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Happy Birthday, Eddie Guerrero

October 9, 2014, 10:30 am
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Happy birthday, Eddie
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Eddie Guerrero would have turned 47 today. The legendary WCW, ECW, and WWE performer died in his Minneapolis hotel nearly nine years ago of heart failure. Guerrero's family boasted several legendary wrestling legends, but I fully believe that was the best and brightest from his house. Though he went through rough patches and struggles with substance abuse, he was able to put together stellar runs everywhere he worked, culminating with a co-headline role and curtain call at WrestleMania XX with lifelong friend and future murderer [REDACTED].

I have eulogized and paid tribute to Guerrero many times in the past, and I will continue to do so into the future, as he's one of my favorite wrestlers of all-time. Today though, I think I will let his work speak for itself. October 26, 1997, World Championship Wrestling held its annual Halloween Havoc pay-per-view event. Guerrero was the WCW Cruiserweight Champion, and Rey Misterio, Jr. was a challenger who so wanted that title that he wagered his mask. This match is not only one of my favorites of all-time, it is clearly one of the greatest matches in professional wrestling history. These two met several times before that date, and they wrestled several times afterwards (even once for the custody of Mysterio's son). However, this match is their masterwork, and it's a fitting tribute to one of the greatest wrestlers ever on the anniversary of his birthday.

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Twitter Request Line, Vol. 95

October 9, 2014, 12:30 pm
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Who is this guy in the middle next to Jesse Godderz?
Photo via Godderz' Twitter
It's Twitter Request Line time, everyone! I take to Twitter to get questions about issues in wrestling, past and present, and answer them on here because 140 characters can't restrain me, fool! If you don't know already, follow me @tholzerman, and wait for the call on Wednesday to ask your questions. Hash-tag your questions #TweetBag, and look for the bag to drop Thursday morning (most of the time). Without further ado, here are your questions and my answers!

Man, that guy doesn't look familiar to me at all. He's certainly not among the new school of "celebrity fans," which by the way is the worst trend in wrestling. Superfans in other sports are amusing at the very best, and even guys like Fireman Ed or Darth Raider lose their charm pretty quickly. Meanwhile, Green Lantern Fan doesn't even have a power ring or dress up. Whatever though. Anyway, traveling fans are not uncommon in other arts, mostly in music. Deadheads followed the Grateful Dead around, so it wouldn't be too farfetched to believe this guy just went to pay-per-views all around the country, especially when the two big companies were running quarterly. Maybe he was just some guy who loved wrestling enough that he went to all the shows he could. Or maybe he was a TIME LORD. Either way, I think him showing up on camera a lot is one of those cool little coincidences.

  1. Daniel Bryan - It would be a blithe way to retrofit a history of wrestling even when he obviously wasn't the guy underneath the bunny hood.
  2. Darren Young - Adam Rose's torment of Slater Gator would make a heck of a lot more sense, and if you remember, he was the South Beach Party Boy when he first came up in NXT. Continuity on both ends!
  3. Tyler Breeze - The Bunny might doom him to Adam Rose purgatory from jump, but if the reveal came at the Rumble in an opportune moment, he'd have instant cred.
  4. Dean Ambrose - Parading around as the Bunny might be too predictable by his own batshit standards, but what a way for him to win his first Rumble. WWE is all about moments.
  5. Christian - What a way to get One More Match, huh?
The biggest reason probably is the Usos using it as a transitional move. Granted, transitional moves can be redundant in WWE, but the move fits the Usos, especially as WWE's ersatz, ethnic version of the Young Bucks. Ziggler trying to use it not only would invite comparisons to Shawn Michaels, but it would put him under a microscope compared to the current tecnico tag team in the company.

YES YOU CAN!

*ducks a billion tomatoes from @Enrico_Palazzo_*

A little bit from column A and a little bit from column B. RAW is so full of lackluster performances, especially on promos, that any standout performance, whether by McMahon or Dean Ambrose or Bray Wyatt, automatically is bolstered a hundredfold. I don't know how WWE got to this point. The company does have charismatic people, but their roles are either misfit or they have stage fright or they don't take to scripting as well as they need to. But to say McMahon has only been memorable because everyone else sucks is a disservice to the work she's put in at being the passive-aggressive mom-type. When she's on, she's electric. But that being said, when she comes out and plays the straight-man executive or the amphoteric, somewhat babyface type character, she fails. She needs to be evil all the time.

Choosing the Great Sasuke would be cheating, right? My choice would then have to be Dean Ambrose, as it is for most things, and the song would have to be Rick Astley's "Never Gonna Give You Up." Why? Because I need to see the Tittymaster Rick-Roll a bar full of patrons expecting something completely different.

Another case of both statements being valid. Some folks are going to complain about everything because that's their nature, and of course, that's okay. I feel like worrying about whether someone else enjoys something is detrimental to your health, especially when the disagreement causes such visceral emotional pain. You're not part of WWE's quality control, so why should it matter if everyone likes something the company's doing?

But yeah, the rumored plans for John Cena and Dean Ambrose, having their "qualifier" match to face Seth Rollins inside the cell be a Contract on a Pole match, sound terrible on paper. I can dig having Ambrose and Cena having the qualifier match, but the pole nature just feels chinsey and another way to have Cena lose without losing because if he doesn't win, the kids won't root for him anymore OH TEH NOEZ. Besides, Rollins/Ambrose seems more like a Survivor Series match that leads into a Mania rematch. I don't know why WWE couldn't have just put Rollins in the cell against Cena and gave Ambrose either Randy Orton or Ka... well, maybe not Kane.

But Ambrose especially seems to know how to turn shit on paper into gold in the ring, so I'm not going to be too down on that match going into it. WWE's pay-per-view product, even when it's been down like it was for Night of Champions and Battleground, has always delivered in 2014, and who knows, maybe Ambrose and the best big match performer of the last ten years will make something memorable out of Russo's booking scribble-scrabble.

This question makes me feel old, because so many in-prime wrestlers right now are younger than I am or at least are at a similar age. Damn you, Rich! Anyway, I guess I'll give my top ten wrestlers born on December 15, 1981 or earlier:
  1. Kevin Steen
  2. Both Young Bucks
  3. Dean Ambrose
  4. AJ Lee
  5. Athena
  6. Sami Zayn
  7. ACH
  8. Kimber Lee
  9. Mickie Knuckles
  10. Kyle Matthews
SO OLD.
On one hand, WWE actually giving a spit about breast cancer is noble and good, but everything else seems to be super wrong with it. Firstly, WWE is still pretty much in the dark ages when it comes to treatment of women. Sure, the climate is getting slightly better on-camera, but I'm not sure how toxic it is for women backstage. And that slightly-better treatment in the narrative still is filled with faux-lesbian stories built for titillation, announcers talking over women's matches for their own jollies, and questionable hiring practices. But the worst part is WWE's partner in the whole thing. Susan G. Komen Foundation is barely a charity. Their right wing politics actively harm women's health in other areas, while their high overhead and draconian donation standards almost guarantee that barely any of the proceeds will actually go towards researching a cure. So yeah, while on the surface, it seems like a noble gesture, the whole thing is fucked to the core.

To be honest, I don't mind the Hideo Itami name, and I actively like Sami Zayn, Finn Balor, Solomon Crowe, Sasha Banks, and Daniel Bryan. The pre-developmental era of NXT conditioned fans to actively laugh at the naming process (Lucky Cannon? Eli Cottonwood? MICHAEL MCGILLICUTTY???), but I think WWE has started to right the ship, especially when it's come to known indie/international stars coming in and getting rechristened. Sure, everyone would have loved familiarity, and Steen already comes with a handy "KILL STEEN KILL" or at the very least "FIGHT STEEN FIGHT" chant associated with his name. But I reserve all ire with his potential name until he's actually saddled with a clunker.

@thegnc, whose tweets are protected, asks:
Damien Mizdow; About to be deep sixed because people are enjoying it or is an NXT star about to be his stunt double?
I really hope it's the latter, because I have been dying for Sandow to do something relevant since he lost his cash-in attempt at John Cena late last year. Don't get me wrong, his turn as a cosplayer-slash-imitation artist that led to him becoming Miz's stunt double has been entertaining, but I'm ready for him to evolve and take his mantel as potential WrestleMania main eventer. I would love to see him in a meaningful feud that would take him back onto the fast-track to big stories, pay-per-view matches, and even more mic time.

Sorry, they're all sour.

Sounds like she's in the same boat as Ricky Steamboat, whose shoot name was Richard Blood, which could have been a TREMENDOUS ring name on its own. She could go by the name of Sammi Hurt, but would she really want people knowing her real name (maiden or not) and being able to use that info to harass her? The world is an even scarier place now with the ready access to information. I would suggest tapping into a popular culture vein and working that name into a finisher. Say hello to Sammi Locker, and her devastating finisher, the Hurt Locker. BOOM.

I'm not sure if he loves the babies or not, but he is quite protective. When Amanda was pregnant with both of my kids, he would be extra guard dog-like and would always sleep at her feet at the bottom of our bed. He whined whenever someone other than Amanda or me went near TJ when he was an infant, and so far, it's the same thing with Josie. He's also very curious and likes to sniff and lick babies just to get a feel for them, but he knows how small and in need of protection they are. The best sign, however, is that as TJ got older and started to play rough with Buddy, he would tolerate it and not snap back at him. Now that's a good dog.

Jason was an abused child, while Freddy was a child abuser. I'm gonna go with Mr. Voorhees.

When you watch NIGHT OF CHAMPIONS or SUMMERSLAM or any other show he's appeared on on The WWE Network for $9.99!

*is shot out of a cannon into Mount Everest without any helmet*

In all seriousness, I doubt WWE promotes Survivor Series without its Champion, so I expect Paul Heyman to start showing up the night after Hell in a Cell with Lesnar appearing on at least one of the RAWs between HiaC and the Series. At the very latest, expect Lesnar back in a WWE ring on November 17.

@MrsKillerRoo, whose tweets are also protected, asks:
Is your new baby the cutest thing ever, yes or yes? #TweetBag
Is this a trick question? ARE YOU TRYING TO CATCH ME SAYING MY BABBY ISN'T KYOOOOT? Err, uh, I mean yes, she is the cutest thing ever!

Before I address this question - and it is a great hypothetical - I want to ruminate on how unlikely John Cena getting fired from WWE for anything that would make him a viable wrestling free agent would be. If he's getting fired from WWE, it's because he's a felon and is going to federal prison for something not even Vince McMahon could cover up (hi, Jimmy Snuka!). Cena is the most company man in the history of company men.

But, I do find the prospect of him hitting the free agent market and making the rounds like AJ Styles did when TNA lowballed him the fuck out its doors last year. If Cena were to head to an indie company, he'd have to head to his old stomping grounds, Southern California. There, he would walk into the American Legion in Reseda, CA and issue an open challenge at Pro Wrestling Guerrilla's next event on October 17. After cutting a promo about how he fucked up and wants the respect of the fans who boo him and how he's willing to work for it, who walks out from the back but Samoa fucking Joe. Cena vs. Joe opens the show and tears the roof down.

