Beyond Wrestling took its show on the road this past weekend to the WWA4 Wrestling School in Atlanta, GA. The greater Atlanta area is home to Platinum Championship Wrestling, which is Fred Yehi's home company. I've been on the "Yehi-to-Beyond" bandwagon for awhile, and that union was close to happening, but fell through on every occasion, until now. Yehi made his debut for the company's Sleeper Cell tapings against familiar rival Chip Day. However, since I've already shared a Yehi/Day match through this feature before, I'm gonna go and give y'all this offering. Davey Richards invaded PCW back in 2012, and of course he took on the stiff amateur-tinged grappler in a showcase bout. This match was one of my 100 best from 2012. Watch it now and get a preview of what you can expect from Yehi getting a first look at Beyond, hopefully the first of many.
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From the Archives: Fred Yehi vs. Davey Richards
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National Pro Wrestling Day FREE for Everyone, Plus Match and Talent News
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| The Siege faces its greatest challenge to date at NPWD Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein |
The National Pro Wrestling Day is taking better and better form by the day. More names have been announced, more matches have been signed, but the biggest news out of the camp has been that not only will live admission for the event be free, but so will the streaming. Those who aren't fortunate enough to live near Easton or those who weren't judicious enough to plan a road trip around the event will now be able to watch the show free of charge via YouTube. Last year, the streaming was for an extra fee via Smart Mark Video on Demand, but the amount of names appearing on the show were more diverse and the travel miles logged by those talents a bit more pervasive.
As for what the audience will be seeing on Saturday, the two tentative matches have been confirmed. Shynron will battle Juan Francisco de Coronado in a no disqualification match, while the bout for La Copa Idolo has been confirmed. Joe Pittman will defend against Heidi Lovelace. In addition, three other matches have been announced with a fourth tentatively scheduled via the Twitters.
First, my suspicions were correct, as the Polar Baron's Union of the Proletariat Boar of Moldova, Mr. Azerbaijan, and the Brown Morning of Belarus will battle the Baltic Siege of the Estonian Thunder Frog, Latvian Proud Oak, and Lithuanian Snow Troll in trios action. I imagine that match will be the epic conclusion of their months-long feud, and I have a sinking suspicion their clash has something innately to do with the time rifts and troubles swirling around the Chikaraverse.
The second match announced is a best two-out-of-three falls contest between Drew Gulak and Colt Cabana. Both wrestlers are steeped in the English World of Sport style of grappling, so I expect at least the first fall to be very scientific and technical. Where they drive the match from that point is anyone's guess, but I am super-excited to see how it unfolds. I am an unabashed fanatic for that kind of mat grappling, and Gulak and Cabana have proven in the past to be as good as any American at those kinds of exchanges.
The third match officially listed on the watch page will pit Hallowicked against Mike Bennett. This match has residual bad blood dripping from it, as 'Wicked was the one who made Bennett tap out to the Chikara Special to win the 2012 King of Trios tournament for the Spectral Envoy. Bennett hasn't been in a Chikara ring since that event, so he will almost certainly have a receipt he'll want to give to the Nightmare Warrior.
The most tantalizing match has not been officially announced yet, but it has been strongly hinted, if not unofficially signed via Twitter conversations. Eddie Kingston, the cantankerous git who has been in a foul mood for almost a year now, will go one on one with the indies' fastest rising ace, Frank "Don't Call Me Francis" O'Rourke. O'Rourke, who works outside of the Wrestling Is family of promotions as Biff Busick, has been lighting rings on fire with his work for more than a year now. His reputation will be tested against Kingston, who is one of the premier brawlers in any promotion right now. If the Siege/Bloc Party trios match has me most excited as a fan of story, this match has me tickled most pinkly from an in-ring standpoint.
Also, two more names have been announced for the card. The first is Sonjay Dutt, who provides a bit more outsider flavor to the show. Dutt can be hit or miss for me live, but he has name cache. Guys I've not been a fan of before have come into a Chikara atmosphere and shone in the past before, so I'm keeping my hopes up. Second isn't a wrestler but an emcee. Gavin Loudspeaker might have been a no-brainer of an announcement since he's inextricably linked to Chikara and Wrestling Is as anyone. However, I'm glad for the confirmation. I've said it before, and I'll say it again. He's one of only two super-remarkable ring announcers in history to me, the other being Howard Finkel.
National Pro Wrestling Day is shaping up to be a fabulous event. I understand if this kind of wrestling doesn't tickle you, but if it does, this caliber of card offered free of charge has got to be a godsend. I know I sound like I'm giving them free advertising (and believe me, I have not been compensated a penny for any of these posts), but I'm just that excited for Saturday.
As for what the audience will be seeing on Saturday, the two tentative matches have been confirmed. Shynron will battle Juan Francisco de Coronado in a no disqualification match, while the bout for La Copa Idolo has been confirmed. Joe Pittman will defend against Heidi Lovelace. In addition, three other matches have been announced with a fourth tentatively scheduled via the Twitters.
First, my suspicions were correct, as the Polar Baron's Union of the Proletariat Boar of Moldova, Mr. Azerbaijan, and the Brown Morning of Belarus will battle the Baltic Siege of the Estonian Thunder Frog, Latvian Proud Oak, and Lithuanian Snow Troll in trios action. I imagine that match will be the epic conclusion of their months-long feud, and I have a sinking suspicion their clash has something innately to do with the time rifts and troubles swirling around the Chikaraverse.
The second match announced is a best two-out-of-three falls contest between Drew Gulak and Colt Cabana. Both wrestlers are steeped in the English World of Sport style of grappling, so I expect at least the first fall to be very scientific and technical. Where they drive the match from that point is anyone's guess, but I am super-excited to see how it unfolds. I am an unabashed fanatic for that kind of mat grappling, and Gulak and Cabana have proven in the past to be as good as any American at those kinds of exchanges.
The third match officially listed on the watch page will pit Hallowicked against Mike Bennett. This match has residual bad blood dripping from it, as 'Wicked was the one who made Bennett tap out to the Chikara Special to win the 2012 King of Trios tournament for the Spectral Envoy. Bennett hasn't been in a Chikara ring since that event, so he will almost certainly have a receipt he'll want to give to the Nightmare Warrior.
The most tantalizing match has not been officially announced yet, but it has been strongly hinted, if not unofficially signed via Twitter conversations. Eddie Kingston, the cantankerous git who has been in a foul mood for almost a year now, will go one on one with the indies' fastest rising ace, Frank "Don't Call Me Francis" O'Rourke. O'Rourke, who works outside of the Wrestling Is family of promotions as Biff Busick, has been lighting rings on fire with his work for more than a year now. His reputation will be tested against Kingston, who is one of the premier brawlers in any promotion right now. If the Siege/Bloc Party trios match has me most excited as a fan of story, this match has me tickled most pinkly from an in-ring standpoint.
Also, two more names have been announced for the card. The first is Sonjay Dutt, who provides a bit more outsider flavor to the show. Dutt can be hit or miss for me live, but he has name cache. Guys I've not been a fan of before have come into a Chikara atmosphere and shone in the past before, so I'm keeping my hopes up. Second isn't a wrestler but an emcee. Gavin Loudspeaker might have been a no-brainer of an announcement since he's inextricably linked to Chikara and Wrestling Is as anyone. However, I'm glad for the confirmation. I've said it before, and I'll say it again. He's one of only two super-remarkable ring announcers in history to me, the other being Howard Finkel.
National Pro Wrestling Day is shaping up to be a fabulous event. I understand if this kind of wrestling doesn't tickle you, but if it does, this caliber of card offered free of charge has got to be a godsend. I know I sound like I'm giving them free advertising (and believe me, I have not been compensated a penny for any of these posts), but I'm just that excited for Saturday.
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The Wrestling Blog's OFFICIAL Best in the World Rankings, January 27
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| KING OF THE RUMBLE! KING OF THE WORLD! Photo Credit: WWE.com |
1. Daniel Bryan (Last Week: 1) - Having the entire arena go bonkers for you when you close the show is easy. Having an entire arena chant your name, or more specifically, shit on the ending of the second biggest pay-per-view of the year because you weren't involved in it? That takes talent, man.
2. Chuck Taylor (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Who said cartoon violence couldn't be tastefully done? Also, RIP crudely-sketched Michael Elgin doodle.
3. Beyonce (Last Week: Not Ranked) - I didn't even watch the Grammys and I still felt a rush of entertainment value course through my veins when she was on stage. The Illuminati may not exist, but Bey's got some otherworldly Jean-Grey-as-the-Phoenix energy radiating from her that still puts her at the center of the world's power structure.
4. Richard Sherman (Last Week: 2) - He made a really salient point in that he's not the guy who plays in a sport where dudes are kept on teams for the purpose of starting fights.
5. AJ Lee (Last Week: 6) - Rumor has it she was going to be in the Rumble in El Torito's spot, but everyone feared she would have headscissored Roman Reigns as well and then won the Rumble her-damn-self.
6. Mark Henry (Last Week: 7) - I bet Mark Henry wouldn't have let Brock Lesnar beat the ever-loving shit out of him with a chair last night. Third time is always the charm, especially for the World's Strongest Man. But I bet Jimmy John's orchestrated this whole thing so that Henry wouldn't split the wig of their most visible pitchman. THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE, AND IT IS BEING HIDDEN BY COLD CUTS AND LETTUCE.
7. Allysin Kay (Last Week: Not Ranked) - As far as draws go, scoring a double knockout against Jessicka Havok is the baddest way to go about doing it. I mean, if you can't beat Havok, you might as well make sure she's got the same amount of CTE as you do, right?
8. Carbonara Sauce (Last Week: Not Ranked)OFFICIAL HOLZERMAN HUNGERS SPONSORED ENTRY - Fettuccine carbonara was my first cheat meal on my current eating regiment the other night, and my God, it tasted better than any carbonara I've ever had in my life. Was it because I've been eating clean for two weeks and appreciated it more? Maybe, maybe not, but hot Christ, that was a damn fine meal.
9. Jennifer Lawrence (Last Week: 9) - When the biopic for Bryan comes to pass, I demand Lawrence get the lead role. I'm sure the CGI will have caught up by that point.
10. Sara del Rey (Last Week: 10) - SARA DEL REY FACT: She has won the Royal Rumble 30 consecutive times playing as her Bull Nakano create-a-wrestler on WWE 2K14. She's too respectful to use the CAW of herself.
