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Instant Feedback: Bryan Used Helping Hand

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It's not the dynamic WWE deserves, but it's the dynamic that WWE needs
Photo Credit: WWE.com
WWE has had a habit of pushing Daniel Bryan into unnatural directions, especially as a hero. Of course, the company's best good guys can be punishing dicks, and tomes have been written about its abandonment of the babyface ethic as known to traditional fans. However, the dickery around Bryan's character development has always felt wronger because of what he represented and how WWE decided to ram his square body into the round, Austin-shaped hole. He was always too beautiful to be a rebellious antihero, and when given the same mantel as Steve Austin or The Rock, that beauty warped into a plasticine caricature, every bit as puerile and self-entitled as a spoiled toddler.

Bryan's sweet spot has always been as a ragtag underdog, embracing qualities such as honesty and earnestness. He may not have had looked the part of an A-plus player, but every opponent who tried to disprove his pedigree was met with a hyperextended arm or a knee-sized welt in the face. That ethos never had much of a chance to bubble to the surface, because as soon as Bryan was chosen for duty as the main foil of the Authority's chosen scion Randy Orton, he was placed in verbal tete-a-tete with Stephanie McMahon, and when casual misogyny is passed off as legitimate narrative commentary, then no one wins, especially not the one spewing it.

Funny how things work out, however, as Bryan finally was able to unleash his inner '69 Mets, and it was as a burnt offering to the Altar of Reigns. At Fast Lane, he laid down the Solid Knee Plus, as Roman Reigns was the first wrestler I can think of to kick out of the move that even put down John goddamn Cena. Tonight, he threw his words on the fire, which I'm sure rankled a good bit of the people already sick of the perceived overpush to the statuesque heir apparent to the throne. But it worked to a point. Pairing Bryan and Reigns together may not be the worst idea, even if the endgame isn't a knife in the back from one to the other (most logically, Bryan is the one stabbing in this scenario).

Friendship should be one of the most good guy things out there. In WWE parlance, that has almost never been the case, but fans seem bored, almost at the brink of revolt against what "has worked" in WWE historically. They may not be receptive to the idea of Mega Powers 2K15 right now, but the thing about Bryan isn't so much that he's an overnight sensation as he's a product of a long journey. He didn't end up in the main event of WrestleMania XXX because the his base just found out about him as the new hotness and demanded change.

His most ardent fans were there from the moment he was on Memphis television, feuding with William Regal. Each stop he made along the way let on new fans. Ring of Honor. Pro Wrestling Guerrilla. Japan. England. When he got to NXT, he was arguably the only guy other than Wade Barrett who was over despite being given the shittiest draw, and even when he was enhancing Sin Cara on a week to week basis, his train kept swelling with new passengers. Everything about his career has been about patience, so what's a month to let him be Reigns' hype man and get him ready for Mania?

Bryan's antagonism and uneasy friendship has been a humanizing quality for Reigns, and the more the former is able to convey his feelings, the more the latter will benefit from it, even if he continues to vacillate between two facial expressions that are the same in essence. In the same vein, Reigns, the emotionless slab of granite he is, was able to bring out a sense of earnestness and honesty from Bryan. When he described the boos and the haters and how much he was with them before Fast Lane, Bryan was almost imbued with the spirit of the Holy Dust. If Reigns' true value in the WWE narrative is to bring out the Best Possible Bryan, then he should have a roster spot for life.

But will bringing out the best in another wrestler be enough for him to be able to headline WrestleMania? When left to spar with Paul Heyman alone, Reigns acquitted himself remarkably well for someone who was taking Vince McMahon-written fractured fairy tales and turning them into even ranker compost only two months prior. Hope exists on that front, but is it too little, too late? The next five weeks are going to be long, because WrestleMania season always feels like the most arduous journey between special events.

But at least Reigns should have an able sherpa by his side. It's not the role that many want for Bryan right now, but it's the role that WWE needs for him if McMahon's tunnel vision can't be overcome by anyone else in his inner circle. While a results-oriented point of view may be disappointed this Mania season, at least the artistic-oriented POV can have some satisfaction if things play out the way they did tonight.

Who To Know for the TWB 100: Danny Cannon

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Danny Cannon had a high-energy 2014, and you should take notice of it
Photo via Pro Fight DB
Another year is in the books, so another round of evaluating and ranking wrestlers is looming on the horizon. The TWB 100 will be happening again this year, and while the announcement will not come until the first or second week of March, it doesn't mean you don't have to worry about your ballot until then. Perhaps you feel secure in your ballot right now, but odds are, wrestlers exist who are off your radar that could use a little studying up upon. I am here to help you with your homework in that department.

Wrestler: Danny Cannon

Who Is He?: Cannon burst into the national consciousness in 2014, but before then, he was a mainstay in the Mid-South/Midwest scenes, primarily in IWA Mid-South and the like. He got a shot to run in Beyond Wrestling in February, making the most of it by wowing the crowd at two secret shows on Feeding Frenzy weekend as well as a four-way at the main Fete card. He unfortunately got injured after that, and has since retired from wrestling sadly. However, he has teased coming back at some points, so never say never for the future.

What's His Deal?: Cannon is a high-energy wrestler who has nearly unlimited stores of energy that manifests itself not only in actual wrestling, but in constant nervous movements while he's not engaged. He takes big high spots, bumps huge, and loves to throw fast, stiff kicks. He will tire his opponent out before he tires himself out, and his matches more often than not are high intensity and high excitement.

Why You Should Consider Him For Your Ballot: Cannon definitely may not be for everyone, but I think his take on wrestling is not only exciting but different. He may not sell in traditional ways, but the way his character is set up isn't necessarily built for traditional wrestling. He's like an energy drink in human form, and that makes for some electrifying things that always seem to have context, even if that context is nontraditional. His work at the Feeding Frenzy secret shows is enough to get him noticed, but he has some gems on YouTube from IWA Mid-South and Evolution Pro Wrestling that will hammer the point home that he's not only someone who should be watched and ranked, but appreciated, especially since his career right now seems to be unfortunately over.

Matches to Watch:

vs. Reed Bentley, Evolution Pro Wrestling Crossing State Lines, 1/4


vs. Jay Freddie, Beyond Wrestling Feeding Frenzy Secret Show #1, 2/14


Previous Entries:Timothy Thatcher, Heidi Lovelace, Vordell Walker, Andy Dalton, Mickie Knuckles

AAPW The Stars Are Born Review

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Graphics via AAPW Facebook Page
For those that do not know, America’s Academy of Pro Wrestling (or AAPW) is a wrestling school based out of the Austin, Texas area (technically located in Pflugerville, TX) that have produced some of Texas’ biggest rising stars such as Barbi Hayden (former NWA World Women’s Champion) and Carson (multiple title holder in a variety of companies) run by Ray Campos and George de la Isla. If you or anyone you know is interested (aged 14 and up) in becoming a professional wrestler, I can’t think of a better place to begin that path than with AAPW. For more information, you can call (512) 448-5858 or visit them on Facebook. They have training from 7pm-11pm Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, then on select Saturdays it’s 1pm-4pm. Give them a call!

Now, as for this show, it is their first since sometime in 2014 (I don’t know exactly when), but it’s basically their first show with these batch of students, in as far as you or I know. It should be noted that my wife is a student of this school and there may or may not be about 5000 words just gushing about her participation, because I could not be more proud of someone as I am of Sam. I’m kidding of course (about the 5000 words), as I’m planning to be as impartial and fair as possible when writing about AAPW.

I also have not attended a single training session, so I did not know what to expect. The only thing I ever hear about are what Samantha tells me, which does not really give you a super clear indication of everyone’s abilities. So, I went in blind and that was the perfect way to do it, I think. To be honest, because the majority of the matches were put on by people with not a whole lot of experience, I set my expectations lower than I would say, Inspire Pro, for obvious reasons.

What we have are a lot more gimmicks, like cowboys, Russians, Irishmen, Iraqis, pirates, and the like, which is different than what you’re typically used to seeing these days. It’s usually a lot of people with just regular names who are just men and women wrestling (and slapping their thighs a lot). So, with that out of the way, let’s talk about the show itself, shall we?

Quinten Lynch vs. Kody Krash

The crowd was much bigger than I would have thought, with quite a few guests just being people who happened to pass by and see the “Wrestling Tonight” sign. (I’m not sure what the sign said exactly, but it was along those lines.) They were an energetic bunch as well, which is what happens when it’s BYOB. After a few words from our ring announcer, Robert Slack, we were introduced to the new principal owner of AAPW, Ray Campos (who also served as the official for all but one of the matches). He welcomed us to the show, explained what that we were about to see his students in action, and while he was talking, he was interrupted by Quinten Lynch.

Lynch wears a kilt and is from Ireland. He said he liked the looks of the place, so he wanted it, is what I heard. Dunno if he was already trying to take control of the place from Ray, but whatever the case, Campos said if Lynch wanted a match, he could have one. We were then introduced to a real cowboy, Kody Krash.

I could not tell you the experience levels of the two men, but they worked quite well. There wasn’t anything too fancy, as is usually the case with students, but nearly everything they hit was crisp and with purpose. The thing you can usually notice from people who are just starting out, is that they will occasionally hesitate between moves, but I didn’t notice any of that during this match.

The key was getting their characters over, and they both did that very well. Everyone was behind Krash (except for a few of the ladies that wanted to see what Lynch had under his kilt (trunks, he had trunks)), and were elated when he picked up the win after a big diving headbutt off the top rope. Now, some would say maybe the diving headbutt isn’t the best type of move for anyone to be doing, giving how prevalent concussions and neck injuries are in wrestling (Daniel Bryan being the most recent example of this; Chris Benoit being the worst case scenario, of course). But, he executed it well.

After the match, Lynch offered his hand to Krash, who showed the tell-tale signs of being a great face by ignoring all the fans pleas to NOT shake his hand and shaking it. You can imagine how well that went. He was left flat on his face.

Winner: Kody Krash

Amir Assad vs. Bubba Trucker

Our next match saw the Iraqi, Amir Assad, complete with Iraqi flag, taking on Bubba Trucker. Assad did the usual Muslim-praying-to-Meeca thing and thankfully it didn’t seem like anyone gave him too much crap for it. Progress! Of course, Trucker got the crowd to chant “U-S-A! U-S-A!” because if there’s one thing ‘Muricans will chant, it’s that, even if both guys are from the United States (as we would see later).

