Well, well, well, the weekend has arrived once more. America has survived the polar vortex, and not it is time to party with pro wrestling. Events are happening everywhere in the world, and if you wanna know where all of them are, check out Pro Wrestling Events. The shows listed below will be the marquee ones of the weekend, though. Check 'em out.

FRIDAY

St. Louis Anarchy will be hitting up the Knights of Columbus in Alton, IL for Benefit Bash. Proceeds from the show will go to the Davis family, who lost everything in a fire. The doors open at 6:30 PM local time, and the show will be headlined by a huge tag match. SLA Champion Gerald "Gary Jay" James will team with Metro Pro Champion Jeremy Wyatt against the Sex Bob-Ombs of Mat Fitchett and Davey Vega. Jojo Bravo will get a test of strength as he goes up against Michael Elgin. Will Elgin be able to lift the Heaviest Sumo in the Land? B-Boy will have a hell of a debut match in the company as he goes up against ACH. Kyle O'Reilly battles Evan Gelistico, Bolt Brady takes on Mike Sydal, and appearances are scheduled by the Hooligans, Angelus Layne, and Matt Cage. Most importantly? Draft beer is $2!

EVOLVE starts out their weekend tripleshot in Florida at the Orpheum in Ybor City, FL at 9 PM local time with their 25th show. It will be available on WWN Live. Five matches have been announced, with four of them getting "main event" billing. Those four matches are as follows. AR Fox has an open contract for anyone to take a shot at his EVOLVE Championship. Johnny Gargano will team with the Bravado Bros. against Rich Swann and the Young Bucks. Chris Hero will battle Ricochet as he runs the gauntlet, and Trent? will defend the Full Impact Pro Heavyweight Championship against Anthony Nese. The other announced match will be a "once in a lifetime" fray match, the winner getting an Open the Freedom Gate Championship opportunity against Gargano at EVOLVE 27. The competitors are Jon Davis, Chuck Taylor, Uhaa Nation, Caleb Konley, and Lince Dorado.

SATURDAY

Combat Zone Wrestling will be Answering the Challenge from the Flyers Skate Zone in Voorhees, NJ at 7:30 PM Eastern Standard Time. If you can't get there live, check the show out on CZW Internet pay-per-view. The main event will see Lucky 13 challenging for Drew Gulak's World Championship. BLK Jeez and Joker will also defend their Tag Team Championships on the show against the Beaver Boys of Alex Reynolds and John Silver. Chris Dickinson will clash with seemingly eternal rival Biff Busick, and Shane Strickland, Azrieal, and Pepper Parks will tangle in a three-way match. In tag action, the Irish Airborne will battle JT Dunn and David Starr. Also appearing on the show will be Kimber Lee, Masada, Tremendous Investigations, and Greg Excellent.

IWA Mid-South's Out with the Old, In with the New comes at you live from the Colgate Gym in Clarksville, IN, doors opening at 6:35 PM local time. The main event is a veritably extreme dream match coming to life, Drake Younger coming in from the West Coast to take on Eddie Kingston. Christian Rose will take on B-Boy, while BJ Whitmer's comeback continues against Jonathan Gresham. In the most interesting match of the evening, Gary Jay will make his IWA-MS debut against Necro Butcher. Also on the show will be the rest of the Submission Squad and Mickie Knuckles.

EVOLVE 26, also on WWN Live, will take place at the Downtown Orlando Recreation Complex in Orlando, FL. The bell time is 8 PM. The main event will pit Rich Swann and a mystery partner against his partners from the night before, the Young Bucks. AR Fox will team with Uhaa Nation to take on Johnny Gargano and Jon Davis. Chris Hero's second gauntlet match puts him against Anthony Nese, while Ricochet and Trent? will take to the skies. The Bravado Bros. will defend their Open the United Gate Championships against Los Ben Dejos. Chuck Taylor clashes with Maxwell Chicago, Su Yung wrestles Mia Yim, and Caleb Konley will go up against Lince Dorado.

CWF Mid Atlantic's New Year's Knockout will be held at the Mid-Atlantic Sportatorium in Gibsonville, NC at 7:30 PM local time. Among those appearing on the show will be Cedric Alexander, Arik Royal, the Mecha Mercenary, and Trevor Lee.

Anarchy Wrestling comes to you live from the Anarchy Arena in Cornelia, GA at 8 PM local time. The star-studded lineup includes AJ Styles, Matt Striker, Mikael Judas, Shaun Tempers, Gunner, "Hit for Hire" Bobby Moore, Mike Posey, Sal Rinauro, and Iceberg.

Deep Southern Championship Wrestling will hit up the DSCW Arena in Blue Ridge, GA, doors opening at 7 PM local. Among those scheduled to appear on the show are Kyle Matthews, Cyrus the Destroyer, and Torque.

NWA Smoky Mountain will follow up their huge co-show with Beyond Wrestling last weekend with a date at the National Guard Armory in Rogersville, TN. How will Chase Owens react after losing the NWA Jr. Heavyweight Championship to Ricky Morton?

Monster Factory in Paulsboro, NJ will host a show tomorrow night as well, doors opening at 6:30 PM. Colt Cabana, the Blue Meanie, and Cliff Compton are those scheduled to appear.

SUNDAY

EVOLVE 27, the finale of the weekend also on WWN Live, will come to you live from the Edge Concert Hall in Jacksonville, FL at 8 PM. Johnny Gargano will defend the Open the Freedom Gate Championship against whoever wins the fray match at EVOLVE 25. Rich Swann battles Jon Davis in a grudge match, while AR Fox and Ricochet take on Anthony Nese and a mystery partner. The Young Bucks and Bravado Bros. will split up and take each other on in singles matches. Matt Jackson gets Harlem Bravado, while Nick faces off against Lancelot. Uhaa Nation takes on Lince Dorado. Closing out the action will be a six-way freestyle match, competitors being Trent?, Jay Rios, Caleb Konley, Jonny Vandal, Eddie Cruz, and Maxwell Chicago.

The Oceanview Pavillion in Port Hueneme, CA will play host to the next round of television tapings for Championship Wrestling from Hollywood. Scorpio Sky will defend the Hollywood Heritage Championship against Ryan Taylor, while Matt Striker, Nick Madrid, Willie Mack, the RockNES Monsters, PPRay, Joey Ryan, and Adam Pearce are all slated for appearance.

Alpha-1 Wrestling's Chaos Cup takes place at Club 77 in Hamilton, ON, with doors opening at 3:30 PM local time. Ethan Page will battle Cheech Hernandez for the former's Alpha Male Championship, while the titular tournament will play out during the card, culminating in a five-way final match. Scheduled to appear are Louis Lyndon, Leah von Dutch, Scotty O'Shea, and Tadarius Thomas.

Wrestling is happening nearly everywhere this weekend. Even if you don't see a show in your area above, check back to Pro Wrestling Events and see where you can see a show live. Remember, wrestling is an art, and art can only grow and flourish with support. You might even find the favorite promotion or wrestler that you didn't even know you had yet.

SURPRISE UNDERTAKER Photo Credit: WWE.com

Winners: None
Final four: Randy Orton (4th, 2007)
Multiple draws: Miz (2008, 2010)
Longest: Undertaker (2009), 32:29
Shortest: Mo (1995): 0:03.
Most eliminations: Three — Undertaker (2009)

Love him or hate him, the current WWE World Heavyweight Champion Randy Orton is one of the greatest Royal Rumble competitors of all time. We covered that at length during a look at his performance from the No. 8 spot in 2009. But it bears repeating Orton has made the final four five times, an exclusive club whose only other members are Shawn Michaels, Steve Austin and Glenn “Kane” Jacobs.

But it’s the Undertaker, one of six men to make three final fours, who should get the nod as the best No. 16 ever. He has both the longest ring time (32:29) and most eliminations (three) from the spot, though he missed the final four by one spot. Big Show is credited with eliminating the Undertaker, though the former technically was already eliminated from the bout.

Near the end of the contest, Big Show and Undertaker spilled over the top rope, though neither man hit the floor. As they fought on the ring apron, Orton hit Big Show with an RKO, sending him to the floor. Show then pulled Undertaker off the apron. Some might argue this should not be considered an official elimination since Show was already eliminated — the same as giving Hulk Hogan credit for eliminating the Big Boss Man in 1989 or for his help ousting Sid Justice in 1992 — others contend Big Show deserves the plus-one for getting ‘Taker over the ropes in the first place. Right now I take the latter stance, though I could be convinced to switch. It would just take me a few minutes to update my spreadsheets.

Before all that nonsense at the end, Undertaker eliminated JTG, Shelton Benjamin and Chris Jericho. For a guy who eliminated 32 wrestlers over ten Rumbles (fourth all time), that’s about average. But Undertaker also is ninth on the list of cumulative ring time at 2:22:34, an average of just 14:15. This and his showing the prior year, when he lasted four seconds longer (entering at No. 1 and also recording three eliminations) are by far his two best showings in terms of endurance. In fact, although his average is 14:15, his third-best time is 14:16 and all the rest range between four and 14 minutes.

It’s easy enough to say Undertaker is the best No. 16 ever because the competition is fairly light. Of the more than 800 credited eliminations in Rumble history, the No. 16 entrant has accounted for only 15 — total, second-worst. Seventeen of 26 men who entered 16th eliminated no one, also second-worst. Eleven No. 17s lasted less than five minutes, including the delightful stretch from 1995-1999, when five men combined to last 11:02 and make one elimination. The biggest loser is Mo, of Men on a Misson, who recorded all of three seconds in 1995, widely accepted as the worst Royal Rumble ever.

The one elimination of that sorry string is credited to Mankind in 1998. He was in the ring for 2:40, landing at 29th on my completely useless list of “shortest duration with at least one elimination.” No other No. 16 makes the top 30. And again, we’re counting that showing as a separate entry from Mick Foley’s other two appearances in the same Rumble.

Also in minutiae, it’s worth noting Shawn Michaels singlehandedly eliminated No. 16 three years in a row, 2005-2007. He also is credited for being one of seven men who eliminated Mabel in 1993. HBK was in the 1989 Rumble, which memorably started with tag team partners Ax and Smash of Demolition entering sequentially, the first of only seven times that’s happened. The second time it happened was later the same match, when Arn Anderson and Tully Blanchard of the Brain Busters entered at 16 and 17. One of the two men The Enforcer eliminated that year? Shawn Michaels.

The Miz is the only men to enter twice at No. 16. Though he was eliminated by the lowly Hornswoggle in 2008, he was in the ring for 13:07. He lasted just 17 seconds in 2010, as detailed during a look at MVP’s seven-second, one elimination record from the No. 14 spot.