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Instant Feedback: The Art of Trolling
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| Troll on, yo Photo Credit: WWE.com |
This McMahon, and to a lesser extent this Triple H, were sorely needed after the aforementioned Rumble. Straightforward, lukewarm, amphoteric Authority could not stand in the face of the onslaught of Daniel Bryan and his YES! Movement. While I could stand to lose the authority figure-as-central-story-figurehead altogether, the magic of Bryan has always been in fighting against the metaphysical being known as "The Evil Booker" (not to be confused with Booker T, who was never really evil as much as he was incoherent). In the same way Steve Austin needed a stodgy, traditional, whitebread boss to rebel against and an image to shatter, Bryan now must always fight the specter of what the dirt sheets say about management's apparent faith in him. Fighting that invisible boogeyman could be effective enough on its own. WWE can just throw him against the wall and have him eventually overcome those odds until he's achieved a resolution.
But professional wrestling has never been an artform to dabble in the invisible hands of fate or any subtle demon who might fill up the cracks of a larger narrative. A larger than life hero in Daniel Bryan needs an ostentatious villain, and who better to play up that role than Stephanie McMahon and her cohort, Triple H. They know they can push the buttons of the fans. They know they can troll because they've done it before. And just like their father(-in-law) before them, they know that to get the most out of a story, they have to ham it up.
So, that's why Triple H came out mockingly whine-asking if the crowd missed someone, why McMahon so schmaltzily confided to Bryan that he was held out of the Rumble match for his own safety, why she so exaggeratedly asked if the crowd came to see him and stopped COMPLETELY to let them respond. She inherited her daddy's flair for the dramatic. For those who saw her stumble in such a role at the beginning of last decade, sometimes character just needs to be coaxed out of a personality in the right situation.
I don't know if tonight's show was in direct reaction to the Rumble crowd. I don't know if they rewrote the show. Quite frankly, I don't care. If these are the performances I'm going to get from Triple H, Bryan, and especially McMahon for the next two months, then I will be happy with whatever path they choose to tread. Regular villainy doesn't get you heel heat anymore. Just look at Sheamus, who vandalized a car with his own feces for reasons unbeknownst to anyone of sound moral fiber. However, to troll is to get under the skin of a random viewer or audience member. If you want to get the fans to hate you in 2014 and in turn get behind the one you're antagonizing, intentionally find a sore spot and dig under the skin. Change the game to get better reactions. It's the perfect gameplan for the new era in WWE's history.
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Nice, Dolph, but That's Not PG
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| Photo Credit: WWE.com |
WWE's "Battle of Cleveland" last night was a surprisingly but not surprisingly decent midcard bout between the magnificent Dolph Ziggler and the chronically underestimated Miz. Miz wore a Browns jersey, which given his state in WWE and stature among most of the fans with which I interact is hilariously a propos, while Ziggler wore that Cavs jersey. Yeah, that number may not be most family friendly one to wear, but when was that ever going to stop the Show Off? Then again, maybe Ziggler was celebrating how many days were left until WrestleMania.
In a side note, I hope WWE scrounges up two wrestlers from Milwaukee for a similar battle the next time they're back in the Brew City, if only because I would love to see someone wear a Giannis Antetokounmpo Bucks jersey...
In a side note, I hope WWE scrounges up two wrestlers from Milwaukee for a similar battle the next time they're back in the Brew City, if only because I would love to see someone wear a Giannis Antetokounmpo Bucks jersey...
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Royal Rumble by (Entry) Numbers: 2014
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| On the right, the winner. On the left, the star performer. Photo Credit: WWE.com |
The most obvious starting point is Roman Reigns. In his first Rumble appearance, the Shield member logged nearly 34 minutes and made a record 12 eliminations. How good is that? Only 15 wrestlers have more career eliminations than Reigns produced in a single night — and that list of 15 includes Cody Rhodes, who was credited with his 13th elimination for helping to oust Alexander Rusev.
Reigns and CM Punk made their first final four. For Punk it was his first time in six Rumbles. His three eliminations on the night moved him to 18 all time, passing Chris Jericho (15) and Edge (17) and leaving him one behind Randy Orton for tenth on the all-time list. (A reminder here that I don’t give credit for illegal eliminations, so Kane’s endgame ouster of Punk adds nothing to the Big Red Machine’s career total.)
Punk’s 49:11 and three eliminations are impressive, though that’s only the fifth-longest time for a No. 1 entrant. There are seven No. 1s with less ring time and three or more eliminations, including Punk himself in 2011, when he made seven eliminations in just 35:21. And without going back and watching both, I’d wager Dolph Zigger in 2012 (49:47, two eliminations, fourth place) was significantly more involved in the match than Punk, whose semi-disappearing act led Wrestlespective’s Jason Mann to compare him to Road Dogg Jesse James’ rope-clinging run in 2000.
As for the winner, Batista, it was his third time entering 28th. He finished fourth in 2003, won in 2005 and again in 2014. The 2005 run was already the best No. 28 performance ever — the first and, until this year, only winner from that spot. How does 2014 stack up? A little less time (no overtime, as was needed for the classic clash with John Cena) and two fewer eliminations. So 2005 remains the best a No. 28 has ever fared.
Of course that puts Batista in the repeat winners’ club, though his Rumble career doesn’t hold a candle to the charter member, Hulk Hogan, or the others, Shawn Michaels and three-time winner Steve Austin. Batista also joins Austin and Michaels on the short list of wrestlers who have made the final four five times. The others are Glenn Jacobs (once as Diesel, four times as Kane) and Randy Orton.
Sheamus made his third final four in three years (Hogan was the first to do that, 1990-1992). The other three-timers are Big Show, Davey Boy Smith, Edge, Rock and the Undertaker. Of those, only Sheamus seems to have a chance to join Cena and Triple H in the four-time club. But given Sheamus’ style and reputation, he’s not a bad bet to make the final four at least once more, if not several more times.
Reigns’ incredible showing has a downside — it means hardly anything else happened of note during the match as would relate to Rumble history. There were only 17 eliminations left for the 29 other wrestlers — Batista had four, Punk had three … and 18 of them had none. Twelve is such an astronomical number it may just never be broken. Imagine how much less of a story there could be to tell when one mane makes 13 or 14 eliminations. At that point, why not let them own all 29?
It’s not to say there was nothing enjoyable from the other 29 spots, just nothing historic. Fellow NXT fans no doubt enjoyed seeing Rusev in the match — the perfect choice from that roster and a guy who could be a great example of how to use time in NXT to make a strong leap to the main roster. But so long as it’s on Hulu, there are a lot of people who pay no attention to NXT — especially those who only tune in to the Rumble and WrestleMania each year, so the impact of his surprise showing was muted. Plus he didn’t eliminate anybody. Neither did Kevin Nash, entering for the first time under his actual name (he was branded as Diesel in 2011).
That calls to mind the surprise entrance of John “Bradshaw” Layfield, a totally wasted spot evocative of 2012 when all three members of the announce team entered the match. As Michael Cole pointed out during the show, the JBL character had never entered a Royal Rumble. That seemed as clunk as all the “Corporate Kane” references, as if he’s materially different from regular Kane. If Corporate Kane is different, then why not acknowledge Glenn Jacobs’ turns as Isaac Yankem and Diesel?
There were ten Royal Rumble rookies in 2014, the most since 14 the 40-man event in 2011. The last time there were ten rookies in a 30-man Rumble was 2006. There were four former winners in the match as well, the same as in 2013. That’s the most ever, but it’s also happened six times in the last nine years, starting in 2006.
When people look back on this Rumble in ten years, they may or may not remember it as the night they wanted Daniel Bryan to win except he wasn’t even in the match. The only thing of note historically will be Reigns’ sheer domination and near win. If the ten Rumble rookies become Rumble veterans, there is a chance the numbers earned will be foundations of legendary career marks (I’m looking at you, Seth Rollins).
And, of course, there is sadness because we’re as far away from the next Royal Rumble as possible. Waiting sucks, especially when there are some memories from this edition many folks would like to wash away.
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Character Reboots: Jimmy Jacobs (and El Torito)
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| Jacobs has done all there is to do on the indies; could WWE comedy extend his career? Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein |
I was watching AAW's The Chaos Theory from 2013 the other day, and a Jimmy Jacobs match came up. Watching him for the last couple of years, basically as soon as he left Dragon Gate USA and came into Ring of Honor, made me wonder how a guy as solid as he was both on the stick and in the ring never got a shot in WWE. I posed the question on Twitter, and I got a bunch of answers about how Jacobs is tiny, even too much for WWE. Small indie rings and smaller competitors relative to him in those companies always made Jacobs look bigger than he was, but when you make Daniel Bryan look like John Cena and CM Punk like Roman Reigns in stature, WWE is not going to take a look at you, fair or unfair.
A few days later, I was catching up on non-RAW and Smackdown WWE programming, and Los Matadores were prominently featured. As much as I thought Primo and Epico Colon didn't get enough air time and could probably have been great as is in the current tag environment. Even Ryback and Curtis Axel, who are the bottom of the bottom in terms of "guys who win" in current tags have performed well when given extended time. But they put on the masks and the uniforms, and they got exponentially more boring. I can't comprehend how two dudes who have been able to be interesting with no gimmick can't elevate one. Say what you will about how latently racist the characters or how corny they are, but kitsch has been able to work in WWE in the past.
However, El Torito? I can't get enough of that tiny bull. His inclusion in the Royal Rumble match was one of the highlights of what was a fine Rumble match outside of the ending. The level of personal interest I have in El Torito dwarfs what I have for Los Matadores. Of course, judging the efficacy of an act by personal preference is incredibly dishonest. Sure, Los Matadores don't get TV time, but I'm not entirely sure that they've flopped as a group because I don't know what kind of impact they have on kids. They could end up being a smash hit on a rebooted Saturday Morning Slam. But then again, screw other people. SCREW YOU.
The interesting point of interest for me is that El Torito is getting a big shot to shine as a short dude. Of course, his appeal is that he is a mini-estrella and can have the kind of novelty comic relief that is both entertaining to children and to giant wrestling nerds like myself who love wrestlers dress up with serious gimmicks in promotions like Chikara. If Jacobs is too short to be a regular competitor in WWE, then could he be the right size to team with El Torito?