This match… well, this match happened. Out of all the contests, this one was the most disjointed. Assad attacked right from the jump, but it wasn't long before Trucker gained the upper hand, and more or less kept it for the entire match. Assad got a few hope spots, but the whole thing seemed backwards. Regardless, at the end, Assad went to the outside, and while Campos was trying to get Trucker out of the corner so he could begin counting out Assad, the Iraqi blasted Trucker in the head with the flag, and picked up the 1-2-3.

I could get super critical, but what purpose would that serve? They’re students and they worked hard. It just didn’t come together, which happens all the time. Have you see some WWE shows? I mean, that’s a company that for some reason thinks an impending Kane-Big Show feud is a good idea. Heck, sometimes even supremely talented performers just not click. It happens. Just gotta get back in there and keep putting the work in. By next month, it’ll be better. That’s the beauty of practice, practice, practice (despite what Allen Iverson says), it’s important, and you will do nothing but improve, even if you don’t notice it right away.

Winner: Amir Assad

Johnny Walker vs. Zac Taylor

Zac Taylor is someone that the wrestling fans of Austin have seen a lot of lately, as a member of The Orphans with his brother DG in places like Inspire Pro and ACW. I’m not sure if he’s worked elsewhere, but I would imagine he has. Either way, between him and his brother, Zac has that little something extra. I like that he’s a little surly in the ring. Sure, maybe he’s too young to be grumpy old man in the ring, but then again, maybe not?

So, Taylor has the most experience out of everyone (excepting American Eagle and Mr. B, of course), to the best of my knowledge, and he was given an opponent who was more than capable of keeping up with him in Johnny Walker. The two put on a very good match, even doing a few things more than advanced than a lot of the people did on the night. Probably a given because of Taylor’s bit more of experience, but everything was executed very well.

There was only one moment of missing a cue, but no one harped on it outside of an immediate shout from the crowd, and then everyone just got right back into the match. Of all the matches, my biased opinion aside for a certain other one, this was probably the best overall worked match of the night. I know I was pleasantly surprised by how well Walker kept up with Taylor. As for Taylor, well, I’ve been a big fan for a bit now, and I think he has a very bright future ahead of him.

At the end of the day, Taylor picked up the win, but there’s nothing to be ashamed of on Walker’s part. My only nitpick, man, let’s not wear swimmer’s trunks. I know it’s wrestling and everyone’s in their underwear, but there’s a limit. I’m kidding, of course. They were fine, just a touch small (and I realize they were made last minute, so it’s understandable).

Winner: Zac Taylor

We are now entering the section of the show where I will write 5000 words on my, and soon to be your, new favorite wrestler:

Don Rodrigo.

Victorious Mansour vs. Don Rodrigo

You did not read that wrong. Yeah, you thought it would be my wife. Ha! No, you would be gravely mistaken. No, instead, the person everyone should take note of is Don Rodrigo. Everything about the guy his amazing, from his look, to his wrestling style, to… everything. My two favorite things from this match are this:



When he pranced away from the corner, sent a kiss out to the crowd, and then pranced right back into the corner. It was stellar. But even better was this:



I have no earthly idea what it’s called, but it’s the greatest thing I’ve ever seen. Legit. I could watch it all day. What’s great about this is that it should TOTALLY be a move that Fandango does, right? I know Rodrigo is supposed to be more of a pirate-esque character (I’m assuming he’s still going that route), but this came off less pirate and more just like a lothario. Basically, he’s what Fandango should be if he had personality, charm, and just, you know, didn’t suck.

Based on character, he could slide right onto an Inspire Pro show (or even Chikara) and fit right in. Now, if his overall wrestling is there yet? I don’t know. But he was solid in this match-up and he was going against a sixteen year old! Yep, that’s right, his opponent, Victorious Mansour, is the youngest of young lions. And he was good! He took a beating like a champ and then gave the fight right back.

In the end, Rodrigo picked up the win, but there was no shame to be had for Mansour, at least from our perspective.

Winner: Don Rodrigo

Laynie Luck vs. Don Rodrigo

During that match, Mansour was accompanied to the ring by Laynie Luck (straight up, this is my wife, and I love her and she’s great and perfect and the best and other words), who handed out flowers to some fans and then supported Mansour during his match. After that was over, she crawled into the ring to check on Mansour and his face (which is what Rodrigo’s finisher attacks, as it’s that move where you hold your opponent’s arm, then fall back with your foot outstretched, pulling their face into your boot, whatever that is called).

Rodrigo took the opportunity to get on the microphone and tell Luck that she needed to ditch Mansour and get with him. Luck wasn’t having any of that, so Rodrigo instead wanted to shake her hand on Mansour’s behalf for a good fight. But when she went to shake his hand (silly faces, always trusting people for some reason, learn your lessons from “Stone Cold” Steve Austin and Don’t Trust Anybody!), Rodrigo used his opposite hand to slap her across the face!



Luck was staggered by the blow, but as soon as she recovered, she did this:



And proceeded to put a hurting on him. You remember Nikki Bella’s forearm to Brie at SummerSlam? Yeah, that was vicious, right? It ain’t got shit on Lanyie Luck’s!



After blocking Rodrigo’s attempted finisher, Luck floored him with that forearm, and then hoisted him up onto her shoulders…



DEATH VALLEY DRIVER!!

I’m not even sure if this was supposed to be an official match, but she went for the cover and Campos counted the fall, so I’m assuming it goes into the record books as Laynie Luck’s very first victory in her very first match. So, that’s totally awesome!

After the match, Luck immediately went out to check on Mansour, who had stood at ringside holding his face the hold time, but he immediately shrugged her off and told Luck to leave him alone. She was only trying to help, man!

Winner: Laynie Luck

American Eagle vs. Mr. B

We are now ready for the two veterans to show all those youngsters how to do it. In fact, they do virtually every practice as they are two of the trainers (I don't think they are still considered students, but then again, aren't we all still students in this thing called life?).

These two just had fun out there, guys. I'm not sure there's a better comedic wrestler in Austin than American Eagle (and the man beneath the mask), and Mr. B was right there with him. At one point, Mr. B and Eagle were in a collar and elbow tie-up on the outside, and Mr. B was backed into a child's lap. He turned and asked, "Did you touch my booty?" That of course meant Eagle had to do the same, and it happened to be me! Oh, lucky day! I do apologized for the stiff object that poked you in the butt, Eagle, but I assure you, it was merely my camera lens.

Things went on in that nature much to the delight of the audience, and when the dust settled, Eagle was the winner. There really isn't much to say about these two (under these guises or any other) that I don't say elsewhere, so there’s no need to go on and on and on about them. Their both good, they know how to entertain the fans, and they leave us happy.

Winner: American Eagle

Comrade Silovik vs. Donnie Giovanni

It was now time for the main event, that would pit the 250lb Russian, Comrade Silovik, against the 300lb Italian, Donnie Giovanni. Two mountain-sized men doing battle. I even timidly held up a sign that said “USA! USA! Russian sucks!” even though I don’t like the attention being on me (and that made ALL the attention be on me ‘cause I was the only one with a sign) that Silovik ripped up into pieces. I WORKED ALL DAY ON THAT!!

As for the match, it was two big dudes slugging each other. Not a whole lot of style involved, just bruising blows. They did, though, really enjoy irish whips into the corners. I think they did four or five in a row at one point. That’s the only major flaw with the match, otherwise, it was just a hoss fight. But after a big splash off the second rope by Giovanni, Quinten Lynch hit the ring and broke up the pinfall, giving Giovanni the disqualification win. The two men proceeded the beatdown until Kody Krash made the save.

Krash was a house afire on the foreign heels until they were dispatched out of the ring. As the four men faced off with each other, Ray Campos took the microphone again and announced that on March 14th, the next AAPW show would be headlined by a tag team match between the team of Kody Krash and Donnie Giovanni and the team of Comrad Silovik and Quinten Lynch.

I’m not sure what sort of relationship the Irish and Russians have had, but they seem to be on the same side here.

Winner: Donnie Giovanni

Final Thoughts: Overall, this was a really fun show. I thought I was going to be more nervous than I was, but once it all began, I didn’t give it a second thought. All the students performed really well and it seemed as if all the fans had a good time. I say Ray and George should be really proud of what they have put together, I don’t think even they could have imagine the show would have gone as well as it did. As I mentioned, the next show will be on March 14th, at the same place (401 FM 685, Ste 302, Pflugerville, TX) and assumedly at the same 7pm bell time. If this show was any indication, expect a full house, so get there early if you want a chair.

On Yoshiko, Act Yasukawa, and Responsibility in the Ring

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Yasukawa was the victim of one of the worst shoots in wrestling history this past weekend
Photo Credit: Leslie Lee III/Pro Wrestling Is Art
An ugly incident befell STARDOM in Japan on February 22, when Yoshiko defended the World of Stardom Championship against Act Yasukawa. Yoshiko came out of her corner and began to strike Yasukawa in the face, which didn't look out of the normal at first because puroresu and joshi in particular are known for a stiffness level that can blur the edges. However, after the first pull-apart, one could see that Yasukawa's face was bloodied and that she had facial disfigurement. They went in for another scuffle, and Yoshiko continued with her assault, which by that point was clear that it wasn't a work as Yasukawa was on the mat in the defend position, hiding her face from any more blows. When the referee pulled the two apart, Yasukawa exited the ring, and her corner threw in the towel. You can see the footage here, starting at 3:21, but I warn you that it is graphic and not for the faint of heart.

STARDOM is one of the biggest, if not biggest, joshi promotion right now, and this incident is a definite black mark. I don't know the reasoning why Yoshiko would violate the trust between workers in the ring, but when you can't trust your opponent to take care of you, how can you feel safe in a wrestling ring? I know cultural differences exist between America and Japan, but at the same time, the first rule of wrestling anywhere should be that no one gets hurt on purpose. I don't think that's an uncontroversial statement for even a mark as myself to make, but wrestlers sometimes abide by a different code, where arguably, Yoshiko committing assault to the point of attempted manslaughter has justification. Seriously, Sonny Gutierrez reported on Yasukawa's injuries. She has a broken left orbital bone, and her right orbital bone, the one around the eye that she had surgery to correct blindness from Graves disease, could not be checked within two days of the injury because of swelling. Drink that in for a second.