But man… back to Mo. Only three seconds, the shortest time in the shortest (and worst) Rumble ever. It was so bad he was one of two guys to last only three seconds that year, though at least Owen Hart had an excuse (see post on No. 11 for details).

The last thing to be said about No. 16 relates to its most recent occupant, the current NXT Champion Bo Dallas. 2013 was the first year for WWE’s Royal Rumble FanFest, part of which was an eight-man tournament earning the winner a spot in the next night’s Rumble. Dallas won the tournament and became the first active member of the NXT roster to be in the Rumble. He lasted 21:42 and eliminated Intercontinental Champion Wade Barrett, the fourth-longest showing of any No. 16.

Dallas’ night ended when a scorned Barrett (himself a decorated NXT alum) illegally eliminated the youngster. Dallas beat the Brit in a nontitle match the next night on Raw but lost to him in a title bout on NXT in late April. A lot has happened with Bo Dallas (the character) between then and now, and there’s a few other NXT stars much more deserving of the kind of rub possible from a Rumble showing in 2014. But there’s also a concern of a repeat of the same story with different wrestlers turning it from a potential plot engine into a formulaic trope. As such, and along with plenty of other stories swirling about on the road to WrestleMania XXX and the ongoing murkiness regarding how much of NXT exists in the WWE Universe as seen on Raw, Smackdown and pay-per-view, my stance is this one is better left on the sidelines for at least another year.

The above is Taz's new headshot. He proudly debuted it on Twitter, and it's even his avatar. The shot is professional and tasteful, everything one should want when getting a picture taken for professional dissemination. In my opinion, he should be proud of it. However, the above picture, the classy, polished development with the rehearsed, cheesy pose, is a far cry from, well, this:

Photo Credit: WWE.com

Again, I am not passing negative judgment on the headshot. Taz grew up, which is cool. A guy looking for voice related work probably shouldn't look like he's about ready to rip your throat out. But the difference in appearance 15 years between is jarring, almost as if Taz, the Human Suplex Machine, and Taz, the jovial, sometimes confused announcer are different people. Shifts in personality are not uncommon in wrestling, but something about Taz going from the world beating buzzsaw to mediocre, gladhanding announcer with a glossy headshot is especially disconcerting.

Where did Taz go wrong? What should have been his big career break, signing with WWE, ended up being his undoing. He debuted at Madison Square Garden of all places, the WWE's most famous arena, ended Kurt Angle's winning streak at a Big Four pay-per-view. His debut was one of the most impactful in company history, but after they left the Royal Rumble, he fell off a cliff.

I don't know the reason why he didn't catch on. Obviously, injuries played a role in his sputter-start, but those problems didn't happen until the summer. What befell him between the Rumble and the King of the Ring tournament that year? Some speculate that Vince McMahon's size fetish played a role, although the rumor is that even he regretted having Triple H defeat him when he was ECW Champion for that short spell during the Mike Awesome fiasco. Rumblings suggest that Taz got a giant ego when he arrived backstage, and if the folklore of wrestling holds true, nothing is worse in a locker room than a new guy with a big head.

Some even speculate that maybe Taz in WWE wasn't meant to be. Playing "what if?" can be dangerous but fun. However, I think enough evidence is there to suggest that Taz was the most over guy in ECW. Obviously, ECW crowds were smaller and thought to be more passionate than WWE crowds, but shouldn't common logic dictate that if an act is popular in front of a smaller crowd, that you should give it a shot in front of a larger crowd? If an act kills with five people, then it should be tried in front of 50. Then if it succeeds there, 500, then 5000, then 20,000, and then finally, in front of millions on television. That process is how a small burger joint in Virginia called Five Guys becomes a nationwide presence.

Taz could've succeeded, but he didn't. I would argue that for whatever reason, the disparity between his runs in ECW and WWE illustrate the difference in philosophy between the processes in each company. In ECW, Paul Heyman was able to take spare parts, misfits, and castoffs and create a dynamic environment where drunk slobs like James Fullington could be cult heroes, where everymen like Tom Loughlin could be a lovable loser, and where a tiny, stocky Pete Senerchia could be an absolute wrecking ball. He tried his best to hide weaknesses and accentuate strengths.

Meanwhile, in WWE, Vince McMahon seems to have his way. He will send a wrestler out into a spot that fits into his vision, regardless of whether it exposes a glaring flaw in his character or a gap in training. He always seemed to have left room for guys to freelance and get over by themselves, but from day one of national expansion, the modus operandi of Titan Sports has been to find talent and shove them into roles defined by McMahon and his braintrust, whether they fit there (like Hulk Hogan) or not (like Rocky Maivia).

However, eventually, McMahon found a role that Taz could shine in. And that role was what set him on the path to his headshot above. Obviously, the Taz that I wanted to succeed didn't, but the guy behind the role found something that fit him. Isn't success for people you're a fan of, no matter what the avenue of said career happiness is accomplished? For awhile, Taz wasn't half-bad as a color commentator. When he moved to TNA and stopped caring, yeah, he became as appealing as a dead dog's innards, but still, he was entertaining on Smackdown.

So I've come full circle, and a lot of this is just verbal exposition on a guy whose career has been enigmatic if not successful in its own way. I guess I just felt like writing about Taz after seeing him post his headshot. Funny where inspiration comes from, I guess.

The Mohawk stays hype all night, even with really long shows Photo Credit: Texas Anarchy

It's Twitter Request Line time, everyone! I take to Twitter to get questions about issues in wrestling, past and present, and answer them on here because 140 characters can't restrain me, fool! If you don't know already, follow me @tholzerman, especially around Friday night after Smackdown, and wait for the call. Anyway, time to go!

Derriere connoisseur @GayWrestlingFan kicks off the Tweet Bag this week asking what the ideal length of a live wrestling show is.

My answer is going to be really annoying, but the ideal show time depends on the quality of the card. Austin promotions like ACW and Inspire Pro book marathon cards that are generally well-received. The crowds seem to be hot throughout the show. Beyond Wrestling seems to take that approach as well, or at least they did with the finals to Tournament for Tomorrow 2. Normally, I like to be in and out of a wrestling show in under three hours though, but I've also been blessed to go to shows where the action has mostly been awesome.

However, I think last year, National Pro Wrestling Day was an example of an event that universally and objectively went too long. An all-day festival is a great idea in theory, and the action on the show, with the exception of a few misses here and there, was no doubt great to the point where I felt bad for John McChesney and Logan Shulo for having to go on that late. I think if one wants to book a show that long, they need to have a lot more stuff to do than either watch the action or shop for merch.

@OkoriWadsworth asks if I've ever played any Call of Duty games, and if so, which one is my favorite.

The last game like that I played was Halo for the original X-Box, so no. Of all the new-type games, those war simulating shooters are the least tantalizing to me, but I also admit that I'm not really much of a gamer anymore. The only games I like and want to get into are franchise entries from Nintendo and shitty simple little smartphone games like Fruit Ninja. I'm an adult with a child right now, so I need to figure out which of my former hobbies and interests I want to allocate how much energy to. Obviously, wrestling is first, because I love it and write about it. After that comes football, because I have a thing for watching people get concussed, don't I? Gaming takes a lot of energy to keep up with, and a lot of money. I still love video games, but at this point, I'm gonna keep with the titles I know or anything someone strongly recommends.

Benevolent (for now) mechanical being @robot_hammer asks what if Triple H is using the New Age Outlaws as plants by Triple H in order to gain CM Punk's trust?

Oh man, that plot would be outstanding, wouldn't it? Punk was trashing Trips less than a month ago, but I wonder who's playing whom here? Punk's not stupid, right? He has to know that if the Outlaws were Trips' flunkies BEFORE he married into the most powerful family in wrestling, they'd be sucking on that teat of influence even harder now that he's in charge. So maybe he's the one playing the Authority here. Either way, some kind of foul plot on either side is preferable to the apparent status quo where CM Punk is now just another stupid, milquetoast WWE top babyface. Man, Summer of 2011 Punk would slap the taste out of 2014 Punk's mouth so hard.

Ice-fishing enthusiast @Jessico09 asks if I like the Despicable Me films.

I'll be honest, I'm usually not keen on non-Pixar/Disney computer animated fare, because a lot of it follows a similar path with a lot of the same tired tropes. A lot of them occur in the DM movies, but I think they are honestly the best of the Dreamworks camp for me. The Minions have a lot to do with that, but the scripts for both movies have a lot of genuine heart.

@Roxanne1717 wants a turkey and cheese on 12-grain bread.

ORDER UP!


Pro Wrestling Update auteur Jonathan Sullivan asks my thoughts on DGUSA/EVOLVE going widescreen high definition.

The move is a definite improvement. All indie companies should be looking into HD equipment if they can afford it, and given that the Sapolsky/Hamaoui WWNLive empire has grown to distribute so many companies' material, they certainly have the money to do so. I'm also interested in their Roku channel, which is going to have to be something more indie companies/distributors need to look into because...

Strong Island rep @mikepankowski asks what are the first five classic events I'm going to watch when I get WWE Network.

...the WWE Network just led the market in terms of distribution again. Anyway, answering the question:

Survivor Series '97 - If only because I gotta prepare for my go on the What A Maneuver podcast.
WrestleMania X-7 - After obligations, gotta lead with strength, right? This show might not be the best pay-per-view ever, but it's certainly my favorite Mania ever.
Bash at the Beach '96 - I missed it when it happened, so I pretty much have to watch one of the most historic wrestling events ever.
Living Dangerously '98 - Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Taz, where they fell through the ring. Yup.
Starrcade '85 - Gotta watch Tully Blanchard/Magnum TA in the cage, right? I've been told it's the best cage match ever, and I wanna see for myself.

Phillies enthusiast @wildvulture wants to know if I'm going to do a coordinated live-tweeting of a classic event when I get the WWE Network.

Coordinated live tweeting is the new hotness right now, isn't it? I actually dig the concept, and when WWE Network launches, I would totally love to get one of these off the ground. However, what would be better, a classically good event like Mania X-7 or Money in the Bank '11, or a WrestleCrap bad one to do Mystery Science Theater 3000 style like Uncensored '96 or December to Dismember '06? I guess I'll have to figure that out when the Network launches, won't I?

Wrestling fandom's foremost ex-theologian @el_spriggs asks if February is the most exciting month in recent history with the Network and National Pro Wrestling Day.

