The Wrestling Blog

Even if you hate Ross, Hansen is a reason to tune into his podcast this week
Photo Credit: Pro Wrestling Illustrated via WWE.com

If you're new, here's the rundown: I listen to a handful of wrestling podcasts each week. Too many, probably, though certainly not all of them. In the interest of saving you time — in case you have the restraint to skip certain episodes — the plan is to give the bare bones of a given show and let you decide if it’s worth investing the time to hear the whole thing. There are better wrestling podcasts out there, of course, but these are the ones in my regular rotation that I feel best fit the category of hit or miss. If I can save other folks some time, I'm happy to do so.

Show: The Ross Report
Episode: 29
Run Time: 1:59:53
Guest: Stan Hansen

Summary: The interview starts at 35:30 following Ross’ thoughts on RAW (a week late) and the WWE in general. He also touches briefly on TNA, ROH and Lucha Underground. When he finally gets around to chatting with Hansen, they talk first about his amateur football background before getting into his earliest days in pro wrestling. Naturally, there is substantial discussion about Hansen’s work in Japan, where he estimates he’s traveled more than 200 times. They cover his Toyko Dome clashes with Hulk Hogan and Vader, a dalliance with WCW and Hansen’s definition of strong style.

Quote of the week:“I had a lot of great opponents. I mean, I had some great partners, but let me tell you, you’re nothing without an opponent, and I had some great opponents that were hungry and they fought and they weren’t scared to be business about everything. But they fought.”

Why you should listen: Because it’s Stan freakin’ Hansen. Seriously, "The Lariat" is wrestling royalty, and his legacy actually is enhanced by the success he earned outside the NWA and WWF. For a guy who’s been beaten up around the world with such regularity, Hansen is a lucid speaker with great memories of other famous folks, notably his tag team partner Bruiser Brody, and a few names that might otherwise be lost to history.

Why you should skip it: Ross manages to bring up stories he’s told several times over. There are times, as with nearly every JR show, where the focus shifts away from the interesting tales his guest might have to tell and toward the side of two old guys complaining about how things used to be. As usual, Ross rarely probes his subjects to go into depth on any given topic, so there’s surely a better source out there for those who really want to learn about Hansen’s life and career.

Final thoughts: This podcast alone won’t make you a fan of Stan Hansen. You need to come into it with an understanding of his career and ring style. The more names you recognize the more you’ll appreciate his recollections, and if you’re not familiar with most of them then his interview serves as a nice list of veterans, foreign and domestic, worth your time and attention. That said, don’t expect any Earth-shattering revelations or jaw-dropping moments. This is just a legendary worker recounting his career, guided by an old acquaintance. It’s interesting but not essential. Next week’s guest is Vince Russo, and it remains to be seen if JR can get anything out of Russo he didn’t already share in a two-parter with Steve Austin.

The younger Daivari is Cabana's guest this week
Screen Grab via Heavy on Wrestling's YouTube

If you're new, here's the rundown: I listen to a handful of wrestling podcasts each week. Too many, probably, though certainly not all of them. In the interest of saving you time — in case you have the restraint to skip certain episodes — the plan is to give the bare bones of a given show and let you decide if it’s worth investing the time to hear the whole thing. There are better wrestling podcasts out there, of course, but these are the ones in my regular rotation that I feel best fit the category of hit or miss. If I can save other folks some time, I'm happy to do so.

Show: Art of Wrestling
Episode: 214
Run Time: 1:03:32
Guest: Ariya Daivari

Summary: Cabana’s monologue is a look back at his month in Scotland plus a bit of discussion about the upcoming shows he’s promoting. His interview with Daivari, 25, focuses on the young performer growing up a wrestling fan while his older brother starred in the WWE, his introduction to the business, approach to his career and long-term goals.

Quote of the week:“I was fortunate enough that I had the Daivari last name, and all the promoters around the Midwest, they used Shawn… he opened the door for me, I’d like to think my work is what got me to come back over and over. … He opened so many doors for me, it’d be so stupid for me to be like, ‘Nope, did it all myself. It was all me.’ The Daivari last name helped a lot, and I’m forever grateful about that.”

Why you should listen: If you’ve been waiting for Cabana’s show to return to the format that made him famous, this is the episode for you. Daivari has wrestled in several different independent promotions, has his eyes on being the kind of performer whose work looks good on TV and is candid about his assets and shortcomings as well as his feelings about locker room attitudes and politics.

Why you should skip it: If you’ve never heard of the less famous Daivari and don’t care to, well, take a pass. Either he doesn’t have any heavy stories to tell or Cabana isn’t willing to push the interview in that direction (it’s probably the former). Either way it’s fair to say you can tell when he's is sitting down with someone he’s close with personally. It’s not a huge turnoff, but neither is this one of the greatest Art of Wrestling sessions.

Final thoughts: Now’s your chance to get in close to the ground floor on Ariya Daivari. Especially if you are inclined to find video of his work thus far, the interview will deepen your understanding, if not your appreciation, of what makes him tick. Mostly it’s refreshing to have Cabana get back to the one-on-one work that made his show an underground success story. But there’s no urgency, either, so feel free to save this one for when you have the time to listen.

Why should people, whether buyers or sellers, be scrutinized for ticket sale practices before cards are announced?
Photo Credit: TH

A wrestling company is out there that employs the INSIDIOUS practice of putting tickets on sale for events without announcing a single match for the show. Sometimes, these tickets go on sale before plans for said event even formulate. Front row seats are priced exorbitantly, and the quality of said shows is erratic at best. In fact, the biggest show of the year often requires a great financial responsibility before the main event even gets into the takeoff stage of being built, and that show has as much a chance as being a total flop as it does being an all-time event based on its history. Which company am I talking about?