Still, cultural differences are why I don't want to go all in on a moralistic bent saying Yoshiko should never work again and what not. And I don't want to totally blame culture in a situation that I'm not sure anyone on this side of the Pacific truly understands yet. But at the same time, she shirked her responsibility to make sure her opponent was safe in the ring, and that's gotta be a cardinal sin in any arena. Wrestling is dangerous enough without one person going into business for him or herself and taking out frustrations or enforcing some kind of unwritten code. Yasukawa could have died, and regardless of what she did "to"joshi, it probably wasn't severe enough for her to lose her life. No, check that, it definitely wasn't severe enough for her to walk into a worked wrestling match where she was expecting choreography and instead got legit elbows to the face.

I'm not entirely sure what you or I as fans can do about things like this at this point, because wrestling locker rooms still seem to have one foot planted in their carny pasts. Hell, even sports leagues with societal legitimacy and governmental supervision have bullshit hazing going on that is defended in part by the hypermasculine leaders who believe in this kind of bravado. But maybe pulling wrestling promotions everywhere out of this exile and into the fold as what they really are, traveling acting troupes, with government grants and the whole nine yards is a good start. Or maybe it won't be enough. I don't know how to fix a problem this big.

But I hope that most observers look at this kind of behavior as a problem. It will be hard for anyone, including myself, to come up with any judgment on the root causes, because I'm not sure anyone outside of those who understand joshi could make any judgment. Conversely, tolerating the dissolution of the bond of trust between two wrestlers is wrong in any circumstance. People should always find another way to remediate grievances, even if it's a shoot fight in the locker room after hours. Of course, even that solution is insanely problematic, since violence shouldn't be used to settle any difference, but at the same time, at least Yasukawa would have been on the same page as Yoshiko.

For the promotion's part, STARDOM is addressing the situation. Taka Michinoclue from the comments on the With Spandex piece about the incident has this translation:
After being admitted to hospital, Yasukawa’s eye will require further scans tomorrow. What transpired during the match are in no way representative of STARDOM’s values. The General Manager will call an emrgency meeting with the leaders of the various STRADOM factions to address areas in the pormotion that need to be improved, in order to become a stronger and better organisation for the future. We would like to thank STARDOM’s fans for their support and we would like to apologise for any worry this incident has caused.
It's comforting to see the administration come down on Yoshiko's actions, and hopefully, the company will act the right way here. A highly-acclaimed wrestler isn't going to be active for awhile thanks to irresponsible actions of someone acting on outmoded viewpoints. Wrestling needs to be better than this, period.

I Listen So You Don't Have To: Steve Austin Show Eps. 195/196

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Michaels is Austin's guest for his first, clean show last week
Photo Credit: WWE.com
If you're new, here's the rundown: I listen to a handful of wrestling podcasts each week. Too many, probably, though certainly not all of them. In the interest of saving you time — in case you have the restraint to skip certain episodes — the plan is to give the bare bones of a given show and let you decide if it’s worth investing the time to hear the whole thing. There are better wrestling podcasts out there, of course, but these are the ones in my regular rotation that I feel best fit the category of hit or miss. If I can save other folks some time, I'm happy to do so.

Show: Steve Austin Show
Episode: 195 (Feb. 17, 2015)
Run Time: 1:38:37
Guest: Shawn Michaels (10:20)

Summary: Austin calls up his old friend Shawn Michaels, who is promoting his new book, Wrestling For My Life: The Legend, the Reality and the Faith of a WWE Superstar. Austin wrote one of the forewords, so they talk about the writing process. Moving onto wrestling, Austin asks about Michaels’ approach to matches based on different opponents, then asks about their WrestleMania XIV encounter and how Michaels faced what he thought was the end of his career. That leads into talk about how Michaels’ faith changed his priorities, discussion about his transition into the outdoors world and hunting shows, the choice to move his family from San Antonio to a ranch and homeschooling their children. They discuss how Michaels ended his reliance on drugs, his current state of pain, his 2002 return and if he’s interested in one more program.

Quote of the week:“He was my rock bottom moment. It was me, and you mentioned being a bit out of it. He and I were having our Friday pizza and cookies. I had gone in, as they say, and he was crawling on me and he said, ‘Daddy’s tired.’ And that’s when the realization hit me that, yeah, he was starting to notice now and it was something that I was no longer going to be able to hide. And it was the absolute worst feeling ever.”

Why you should listen: Austin is careful to make this interview more than a Cliff’s Notes version of Michaels’ book, which helps the episode serve as a reason to read the book instead of a cause for anyone who’s read the book to skip the podcast. Neither guy has anything to gain at this point by being anything but honest, and both are more than comfortable with their life choices. So if the topics they cover are of interest, you’re definitely going to be satiated.

Why you should skip it: Because ultimately it’s just one more story of a wrestler who found Jesus and got off drugs. Austin and Michaels acknowledge their good relationship allows them to lapse into small talk having nothing to do with wrestling because both understands the value of being seen for more than what their career once was. It’s good for them but not always great for podcasting, unless you need to know why HBK preferred his Blackberry.

Final thoughts: This one should be an easy choice: If you don’t mind hearing Michaels talk about his religion, chances are you’re going to be interested in hearing his stories and getting a feel for his current state of mind. If you’re not a huge fan of the person behind the character, this will be another 90 minutes of having your suspicions confirmed, and you won’t miss much of anything by taking a pass.


Show: Steve Austin Show Unleashed!
Episode: 196
Run Time: 1:28:54
Guest: None

Summary: Austin and his wife, Kristin, revisit their most recent RV trip from the Broken Skull Ranch back to 316 Gimmick Street before Austin takes a few listener questions. The first of which is from me (no, seriously) and it’s about RV trips, which keeps them going on the theme for another 20 or 30 minutes. When he finally moves on, he tells the story of a dead raccoon at the BSR, considers using plastic owls to scare off woodpeckers, revisits an unfortunate protein spill and, in a bit of wrestling chatter, pays tribute to Michael P.S. Hayes as a career influence.

Quote of the week:“I farted, she walked dead into one, and she says, ‘Goddamn! Is that you? What the fuck is wrong?’ And I said, ‘That, my dear, is a rotisserie chicken fart.’ She said, ‘What’s a rotisserie chicken fart?’ I said, ‘Well, you bought the rotisserie chickens at the store three hours ago. I ate one of the rotisserie chickens and hour ago. Now, as we speak, presto, I bring to you the rotisserie chicken fart. And that sumbitch wasn’t nothin’ but nasty. Goddamn it was bad.”

Why you should listen: Are you taking your four children from Chicago to Oakland this summer in a 32-foot Class C recreational vehicle? Do you smile every time Austin addresses the writer of this recap by name? Then brother, this is the show for you.

Why you should skip it: The only bit of wrestling talk is the Hayes question, and the answer covers well-worn territory, as Austin has repeatedly mentioned his admiration of Hayes as a performer and the role he played in Austin’s WWF run. Beyond that, if you’ve got no interest in RV life or how to get a dead raccoon out of the inside of an ATV, you’ve probably got better ways to spend 90 minutes.

Final thoughts: I’m more than a little biased, but this is my all-time favorite episode of the Steve Austin Show hands down. Now I just have to explain to my wife who Steve Austin is, why I asked him for RV advice and how crazy it is he spent a half hour explaining things to me in podcast form. And also maybe I will need to fully clarify what podcasts are. But who cares? Steve Austin is a prince among men.

One Year of WWE Network

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The Network was good and bad at the same time
Graphics by John Lefteratos
WWE Network turned a year old on Monday of this week. It has brought mixed providence along with it over its first year, but most innovations need some time to work the bugs out. However, its biggest source of tension hasn't been as a technological innovation. The entity has split into two distinct things, almost like a Christian Holy Trinity-esque being that is one but with two equal components. As a delivery for WWE programming, both current and archival, it has been more than adequate outside of that bumpy first month where nothing worked and everything took FOREVER to buffer. But its second identity as a incorporeal character within the WWE narrative has been an unmitigated disaster.

The biggest tragedy in that dichotomy is that the secondary portion of the Network never needed to exist in the first place. However, Vince McMahon has this nasty habit of turning his personal labors of love into wars against people who don't need to be fought. McMahon made the grandiose claim about what the Network could be, and when it didn't turn out the way he wanted it, he turned the price point into a catchphrase, and the Network itself as this boogeyman, sneering at anyone who was hesitant to adopt the new technology during every pay-per-view broadcast, and being offered as a makegood anytime he knew he fucked up creatively. I don't know about you, but I could see where that attitude could turn more people off than it brought in.

But therein lies the tragedy; the Network is still the future of not only wrestling distribution, but for television distribution on the whole. And for a massive venture in its first year, it has been mostly a positive. The audience has experienced hiccups here and there, but compare the loss of some episodes of Nitro, the delay of launch in the United Kingdom, and the loss of Main Event thanks to broadcast contracts in said UK to what could have gone wrong.

The focus, however, has been more on the narrative character and shit like subscriber numbers. And really, it's a microcosm of how when left to his own devices, McMahon can't be trusted to do anything. Over-the-top distribution is the first major delivery system that is more independent than anything. Every other mode of delivery requires a middleman. Live shows require arenas. Syndicated television needs stations to carry. Pay-per-view requires carriers. Cable television networks decide whether they want wrestling. But the only infrastructure needed for over-the-top is the Internet, which is for now open and free.

McMahon's hubris on subscriber numbers and his marketing tactics have shown that he is as good a salesman nowadays as he is a lead writer/head booker. The Network, despite his best attempts, will never fail to the point of shutdown. However, he left so much on the table with it that it feels like a failure when in reality, it's the best thing to happen to WWE and possibly wrestling in the last five to ten years. One year of ghastly promotion and interminable hubris can do a lot of damage, and it's just another reason why Vince McMahon probably needs to go.