Uh, yeah? Plus, Brock Lesnar and Batista possibly being at Elimination Chamber, LuFisto and Athena returning to Womens Superstars Uncensored, and various AJ Styles dates around the indies. February is going to be a bell-weather month for wrestling on the whole, but I feel a bit of a cold front directed towards National Pro Wrestling Day. Mainly, I've heard rumblings that fewer talents and a less-diverse roster is going to make it not as special. I disagree. Sure, the roster might not be as varied as last year (and remember, they're still announcing combatants in the slow-release style), but I think any event that draws fans from around the country and allows friends to see each other to share in the God-chalice known as wrestling is exciting enough.

Official TWB Royal Rumble statistician Scott T. Holland asks if another NXT Tournament should be held for a Rumble spot, and if so, who should win.

Not only do I think they absolutely should engage in the tournament this year, but they should do it every year. Now, who should win and get the spot in the Rumble? I have two philosophies on this. One is giving the slot to a WWE-ready wrestler like Adrian Neville or Sami Zayn and use it as a launching spot for their career. The other? Let Bo Dallas win again, and win every year in perpetuity until he's ready to make the main roster. Why? Dallas may never make it out of NXT. I love him right now, but his current persona, as the best possible Rocky Maivia, would need a lot of rebooting on the main roster, but as a trope to help him be the best NXT heel ever, yeah, I love it. He could be the equivalent of Wooderson or Uncle Rico, always living off his cups of coffee while the Xavier Woodses and Antonio Cesaros keep lapping him and making the main roster in an impactful way.

Fellow Kommentariat member @FosterVsWorld asks what is to be done with the second Money in the Bank ladder match if the titles stay unified.

I would do away with it completely and just have the singular ladder match for the one shot at the WWE World Heavyweight Championship. However, if they were to keep two, I would go one of two options. First, I would make it for the Divas Championship. Obviously, WWE would have to show a lot more faith towards women for that to happen, but the roster is there. Summer Rae, Nattie Neidhart, AJ Lee, Naomi, the Bella Twins, Emma, Paige, and Alicia Fox are all capable in their own way in the ring. They could comprise a pretty good ladder match if given regular reps on TV or in house shows.

The other option would be a Tag Team Championship Money in the Bank match. They could go the traditional option and have tag teams compete as units for one briefcase, and the match would still be fantastic. I love the idea of integrating teamwork into the fray as a new wrinkle for the match, almost like the old TLC tag matches on steroids. However, I would love to see a match with two briefcases above, and for the match not to end until two people, regardless of whether they're on the same team or not, grab a briefcase apiece, comprising of one Tag Team Championship shot for the two of them. It would add some psychology to the match if existing tag teams were in it (the guy who grabbed the first briefcase would now have to play defense to ensure his partner gets it), or it could be a great way to put a mongrel tag team together out of the ether.

The @LadyNeartheLake asks how I'd book a theoretical Undertaker/Daniel Bryan match buildup to Mania leading from the Wyatt story.

Building a match towards Mania for Undertaker would be similar to doing it to take down Randy Orton and the Authority. It would require, however, for the Wyatts' motivation to be evil rather than chaotic good. Basically, instead of the Wyatts using Bryan and Kane (as a mole) to destroy the Authority from within, they would use the Authority to lure Undertaker out, destroy him, and claim their spot as the biggest evil in the company. I would have Wyatt be the one to call Taker out like he was going to wrestle him, but instead offer Bryan as competition, causing friction as Bryan wants to use the Family to take down the real machine. Bryan loses, of course, and then that would cause the rift from the family, leading to a Wyatt/Bryan showdown at SummerSlam, preferably for Wyatt's WWE World Heavyweight Championship (wuuuut?).

Stephen T. Stone of the Complete Shot Blog asks which non-Sami Zayn NXT wrestler has the best shot of breaking out on the main roster.

BADABOOM, the realest guy in the room, Enzo Amore and his pal Big Cass have the absolute best shot at making an immediate splash. They have insane charisma, and at least Cass has a great chance of being one of the big hoss wrestlers on the WWE roster right now. Even if Amore doesn't get into the ring again, he could be one hell of a manager.

A dark horse candidate would be Solomon Crowe, the former Sami Callihan if you will. He showed great character work and promo skills on the indies, and his manic style of wrestling should be a crowd pleaser in WWE. I'm interested to see where he'll take the hacker gimmick he's been given.

Former OVW SUPASTAHHHHH @JPSwift1977 asks who is left as a plausible opponent for Undertaker at Mania aside from Brock Lesnar.

I personally don't think Undertaker SHOULD face Lesnar at Mania, but I'm just over all the hype for a match that was assumed to happen because Lesnar and Taker MADE EYES WITH EACH OTHER AT A UFC EVENT. Anyway, the buzz this year is around Bryan because Taker endorsed him, but honestly, only one guy left on the roster absolutely NEEDS to take on the Undertaker at Mania:

Photo Credit: WWE.com

Cena himself is running out of opponents for Mania to the point where he's going to become a sideshow attraction. Taker has also never faced the top guy in the company during his streak. The closest he came was against Sid (lol) at Mania 13, Triple H at Mania X-7, and Edge at Mania XXIV. However, he never faced Hulk Hogan, Bret Hart, Steve Austin, or Cena, and when he took on Michaels, it was as his career was ending. Cena vs. Taker would be a spectacle, and WrestleMania is about spectacles. Other options would be Bray Wyatt, Bryan, Sheamus, or Roman Reigns, but at this point, the only match that NEEDS to happen is the one vs. Cena.

Crack reporter Ken Borsuk asks if fans who marked out for Jake "The Snake" Roberts at Old School RAW would be hypocrites if they bashed Hulk Hogan dropping the leg at WrestleMania.

Well, for one, being a hypocrite isn't the worst thing in the world when it comes to entertainment preferences. But the only way I see hypocrisy is if a certain fan says they hate Hogan wrestling at Mania because he's against old people coming back in general but marked for Roberts. Context and fan preferences always come into play. I would never begrudge anyone for preferring Roberts over Hogan, but I'll just filter out the stupid arguments if they come into play.

Also, if Hogan dropped the leg at Mania, they would either have to be wrestling on top of one of those NXT high-flyer practice rings, or he would shatter into a billion shards of Hulkamania before the audience's eyes.

@thiszach missed the last three weeks of RAW, and thinks the Bryan stuff sounds bad. Is his story as doomy and gloomy as he is reading into it?

Well, no, it hasn't been bad at all. Each wrestling story has two parts, the plan and the execution. Reading reports on only the plan do it disservice, especially when the performers are as gifted as Wyatt and Bryan. I'm still wading through my feelings on the story, but the performances have been well done. Asking WWE to "wait and see" is asking for hurt, but week-to-week, Bryan and the Wyatts (and on Smackdown, the Usos too) have made good on it.

Rich Thomas of the Sad Salvation and International Object podcasts asks if the WWE Network will change the way the indies distribute their product.

I'd say those in the indies have been bracing for it through their move towards video on demand and .mp4 service, but none of them have offered an over-the-top surface until a few days before the Network announcement, actually. Gabe Sapolsky announced a WWNLive Roku channel, which is something I'd get. Not every outfit would be able to offer a channel, but I have no doubts Ring of Honor could. Smart Mark Video might be able to do the same, although they'd have more mouths to feed in that they distribute for so many promotions, at least initially.

My hope is that fans who already support the indies continue to do so, but the silver lining is that if the average fan spends a bunch of money on WWE pay-per-views, they just freed up a bunch of money by getting the Network. Cheaper access to WWE means more disposable income, which means more money for indie DVDs. But yeah, the dynamics will have to change sooner or later for the smaller companies, but I think this new shift will make it easier for them to be more lucrative than now.

Enthusiast of Satanic Paleozoic lifeforms @KevinNewburn wants to know if anything is to be gained out of the Intercontinental Champion always being the top contender for the WWE World Heavyweight Championship.

I don't think having the Intercontinental Champion as the top contender all the time has merit, but from time to time, a well-established IC Champ would make a great challenger to the big titleholder. The title should be a "gatekeeper" title, one for the people who could conceivably beat the main event guys but also wouldn't be hurt too much by losing to someone needing to get elevated into that second tier.

Junior journalist @czach1r wants to know the first thing I'll be hate-watching from the WWE Network.

I usually don't hate-watch things, but man, the MST3K treatment is too tempting not to give to bad wrestling as a break from watching the good stuff. I already watched Uncensored '96 before, but since I know that show's terrible, I might give that the first riffin' on rasslin' treatment. I could go with December to Dismember '06, which is reputed to be the worst ever by WWE. Or maybe I could crowdsource? I dunno at this point.

Yinzburgh expat and fellow Kommentarian @PatrickEhland asks how the Flyers turned their season around.

Honestly, I have been pretty lax on hockey this year, so I'm not entirely sure the mechanics. However, WE COMIN' FOR YOU, PENGUINS.

Wrestling Fan Librarian Guild member @LanceGarrison asks if WWE Network has a sharable playlist option available, which one would I create and then share?

I doubt they'll have this capability right away, but if they did, I would put together a list of the best defunct Championship matches:

- Eddie Guerrero vs. Rey Mysterio, Jr., WCW Cruiserweight Championship, Halloween Havoc 1997
- Davey Boy Smith vs. Owen Hart, WWF European Championship Tournament Finals, RAW
- Jumping Bomb Angels vs. the Glamor Girls, WWF Women's Tag Team Championship, Royal Rumble 1998
- 24/7 Hardcore Championship SUPERCUT
- Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Taz, ECW Television Championship Match, Living Dangerously 1998

That list might not seem comprehensive, but wrestling matches are pretty long. Five seems like a good number.

My old friend from grade school @terryruggles asks what my thoughts on Naughty by Nature are.

I only really know the one song, "Hip Hop Hooray," but it was a damn dope song. Let's embed that shit:


@rancho_king33 asks if I'd rather be a midcard singles wrestler or a member of a Championship-contending tag team.

Both positions would be similar in stature. I think the only difference is that as a tag wrestler, I might tangle with the main event more often, but both are midcard, both have the same chance of breaking out into the main event, and both compete for titles outside the World Championship. But I'd rather go with being a tag wrestler. Hey, if I'm going to be in the same spot in the company, I might as well do it with a friend.

The Official Male Cosplayer of the WrestleBros, @BrandunKyla, asks if I think they will unify the United States and Intercontinental Championships this year.

WWE has put out feelers on the website over whether they should unify those titles, but I'm not sure that's a concrete sign that they're going to do it. The roster is definitely big enough for them to have three titles, even with the expanded tag team division in the works. I can't tell either way though.