If you answered any company other than "WWE," you'd be wrong. Yet, a ruckus among the wrestling blogsophere, specifically at Voices of Wrestling, would have you believe that every other company out there with the exception of Pro Wrestling Guerrilla (which was mentioned specifically) and WWE (which hasn't been mentioned at all) is engaging in some highway robbery by putting tickets on sale for shows before announcing a single match, or in some cases, a competitor. The practice, which companies like Chikara, Dragon Gate USA/EVOLVE, and even Ultimate Fighting Championship, which I stress isn't a wrestling company at all, have engaged in has been called sleazy. I'm not one to say that wrestling isn't an inherently scummy business. Many practices, rumored or confirmed, are sleazy, even in a company like Chikara. But putting tickets on sale in advance is the least of those practices.

Of course, one should ask why a promoter would be emboldened to put tickets on sale, sight unseen, and the answer, simply put, is that he/she has built rapport with that company's fans. They can put tickets on sale without announcing anything but a date, time, and venue because the reputation is so good. That practice begins with the market leader.

WWE is notorious for booking from month-to-month, but that practice doesn't stop the company from beginning the planning process for some events - namely WrestleMania - more than a year in advance in some cases. The process begins with strategic leaking of future Mania sites, is confirmed by the announcement of the next year's venue even before the current year's show's Access event starts. While WWE usually can boast a stable roster and predictable guest stars, the matches that are rumored oftentimes don't end up happening. Even with the relatively small turnover in the roster, who could have predicted CM Punk walking out the night after the Royal Rumble, or Alberto del Rio slapping the shit out of a social media dude earlier this year? Shit happens, but even without certain cogs, most people still end up not regretting their decisions.

Chikara, Gabe-World, and other promotions like SHIMMER can boast the same kind of rapport with their fans, and so they put tickets on sale without any confirmed talent or matches. These companies wouldn't need that goodwill anyway in a vacuum. Fans will buy tickets for shows whenever they feel like buying them, and putting tickets on sale for shows doesn't dictate when someone has to buy those tickets, unless the show sells out before anything's announced. In which case, why should the promotion be considered "sleazy" for tapping into a frothy demand for the name on the marquee?

Point blank, if a promotion can put tickets on sale whenever it wants to, and if people want to wait until matches start getting announced to buy tickets, then they're going to do that regardless of when the on-sale date actually is. If tackling sleazy pro wrestling tactics is the aim, then why go after companies tapping into demand? What about accusations that Chikara keeps its talent under its thumb with depressed paydays? Or how about the fact that the only wrestling promotions that book a plenitude of women on a regular basis are actual women's promotions? Or even going further, how about ripping Ring of Honor for its outwardly hostile attitude towards women? Treating early on-sale dates like they're the biggest issue in wrestling is deflecting from the real monetary and social issues that plague every promotion. It's not even making a mountain out of a molehill; it's trying to terraform a plain into the Rocky Mountains.

Basically, the latest outcry is much ado about nothing, tilting at a windmill while the black knights of social inequality, lack of safety, and misogyny continue to roam free. Wrestling is a sleazy business, but acting like promoters selling a show on the name of the company rather than wrestlers is worth this kind of vitriol is posturing, and nothing more.

These guys will be there to try and claim a legitimate KOT crown
Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein

Via CHIKARAPro.com

The final four teams for King of Trios have been announced. Two of them rep The Flood, and the final team is another super guest team that actually made more than a few waves for reasons of mixed providence. I'm not a huge fan of the final team getting into the tournament, but honestly, 15 out of 16 trios hitting the mark ain't bad at all.

First up on the docket is the nefarious union under the Polar Baron, also known as the Bloc Party. The Proletariat Boar of Moldova leads a team that includes Mr. Azerbaijan and the greenhorn Prakash Sabar. Funny is the inclusion of the Bloc boys since they've outlasted the team they originally arrived into the Chikaraverse to fight, the Baltic Siege. Thanks to the chokebreaker of Deucalion and the evil grip of Jimmy Jacobs, the Siege is down to only the Lithuanian Snow Troll. Anyway, the team is in brave new territory, not exactly fighting against The Flood, but with their main foes virtually eradicated. I'll be interested to see where they go.

Speaking of Jacobs, the Flood's consigliere will lead his own team into the fray. He will be flanked by Eddie Kingston and Volgar. Jacobs promised Kingston his Grand Championship back, and the War King seemingly has bought the pitch hook, line, and sinker. Volgar is the unfamiliar name to a lot of people who haven't kept up with results as closely as necessary. He started his career as one of the plague doctors who flanked Jacobs upon his entry into arenas starting at National Pro Wrestling Day. Of course, he was one of two, but Kingston thrashed the other one and essentially took his place. Kingston's presence on this team makes this the Flood squadron that is most likely to take home the title. If I were a prognosticating man, I would place them in the final four at the very least.

The second Flood team to be announced in the last interim was more conventional and predictable. Colony: X-Treme Force has finally been named to the tournament. As many may remember, the trio that includes Missile Assault Ant (Missile! Assault! Ant!), Orbit Adventure Ant, and Arctic Rescue Ant was retroactively named the 2011 King of Trios Champions by Wink Vavasseur, but the team that REALLY won the title, the Colony (Original Recipe) at least took their medals back. Either way, this trio is another dangerous threat to go far. These impostor ants seem to be a lock to win their first round match at least.

The final announced trio for this year's event seemed to be the trump card, and going by star power, it could totally pass as one. Homicide, Hernandez, and Chavo Guerrero will be entering the fray as LAX. Homicide is not a stranger to Chikara, as he faced off against Kingston at The Germans in November 2010. Hernandez and Guerrero are making their debuts for the promotion. Now, I was a fan of the Kingston/Homicide match, and in another situation, I might have welcomed him aboard. Hernandez isn't as offensive either, but Guerrero feels like he's a sub-Jannetty guest star to nab (Marty Jannetty being replacement level for a Chikara wrestler, I guess). He wasn't really good in his last gasp as a WWE wrestler, hasn't showed anything approaching competence in the ring since then.

