -- there will be weeks like these where I spend more time watching this happily than getting the grumps FUHFORWIDing through 9/10ths of RAW.
Let's start at the finish: this week's victim of the 450 was Curt Hawkins, who might want to reach out to Zach Ryder on the Twittah Machine and see if he's got any shirt ideas for Major Brothers Reunion Tour 2013 shirts. It's not like they're doing anything else better, you know? And Curt's been working on his Pele. Then again, he was within spitting distance of his hometown so he should've seen this coming. The second funniest moment of the show (right behind the Goddamned Undertaker in the opening credits) was Miz advocating for Be A Star. I cannot understate this: Miz speaking out for BAS is like me speaking out against interracial premaritial sex. I mean, there's comedy and then there's comedy.
That said there's been nothing funny about Team Rhodes' Scholars' sliding down the ladder passing the Usos on their way up. The cameras caught a kid doing a decent approximation of the haka while the Usos did, and if they can ever get a crowd to do that en masse it'll be time for the belts. It was a little nuts how the Usos took up most of the match's oxygen with things like assisted hangmen and double double elbows while the Intellectualati had to take a litany of cheap shots to open up their hope spots for the Disaster Kick, Cubito Aquiet, and not much else. Not that it mattered since in the end they went SPLUT!, anyhow. Oh, well. The wrestling gods are punishing Cody for dropping Kaitlyn and they damn well should.
When the dulcet terms of IT'S A SHAMEFUL KING LOBSTERHEAD stared the show proper, it wasn't a matter of if but when. In Main Eventville, it's death, taxes, and the Brogue Kick, the first usually being caused by the last. Main Event seems to have fallen into this very palatable idea of "let's let the European guys beat the crap out of each other for three segments to open" and lemme tell you, it's as much fun as things not involving my main man D-Bry get. Tonight's ghost for the offering was Antonio Cesaro, who went as noisily into that good night as you'd expect. Cesaro is turning into the Regal of a new generation, though I doubt his Lordship ever bit somebody on the knuckles for gits and shiggles. (Oh, he probably did in real life, but not in the ring.)
Cesaro kept his innovations in a losing effort rolling; here we got him struggling to but eventually pulling off the Lift after 15-20 seconds, and using an Irish whip on the apron to send Sheamus into the post to set up a sweet painful-looking sandwich where Cesaro kicked the wide-open Irishman's head into the post after running down the apron with his shoulder still hugging the post. During the break, he hit a double stomp suicida. Maybe I should get the app after all. Cesaro, in a thing I picked up on from Regal commentary on nXt, is stinging people with knuckle dominant jabs to the kidneys. Yes, Regal is the only one who's picked up on this. Yes, it's very awesome.
Sheamus went clubberin', hit a sweet battering ram suicida that temporarily look like a photo negatived to death Sin Cara and posted Cesaro himself but when he couldn't pull off White Noise with the injured arm Antonio Cesaro PROCURED THE CROSSFACE CHICKENWING. Not only that, Miz immediately name-dropped Mr. Backlund. Don't get any ideas, Mike. Sheamus flew off into a nice European uppercut and then as if to say "Silly pale man, I also have aerial ability" Cesaro actually hit a successful top-rope kneedrop in a WWE ring for the first time since 1993. Shortly thereafter, the Celtic Warrior got locked into another CFCW. He only managed to get the ropes by the skin of the bootheel. Soon thereafter, Sheamus set up for White Noise, but Cesaro fought him the whole time.
No matter to the former World Champ, who sort of hit it enough in the corner to cause separation and then you can guess the rest. I wish Cesaro would win a match of importance, but he seems to be putting on a string of good-to-great matches almost out of spite, and that's pretty good. Almost as good as Sheamus is in the ring when it comes to wrestling and his HelmsleyLite character isn't making me break out in hives.
After all, his kick isn't a secret, but on Main Event, it's the moment where everything happens.
Since I don't have to worry about the iron tentacles of TitorCorp™ reaching out to censor me, it frees up time to examine things like Main Event. And now that the 3 of Awesome (you're welcome, Mizanin) seem to have commendeered the booth full-time the outline of the show seems to be A-B-C simple, though the fillng of the sandwich changes weekly.