However, I wholeheartedly believe that they should NOT unify the titles. Like I wrote above, the Intercontinental Championship can be a great "gatekeeper" title, while the United States Championship can act as a useful lowcard title to be defended on television each week, like a, duh, TV Title. Belts should have purpose. Well, everything on a wrestling show should have purpose. If not, then why have it?

@Doc_Ruiz2012 gets all existential on my ass this week: Why is Xavier Woods?


Eternally suffering Notre Dame bro in Texas @NDEddieMac asks how amazing a deal the WWE Network is.

It is pretty much the best deal in all of wrestling. Vince McMahon and his accountants have pretty much guaranteed that everyone with a steady income can partake in their premium product and archives. And honestly, if I may go on a tangent here, ten bucks a month should be low enough for everyone to afford in a civilized country, but of course, in America, the state of labor being as it is, people still go to work for fewer than $10 an hour. What the fuck is that shit? Let's get the minimum wage up to something livable like $16 an hour and let everyone who puts work in earn enough money to watch all the wrestling they can handle (and afford Internet too).

Impactfully Feedbacking TWB staffer Shane Carnes notes that John Cena has been in the main event or a title match at WrestleMania since WM 21. How plausible is either for him to happen this year?

Cena getting title shots now seems to suggest he'll be out of the title picture by Mania, assuming he loses at the Rumble or at Elimination Chamber to Brock Lesnar after beating Randy Orton. The final match at Mania is seemingly up in the air. If Cena takes on, say, the Undertaker? He should absolutely get the main event slot. However, most rumors put Cena against Bray Wyatt or in some kind of tag scenario with Hulk Hogan against the Real Americans, which would be really fucking cool if you ask me. Either way, he wouldn't be in the final match in those cases. So right now, I would put the odds at fifty/fifty. You can never count Cena out of a main event slot, especially since he's WWE's rock solid number one dude right now. But him taking a Mania off from the main event to put the rest of the roster on showcase wouldn't be the worst idea in the world.

The folks at the Wrestling with Friends podcast ask my thoughts on Davey Richards returning to EVOLVE by spitting on the belt and flipping off the fans.

Honestly, the only way to get me interested in Davey Richards is to have him in ridiculous situations where he is forced to emote in over-the-top fashion, because his wrestling sure ain't doing the trick for me. So, of course I'm amped for that iteration of his character. Of course, the caveats here are that 1) EVOLVE is booked by Gabe Sapolsky, so I doubt he'll continue to be interesting by his fourth or fifth show with the company, 2) they still haven't released DVDs from 2013, so who knows when I'd be able to see it. I certainly am not paying the same amount for a VOD I get to keep for the rest of my life from Smart Mark for one that expires. Of course, the Roku channel is a promising thing, so maybe they'll get their shit together. All in all though, I think having Richards play off his real life heat over bailing on EVOLVE before is great, and he certainly can be an effective douchebag if he wants to.

Godfather's ignominious 2013 run may have been No. 17's most notable entrant Photo Credit: WWE.com

Winners: None
Final four: Dino Bravo (3rd, 1988)
Multiple draws: Goldust (1998, 2009); Godfather (1999, 2013); Albert (2001, 2002); Shelton Benjamin (2004, 2008)
Longest: Shane Douglas (1991), 26:23
Shortest: Godfather (2013): 0:05.
Most eliminations: Three — Chris Benoit (2007)

Perhaps it is right to start with Dino Bravo, the first No. 17 in Rumble history who finished third behind One Man Gang and the inaugural winner, “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan. After all, no other No. 17 has made the final four. The closest (by a fair piece) was Goldust in 1998, who was the sixth-place finisher. But of course, no other No. 17 had the advantage Bravo claimed — entering 17th in a 20-man Rumble. In ten days when we’re looking at the No. 27 entries, all but one of which came in a 30-man Rumble, it’s a safe bet there will be more than one final four placement and plenty who lasted longer than Bravo’s 8:12.

To be fair to Bravo, he did log two eliminations in 1988, dumping the Ultimate Warrior and Don Muraco. But Bravo is one of six No. 17s to make two eliminations, the most of any entry position. Five No. 17s made one elimination and only Chris Benoit, in his last Rumble in 2007, is credited with three eliminations. Since No. 17 is the latest Benoit entered a Rumble, this might be the last time we have to mention him in this series.

Benoit is 13th in career eliminations with 14, seventh in cumulative time at 2:37:19 and first in minutes per Rumble (for anyone who entered at least two) with 39:20. Entering 17th in 2007 he lasted just 17:52 — 43:38 shorter than his winning 1:01:30 in his 2004 Rumble debut, the 11th-biggest disparity among any wrestler’s best and worst appearances. Now let’s not speak of him again.

Instead we could look at Shane Douglas, who in 1991 (post-Dynamic Dudes/pre-ECW) lasted 26:23 in the Rumble, the longest ever for a No. 17, but also one of the shortest longest stays for any Rumble position. Obviously not as impressive as that other guy we just mentioned, but then again, the 17 spot is pretty thing.

It is interesting to see four men have twice drawn No. 17, which is a lot, though you’ll remember it’s happened five times with No. 1. One of those guys was Ric Flair, who had the same spot 14 years apart (1993 and 2007). The Godfather matched him here with No. 17 entries in 1999 and 2013 (more on this distinction tomorrow). That 2013 showing is the worst No. 17 of all time, a measly five seconds.

For a guy who’s been in eight Rumbles, Charles Wright has a dismal record. Six times he lasted less than two minutes: four times as the Godfather (from five seconds to 1:48) and once as Papa Shango (28 seconds). The only time he did anything of note was as Kama, and both of those came at No. 23, which means we can put off talking about him for almost a week. Suffice it to say there’s a good chance you can determine the importance of a recurring character to the company’s narrative based on a cursory analysis of Royal Rumble statistics.

The other repeat 17s are Albert (2001 and 2002), already identified earlier in this series of one of the most ineffectual Rumble performers ever — perhaps even more so given his size — Shelton Benjamin (2004 and 2008) and Goldust, who went 11 years between turns at 17. The first, in 1998, was one of the strongest showings ever. At 26:04 it clocks in just 19 seconds shorter then Shane Douglas, with the benefit of the solo eliminations of Mankind and that year’s No. 30 — Vader, who should have done far more from that post.

Getting into the more random details, Hulk Hogan eliminated No. 17 in consecutive Rumbles, 1989 and 1990. Dolph Ziggler also was involved in eliminating No. 17 in back-to-back Rumbles — both more or less novelty entries (Booker T from the announce table in 2012 and the aforementioned five-second Godfather spot in 2013). Cody Rhodes gets credit for twice eliminating No. 17, and Kane did it three times. But Shawn Michaels eliminated No. 17, alone or with a partner, four times in all. Least surprising was in 2008 when he ousted Shelton Benjamin after just 37 seconds — the third straight Rumble when HBK tossed the former Golden Gopher.

One final note — of the first seven men to enter at No. 17, the shortest stay was Tully Blanchard’s at 8:02 in 1989. Those men combined for nine eliminations. That’s remarkable consistency compared to the other spots we’ve analyzed. When the clock ticked to zero on No. 17 in 1995 (again, the worst Rumble ever), a 500-pound Mabel parted the curtain. And while he did eliminate King Kong Bundy, Mabel only lasted 1:58 when a fresh Lex Luger tossed him with ease — a shocking end to a good run for No. 17, and 20th on the list of shortest ring time with at least one elimination. Coming in at fifth on that list is Chyna, who had one elimination despite being in the 2000 Rumble for only 37 seconds.

One final, final note — Mabel entered one spot after his tag team partner, Mo, the fourth of seven times that’s happened in Rumble history. It occurred three times in 1989 alone and twice in 1995.

For a moment - a brief moment, since longer exposure would give my intellect the consistency and brilliance of week-old pudding - I'm going to put on my ESPN Talking Head hat in regards to an episode of NXT that didn't have the Big Giant (Usually Sami Zayn Assisted) Highlight but still had a bunch of great little moments and kept on advancing the plots--

Guys, guys, guys, it's called developmental FOR A REASON.

You're supposed to invest in the characters, even if they're on their fifth reboot. Then, hopefully, their in-ring possibilities expand as well. Sometimes a surplus in one can cover up the deficit or complete lack of the other but preferably you get at least a 14 out of 20 out of somebody, and you can point to past work vs. what you're seeing currently and note improvement. DEVELOPMENT.

You know what you'd really want?

A bunch of Bayleys and Bayley types.


In the match opener, everybody's favorite fangirl went up against the mean girl you love to hate. There's something so perfect about the absolute heelishness of Summer Rae that even before the match officially got underway I was wondering what the misdemeanor term for female genitalia was v. the four-letter male equivalent for Space Mountain. You could see the cab coming down Broadway with the doors open--both Sasha and Summer put on headbands to try to trick Bayley into thinking they were sisters, and Summer even started off asking for the hug. And then the character advancement happened, as this time with Natalya looking on happily rather than go for the okeydoke Bayley marched up to Summer and threw the headband down to the mat, then sunset flipped her for a nearfall that really would've kinda been the best match ever.

Bayley spent most of 2013 garnering the NXT fan's sympathies, but when it came down to between the ropes, she ran closer to a Jacksonville Jaguar than flying like a Seattle Seahawk. This time out? She fought her way through an array of impressive chokes from Summer before firing back with back elbows in a couple varietals and eventually put down her longtime rival with a Belly-To-Bayley Hugplex in the middle of the ring for the dub. For the woman who's probably going to end up getting known as the Doctor of Huganomics (even Alex Riley occasionally contributes something to the program), this match was key as a whole. We already knew she was an above-average in-ring talent, but we know she's now capable of winning, too. And that knowledge going forward adds another little but crucial thing to her matches going from here.

You would see a variant of this in the subsequent match, as Colin Cassidy took on Aiden English, who now wants his spotlight immediately, thus making him a jerkface of the highest order. After working comedy with Enzo for the better part of the year, it was revealed gradually he could talk (he could talk? he could talk!) and he could siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnng! Here in this match he gleefully beat on English sans remorse while incorporating the catchphrase that pays into, while doing, his Nash offense in the corner. Unfortunately for him, Aiden was too crafty for him by half and -- in another testament to big trees coming from small seeds that's part and parcel of the NXT experience -- landed a kick to the top of the knee he'd chop blocked last week to end the sing-off, and that was all the opening he needed to land the Director's Cut. Aiden may never find himself fully despised by Full Sail, but reinforcement over time will stop roses getting thrown his way even when he doesn't do encores. You used to be cool, Aiden. You changed, man.