Maybe I'm just projecting anger onto LAX for not being the Submission Squad or the Sendai Girls or even a more "fun" team with someone who is NOT Chavo Guerrero, much in the same way Rey Mysterio got absolutely defecated upon for not being Daniel Bryan at the Royal Rumble. And honestly, as a Chikara fan, the other 15 teams scratch my various itches that I've had for King of Trios this year. But man, Chavo Guerrero as the money reveal for the slate this year? Pass.

Chikara has promised more announcements about night two and three extracurricular activities. More guest stars could be in the cards, as well as some other Chikara wrestlers not involved in the tournament itself getting matches. The announcements don't seem to be done just yet.

These two need to be chummier.
Photo Credit: WWE.com

From the moment I heard that John Cena was going to start off the show with some John Cena-ing, I fully expected that this episode was going to be no improvement on the last couple. I'm happy to report that my dire expectations were not wholly justified and, though Cena was as tiresome as usual, there were enough fun bits to make up for him.

Should Be Friends—Kane and Seth Rollins
Kane and Rollins came out to interrupt Cena's speechifying and I took a certain shine to the two corporate toadies together, all besuited and snarky as they were. Of course, Cena immediately shut them down and dismissed them, which was pretty shitty. I mean, I understand that there's very little reason to take Kane seriously anymore (he can't even properly pick on the Miz—Kane keeps putting Miz in matches, but he's never yet prevented the latter from simply substituting his stunt-double), and Seth Rollins is a contemptible weasel, but come on. Now I just want more of Kane and Rollins palling around together, making cunning plans and cutting remarks and being ultimately ineffectual.

An aside about Cena, because I've got to get this out. Is anyone else really weirded out by his statement that he's not just going to beat Brock Lesnar, he's going to beat Brock Lesnar's ass? What is that even supposed to mean? Why the specific emphasis on Lesnar's ass? Is that his power source? Also, is it just me or is there also a sexual connotation there? Personally, I can't think of anything less appealing than Cena and Lesnar in flagrante delicto.

You know how they both get during matches--all red-faced and shouty and making off-putting faces? That is exactly how I imagine they both get during sex and I DON'T WANT TO THINK ABOUT THAT, but Cena keeps making reference to Lesnar's ass and I am forced to think about it and I just cry quietly to myself until the mental images go away.

Should Be More Than Friends—Sheamus and Cesaro
I've noticed all of the Sheamus/Cesaro interactions that have taken place on RAW during the past couple of weeks, and I took their lack of interactions on Smackdown as a personal affront, positive that the powers that be were trying to silence me by refusing to provide me with fodder. However, Sheamus popped up on Smackdown as a guest commenter during Cesaro's match against Dolph Ziggler and, lo and behold, the results were a renewed revelation of romance.

Sheamus admitted that being in the ring with Cesaro is the closest he can get to being in the ring with himself. Well, well, well, looks like someone's been reading his Victorian novels. “He's more myself than I am. Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same” (Emily Bronte, Wuthering Heights). In Wuthering Heights Heathcliff and Cathy were both violent personalities who couldn't articulate how they felt about each other until it was too late and in the meantime destroyed the lives of everyone around them, much like how Sheamus and Cesaro continue to take out their romantic frustrations on everyone they come across. I'm onto your literary allusions, guys. Nothing gets past me! And during the match, Cesaro kept looking over at Sheamus, clearly showing off. If you're one of those people who watches wrestling shows just for the wrestling, the match was excellent, too. There was something for everyone.

Most Devoted Friend—Jey Uso
Jey Uso was using a crutch to get around, but he still attempted to take on Titus O'Neil following the latter's attempted referee distraction during Heath Slater's match against Jimmy Uso. It's a very devoted brother who still looks out for his twin even the midst of injury. Special acknowledgement to Slater for selling Jimmy Uso's superkick like absolute death. He bent backwards at the waist so sharply that I half expected his torso to fall clean off his body.

Most Unexpected Friend—Brie Bella, to Nikki Bella
During her match against Paige, Brie Bella unexpectedly pulled AJ Lee off of Nikki Bella when the former attacked the latter as they both sat at ringside. Brie Bella ended up losing her match (which shockingly got a decent amount of time, by Diva standards), but I really liked having her rescue her sister. Brie has kind of looked like a chump lately, as her only responses to Nikki's attacks and accusations been to weakly protest and attempt to cry. The lack of aggression coupled with her awful acting hasn't made her a very strong protagonist.

However, on Smackdown she came out swinging against Paige and was able to show that she still cares about Nikki without looking pathetic. This was far preferable to Brie overcoming her spinelessness by evolving into the hero-who-is-actually-kind-of-a-jerk that we usually see in WWE. I'm not a fan of combining Paige and Lee's narrative with the Bellas,' especially since it appears like the former (by far the stronger performers) are going to be taking a backseat, but if we can continue to get a sympathetic, layered hero in Brie Bella then I won't complain too much.

Most Stable Friendship—Jack Swagger and Zeb Colter
Bo Dallas had a brief match against Zack Ryder, and then Swagger came out, once again accompanied by Colter. I kind of predicted Colter turning on the Real American, but I guess that will have to wait. For now, I suppose I'll be content with Dallas and Colter engaging in a propaganda war.

Best Friend—Triple H
The five-on-five tag match he set up was a lot of fun, and for that he was everyone's friend.