Firstly, at least one wrestler I really like will be in a three-segment match. Next, the Usos will be in a two segment match and will Superfly high, brudda. Finally, Justin Gabriel will hit the 450 on some poor unsuspecting chump. In between will be recap segments I skip. 45 minutes. Roll credits.
Nice and tidy. Hell, it's part of why I wanted the show -- there will be weeks like these where I spend more time watching this happily than getting the grumps FUHFORWIDing through 9/10ths of RAW.
Let's start at the finish: this week's victim of the 450 was Curt Hawkins, who might want to reach out to Zach Ryder on the Twittah Machine and see if he's got any shirt ideas for Major Brothers Reunion Tour 2013 shirts. It's not like they're doing anything else better, you know? And Curt's been working on his Pele. Then again, he was within spitting distance of his hometown so he should've seen this coming. The second funniest moment of the show (right behind the Goddamned Undertaker in the opening credits) was Miz advocating for Be A Star. I cannot understate this: Miz speaking out for BAS is like me speaking out against interracial premaritial sex. I mean, there's comedy and then there's comedy.
That said there's been nothing funny about Team Rhodes' Scholars' sliding down the ladder passing the Usos on their way up. The cameras caught a kid doing a decent approximation of the haka while the Usos did, and if they can ever get a crowd to do that en masse it'll be time for the belts. It was a little nuts how the Usos took up most of the match's oxygen with things like assisted hangmen and double double elbows while the Intellectualati had to take a litany of cheap shots to open up their hope spots for the Disaster Kick, Cubito Aquiet, and not much else. Not that it mattered since in the end they went SPLUT!, anyhow. Oh, well. The wrestling gods are punishing Cody for dropping Kaitlyn and they damn well should.
When the dulcet terms of IT'S A SHAMEFUL KING LOBSTERHEAD stared the show proper, it wasn't a matter of if but when. In Main Eventville, it's death, taxes, and the Brogue Kick, the first usually being caused by the last. Main Event seems to have fallen into this very palatable idea of "let's let the European guys beat the crap out of each other for three segments to open" and lemme tell you, it's as much fun as things not involving my main man D-Bry get. Tonight's ghost for the offering was Antonio Cesaro, who went as noisily into that good night as you'd expect. Cesaro is turning into the Regal of a new generation, though I doubt his Lordship ever bit somebody on the knuckles for gits and shiggles. (Oh, he probably did in real life, but not in the ring.)
Cesaro kept his innovations in a losing effort rolling; here we got him struggling to but eventually pulling off the Lift after 15-20 seconds, and using an Irish whip on the apron to send Sheamus into the post to set up a sweet painful-looking sandwich where Cesaro kicked the wide-open Irishman's head into the post after running down the apron with his shoulder still hugging the post. During the break, he hit a double stomp suicida. Maybe I should get the app after all. Cesaro, in a thing I picked up on from Regal commentary on nXt, is stinging people with knuckle dominant jabs to the kidneys. Yes, Regal is the only one who's picked up on this. Yes, it's very awesome.
Sheamus went clubberin', hit a sweet battering ram suicida that temporarily look like a photo negatived to death Sin Cara and posted Cesaro himself but when he couldn't pull off White Noise with the injured arm Antonio Cesaro PROCURED THE CROSSFACE CHICKENWING. Not only that, Miz immediately name-dropped Mr. Backlund. Don't get any ideas, Mike. Sheamus flew off into a nice European uppercut and then as if to say "Silly pale man, I also have aerial ability" Cesaro actually hit a successful top-rope kneedrop in a WWE ring for the first time since 1993. Shortly thereafter, the Celtic Warrior got locked into another CFCW. He only managed to get the ropes by the skin of the bootheel. Soon thereafter, Sheamus set up for White Noise, but Cesaro fought him the whole time.
No matter to the former World Champ, who sort of hit it enough in the corner to cause separation and then you can guess the rest. I wish Cesaro would win a match of importance, but he seems to be putting on a string of good-to-great matches almost out of spite, and that's pretty good. Almost as good as Sheamus is in the ring when it comes to wrestling and his HelmsleyLite character isn't making me break out in hives.
After all, his kick isn't a secret, but on Main Event, it's the moment where everything happens.