Then at All-Star Weekend in December, he faces Chris Hero on night 1 and teams with Samoa Joe against reDRagon on night two. Joe and Cena make a run to the finals of DDT4 where they lose to the Young Bucks (they win every odd numbered year). The April event sees him get a PWG Championship match against O'Reilly, where he wins, only to lose it at the 12th Anniversary show against Trevor Lee. He then makes a run all the way to the finals of Battle of Los Angeles, where he puts over Cedric Alexander before making the announcement that WWE has decided to hire him back after a yearlong redemption tour. The fans cheer for him in Reseda, and whenever WWE comes back to Los Angeles, he's solidly cheered, even if the rest of the country still hates him.

Ketchup and mustard are out of the question because it's been done. Nothing with vinegar or capsicum in it will do either because I have phantom open wounds that appear on my body from time to time, and I don't want searing pain. Relish is gross, so that's out. Mayonnaise has eggs in it, and if I don't wash it off in time, it'll smell. Barbecue sauce can leave too sticky a residue. My answer would then be Worcestershire sauce. It has a nice aroma, and it isn't too sticky.
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I Listen So You Don't Have To: Cheap Heat, Oct. 9

October 10, 2014, 4:30 am
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The guys talk about the logistics of intergender wrestling this week
Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein
If you're new, here's the rundown: I listen to a handful of wrestling podcasts each week. Too many, probably, though certainly not all of them. In the interest of saving you time — in case you have the restraint to skip certain episodes — the plan is to give the bare bones of a given show and let you decide if it’s worth investing the time to hear the whole thing. There are better wrestling podcasts out there, of course, but these are the ones in my regular rotation that I feel best fit the category of hit or miss. If I can save other folks some time, I'm happy to do so.

Show: Cheap Heat
Episode: Oct. 9, 2014
Run Time: 50:17
Guest: None

Summary: Guess who went to RAW in Brooklyn? Your Cheap Heat hosts David Shoemaker and Peter Rosenberg, that’s who. The boys recount their experience, then talk about the Hell in a Cell card and the three former members of the Shield before answering listener questions about, among other topics, Brock Lesnar’s title defense schedule, intergender matches, the TV-14 option and Dean Ambrose’s dalliance with the hot dog stand. They end with a new bit in which Shoemaker reads an excerpt from a famous promo and invites listeners to tweet guesses as to the speaker.

Quote of the week: Shoemaker on men wrestling women: “On an indie scale, it works better. But put in the hands, to be plain, putting in the hands of WWE to promote that kind of match is not going to be necessarily some like breakthrough for women’s liberation. It just puts all of the men who would be in those matches in really untenable positions.”

Why you should listen: There’s something to said for hearing about a show you watched on TV from someone (intelligent) who attended in person. It forces thought about the nature of WWE as a TV product first, albeit one that relies on a live audience to create a compelling scene. Shoemaker gets a chance to drop the names of several prominent non-WWE female wrestlers, surely a Cheap Heat first. The kayfabe questions are getting more useful in terms of generating good dialogue. And Rosenberg seems to have a better handle on how often he can “heel up” without ruining a show.

Why you should skip it: The guys were pretty excited about being present for The Rock’s surprise appearance. If you didn’t enjoy that segment, you won’t enjoy reliving it on the show. The discussion about intergender matches was far too superficial, as no one even brought up the suspension of disbelief required to appreciate a Rey Mysterio vs. Big Show contest. Also, you might just get frustrated hearing Rosenberg crow about the celebrity treatment that got him second-row seats, which he clearly did not use to enjoy the entire RAW taping.

Final thoughts: The guys announced next week’s episode will feature an in-studio visit from Chris Jericho, as well as the return of a discussion about something to watch on WWE Network and a second week of the guess the promo game. Those are welcome developments, as Cheap Heat has proven to thrive with structure — or perhaps the counter is true and it just struggles in free form. Regardless, the strength of this episode is the invoking of the live fan experience. If that doesn’t generate interest, then take a pass.
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I Listen So You Don't Have To: Steve Austin Show Ep. 158

October 13, 2014, 9:00 am
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Austin's most recent Unleashed episode is low-key
Photo Credit WWE.com
If you're new, here's the rundown: I listen to a handful of wrestling podcasts each week. Too many, probably, though certainly not all of them. In the interest of saving you time — in case you have the restraint to skip certain episodes — the plan is to give the bare bones of a given show and let you decide if it’s worth investing the time to hear the whole thing. There are better wrestling podcasts out there, of course, but these are the ones in my regular rotation that I feel best fit the category of hit or miss. If I can save other folks some time, I'm happy to do so.

Show: Steve Austin Show Unleashed
Episode: 158
Run Time: 1:13:42
Guest: Kristin Austin, Ted Fowler

Summary: Steve chats up his wife as she’s headed out the door to a Zumba class before checking in with Ted Fowler down at the Broken Skull Ranch. The guys discuss the deer herd, the upcoming hunting season some facility repairs, Ebola, global warming, cooking for one, Fowler’s softball team and lady friend situation, and more.

Quote of the week: Fowler: “I don’t see how you can put all the automobiles, the trains, the planes, the buses, the industry — you put all this stuff on the planet, have it go chugging along, belching out emissions like it is, and not have it jack with the atmosphere and the weather patterns. I think there’s very much to that global warming.”

Why you should listen: It’s been a while since Fowler has appeared on a Steve Austin Show. He’s a familiar voice and his repartee with Austin is comfortable. This is the kind of show that humanizes Austin and makes listeners feel like they know about their hero’s everyday life. That sort of invitation by Austin builds a devoted fanbase who have a personal investment in the show and the world it creates. Also, for someone as notable conservative as Fowler, his views on global warming are actually logical and refreshing.

Why you should skip it: It’s mainly a chat about Austin’s ranch, which isn’t really all that interesting, especially out of the context of a larger Austin fandom. There is almost zero talk about the world of wrestling (save for Austin suggesting a future episode might involve his real-time commentary on one of his most famous matches), and other than his personal and professional relationship with Austin, there’s zero reason for Fowler to be a podcast-worthy personality.

Final thoughts: Other than this being generally more amusing than Austin’s recent solo shows or talks with guests outside the wrestling universe, there’s no real reason to click the old download button.
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Smackdown: Friendship is Magic

October 13, 2014, 11:00 am
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Team Teddy! Team Johnny! TEAM ANNIVERSARY!
Photo Credit: WWE.com
This episode was the 15th anniversary of Smackdown, but it was a pretty lacklustre celebration. Nothing had much to do with the history of Smackdown, other than the Team Teddy vs. Team Johnny match to decide who was the greatest General Manager. And clearly no thought was even put into that, because Booker T only showed up to be on commentary during the match and Vickie Guerrero (obviously the greatest GM) wasn't even there. (Ed. Note - She was invited but declined.) Not to mention the fact that, thrilled as I was to see John Laurinaitis, his crack executive team of David Otunga and Eve Torres was nowhere to be found, which was disappointing.

The Rock showed up, but just to do a backstage bit with Triple H. And there were a bunch of video packages cycling through some Smackdown events of note, but other than that...nothing. At first I was kind of bummed, because I'm used to RAW taking any excuse possible to have huge blowouts. However, then I remembered that I always find RAW anniversaries to be pretty fucking obnoxious. So good for you, humble Smackdown. Some might say that the lack of hoopla was due to no one giving a flying fig about you, but I know it's because you prefer to keep things low-key. This is why we're such good pals.

Does Not Deserve the Friends It Has—The Bunny 
After Adam Rose lost his match against Kane, the Rosebuds all rushed to check on their leader in a touching display of friendship. When Kane decided to dispose of all of them, several of the Rosebuds valiantly threw themselves between him and the Bunny, sacrificing themselves in the name of friendship. However, the Bunny itself provided no such service for its supposed friends, instead scurrying away without so much as a backward glance. What a cowardly cottontail! It doesn't carrot all for anyone but itself!

Probably Won't Remain Friends—Alicia Fox and Paige
So did anyone else notice that none of the Smackdown in Review clip packages contained any women other than Stephanie McMahon? Because I noticed that. In what I'm sure is a totally unrelated coincidence, AJ Lee and Alicia Fox had a frustratingly short match that was summed up with “maybe you can fight crazy with crazy” by the crack commentary team. However, the single note of interest was that Paige has apparently acquired Alicia Fox as her new best friend. I liked Fox getting a share of the spotlight and I loved Paige spending the entire match yelling encouragement and exclaiming about how great her new BFF is. Sadly, however, this is bound to fall apart sooner rather than later.

Should Be Friends—Seth Rollins, Jamie Noble, and Joey Mercury 
I am already a fan of Jamie Noble and Joey Mercury as bumbling Authority cronies. Now I would like to see Seth Rollins bond with them and form an unlikely friendship. It would be a beautiful thing. Unlike Rollins' match against Kofi Kingston, which was...well, not beautiful.

Best Friends—Rusev and Lana
Rusev beat Dolph Ziggler in a match that had absolutely no meaning or consequences for either of them. Then we had to sit through a recap of the Rock doing his thing, but this was at least topped by Lana's amazing eye rolling abilities. She proceeded to get SO ANGRY over remembering Rock's ramblings that she had to hand the mic over to Rusev, who, despite not having the best verbal skills, still gamely took over while she composed herself. It was a heartwarming display of teamwork and solidarity.

Should Be More Than Friends—Sheamus and Cesaro
Sheamus was a member of Team Teddy and Cesaro a member of Team Johnny during the eight-on-eight tag match (Torito and Hornswoggle do not count as “half-people.” Jesus Christ, WWE, stop being so awful). Now, Sheamus did try to play it coy, at one point having Cesaro, Stardust, and Heath Slater caught in the ropes simultaneously, as though they all meant the same to him. Cesaro, however, was seemingly done playing games, as he later snuck in the ring specifically to attack Sheamus and then broke out the Cesaro Swing just for the Irish man. After going ages without swinging anyone, Cesaro was clearly saving it for someone special. He's such a romantic. Side note: The “We Want Miz-dow” chants warmed my heart.

Deserves a Friend—The Miz
Poor Miz.

He hosted a Miz TV segment featuring Dean Ambrose and John Cena and got beat up for his trouble after doing absolutely nothing wrong. He did ask provoking questions and got annoyed when Ambrose and Cena didn't go after each other, but as he also pointed out: It's Miz TV. He's SUPPOSED to stir the pot and everyone expects his guests to eventually throw down, which they did in this case anyway, after first dispatching their hapless host. Miz really deserved to have someone take his side. I hope he and Damien Sandow (who unfortunately took the pin for Team Johnny) went out for ice cream after the show. Side note: Cena was pretty much the worst here, wasn't he? When he pulled out the baseballs and was all like, “I like you, Ambrose. Because you've got THESE,” I seriously had no idea what he was talking about because I am not an emotionally immature, hyper-masculine man-child.

My inner monologue: “Ok, baseballs. That's...relevant to the MLB post season, I guess. So he's telling Ambrose that he needs to have at least two perfect pitches in his arsenal. Like, a wicked curveball and a fastball. Good advice, but kind of a weird metaphor for wrestling....oh. Balls. He's literally talking about testicles. Fuck you, John Cena. I'm flipping back over the Orioles/Royals game.” So that was Smackdown's 15th anniversary. It sure was a thing that happened. I'll end by wishing everyone a Happy Canadian Thanksgiving! Celebrate with Friendship!
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Best Coast Bias: Not Selling Woof Tickets

October 13, 2014, 1:00 pm
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SURPRISE!
Photo Credit: WWE.com
For the NXT aficionado, it was another week of swimming in the gray and hoping that there was going to be light at the end of the journey. It's not that the trip is unpleasant; rather, the inverse. There's a pair of tracks that are on display and either can be the route that leads the developmental league into 2015. But either way, the same question that first reared its head at Fatal 4 Way: who's going to end up being the heel - Adrian Neville or Sami Zayn?