Get Well Soon, Tim Donst

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Donst is one of the good ones, hope he gets well soon!
Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein
Tim Donst surrendered the Absolute Intense Wrestling Absolute Championship Friday night at the promotion's I Choo-Choo-Choose You event in Cleveland, OH. He went onto announce that he was taking an indefinite leave of absence from wrestling because doctors found a tumor on his kidney. The entire kidney will have to be removed at this point. I had heard rumblings that Donst was in the hospital over the last weekend, but details were scarce until he announced his current condition at the AIW show. Donst's absence will not only affect AIW, but he will also not be competing in the Combat Zone Wrestling Best of the Best tournament in March.

This news fucking sucks. I'm not sure whether this tumor is cancerous or not, but the fact that it's presence is causing Donst to lose a kidney is serious, serious news. It is costing a terrific performer an exciting time in his career, but more importantly, it's putting a seriously good dude's health in jeopardy. Donst has made a career of playing a dick in character, no question, but he's been damn good to both his fans and his peers. No one deserves cancer or whatever it is that's afflicting him, but especially someone as cool as Donst is doesn't deserve this kind of fortune.

He hasn't announced any crowd-funding for his medical bills yet, but if/as soon as he does, I will pass the information along. Donst is one of the good guys. I hope he gets better, not for his career, but for himself.

Dispatches from the Lake: Bafflement

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The Bellas and all the other women on WWE's roster deserve better
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Stupid, adult, real life and a strange brew of anger, sadness, and complete befuddlement have kept my keyboard quiet these last few months in the wrestling realms. What was there to say? Haven’t I complained enough, both in writing and in real life, about the state of the product that WWE has been putting out? For all the bitching I’ve done, what change has really come about? I don’t just mean change on the WWE’s part. What have I been doing different? Did I cancel my WWE Network subscription? Of course not. I still watch the special events, but I hadn’t seen a RAW or Smackdown since Daniel Bryan made his return in early January.

It was easy to ignore the show on Mondays and Thursdays. I’ve been ensconced in a hellscape of boxes, packing tape, and pointless work trainings for the last few months. I was fine with this apathy that has fallen over me since the Royal Rumble, until last night.

Last week, it was reported that the Bella Twins had expressed some frustration with the time the women’s wrestlers were allowed on the main roster. At Fast Lane and the RAW that followed, they were given, collectively, just under ten minutes, including entrances, to do their thing. That’ll learn those females to mouth off, right?!

I don’t care who you are, or how good you are. Trying to tell a story in a wrestling ring in that amount of time is impossible. Dolph Ziggler and Alberto del Rio did a pretty good job of it when Ziggler cashed in his Money in the Bank contract a few years ago. That’s the only example that comes to mind.

For a company that claims to care about telling stories more than wrestling for no reason, this is just baffling. Why is WWE wasting its time and money with hiring women to wrestle, training then to wrestle in developmental, then throwing them on television for a few minutes during their many, many, MANY hours of programing on the main roster? One could argue that the women are a novelty to be gawked at, but the time they are given isn't enough to be considered that!

And this isn’t just me screaming at the brick wall alone. There’s been plenty written here and other wrestling websites about the lack of women’s wrestling showcased on the main roster at WWE. I’m writing this the afternoon after RAW, and #GiveDivasAChance is still trending, as it was last night after the 30 seconds long women’s match. Shocking that Michael Cole didn’t let the viewers know about that trending topic, huh?

Bottom line, there’s obviously a market for women’s wrestling, and WWE’s goal, as a company, is to make money. Why they chose to ignore that market is bonkers on a level that I can’t even conceive of. Instead of showcasing wrestlers they could sell merchandise for, they show horrifying photos of Vince McMahon’s Muscle and Fitness cover story. That extra thirty seconds couldn’t have gone to the women’s match? Is McMahon’s head that far up his own ass that he….actually never mind. I don’t think I want an answer to that question.

How I Stopped Worrying and Learned to Love Daniel Bryan Outside of the Main Event

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Bryan doesn't have to headline every Mania to do what he does best
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Daniel Bryan is not headlining WrestleMania this year. I can't speak for anyone else, but even though he is right now my favorite wrestler in the world by a comfortable margin (although Shinsuke Nakamura is creeping up on him), my world is not shattered by this burgeoning fact. Sure, I would love to see Bryan in the catbird seat in any given year. Last year's WrestleMania was magical because it was the culmination of a labor of love that began the moment he debuted on NXT, and if I could, I would relive it over and over and over again. But time doesn't allow for a rewind button yet, and the new year has presented a new story.

My best wishes for Roman Reigns to grow into the mantel he's being presented aside, it's not the story I would have told. I don't have the book, and I don't know if I would have told another Bryan tale or if I would have had someone else attempt to best The Beast, Brock Lesnar. But whether or not the right match is being contested for the WWE World Heavyweight Championship, as the saying goes, que sera sera.

And I'm okay with all of it, mostly, I'm okay with Bryan existing below the highest plane of existence. Mainly, Bryan is a much more versatile wrestler than always closing out the big shows, and his value isn't tied to his card position. It's tied to the variety of matches he can wrestle against a plenitude of opponents, which doesn't necessarily mean he needs to be in main events, especially at the granddaddy of them all.

Shawn Michaels built a career out of being Mr. WrestleMania despite many of his memorable matches happening outside of the main event. Sure, he'll always have the Iron Man match against Bret Hart, the career finale against The Undertaker, and his epic against John Cena, but he's always been given studio space to explore outside of the main event. The WrestleMania XXV Streak match, the career-threatening match against Ric Flair, and the midcard affairs vs. Chris Jericho and Kurt Angle all got time, and Michaels was never worse for wear for it because of his reputation as a steady hand in the ring.

It's that space that I want Bryan to explore going forward. Unless Sheamus undergoes severe career rehab, he'll never get to the point where he'll be able to be in a Mania main event, but he's also one of the best workers on the roster. He and Bryan deserve a long chunk of time to have their Mania epic that was denied them two years running, and that will never happen unless they dip down the card. Matches against Seth Rollins, Dolph Ziggler, Dean Ambrose, Roman Reigns, or even Sami Zayn and Kevin Owens going forward could go either way whether they could main event Mania or not, but all of them could be stellar, big-time matches somewhere away from the super-serious final epic showdown.

Even away from the biggest event of the year, Bryan is a wrestler who doesn't necessarily need to repeat the glory over and over again. Something about getting that one chance to shine validated him as a WWE superstar in my eyes, and the fans seem to agree with me. The truth is that he's a terrible babyface as written by Creative/Vince McMahon, and he'll never regain the benefit of the doubt again since he's already risen from the ranks as an underdog and proven everyone wrong.

Seriously, between SummerSlam '13 and WrestleMania XXX, he pinned John Cena clean, rope-a-doped Randy Orton something fierce before getting every screw put to him, made the Wyatt Family look like a bunch of foolish hillbillies, and then beat the entirety of Evolution with the exception of Ric Flair in one night. Anything else would be overkill unless the story is him vs. Brock Lesnar, and if the rumblings backstage indicating that he's out like trout after Mania, then that ship has forever sailed.

I'm not saying I'd never enjoy Bryan getting another run if the story's right, but his best shot was already fired, and it was sublime. He's WWE royalty now, and he's ostensibly earned the right to do what he does best at and how he's most entertaining. He can wrestle long, outstanding matches against the bulk of the roster, enhancing the good shows and elevating the poor ones into some standard of watchability.

Daniel Bryan is not going to main event WrestleMania, and that's okay. As long as he's not shunted into the Andre the Giant Battle Royale, then his Mania will be satisfying without a doubt, especially if the Sheamus or Rollins rumblings are true. I don't care if it's the last match on the card or not. All I wanna do is watch Bryan be the best in the world.

Samoa Joe Comes Home

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Joe's coming back to ROH and the indies with a vengeance
Photo Credit: Lee South/ImpactWrestling.com
Samoa Joe has been unemployed from TNA for a little over a week, and he's already making his first huge splashes. The biggest news is that he's coming home to Ring of Honor, as announced in this video:


The four dates announced so far are Baltimore on March 7, which is a television taping, the Chicagoland swing in two weeks (Milwaukee on March 13 and Chicago on March 14) and the big WrestleMania weekend show in Redwood City, CA on March 27. Not only are his appearances coming soon, but they're at some pretty high-profile events, including on the syndicated show which has featured some critically acclaimed matches in the new year. Alberto el Patron has been tearing it up on TV, and this past week has featured a Bullet Club vs. ACH, Matt Sydal, and Cedric Alexander trios match that many trusted voices have said rocked the proverbial house. Joe will get chances to get comfortable with his old digs.

Joe hasn't been announced to show up at the 13th Anniversary Show pay-per-view this weekend, but never say never on that front. Maybe he'll come back to set up a few things, but even if he doesn't show up, the show looks awesome on paper. The main event will be a four-way survival match for Jay Briscoe's World Championship as he defends against Michael Elgin, Tommaso Ciampa, and Hanson. Personally, I'd rather that match be a straight-up one-on-one between Briscoe and Hanson, but you can't always get what you want. However, three big draws are on this show for me at least. First, ACH will take on AJ Styles in what could be a goddamn barnburner. Second, reDRagon will defend the ROH Tag Team Championships against the Young Bucks. While I can take or leave Kyle O'Reilly in singles action, his tag team stuff is pretty good, especially with Bobby Fish. And the Bucks are the Bucks. Finally, el Patron will get a crack at Jay Lethal's Television Championship. I ran tepid on Lethal before, but he seems to have turned it around as a heel, and the former Alberto del Rio is a sure thing in the ring. Really excited for that one.

However, back to Joe, his most interesting match may be happening on the first weekend in April. Squared Circle Wrestling has a penchant for giving its fans in upstate New York dream matches that other promotions won't or can't book, and their Living on the Edge X show on April 4 will feature one such contest, as Joe takes on the death-defying, perhaps insane cult of personality AR Fox. It's not the first match I would have thought to book, but given that Joe tends to handle high-flyers really well, this match could end up blowing the doors off the indie wrestling world.

Joe's run in TNA has been spotty, but from the bits I've seen, it hasn't been that bad. However, if he's back in a scene where he is motivated and ready to kick ass like he did years ago, then maybe he could see himself having a renaissance the likes that Styles has had. He'll have plenty of chances out of the gate, and I'm personally stoked to see all of them.