Speaking of people they're desperately hoping get booed, Tyler Breeze shone as the comedic omnibus to Adrian Neville's slightly awkward straight man in a backstage segment. It can be argued this had way too much potential laughter when you could've just as easily gone with the "hey, you cost me the Championship so I'm going to try to rip your head off now" river of thought. But since they went with the former instead of the latter, at least this was humorous in the way that too much of RAW and Smackdown tries to be but fails at and ends up getting overfakelaughed at by Michael Cole and the GM of this place who doesn't do his job. You know: actually funny, from calling Neville when he was standing 8 inches away from him so he wouldn't have his eyeballs fried by how much an Uggo the Brit is to his snide, scene concluding ""The Man That Gravity Forgot...more like...The Man Mother Nature...Forgot To Make Good-Looking." Full. Zoolander. And lest we forget, T. Beezie has been Beauty Shotting everything with a pulse throughout the last seasonal residency and is on quite the streak, so their match next week is a borderline coin flip.


In fact, about the only thing not in doubt in NXT narratives is the next set of victims for the Ascension, having had once again dispatched Hunico and Camacho in the tornado match main event. The now narrower named Viktor and Conor sent another one to the slab with the Fall Of Man, and they did so smartly. Fortunately, the announce team was on point to highlight this since neither of the darksiders pointed directly to their cranium to indicate superior intellect, but it went like this: C and H had gotten the upper hand with a Samoan drop/senton bomb combo, but Camacho for all his in-ring improvements gloated instead of cutting off Viktor from breaking up the pinfall. Shortly thereafter he was topeing into a Viktor European uppercut with some stank on it and his hombre mejor was a grease spot in the center of the ring. It's been rumored that the shame of suffering such a pinfall loss has Hunico thinking about hiding his visage under a mask, but don't quote me on that.

What you can quote me on was my favorite part of the show, even if it didn't get to headline. Xavier Woods made a big return back to the place where he made his name, and even if he wasn't back in time for the big 200th show he was happy to be welcomed warmly. Sure, Truth had told him that Kane was going to be looking for him and might be down on orders from the Authority to throw something nasty his way, but fun-loving XW showed no fear about this, as someone who's  OVER 9000 should. So he danced his way down to the ring, and then the creepy music started. But this is Korporate Kane now, so rather than lighting him on fire or electrocuting his theme park or any other kind of signature atrocity, he gave him a side trip to Build A Continuity Bear.

See, Woods helped springboard his way to RAW by starting the petition to bring back Big Show. And the Authority being who they are, they thought they would wait until the moment of his triumphant return to give him a present: a cute Russian woman (hooray!) who is not for you and rather is the narrow leash with a pulse to 305 pounds of snarling, angry Bulgarian (...booooooo) Absolutely crucial, and the thread throughout the show might've taken a whole two minutes before they paid it off with a match and a clean win. Happy-Go-Lucky Xavier might run into trouble later -- trouble is teased in the form of one of the most notorious monsters in the company's history -- who is merely there to pass the unspoken torch to the new monster in town, who proceeds to more-or-less squash Xavier culminating in breaking his back and making him humble after a running standing avalanche. Why Kofi wants a rematch against this land monster is beyond me.

But by paying attention to the narrative, and being better at it than the big league shows are, NXT will certainly prove to be something along the lines of the 17th most valuable thing when the big E launches their network in a few works.

It's a testament to how awesome the Network appears to be that something as consistently good as NXT may end up being the 17th most valuable thing on it.

The roster for National Pro Wrestling Day has grown since the last update, by five wrestlers to be exact. The names skew heavily towards Chikara/Wrestling Is with some Beyond Wrestling flavor as well.

Hallowicked is the first name announced, which is both not a shock and definitely an encouragement. Hallowicked is a Chikara original and usually good for a solid in-ring performance. However, his appearance at this show is important with the Chikara rebirth theory. Right now, he's Icarus' only ally outside of random Wrestle Factory students. He's an important piece in this puzzle.

Frank "Dont Call Me Francis" O'Rourke has been called "the next Bryan Danielson" in terms of his match quality. He has torn up the indies, either as O'Rourke under the Wrestling Is banner or Biff Busick everywhere else, in 2013, and I'm excited to see against whom he will be placed.

The Brown Morning of Belarus and the Proletariat Boar of Moldova were also both announced. I imagine Mr. Azerbaijan can't be too far behind either. With both the Lithuanian Snow Troll and the Estonian Thunder Frog also announced, I wonder if the final battle between the Baltic Siege and the Polar Baron's Union will go down here. I hope so, actually. The feud has been uneven but overall pretty cool so far, and a trios match for all the rubles would be a great pre-intermission "main event" or a sub-main event overall.

Eric Corvis is the last name announced for now. Corvis is a long-time veteran of Jersey All-Pro Wrestling, but he's found new life as one of the Beyond Wrestling regulars, where he's adopted quite the nasty dick-heel persona with a speciality in misogyny. His Wrestling Is appearances so far have been more noble in flavor. I guess since this show is more a Wrestling Is juncture, I wouldn't be surprised to see him play up the Dr. Who/Indiana Jones strains in his character and play for pops.

In addition to the NPWD news, a huge match announcement has been made a bit further down the road. The folks at WrestleCon have announced their first match for their big supercard WrestleMania weekend. In one corner, will be Mr. Independent himself, Kevin Steen. Across the ring from him will be none other than former ECW World Champion and puroresu cult icon Masato Tanaka. I've been vocal in my support for the creme de la creme of the indies to get these dream matches, and this particular pairing excites me especially since I hear Tanaka's still nearly as good as he was 15 years ago. This match is a coup of an announcement, and one that has got my attention for the non WWE happenings on WrestleMania weekend.

Rey Mysterio is the least likely Royal Rumble winner of all-time. He bucked Vince McMahon's alleged size fetish, and shattered the illusion that cruiserweight wrestlers could only stay in the cruiserweight division in a credible fashion. Of course, his run in this Rumble and towards WrestleMania was a blatant pander to the memory of Eddie Guerrero, but hey, Mysterio is undoubtedly one of the greatest in-ring performers ever. At least he got some kind of due.

All three entries at No. 18 yielded the Final Four for Michaels, including one win Photo Credit: WWE.com

Winners: Shawn Michaels (1996)
Final four: Shawn Michaels (2nd, 1994; 4th 2010)
Multiple draws: Irwin R. Schyster (1992, 1993); Shawn Michaels (1994, 1996, 2010); Faarooq (1997, 2000)
Longest: Shawn Michaels (1994); 29:17
Shortest: Faarooq (2000): 0:18.
Most eliminations: Nine — Hulk Hogan (1989)

When Shawn Michaels won the 1995 Rumble from the No. 1 spot, he lasted 38:41 and logged eight eliminations. He didn’t enter until No. 18 the following year, and immediately made his presence felt by eliminating Vader and Yokozuna simultaneously. He lasted 26:09 in total and again eliminated eight contestants. When he dumped the last of the eight, his former tag team partner Diesel, Michaels was the second man to win back-to-back Rumbles.

It’s pretty easy to detail how HBK’s 1995 performance isn’t the greatest No. 1 ever. And while his 1996 win is quite easily the best No. 18 showing, it’s probably fair to give his ‘95 win the edge as the most impressive of his two best years.

Just how good is Michaels in Royal Rumbles? He also entered at No. 18 in 1994, two years before winning, and lasted a bit longer (29:17) while making four eliminations and being the last eliminated before Bret Hart and Lex Luger tumbled to the floor together to end the match. And when he entered at 18 for the third time in 2010, he lasted 20:45, made six eliminations and finished fourth.

If winning is everything, you give Steve Austin the nod as the best Rumble contestant for his three victories. But Michaels is second in Rumbles entered (12; Glenn Jacobs has 16), second in total time (3:42:30, only 9:02 behind Triple H) and first in eliminations (at 40, he leads Jacobs by three). He’s been in the final four five times, another exclusive club. There will be other chances to discuss Michaels as this series continues, but if he’s not Mr. Royal Rumble, he’s at least Mr. 18.

The second best here is no slouch — Hulk Hogan himself, who lasted 11:31 and made nine eliminations in his first Rumble. Sure, he probably should be blamed for eliminating partner Randy Savage from the match, and sure he was a sore loser who came back to cheat Big Boss Man out of his chance to continue, and sure his consecutive wins in 1990 and 1991 were more impressive, but only two men have ever eliminated more in one night than the Hulkster did in the first full-size Rumble.

Speaking of Randy Savage, he was the first no show in Rumble history. When the clock hit zero for the 18th entry in 1991, no one came out. This is back before each entrant got his (or her) own theme song and entrance video — but it was back when every match participant was announced in advance — so it wasn’t clear until the end of the night that Savage had chosen to skip the match after costing the Ultimate Warrior his WWF Title earlier in the night.

The next year Irwin R. Schyster entered at 18 and lasted 27:01 with no eliminations, the tenth longest in-ring time without a single ouster. No less a Rumble standout than John Cena made 22nd on the same list from No. 18 in 2003 when he put up 19:38 and no eliminations. IRS went 16 minutes from the 18th spot the next year, also with no eliminations. Those two combined put him third on the list of most total duration with no eliminations, a remarkably safe spot given who trails him on the list (Kerry Von Erich, Tenryu, the Honky Tonk Man, Shane Douglas, among others).

The flip side is the list of shortest tenure with at least one elimination. Faarooq checks in at sixth with one elimination in 41 seconds in 1997. He might have lasted longer, except Ahmed Johnson came to the ring to attack Faarooq with a 2x4. Kane placed eighth on that list from 18 in 1999 when he made four eliminations in just 53 seconds when (and yes, this happened) he eliminated himself trying to escape asylum orderlies who were attempting to take him to a mental institution.

The Ultimate Warrior was only in two Rumbles. His showdown with Hulk Hogan in the 1990 match remains one of the most electric moments in WWF/E history. His 3:51 in the 1988 Rumble is about the most un-Warrior thing I’ve ever seen. It was a few months after his televised debut and shortly after his first pinfall loss, but it’s light years away from what most remember as prime Warrior. Maybe that says something about character development, or maybe it says the creative team didn’t really know at first how to treat the Rumble as a plot device differently from a conventional battle royal.

Warrior’s elimination came at the hands of Dino Bravo and the One Man Gang. By the next January the Gang had been reborn as Akeem the African Dream and paired in a tag team with the Big Boss Man. They combined to dump Hogan in 1990. Not a bad run.

Speaking of Bravo and Warrior, the tables were turned in 1990 when Bravo was No. 18 and Warrior did the eliminating. Michaels was No. 18 three times and eliminated No. 18 twice. Entirely useless facts in the grand scheme, but interesting none the less.