Leaving aside the wild card yet tempting possibility that neither one of them will be corrupted by the Big X, another domino towards the end game went down just like Sami did to Titus O'Neil in the main event. The cursor didn't stutter; you saw that correctly.

If you're a paranoid, or merely prone to perpetual side-eye, then Sami's pre-match promo probably raised an eyebrow. With a jocularity (arrogance?) that seemed slightly uncharacteristic of the Zayn that's become the top-shelf babyface in Florida he mocked Titus for fighting a bunny when in theory he should be a monster, and then stated he felt pretty good about his chances that evening. As any long-time fan of popular culture knows, he might as well have put on a red shirt after having sex before announcing he was going to investigate that strange noise by himself and he'd be fine, don't worry about him. O'Neil's offense wasn't exactly the most compelling thing in the world, to put it kindly; he seemed lost on what to do that wasn't a slam, a bearhug or some punches. That was irrelevant given the size disparity especially in the first half of the match where besides a couple of gunshots disguised as open-handed chops the Zayn offensive totally got subsumed by the former University of Floridaian.

Even coming back from the break it took Sami multiple efforts to get going even when he was trying to throw shots from his belly upwards, and outside of a textbook tope con hilo didn't really muster anything besides fodder for a Clash of the Titus off of the top instead of his wrist-lock tornado ZDT (DDZ?) and got pinned clean in the middle of the ring. He got laid over the apron and Titus ascended while smacktalking the crowd, allowing Neville the window to come out and drag his friend out of harm's way while glaring at the power half of SlaterGator. Could you make the argument he should've came out earlier as Zayn did last week? Sure. You could also make the counter-argument he only got involved when it was apparent Titus was out to pile on after the match and cause a lasting injury. How do you reconcile this with the ref-pulling friend-superkicking from Fatal 4 Way? It stands to figure one or the other is the aberration, and it's anybody's guess (maybe even the NXT employee's) as to which it is. O'Neil has ostensibly earned a title shot against Neville, which should only dump kerosene on this simmering fire.

With the main event somewhat lackluster from a match quality perspective, per usual it was up to the women's match of the show batting in the semi-main. The only complaint about the Becky Lynch/Sasha Banks affair was that it ended. It could've gone another five to ten easily and at the clip the ladies were going at it, maybe they're just saving that better iteration for a future Network special. From Sasha mocking Lynch by going through her hair only to get it whipped in her face down to her finishing off the Irishwoman with the Bank Statement -- her Lungblower/Crossface combination formerly known in this circle as the Boss Combo -- this whole thing was made of what the kids refer to as win. Banks' modified bow and arrow with a boot to the back of the head for extra nastiness was the sort of thing that would've drawn more attention had not the entirety of the match it was showcased in look like small beer.

While we wait for the inevitable Flair/Boss showdown, let us note Ms. Banks dusting off the 100 Hand Slap to the back in the corner for the first time in a long time as well as the rope-hung double knees to the gut. We should also note Lynch expanding her work, as her Matrish bridge out of a pinfall was quickly followed up with a basement dropkick to the ribs and a full-out nipup all on the heels of a La Magistral cradle. Given the shallowness in the NXT's ladies' pool with the callups of Paige and Emma earlier in the year this may be the start of something to keep a future eye on; hell, it would be stunning if this didn't eventually become a title match. But this match went by quicker than it took Tyler Breeze to make Mojo Rawley tap out in the opener.

Of course, the ranks of the ladies may be bolstered with Carmella getting her official tryout next week after Regal saw her work and got another trainee to tap out. Cass' getting a hug while Enzo Amore continued to get the Heisman led to what theoretically could've been the comedic moment of the week ("And I know you're gonna post it--""YUP.") except that in addition to some of the singalong parts, they lit into the Vaudevillains with such hilarity and venom that you had to be surprised Ether or Hit 'Em Up didn't start playing in the background as they uncorked on poor Simon and Aiden. As the Vaudies drift more into their Villanry (note the music change in the past month as well as Simon not yelling out "Manly!" when he hit the double bicep pre-match), they seem to be more and more set up for a match against the Lucha Dragons with the NXT Tag Team Championships on the line. They took the disses in stride on their way to mostly isolating Enzo on the way to wrapping it up with their signature Finlay roll/second rope senton bomb combination after Simon pulled a distracted Amore into the second turnbuckle beforehand and Aiden laying out Cass to stop him from doing what he successfully executed. Add all their non-ring verbal gymnastics as further evidence that some corners calling them the Newer Age Outlaws isn't too far off of the mark if not wholly correct.

Speaking of not wholly correct, this show's crunchy center sadly had something that BCB and most Full Sailers predicted: the Assassination of the Smackdown Number One Announcer by the Cowardly Ascension. But beforehand, Viktor and Hideo Itami went in at a match that seemed to be a 48 played at 33. Itami clearly got his bell rung early and tried gaming his way through it even though a viewer could tell this wasn't the pint-sized destroyer of worlds that'd been so clearly delineated on his resume and the announcers were gamely trying to cover why his offense looked more like something that should've had a WARNING: May Contain Offense-Like Substances sticker on it. More's the pity, since they started off brawling with each other in a fine set of moments with Itami holding his own. It's always nice when guys who should in theory hate each other's guts prove it by trying to cave in the other's face the instant they can; nothing's more jarring than getting a lot of "those two guys plain don't like each other" buildup that gets undermined the second they get in a collar-and-elbow tieup.

While Itami won the battle, he (temporarily) lost the war as Konor came out roughing up Funaki and then they tied him up in the ropes and finished the job they started when Funaki heroically dragged his limp borderline carcass into the ring. He ate the Fall Of Man while Itami gave them a world-class WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE face?! that got more concerned and anguished as they stretchered out the former Cruiserweight Champion. If only he had a club to be a part of, somebody would have his back at a moment like that and really give the Ascension a good crap-kicking. This cannot happen soon enough, by all accounts. Finding it now naive, backups are left on record--reeling. Hideo needs help soon or he's going to be royally screwed.

Hell, he might be the only one not puzzling over the $64,000 Main Event Question wondering who's going to come up scratched side when the coin lands.
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The Wrestling Blog's OFFICIAL Best in the World Rankings, October 13

October 13, 2014, 4:30 pm
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Allen was even able to make Sweet Saraya's nickname unironic
Photo via @SarayaKnight
Welcome to a feature I like to call "Best in the World" rankings. They're not traditional power rankings per se, but they're rankings to see who is really the best in the world, a term bandied about like it's bottled water or something else really common. They're rankings decided by me, and don't you dare call them arbitrary lest I smack the taste out of your mouth. Without further ado, here's this week's list:

1. Stewart Allen (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Stewart Allen passed away this weekend due to complications from an unknown-as-of-now disease that was more than likely lymphoma. He was the co-founder of and a writer for Ring Belles, a site which I count among the Friends of the Blog. His final tweet, sadly enough, was a message of solidarity to Kris Travis, a British indie wrestler who recently disclosed that he has stomach cancer. Allen's passing is a major blow to the wrestling world, as he was beloved among those who knew and read him. It's also a reminder that cancer is a real motherfucker of a disease. Karl Stern, writer and podcaster for the Wrestling Observer site is also afflicted, as is the legendary Jake "The Snake" Roberts. The disease claimed so many people who are dear to me, dear to you, and dear to the wrestling industry from John Tenta and Jumbo Tsuruta to Giant Baba and Vincent J. McMahon. Cancer sucks, and that's why defeating it in all forms should be a major priority for everyone. Donate to reputable charities, and give comfort to those who suffer from it. A kind word can go a long way for a sufferer's psyche, even if it doesn't kill a single cancer cell. In the meantime, I offer my sincerest condolences to Allen's family and friends. May he rest in peace.

2. Paige (Last Week: 2) - Paige and Alicia Fox continue to get that synergy going, although Fox didn't break out the Surge this week. I wonder if Tony Schiavone has cut them off. He has gone a bit mad with power since President Obama named him Secretary of '90s Beverages.

3. AJ Lee (Last Week: 3) - I don't blame Lee for taking off on Emma. I mean, she does put off the "Hey, wasn't high school just the best times of our lives" vibe, and no one wants to hang around someone most likely to quote and emulate Matthew McConaughey's character from Dazed and Confused.

4. Jucy Lucy (Last Week: Not Ranked)OFFICIAL HOLZERMAN HUNGERS SPONSORED ENTRY - I don't care if they're grilled from fresh or if they've been frozen for a couple of months before grilling, the cheese-inside-the-burger innovation from Minnesota is unfuckwithable.

5. Mark Henry (Last Week: 4) - Usually, Smackdown is not worth tuning into, but apparently, he pulled off the WORLD'S STRONGEST SPINAROONI. It was the only time I have ever regretted tuning in.

6. Kana (Last Week: Not Ranked) - SHIMMER Women Athletes will be doing the second of its semiannual weekend wrestling festivals out in Berwyn, IL, and in a rare, non-WrestleMania weekend move, the promotion has announced a scheduled match in advance of the tapings. Kana will get a shot at Cheerleader Melissa's World Championship. Some might say that this announcement favors Melissa as she'll get a chance to prepare, but conversely, I think it favors Kana because now she knows to bring her heaviest duty swords this trip.

7. Dean Ambrose (Last Week: 1) - Ambrose's biggest challenge of 2014 will be making a "pole" match entertaining and not hokey whatsoever. While I have no doubts he can do so, I warned him, WARNED HIM, not to get tangled in John Cena's shit.

8. Cardinals Devil Magic (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Look, I'm not ranking this phenomenon here because I necessarily like it. The way the fucking St. Louis Cardinals win postseason baseball games is frustrating and annoying. But it's also a real phenomenon and it cannot be denied. Take for example Game Two of the National League Championship Series. A dude named Kolten Wong hit the game winning home run. Does that team have a magic name/body generator like NXT seems to have? Randall Grichuk might be a worse example of deviltry forming a man out of nigh nothing and turning him into a postseason baseball hero. I am deathly afraid of what this team is going to do going forward, but I have to recognize the awesome, evil power that the Cardinals seem to possess.

9. Connor Barwin (Last Week: Not Ranked) - The national media fell over itself to proclaim that the Cowboys were "back" and the best team in the NFL, so Barwin responded the only way he knew how. He ate Giants' tackle Justin Pugh for lunch and drove Eli Manning to the turf so many times that the younger Manning sibling's molecular composition is five percent Lincoln Financial Field turf. E-A-G-L-E-S EAGLES, baby.

10. Sara del Rey (Last Week: 10) - SARA DEL REY FACT: She is currently working on a robot that will be able to replicate the Sara del Rey experience at SHIMMER weekends, but so far, no power source on earth has been able to sustain such levels of energy and awesomeness.
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Instant Feedback: The Narrative Direction

October 13, 2014, 9:10 pm
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Not even Ambrose could save RAW tonight
Photo Credit: WWE.com
WWE did the unthinkable; the company made a show centered around Dean Ambrose lose its sense of wilderness. Ambrose has been WWE's most valuable personality since he was jettisoned out of the comfy walls of The Shield, and even mediocre material has been gilded in his clutch. Of course, RAW can't maintain the same energy every week. Even Ambrose needs time to recharge. However, blaming the show's lack of energy on Ambrose having an off week would be ignoring the flaws in the narrative direction that he is required to defy on a weekly basis. When Ambrose just can't put on a transformative effort, the bottom collapses under the unbearable loads placed upon it by Vince McMahon and his creative staff.