I picked this match not just because it's two of the best junior heavyweight tag teams of recent memory going at it in an environment that would welcome their innovation instead of pissing it away by talking about old ex-WWE guys past their prime. I wanted you to notice Prince Devitt. Even here, when he was one-half of Apollo 55 with the fantastically coiffed Ryusuke Taguchi, you couldn't take your eyes off of him. He screamed "FUTURE STAR" at the tops of his lungs. And while there are some times where you notice it and wonder why no one else does, here is a time when everyone saw it and capitalized on it. And if he does as well in Florida as he has done everywhere else, I for one welcome the next star.

The guys talk about the early days of the nWo on the podcast this week
Photo Credit: WWE.com

GO GET IT, MO'NE
Screen Grab via NESN.com

Welcome to a feature I like to call "Best in the World" rankings. They're not traditional power rankings per se, but they're rankings to see who is really the best in the world, a term bandied about like it's bottled water or something else really common. They're rankings decided by me, and don't you dare call them arbitrary lest I smack the taste out of your mouth. Without further ado, here's this week's list:

1. Mo'Ne Davis (Last Week: 2) - Not only did she throw maybe the best opening pitch of all-time at a baseball game, but she was recognized as being so goddamn fly that Yasiel Puig asked for HER autograph. Respect, yo.

2. Torta (Last Week: Not Ranked)OFFICIAL HOLZERMAN HUNGERS SPONSORED ENTRY - I had my first torta Saturday night, and I immediately wanted to go back in time to make myself eat one before that date so I didn't end up missing out on something that goddamn delicious.

3. AJ Lee (Last Week: 5) - Despite Stephanie McMahon having a whole foot on her, Lee did not back down in the staring contest at all. While that matchup was ruled a draw, Lee still is the WWE Staring Contest Champion after defeating Big E back on June 16.

4. Mark Henry (Last Week: 7) - MARK HENRY IS AMERICA.

5. Darren Sproles (Last Week: Not Ranked) - The tiniest football player in the NFL was a huge component to the Eagles come-from-behind victory against the Jacksonville Jaguars Sunday. With a long touchdown run and several punt returns, Sproles appears to be a perfect fit in Chip Kelly's offense, which hopefully will allow me to be insufferable as a football fan long into the cold wastes of January and February.

6. Paige (Last Week: 6) - I hope she screams in the face of the people who annoy her.

7. Tim Donst (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Donst became a TWO-TIME, TWO-TIME Absolute Champion over the weekend. While the concept of deserving a Championship seems a bit trite in a worked sport like wrestling, I always like seeing good dudes like Donst being given the ball with strict orders to run as hard as he can. Dude is one of the best and most unheralded guys out there.

8. Daniel Bryan (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Bryan has another surgery on the horizon, but the endgame will not only be to let him recover from his injuries, but to be the second ever Cyborg-American. The first is Peyton Manning, but he almost doesn't count since he's more Cyborg than person at this point.

9. Kimber Lee (Last Week: Not Ranked) - How often does it happen that a wrestler is named to a huge, big, super-prestigious tournament and he or she is the best competitor in it? Well, it happened to Lee when she was announced for King of Trios. Go get it, girl.

10. Sara del Rey (Last Week: 10) - SARA DEL REY FACT: She pitched a subplot on Total Divas this season where she went on a quest to get INFINITE CHEWING GUM, but E! decided it wouldn't be exciting enough. Clearly, they don't know how obsessive she gets about gum.

Cena may not have been on a path of change, but it's nice to imagine
Photo Credit: WWE.com

Over the last ten years, John Cena has been as regular as the sunrise. He's become as inevitable as death and taxes. As he reminds the viewing public every week on RAW, some of the fanbase is sick of him, and others still love him. You know, the kids who did their homework early so their dads could take them to RAW, and the dads whose kids have someone to believe in, and the soldiers whom Cena goes to visit, whom Cena regards as his own heroes. But even his haters seem to have settled into a comfortable groove. I don't want to accuse all wrestling fans of being easily and happily complacent, but WWE seems happy to keep grooving the same rut for as long as it gets the same return on investment, whether monetary or in the decibel department.

The cause of his staid nature could very well have been Vince McMahon going into cruise control creatively. However, the transition process for Triple H and Stephanie McMahon taking over the show has already begun. The process won't happen overnight; Papa McMahon will continue to have some kind of say, if not the final say, as long as he's breathing and of sound mind. But his influence is eroding. Maybe that change is as gradual as the creep of a glacier, but it's happening. Coincidentally, the cracks in Cena's facade have also been showing themselves.

Programming him against Bray Wyatt earlier in the year and Paul Heyman now, using the WWE standard operating procedure of the last ten years, has to be some kind of random coincidence. The two most silver tongues in the company both appealed to Cena's lizard-brained tendencies to embrace his inner demon, or embrace the hate so to speak. Lining up Cena's opponents even going as far back as Kane in early 2012 can lead to some kind of false sense of longterm planning. But what if a change was coming, gradually, but surely?

Cena did show some dickheaded behaviors in his big retort to Heyman's usual easy mode promotion on Brock Lesnar. Most of his delivery was impassioned, one of the best, most sympathetic and heroic speeches he's ever given. But he gave some tells that for a company that doesn't book everyone to be a colossal shitheel like WWE would have been red flags. At the beginning, Cena belittled the Undertaker, and at the end, he physically threatened a man whom he knew couldn't put up a fight against him, recorded official win against CM Punk be damned.

Everyone who watches knows that WWE doesn't have the track record to deserve the credit for creating a nuanced story. Cena shaded the Undertaker after losing to Lesnar because he's always been petty, and he threatened to beat Heyman up because WWE good guys aren't good at all. I mean, Dolph Ziggler hacked into Miz's phone and played up the pictures he stole in a way that made himself look like a goddamn homophobe, and the story was meant to play him up like the hero. WWE is a hole filled with garbage, and the people bathe in the refuse more happily than Oscar the Grouch.