On balance, No. 18 actually is a fairly weak spot. It’s accounted for 38 total eliminations, third behind No. 1 (62 total) and No. 30 (52), but the credit for that goes almost entirely to Hogan (nine in one match) and Michaels (18 over three). After Kane’s four in one night, the output is dismal. Sixteen who entered 18th eliminated no one, three made one elimination and two men eliminated two each.

Eleven No. 18s didn’t last even four minutes, not counting Savage’s no-show. The odds are in favor of this year’s No. 18 being a total bust. It’s possible to get something like Dolph Ziggler making two eliminations, lasting nearly 20 minutes and finishing fifth. It’s possible for an absolute domination, a la Hogan or Michaels. But more often than not, No. 18 produces almost nothing of importance.

BEST Photo via Rumorfix

Welcome to a feature I like to call "Best in the World" rankings. They're not traditional power rankings per se, but they're rankings to see who is really the best in the world, a term bandied about like it's bottled water or something else really common. They're rankings decided by me, and don't you dare call them arbitrary lest I smack the taste out of your mouth. Without further ado, here's this week's list:

1. Jennifer Lawrence (Last Week: 3) - Photobombing someone at the Golden Globes is cool regardless. However, Lawrence did the act to Taylor Swift. Not only is she taunting one of the easiest to make-fun-of celebrities on the planet, she did so knowing that Swift's legion of fans will attempt to tear her apart, and Swift herself might even write a diss track about it. But Lawrence gives zero fucks, people. ZERO.

2. AJ Lee (Last Week: 2) - I got hit STRAIGHT IN THE FEELS when I saw the end of her match with Kaitlyn on Main Event. Of course, Tamina Snuka tried to ruin the moment afterwards, but nothing could have broght it down. NOTHING.

3. Rachel Summerlyn (Last Week: 1) - David Otunga's new site launched, which, for those who remember, is like a second Christmas for wrestling's foremost fan of the lawyer-cum-wrestler. I'd like to think she celebrated with tacos. Why? Well, what else would you celebrate with in Austin?

4. Daniel Bryan (Last Week: 4) - The possibilities for him in the Wyatt Family seem endless, but if he somehow convinces them to become swamp Vegans, he may just have to be disqualified from this list forever on the grounds of it being unfair for everyone else.

5. Mark Henry (Last Week: 7) - Mark Henry may have gotten mollywomped by Brock Lesnar, but he at least faced the Beast Incarnate head on instead of while he was in retreat. Big Show is such a jackal, man.

6. Coffee (Last Week: Not Ranked)OFFICIAL HOLZERMAN HUNGERS SPONSORED ENTRY - Joni Mitchell once sang "You know it always seems to go that you don't know what you've got 'til it's gone." That's my status with coffee right now. I haven't had a cup in over a week, and I am missing it so much.

7. Cam Netwon (Last Week: Not Ranked) - I don't know about you, but I think he took a few tips on selling from Shawn Michaels at SummerSlam '05 yesterday, didn't he?

8. Kenta Kobashi (Last Week: Not Ranked) - He's a man who no-sold cancer. He informed more about independent wrestling in America more than anyone except maybe Tiger Mask, Mitsuharu Misawa, and Dynamite Kid. He's a veritable icon in his home country to the point where he could be the prime minister some day with no one batting an eye. And yet, even he still cheeses like a goon taking a picture with the second-most prestigious World Champion (or most prestigious given your opinion of WWE) on this Earth. Kenta Kobashi is the man, and I'll fight anyone who says otherwise.

9. Emma Thompson (Last Week: Not Ranked) - How many fucks were given by her at the Golden Globes? ZERO.

10. Sara del Rey (Last Week: 10) - SARA DEL REY FACT: She gracefully declined a Golden Globe nomination for "Best Guest Spot in a Reality Television Show," but immediately regretted it after seeing how fabulous Emma Thompson was during the telecast.

Punk should've seen this coming, if not for his own giant hubris Photo Credit: WWE.com

Daniel Bryan joined the Wyatt Family two weeks ago. The air felt like it let out of the arena. He was a broken man, one who didn't have anywhere else to turn but the warm, comforting embrace of a family. His golden dreams were getting further and further out of reach. Leviathans emerged from the ocean to stake their claims, ones who bullied him when he was still in NXT and others who were let back into the title scene willingly by the Authority despite the fact that they had on more than one occasion clowned Triple H. All looked lost.

Meanwhile, CM Punk was fighting a battle against his own trio, The Shield, but he knew they were a proxy for the real, cold war he was engaged in with the Authority. Like Vietnam, The Shield may have looked easy to conquer first, but they've finally gotten around to getting under his skin. He needed some backup, and lo and behold, at the Old School RAW (one which I fell asleep watching during the main event and regrettably missed a true mark-out moment and writing an essay), he found two unlikely allies. Road Dogg and Billy Gunn sure did pal around with Triple H back in the day, but hey, maybe you can't judge a couple of guys by whom their mutual friend is. Still, the whole thing stunk like a Zack Ryder fart after Mexican night in craft services.

Each scenario shared a common theme that bore out tonight like the chorus sung by modern day troubadour, Ad-Rock. Listen all a-y'all, this is sabotage.

In order to take out a threat, one has to infiltrate, especially when those threats are as cerebral as the backwater, alligator-eating cultists from the bayou section of Parts Unknown, or the fox-witted, self-proclaimed Best in the World. The latter may have smarts and know how to move the chess pieces, but whether hero or villain, folk hero or corner preacher, Punk has never met an opportunity to promote himself that he didn't absolutely love. All Triple H had to do was play to his ego and send out old guys to fluff him, and the boss had his rogue employee right where he wanted him. That plan was simple and almost too transparent. The beauty of the Punk character is for as cerebral as he is at protecting his own interests in the ring, he's way too easy to bowl over when it comes to flattery and praise outside of it.

The Wyatts were a different egg altogether, however. Bray Wyatt is not a man to be trifled with. Even in his short time in WWE, he's proven to be diabolical with how he lays his roots in and attacks. His hold over Erick Rowan and Luke Harper was impenetrable, and their results were impeccable... until Bryan joined the group. Sure, he opened himself up to abuse, most of it seemingly voluntary. He dressed the part, and he was a seemingly good soldier. But as soon as Wyatt proclaimed that his goat had found a home, the wheels started falling off the axels.

I almost wrote the whole thing off as WWE booking, but then I thought that maybe Bryan wasn't going to go quietly into that good, quagmire-ridden night. Then, after the Usos won that cage match, and all hell broke loose, Bryan's masterplan was revealed. He didn't want to take down the machine with the Wyatts. He wanted to break them down from within.

Sure, two weeks might not seem like a long time to throw that large a spanner into the works, but I credit the quick work to be a credit to how efficient Bryan is at getting his job done. The man isn't the REAL best in the world for nothing. Besides, what better way to know where the weaknesses in a group, the soft spots if you will, than by taking an incessant, continuous beating from them? Bryan had been laid to waste by the Wyatt Family for two months. Surely, he wasn't going to not be taking mental notes, CTE accrued from the beatdowns he sustained notwithstanding.

And so the table is set for two wars going forward, refreshed from their original state of play from before TLC. In one corner, the forces of evil were the ones who set up the hero and made him a martyr. In the other, the hero was the one who finally turned the tides on a battle that he had been losing forever and a day now. I wish WWE wouldn't bunch their stories together thematically like this (it seems to be a trend with them), but for now, they have two intriguing threads to tug at going forward into their hottest period of the year.

I got goosebumps watching the close of RAW last night, specifically when Daniel Bryan ascended to the top of the cage, astraddle the edge, and the camera panned out wide to show an entire arena pointing both arms into the air and shouting affirmations in the cadence he made famous. Only two weeks away from the limelight as a rebellious folk hero, and the crowd reacted to his homecoming as if he was a prodigal son, wandering the Judean wilderness for years. Regardless of any booking implications, last night's final segment to RAW was goddamn magical to watch at the very least, which as a wrestling fan is all I could ever want.

The exception to the rule, and even she can't escape WWE's woman-hating vortex Photo Credit: WWE.com

Barbershop Window is a site that sells wrestling t-shirts of varying providence. Of the independent sites who create shirts, they're probably the most popular, or at least number two to Pro Wrestling Tees. I've questioned some of their tactics in the past, specifically when they created a Larry Sweeney t-shirt to capitalize off his death. I'm not sure whether the outcry from Sweeney's friends and fans made them donate proceeds to charity or whether they were going to do that all along, but the whole thing felt fishy. Still, despite the fact that they've created a bunch of shirts off the intellectual property of mainstream companies without the inspiration for those shirts seeing any of the proceeds (I could give a fuck less about Turner or Titan getting money, but even if Dolph Ziggler is well off with his WWE contract, he should get money off shirts that capitalize off his likeness and trappings, for example), they've been innocuous enough for me to ignore until now.

One of their more recent products is a shirt that says "Support Women's Wrestling" bordering a silhouette of a woman who fits the stereotypical male ideal dancing on a stripper pole. Several people have called them out on the highly gross design, including Lee Burton of Ringbelles, Leslie Lee of Dirty Dirty Sheets, and The Mandible Claw's and TWB's own Danielle Matheson. Predictably, the response to the kerfuffle was for everyone to "get a sense of humor," which is the typical response from the privileged to those the jokes are targeted. Obviously, humor is subjective, but I can't endorse any attempt at generating laughs and especially money from products whose purpose is to poke fun at an entire group of wrestlers, fans of those wrestlers, and most importantly, an entire gender.

I hesitate to put the blame squarely on BSW here, however. They are only following protocol within the business. For as much progress as companies like SHIMMER, Women's Superstars Uncensored, Anarchy Championship Wrestling, nCw: Femmes Fatale, Chikara, Impact Pro Wrestling of New Zealand, Bellatrix, Squared Circle Wrestling, and especially the various joshi promotions in Japan, among many others, have made for women around the world of wrestling, attitudes still exist in the biggest televised wrestling companies that reinforce the idea that women are clearly second class citizens.

WWE is the biggest offender of them all. Their history of misogyny and gross treatment of women is well-documented, but now, even as they've cleaned up the overtly awful strains like HLA, flashing puppies, and Trish Stratus barking like a dog, they have still fallen well short of the mark. Fuck, the mark might as well be on Pluto, and WWE's attempt at hitting it hasn't even left Titan Towers. Women are granted absolutely no agency within the show. They fight either because they need to fill time, they're jealous of each other for something, or they're trying to sell Total Divas to the audience.