Whether it be the lazy reliance on old Attitude Era match types, causing people to wonder aloud if Vince Russo got his old old job back, the constant fear at showing anything more than a nick in John Cena's armor, Cena's refusal to take any face-to-face promo segment seriously, or recursive, repetitive implication of match finishes, WWE has dipped into a post-summer lull the likes of which I'd like to say are historic. However, I have memory retention stronger than that of a goldfish; seemingly, every year the company dips into autopilot between SummerSlam and the New Year. This year is no different, and it may only seem worse because the audience is currently being asked to suffer through week-in, week-out holding patterns for the the shows where the narrative moves forward.

However, the pay-per-view product being abnormally stronger than the televised game was hardly ever the case. WWE has gone through so much of its history where pay-per-view was an extension of the live weekly serial at best, and from TLC 2012 through Mania XXX, it could have been argued that the free TV blew the doors off the product WWE asked its fanbase to pay for. The last time WWE produced a show that wasn't worth its price tag, whether $60 or whatever portion of $9.99 each live event is really worth in the Network sub per each individual user was arguably in January of this year, and more realistically, it was over a year ago. Even Battleground and Night of Champions this year, the two weakest shows of the Network era, were better than the average pre-Money in the Bank '11 PPV. It really makes me wonder if these weekly doldrums are going to get any better once the charge towards WrestleMania begins.

Nights like tonight make me wonder if WWE's narrative direction really is changing, whether RAW is the landmark event on the calendar that it has been from around 1996 until WrestleMania XXX. Granted, last week's edition wasn't all that great either, but Ambrose was cookin', and The Rock made a special, surprise appearance that, whether or not one liked it, was the hallmark of the kind of primacy that WWE placed on its weekly television show. If so, then what is the point of watching RAW, other than having a reference point for when reports like Best and Worst or The Heart Is RAW go up?

I don't want to feel like my time has been wasted. WWE, however, seems to be in a spot where wasting time is what it does between monthly supercards. The roster may rise to the occasion week to week, because that kind of talent can't be repressed, even if the stars aligned to the point where no one was really righting the ship this week. However, WWE's narrative direction needs a shakeup. It can either toe the line and inspire malaise, or the writers can spend a little bit of time organizing the roster and deciding on stories they want to tell week to week. Frankly, I have less and less faith each week that the people writing this shit, or more importantly approving it, care about being more than the former.
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I Listen So You Don't Have To: Art Of Wrestling Ep. 219

October 14, 2014, 4:30 am
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The Franchise is Cabana's latest guest
Photo Credit: WWE.com
If you're new, here's the rundown: I listen to a handful of wrestling podcasts each week. Too many, probably, though certainly not all of them. In the interest of saving you time — in case you have the restraint to skip certain episodes — the plan is to give the bare bones of a given show and let you decide if it’s worth investing the time to hear the whole thing. There are better wrestling podcasts out there, of course, but these are the ones in my regular rotation that I feel best fit the category of hit or miss. If I can save other folks some time, I'm happy to do so.

Show: Art Of Wrestling
Episode: 219
Run Time: 1:10:25
Guest: Shane Douglas

Summary: Colt Cabana and Shane Douglas have something in common as wrestlers with college degrees and a time spent as teachers. Douglas, however, is nearly 16 years older, and so he has lots of stories about his early days in the business at the end of the territory era. Among other topics, he speaks about his influential relationship with Dominic DeNucci, training alongside Mick Foley, early 1990s backstage WCW politics and influences on his legendary “Franchise” character.

Quote of the week:“My generation was more athletic than Bruno’s. These kids are exponentially more athletic than my generation was. The difference I was brought into the business at a time when it was demanded of me to learn step one to get to step two, and if you didn’t learn it the first time, you might get a rare second opportunity. But it was rare a third one came. … There was always constant pressure to learn and ask questions and pay attention and watch the matches.”

Why you should listen: My worry was this show would be an ECW love-fest, and it’s anything but. In fact, there is hardly any mention of ECW for the first 40 minutes of the interview, and even then it comes up because Cabana wants to talk about Douglas’ microphone work specific to that time period. Cabana does a great job letting Douglas trace his career history, starting with his childhood fandom, and the gentle nature of the conversation allows Douglas to present as a far more rich personality than what he has come to be known only through the relatively brief time of his most famous run.

Why you should skip it: Longtime listeners know Colt Cabana was a huge ECW fan during Douglas’ run at the top, so some folks might actually tune in (or whatever) hoping to spend an hour basking in that nostalgia. If you want that, skip to the very end for a two-minute, expletive-laden Franchise promo. If you only want to engage Douglas at his bluest and most extreme, if you have no time for contemplation and respect for many generations of performers and promotes, well, please move along.

Final thoughts: Anyone open to considering Douglas as a veteran wrestler and lifelong fan, and not just the Franchise caricature, should definitely make time for this hour. It’s another big-name get for Cabana after his DDP show two weeks ago, and again it’s clear he’s earned the respect of people he grew up admiring. Guys like Page and Douglas have little to gain by giving time to Cabana — he might spike their relevance, but each man’s career easily speaks for itself — so when they show up and bring total honesty, it’s a boon for the host and a blessing for the listening audience. It’s not like the greatest hour of your life or anything, but none of the usual complaints about Cabana or Douglas are evident, and that makes for another strong Art Of Wrestling offering.
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Inspire Pro Wrestling's Battle Wars Review

October 14, 2014, 6:30 am
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Just look at these handsome dudes
Photo Credit: Samantha Dupin
It’s been a week from the time Battle Wars took place and me sitting down to write this review and I’m still buzzing from it. I’ve been in such a great mood all week, just because of this silly little wrestling show. It’s almost pathetic how happy Inspire Pro makes me. I tweeted after the event that, excluding my wife, nothing brings me as much joy as Inspire Pro does. I look forward to it every month, which is why I hate it when they take those occasional months off.

It’s also why I’m dropping the $195 per ticket to attend Fun Fun Fun Fest in November, as they will be holding shows all three days of the outdoor festival (yes, another outdoor festival in Austin). We actually went last year and had a blast and we had initially planned to attend on Sunday only, as it has all the comedy we wanted to see. Once it was announced Inspire Pro was going to be there? Yeah, that’s something I’ll lay down some serious cash for (of course, there’s awesome music, comedy, and other such things to see as well).

Ordinarily, with a show this good, I would have written about it on the way home while driving, just to get all my thoughts out there. Instead, I just let the happy memories marinate in my brain all week, helping me get through any trying patches at work and the like. And so I sat down on this night and find myself unable to truly put into words my thoughts and feelings on Battle Wars.

Inspire Pro Wrestling is a live experience. You need to be in attendance for these shows to truly appreciate it, I think. That’s not to say you won’t enjoy the hell out of watching this show (or any of the past ones) on DVD or YouTube, because you will. The shows are phenomenal. It would be impossible to hate them. I’ve just never seen any through that means, so I can’t say how everything comes across through a filter.

You need to see, hear, and feel Inspire Pro in person.

My hope with this show, after people see it, is that folks will be willing to plunk down some cash for plane tickets or pile into a car and drive for ten hours just to see one of these shows. Funny, considering they sent talent to participate, but I want Inspire Pro to be the Chikara of the southwest. People travel from all over to attend Chikara events (especially King of Trios) and I feel Inspire Pro is every bit as amazing an experience to warrant that same type of fandom.

Typically, I would be breaking down the show match-by-match, giving my thoughts on the outcomes and the potential implications going forward, but this was a different show. There were a few storylines that progressed, but for the most part, this was just a great wrestling show, featuring some amazing talent from elsewhere. The show would have been great even without Dasher Hatfield, Icarus, Silver Ant, Fire Ant, and Teddy Hart (and let's not forget referee extraordinaire Bryce Remburg). It just would have, because all the shows over the year plus have been. But they just added something a little extra to the proceedings. You could feel it in the air as soon as you walked into the Marchesa Theatre. This was a big event, a big deal.

So, you don't need me to break it down for you. You just need to get your hands on a copy of the show. After you do that, make plans to start attending the shows. It'll be worth it. Shit like this happens: Killer McKenzie moonsault.



MATCH RESULTS
  • “Just” Stevo Reno defeated Dasher Hatfield and Tadasuke in Triple Threat Elimination Match
  • NWA Wrestling Revolution All Stars (Erik Shadows, Kat Green, Matt Riot, and Tony Strong) defeated The New Movement (Keith Lee, Cherry Ramone, Delilah Doom, and“Jiggle-O” James Johnson) in an Eight-Person Elimination Match
  • Killer McKenzie defeated The Great Depression by disqualification
  • “Centerfold” Matthew Palmer, Franco D’Angelo, and “Absolute” Ricky Starks defeated The Orphans (Zac Taylor, DG Taylor, and Sky de Lamicrosa)
  • ”Big Daddy Yum Yum” Byron Wilcott defeated Moonshine Mantell, Jake Dirden, and “Cowboy” James Claxton in The Hoss Bowl Challenge
  • Chikara Grand Champion Icarus defeated Inspire Pro Champion “Dirty” Andy Dalton
  • "Wildfire” Thomas Shire defeated “That Guy” Scotty Santiago and Teddy Hart to become the first Inspire Pro Pure Prestige Champion
  • ACH and Jojo Bravo defeated The Colony (Silver Ant and Fire Ant)
There was one problem, albeit a minor one, with the show. See, I’m all about the fans being able to say or do whatever they want (as long as it’s not the things Inspire Pro always mentions about being a homophobe, misogynist, racist, etc.), but when they are just trying to BE the show, it’s a problem. Unfortunately, I had the good fortune of getting to sit beside a couple of them.

A couple of them I’ve seen at all the Inspire shows and the ACW ones when we would go, and they weren’t so bad. Maybe drink a little more than they should, but that’s not for me to say or judge. No, it was a couple of other guys beside them who spent large portions of AN AMAZING 8-PERSON TAG to shout “Fuck Chris Trew!” over and over and over and over again. Trew LITERALLY did nothing in the whole match. He was there in support of his team, the people he hand selected to represent (plus Jiggle-O) and, from what I can remember, did not interfere but maybe once (and immediately got his commeuppance). Why focus all the attention onto the manager when a baller match is going on? It was very distracting.

That continued when they spent a lot of their time telling JT LaMotta that his suit was cheap (other fans did similar). He’s not in the match. You know, the match that HAS THE INSPIRE PRO AND CHIKARA GRAND CHAMPIONS IN IT!?!?!??!?!?! Yeah, LaMotta should not have been their focus. There were a couple of other instances as well, namely involving our esteemed ring announcer Brandon Stroud, but the point is, yeah, cheer, boo, chant whatever you want, but don’t try and be the show. No one cares about you. If you want the attention, get in the ring. Or just don’t come back.