But what if this year has been a long con? What if Cena's apparent dominance of Wyatt has been a smokescreen, that Wyatt really has affected him but he was just too good at hiding the scars? What if Cena really is about to tape into his dark side, especially after another failure at the hands of Lesnar at Night of Champions? What if the endgame was Cena forming an unholy alliance with the Eater of Worlds, causing his transformation to become complete? It would provide a sea change in WWE (especially if Roman Reigns continues to take off, Dean Ambrose gets properly followed upon, and Daniel Bryan comes back healthy eventually) and it would pay off on Wyatt's character in the most meaningful way possible.

I doubt the scenario will play out that way, however. Cena going to the devil is too drastic a move right now, especially for the snail's pace his hypothetical narrative has moved. But with the way RAW has played out recently, maybe the best way to watch is with an imagination.

Austin answered reader e-mails this episode
Photo Credit: WWE.com

If you're new, here's the rundown: I listen to a handful of wrestling podcasts each week. Too many, probably, though certainly not all of them. In the interest of saving you time — in case you have the restraint to skip certain episodes — the plan is to give the bare bones of a given show and let you decide if it’s worth investing the time to hear the whole thing. There are better wrestling podcasts out there, of course, but these are the ones in my regular rotation that I feel best fit the category of hit or miss. If I can save other folks some time, I'm happy to do so.

Show: Steve Austin Show Unleashed
Episode: 148
Run Time: 1:33:52
Guest: None

Summary: Austin opens with a tale about building his wardrobe for upcoming TV work before getting to the meat — answering reader emails. Topics include his workout and diet regimen, the Attitude Era and current WWE, rules of the Broken Skull Challenge, how to tell the age of deer and worries about the wrestling mat helping to transfer communicable diseases.

Quote of the week:“It was a very deliberate, accurate blow. And if I hadn’t a knocked the dog shit out of him, y’all would have been able to see right through that angle, we would’ve killed all the momentum that we had, it wouldn’t have been as effective, it wouldn’t have made the same sound effect, it wouldn’t have pinged, it would’ve been a dud. And all that hard work that we had put together — Vince on his behalf, me on my behalf, the company from a writing standpoint and a production standpoint, putting the time and money into this angle — had we done one thing that was the drizzling shits, y’all would’ve been able to see right through it. So I knocked the shit out of Vince so we could keep you guys entertained and keep making money. And had I hit Vince with that thing like a sissy, he woulda cussed me out from daylight ‘til dusk, because Vince is a perfectionist, I’m a perfectionist and we had to lay that shit in. Any time myself and Vince ever did anything, it was never to hurt each other, it was never to rib each other, it was always to be the utmost professional that you could be and try to make it as believable as possible.”

Why you should listen: For an email show, this one’s not too bad — when he’s talking about wrestling. I don’t know as if I’ve heard him talk specifically about the skit where he brains Vince McMahon with the bedpan or the bungled entrance of his 1997 Survivor Series match. He explains why he abandoned the Stun Gun move once used in WCW and gives a frank assessment of the most recent RAW episode. The cherry on top, however, is when Austin comes out as a BOliever.

Why you should skip it: Unfortunately, there’s little of value when the topic drifts away from the squared circle. Unless you’re a devoted fan of Stone Cold’s reality show, a fellow workout fiend looking at add muscle mass or a dedicated deer hunter, this show definitely has its low points. As there’s no rhyme or reason to the order of the questions, you kind of have to sift through the chaff to find the wheat.

Final thoughts: I expected to dislike the entire 90 minutes, but darn it if the Stone Cold charm didn’t suck me in. You won’t miss anything by skipping this show, but if the idea of Austin saying whatever comes to his mind without any semblance of a filter is your idea of a good time, this won’t disappoint. If anything, it’s much more enjoyable than Tuesday’s show, and if he has the women’s winner on next Tuesday, this episode will be better than that one, too.

Mirror color schemes on oddly similar tracks
Photo Credit: WWE.com

In every long-term endeavor, there are aspects of it that come to fruition the way the creator intended, and there are, let's be charitable and call them the other aspects. This is a subtle reminder that should be carried forward in all ways of life, but especially those that find their home in the arts. Completely coincidentally, the first September Main Event WWE put on started off with Dolph Ziggler and Damien Sandow before ending with Not Cody and Not Dustin Rhodes and had a middle that was a Total Divas infomercial with a wrestling match coating.

So let's be kinder before we get rougher, hehn? Let's note right away after months of taking on water and sinking towards irrelevancy in the cases of both former MITB holders, Ziggler is now finding new life as the Intercontinental Champion and Sandow as the erstwhile Zoe Bell to Miz's Uma Thurman. The program kicked off with a match, but not before Sandow hosted an episode of MizTV. (Joined already in progress, though. Ouch. A sign of Sandow's base on the win-loss totem pole since he blew his chance at John Cena or a masterstroke tying into the faux-Mizaninanity? Who can even say anymore?) Having been set up by a Sandow stunt double stunt (sorry) that led to Miz beating Ziggler the night before on Raw and adding some extra sizzle to Miz's upcoming rematch, Ziggler first sought out retribution first with repartee and then with action. Sandow looked decent with the offense he managed to get, sure, but the outcome was never in doubt whether or not Damien could replicate moves from his boss' playbook. Ziggler dodged the figure four a couple of times and the second counter lead directly to a Zig Zag faster than you can say show over.