Pro Wrestling SKOOPZ on The Wrestling Blog: Issue 20

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WHERE'S THE BULGE IN PUNK'S ASS, HUH?
Screen Grab via WWE.com
HORB FLERBMINBER back again with all the scoops that you want, nay, NEED in your life, and I filed my report LIVE from my bed at CHICAGO GENERAL HOSPITAL. That's right, I am bringing you ALL THE SCOOPS I CAN despite having my jaw WIRED SHUT by CM Punk for the second time in months. I camped out in his TOILET to get all the inside news about his ass-bulge to BREAK THE CASE OPEN about his infection and malfeasance accusations against Dr. Amann. Who else would camp out in a toilet? Huh? Not Wade Keller. Certainly not Mike Johnson. Jason Powell will, but he's a sick freak with a fetish. BUT I CAMP THERE FOR THE NEWS.

Of course, I can't mine all the scoops when I am camped out in septic systems. I need YOUR HELP and I need you NOT TO CARE if you get credit or not. So if you have any tips, scoops, rumors, or leads on where I can find ass cream, you know, the good kind that removes cellulite lumps, send them to ProWrestlingSKOOPZ@gmail.com. Of course, if you want all the best scoops at a MOMENT's notice, follow me on Twitter @HorbFlerbminber. For example, who was the man who jumped all over the scoop that Sting would use the SLOP DROP, a move he'd never used before, at Fast Lane? IT WAS ME.

I have a history of great scoops, and you can find them in my archives. Where are my archives? Well, if you find out, let me know. I've been looking for them for WEEKS.

A benefit show is going to be held this Saturday, February 28, at the Elks Lodge No. 1620 in Salmon, ID at 3:30 PM local time. The benefits will go to the BOFA/ALDISS Foundation, which is a charitable organization to help the victims of online fake scoops. Did you know that 24 cut-and-paste site operators every day fall for incorrect news scoops from parody and impostor Twitter accounts? These poor webmasters and reporters need YOUR help to stop falling for these vicious, sick troll accounts, so head on out to the show. The headline match will be a WWE Contract on a Pole match between Christopher Daniels and AJ Styles. Lanny Poffo will suck his own dick, and Dennis Stamp will not be booked.

Remember the tiiiiiiime.... do you remember the tiiiiiiiime.

- CM Punk's ass has come into focus as WWE has posted several pictures in an attempt to disprove his claims that he had a baseball-sized growth stemming from a staph infection that was misdiagnosed by Dr. Christopher Amann. Fan videos have come up in rebuttal, clearly showing that something was growing out of Punk's ass at the time. My investigative report came up as inconclusive, as Punk never once showed his ass over the toilet while I was staked out there. However, I can report that Colt Cabana loves pad Thai, AJ Lee can feel eyes upon her, and Punk has a really powerful plunger.

- Dr. Amann's defamation suit against Punk and Cabana will now become a class-action lawsuit, as everyone Cabana has ever talked shit on while recording the Art of Wrestling podcast has joined up as a co-plaintiff.

- Meanwhile, my lawsuit against Punk from the last time he broke my jaw has been thrown out, because apparently, if I am "breaking and entering" on his property, he is by law allowed to do whatever he wants to me.

- Brock Lesnar apparently left WWE RAW this past Monday in a huff over an altercation with upper management. Vince McMahon made the call to switch from Jimmy John's to Subway as the official sub provider at craft services, which made Lesnar angry enough to leave Nashville and hop on his plane back to his mudhut somewhere in the Black Hills.

- With Lesnar's status with the company in jeopardy, McMahon is looking into available venues for a Championship tournament in Rio de Janeiro.

- SMACKDOWN SPOILERS: Daniel Bryan sucked into a vortex into the Intercontinental Championship scene, pronounced dead upon arrival. Nikki Bella to address AJ Lee tweets suggesting that Stephanie McMahon should give her female wrestlers more attention by saying Lee is jealous that the Bellas get two Hot Pockets apiece and Lee only gets one as her weekly payment. Some other shit that really won't matter happens because holy shit, fuck Smackdown.

- Samoa Joe will return to Ring of Honor for a slew of dates in the month of March in an attempt to wash the stench of TNA off him so he can get a gig in NXT.

- Brian and I were talking last night. Show us eager to US dollars nights Beth, you have to pay $ 85,000. View unprecedented in the history of the war UCF 11 Ft, is a mistake. It showed that the expression of a full-year loss of Game Books Boxing / MMA has become corrupt, it can be said that this is the worst in Las Vegas. Almost all of our work (and I have the best 1-4) and 0-5.

- The Rock presented an award at the Academy Awards on Sunday night, and later on in the evening, he introduced the Best Supporting Actress nominees by singing a song about them on acoustic guitar, calling them all sluts and bitches.

- The 24/7 Hardcore Championship hasn't been defended since November of last year. A lone fan was seen poking Chuck Taylor's Instagram account with a stick, saying "Do stuff" to it.

- Ring of Honor's 13th Anniversary pay-per-view is live from Las Vegas Sunday night. CEO Joe Koff has said he will bet all the proceeds from the event on black after the show in an attempt to win enough money to sign Brock Lesnar for one or two shows after he leaves WWE.

- An arrest warrant has been put out for Jim Ross after his latest podcast with Shane Helms. Ross will be charged with cruel and unusual punishment of his subscribers.

- The #GiveDivasAChance trended worldwide last night, which is the first thing R-Truth has accomplished, accidentally or not, in years.

- The Paul Heyman promo to Roman Reigns last night was actually trimmed down extensively from the original draft. The following list are other people against whom Heyman would have bet in favor of Reigns:
  • Lou Thesz in 1946
  • Bill Goldberg in 1998
  • Little Man and Fat Boy in 1945
  • The Mongol Hordes in 1200
  • Pontius Pilate in 33
  • The Anti-Monitor in Crisis on Infinite Earths #12
  • The meteorite that caused the Cretaceous Extinction Event in 65,000,000 BC
  • The Big Bang
...and the list just goes on and on. It's longer than Chris Jericho's list of 1,004 holds. Jesus.

- Solomon Crowe rescued a driver from an overturned vehicle yesterday. Jeez, the guy JUST debuts on NXT television, and he's already getting booked in heroism angles? NXT MOVES TOO FAST.

- Reports that UFC will implement extensive drug testing in July are actually just a huge rib on Renee Young for not wearing shoes.

- Poll results are in, and 45% of you think you can take Brock Lesnar in a fight, 27% think it would be a split decision, 20% think he'd back down because he'd be scared of you, and 8% of you are laughing at the other 92% for being absolutely full of shit. This week's poll:

Follow-Up: Yoshiko Stripped and Suspended Indefinitely

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Yoshiko, center, will face stiff punishment for her acts
Photo via Tokyo-Sports.co.jp
Translated news via Koala Mask

STARDOM has come down hard on Yoshiko for shooting on Act Yasukawa during their February 22 World of STARDOM Championship match. The now-former Champion has been stripped of her title and suspended indefinitely. Additionally, three company officials, including owner Rossy Ogawa, have taken 30% cuts in pay in the fallout. While a promotional owner taking such harsh responsibility is unheard of in America, it also bears mentioning that Ogawa refused to stop the match after the first barrage of punches from Yoshiko, and the match was only halted when Yasukawa's corner threw in the towel after the second flurry. In short, one shouldn't trip over him or herself to praise Ogawa for acting with "class" here.

The company has also put in measures to prevent an incident such as this from happening in the future. Specifically, closed fists have been explicitly banned, a ring doctor will be assigned to every match, and an intermediary between the office and the wrestlers has been appointed. The first measure can be circumvented quite easily, but at least it's a measure against a tactic that is most easily turned from a work into a shoot.

I can't tell anyone whether these measures are "enough" to remediate the situation or even begin to make things right for Yasukawa, but it's comforting to see such behavior is not being tolerated. Again, whatever problems existed between the two, and Yoshiko admitted their relationship wasn't very good going into the match, the absolute worst thing that could have happened happened. Even though she showed remorse, Yoshiko probably shouldn't step foot in a wrestling ring for a long time, and furthermore, other wrestling companies around the world should probably look at this as a worst-case example of what could go wrong and crack down on wrestlers taking liberties in the ring.

People like to joke about veterans taking liberties with young boys or crack wise about Bob Holly throwing intentional potatoes, but that shit is just as bad if not as high profile as what Yoshiko did to Yasukawa here. If you can't trust your partner to take care of you the way you need to take care of them in a wrestling contest, then no way should that match take place. You don't need to be a wrestling pro to figure that out. It's a goddamn travesty and a shame that this horrid, terrible incident had to happen for the world to take notice, but in 2015, these measures are only spurred on by ghastly reminders of a vestigial past that needed to die decades ago.

I Listen So You Don't Have To: The Ross Report Ep. 54

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Helms stops by to talk Fast Lane
Photo Credit: WWE.com
If you're new, here's the rundown: I listen to a handful of wrestling podcasts each week. Too many, probably, though certainly not all of them. In the interest of saving you time — in case you have the restraint to skip certain episodes — the plan is to give the bare bones of a given show and let you decide if it’s worth investing the time to hear the whole thing. There are better wrestling podcasts out there, of course, but these are the ones in my regular rotation that I feel best fit the category of hit or miss. If I can save other folks some time, I'm happy to do so.

Show: The Ross Report
Episode: 54 (Feb. 25, 2015)
Run Time: 1:51:28
Guest: Gregory Helms (11:00)

Summary: Jim Ross mostly omits his traditional monologue this week to get to call-in guest Gregory “Shane” “Hurricane” Helms. After a brief chat about Helms’ knee and current work, they delve headlong into a review of Sunday’s WWE Fast Lane pay-per-view. Following is some talk about Helms’ praise of and problems with Ring of Honor, discussion of which rings are easier and safer for working, WrestleKingdom 9 and AJ Styles, performers whom WWE failed to use properly but later succeeded in other promotions, TNA, Lucha Underground, Helms’ upcoming bookings and a quick look ahead to WrestleMania.