I know that makes it sound like I want Inspire Pro to be exclusionary, but I don’t. I want everyone to enjoy this company, but when you make it about you, the fan, no one has fun. It’s the same at a WWE event where you sit right in front of the dude that has to comment on everything (usually the same thing over and over and over) and laughs at his own “clever” chants. Just… there’s no solution for this, ‘cause these people will always be around, in wrestling and other sports, it’s just annoying and I don’t want it ruining my wrestling shows.

And if you want to see some amazing photos from the event, please, PLEASE follow @JoelLoeschman on Twitter. Honestly, I kind of want to become a wrestler just so he can take action photos of me fumbling around like a dumbass.
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Justin Roberts and Willie Mack No Longer WWE Employees

October 14, 2014, 8:30 am
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Mack's release comes shockingly before he was even given his NXT name
Photo Credit: Devin Chen
Two notable personalities are no longer employed by WWE. Both come as somewhat of a surprise, and one was released before his WWE career could even really begin. Justin Roberts, longtime ring announcer for the company whose most famous moment came when Daniel Bryan choked him with his own tie at the formation of the Nexus in 2010 (and of course he had a great sense of humor about the whole thing), was quietly let go after RAW last night. He wasn't fired per se, but his contract was not renewed. Roberts' release leaves WWE with an all-woman slate of ring announcers in Lilian Garcia, Eden Rhodes, and Jojo Offerman of Total Divas fame. I expect Roberts not to be out of work for long, as Booker T's Reality of Wrestling seems to scoop up WWE alumni on the reg. Roberts is also pretty plugged into the independent scene, as he's been a frequent visitor to Arizona's International Wrestling Federation.

The second release is more baffling and disappointing. Southern California indie standout and personal TWB favorite Willie Mack has been released from his developmental contract before he could even report to the Performance Center. The news came down from The Site That Shall Not Be Linked (via With Spandex) with little explanation. My guess is that Mack failed a physical, a la Nigel McGuinness, but again, this shocking news could have been due to any number of things.

The Mack release sucks because he had the tools to be perhaps the most successful of the recent indie signings. The guy is a machine in the ring and is more suited to WWE's style than anyone else who signed except Kevin Steen. He's super-athletic for a guy of his body type as well, and in the age and era of HOSS in WWE, he would have fit right in. Instead, he'll more than likely go back to Southern California and compete for Championship Wrestling in Hollywood and Pro Wrestling Guerrilla, making his emotional farewell speech at the latter's Battle of Los Angeles event really awkward. Either way, I hope he gets another chance sooner rather than later, but in the meantime, I also hope that if he goes back to PWG that he gets a renewed push toward the main event since the last few years in the company have seen him in opening matches if on the card at all.
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Allow Me to Introduce You to Your New Favorite Twitter Account

October 14, 2014, 10:30 am
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@TheRkoVines wants you to imagine that Jack Swagger is a dude falling off his bike here
Photo Credit: WWE.com
@TheRkoVines on Twitter

Videos of people taking pratfalls - intentional or not - have been popular for decades. For whatever reason, physical comedy is a hot seller, even when the victim doesn't really intend to spill over into personal harm. What could make the most extreme examples of falling over better? Superimposing Randy Orton giving that person his patented RKO OUT OF NOWHERE. The folks behind the RKO Vines Twitter account have given the world that gift.

The phenomenon has been around for awhile, but in addition to creating its own variations on the theme, the account is collating other people's efforts into turning stunt failures into hilariously absurd executions on the RKO. The following is my favorite one so far, but follow these guys if you want to see the funniest that Orton will ever be, at least on purpose and without his express knowledge.

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Are the Fans the Real Heels?

October 14, 2014, 12:30 pm
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Bryan is a poster boy for good guys acting bad, but is it because the fans are really bad people?
Photo Credit: WWE.com
WWE started running a bumper ad before WrestleMania, back in the halcyon days of an apparently healthy Daniel Bryan and RAWs that flowed as smoothly as a perfectly poured Guinness straight from draught. It flashed statistics of how many people producing a WWE show took, paying off with Bryan walking into the arena doing his YES! chants, only except no one was in the stands. The message was to show WWE's gratitude towards its Universe by saying without the fans, said Universe didn't exist. It's a sweet message, if not one that's been relayed a bunch of times by various sports leagues and entertainment outfits. Bryan as the emissary made the most sense because he had become the essence of a folk hero, a wrestler that the kids and the jerk-ass nerds like you and me could get behind, one who seemingly united the "LET'S GO CENA" and "CENA SUCKS" crowds.

this time, however, Bryan, the character, had started showing some unsavory traits, specifically in regards to his gendered, coded language and borderline misogynist treatment towards Stephanie McMahon. Obviously, McMahon, along with her real life and in-narrative husband Triple H, play exceptionally evil corporate overlords who deserve comeuppance. However, one of the things that good people do is not resort to fighting evil with bigotry. Daniel Bryan was supposed to be the narrative hero, but as the final stretch of his career before his injury unfolded, he grew more and more unlikeable in a traditional sense. That is, people whom I thought as decent or upstanding didn't act the way he did in regards to holding up his title or using his new wife, Brie Bella, as bait, only to have her actions be for naught. Still, the cheers for him never subsided.

This phenomenon is nothing new in WWE. CM Punk and John Cena harassed John Laurinaitis even though his evil proclivities were really not apparent until the very end of his run. Hell, Cena violated Vickie Guerrero's privacy in order to get back at her for various wrongdoings by putting a hidden camera in her locker room. Going from the first example, Bella's sister, Nikki, accused Brie of horrible, terrible things that Brie has yet to refute. Even last night, Big Show and Mark Henry cornered and bullied Rusev for the mere crime of being really good at what he does and not being from America while doing it. These examples only chip at the iceberg of supposed good guys doing really terrible things, things that people don't associate with "babyface" behavior, as a means to whatever ends they have in mind.

The terms "babyface" and "heel" are insider lingo for good and bad guys respectively, and wrestling literature, written on this site and others, seemingly focuses on placing behaviors associated with those terms in a vacuum. Good guys are supposed to act good, and right now, WWE's true babyfaces exist only in developmental. Even still, both Sami Zayn and Bayley have plenty of time to be ruined by WWE's perception of how a hero should act. However, a more simplistic definition of face and heel can be derived simply by who gets cheered and who gets booed. Frankly, this definition is more practical for usage when discussing mainstream wrestling because despite everyone in the company acting like a classical, heel, some get cheered while others get booed.

Nothing can exist in a vacuum; that bumper ad with the empty arena drives that point home as well as anything produced by a wrestling company could. The question becomes a chicken/egg scenario (at least that scenario before Neil deGrasse Tyson came along and played party-pooper by answering it scientifically); does WWE write its heroes to be assholes because the crowd wants them to, or has the crowd settled into cheering for scoundrels because WWE has conditioned them to expect a battle royale of bad people in different degrees of scandal?

Rich Thomas posits the theory that the former is the case, that the real heels in WWE's version of pro wrestling are the ones who populate the seats. Cena videotapes Guerrero because the fans misogynistically think that because she's shrill and does mean things that her right to privacy is null and void. Laurinaitis has no room for error because he reminds everyone of the bumbling middle manager at their place of employment. Nikki Bella is bad because she associates with a corporate weasel, and the corporate weasels Triple H and Stephanie McMahon deserve scorn without boundaries because they have the money and the power. Rusev can do everything right, but because jingoistic fans are conditioned to think "MURCA," he'll always be wrong. This theory is tantalizing because enough studies have been done on crowd behavior to show that throngs of people can be influenced easily by charismatic and influential people no matter how in the right they are.

Of course, the only way that this theory can be tested is if WWE radically shifts its narrative policy. If tomorrow everyone who was supposed to be a babyface and a heel showed up and acted their parts without note of how the crowd had traditionally acted towards them, and their actions became consistent across a long period of time, then the fans' proclivities could be monitored. The alignment of the Universe could be better gauged, and it could be determined whether WWE's shows are mostly filled with good or bad people.

Then again, WWE is "nothing" without its fans; the company admitted as much when it filmed Bryan going out into the empty arena for advertisement. Maybe the brass knows something that writers like me don't. Maybe WWE realizes its fans are, by and large, terrible people, and that folks who want babyface and good guy to be synonymous are fewer and further between than I am comfortable with. Certainly, it would explain why the babyfaces in WWE act like spoiled manchildren at the very best, wouldn't it?
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I Listen So You Don't Have To: Steve Austin Show Ep. 159

October 15, 2014, 4:30 am
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Austin answers listener calls
Photo Credit: WWE.com
If you're new, here's the rundown: I listen to a handful of wrestling podcasts each week. Too many, probably, though certainly not all of them. In the interest of saving you time — in case you have the restraint to skip certain episodes — the plan is to give the bare bones of a given show and let you decide if it’s worth investing the time to hear the whole thing. There are better wrestling podcasts out there, of course, but these are the ones in my regular rotation that I feel best fit the category of hit or miss. If I can save other folks some time, I'm happy to do so.

Show: Steve Austin Show
Episode: 159
Run Time: 1:11:34
Guest: None

Summary: Stone Cold takes calls and answers questions. Among other topics, he talks about some of his worst matches, breaks down some of the current storytelling and character development surrounding the Shield triumvirate as well as Cesaro, why he didn’t work with Hulk Hogan or Goldberg, a nonsequential arc covering his 1997 SummerSlam encounter with Owen Hart, the effect Survivor Series 1997 had on his character’s future with WWF and then the WrestleMania XIV main event, addresses (again) the comeback rumors, talks up Brock Lesnar and ends with a somewhat random chat about the country music scene.

Quote of the week:“I’m really, really happy now with the schedule that I’m keeping. I just got finished shooting 30 days of Redneck Island. I’ve got six more days off before rolling right into production on Broken Skull Challenge. I’m going to have about two months where I go down to South Texas for deer season and manage my deer herd, and then I’ve got a project on the down low that I can’t talk about that we’re going to roll into around February. So I don’t see that I have time in my schedule or the desire to climb back in the ring and start taking bumps again.”

Why you should listen: Especially compared to many recent episodes, this is a fast-paced show with hardly any wasted time. Austin works in about a dozen callers, most keep the chit-chat to a minimum and let Stone Cold do his thing. Some of the territory is familiar to those who’ve never missed a second of the first 158 episodes, but this is a decent primer for newcomers. And the brief conversations with his fans help humanize Austin in a way different from his self-deprecating stories, which usually involve bathroom humor.

Why you should skip it: A few callers don’t understand the way call-in shows work (this is a question-and-answer session, not a conversation), and that gets annoying. You might not find Austin’s diversions into the Cleveland sports scene and country music endearing. You’ve definitely heard the Austin-Owen-Foley popcorn story a time or two, and this is not his best retelling of that incident.