Obviously, the Zombie Princess character might be a misfit with Torito's fun-sized anthropomorphism, but what if WWE were to put him in an animal costume and pair him with Torito? Say, maybe, a bear? Sure, the foot-plus size difference between Torito and Jacobs might be a bit jarring, but then again, when a bear walks on its hind legs, it's one of the tallest animals around. Give him the bear costume and bill him as El Osito, and boom, you have a novelty tag team, a spot for comic relief on a card that may or may not ever get Santino Marella back from injury.
Ladies and gentlemen, I introduce to you El Pequeño Mercado de Valores - the Little Stock Market. The bull and the bear.
Obviously, a stock market character set might not be the kid-friendliest gimmick. Then again, putting furry animal avatars in IRS-style suits doesn't necessarily need context for children theoretically to enjoy. The idea is that the absurdity of having animals in business casual would be titillating for the young and absurdly kitschy for the old. Even if the team didn't have those trappings, a name is only really a name. They could still just be feral beasts with a clever name. The point isn't so much to adhere to gimmick stringency as much as it would be to provide weirdly enthralling visuals with two guys behind the masks who can wrestle and wrestle well.
Obviously, the other criticism is "Well, why would Jacobs want to be comedy fodder?" and well, I don't know what Jacobs wants out of his career. I don't know him. I can reasonably assume that he's done nearly everything one can do on the indies and wrestled nearly everyone. He presumably won't get into WWE the way he is unless William Regal masters hypnosis. If given the choice between continuing a legends tour on the indies for three figures a pop tops or getting a steady salary wearing a mask in WWE doing comic relief, I know I would pick the latter. Then again, I've never taken a bump in my life, and I don't know a thing about what motivates any pro wrestler, let alone one with the career of Jacobs.
However, this idea could be awesome if played out on WWE TV. Comic relief takes talent, and Jacobs has the chops to pull it off. Do I think this could ever happen? Only if WWE reads my dream journal. But then again, anything to get a guy who's paid his dues to get a payday, enhance a promising gimmick, and free two other guys from anchors seems like a win for me.
A few days later, I was catching up on non-RAW and Smackdown WWE programming, and Los Matadores were prominently featured. As much as I thought Primo and Epico Colon didn't get enough air time and could probably have been great as is in the current tag environment. Even Ryback and Curtis Axel, who are the bottom of the bottom in terms of "guys who win" in current tags have performed well when given extended time. But they put on the masks and the uniforms, and they got exponentially more boring. I can't comprehend how two dudes who have been able to be interesting with no gimmick can't elevate one. Say what you will about how latently racist the characters or how corny they are, but kitsch has been able to work in WWE in the past.
However, El Torito? I can't get enough of that tiny bull. His inclusion in the Royal Rumble match was one of the highlights of what was a fine Rumble match outside of the ending. The level of personal interest I have in El Torito dwarfs what I have for Los Matadores. Of course, judging the efficacy of an act by personal preference is incredibly dishonest. Sure, Los Matadores don't get TV time, but I'm not entirely sure that they've flopped as a group because I don't know what kind of impact they have on kids. They could end up being a smash hit on a rebooted Saturday Morning Slam. But then again, screw other people. SCREW YOU.
The interesting point of interest for me is that El Torito is getting a big shot to shine as a short dude. Of course, his appeal is that he is a mini-estrella and can have the kind of novelty comic relief that is both entertaining to children and to giant wrestling nerds like myself who love wrestlers dress up with serious gimmicks in promotions like Chikara. If Jacobs is too short to be a regular competitor in WWE, then could he be the right size to team with El Torito?
Obviously, the Zombie Princess character might be a misfit with Torito's fun-sized anthropomorphism, but what if WWE were to put him in an animal costume and pair him with Torito? Say, maybe, a bear? Sure, the foot-plus size difference between Torito and Jacobs might be a bit jarring, but then again, when a bear walks on its hind legs, it's one of the tallest animals around. Give him the bear costume and bill him as El Osito, and boom, you have a novelty tag team, a spot for comic relief on a card that may or may not ever get Santino Marella back from injury.
Ladies and gentlemen, I introduce to you El Pequeño Mercado de Valores - the Little Stock Market. The bull and the bear.
Obviously, a stock market character set might not be the kid-friendliest gimmick. Then again, putting furry animal avatars in IRS-style suits doesn't necessarily need context for children theoretically to enjoy. The idea is that the absurdity of having animals in business casual would be titillating for the young and absurdly kitschy for the old. Even if the team didn't have those trappings, a name is only really a name. They could still just be feral beasts with a clever name. The point isn't so much to adhere to gimmick stringency as much as it would be to provide weirdly enthralling visuals with two guys behind the masks who can wrestle and wrestle well.
Obviously, the other criticism is "Well, why would Jacobs want to be comedy fodder?" and well, I don't know what Jacobs wants out of his career. I don't know him. I can reasonably assume that he's done nearly everything one can do on the indies and wrestled nearly everyone. He presumably won't get into WWE the way he is unless William Regal masters hypnosis. If given the choice between continuing a legends tour on the indies for three figures a pop tops or getting a steady salary wearing a mask in WWE doing comic relief, I know I would pick the latter. Then again, I've never taken a bump in my life, and I don't know a thing about what motivates any pro wrestler, let alone one with the career of Jacobs.
However, this idea could be awesome if played out on WWE TV. Comic relief takes talent, and Jacobs has the chops to pull it off. Do I think this could ever happen? Only if WWE reads my dream journal. But then again, anything to get a guy who's paid his dues to get a payday, enhance a promising gimmick, and free two other guys from anchors seems like a win for me.
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Jimmy Snuka Cold Case to Be Reexamined
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| Snuka is a person of interest in the death of Nancy Argentino Photo Credit: WWE.com |
The investigation into the death of Nancy Argentino is going to be reopened for a grand jury investigation. Argentino was found in the now demolished George Washington Motor Lodge in Allentown, PA. Former WWE wrestler and then-boyfriend Jimmy Snuka was implicated in the 1983 death, but he was never charged. Argentino's injuries were consistent with her moving head striking a stationary object, and her injuries suggested "mate abuse." The grand jury will investigate the evidence and see if the authorities should press charges against Snuka.
The fact that Snuka evaded charges in the first place always felt suspicious. He originally claimed he shoved her and she hit her head, but then he recanted and said she fell over while trying to urinate on the side of the road. The district attorney didn't specify whether new evidence had popped up, but the fact that charges were never explored in the first place with that initial admission was just weird at best.
Rumors swirled that Vince McMahon shelled out a lot of money to keep Snuka from getting charged, but those accusations are without hard evidence. However, I will be interested to see if now that Snuka isn't an active WWE wrestler if it will be easier for him to be brought up. Either way, the death of Nancy Argentino needs to have some closure. If Snuka is innocent like he says he is, then I hope the process exonerates him, but if justice is required for her death, it is long the fuck overdue.
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The Best Moves Ever: Steenalizer
Kevin Steen is a man of a billion finishers. The Package Piledriver, the Sharpshooter, the Deep Sea Diverticulitis (the best name for the F5 EVER), the 450 splash. All of those moves he performs are stiff and beautiful in their own right, but I don't think I've ever seen a move as unique as the Steenalizer. I have trouble describing it, but my best attempt is that it's a powerbomb suplex that he sometimes does into the corner like he did here to Adam Cole. My love of arcane head dropping is well documented here, so duh, this move is definitely one of my favorites.
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Your Midweek Links: Rumble Fallout
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| BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Photo Credit: WWE.com |
Wrestling Links:
- The Wrestling Podcast, Episode 126: Patrick Vint [Royals Rumble]
- Instant Feedback from a Live Audience: 2014 Royal Rumble Review [The Wrestling Blog]
- 4 on 4 Fans: The Royal Rumble (f/ me!) [Wrestling on Earth]
- The Best and Worst of the Royal Rumble: I Was Saying Boo-Tista [With Leather]
- On Kendrick Lamar losing to Macklemore, WWE's Daniel Bryan, and the importance of being the People's Champ [The Smoking Section]
- WWE 2014 Royal Rumble recap: Where do we go from here? [SB Nation]
- Big Ben's Royal Rumble recap [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
- Question: What did WWE expect with the Royal Rumble? [The Only Way Is Suplex]
- Where WWE really went wrong with the Royal Rumble [Ole! Wrestling]
- Royal Rumble 2014: Will we ever forget our YES-gasm? [RTV Wrestling]
- 2014 ROYAL RUMBLE [Rumblemetrics]
- Bang for Your Buck PPV Review: 2014 Royal Rumble [Juice Make Sugar]
- Episode 16: The Royal Rumble Preview Show [The Mandible Claw]
- Alternate timelines: The Royal Rumble [Wrestling on Earth]
- Has "smark" gone mainstream? [Voices of Wrestling]
- My ideal WrestleMania XXX card [Kick-Out!! Wrestling]
- The Best and Worst of RAW: Dananiel Bryanan Clap Clap Dananiel Bryanan [With Leather]
- The Heart Is Raw: First and Last [International Object]
- Bad seed rising: Talking feuds, The Shield, and nope with Dean Ambrose [The Classical]
- Ric Flair describes wrestling in front of 190,000 people in North Korea [For the Win]
- 5 things you need to know about dating a wrestling fan [What Culture WWE]
- The next move for AJ Styles: Five matches that need to happen [TJR Wrestling]
- 20 insane glitchy wrestling video game .gifs [Dorkly]
- Pac-12 Mailbag: Oregon vs. Stanford as a WrestleMania match [Pac-12 Blog]
Non-Wrestling Links:
- A new piece by a PBS documentarian makes the case that Woody Allen may not have been a child molester [Film Drunk]
- You don't wanna live next door to China's bacon apartment [Kotaku]
- Cookin' ATVS Style: Abita Turbodog-Braised Beef Short Ribs [And the Valley Shook]
- How to make risotto, the foodstuff of love [Foodspin]
- Super Bowl Foodball Recipe: Chicken Fried Bacon Two Ways with Sausage Gravy [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
- The delicious world of Japanese Doritos [Kotaku]
- And the Valley Drinks: Clown Shoes Blaecorn Unidragon [And the Valley Shook]
- Jay Glazer once tried to fight Peyton Manning [Awful Announcing]
- Exclusive non-Madden video game Super Bowl predictions [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
- Why I don't need the NFL anymore [Suss Weekly]
- The real impact of changing the NFL extra point system [Sports on Earth]
- Is it possible to reconcile science and faith? Nope, says Neil deGrasse Tyson [Pajiba]
- Five real planets way weirder than anything in science fiction [Cracked]
- 12 of the most astounding 'living fossils' known to science [io9]
- 94 reasons Pete Seeger still matters [Gawker]
- Ten essential tenth albums [Treble Magazine]
- Why I consider myself both pro-life and pro-abortion [TH's House of Random]
- She was harassed by a games reviewer, and now she's speaking out [Kotaku]
- Dudes, stop putting women in the girlfriendzone [Jezebel]
- 13 facts about Pixar you may not know [Kotaku]
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The Referendum on Daniel Bryan Is Centered around the Wrong Person
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| LOL, people think this guy's a genius? Get a grip. Photo Credit: WWE.com |
While some points that have been made are salient and make sense, the debate on the whole annoys me because you people (YOU PEOPLE) are having a referendum on the wrong person. This conversation should be centered around Vince McMahon, and any attempt to shovel it onto Bryan as anything more than a player, however popular he may be, is lazy at best and a failure of the fourth estate in its prime directive at worst.