Quote of the week:“What I want to see out of this story, is I want to see is Goldust vs. Stardust. What they gave, what we got was Dustin dressed up as Goldust. We were losing the character of Goldust in this story. And Goldust, his whole story is that he’s the maniac. He’s the insane one. If I was writing this, and Cody’s starting to lose his mind, I would just have Goldust go, ‘Oh, you think you’re crazy? I invented crazy. Let’s do this!' And let’s have crazy-ass Goldust go against Stardust. The character of Goldust, and I guess this is argumentative, but the character of Goldust to me, was way more over than Dustin Rhodes.”

Why you should listen: As usual with Ross’ post-pay-per-view recaps, this is more than just a rundown of the Fast Lane card, but also a strong check-in with Helms, and his current position as an independent wrestler as well as promoter leads to some interesting topics, notably his beef with ROH for pulling its talent from Helms’ shows with little notice. Helms also exhibits his ability to think deeply about wrestling a few different times, including during his rationale for appreciating intergender matches as presented on Lucha Undergound. Unlike most of Ross’ PPV follows, he actually covers the entire show and not just the stories he deems most relevant.

Why you should skip it: Also as usual, Ross recorded this chat before RAW, so there’s no way to factor any plot advancements that are now old news to listeners (though in this case, not much happened on Monday). Neither Ross nor Helms are WWE stooges, but both have a more favorable view of Fast Lane and the road to WrestleMania than what I tend to encounter on Twitter, so if you might find that positivity (not unfounded, but still) somewhere between off-putting and downright aggravating, maybe take a breather on this week’s show.

Final thoughts: Something about this week’s episode really clicked for me. Whether it was the choice to dispense with the monologue, the fact Ross covered the entirety of Fastlane or the easy chemistry he has with Helms, I was far more compelled than usual. Usually when Ross tells his guest a story about his own life it seems self-serving, but in this case it seemed far more organic, even when such diversions could have derailed the Fastlane recap. It’s not essential listening or anything — really, how much can (or should) be said about Fast Lane at this point? — but it was really enjoyable, far more so than I expected.

The Art of Listening and Letting Everyone Speak: A Short Essay

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While WWE should give women like Brie Bella more time and attention, fans and writers should give the women among them more of a say as well
Photo Credit: WWE.com
The #GiveDivasAChance hash-tag has blown up in that it's still going strong after four days of existence. It has a powerful message that fans aren't about to tolerate the shoddy treatment of women on the WWE main roster. Fans may not be able to do much about WWE's inner workings, even if Vince McMahon, or more accurately his Twitter intern, promises to do something about it. However, something important can be done as fans, especially male fans and doubly especially for white, straight, cis male fans. Those, including myself, can concede the floor, whether partially or wholly, to the representative fans of those wrestlers who are getting the short end.

Yes, you can still be a "good" feminist ally by speaking up, and honestly, situations exist where voices within the establishment can do well enough to get the ball rolling. But if you find yourself in a situation where you're attempting to speak for women, you might as well step aside and let them have the floor themselves. Experience counts for a lot, and no matter how much empathy someone like me has, it can't make up for shit that women have to face on a daily basis.

It isn't to say you can't have a voice in the matter, but I would hope the first inclination would be to let the firsthand experience speak up and then chime in with supplementation, support, and non-overbearing defense. I know coming from me, one of the most outspoken liberal douchebags within the alternative pro wrestling media, it might ring hollow, but I'm trying to shut up and let others do the talking. I'm going to fail, because I have a big mouth (keyboard? I'm bad at these mixed-media analogies). But I'm never going to stop trying to let every voice be heard.

So encourage women and other traditionally silenced groups to speak up. Support great women writers like Danielle Matheson, Shelly Deathlock, and here on TWB, Lacy and Erica Mo. Signal boost their words so that they can get a piece of the pie that folks like me have had for the longest time. And for god's sake, don't attempt to mansplain like fucking Corey Graves did on Tuesday. #GiveDivasAChance is a noble cause to get behind, but don't pretend that this is some charity case. It's a cause that will give a voice not only to female performers, but to women in the wrestling fandom. Again, I want to remind everyone that anywhere from 35-40% of WWE's fanbase is comprised of women.

Don't let conversation, especially the one involving women in wrestling, be dominated by the same old tired voices. Let everyone have a turn, especially the ones whom the issue is affecting most. Don't just #GiveDivasAChance; give women fans and women writers a chance to chime in, and maybe figure out that the best thing you can do is listen to what they have to say. You never know, you (and I) might learn a thing or two.

Twitter Request Line, Vol. 111

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Jericho may have commandeered a camera once, but I don't think he ever wrestled with his list
Photo Credit: WWE.com
It's Twitter Request Line time, everyone! I take to Twitter to get questions about issues in wrestling, past and present, and answer them on here because 140 characters can't restrain me, fool! If you don't know already, follow me @tholzerman, and wait for the call on Wednesday to ask your questions. Hash-tag your questions #TweetBag, and look for the bag to drop Thursday afternoon (most of the time). Without further ado, here are your questions and my answers!

I want to say you're misremembering things, but I wasn't the most avid viewer of Nitro at that time. I remember the promo, mainly because of YouTube saturation and replays on WWE programming. But I don't ever remember seeing him actually do that kinda thing in an actual match. However, if you want a good example of a wrestler calling his own match in the ring, check out some Ring of Honor TV from its HDNet run early in 2010. Kevin Steen did running commentary in at least one of his matches from that run from right after he turned on El Generico and partnered with Steve Corino. It's highly entertaining.

On one hand, looking at fluctuations in body appearance and making judgments about it seems kinda gross, but WWE can be a gross company when it comes to image at times. It might not be possible to view how relatively lean someone like Kevin Owens is becoming means for a possible push in the womb or beyond it, especially since at least one person allegedly has been released thanks to body issues (hint, he had the same initials in NXT that Owens has now). My advice would be to tread lightly with such comparisons, and try to look at them from a "what would WWE do" standpoint and not make judgments on your own.

I may not be the person to trust on this because I'm just getting started as a NJPW scion, but I really think he's going to be in the field this year. AJ Styles has made a huge splash in New Japan, and he comes from the same pedigree as Joe. I still think it's not a done deal, and I wouldn't be surprised if Joe never does even a tour for the company. But if you're New Japan and you want to make a splash internationally, wouldn't you want to have Joe in the fold and part of your biggest tournament of the year?

I'm not entirely familiar with the work of any Tiger Mask, but I appreciate the influence that Satoru Sayama had as the first one. As for without the hood, no question that my favorite Tiger Mask is Mitsuharu Misawa, whose work as the ace of All Japan in the '90s informed a lot of my early shithead smart-ass hardcore fandom.

I had a rough time shopping for Ric Flair, because what do you get the guy who invented the cool heel? I wracked my brain and wracked it and even asked people, but I found the perfect present for him. I got him Jim Herd shackled up in a pillory and three dozen rotten tomatoes to chuck at him. Seems like the perfect gift for the man.

Unless you meant Buddy Landel, in which I got him a tie. Cuz I didn't really know Buddy Landel. And Buddy Rogers is dead, man.

Nothing. ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

A lot of what's been announced so far has been pretty unappealing, and if you believe what the recent Smackdown spoilers indicate, then the rumored match that had me the most interested, Daniel Bryan vs. Sheamus, is just not happening. I hate to be the wet blanket, but not a whole lot looks appetizing this year. I hope Roman Reigns can succeed in his given role, but I have no hope for his match vs. Brock Lesnar being anything more than passable as a best case scenario. John Cena/Rusev is going to be like waiting for the other shoe to drop on yet another bauble (Rusev's fake-ass undefeated streak) laid in front of Cena as a sacrifice. Seth Rollins/Randy Orton could be good, but I am still not buying Rollins as a heel in the ring, and he annoys the shit out of me out of it. I want no parts of an Intercontinental Championship clusterfuck, and Bray Wyatt vs. the Undertaker is a no-win situation for anyone involved.

I guess by default, that makes the Andre the Giant battle royale my specific hook for this year, at least right now. Battle royales are fun, and the first three entrants - Ryback, Curtis Axel, and The Miz - are all fun dudes. Of course, my feelings could change as the builds for the individual matches progress, but right now, this year's Mania looks like a giant nosedive from last year's.

Naomi, Kimber Lee, Drew Gulak. Imagine that routine with Sir Mix-A-Lot performing live. That would be one ass-bonanza.

So, this story just sprouted out overnight and gained crazy legs despite a) the source material being written like the most wishfully-thought fantasy booking scenario, and b) having been debunked by The Site That Shall Not Be Linked getting word from a WWE PR rep. But someone on Reddit, fuckin' REDDIT, posted a long-winded spiel about the real reason why Brock Lesnar stormed out of RAW Monday. Basically, he alleged that Reigns failed a drug test, but Vince McMahon demanded that he not be suspended so as not to lose face for the Mania main event. Lesnar caught wind of it and left in a huff because he didn't want to put over a drug abuser, especially since UFC, his other potential landing spot after Mania, is having a big drug problem and he didn't want to be associated with it.

I don't want to say definitively that Reigns has or hasn't failed a drug test, because I don't know. No one knows, although I doubt that with the extra scrutiny that UFC is receiving for its drug problem that WWE would pick now to relax its Wellness Program. I also have no idea why Lesnar left in a huff. As of right now, no one knows, not Dave Meltzer, not Dolphins 1972, not anyone except for Lesnar and McMahon, and neither are talking. Meltzer, for what it's worth, doesn't think it'll affect the Mania main event, but he's been wrong before. So who knows.

I Listen So You Don't Have To: Cheap Heat Feb. 25

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The Cheap Heat crew tackles #GiveDivasAChance
Photo Credit: WWE.com
If you're new, here's the rundown: I listen to a handful of wrestling podcasts each week. Too many, probably, though certainly not all of them. In the interest of saving you time — in case you have the restraint to skip certain episodes — the plan is to give the bare bones of a given show and let you decide if it’s worth investing the time to hear the whole thing. There are better wrestling podcasts out there, of course, but these are the ones in my regular rotation that I feel best fit the category of hit or miss. If I can save other folks some time, I'm happy to do so.