Final thoughts: I much preferred this show to an episode where Austin responds to listener emails. Simply having the caller’s voice and energy breaks up the monotony, even if the tradeoff is a bit of audible hero worship. I’m definitely interested in how Thursday’s episode pans out — Austin has already recorded himself watching his WrestleMania X-7 main event against the Rock, cutting in his commentary while occasionally excerpting some of the play by play and color work from Jim Ross and Paul Heyman. For both types of show Austin needs access to the Podcast One studio technology, so there’s a chance the next several weeks (when he’s on location and later at the ranch) could be just as spotty as his recent Georgia work. So I guess let’s enjoy this week while we have it and hope for the best going forward.
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Your Midweek Links: Kharma Speaks

October 15, 2014, 6:30 am
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Kharma/Amazing Kong sat down for an interview
Photo Credit: WWE.com
It's hump day, so here are some links to get you through the rest of the week:

Wrestling Links:

- The Only Way Is Suplex Interviews Kharma [Part 1|Part 2]

- The Best and Worst of RAW: Chrisley Knows Best and Worst [With Spandex]

- WWE Reportedly Announces 40 Man Rumble, Here Are Five Predictions [Wrassle Rap]

- Ten WWE Superstars Who Had Near-Death Experiences [What Culture]

- Where's the Beast? Why No Lesnar Makes No Sense [TJR Wrestling]

- The Best and Worst of Impact Wrestling: This Spud's For You [With Spandex]

- The Best and Worst of TNA Wrestling's Bound for Glory 2014 [With Spandex]

- Best of the Ethan Carter III UPROXX Discussion [With Spandex]

- Pro Wrestling's Nike Obsession [SB Nation]

- Who Was That Bad News Brown Anyway? [4CR Wrestling]

- Wrassle Classic: Don Muraco Squashes an Opponent While Eating a Meatball Sub [Wrassle Rap]

- Your Guide to Wrestling Podcasts [Critical Winking]

Non-Wrestling Links:

- Who We Talk About When Athletes Are Accused of Sexual Assault [VICE Sports]

- What Is Gamer Gate and Why? An Explainer for Non-Geeks [Gawker]

- Stop Supporting Gamer Gate [The Verge]

- Local Chicago Man Would Like Women to Smile, Accept His Advances [Jezebel]

- In Cases Like Casey Skowron, It's Time for the Silent Majority to Get Vocal Against Lowlife Fans [CFB Huddle]

- Monday Morning Jerkface, Week Six [The Footbawl Blog]

- The Case Against Cinematic Universes [Gamma Squad]

- 22 Charles Dance Roles You May Have Forgotten About [Film Drunk]

- 33 Crazy Predictions for the NBA Season [Grantland]

- No, the NBA's New TV Contract Doesn't Mean There Will Be A Work Stoppage [VICE Sports]

- Total Idiots Offended by Conflict Kitchen Featuring Palestinian Food [Kitchenette]

- Great Moments in Horrible Cocktail Failures [Deadspin]

- New York Times Op-Ed Declares Brunch for Jerks [Jezebel]

- How to Braise a Big Chuck Roast and Stave Off Scurvy [Foodspin]

- The Best of Bad ST. Louis Cardinals Writing [SB Nation]

- Oskar Blues Old Chub Does Canned Scotch Ale from Colorado Proud [The Concourse]

- My Son Will Never Believe DMX Was Once One of Rap's Greats [The Smoking Section]
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Search

Guest Post: Kris Travis Needs Your Help

October 15, 2014, 8:30 am
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He's got cancer. Give him a hand, alright?
Photo/Graphics via Preston City Wrestling site
Kieran Shiach is a podcast personality, certified WrestleBro, and one of the most rabid members of the English branch of the Chikarmy. You can find him on the Have a Nice Day Podcast, but with this post, he has a special plea to help out an indie wrestler in England who has recently disclosed a nasty cancer diagnosis. Note, because he is from England, all superfluous "u"s have been kept intact.

The first time I saw Kris Travis wrestle was around a year ago. As part of TIDAL Championship Wrestling’s debut tour, he teamed with Martin Kirby (known together as Project Ego) to take on Mark Haskins and Ring of Honor’s Adam Cole. When Haskins and Cole came out, the fans noticed a great similarity between the two men, and started chanting “ARE YOU TWINS?!” For the rest of the match, the crowd, the referee and all four men in the ring treated Haskins as Cole and Cole as Haskins. It was a unique, unplanned, hilarious addition to the match enabled by four skilled improvisers and great wrestlers.

Since then, I’ve become aware of Travis as one of the UK’s top talents. I’ve lost count of the amount of shows he’s stolen, but there’s two more that stand out. In March of this year, he faced the former IWGP Junior Heavyweight Champion, Prince Devitt. The two put on a world class match, literally. As in it would fit in at any top promotion from around the world you can think of (and Preston City Wrestling will no doubt soon be in that list). The match was so good that PCW owner immediately scrapped the plans he had for Travis in April and booked a rematch, and I was lucky enough to see that as well.

On Saturday, Kris Travis revealed he has been battling stomach cancer. He had a tumour removed as well as as significant portion of his stomach. He now has 18 weeks of chemo to endure, but remains positive he can beat the cancer.

Unfortunately, while he’s not wrestling, he’s not making any money but the international wrestling community has showered him with love and support. Martin Kirby and PCW both set-up fundraisers, and have raised over £2800 each as of writing, and PCW are holding a benefit show in January with all proceeds going to Travis. Other promotions such as Southside, TIDAL and Revolution Pro are undertaking their own fundraising activities. Fans are even donating consoles and video games to keep the housebound Travis entertained while he battles the illness.

As sad as it is that one of the UK’s brightest stars as been waylaid with such a serious illness, the response from the wrestling community has been heartwarming. Tweets have been pouring in from his peers around the world. Mick Foley, Chris Jericho, Diamond Dallas Page, are just some of the international names sharing support, as well as friends such a Paige, Devitt and Grado.

Kris Travis is a contestant on TNA: British Boot Camp 2, which debuts this week on Challenge in the UK. If you have a bit of spare money this month, and want to contribute to a great cause. Please head to any of these links.

Martin Kirby’s IndieGoGo Fundraiser
Preston City Wrestling’s IndieGoGo Fundraiser
Preston City Wrestling’s store
Preston City Wrestling: Shooting Star on January 23rd, 2015
Southside Wrestling’s Fundraiser
Pro Wrestling Elite’s Fundraiser
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Pro Wrestling SKOOPS on The Wrestling Blog: Issue 5

October 15, 2014, 12:35 pm
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What kind of news dropped this week? FIND OUT BELOW
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Well, well, well, lookit who has returned again this week to give you all the hot NUGGETS of wrestling news that the Surgeon General DEMANDS that you have. It is I, HORB FLERBMINBER, and I am here on The Wrestling Blog spinning to you all the most pertinent news and eXXXclusive scoops that you can't find anywhere else on the 'Net. Dave Meltzer wishes he got the scoops I did. Wade Keller would eat pond scum if it meant he could fish for news like I can. WALTER CRONKITE DIED BECAUSE HE WASN'T HALF THE NEWSMAN I WAS. You are tuned into the right place at the right time for NEWS and SCOOPS.

Firstly, I can't get the news TO YOU without tipsters. I have an expansive and all-encompassing network of SOURCES, REPORTERS, and TATTLETALES. However, this network needs to continue to GROW and FLOURISH, mainly because so many of my sources mysteriously disappear each week. Are they assassinated by jealous dirt sheet writers who hate me for my scoops? Have their identities been compromised by Vince McMahon's SECRET POLICE? HAS PRESIDENT OBAMA HAULED THEM OFF TO FEMA DEATH CAMPS? No one may ever know. However, if you are bold enough to replace them, you can send all your juicy tips, hot gossip, and kinky rumors to ProWrestlingSKOOPZ@gmail.com. Also, you MUST follow me on Twitter, where I dispense up to the FEMTOSECOND scoops at @HorbFlerbminber. I am so fast with scoops that The Flash feels inadequate and sluggish in comparison.

And of course, if you need to hear scoops ON THE PHONE in my soothing dulcet baritone voice, then you need to call the HORB FLERBMINBER PRO WRESTLING SKOOPZ HOT HOT HOTLINE at (916) 985-2561. I have all the hottest, most barely legal scoops that you can get without breaking federal law. Which wrestler recently waved his dick in front of a window at the Butte, MT Curves? How many wrestlers have tried to catch ebola to get out of their TNA contracts? WHO SHOT A MAN IN RENO JUST TO WATCH THEM DIE? You can find this out ONLY by calling my hotline.

Speaking of ebola, I am selling vaccines as a side business right now. These vaccines are hot off the presses, and they're so new, even the FDA hasn't gotten a chance to approve them yet! Developer Victor Conte has assured me this vaccine will work, and that its side effects are absolutely positive. Not only will you NOT catch the DEADLY ebola virus, but you will be able to tone up your abs and give you that competitive edge. Plus, it was tested EXCLUSIVELY on animals so you know it's safe.

Also, I have a special offer available for INSIDER MEMBERS ONLY. If you have access to my INSIDER CONTENT that you can only register for HERE, then you can access my NO HOLDS BARRED interview with WWE Executive Vice President of Television Production, KEVIN DUNN. I ask him all the hard questions, and because he was such a great interview, I took him to the forest and let him gnaw down a couple of trees so as to keep his front teeth sharp. Sitting in the WWE front office doesn't afford him the same opportunities to get out in the wild, and he hasn't even built a dam since 1997. HOW UNFORTUNATE.

Also, be sure to catch my ad on WWE Network for my NEW escort service that features nothing but Greg Valentine impersonators. Have you ever wanted to spend a romantic evening with the former Intercontinental Champion? Did his nickname "The Hammer" ever intrigue you past its implications in the ring? Well, now you can replicate that experience with someone who looks so much like Valentine, you may not know the difference! If you don't believe me, watch the live Network feed at 2 AM Friday morning after the third replay of Superstars to see. You can get an extra 5.7% off your next date if you order with the special, secret, NOT AT ALL OBVIOUS code word that you can only hear on this WWE Network advertisement. Also, if you order a date and the REAL Greg Valentine shows up at your door, you'll win a new* car!

Also, I will be taking preorders for my world-famous Pro Wrestling SKOOPZ Almanac for 2014 starting now. It is a comprehensive look at all the wrestling happenings from the year. I look at all the major promotions like Bellator, UFC, Invicta, ONE Fighting Championships, and World Series of Fighting. I talked to all the top superstars like Chael Sonnen, and I have all the inside looks at the biggest fights and news stories of the year in professional wrestling. I also name all my wrestler and promotional awards, as well as give looks into the future of all the top PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING companies. To preorder, just ask your local steroid dealer, or head over to Stormfront's MMA forum to get all the information. With every preorder made before December 20, you'll get a special advance edition of Bryan Alvarez's Death of WCW printed on toilet paper, so you can wipe your ass with quality while reading my book on the john.

If you want back issues of Pro Wrestling SKOOPZ, then you should get in contact with me through back channels, as I'm afraid all the normal channels are being WATCHED right now by the Illuminati. I'm not sure which Illuminati is watching, however, since every Southern indie wrestling company has a stable named the Illuminati right now, but either way, I don't want to risk it. Anyway, if you're missing out on ESSENTIAL back issues, you're going to want to get in on that now, especially for the following issues, of which fewer than ten copies remain APIECE:
  • 4/20/1865 - I take a look at the accusations that the National Wrestling Alliance had President and World Heavyweight Champion Abraham Lincoln murdered because he wouldn't drop the strap at the big Dayton, OH show in May against Jefferson Davis. Also, for some reason, Rob van Dam has an interview here talking about his love of marijuana on 4/20, even though he won't have been born yet for another 105 years.
  • 9/16/1926 - I break down the thrilling Frank Gotch/Strangler Lewis match from the Polo Grounds, the only match in history I ever gave SIX stars to, which featured a 12 hour headlock and several fans falling asleep around the midway point. THOSE CRETINS DIDN'T DESERVE THAT KIND OF PSYCHOLOGY. Also, I take a look at how Verne Gagne was mishandling the wrestling territory he was running in his bassinet.
  • 1/6/1983 - I give an inside look at the Hart Family Dungeon with quotes from Stu Hart, Tom Billington, and the gimp that the Harts had chained in the corner for, ahem, favors.
  • 8/31/1995 - I analyze why the Hulk Hogan/Dungeon of Doom feud was going to revolutionize the business and carry WCW into halcyon glory days that would last for a thousand years. I'm going to level with you guys on that one, I think I struck out with that analysis. But you can get a coupon for a free Grand Slam at Denny's that for some reason isn't set to expire until March of 2016.
  • 8/23/2007 - The Life and Times of the Missing Link, my thickest issue yet.
Additionally, I have an entire storage unit of microfiche I'm looking to unload. Make me an offer, I'll take anything that can help towards getting a healthy supply of baked beans from Sam's Club. Just warning you, these films have nothing to do with wrestling. They were part of a botched library heist where my crack team of bandits from Patagonia mistook me saying that I wanted the Michaelangelo statue on display for microfiche.