I honestly can't speak of that reality show, because I don't watch it. I don't know if the women who are on it get to be anything better than the caricatures that they are presented as for the most part on the main narrative. However, even if Total Divas granted these women something better for the hour they air on the E! Network, that still doesn't excuse their treatment on RAW and Smackdown, where everything is set up for them to be nothing but catty automatons worried only about superficial things.

AJ Lee is the one example of a woman who was granted something more than just status as a "bitch" or "sexy cattle," and because of it, she is the only active woman wrestler who has built an organic reaction comparable to the men. Obviously, Nattie Neidhart, the Bella Twins, and others get pops, and to their credit, they work hard for them. However, what they get compared to what Lee gets is small potatoes. The current Divas Champion has been able to prove that women can be on an equal footing with the men. Her reward is only really getting to show it off either on one RAW every other month, or on Main Event.

I go back to said Main Event match against Kaitlyn. I doubt anyone would confuse the dearly departed former Chickbuster's in-ring ability with that of Athena or Jessicka Havok, but when given extended time to work a match with the same template as what the men get against her former partner Lee, who actually could seamlessly translate into the indies without batting an eyelash, she looked good. I will wager any amount of money the same could be said for anyone else on the roster with the exceptions of maybe Eva Marie, Jojo Offerman, and possibly Cameron (and even on that last one, I could be sadly mistaken due to a lack of opportunity that she's gotten).

Still, these women are relegated only to being able to fight for only one feud per story cycle with material that would insult even JTG, who hasn't been on WWE programming since the Hunger Games was only a tween-sensation novel. What is even more frustrating is that the folks at Full Sail are actually getting women's wrestling right. NXT has one of the most vibrant rosters of female characters, and all of them are getting reps. Still, that audience, however fervent it is for the show, is dwarfed by what is tuning in every Monday.

And because garbage is being fed to the fans, those who aren't enlightened enough to realize what they're being given is rat poison continue to buy into this disgusting notion that women are only valued in wrestling for their aesthetic beauty. That attitude may be ingrained in society at large, but that doesn't mean it has to set well with me, even seeing it in a genre of entertainment that is already considered to be near the bottom of the barrel.

Perceptions don't change until those perceived make a big enough splash to the observers to make them change. If fans want non-fans to stop looking at them as backwards hicks, then maybe everyone should make a concerted effort not only to stop acting like backwoods chauvinists, but make a stink and attack everyone who is doing the same.

Barbershop Window putting out this fucking garbage for their own profit and then acting like it's only a joke is no better than WWE basically taking a huge steaming dump on 35% of its audience. The change everyone should want needs to start at the grassroots level. Don't accept it when "indie" fans start piling on the hate towards women, and let the good attitudes trickle up. Women have been treated as something other than human for far too long, especially in wrestling, and that fact is one of the things that makes me ashamed to admit to liking wrestling sometimes. No one should be ashamed to like what they like, whether they're a man, a woman, or some other self-identified gender status, but part of that means shaming those who continue making people feel uneasy. While BSW gets their cue from the top, they need to be taught their lesson first. It's the best way to attack the megalith.

Predictable but successful describes both Cena's 2013 Rumble win and, well, his entire career Photo Credit: WWE.com

Winners: John Cena (2013)
Final four: One Man Gang (2nd, 1988); John Cena (2nd, 2010); Kurt Angle (3rd, 2004); Lex Luger (4th, 1995); Steve Austin (4th, 2002)
Multiple draws: Animal (1991, 2006); John Cena (2010, 2013)
Longest: Kurt Angle (2004); 29:04
Shortest: Savio Vega (1997): 0:29.
Most eliminations: Seven — Steve Austin (2002)

Twenty-two entry positions (from 1 to 30) produced four or fewer final four finishers. Four, including No. 19, have produced five — the others are Nos. 1, 23 and 27. Of those, only 19 and 23 have produced but a single winner, and that wasn’t true about No. 19 until 2013, when John Cena won his second Rumble as one of the most predictable winners of all time.

Cena’s first Rumble was in 2003, but he entered only six of the next 11 Rumbles — probably because he tended to be busy pursuing or defending one of the top titles elsewhere on the card. While only logging four eliminations each from he two No. 19 entries, he did win one and finish second in the other, lasting more than 20 minutes each time. Given that he won and put in an extra 4:28, 2013 is Cena’s best No. 19 and the best by anyone choosing that number.

The first No. 19, One Man Gang, had the advantage of being in a 20-man Rumble. So it was little surprise he was around at the end, the last man standing before Jim Duggan showed him to the floor. It was only a 6:50 stay, but incredibly productive with six eliminations, including some of the strongest competitors in the match.

It was more impressive for Kurt Angle to finish third in 2004, though he made just one elimination in 29:04 in the ring — the longest ever for a No. 19 entrant. Yet that one elimination was a fresh No. 30 Goldberg, which is significant. Lex Luger finished fourth from No. 19 in 1995, a year after sharing the win with Bret Hart. But that Rumble was condensed, so he needed just 18:51 to reach the final four.

In 2002, Steve Austin also finished fourth from No. 19, yet he tossed seven men in 25:46 — best of any No. 19. We’ll talk more about Austin later in the series, but the 2002 Rumble was the last of six for the Rattlesnake, likely the greatest Rumble contestant of all time. How good was Stone Cold? He eliminated seven men in 24:56 and it was his third-best outing. He won three Rumbles, finished in the final four two other times and never missed the top ten.

While it’s unlikely we’ll ever see Austin in another Rumble, 19 has been a popular spot for nostalgia entries, starting with the Honky Tonk Man in 1998. Honky had been regularly involved with the company for a good chunk of 1997, so it wasn’t tremendously stunning to see him in the Rumble. However, it was odd to see him last 19:55. That’s 15:43 longer than his second best in the 1989 Rumble when he was more or less at the peak of his physical ability.

Other retro contestants at 19 included Animal in 2006 (2:49), Roddy Piper in 2008 (a minute flat, 33:06 shorter than his 1992 run, the 25th biggest disparity) and Jim Duggan in 2012 (56 seconds). They contribute mightily to the 12 No. 19s who failed to last five minutes.

Viscera was an active member of the Raw roster when he entered 19th in 2007 and set the record for most men required to eliminate a single contest. It took eight to dump the big man (an understatement) to the floor, one better than the seven it took to oust him in 1994, when he was known as Mabel. More of the story: Fat guys are hard to eliminate.

Two No. 19s placed on the list of shortest ring time with at least one elimination. Earthquake did it first, with two eliminations in 2:31, good for 27th on the list. Great Khali made just one elimination in 2011, but he did it in 77 seconds, in 2011, 11th on the all-time list. Who did he eliminate? No. 9, Husky Harris, a reminder I’ll be needing to update my data on account of all the rebranding of NXT guys since their last Rumble appearances.

Tomorrow — a look at No. 20, the last entry spot with 26 participants.

Beyond Wrestling may be Denver Colorado's (the man, not the place!) hot hand right now, but his other company, Women's Superstars Uncensored, has been gearing up for its next card at the Flyers Skate Zone in Voorhees, NJ on February 8, titled Mutiny. The last few weeks have seen news of matches and bookings fly across social media, and relatively speaking, these announcements have been huge. Shanna, Portugal's Perfect Athlete, has already been announced as Jessicka Havok's next contender, and Candice LeRae's return to the East Coast was announced about a month ago. In the last few weeks, however, three other huge names have been added to the show.

First, LuFisto, who has not appeared since the beginning of last year, has been announced for return. She actually had a title shot in her back pocket, presumably after defeating Havok in a tag match in CZW, but after suffering an injury at SHIMMER Vol. 53 at WrestleCon, she had to let it lapse. The silver lining from that incident for the fans was that it allowed WSU to book Havok against Sami Callihan, which was one of 2013's best matches. LuFisto has been relatively quiet since Female Fight Season, but as the fans at the Skate Zone know, when she heads into town for WSU, things tend to go a bit batty.

Second, Athena, who was injured at the first set of secret WSU tapings before Uncensored Rumble last year, will be making her return. Her injury was doubly frustrating, because not only was she set to take on Havok in a best two-out-of-three falls match for the title at the Rumble, I thought she had a better than average shot of knocking off Cheerleader Melissa at the SHIMMER tapings to become a double World Champion. Anyway, her return is good news, as her last appearance in the company was a raucous sprint through to victory in the Queen and King of the Ring Tournament with AR Fox.

Finally, in what is arguably the biggest news in women's wrestling so far in 2014, Alpha Female, the monstrous German destroyer of worlds, will be making her American debut at Mutiny. Alpha Female burst onto the scene mostly in England, where she had a titanic feud with Jenny Sjodin, and recently, she has been touring the joshi promotions. I've been awaiting her debut for a long time, and I'm glad that she'll be heading to WSU so I can see her in person, theoretically, of course (with my schedule, I don't know when and where I can go to shows anymore, but you guys don't care about me, nor should you).

Mutiny is looking it could be WSU's biggest card ever, just based on name value alone. However, I do find that LuFisto and Athena returning at the same card presents a unique opportunity. Having both former, stillborn contenders on the same show is a chance to have a WrestleMania IX-style mini-tournament. Instead of having one contender wrestle an Owen Hart-level match as a placeholder, the tournament could feature four women. Opening match, Athena wrestles LuFisto. Shanna gets her shot at Jessicka Havok before intermission, and then the main event would pit the winners of those two matches. I'm not saying that scenario will play out, but I am telling Colorado that I AM GIVING OUT FREE BOOKING IDEAS.

Anyway, regardless of what happens, this show on paper looks like a must-see event.

The forgotten Mania would be a fascinating live-tweet Photo Credit: WWE.com

The six pack has returned, mainly because holy crap, the WWE Network has been announced and it sounds fantastic. In addition to the original programming, television replays, pre- and post-shows, and all WWE's pay-per-view events, the video on demand library will contain every single PPV event ever aired by WWE, WCW, and ECW. This richness in archive presents a goldmine of inspiration for a writer such as myself, but aside from content for the blog, it also provides a different opportunity.

More and more, auteurs out there are organizing synchronized live-tweets of old events, usually found on YouTube. With WWE Network making events available in the best quality and without fear of disappearing due to copyright infringement, not only will other people do more of these live-tweets, but I might partake as well. The following lists the six events I think I would consider organizing a live-tweet for the most. The shows aren't the marquee WrestleManias or the Bashes at the Beach '96 of the lot. However, they hold certain curiosity value for me, and those are the shows I feel are most interesting to revisit.