McMahon has been called a genius on more than one occasion. To place that label at his altar is laughable at best, but for all his foibles, I will not ever deny that his running of WWE from territory to monopolistic worldwide market leader has been impressive at least. He didn't have to be a genius to be successful. I would say the Vince McMahon of yesteryear, however, was a maverick. In some respects he still is. The Network is a bold move, and succeeding with distribution models have always been his strong suit.
However, as a creative director, to call him a genius is to set the bar low. He deserves credit for taking risks on wrestlers and pushing the envelope on guys who may not have been seen as viable by other companies. Randy Savage seemed like he was too enigmatic to catch on. Steve Austin didn't seem to have the traditional charisma. Rocky Maivia was destined to be yet another one of those "blue chippers" with whom McMahon had no idea to impart character. Even McMahon deserves a little credit being bold with Hulk Hogan. Even though the Hulkster had pretty much made himself a national star in the AWA, McMahon could have gone with Verne Gagne's conventional wisdom and kept holding him back for a payoff that may have never come.
Essentially, the same bold spirit that McMahon showed in the non-ring side of the business worked for him in the ring because he went forward with putting unproven but crowd-supported wrestlers in positions to carry his company. Somewhere between 2005, when he greenlit Batista and Cena to headline WrestleMania XXI in separate matches for the two top titles, and today, he lost that fearlessness and has reverted into a cowardly shell of a man afraid to take a risk on someone who is not in his comfort zone.
This apparent loss of his fastball has led him to an utterly recursive pattern of relying on past names to sell pay-per-views. Sure, Rock has been a boon for them financially if you pin the record Mania revenues on his back, and no matter how Brock Lesnar has done at the box office, I've enjoyed seeing him whenever he's been in the ring. But both are nostalgia plays, and the ultimate "let's get everyone who was a big star before 2008 back in the main event" play was Batista winning the Royal Rumble after nearly four years away from the company.
The Vince McMahon of 1985 would never have gone on the track he's on now because he was about pushing forward and blazing a new trail. He knew nostalgia was only good for getting former fans to come back for a cup of coffee and then leave when the new wrestlers they wanted to promote came on because they "weren't as good as the guys from back in the day." Not everyone remains open-minded for their whole lives as wrestling fans, so the cycle has to continue in order to draw new fans in.
The dream matches and nostalgia have places, but not at the expense of new stars. Was any reason valid enough NOT to have CM Punk vs. John Cena headline WrestleMania XXIX? Point to ratings all you want, but nothing comes around slower on a major star than the gates and the total non-live viewership. First, the promoter needs to find a guy who energizes the base. Then he needs to give that base an opportunity to buy good merchandise to support that wrestler. Then the wrestler needs to be given ample time to prove himself in the ring and in stories. That process, even now in the hyper-compressed billions of hours of television each week world where wrestling operates today, can take years.
Whether or not Bryan has already made it is a dishonest question. Whether he will make it is a fair one and one that may not be answered for another year at least. But what I do know is that Bryan is not the one who should take the blame for any of this right now. He's energized the base, and his merchandise is selling hot despite the fact that half of it looks like crimson and brown vomit. He can't control the chances he gets from management, and to say he should be shelved because he's not outputting at the clip of Cena, a guy who has gotten ten fucking years of that faith behind him, is a failure of what the media should actually be doing, and that's prodding at every reason why Bryan might not be getting that shot.
As I see it, that reason is McMahon. He's the one who keeps conservatively recoiling at the thought of going with an unproven wrestler to headline his main shows. If anyone needs to have a boiling hot referendum surrounding him right now, it should be the Chairman. If not, then you guys are just doing exactly what he wants you to do, blaming the talent for his own sins whether those wrestlers and personalities deserve it or not.
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The Wrestling Podcast, Episode 127: Brandon Stroud and Danielle Matheson (The NPWD Preview)
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| Don't call him Francis OR late for National Pro Wrestling Day Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein |
Episode 127: Thunder Frog Road
This week on the show, Brandon Stroud of With Leather and Danielle Matheson of the Mandible Claw stop by to preview National Pro Wrestling Day. We go through the entire card, from top to bottom, and peruse our interest in each match. Brandon breaks out the FMK (using PG terms) on the Baltic Siege, I get a lesson in how to speak Canadian from Danielle, and we choose our own [country] [adjective] [animal], Siege/Polar Baron's Union style wrestler name. Brandon describes his Republic of Doyle porno parody, and Danielle gets stars in her eyes about Eddie Kingston using the phone wrong. All in all though, we do our best to get you, yes, YOU pumped for National Pro Wrestling Day. Go there live or watch it streaming online FOR FREE. And also make a donation to Against Malaria.
Direct link for your downloading pleasure
This week on the show, Brandon Stroud of With Leather and Danielle Matheson of the Mandible Claw stop by to preview National Pro Wrestling Day. We go through the entire card, from top to bottom, and peruse our interest in each match. Brandon breaks out the FMK (using PG terms) on the Baltic Siege, I get a lesson in how to speak Canadian from Danielle, and we choose our own [country] [adjective] [animal], Siege/Polar Baron's Union style wrestler name. Brandon describes his Republic of Doyle porno parody, and Danielle gets stars in her eyes about Eddie Kingston using the phone wrong. All in all though, we do our best to get you, yes, YOU pumped for National Pro Wrestling Day. Go there live or watch it streaming online FOR FREE. And also make a donation to Against Malaria.
Direct link for your downloading pleasure
↧
Best Coast Bias: No Alarms And No Surprises, Please
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| We gonna rock this futhermucker like three the hard way Photo Credit: WWE.com |
The week's barely half over and Stamford's all up in a heaval. People want the Year of the Goat, and they want it right the beard now. The Royal Rumble winner is dealing with his lukewarm-to-die-in-a-fire response to those people as his comeback starts in-ring with middle fingers and side eyes. And possibly one of the best five guys on the roster threw his hands up in the air and headed back home with more room in his fridge than he had the last time he kinda-sorta did this kind of thing.
So how comforting must it be to have something like Main Event, a little tract completely controlled and not held judgment to the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune?
Yes, this has been referred to before as the Perfectly Cromulent Wrestling Hour. This was one of those shows, and it will be again. Yet sometimes we forget that even in the recent past perfectly cromulent was something that these shows weren't always, clogged up with the likes of Simon Dean and Mason Ryan, et al. Even here on WWEME, stories continue and the narrative of the bigger shows bleeds over but doesn't dominate. This week, like a fine football team, they hit upon the three major categories and while they didn't Dean List anything, the grades when it came to tag team, women's, and singles wrestling were more than good enough to pass.
Starting with the tag match: Sending the Intercontinental Champion and the probable next Tag Team Champions of the World against the WWE's floor known as 3MB was a bit like killing a moth with a shotgun blast, but at least it was entertaining throughout. All three of the white hats busted out some new offense, and it lead to a crowd-pleasing moment going into the break where we got Uso Flying Objects and Big E. spearing Slater while he was on the apron, Edge/Foley WM22 style without the gore and imminent death and wall of flames. Also, if Big E. ever topes I will not be held accountable for the level of SQUEE that comes out of my mouth. Honestly, 3MB's so (good at being) bad that the good guys were in control coming back from the break for a few beats. And they did some good work of their own: McIntyre helping out with a double slingshot suplex after yelling out "Now THAT's bloody tag team wrestling! Tell them!" after they gained the advantage with a Slater cheapshot, the aforementioned leader trying to bail out his team by picking up Drew and putting him in their corner after a dragon enzuigiri had sent him to the floor so he could tag out, and I totally respect Jinder Mahal's right to exist. Unfortunately, when Heath came in, so did Big E., and splut splut splut. Alongside kielbasa on the Champ's like list is the Cabbage Patch, which is fine since it's not his defining characteristic.
Speaking of people not in love with Big Dave, Alberto del Rio showed off a bit of his defining characteristic in the opener v. R-Truth: still really good, but not, you know... Batista good or anything. While this match wasn't bad, it was also never in doubt, two segger or no. Even if the mentor to Xavier Woods was the first person to land all ten punches in the corner and the axe kick, it wasn't a matter of if but when and how, and it turned out to be roughly about 10 minutes in with the rope-hung double stomp he employed to considerable effect on Sin Cara in last week's great match. Alongside the Codearmbreaker, it's another bit of great signature offense for the former World Champion and it just looks nasty every time he does it no matter how much stank he puts on it. Add the longstanding history of the double stomp in lucha libre and it all makes sense.
Foxsana was mad at the Bellas for beating them last week, NattieKat was mad at Tamina and vice versa, and AJ's snark on commentary kept me alive even if her lackey's hope of beating the Hart Dungeon's female North Star went down quick as a rollup. This was more of an angle than a match, as when AJ jumped Natalya post-match she got cleared out by the Funkadactyls and left Tamina to get the flying butt pliers. She is the longest reigning holder of the Lisa Frank Memorial title and the longest reigning Champion in WWE period (if even only by one match), and what else is a lackey for, anyhow? Most compelling was that all the ancillary characters in the pre-match segment didn't have anything to do with the match proper or the aftermath.
A secondary feud for divas?