Also, I will be appearing on the next episode of Talk Is Jericho, where I will.... ahahaha, nah, just kidding, that show's fucking lame.

I have also been named the OFFICIAL journalist and recruiter for the Bullet Club, the hottest stable to occur in wrestling ever, and a billionfold improvement over the nWo because it's happening in NEW JAPAN PRO WRESTLING. They told me that since they let Jeff Jarrett in, they might as well let anyone who wants in as well, so if you send me your resume, a headshot, and $40 worth of scratch off tickets from the states of Pennsylvania, Georgia, Michigan, or Hawaii, you will get your very own Bullet Club t-shirt, and Bad Luck Fale will appear at your next birthday party or social function. Also, you get to throw things at Prince Devitt and not get thrown out of the arena.

Also, I am pleased to announce that I will be sponsoring a fun run in Whitehorse, YT on November 20. The first annual HORB FLERBMINBER FUN IN THE SUN RUN will be rain or shine, and you're suggested to show up in short shorts and a tank top. The winner gets a free, one week subscription to my premium site and a chance to meet up with wrestling LEGEND Dennis Stamp.

Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn.

Finally, please check out of your hotel before 11 AM. If you're there even a minute past checkout time, you'll be charged for a full extra day. Unless you're staying at the Horb Arms in Fort Dodge, IA. You'll have to guess the checkout time, and usually, you'll be wrong!

- Nothing of note happened in wrestling this week. No scoops at all to report. Thanks for your time.

* - used
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I Listen So You Don't Have To: The Ross Report Ep. 35

October 16, 2014, 4:30 am
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The man behind this drawing and more was one of Ross' guests this week
Art Credit: Rob Schamberger
If you're new, here's the rundown: I listen to a handful of wrestling podcasts each week. Too many, probably, though certainly not all of them. In the interest of saving you time — in case you have the restraint to skip certain episodes — the plan is to give the bare bones of a given show and let you decide if it’s worth investing the time to hear the whole thing. There are better wrestling podcasts out there, of course, but these are the ones in my regular rotation that I feel best fit the category of hit or miss. If I can save other folks some time, I'm happy to do so.

Show: The Ross Report
Episode: 35
Run Time: 1:34:47
Guest: Brian Shields (29:18), Rob Schamberger (56:30)

Summary: It’s two shows in one this week as JR has separate interviews with Shields, author of 30 Years of WrestleMania, and Schamberger, the renowned wrestling portrait artist — three if you count the unwelcome return of JR’s 25-minute monologue to get things rolling. Both interviews focus on how each man started working with WWE. The talk with Shields tends to stay close to the subject of his career, books and writing in general, while the Schamberger sessions gets more into his dealings with personalities like the Ultimate Warrior and less the nuts and bolts of life as an artist.

Quote of the week: Harris, on life as a writer: “You can’t give up, you can’t take no for an answer. I don’t mean when someone maybe rejects a concept or you don’t get a job you were hoping for, I don’t mean start flipping out and start acting unprofessionally, I mean the idea of getting back at it. … Not every day is going to be a great day. You’re going to have your ups and downs. But you’ve got to stick with it. And if it’s something that you truly love, something that you want to do, that’s part of it.”

Why you should listen: There’s something to be said for the story behind the story, both in the way these creative personalities came to be connected with WWE, as well as the nature of their actual works. With Schamberger it’s easier to see his glorious paintings as the work of a talented individual, but when it comes to written word with the WWE seal of approval it’s easy to assume the author is a corporate stooge tasked only with regurgitating the company line. Harris makes a strong case for his own skills as a writer. Of the two, Schamberger comes off as the more genuine fan. And though he’s not an unexamined character in this medium, he’s a genial subject and a good listen.

Why you should skip it: Remember what I just said about being a corporate stooge? The skeptics out there will listen to Harris and say things like, “Of course Linda McMahon gave you two hours of her time to tell the story she wanted about her company.” Also, his advice to aspiring writers is frustrating. “Just get published, get your foot in the door” is a great concept, but it always leaves the unpublished wondering how to actually find the door with room for a foot. Schamberger has good stories about his interactions with Warrior leading into WrestleMania XXX, but those are only tolerable to the degree the listener is comfortable with their views on Warrior himself.

Final thoughts: I applaud JR for getting outside his comfort zone on this week’s show. Perhaps the fact he wasn’t going to be talking much (or at all) about ring action with his two guests made him feel the need to come back to the monologue, but he again offers predictable commentary on recent WWE shows and stories. That’s his right, as he asserts, because it’s his show, and anyone who doesn’t like it can skip that part or not listen at all. It’s free, after all. But past that, this show is a refreshing change for those who may have grown weary of JR over the last several weeks. I probably won’t be able to say the same about next week’s interview with Mark Madden, so get this fix while you can.
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Best Coast Bias: We HOSS FIGHT On Tuesday Nights

October 16, 2014, 6:30 am
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A welcome renewal of hostilities
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Mae West may've once said too much of a good thing is wonderful, but she wasn't trying to book the biggest professional wrestling game in town in the 21st century, either.

At times it feels like WWE's roster is like the one rich kid in school growing up who not only had all the toys you wanted but some stuff you'd never even heard of that you didn't realize would complete your first grade life until the little sawed off brought it to Show and Tell and left chunks of your brain matter all over the desk. While this is generally great for John Cena and anybody else who ends up either in or on the front lines against the Authority, there's a lot to be desired once the absolute top shelf has been cleared.

Ergo, Main Event. Despite it being a couple of weeks early, this version of WWEME featured not only costumes but a clutch of performers proving they didn't need a belt or to stand across the ring from some "some of these people like me and some of these people don't but that's what they pay for JACK" patter--all they needed was an opportunity at that sweet narcotic known as television time, whether it be on a Tuesday or no.

While there's plenty to talk about, by Wrestling Blog bylaws if this BCB doesn't start with the hoss fight that actually main evented then there will be a swift dismissal and exile to Google Plus. (Ed. Note - The punishment is actually banishment to Ello, which is far worse.) So let's begin at the end, with Rusev and Big E. resuscitating their brief -- well, rivalry isn't the right word. In rivalries, both sides generally win at some point. Let's go with contretemps. While Big E.'s been on the WWE-endorsed corner of the web hanging out with his Super Athletic Friends Kofi Kingston and Xavier Woods, this felt like the first time in quite some that he got some attention as an in-ring performer allowed to show why he became so beloved down Full Sail way and got quite the criminally underrated run as Intercontinental Champion earlier in the year. By the end of the first segger he was garnering Big E chants, probably because he proved out of the gate (as seen above) he could match power and speed with Rusev just as much as anyone else who's gotten in the ring against the Bulgarian expat. It's a difficult thing to pull off a backbreaker against someone of Rusev's carriage or stand in the ring throwing bombs for half a minute and giving just as good as you get against him unless you're the former NXT Champion.

The tide of the match turned when Rusev managed to throw the former Langston into the barrier before giving him a vicious fallaway slam on the floor. Rusev varied up his offense by locking down a couple of front chanceries, using the second one to capitalize on a corner charge that failed Big, but the children kept chanting for him and he kept coming on strong and even managed to get off a couple of belly-to-belly suplexes. But remember: this isn't really a rivalry, so Rusev managed to get up when the Big 747 splash was imminent and snap off a superkick before putting him in the Accolade and eventually making him tap out. Alternating celebrating with selling his back is one of the little things that lead to a big thing like being pretty much undefeated all year long in the case of Mr. Lana and it's deserved. Let us also note while we're in the neighborhood that given something as simple as time even in a losing effort Big E is a superlative talent who's ceiling hasn't even come close to being scratched yet.

Speaking of which, let's go forward by going back to the start of the show. Oh, Michael Mizanin. So perfectly smug, delusional, and eminently punchable. This is probably going to end up being the third iteration of a well-worn 21st century WWE trope: guy is forced to hang out with the Miz for more than 45 seconds in a non-wrestling capacity and suddenly a light goes on over his head and it says "punch this taint-sniffer in the face until security intervenes". The first one gave us Daniel Bryan, bringer of joy, light, and knees to the face. The second one gave us Alex Riley, who had a really awesome theme. This time it gives us Damien Sandow, finally alighting upon a home in his epic Steveian closet of dopplegangery by being a D-lister to a C-lister. It took a while, but the crowd seems to be catching on and getting behind him. It even continued on another episode of MizTV, as Miz did the whole "let me bring my future opponent out here" spiel only to unveil Sandowmus in a fake dyed orange beard and eyebrows and a possibly a Beaker wig or a Shamwow. Sandowmus only upped the cartoon hearts by hurting himself when he pounded against his own chest before speaking in a so-horrible-you-can't-even-tell-what-country-he's-supposed-to-be-from accent and sneaking in a cheap pop for himself by being an awesome stunt double; his boss told him not to improv.

All this fauxness was destined to draw out the real thing, so once the US Champion arrived Sandow--stood next to Sheamus and kept acting like him. The moment Sheamus stopped talking to look at him, D immediately looked to his left as if there was someone he was shutting up. While Miz was busy being aggravating in response to Sheamus' Paler Cena antics, the former World Champion and former Intellectual Savior continued the stop-and-go bit successfully three more random times. If you think this sort of thing is easy, you try it. Ask the Roots. Ask James Brown's old band members. It was the rarest of birds: WWE comedy that would actually draw genuine laughter out of the viewer. Of course, that moment ended when Sheamus said he was into the homage and since Shamien Mizdowus failed to leave the ring he got clotheslined and Brogue Kicked. See, Miz, it's slapstick humor. SLAPstick. You see? Most interestingly, the crowd gave the sudden clothesline a mixed reaction, then when he posed in the ring with the genuine artifact Championship and not the replica totem Team Hollywood had been toting he got a reaction, but it wasn't the reaction he got for coming out. It can be argued elsewhere the fans are the heels, but at least this crowd on this night was pro both Sheamus and Sandow, and the former laying out the latter opened up a humane schism that left the only hated man the one who it should be: The Miz.

The rest of the show wasn't much, to be honest: Cesaro took a bit too long to Neutralize Justin Gabriel in a showcase, and Tyson Kidd's myopicness about his significant other led him to lose to R-Truth of all people. But sometimes when the bread is fine brioche fresh out of the oven, it's okay if the meat isn't filet mignon.