Show: Cheap Heat
Episode: Feb. 25, 2015
Run Time: 54:17
Guest: Andrew Goldstein

Summary: Goldstein is in studio this week wit regular hosts Peter Rosenberg and David Shoemaker. The guys start by plugging their Radiolab appearance before moving quickly to the recent rumors surrounding WrestleMania 31 opponents Brock Lesnar and Roman Reigns, including fantasy booking an eight-man title tournament. They also talk about the #GiveDivasAChance movement and the lawsuit involving WWE’s doctor stemming from CM Punk’s appearance on Colt Cabana’s podcast. They try to find WWE’s analogue to oft-injured Chicago Bull Derek Rose before Goldstein delivers an impassioned defense of the Bushwhackers’ Hall of Fame credentials.

Quote of the week: Shoemaker: “We have no idea what’s happening. And I just want to say now that every single thing that we say from this point on is pure speculation and the wildest, most untrustworthy of rumors. None of us here know anything aside of what’s been spread around the Internet. So don’t take any of this, or take everything with all the grains of salt.”

Why you should listen: The show is tighter than usual this week. Aside from a diversion into discussion of the New York City hamburger scene, the three guys manage to give most topics sufficient attention. As unfounded as the rumors might be, it is the topic of the day in many circles, and they’re properly couched as potentially (heck, likely) baseless. Goldstein has done his homework on the Bushwhackers (nee Sheepherders) and makes several good points likely to be informative to the show’s general audience. Also, there’s hardly any overlap with Shoemaker’s Grantland writing for the week, and it’s nice to not have that redundancy.

Why you should skip it: There’s very little time spent looking backwards at Fast Lane, and even less time discussing much of anything current beyond the World Heavyweight Championship scene. The Divas discussion has promise, but almost as soon as AJ Lee’s name surfaces the talk shifts to the Punk lawsuit, ironically marginalizing women’s wrestling much the way WWE does on Raw. But primarily, the discussion of the Reigns rumor in particular could be considered in poor taste given how it appears to have no basis in fact.

Final thoughts: Rosenberg is more than tolerable this week, but Goldstein’s presence always gives occasion to wonder how much different Cheap Heat might be with just he and Shoemaker as hosts. The vitality of this episode rests squarely on your valuation of the Lesnar/Reigns backstage discussion. The last ten or so minutes on the Bushwhackers are the only thing I commend without reservation, though even that segment includes a few falsehoods and logical missteps, but I ended wishing they’d given that topic the bulk of the focus.

Big Dave on Roman Reigns and Daniel Bryan, and a Note about Promotion, the Fans, and Manipulation

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Reigns may or may not be ready, but if he's not, the blame can be on McMahon's lack of manipulation of the fans
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Dave Meltzer dedicated a huge block of text in the latest edition of the Wrestling Observer newsletter on the Fast Lane main event and its far-reaching implications about the mind of Vince McMahon. It is worth reading whether you're a subscriber or if you're like me, some shithead who read it away from the rest of the newsletter when it was re-posted at r/SquaredCircle. It's a longer read, and those who aren't familiar with/comfortable reading Meltzer's style of prose may struggle to get through it. However, I would exhort everyone to power through it, because the analysis is mostly solid. I would wholly disagree with his stinging jabs here and there that go back to his belief that Bryan is only "catchphrase over," but other than that, it's a solid look into the history of who has drawn and how all the leading factors that Vince McMahon seems to think create a draw aren't as hard and fast as history might suggest.

One line sticks out most conspicuously through its prescience:
I learned long ago that a good promoter listens to the fans, and a great promoter completely manipulates the fans.
The dirty truth in wrestling promotion is that while the fans are the best and most reliable focus group, giving them exactly what they want on more than a special occasion doesn't work as well as one thinks. For every satisfaction provided, a good promoter has to leave two dangling edges to keep the fans coming back. Additionally, wrestlers like Bryan, who came from the indies with a sizable prefab fanbase, don't come around with great frequency in this age of WWE hegemony. Sure, the company can keep coasting on fumes because of said dominance, but at some point, one might think McMahon would be interested in creating a star on his own.

The problem here is that Roman Reigns was not ever dead on arrival. He was the Hammer of The Shield, and fans quickly took to him as affectionately as they did the other two, more acclaimed, more storied members. Making him the heir apparent to John Cena was never the worst idea, but the execution of his rise to power was botched severely. Some might point to how he was handled upon his return from hernia surgery, but he wasn't lighting the world on fire right after Seth Rollins disbanded the group either. Meltzer danced around the biggest reason why, but he never explicitly wrote that Reigns was never over as an individual as much as he was a part of the group.

He had to be built up, and McMahon never put the effort in. Rollins was always Triple H's pet project, so the reason why he is where he is is backed up by months of homework. Dean Ambrose got over, sure, but it was in spite of terrible direction, and no one knows if he will ever recover, whether on his own merits or if WWE ever will get off its collective ass and realize what it has with him. Reigns got the least amount of work out of the gate. McMahon acted like a good promoter and pushed Reigns because the fans cheered for him as a member of The Shield, but he never manipulated them into a frenzy over him because he assumed that Reigns, the singular whole, was going to remain as over as he was as a part of a bigger cog.

If McMahon wanted to jam Reigns into the WrestleMania XXXI main event, he had two options. The first would have been to do some actual work getting him over as more than a shitty, nursery-rhyme spewing mouthpiece for his own shitty promo ideas. The second idea was to have never broken up The Shield in the first place. Both show the lack of creative range that exists within Titan Towers right now. No maxim ever existed that says a successful stable has to do stable things to remain a viable entry. Did the Four Horsemen exclusively work atomicos? Even in the recent past, Evolution never was the well-oiled machine that The Shield was as a stable. and conversely, The Shield was never given a chance NOT to play a role different than what it had been introduced as.

And so the Reigns/Brock Lesnar quandary isn't so much a tragedy just because of misunderstanding process and category as endgame like Meltzer suggests, but because it shows how lazy and unwilling to put in the work in manipulating the fans into buying Reigns that WWE and specifically McMahon has become. Malaise doesn't loom over the entirety of the company like it is over the main roster. NXT bookers and writers don't have any problem getting juice out of its roster, and it's not just because the best people who inhabit the territory are insanely talented at what they do best, from Sami Zayn and Kevin Owens all the way down the line to Tyler Breeze and Enzo Amore. But pride and sloth just seem to be in McMahon's way.

As an aside to the main thrust of this commentary, the final paragraphs of Meltzer's original piece are sobering as all hell from a business standpoint or a standpoint of importance within the greater narrative, if you care about these things. Sure, Bryan will continue to be the best wrestler in the goddamn world, and as long as he can go 10-20 minutes with the WWE's rogues' gallery in any given match, he'll remain absolutely golden from an artistic point of view. But the picture of him as the world's most technically proficient Hacksaw Jim Duggan? Yeah, that mental image is so plausible that I can see it now.

Best Coast Bias: KOwned

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Waiting for KO
Photo Credit: WWE.com
In the ring, Finn Bálor was doing it to THE Brian Kendrick. At the announce table, Kevin Owens was doing it to Alex Riley. One victim is a sympathetic man doing the best he can do despite some delusions of grandeur and the other is famous for cosplaying Al Bundy's Polk High years and being slightly less annoying than the Miz. These divergent woods came together in the main event for the last NXT episode of February 2015, and while Owens and Bálor have yet to actually engage each other beyond mere words at separate times they're doing a fine job of illustrating the difference between chaotic good and chaotic evil.

Bálor is the former, the man who stepped into the ring undefeated and took down the longest-reigning interim WWE champion ever by surviving a MurderDeathKill leg lariat and an AlmostSomehowEvenWorse bridging Tiger suplex to pull off a win with his signature trioka of Sling Blade into the shotgun dropkick hand on the pump into the Coup de Grâce. Good as Kendrick looked and as hard-hitting as it was, with Finn holding the #1 contendership and cutting a swath of destruction in Full Sail since his fall debut the outcome wasn't ever in doubt. Fortunately, to counter balance that out, the NXT champion was dans la maison for the last show before that pesky Sami Zayn fellow comes back from injury and Abu Dhabi. (Garfield and Friends aficionados, please note the use of AD is literal in this case.)

At first Owens was content to talk up the joy of his children getting to play with the Big X back home and cast a little shade at Bálor for not moving in for the kill on a temporarily incapacitated Kendrick, but when Riley started asking if his title-garnering pummeling at Rival had more to do with the personal than the professional, the French Canadian Murder Bear let his already thin mask of sanity slip. He then proceeded with glee and venom to inform the former main roster member that his ruthlessness and bloodthirsty nature were features and not bugs in his way to become champion, something Riley would know Jacques and Merde about. Temporarily silenced, when the five did deign to talk to the ten again he noted he wouldn't have done that to a long-time friend, thus causing the champ to leave before the break before he'd do something he regret.

After a post-match staredown between the Champion and future challenger Owens with Bálor encouraging the former to get in the ring and threw hands, Owens returned to the table and used them to give Riley a free flight over it, one that has the former NXT star hoping to reinsert himself into the active side of the roster much to the chagrin of the Villain in Charge. The only real problem is, unless you're Rich Brennan or Tom Phillips (trying to protect Riley after the fact as a sort of ersatz Vince McMahon, thus making Corey Graves a psuedo-Piper to Owens the Giant in this analogy), it's not exactly been an exemplary week to be an ex-wrestler doing commentary for NXT, has it? The two fifteen-year-olds in a C.M. Punk suit constituting of Graves spent most of the week mansplaining online, and Riley is about as beloved amongst a smart audience as mold in guacamole. Rest assured if this is the mechanism that puts Riley back in a more active role and they end up having the teased match a familiar chant will go up from the audience faster than you can get to the end of this sentence. But then again, maybe that's the point; maybe we've had the animal wrong all along. It's entirely possible he's the French Canadian Murder Honey Badger - he did debut by throwing C.J. Parker in the air and letting him go splat. It could easily point to another difference between his evil of fighting on his terms whomever he wants because he can and Finn's willingness to only do that fairly between the ropes to date. Either way, the champ has a lot of orbs he's trying to juggle into March between Bálor's eventual challenge, Zayn coming back imminently and Owens/Zayn II already set in the books via the rematch clause, and possibly beating up Alex Riley so badly that the internet explodes in a joygasm that would look as if it fired out of a unicorn's genitals.