Pfft.
Next thing you'll tell me there'll be a six-man PWG tag team called More Punk For Your Bucks.
So how comforting must it be to have something like Main Event, a little tract completely controlled and not held judgment to the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune?
Yes, this has been referred to before as the Perfectly Cromulent Wrestling Hour. This was one of those shows, and it will be again. Yet sometimes we forget that even in the recent past perfectly cromulent was something that these shows weren't always, clogged up with the likes of Simon Dean and Mason Ryan, et al. Even here on WWEME, stories continue and the narrative of the bigger shows bleeds over but doesn't dominate. This week, like a fine football team, they hit upon the three major categories and while they didn't Dean List anything, the grades when it came to tag team, women's, and singles wrestling were more than good enough to pass.
Starting with the tag match: Sending the Intercontinental Champion and the probable next Tag Team Champions of the World against the WWE's floor known as 3MB was a bit like killing a moth with a shotgun blast, but at least it was entertaining throughout. All three of the white hats busted out some new offense, and it lead to a crowd-pleasing moment going into the break where we got Uso Flying Objects and Big E. spearing Slater while he was on the apron, Edge/Foley WM22 style without the gore and imminent death and wall of flames. Also, if Big E. ever topes I will not be held accountable for the level of SQUEE that comes out of my mouth. Honestly, 3MB's so (good at being) bad that the good guys were in control coming back from the break for a few beats. And they did some good work of their own: McIntyre helping out with a double slingshot suplex after yelling out "Now THAT's bloody tag team wrestling! Tell them!" after they gained the advantage with a Slater cheapshot, the aforementioned leader trying to bail out his team by picking up Drew and putting him in their corner after a dragon enzuigiri had sent him to the floor so he could tag out, and I totally respect Jinder Mahal's right to exist. Unfortunately, when Heath came in, so did Big E., and splut splut splut. Alongside kielbasa on the Champ's like list is the Cabbage Patch, which is fine since it's not his defining characteristic.
Speaking of people not in love with Big Dave, Alberto del Rio showed off a bit of his defining characteristic in the opener v. R-Truth: still really good, but not, you know... Batista good or anything. While this match wasn't bad, it was also never in doubt, two segger or no. Even if the mentor to Xavier Woods was the first person to land all ten punches in the corner and the axe kick, it wasn't a matter of if but when and how, and it turned out to be roughly about 10 minutes in with the rope-hung double stomp he employed to considerable effect on Sin Cara in last week's great match. Alongside the Codearmbreaker, it's another bit of great signature offense for the former World Champion and it just looks nasty every time he does it no matter how much stank he puts on it. Add the longstanding history of the double stomp in lucha libre and it all makes sense.
Foxsana was mad at the Bellas for beating them last week, NattieKat was mad at Tamina and vice versa, and AJ's snark on commentary kept me alive even if her lackey's hope of beating the Hart Dungeon's female North Star went down quick as a rollup. This was more of an angle than a match, as when AJ jumped Natalya post-match she got cleared out by the Funkadactyls and left Tamina to get the flying butt pliers. She is the longest reigning holder of the Lisa Frank Memorial title and the longest reigning Champion in WWE period (if even only by one match), and what else is a lackey for, anyhow? Most compelling was that all the ancillary characters in the pre-match segment didn't have anything to do with the match proper or the aftermath.
A secondary feud for divas?
Pfft.
Next thing you'll tell me there'll be a six-man PWG tag team called More Punk For Your Bucks.
↧
↧
A Tale of Two Tales: National Pro Wrestling Day 2014 Preview
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| Will Icarus have to be pressed into battle once more? Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein |
National Pro Wrestling Day is in Easton, PA on Saturday. The show starts at 1 PM. A gaggle of WrestleBros, including myself, will be there. Beyond those facts, I am not sure how to gauge what is going to happen in two days. The narrative splits into two distinct tenors for the events to unfold at the Palmer Center/Funplex.
The superficial story for National Pro Wrestling Day is an event full of fun, colorful characters from the Chikaraverse coming together and raising money for an awesome charity, Against Malaria. Scores will be settled. A title will be contested. Two mat technicians will go toe to toe in a best two-out-of-three falls match in what is being positioned as the nominal main event. Mirth and merriment will be offered for all in the name of wrestling and helping out the less fortunate.
But beneath the surface lies something a bit meatier, a bit more mysterious, a bit more dangerous. The cast of characters at NPWD and the venue suggest that this gathering is part and parcel of the Chikara/Wrestling Is family of promotions. Chikara is coming up on eight months dormant, and the only three piece of the Wrestling Is CHIKARA! anagram left standing are the H, the K, and the exclamation point. Someone has been funding a ghost army of rogues that is nominally headed by Dr. Cube and contains such fiends as the Gekido, the Bruderschaft des Kreuzes, and Sinn Bodhi. They paid off Sidney Bakabella to join their mission. I don't know if Bakabella and his Wrecking Crew are beholden to ideologies. All I know is that he loves money and will do anything for the best payday.
Not incidentally, a story of resistance and familiarity called Ashes has played out through other, more viral channels. Although many who have competed under the Chikara banner have lost their ability to give a flip about their former home, a dedicated few still hold lit torches. Hallowicked is still training recruits at the Wrestle Factory. The Colony continue their search for their AWOL third member. Shane Matthews and Scott Parker may have gone to the LOST Island in search of their answers. Eddie Kingston still calls the Chikara Grand Championship "her." And Icarus has been the only one trying to do anything to raise up an army to fight for his home, against the will of those who want to destroy it from without.
Some of the above have been announced for the event. Hallowicked will wrestle Mike Bennett. the Colony's match hasn't been announced, but by process of elimination, they'll more than likely be going up against Los Ice Creams. Eddie Kingston greets Frank O'Rourke in battle. I can't imagine, however, that Icarus or 3.0 will be missing completely. Much like Mike Quackenbush's fandom of LOST is worn on his sleeve, the structure of the Ashes videos feels like a typical season of the science fiction mystery thriller series that took up many hours of my life during its run on television. Each video hints at something bigger, something more pervasive, but very few plot points are resolved until the season finale, when the floodgates burst open.
So, is National Pro Wrestling Day that "season finale," much like Aniversario: Never Compromise felt like a finale for the two years that preceded it? The members of 3.0 pressed Archibald Peck into a corner until he admitted that something could be done. The final video cut to a creepy shot of Cube and the Gekido standing ominously in a semicircle in a dimly-lit room with the words "The End Is Now" fading in. If I had to guess when a climax would come to this story, NPWD is the most logical point (with May 25, 2014 as the second most logical, given that it was the date on Peck's big board).
Even so, the secretive, almost separated Ashes/defense of Chikara story may be obscuring several micronarratives, some which may be connected to the battle looming as a direct result of Aniversario. The Baltic Siege will face their own reckoning, as the Polar Baron's Union will do battle with them one more time. The Polar Baron has promised he will make an offer to the Siege that they could not refuse. The troubles in Chikara started to intensify when these Eastern European avatars began to appear on the scene, and their war has been a constant across every branch of the Wrestling Is galaxy. I may be reaching, but I think their battle will be integral to the big picture.
One feud coming to an apparent close that has seemed self-contained is the no-disqualification bout between Shynron and Juan Francisco de Coronado. Shynron burst onto the scene last year and gave Coronado fits enough to drive a wedge between the latter and his manservant, Herbert. The Spirit Dragon sympathized with Herbert, and as a result, he won the services of Coronado as a manservant. If any bout on the card is for pride, this match would fill that bill.
Hallowicked's battle against Bennett also has some history; the latter tapped out to the former en route to the Spectral Envoy's victory at King of Trios '12. Other than that match, not a whole lot of action is going on that is steeped in hatred. Maybe Joe Pittman's comments to Heidi Lovelace over Twitter were a bit rude. Maybe Kingston and O'Rourke will potato each other into some kind of insta-feud. Perhaps Colt Cabana will do something chippy in order to set off a fuse in Drew Gulak. Both Eric Corvis and Sonjay Dutt have a bit of peacock in them. But if nothing else goes down, NPWD will be a really fun wrestling show with some feuds culminating on it or building within it. In other words, this show may not have the Chikara name, but it will feel like a Chikara show.
Maybe the biggest clue as to what might happen at NPWD is that the card is structured as if this were Chikara's regular jaunt into Easton in February. To act as if the company never left might feel like trollbait, but no matter how far any average fan has gone down the rabbit hole of viral material, one consensus remains the same. Everyone wants Chikara back, and my guess is everyone would love to pretend that maybe it never left in the first place. I know I am aching for a return of some sort.
So the two narratives may not be as disparate as once thought. Still, trying to extrapolate a concrete resolution from the swirling vacuum of chaos that is the Chikaraverse right now may be as foolish as expecting Daniel Bryan to be in the Royal Rumble without advertisement (too soon?). Still, the fireworks factory is on the horizon, but even if that destination is not arrived upon on Saturday, I don't think the wait will be too much longer afterwards.
And hey, the afternoon of wrestling, which is free for everyone who wants to watch live or remotely, looks absolutely spiffy regardless of storyline implication.
National Pro Wrestling Day will happen at 1 PM Eastern Standard Time in Easton, PA at the Easton Funplex, located at 4100 Green Pond Road. Doors will open at the venue at 12 PM. You can tune in live via a YouTube stream embedded at their site. The event is free of charge to view no matter where you are, but you really should donate money to Against Malaria.
The superficial story for National Pro Wrestling Day is an event full of fun, colorful characters from the Chikaraverse coming together and raising money for an awesome charity, Against Malaria. Scores will be settled. A title will be contested. Two mat technicians will go toe to toe in a best two-out-of-three falls match in what is being positioned as the nominal main event. Mirth and merriment will be offered for all in the name of wrestling and helping out the less fortunate.
But beneath the surface lies something a bit meatier, a bit more mysterious, a bit more dangerous. The cast of characters at NPWD and the venue suggest that this gathering is part and parcel of the Chikara/Wrestling Is family of promotions. Chikara is coming up on eight months dormant, and the only three piece of the Wrestling Is CHIKARA! anagram left standing are the H, the K, and the exclamation point. Someone has been funding a ghost army of rogues that is nominally headed by Dr. Cube and contains such fiends as the Gekido, the Bruderschaft des Kreuzes, and Sinn Bodhi. They paid off Sidney Bakabella to join their mission. I don't know if Bakabella and his Wrecking Crew are beholden to ideologies. All I know is that he loves money and will do anything for the best payday.