Unfortunately for those who aren't fans, Total Divas is set to begin, leading to an absolute fustercluck tag match where you couldn't tell the faces from the heels and not all the divas involved were on the show that's coming to an exclamation point of a network near you and far, far away from the BCB. Summer Rae teamed with Layla. This is fine; this is the narrative on WWE TV since the Fandango implosion. However, from what commercials have been gleaned from entire seconds of seeing before flipping, Summer comes off as a total Too $hort's favorite word and Layla's not on the show. They went up against Rosa Mendes and Natalya. Pretty sure Rosa was last seen as a heel on WWE TV, but on TD she's the wild card Nattie gets more or less assigned to babysit by the higher-ups with the always Lumburghian "You're the best we have, you're the only one that can do this for us, enjoy this job that sounds like something hitting the fan" with Nattie slightly grumbling -- keep in mind, she's Canadian, so not getting full vitriolic or anything -- that if she wanted to babysit somebody she'd still be with Summer. Anyhow, Rosa was in the ring, and wasn't horrible even though she was a step slow at times and there was a wardrobe malfunction that might not be a malfunction.

This is another Reality Era thing where the glitches in the Matrix seem to be getting retconned into features. Of course, Nattie was so good at what she did no matter her reservations about doing it she got Rosa chants started before the match was even five minutes old and Rosa was drawing Antarctic heat pre-match and would've died a slow death with a lesser partner. As it was, their team died a wholly predictable flash death when Rosa blind tagged in and then spent time reassuring Natalya in the ring that absolutely everything was fine and nothing was wrong. She might as well as been holding up some punk hit-and-run kid for a guy dressed up like the Gorton's mascot with a hook for a weapon as Layla (you know, the babyface) flash kicked Rosa down and shoved Nattie out of the ring to get her side the victory. So...hooray? Good for the heelish goods? Aw phooey for the the happy heels? Or since it was more promotion than match execution is looking for pesky things like logical long-term storytelling best left for morons and fools?

And a more serious question: if the Dust Brothers are heels, why isn't the crowd booing them? Furthermore, considering the fact we've seen both Cody and Dustin be capable heels before, why aren't they doing more with their work during matches to make the crowd boo them? One taunt that can't be heard by the majority of the watching in-arena audience doesn't count. They even ran a short video prematch where they showed the biggest jerk move they've pulled off since jumping to the black hats where Cody chaired Jey's injured leg into the post, and then Cody sort of shrugged and gave his best Babbo smile and the crowd went

"Oh, right. They so crazy. YAY FAMILIAR PEOPLE!" Maybe they should be against someone on these Tuesday nights who aren't the Matadores, as it took two segments for some reason to pull off what could've been accomplished with a four-minute win followed by a post-match beatdown and reverse decision. You know, just as an idea of a way to get booed or even vaguely unsettled. The Matadores came out Very Serious actually showing continued storytelling from the previous week's match and dominated early and lasted longer. It was only marred by the crowd chanting for Goldust on several occasions and the Rhodesia not getting booed once -- pre-match, during, post where Goldust laid one or the other one of them out with one shot sending them to the floor. Goose egg zip nada sad trombone do not pass go do not collect $200 do not get over without the midget, etc.

At some point, something's going to have to happen to get heat behind the other asp--the Rhodes brothers. But it should be noted, especially with the examples provided beforehand by the other matches in the show, you can garner it and it is acquirable rather easily. All it takes is a little moment and some support, and you too can get a crowd to react to you. And there's no question or series of them about that.

The surprising top two in the power rankings this week
Photo Credit: WWE.com

Yes, I lied. Three months ago, I left in an overdramatic huff (that was completely legitimate at the time) over the season two finale of Total Divas, essentially labeling it as a waste of my time that I could spend writing about video games or bad sushi. Of course, I never wrote those things. Being the person that I am means that when I stop writing regularly, my routine is off. I can't type out 1000 words in the same fashion. It is a slog to get me to finish anything if I don't force myself into that routine again. Total Divas, bless its inept little heart, is about routine. The end of this episode would not be out of place as the end of literally every episode of the series prior.

So this will require a little freshening up to the format. I actually already put my handy power rankings on Twitter, and I'll just give a short little explanation of story stuff but more context of why I wrote the tweet.

1. Eva Marie -- Down is up and Eva Marie is an adult who gets that beauty has a timeframe and kids suck. #TotalDivasPowerRankZ
— Trey Irby (@BadLuckFalTrey) September 8, 2014

How did this happen? How did Eva Marie become the one person I relate to in a land of miserable people who need work, children, or any sort of support to stay above water? How did Eva Marie feel like the one person on the show that legitimately didn't care how she was perceived and was actually admirable for that exact quality? There is nothing inherently noble in using a "Save the Date" to pose in underwear and Misfits shirts. And maybe that's it. I can't entirely throw down a well anybody with such a little care of where she goes other than the way she wants. There was a scene where after complaining about her weight, husband Jonathan quips about her being on the Maxim Hot 100. Eva Marie's response is "whatever." Down is the new up and Eva Marie for one week is the weird anomaly.

2. Eva Marie's Mom -- as @spacecrook said, her moment was a level of Wiseauian insanity we might never see again. #TotalDivasPowerRankZ
— Trey Irby (@BadLuckFalTrey) September 8, 2014

SpaceCrook is the former account of Kayfabe Comedy, a site which sadly has been washed away by the tides of not paying for hosting. Anyway, the above hashtag was the one he used to do his power ranking grades because we are all the same and need numbers to sustain us. More importantly, Eva Marie's mom basically did a re-enactment of the scene below upon noting casually out of nowhere that Eva's dad was suffering from colon cancer. I wouldn't make light of this if it didn't sound nearly exactly like the following:

3. Summer Rae -- The smartest of the bunch: got the fuck out of there. #TotalDivasPowerRankZ
— Trey Irby (@BadLuckFalTrey) September 8, 2014

Summer at this point in the show's timeline is filming Marine 4 with The Miz. It is easily the smartest decision both her and the show could make, as Summer's act never feels malicious enough for the general distaste that everyone else shows for her. It was a lot of the main reasons why season 2 felt like such a slog to get through despite its ridiculousness. But don't worry, she'll get hers (read: get beaten down despite the fact that the other person is the annoying one) this season!