Speaking of such colorful, bright and sparkly things Hideo Itami got laid out with one after he Sick Kicked Bull Dempsey further down the ladder in the show's opener. Guess who did it? Oh, come on! It's not fun if you don't guess. Yes, Tyler Breeze had won the day, and decided to commemorate the moment by putting 2015's entry into the Heel Accessory Hall Of Fame up in the air to take a self-centered survey of the gorgeous layout and laying out. Unfortunately for him, as he was working out his angles, Itami was pulling himself up off the deck. And he was Not Amused; a few kicks later, and Breeze went scurrying into the night.

It was that kind of Wednesday night, where the message was the medium. KO got tired of A-Ry's crap and used him as his own personal handrag to clean a table. Breeze got tired of Itami's arrival superseding the work he'd already put in and laid him out with something out of a combination Cat Fancy and sex dungeon, even if only for a few moments. Jason Jordan responded to Tye Dillinger's hogging the match against the Lucha Dragons by leaving him to get double-teamed, Dillinger responded by calling him and then anybody else out to fight, and Baron Corbin responded to that by trucking the Canadian in about :22.

And Becky Lynch responded by damn near ripping Bayley's arm out of its socket. Kudos to Lynch for expanding her submission hegemony by figuring out another way to do it via a modified cross armbreaker, but poor Bay. On a show where the divas actually get a chance to the point where the last major advertising of the evening was a thirty-second clip dedicated wholly to the Sasha Banks/Charlotte title rematch next week, the only thing missing in the latest chapter of the Bayley/Lynch contretemps was more time. As it was, it still got the point across. The pumphandle suplex Lynch debuted against her (former?) best friend Sasha in the four-way at Rival also trucked Bayley's business, and her European uppercuts looked crisp and snappy as well. Never one to fall without showing her determination Bayley fired back and even did some rabbit punching before some step-up corner back elbows that've become her signature. But Lynch was able to counter a possible super Bayley-to-belly and hang the left arm up on the top rope, leading to her being able to reverse a standard b2b attempt into a Fujiwara before transitioning that into the game-ender. No wonder the crowd was chanting for both women as the match continued on (not nearly long enough, but still); in WWE, they'd rather show a video package and cause a hashtag to be spawned while focusing on promoting their reality show, leading to an environment where nobody could possibly care and you feel foolish for even trying vs. NXT which just sticks to Wrestling 101 before advancing to 201, 301, 401 and eventually 451 and deriving entertainment out of the sport in a land where women aren't just crazy props, multiple titles have heft and weight, and instead of feeling stupid for caring one can easily care even while seeing how the magician is doing their tricks and be captivated all the same.

So if your Sunday best isn't pressed yet or you need to put some popcorn in the popper, get what you need get done done. NXT's such a magical fairy tale land it looks like they're even about to make murder entertaining.

Smackdown: Friendship is Magic

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IT'S A NEXUS REUNION!
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Should Be Friends Again...Or Rivals...Or Whatever – Daniel Bryan and Bad News Barrett
Whenever two or more former Nexus members interact in any way, my mind immediately goes to “OMG Nexus reunion!” and it's all I can think about for the rest of the night. On Smackdown, Barrett came out to interrupt Bryan just as he was about to tell us his new and improved Wrestle Mania plans in order to awkwardly segue into his own current dilemma involving Dean Ambrose. Bryan teased not giving the Intercontinental Championship belt back to Barrett and then helped Ambrose deliver some physical bad news to the hapless Brit (seriously, how do I not feel terrible for Barrett in this situation?). This seemed to indicate that Bryan might get inserted into the Intercontinental picture. The match between the two that happened later in the show was a lot of fun, though entirely too short (the same can be said for the match that Ambrose won against the Miz), and I'd like to see them face off some more. Or they could team up and re-unite the Nexus. Either way I win. All of these Intercontinental shenanigans are undoubtedly part of the Nexus' mysterious master plan anyway.

Most Imaginary Friendship – Natalya and Naomi
They're doing that thing again where two people are fighting and we get bombarded with “Oh no! They used to be best friends and now it's come to this!” Natalya and Naomi were acquaintances at best. Maybe they were occasionally chummy. They were not best friends. I have to say, though, that I appreciate the attempt to manufacture a history for them so that their feud isn't so blatantly an accessory to their husbands.' The two women had a decent match. It wasn't particularly well paced and felt a bit choppy in nature, but I still enjoyed it. I like Natalya morphing into a villain rather than playing the put-upon wife and I like that, even though the Usos and Tyson Kidd and Cesaro did get into it at ringside, it didn't totally detract from the women's match, which was my biggest fear going in. If Naomi can develop a character other than “supports her awful husband for some reason” I will be happier still.

Deserves A Friend – Byron Saxton
Byron Saxton has really endeared himself to me since joining the Smackdown commentary team. He's the heel commentator that my soul needed – delivering calm, measured analysis that is clearly bullshit, but he delivers it in such a convincing way that you almost believe that the Miz really is looking out for Mizdow's best interests. Saxton never feels the need to shriek about anything and he just stonewalls all of Jerry Lawler's stupid jokes. I love him. Unfortunately he is frequently the brunt of everyone else's bullshit, from Lawler and Cole to R-Truth, who, while on guest commentary during Bryan and Barrett's match, started up a bit wherein he mistook Saxton for Jonathan Coachman and referred to him as “Coach” throughout the match. It was painful, particularly when punctuated by the other two chowderheads' chortling. Saxton kept up his glorious deadpan (“would someone notify this man of my true identity?”) and kept valiantly trying to steer the conversation back to the match at hand, as well as the valid concern about people just swiping the Intercontinental belt whenever they feel like it. It was all in vain. Saxton's struggle, coupled with Barrett's terribly tired and defeated look when he found his title had been stolen yet again just made me want the both of them to run away together to a place where they will never have to deal with any of these idiots ever again.

My New Friend – Curtis Axel
I never had much use for Curtis Axel in the past. I still don't, really. And yet something about him screaming “AxelMania!” like a maniac, accompanied by a clock keeping track of how long he's been in the Royal Rumble, is oddly charming to me. He lost to Fandango, but won a place in my heart.

Best Friends – The Rosebuds
The Rosebuds are so helpful to everyone. I mean, aside from Adam Rose, whom they have taken to dropping. They let Tyson Kidd, Cesaro, and Summer Rae disguise themselves in their midst. One of them lent Paige her clothes in a time of need. They briefly saved Kofi Kingston from elimination during the Royal Rumble. And this week Stardust joined in as a sock monkey in order to attack Goldust after yet another short match that had a promising beginning against Adam Rose (the theme of this week was apparently matches that started out strong and then abruptly finished so we could get to as many recaps and promos as possible). Commentary was shocked and insisted that “No one even saw this coming!” because apparently none of us have ever watched wrestling or anything to do with the Rosebuds before.

Most Stagnant Friendship – Ryback, Erick Rowan, and Dolph Ziggler
Enough with these three and the same old song. Survivor Series was almost three months ago, but from the way their matches are billed you'd think they'd just been fired and re-hired yesterday. It's over, and despite what commentary desperately wants us to believe, none of them have done anything remotely defiant since coming back. This week, Ryback won against Kane, Erick Rowan lost to Big Show, and Dolph Ziggler lost to Seth Rollins, with the matches allegedly occurring as yet more “punishment” for not agreeing with the Authority or whatever. None of the matches were particularly interesting, with perhaps the exception of Ziggler/Rollins, though since J&J Security were barred from ringside, thereby depriving me of FRIENDSHIP, I wasn't feeling very charitable towards their match. There was no point to any of it other than to set up a match at Fast Lane and I'm completely over this whole thing. The true Authority – Stephanie McMahon and Triple H – haven't done anything particularly villainous lately that requires standing up to. It's time for everyone involved to move on. “Hey, isn't that the exact same thing you wrote last week even though this week was a three-on-three match?” YUP. If they aren't going to try, then I'm going to try even less. We'll see who wins this battle of apathy. I will give the least amount of fucks, WWE. Do you hear me? I WILL GIVE THE LEAST AMOUNT OF FUCKS.

Who To Know for the TWB 100: Fred Yehi

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Yehi, shown here headlocking Jimmy Rave, had a phenomenal 2014
Photo Credit: Harold Jay Taylor/Headlocks and Headshots
Another year is in the books, so another round of evaluating and ranking wrestlers is looming on the horizon. The TWB 100 will be happening again this year, and while the announcement will not come until the first or second week of March, it doesn't mean you don't have to worry about your ballot until then. Perhaps you feel secure in your ballot right now, but odds are, wrestlers exist who are off your radar that could use a little studying up upon. I am here to help you with your homework in that department.

Wrestler: Fred Yehi

Who Is He?: Yehi came up as a backyard wrestler before turning his hobby/pastime into a legitimate career. He blew up down in the Atlanta area, competing mostly for Platinum Championship Wrestling before branching out into other parts of the state of Georgia. Yehi has gotten some attention from companies like Beyond Wrestling and NWA Smoky Mountain.

What's His Deal?: Back in 2012 when I first took notice of him, his bread and butter was working amazingly stiff, amazingly fast counters and mat grappling in some of the most rough-and-tumble matches against a variety of opponents. He's actually turned heel in many promotions and hybridized his game to include a lot of theatrical, highly demonstrative gestures and cheap shot moves, which has made his wrestling style even more accessible and entertaining.

Why You Should Consider Him For Your Ballot: Yehi is one of the best individual performers going right now, and he may be the most talented, charismatic, and gifted performer not currently under contract with either WWE or New Japan Pro Wrestling. His versatility makes him accessible to anyone looking for any style, and his new turn as an overstuffed egomaniac has added several new wrinkles to his wrestling that not only enhances his own performance but puts over the other guy like gangbusters. You will have to put in work to find his matches, but that searching will reward you the minute you click play. He's a seminal talent, and his 2014 was sublime.

Matches to Watch:

vs. Chase Owens, Southern Fried Championship Wrestling 1 Year Anniversary Shindig, 6/14


vs. Jonathan Gresham, WWA4 Wrestling School Free Match, 8/28


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