Not incidentally, a story of resistance and familiarity called Ashes has played out through other, more viral channels. Although many who have competed under the Chikara banner have lost their ability to give a flip about their former home, a dedicated few still hold lit torches. Hallowicked is still training recruits at the Wrestle Factory. The Colony continue their search for their AWOL third member. Shane Matthews and Scott Parker may have gone to the LOST Island in search of their answers. Eddie Kingston still calls the Chikara Grand Championship "her." And Icarus has been the only one trying to do anything to raise up an army to fight for his home, against the will of those who want to destroy it from without.
Some of the above have been announced for the event. Hallowicked will wrestle Mike Bennett. the Colony's match hasn't been announced, but by process of elimination, they'll more than likely be going up against Los Ice Creams. Eddie Kingston greets Frank O'Rourke in battle. I can't imagine, however, that Icarus or 3.0 will be missing completely. Much like Mike Quackenbush's fandom of LOST is worn on his sleeve, the structure of the Ashes videos feels like a typical season of the science fiction mystery thriller series that took up many hours of my life during its run on television. Each video hints at something bigger, something more pervasive, but very few plot points are resolved until the season finale, when the floodgates burst open.
So, is National Pro Wrestling Day that "season finale," much like Aniversario: Never Compromise felt like a finale for the two years that preceded it? The members of 3.0 pressed Archibald Peck into a corner until he admitted that something could be done. The final video cut to a creepy shot of Cube and the Gekido standing ominously in a semicircle in a dimly-lit room with the words "The End Is Now" fading in. If I had to guess when a climax would come to this story, NPWD is the most logical point (with May 25, 2014 as the second most logical, given that it was the date on Peck's big board).
Even so, the secretive, almost separated Ashes/defense of Chikara story may be obscuring several micronarratives, some which may be connected to the battle looming as a direct result of Aniversario. The Baltic Siege will face their own reckoning, as the Polar Baron's Union will do battle with them one more time. The Polar Baron has promised he will make an offer to the Siege that they could not refuse. The troubles in Chikara started to intensify when these Eastern European avatars began to appear on the scene, and their war has been a constant across every branch of the Wrestling Is galaxy. I may be reaching, but I think their battle will be integral to the big picture.
One feud coming to an apparent close that has seemed self-contained is the no-disqualification bout between Shynron and Juan Francisco de Coronado. Shynron burst onto the scene last year and gave Coronado fits enough to drive a wedge between the latter and his manservant, Herbert. The Spirit Dragon sympathized with Herbert, and as a result, he won the services of Coronado as a manservant. If any bout on the card is for pride, this match would fill that bill.
Hallowicked's battle against Bennett also has some history; the latter tapped out to the former en route to the Spectral Envoy's victory at King of Trios '12. Other than that match, not a whole lot of action is going on that is steeped in hatred. Maybe Joe Pittman's comments to Heidi Lovelace over Twitter were a bit rude. Maybe Kingston and O'Rourke will potato each other into some kind of insta-feud. Perhaps Colt Cabana will do something chippy in order to set off a fuse in Drew Gulak. Both Eric Corvis and Sonjay Dutt have a bit of peacock in them. But if nothing else goes down, NPWD will be a really fun wrestling show with some feuds culminating on it or building within it. In other words, this show may not have the Chikara name, but it will feel like a Chikara show.
Maybe the biggest clue as to what might happen at NPWD is that the card is structured as if this were Chikara's regular jaunt into Easton in February. To act as if the company never left might feel like trollbait, but no matter how far any average fan has gone down the rabbit hole of viral material, one consensus remains the same. Everyone wants Chikara back, and my guess is everyone would love to pretend that maybe it never left in the first place. I know I am aching for a return of some sort.
So the two narratives may not be as disparate as once thought. Still, trying to extrapolate a concrete resolution from the swirling vacuum of chaos that is the Chikaraverse right now may be as foolish as expecting Daniel Bryan to be in the Royal Rumble without advertisement (too soon?). Still, the fireworks factory is on the horizon, but even if that destination is not arrived upon on Saturday, I don't think the wait will be too much longer afterwards.
And hey, the afternoon of wrestling, which is free for everyone who wants to watch live or remotely, looks absolutely spiffy regardless of storyline implication.
National Pro Wrestling Day will happen at 1 PM Eastern Standard Time in Easton, PA at the Easton Funplex, located at 4100 Green Pond Road. Doors will open at the venue at 12 PM. You can tune in live via a YouTube stream embedded at their site. The event is free of charge to view no matter where you are, but you really should donate money to Against Malaria.
↧
Throwback Thursday: Pepe Wins! Pepe Wins!
This week, a grown man jobs to a hobby horse.
Tip of the hat goes this week to @brandonRowher, who not only gave Pepe as his wrestler, but also provided the clip.
Tip of the hat goes this week to @brandonRowher, who not only gave Pepe as his wrestler, but also provided the clip.
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Any Shows This Weekend? National Pro Wrestling Weekend
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| Do the Inner City Machine Guns have what it takes to win this year's DDT4? Photo Credit: Devin Chen |
Wrestling and the weekend go together like lamb and tuna fish. Wait, strike that, I've been watching too many Adam Sandler movies lately. Anyway, wrestling and the weekend go together like peanut butter and jelly. That the best shows happening from Friday night through Sunday is no coincidence, my friends, and this weekend, the shows will not be in short supply. I will describe the premiere events down below, but if you don't see one and still wanna partake, head on over to Pro Wrestling Events to see if any are in your area. Until then, the best of the best are described below.
FRIDAY
My favorite tournament in wrestling is King of Trios, but a close second is the Dynamite Duumvirate Tag Team Title Tournament presented by Pro Wrestling Guerrilla, known more by its shorthand of DDT4. PWG's annual tag team tournament will for the second year in a row be their first event of the calendar frame. The American Legion Post #308 in Reseda, CA with a bell time of 8 PM local time. Last year, the Young Bucks won and spoiled El Generico's final appearance in the company before he went to help the orphans. This year, they will abstain from the bracket [read: are too chickenshit to defend their belts?] and eight more teams will vie for the chance to take said belts from the Bucks.
The brackets shake out as such: Kevin Steen and Adam Cole will butt heads with Joey Ryan and Candice LeRae. The Best Friends of Trent? and Chuck Taylor collide with the RockNES Monsters, the Johnnies Goodtime and Yuma. The Unbreakable F'n Machines of Michael Elgin and Brian Cage will take on the dastardly upstarts PPRay (Ray Rosas and Pretty Peter Avalon). And in the final first round match, the Inner City Machine Guns of Ricochet and Rich Swann will take on AR Fox and ACH. The semifinals and final matches will happen tonight as well. In addition to the tourney action, Adam Thornstowe will migrate from NorCal to make his company debut against Tommaso Ciampa, and Kyle O'Reilly, Drake Younger, Johnny Gargano, and Chris Hero will square off in four-way action.
SATURDAY
I previewed National Pro Wrestling Day in depth yesterday, but again, if you're anywhere close to the area, come on down to the Easton Funplex in Easton, PA. Doors open at 12 noon local time, and if you're at home anywhere in the world, check it out streaming on YouTube at 1 PM Eastern Standard Time. DO IT.
For those on the West Coast looking for some fun wrestling to watch after streaming NPWD, Quintessential Pro Wrestling will be promoting an impressively stacked show at the Monrovia Masonic Center in Monrovia, CA. Bell time is 8 PM local time. The main event pits Quintessential Pro Champion Adam Thornstowe against the Ultraviolent Golden Boy, Drake Younger. Joey Ryan is used to teaming with a lady in PWG, but on this show, he'll be staring across the ring from a female opponent, perhaps the best one possible in America, Cheerleader Melissa. The RockNES Monsters will be in action against Willie Mack and B-Boy, while Kevin Steen locks up with former NWA World Champion Adam Pearce. Kyle O'Reilly tangles with Brian Kendrick, Brian Cage gets Nick Madrid, and the team of PPRay will have to deal with former rivals turned allies Christina von Eerie and Candice LeRae.
USA Pro Wrestling will be setting up another star-studded card at the Orlando National Guard Armory in Orlando, FL. Doors will open 6 PM. The list of wrestlers at this show is pretty impressive; Chris Hero, the Headbangers, Vordell Walker, Jon Davis, Frankie Ciatso, Jesse Neal, Sam Shaw, Tyson Tomko, and 2 Cold Scorpio will all be making appearances here.
The Russian Community Center in Vancouver, BC will play host to Elite Canadian Championship Wrestling's Return of the King. Doors open at 7:30 PM local time. Which King is making his return? Why, that would be the King of the Yukon, of course, who comes back to team with Kenny Lush against the Bollywood Boyz. Nicole Matthews will also defend her Women's Championship against KC Spinelli.
Destination-1 Wrestling will settle down for a night of ECW throwback action at the Colgate Gym in Clarksville, IN. Doors will open at 7 PM local time. The main event pits D-1 Champion Tracey Smothers against former ECW colleague and current House of Hardcore auteur Tommy Dreamer. Among the other notable wrestlers appearing on the show are the Irish Airborne, Alex Colon, Mad Man Pondo, Crazy Mary Dobson, and Sabu.
Empire Pro Wrestling will send out its Parade of Champions at the Empire Arena in Rossville, GA at 8:05 PM local time. All belts will be defended, including the Heavyweight Title by Shaun Tempers, the Jr. Heavyweight Championship by Johnny Viper, and the Tag Team Championships by the Best of the Best.
Platinum Championship Wrestling will be running out of the Main Event in Porterdale, GA at 6 PM local time. The main event will pit Chip Day against Marko Polo for the PCW Championship.
NWA Smoky Mountain will present Encore 2014 at the Kingsport Civic Auditorium at 8 PM local time. The main event will pit Jason Kincaid against Chase Owens one more time for a shot at the NWA Jr. Heavyweight Championship. The catch? It will be contested under Tables, Ladders, and Chairs rules. Also appearing on the show will be Sugar Dunkerton and Cedric Alexander.