We'll know they're onto us if we start seeing #FreeSandow, though.
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Twitter Request Line, Vol. 96

October 16, 2014, 2:15 pm
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Why take his side in any wrestler dispute?
Photo Credit: WWE.com
It's Twitter Request Line time, everyone! I take to Twitter to get questions about issues in wrestling, past and present, and answer them on here because 140 characters can't restrain me, fool! If you don't know already, follow me @tholzerman, and wait for the call on Wednesday to ask your questions. Hash-tag your questions #TweetBag, and look for the bag to drop Thursday morning (most of the time). Without further ado, here are your questions and my answers!

I notice this annoying phenomenon all the time from people who probably don't even mean to toady for a megalithic corporate entity that needs amateur quality control enforcement as much as I need a fecal transplant. However, it is not at all common to pro wrestling. How else could the Republican party run on a platform of protecting the lax taxation of the super rich and not get all out revolt from the poorest members of its voting public? It's all about promoting an atmosphere of desire and opportunity. The only thing is that instead of defending Republican brass on the slight chance that maybe you'll be rich one day, stans for the McMahon family don't really have a whole lot of personal gain that could be brought through their defense. Okay, so you're going to stick up for a monolithic corporation over someone who actually experienced the treatment behind the scenes. What's the benefit? Do these people think WWE is going to push their favorite wrestler if they defend the company in a public forum? I just don't get it either.

The more I think about it, the more I think War Games should stay in the past. I don't trust a Vince McMahon-led company to do a WCW creation justice, and no other company stateside has the budget to do one right. Japanese or Mexican companies probably could do it, but I don't watch as much of non-American promotions as others do. But if I could set one up, it would be in NXT, weaving together some current and older rivalries. On team one, captained by Sami Zayn with teammates Hideo Itami, Finn Balor, and Sho Funaki would lead the charge against the rough rogues on Adrian Neville's team, where he's seconded by Konor, Viktor, and whatever the name generator spits out for Kevin Steen. That environment could use a signature match for its own, and it has the roster to pull it off. Now the only question would remain whether or not Full Sail University could fit two rings in it.

Normally, I would laugh and say that the company won't be back for its season premiere, but TNA is in many ways the cockroach of wrestling companies. Any report that portends its demise should be taken with several grains of salt, and I will believe it is out of business when a report comes out and plainly states it. Anyway, it would be interesting to see how the narrative structure would end up resembling if a long period of time between airdates for Impact were to occur because of a lapse in television contract. Let's say that Impact goes to another network comparable in size to Spike TV, and it retains the same ratings and similar gates, then maybe other companies would be emboldened to take a month off here and a month off there.

Of course, the data's going to be skewed because the only network comparable in size to Spike TV that will likely pick up Impact is Spike TV. If TNA changes networks, it's going to go smaller because it is damaged goods. So the question would be whether the forced offseason would be representative of what a true offseason would be. I guess everyone's gonna have to wait and see on this.

The next time WWE promotes a marriage, it should be performed in the Cell. Why would the need for the structure be there? Why does WWE need a reason to do anything? Anyway, Heaven in a Cell would be ridiculous, sublime, and memorable.

Well, the ill-fated Wrestling Retribution Project was going to try, but of course, no one will know whether it would have worked because Jeff Katz is worse than Dr. Dre at delivering on a promised product. Sure, Detox has been in the works for awhile, but at least Dre gave the world Beats headphones. What has Katz ever given the wrestling fandom he took money from? But I digress.

I would give a Netflix-based wrestling service a shot, sure, but I am skeptical as to whether it can work on a large basis. Wrestling is more entertainment than sport up and down, but it feels like the rare form of art that needs to be presented LIKE a sport with a date of origin attached to it more than anything that isn't a sport. The live event-atmosphere barrier feels like one that'll take a lot of energy to overcome, but never say never, I suppose.

Marvel and DC are the two biggest comic companies for two different reasons. While Marvel has its stars, its lure is more the strength in the ensemble, while DC is powered by its Big Three while getting support from the rest of the roster. Of course, comic nerds will chime in and remind me that Green Lantern was the hottest thing in the comic universe for a hot second, but traditionally, Batman, Superman, and Wonder Woman are the breadwinners. Marvel, however, doesn't really have a singularly iconic hero. Yes, Spider-Man comes closest, but is he more notable than the X-Men? Or the Avengers? Fantastic Four? Captain America by himself? Think of DC like the Miami Heat and Marvel like the San Antonio Spurs.

With that in mind, what iconic woman superheroes are on Marvel's roster? Sue Storm/The Invisible Woman, Rogue, and Storm are probably the A-listers historically, and up-and-comers include Miss/Captain Marvel and the new Thor. But right now, Black Widow, who isn't so much a superhero as much as she's a kickass civilian with hella tech. Sounds a lot like Batman, right? Black Widow is my answer. She's still no Wonder Woman, because WW is in a class by herself, but she's the closest thing Marvel has, and she's the best bet for a superheroine to carry her own box office movie right now.

I don't think I can follow the "no repeat superstars" rule because the best Hell in a Cell matches are centered around like three wrestlers (Triple H, Mick Foley, Undertaker). And the ratio of good HiaC matches to overall in the milieu is low. So, this mini-mix tape will have five matches that I think encapsulate the gimmick:
  1. Undertaker vs. Mankind, King of the Ring 1998 - The third match in the series is when it really arrived. I wish Foley didn't have to nearly fall to his death to make the match, but que sera sera, I suppose.
  2. Triple H (c) vs. Cactus Jack, WWE Championship, No Way Out 2000 - Foley made Triple H, and this match was the crowning jewel on that rise that was deflated somewhat when Trips anticlimactically retained the title at WrestleMania the next month.
  3. Brock Lesnar (c) vs. The Undertaker, WWE Championship, No Mercy 2002 - I remember being in a tizzy when it was reported that Taker "wasn't feeling" putting Lesnar over the month before, but it made this match, with its gore and brutality, feel even more important when he finally did.
  4. Shawn Michaels and Triple H vs. Cody Rhodes and Ted DiBiase, Jr., Hell in a Cell 2009 - I was shocked at this match's quality, but the young guys kept up with the veterans in this one. Or was it the old guys being able to keep up with the youngsters? Either way, I dug it a lot.
  5. CM Punk (c) vs. Ryback, WWE Championship Match, Hell in a Cell 2012 - I might catch hell for putting this one on here, but it was Punk's magnum opus as a chickenshit heel. The cell also played to Ryback's strengths a lot. It wasn't as long as some of the other more famous matches, but maybe that fact works in its favor.

Sorry, I was just caught in a landslide with no escape from reality.

The worst case scenario that doesn't involve Bryan retiring for good is probably Shawn Michaels. The Heartbreak Kid went away after WrestleMania XIV in March/April 1998. He didn't return until June of 2002, an absence of four years. He left at the top of his game, albeit embattled in his personal life, and came back to break off yet another critically-acclaimed portion of his career that some observers feel is better than the first two-thirds of his run. Bryan, obviously, has no substance abuse problems to deal with, but his injuries seem to be more extensive. So, if he comes back, he'll be back sooner than you'll have settled down into domestic life. Honestly, I think he'll be back in time for SummerSlam next year in the wake of the latest news about his required surgeries. But

I would have him pass it along to either Hideo Itami or Finn Balor just to see the reactions from the peanut gallery, but then again, Itami would probably rock the shit out of a spinarooni, wouldn't he?

I actually don't think the venue was a rib on Russo. If WWE had booked that match to happen in New York, his native town, or even Nashville or Orlando, a shot at a company that Russo put more time in as an employee than WWE or WCW combined, I would probably give more credence to that theory. Instead, I chalk it up to WWE booking continuing in a nonsensical, throw-shit-against-the-wall pattern it's been in since around Battleground. In fact, I would say WWE more closely resembles death spiral-era WCW than any other company in existence right now, at least the main narrative does. NXT is a universe unto itself.

The irony here is that Vince McMahon, with no more worlds to conquer, isn't like Alexander the Great. He's not shedding a tear because he's got nothing left to destroy. Instead, he's continuing the battle against WCW as a propaganda and revisionist history war. McMahon seems to me to be the kind of guy who will hold a grudge until his deathbed unless the victim of that grudge can make him money. Bret Hart "screwed" him at Survivor Series 1997 (in his mind, not in reality, which I remind you BRET HART DID NOTHING WRONG), but fans would pay money to see him not only as part of WWE's family again, but to kick McMahon's ass from here to Calgary and back. Jeff Jarrett, conversely, pissed McMahon off but has really no potential to make him money. So no, Jarrett is stuck trying to strike out on his own.

With WCW, McMahon can make money, but in a way where he can totally continue to heap shit upon the company's legacy. You want a retrospective of the one time WWE got its ass handed to it? Sure, but you get it with an insanely pro-WWE slant. You want WCW nostalgia on shows? Great, but you're only getting shit like Shockmaster or reminder that there was something in WWE that was "better." WCW documentaries? Only with Mike Graham and other bitter ex-employees saying how much of a shitmire it was. Unfortunately, that attitude isn't going to change unless Triple H and Stephanie McMahon are a bit kinder to history than Papa Vince is. It's what happens when an egomaniacal sociopath-cum-businessman hits it big in a given industry, especially one that gives as much license to rewrite history as wrestling does.

Sami Zayn has been ready to work the main roster since AT LEAST the episode of NXT from 2013 where he went three falls with Antonio Cesaro. That match showed he was ready to join the rest of the crew working long matches on a regular basis in the WWE milieu, and he'd already shown a natural, boyish charm in interviews. I don't know what WWE's waiting for. He can beat the hump that has been placed in front of wrestlers like Adam Rose or Bo Dallas.

As for Amore, I'm not sure if his gimmick can work, but I think he can adapt. Well, let me put it this way. I don't think his gimmick can be nurtured by a WWE creative team that can't write episodically or allow a guy to riff on a microphone to a crowd of any size. However, the dude is magnetic, and he'll adapt. I am not worried about him as much as I am about Tyler Breeze or the Ascension.

St. Louis residents do, I guess. Other than longtime Cardinal fans though, my guess is only Satan, crusty old white sportswriters who love "playing the game the right way," and Vladimir Putin want the Cards to win.

The simple reason is because Flair was the man, and then Sting showed up and got all this adulation. Why? Over a draw. He didn't beat Flair, he just went the distance with him. And because wrestling is a far pettier world than fictional boxing, Flair never got over it, especially since Sting bumbled and stumbled his way through a career instead of becoming WCW's answer to Hulk Hogan.

Nothing anymore. Do you think WWE is going to waste Rocky on a shitty little podunk where he's never been to? Either that, or Rock is like the Christian representation of God and is EVERYWHERE AT THE SAME TIME so this question doesn't apply.

I really don't think I've read ten biographies or non-fiction books, to be honest. However, I'd say my favorite non-wrestling book probably doesn't count because it's more a compilation of columns and writings. Bill Simmons'Now I Can Die in Peace was a fascinating read into the mind of a long-suffering Red Sox fan.

I've seen her do both in Chikara. She was a foreboding villain as a member of the BDK, but who played the role of folk hero better than she did in the last five years? Icarus since early last year is a candidate, but del Rey not only filled a long-time demand, but she did it well enough to warrant getting a run at the top before she was plucked to run boot camp down at the Performance Center.
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