4. Naomi -- she was really great with her sexual tension with Santiago. Wait, wrong show. #TotalDivasPowerRankZ
— Trey Irby (@BadLuckFalTrey) September 8, 2014

This is a Brooklyn Nine-Nine reference, a show I just realized will probably be competing in the same timeslot against Total Divas and now I start crying and pretending that Eva Marie is Rosa Diaz.

5. Rosa Mendes -- Officially Joe Lo Truglio circa-Wanderlust. #TotalDivasPowerRankZ
— Trey Irby (@BadLuckFalTrey) September 8, 2014

Nattie walked into a room and Rosa was just naked because E!

6. Natalya -- Officially Jennifer Aniston circa any movie that wasn't Wanderlust. #TotalDivasPowerRankZ
— Trey Irby (@BadLuckFalTrey) September 8, 2014

Basically this:

7. Brie Bella -- "But Nikki, you need some damn kids!""Yup I guess I need some kids babies are great I like a baby."#TotalDivasPowerRankZ
— Trey Irby (@BadLuckFalTrey) September 8, 2014

8. Nikki Bella -- "like come on do you know how babies feel they're so baby like oh my god"#TotalDivasPowerRankZ
— Trey Irby (@BadLuckFalTrey) September 8, 2014

A show-long storyline about Nikki freezing her eggs ("aygs, CC: Brandon Stroud also hi!) to have children in the future. Sigh. How cheap is a vasectomy?

9. Titus O'Neil -- hi i will do your will smith phrases now. AWW HELL NAW #TotalDivasPowerRankZ
— Trey Irby (@BadLuckFalTrey) September 8, 2014

Seriously, Titus O'Neil was there to say "AWW HELL NAW" to Eva Marie "Save the Date" photos. Still better than Cameron.

10. Dean Winters/Dean Ambrose -- Just fucking because. #TotalDivasPowerRankZ
— Trey Irby (@BadLuckFalTrey) September 8, 2014

Pictured below: the best two scenes of Total Divas this week:

What a weird week for the former ROH Champion
Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein

Michael Elgin has had one hell of a weekend. Saturday night, at the Ring of Honor show in Toronto, he unexpectedly lost his World Championship in the first Internet pay-per-view broadcast since he won the belt at Best in the World to Jay Briscoe. As he was leaving the show, he apparently was confronted with an expiring visa issue that prevented him from hopping across Lake Erie to Cleveland for the third and final show in Absolute Intense Wrestling's WrestleRager. Elgin is the company's Absolute Champion, or at least he was the Champ until AIW officials caught wind of his situation and immediately stripped him of the title. Tim Donst defeated Josh Alexander for the vacant strap to become Absolute Champ for the second time in his career.

The loss of visa will prohibit him from working in The States for 90 days, which means no ROH, no Beyond Wrestling, no AIW, and basically nothing but local Canadian promotions. Many people put two and two together and assumed Elgin lost the title because of his visa issue. However, on the September 7 episode of Live Audio Wrestling, Dave Meltzer came on the show and reported that ROH officials didn't know he was getting slapped with a visa expiration until after the decision was made to take the belt off him, which was actually a last minute decision thanks to a bevy of things.

First off, Elgin did an interview with Brian Fritz of Between the Ropes where he reiterated desires to get into Major League Baseball, desires he tweeted out to two franchises' official handles.

The seeming lack of commitment was one issue, but another one seemed to be something that I think is more out of his purview. Apparently, Elgin hasn't "protected" his status as ROH Champion all that well, specifically in Pro Wrestling Guerrilla. He lost against Trevor Lee in a quarterfinal match of the Battle of Los Angeles tournament. As a contrast, AJ Styles, the reigning and defending IWGP World Champion, made his exit from the tournament via disqualification. ROH is a national company, one that arguably has equal to or greater visibility in the US than New Japan Pro Wrestling, but at the same time, in a post-kayfabe era, would the protection of a Championship matter as much as it would have in the pre-expansion days? Furthermore, why would it be on Elgin to book his own matches? As far as I can tell, this issue is one between Hunter "Delirious" Johnston and his staff at ROH and Super Dragon and his inner circle in PWG. Jado and Gedo were able to get the message across from their HQ in Japan.

Then again, Meltzer also relayed that the decision didn't come from Johnston, but from the people at Sinclair Broadcasting. While Meltzer said that Sinclair wasn't regularly making decisions for the company, the group was also looking at creating more original content. ROH, as the first real "original" programming that Sinclair has, should probably be kept strong. Whether it was Elgin's fault or ROH's (spoiler alert, the fault lies solely with ROH), the damage has been done.

Anyway, the fallout from the decision is uncertain. ROH doesn't have any longterm plans for the title. Briscoe seemed to be a "right place at the right time" candidate to win the title, but unless he shows up at a rally for Darren Wilson, he'll at least drop the title in the ring this time. As for Elgin, his future with the company is just as up-in-the-air. Meltzer said that Elgin wasn't finished with the company, but his standing with management isn't good.

Between the visa issues and the direct and fawning overtures towards baseball, Elgin's self-destruction over the last month has been as surreal as it's been precipitous. I have no idea what is in his mind, but I hope everything's alright. Personally, I'm not a fan of the guy as a performer, but no one should bottom out like he has. Of course, his personal well-being is paramount, but his immolation has also left a dent on the American indie scene. No fewer than five promotions will be impacted by his absence. Basically, he's put the entire indie scene on upheaval right now, and it would be hilarious if it wasn't almost tragic in a way.