Wrestling is awesome, and events like National Pro Wrestling Day aim to celebrate the artform. However, that art cannot grow if you don't support it. Take a chance on a live show this weekend. Bring your kids (as long as the show is all-ages, and really, very few promotions have earned the right not to be all-ages). Bring a friend. Or just go by yourself. You never know, your favorite wrestler or promotion may be out there. You just don't know it yet.
FRIDAY
My favorite tournament in wrestling is King of Trios, but a close second is the Dynamite Duumvirate Tag Team Title Tournament presented by Pro Wrestling Guerrilla, known more by its shorthand of DDT4. PWG's annual tag team tournament will for the second year in a row be their first event of the calendar frame. The American Legion Post #308 in Reseda, CA with a bell time of 8 PM local time. Last year, the Young Bucks won and spoiled El Generico's final appearance in the company before he went to help the orphans. This year, they will abstain from the bracket [read: are too chickenshit to defend their belts?] and eight more teams will vie for the chance to take said belts from the Bucks.
The brackets shake out as such: Kevin Steen and Adam Cole will butt heads with Joey Ryan and Candice LeRae. The Best Friends of Trent? and Chuck Taylor collide with the RockNES Monsters, the Johnnies Goodtime and Yuma. The Unbreakable F'n Machines of Michael Elgin and Brian Cage will take on the dastardly upstarts PPRay (Ray Rosas and Pretty Peter Avalon). And in the final first round match, the Inner City Machine Guns of Ricochet and Rich Swann will take on AR Fox and ACH. The semifinals and final matches will happen tonight as well. In addition to the tourney action, Adam Thornstowe will migrate from NorCal to make his company debut against Tommaso Ciampa, and Kyle O'Reilly, Drake Younger, Johnny Gargano, and Chris Hero will square off in four-way action.
SATURDAY
I previewed National Pro Wrestling Day in depth yesterday, but again, if you're anywhere close to the area, come on down to the Easton Funplex in Easton, PA. Doors open at 12 noon local time, and if you're at home anywhere in the world, check it out streaming on YouTube at 1 PM Eastern Standard Time. DO IT.
For those on the West Coast looking for some fun wrestling to watch after streaming NPWD, Quintessential Pro Wrestling will be promoting an impressively stacked show at the Monrovia Masonic Center in Monrovia, CA. Bell time is 8 PM local time. The main event pits Quintessential Pro Champion Adam Thornstowe against the Ultraviolent Golden Boy, Drake Younger. Joey Ryan is used to teaming with a lady in PWG, but on this show, he'll be staring across the ring from a female opponent, perhaps the best one possible in America, Cheerleader Melissa. The RockNES Monsters will be in action against Willie Mack and B-Boy, while Kevin Steen locks up with former NWA World Champion Adam Pearce. Kyle O'Reilly tangles with Brian Kendrick, Brian Cage gets Nick Madrid, and the team of PPRay will have to deal with former rivals turned allies Christina von Eerie and Candice LeRae.
USA Pro Wrestling will be setting up another star-studded card at the Orlando National Guard Armory in Orlando, FL. Doors will open 6 PM. The list of wrestlers at this show is pretty impressive; Chris Hero, the Headbangers, Vordell Walker, Jon Davis, Frankie Ciatso, Jesse Neal, Sam Shaw, Tyson Tomko, and 2 Cold Scorpio will all be making appearances here.
The Russian Community Center in Vancouver, BC will play host to Elite Canadian Championship Wrestling's Return of the King. Doors open at 7:30 PM local time. Which King is making his return? Why, that would be the King of the Yukon, of course, who comes back to team with Kenny Lush against the Bollywood Boyz. Nicole Matthews will also defend her Women's Championship against KC Spinelli.
Destination-1 Wrestling will settle down for a night of ECW throwback action at the Colgate Gym in Clarksville, IN. Doors will open at 7 PM local time. The main event pits D-1 Champion Tracey Smothers against former ECW colleague and current House of Hardcore auteur Tommy Dreamer. Among the other notable wrestlers appearing on the show are the Irish Airborne, Alex Colon, Mad Man Pondo, Crazy Mary Dobson, and Sabu.
Empire Pro Wrestling will send out its Parade of Champions at the Empire Arena in Rossville, GA at 8:05 PM local time. All belts will be defended, including the Heavyweight Title by Shaun Tempers, the Jr. Heavyweight Championship by Johnny Viper, and the Tag Team Championships by the Best of the Best.
Platinum Championship Wrestling will be running out of the Main Event in Porterdale, GA at 6 PM local time. The main event will pit Chip Day against Marko Polo for the PCW Championship.
NWA Smoky Mountain will present Encore 2014 at the Kingsport Civic Auditorium at 8 PM local time. The main event will pit Jason Kincaid against Chase Owens one more time for a shot at the NWA Jr. Heavyweight Championship. The catch? It will be contested under Tables, Ladders, and Chairs rules. Also appearing on the show will be Sugar Dunkerton and Cedric Alexander.
Wrestling is awesome, and events like National Pro Wrestling Day aim to celebrate the artform. However, that art cannot grow if you don't support it. Take a chance on a live show this weekend. Bring your kids (as long as the show is all-ages, and really, very few promotions have earned the right not to be all-ages). Bring a friend. Or just go by yourself. You never know, your favorite wrestler or promotion may be out there. You just don't know it yet.
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Instant Feedback: The Thrill
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| You can't see the fan I refer to here, but this is about the time when he was marking out like a youngster Photo Credit: WWE.com |
Among the throng of people shouting "YES!" at the rare black hat vs. black hat match was an elderly man, white hair slicked over to the side, black and red rugby shirt adorning his upper body. He had a surly look about him, like a sailor or an old hockey pro from a time long passed. But along with the young kids and the lifer fans from the Attitude Era, he swooped his arm across his chest in uppercutting fashion and in grandfatherly fashion mouthed the affirmative that put the match in stone.
No matter what date was on that man's birth certificate, he had the thrill as if he was standing in the crowds in his youth.
I know I've gone through a lot of grief and weirdness this week. The Rumble fallout, Daniel Bryan narratives, and CM Punk's walkout was a butterfly whose wings caused a perfect storm of annoying discussion. Half was dealing with fans and writers, no matter whether I held them in high esteem or not, engaging in arguments that I thought were running in place at best. The other half was the sinking idea that the puppetmasters within WWE were immersed some kind of out-of-touch ideal represented by the "PLEASE LIKE ME" campaign of Batista-fluffing articles on the Dot Com. WWE did not make things easy to be a plugged-in fan.
But then I saw that fan tonight, that guy who probably saw it all, from the Original Sheik and Andre the Giant selling out arenas in Detroit to the national push to Hulkamania and the Monday Night Wars. And he was there in the front row, looking like he was still as drowned in the spirit of being a fan. Smackdown tonight had a wealth of those moments. When Dolph Ziggler hit the canvas after failing at his Zig Zag, allowing Antonio Cesaro to pick him up with the Giant Swing, I felt the thrill. When Titus O'Neil left his partner Darren Young out to dry, I felt the thrill. When Christian fell from the heavens to get one more match, when Summer Rae broke Emma's sign in half, when Bryan told the piped in noisemaker to chill with that artificial shit, and when Roman Reigns broke Rey Mysterio in half, I felt the thrill.
I don't think fans should ever turn off their brains. Whether you're just looking to blow off steam or whether you're like me and process everything critically, you should never accept something as is for the sake of trying to force yourself to like something. But when the show allows you to be able to lose yourself in its warm arms, then all the cares in the world can melt away like old snow under the warmth of the Sun. Smackdown reminded me that in many cases, the backstage chatter and speculation machine are irrelevant. When the show is clicking, then no matter how old I am, I feel the thrill.
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The Fireworks Factory: National Pro Wrestling Day '14 Review
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| Hey Bloc Party, why not stay at the Doubletree... Photo Credit: D. "Heinekenrana" O'Brien |
Highlights:
- Colt Cabana defeated Drew Gulak in the opening best two-of-three falls match two falls to one. He scored the final fall with a twisting leg submission.
- The Baltic Siege defeated the Polar Baron's Union when the Lithuanian Snow Troll rolled up the Brown Morning of Belarus. After the match, the Estonian Thunder Frog debuted a new hammer that he used to drive into the chest of the Morning, halting the Union's post-match attack.
- History repeated itself, as Hallowicked tapped Mike Bennett with the Chikara Special.
- Dasher Hatfield replaced the injured Frank O'Rourke and took out Eddie Kingston with an Oklahoma roll.
- Eric Corvis took advantage of a missed moonsault and rolled up Sonjay Dutt for the pin.
- Shynron won the no-disqualification grudge match with Juan Francisco de Coronado with a second rope 630 senton.
- Heidi Lovelace looked to have La Copa Idolo won with the Chikara Special until the combined forces of evil, led by a man revealed to be Jimmy Jacobs, interrupted the match and smashed the cup.
- A Chikara resistance, led by the call of the Submission Squad (!!) beat back those combined forces and proclaimed Chikara reborn. The return date was announced as May 25, 2014.
- In the bonus main event, the team of the Osirian Portal, Colony, and Icarus defeated Los Ice Creams and the Batiri. Icarus tapped out one of the Ice Creams with the Chikara Special.
General Observations:
- The Submission Squad were stuck at the same corner they were during King of Trios '12, car broken down, all in full costume. Deja vu?
- The first match was surprisingly the best two-out-of-three falls match between Drew Gulak and Colt Cabana. I guess they had reasons not putting this in the main event slot.
- Cabana tossed his jacket to the photographer instead of the ring crew guy. "I trust him more."
- The action got a bit chippy at times, but neither really broke their mat wrestling. Gulak hit a few headbutts here and there, and Cabana actually looked like he was going to break the match wide open with some elbows, but they kept level heads throughout.
- Gulak got the first fall with a tight Dragon sleeper, and almost immediately after Bryce Remsburg called for the bell for the second, Cabana got the second with the Billy Goat's Curse.
- In the third fall, Cabana went for a second Billy Goat's Curse and looked as if he legitimately twisted Gulak's knee. Last year at the event, Frank O'Rourke dropped him on the top of his skull on a superplex. Is Gulak taking a nasty-looking bump his NPWD tradition? I hope not.
- Maria Kanellis' role at the show was special guest host, mainly in charge of letting folks know of the progress of the campaign towards Against Malaria. They well-surpassed their $5,000 goal, for the record.
- The Latvian Proud Oak danced like he did at the Norristown Wrestling Is Fun! show, although it wasn't set to '80s synth pop music.