1. WrestleMania 2

I know I said no marquee WrestleManias, but this show is about as quirky and almost forgotten as the show has ever gotten and will ever get again. WWE even seems to gloss over it. Whenever the history of the show is brought up, WrestleMania is the start, and they skip right to WrestleMania III with Hulk Hogan and Andre the Giant. I know Brandon Stroud wrote a Best and Worst of it last year, and Sawyer Paul (Get the K out!) and Rich Thomas unpacked it on the International Object podcast, but seeing is believing. I'm not sure the current audience can get an appreciation for it until they watch, and my own curiosity demands this event is one of the first in rotation.

2. No Way Out 2001

Hot off the heels of his third Royal Rumble win, Steve Austin seemed to be headed to the infernal wood-chipper that was Triple H as a tune up for his WrestleMania X-7 match against The Rock. History is clear as to what would happen at the end of the latter match. However, when the former match rolled around, I was all about rolling my eyes. I thought the Three Stages of Hell match was plodding and boring at the time, but I would like to get a better look at it through the spectrum of history. Plus, looking for foreshadowing for Austin's big turn might be beneficial in retrospect.

3. Spring Stampede 1994

I wasn't a WCW watcher growing up, so I missed out on their early pay-per-views. Looking back at some of the lineups, this one stood out to me specifically as a loaded, absolutely stacked card, but it also had a billion fuck finishes. For example, William Regal wrestled Brian Pillman! But it was a time limit draw. Sting took on Rick Rude! But the match ended on an errant chairshot. Steve Austin vs. Great Muta? YES! Oh, wait, the match was a disqualification based on the absolutely asinine grounds that tossing someone over the top rope was illegal. ANOTHER Ric Flair/Ricky Steamboat broadway happened on this show! Except the match ended with a double pin. I think watching this pay-per-view would be a great thought experiment as to whether the unfulfilling booking actually affected the quality of the matches.

4. Starrcade 1989

Speaking of the older WCW/NWA material, Starrcade '89 would be a fascinating live tweet, just to see how folks might react to the same guys wrestling three times in a night in a round-robin tournament style. The event was centered around two "Iron Man" style tournaments, which made this Starrcade like no other wrestling pay-per-view that I could think of. Moreover, the competitors in the singles matches were Ric Flair, Sting, The Great Muta, and Lex Luger. Luger aside, that slate is rock solid. The tag side wasn't much more of a slouch either, containing the Road Warriors, Steiner Brothers, Doom, and New Wild Samoans in its ranks.

5. Sin, SuperBrawl Revenge, or Greed

WCW in 2001 had hit the skids both creatively and financially. However, they had some interesting stuff going on in the ring. The company still had Rey Mysterio on the roster when his name was "Rey Misterio, Jr." and had an exciting battery of other cruiserweights throwing their bodies around. Diamond Dallas Page, Booker T, Scott Steiner, and Dustin Rhodes were still around as well. One of the above events would be fun to look at, both to see how the wrestling stood up comparative to the stories and to see a company in its death throes to see how different it might be from, say, WWE today.

6. In Your House: A Cold Day in Hell

The In Your House series, at least up until Canadian Stampede, would be a great to live-tweet because they're only two hours long. A Cold Day in Hell capitalized on Steve Austin's newfound popularity and gave him his first shot at the WWF Championship against… the Undertaker. Austin and Taker would go onto feud extensively in the coming years, so to see their first singles match as a pair of uninitiated foes for the most part should be interesting (ignoring their interactions from the Royal Rumble and Final Four from earlier in the year, of course). Another feud that would rage in the later years that started at this show? Rocky Maivia vs. Mankind.

Stephanie McMahon has announced via Twitter that Mae Young has passed on:

#RIPTheOneandOnlyGreatMaeYoung A true pioneer and legend has passed tonight. Long live the memory of my friend and @WWE Hall of Famer.
— Stephanie McMahon (@StephMcMahon) January 15, 2014

I wrote an obituary last week after Mike Mooneyham erroneously reported her death. May she rest in peace.

I've always loved the Canadian backbreaker. I wish more people would use it, but I'll settle for indie dudes like Colt Cabana making cool variations on it, like the double underhook version shown here. Colt .45, works every time.

It's here... Photo via International Object, designed by John Lefteratos

It's hump day, so here are some links to get you through the rest of the week:

Wrestling Links:

- The WWE Network [International Object]

- Voices of Wrestling Match of the Year Poll [#50-26|#25-16|#15-1]

- The 20 greatest Royal Rumble surprise entrants [Camel Clutch Blog]

- Twitter troll Ryback is basically the greatest thing ever [TJR Wrestling]

- Seven Things: Matches I want to see in 2014 [Wrestling on Earth]

- The Best and Worst of RAW: Chekov's Johnny Fabulous [With Leather]

- The top ten best comebacks in WWE history [Camel Clutch Blog]

- Daniel Bryan is the best pure good guy in WWE since Bret Hart [Kick-Out!! Wrestling]

- Is Ring of Honor back on track? [Voices of Wrestling]

- Interview: Nikki Storm on Japan, the US, and invading England [The Only Way Is Suplex]

- The Best and Worst of TNA Impact: The Return of the BlokeMans [With Leather]

Non-Wrestling Links:

- We must not shut up about how women are treated on the Internet [Jezebel]

- Ronan Farrow's sick burn on Woody Allen makes us reexamine the molestation case against him [Film Drunk]

- Leaving it on the field in Coatesville [The Classical]

- A response to the "journalist" who asked why Lena Dunham is naked so much on Girls [Film Drunk]

- Your white guy code word power rankings, January 2014 [Awful Announcing]

- Random thoughts on "Nerd blackface" [Observation Deck]

- Thomas Hitzlsperger announces he's gay, and the reaction shows progress [7500 to Holte]

- Outkast reunites to headline Coachella music festival in April [The Verge]

- By not kowtowing to columnist blowhards, Penn State shows it's ready to move on [Black Shoe Diaries]

- Cookin' ATVS Style: Chicken and Roasted Poblano Soup [And the Valley Shook]

- How to make a cheesesteak and probably get crap from Pennsylvanians [Foodspin]

- Foodball: Stop panicking about the damn Velveeta shortage and make your own delicious queso [Kissing Suzy Kolber]

- Watch Jon Stewart take down Bill O'Reilly over legalized marijuana [Warming Glow]

- Anti-marijuana laws are based on racism, not science [io9]

- Dispatches from Drake Night [Steven Lebron]

- Your favorite TV show needs to end [Pajiba]

- Baseball's war on drugs has always been an immoral shitshow [Deadspin]

- Cherrypick your way through 143 years of baseball stats [Regressing]

- Swedish doctors perform nine womb transplants [The Verge]

- Are we running out of water? Absolutely not [io9]

- The Legend of Zelda: A Link between Worlds is the best 2D Zelda game ever [Gamma Squad]

RVD may have been the best No. 20 ever, which ain't sayin' much Photo Credit: WWE.com

Winners: None
Final four: Rob Van Dam (3rd, 2006); Kane (3rd, 2008)
Multiple draws: Val Venis (2001, 2002); Shelton Benjamin (2009, 2010)
Longest: Rob Van Dam (2006); 23:52
Shortest: Kurt Angle (2005): 0:37.
Most eliminations: Three — Rob Van Dam (2006); Kane (2008)

For being so close to the conclusion of the match (and in one case, right at the end), it remains surprising how many ineffectual Royal Rumble entrants have come from No. 20.

The original No. 20, Junk Yard Dog, has a unique distinction unlikely to be usurped. He lasted just 2:08 in the 1988 Rumble, the shortest of any of the night’s 19 entrants. But he so far exceeds the performances of the worst entrants of the succeeding 25 Rumbles it’s almost astounding. The second-best worst man is Hercules, who in 1992 lasted 56 seconds. The appeal of the quick elimination from a narrative standpoint remains a Rumble stalwart year in and year out, it’s almost unfathomable to envision a Rumble in which the “worst” man of the night lasts longer than 2:08.

Only six spots have yielded just two final four finishers, and all but one (No. 21) came from closer to the start of the Rumble. (Eight spots have produced a sole final four contestant, none higher than 17). But wait, it gets worse.

Discounting spots 31-40 (used in only one Rumble), No. 20 is dead last in number of total eliminations at 14 over 26 years. No. 20 is tied with No. 5 with 18 of 26 entrants failing to record a single elimination (only No. 3 is worse at 20 of 26). Four No. 20s eliminated one man, two tossed two and two others tossed three.

Taking all that into account, crowing the best No. 20 comes down to two men — Rob Van Dam in 2006 and Kane in 2008. Both men finished third with three eliminations, the only No. 20 entrants to do either.

It's easy to crown Rob Van Dam in 2006 as the best No. 20. He’s got the most ring time (23:52) and tied with Kane (2008) with three eliminations. Kane eliminated legends entries Jimmy Snuka and Roddy Piper (not the only time those two were connected, of course) as well as a fatigued John Morrison. RVD tossed nostalgia entry Animal and then a fresh Goldust and a fatigued Carlito. Van Dam gets the slight edge with a minutes advantage of 23:52 to Kane’s 17:48.

As for the rest of the 20s? Nothing too exciting. In addition to JYD, 11 others failed to last five minutes. Shelton Benjamin entered at 20 in 2009 and 2010, and his main accomplishment was not getting eliminated by Shawn Michaels as he had in the three prior Rumbles. Hulk Hogan was in four Rumbles and three times eliminated No. 20, the most significant of which being his 1992 conquering of the Undertaker. Steve Austin also removed No. 20 three times, including both members of the New Age Outlaws, removing Jesse James in 1997 and Billy Gunn two years later.

Kurt Angle lasted but 37 memorable seconds in 2005 before Shawn Michaels showed him to the floor. That’s 28:27 shorter than Angle’s best — 29:04 in 2004. That disparity is at 29th on the list of biggest gaps between an entrant’s best and worst times.

The list of longest duration with no eliminations is rich with No. 20s. Crush, still masquerading as a member of Demolition, put up 18:34 in 1991 , 25th all time for ring duration without a single elimination. Two years later Jerry Sags lasted 21:50 with no eliminations, now 15th on the list. Greg Valentine is at 16th place on the list for 20:39 in 1994. I only count the top 30, but Damien Sandow narrowly missed the cut in 2013 with 16:26.

If No. 20 wins in 2014 it won’t be a shock, but it will be a first. The spot is long overdue for a dominant performance. In general the best times per entry spot are going to decrease between now and No. 30, which is to be expected given how much of the match has transpired by the time No. 20 hits the ring.

(And yes, I could have written about Michael Cole getting to enter the Rumble at No. 20 in 2012. But I don’t want to. If you don’t like that decision I’ll offer a full refund.)