- The Proud Oak and Mr. Azerbaijan engaged in an epic back rake war at one point during this match, even going to the top rope.
- I love Mr. Azerbaijan's lazy dropping suplexes and slams. They're just the perfect combination of rudo arrogance and weightlifter strength.
- The Siege situated the Proletariat Boar and Mr. Azerbaijan into the tree of woe in the same corner with the Proud Oak holding. The other two suplexed the Brown Morning into his partners in one of the most visually impressive spots of the night.
- After the match, the Snow Troll got beaten down by the entire Union, with the Thunder Frog being notoriously absent. He emerged back in the arena with a NEW HAMMER! He cleared the ring by driving the hammer down on the Brown Morning's chest. RIP Brown Morning of Belarus. You were a fine X-Man.
- Colt Cabana came out and awarded the Ambassador of Pro Wrestling to Mike Burns of Smart Mark Video, ironic since during the next match, I read more than a few tweets about the stream going in and out. One tweeter called the quality "sub-ROH level." Yikes.
- Hallowicked looked like he was going to try a plancha on Mike Bennett, and Bennett SHRIEKED in horror before moving out of the way. That siren call did more to sell Wicked's offense than nearly anything else anyone could have done.
- A clearly punch drunk Bennett looked to get away from a 'Wicked barrage of punches and tried to tag in a Young Buck who wasn't there.
- After the match, elseworlds valet and real life fiancee Kanellis looked at a defeated Bennett with a smirk on her face.
- Frank O'Rourke had to pull out of the event with an injury, so Eddie Kingston's opponent would be... Dasher Hatfield!
- Kingston threatened some children before the match, but unlike Chuck Taylor, whose shtick usually ended with making kids cry, Kingston actually offered them out one by one. One kid took him up on it. That kid ruled.
- Hatfield's chest looked like hamburger about midway through the match. Kingston wasn't holding back at all.
- The crowd kept chanting "You are Chikara!" at Kingston, and he was visibly upset. After the match, he kept yelling "CHIKARA'S DEAD!" to the crowd.
- Eric Corvis went to the book early in his match, and Sonjay Dutt took advantage of it. Corvis was able to counter out and hit a dropkick though.
- Dutt made the crowd move out of the way to clear out for a plancha type move, but he then just threw Corvis back into the ring. At another juncture, when the crowd had moved out of the way for a Corvis plancha, Dutt countered it with an elbow strike. His troll game was strong that night.
- Corvis went to the book again, but Dutt hit him, then wiped his butt with said book.
- "Coming down the aisle, as slowly as he can, Juan Francisco de Coronado!"
- Shynron hit a first-rope 450 splash early in the match. A first-rope 450. I can't even comprehend the dexterity needed to pull that off.
- One of Coronado's boots came untied during the match, and the crowd actually gave him heel heat for it. Then, Shynron tried to tie it back up, and Coronado sold it as if it were a leglock. Wrestling!
- The crowd broke into a "We the People!" chant while Coronado was on offense. No. No. NO!
- The two didn't really use the no disqualification stipulation too much but where it was used was pretty effective. The best example was Coronado sitting on the top rope and hanging Shynron down in a heel hook. Shynron broke it by grabbing the bottom rope on Jon Barber's three-count and ranaing Coronado off the top.
- The 630 senton off the top rope is impressive. Off the second rope? WHAT KIND OF DEVIL MAGIC HAVE YOU, SHYNRON?
- Sure, Heidi Lovelace is tiny, but I remarked on how tall Joe Pittman looked before she even came out. Dude is statuesque.
- Lovelace took an ass-whipping during this match. It wasn't quite the repeat of last year's face-in-periling, but man, she was taking some hellacious bumps.
- Lovelace finally got the Chikara special locked in, and right on cue, all the baddies who had shut down various Wrestling Is promotions in the past came shuttling in along with three guys in medieval plague masks and a whole mess of Dr. Cube minions in Cobra Commander hoods. They were picking the bones of Lovelace and Pittman and crushed La Copa Idolo.
- Then, bursting through the entrance were Gary the Barn Owl, "Brainwave" Davey Vega, "The Elegant Assassin" Pierre Abernathy, and "Pistol Danger" Evan Gelistico. The fargling Submission Squad came to save the day. Gelistico got on the mic and proclaimed "If you want to destroy what's left of Chikara, you're gonna have to get through us first."
- One of guys in plague masks revealed himself to be Jimmy Jacobs, and he boasted about his army, not noticing that the minions in scrubs and Cobra hoods took those hoods off to reveal the Chikara roster in disguise.
- During the fracas, a cane from behind the entrance curtain gave 17 of the Gekido the literal hook backstage.
- As the tide grew immense and foreboding, a curtain on the other side of the building unfurled, revealing a DELOREAN CONTAINING 3.0 AND ARCHIBALD FREAKING PECK. THEY TIME TRAVELED! THEY TIME TRAVELED! WAIT, DID THEY? WHY AM I CAPS LOCKING?
- The Chikara faithful, rudos and tecnicos alike, beat back the invaders and proclaimed Chikara to be back and open for business. The return date? May 25, 2014.
- After the fracas, a bonus main event was announced, the Batiri (cheered for the first times in their lives) and Los Ice Creams against the Colony, Osirian Portal, and Icarus. I am going to admit, I didn't really take notes during this match. I just soaked the whole thing in because I was just so gosh dang happy to be there.
Match of the Night:Hallowicked vs. Mike Bennett - The match that perhaps had the most deeply-rooted history on the card, even if the build for it was dormant for the last 16 months. Bennett tapped out to Hallowicked's Chikara Special to seal the King of Trios tournament for the Spectral Envoy. This match was his first bout back in the Chikaraverse, and he continued to show the form that made him a breakout star that weekend back in September 2012. Even without the Bucks to buoy him, Bennett, against a good opponent and one of Chikara's best babyfaces in Hallowicked, was all-around on top of his game.
Bennett played the crowd up to perfection, a crowd that was ready to remind him of his last appearance in the company. He got Wicked's offense over with a simple shriek at the threat of a plancha. He played into his infamy for effect by trying to piledrive 'Wicked on the apron. He even looked for a tag that wasn't there for the Bucks while dazed from a barrage of offense. He was also the sharpest I've seen him on exchanges and his moves looked really good.
Hallowicked may have turned one of his finest singles performances of the last couple of years as well. His offense was also on point, and his timing was great, especially on the plancha pump fake that caused Bennett to shriek. His fire was the hottest I've seen in awhile as well. These two bring out the best in each other, and I'm glad they got a chance to rekindle a rivalry that I hope continues into the future.
Overall Thoughts: On the podcast preview this past week, Brandon Stroud and Danielle Matheson both wanted Chikara's arc to "get to the fireworks factory." When the minions in the Cobra Commander masks revealed themselves to be the various members of the roster at the call of the Submission Squad ready to fight for their home, not only did Itchy and Scratchy get to the factory, they set off every single one of the individual rockets and firecrackers and created a brilliant light show in the sky. The journey was slow, and some of the turns were controversial to say the least. But the heartache of Aniversario and the painful waiting of the last eight months created a singular moment of catharsis that very few wrestling companies have ever come close to replicating, personally speaking of course.
Wrestling companies usually don't do resolutions very well. The continuous nature of the art makes great resolutions hard to attain. Wrestlers get hurt, gain more fruitful employment, or burn bridges. Even when rosters stay the same, bookers and writers can sometimes overthink themselves and delay the payoffs for too long, or the payoffs may not be in line with the initial crisis and buildup. What happened at National Pro Wrestling Day was pitch perfect. A catastrophic closure needed something equal in magnitude. Having the entire roster, tecnicos and rudos unite and beat back the congealed threats who endangered their home was the yin to that yang. Then watching the bonus main event drove the point home. Chikara was back, and in a way, it had never really left in the first place.
Even ignoring everything that happened after Heidi Lovelace locked Joe Pittman in the Chikara Special, the show was among the best I've ever seen live from top to bottom. From the beginning of Colt Cabana vs. Drew Gulak up through the bumping display Lovelace put on, the roster celebrated the art they hold so dear. Even though the show was mostly a Chikara production, everyone in attendance, from the fans to the wrestlers to the staff to the vendors, celebrated pro wrestling for the art and spectacle that it truly is. I hope that this remains a tradition every year, and I hope it keeps growing and growing so that maybe, just maybe, the fandom can become as positive and constructive as the art in the ring deserves.
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Impactful Feedback: Most Valuable (over)Promotion
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| THIS is the earth-shaking new authority figure? |
But the one thing that I failed to think about was the BILLIONS of dollars that MVP made while working for the WWE just a couple of years ago. Clearly, I should have assumed that he would be the one with enough money to overpower Dixie Carter and her Panda Energy conglomerate. Yet, there I sat this past Thursday night, hoping for a revelation only to receive another blip on the radar.
I still find myself scratching my head as to what TNA’s line of thinking is while bringing in new talent. The American Wolves seem to be a step in the right direction, but then they take two steps backwards signing older former WWE stars to fill their main event. The exception here, of course, being Magnus, who makes me to dry heave every time I see him on the screen. Instead of paying for guys like Styles to control their main event until they effectively build guys like the Wolves or even the Bro Mans, they continue to pour money into the past rather than the future.
I could continue to go on, but I feel like this abbreviated version pretty much coincides with nearly every other one of my past posts. I feel like I keep repeating myself every time I talk about TNA, but I keep hope that maybe someday it will change. Until then, maybe I can find a different angle to attack this thing to keep everything as positive as possible on my end.
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Daniel Bryan's Favorite Team Wins Super Bowl, Shouts Him Out
The Seattle Seahawks boatraced the Denver Broncos last night in Super Bowl XLVIII, 43-8. The Seahawks not only have the loudest stadium in the NFL, but they have a supremely visible cheerleader within wrestling, the Uncrowned WWE World Heavyweight Champion and MAN OF THE PEOPLE, Daniel Bryan. Upon victory, the REAL Best in the World celebrated on Twitter as he is wont to do, and the official team account replied with this gem:
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Even the NFL Champions recognize how awesome Bryan is. Expect to see this graphic at least fifty times on WWE television during the week, at least, though.
Even the NFL Champions recognize how awesome Bryan is. Expect to see this graphic at least fifty times on WWE television during the week, at least, though.
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