Bodybuilder, wrestler, SoCal original
Photo via AmericanWrestlingFederation.com

If you're new, here's the rundown: I listen to a handful of wrestling podcasts each week. Too many, probably, though certainly not all of them. In the interest of saving you time — in case you have the restraint to skip certain episodes — the plan is to give the bare bones of a given show and let you decide if it’s worth investing the time to hear the whole thing. There are better wrestling podcasts out there, of course, but these are the ones in my regular rotation that I feel best fit the category of hit or miss. If I can save other folks some time, I'm happy to do so.

Show: Steve Austin Show
Episode: 149
Run Time: 1:32:31
Guest: Ric Drasin

Summary: After Austin’s opening monologue on the peculiarities of air travel (how unique!), he does an in-person interview with Ric Drasin, a legendary California bodybuilder who was the 1965 NWA Rookie of the Year after training for a pro wrestling career with none other than Mae Young. Drasin hosts a popular YouTube show, has worked with some of the greatest names in the business, and knows a whole heck of a lot about steroids.

Quote of the week: Drasin, on acting and wrestling: “When was the last time you ever heard Clint Eastwood scream a line? I watched him last night. It’s just in the face. It’s in the eyes. You don’t have to scream a line to make your point. Just a look sometimes will do. And It’s the same thing in the ring sometimes as far as I’m concerned. You don’t have to go crazy, and you don’t have to scream at the audience and call them dirty names. That’s the worst heat. That’s cheap heat, it’s not necessary.”

Why you should listen: Drasin is unique among Austin’s guests. Not in his old school lineage, but in his California background. Even an hour on his training sessions with Mae Young would be a great show, but it’s a rare treat to get first-person accounting of the Southern California circuit when so many other wrestlers and personalities talk about working the southern territories. There’s also plenty of good discussion about the world of bodybuilding and specifically Drasin’s history with Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Why you should skip it: You’re not interested in the chemical cocktails that power some of the world’s most impressive physiques. You don’t care about wrestlers whose greatest moments are either in black and white or lost to history altogether. You’ve already heard the story about Austin telling Ray Traylor to watch for the clothesline and punching him in the nose instead. You don’t find small talk all that interesting regardless of the people doing the talking.

Final thoughts: If you’re unfamiliar with Drasin, this is a great entry point. He’s an affable subject, and in no way projects the crusty old vet vibe you might expect from someone who’s been wrestling since the mid-60s. As usual, Austin doesn’t do a deep dive on any one aspect of his subject’s background, but it’s easy to tell how much better he is at in-person interviews compared to his recent phone calls with Bill Dundee and Kamala. Hopefully he and Drasin can sit down again to really focus on the latter's in-ring career. When they guys talk about the intricacies of working a match, it’s easy to see how much insight both can provide into what it takes to put on a good show.

Paige is great, but she has some creepers for fans
Photo Credit: WWE.com

It's hump day so here are some links to get you through the rest of the week:

Wrestling Links:

- The Merch Table: Paige Fans Special [Wrestling on Earth]

- The Best and Worst of RAW: What Can I Say, It's the Season Premiere [With Spandex]

- Five candidates worth a closer look for the WON Hall of Fame [Voices of Wrestling]

- The Best and Worst of Impact Wrestling: The Moment of Gunception [With Spandex]

Non-Wrestling Links:

- Jennifer Lawrence and Anita Sarkeesian and Zoe Quinn and Brianna Wu are not to blame [Medium]

- ...And the assault charges will be dropped [ATL Redline]

- Here's why the NFL is full of shit [Deadspin]

- What will it take to get Roger Goodell fired? [Grantland]

- LA still doesn't need the NFL [VICE Sports]

- Monday Morning Jerkface, Week One [The Footbawl Blog]

- Why Your Team Sucks 2014 archive [Deadspin]

- The Great Wheel of Food Mashups [Fast Co. Design]

- How to make creamy polenta, which puts the "gruel" back in "grueling" [Foodspin]

- Eagles Game Day Treats: Boozy Frosties Recipe [Bleeding Green Nation]

- Stop whining about pumpkin beer [The Concourse]

- Yes, Bruce Levenson's racist e-mail was racist [Deadspin]

- Why Stephen Hawking thinks the Higgs boson will kills us all [Gamma Squad]

- Dreadnoughtus, a newly-discovered supermassive dinosaur [io9]

- Seven famous quotes about the future that are actually fake [Paleofuture]

- Enjoy this complete ranking of Adam Sandler movies at a medium pace [Film Drunk]

- Here are Bill Murray's choices for an all-female Ghostbusters film [io9]

- 20 years later, an undeniable power ranking of Mortal Kombat II kharacters [Grantland]

- F*ck off, Gene Simmons: Eight bands that prove rock music isn't dead [UPROXX]

DIVA CLASH kicked off Superstars this week
Photo Credit: WWE.com

Superstars kicked off last week with Emma vs. Alicia Fox. I really liked this match. It was sloppy in spots, but they busted out some cool moves. They also wrestle as their characters, which I really enjoyed. Fox doesn’t stop being a hyper narcissistic maniac when the bell rings. You can see it in all her moves. Same with Emma. She walks down to the ring as a dancing weirdo, and leaves the same way. Her power up dancing is just great. I’m going to start doing it before I’ve got something heavy to lift. It didn’t help Emma win, though. Fox killed her with a scissor kick and pinned her.

How can you not be happy with the state of the Women’s division right now? They actually have storylines, and the wrestling is a ton better than it was when I started watching regularly again back in 2011. Let’s just teach Justin Roberts how to say Diva and toss the butterfly belt and we’ll be in business. Keep improving; we’re moving in the right direction.

Sin Cara vs. Justin Gabriel was the second match of the evening. They mentioned NXT, acknowledging that Sin Cara’s in the tag tournament they have going on right now. They should mention it more. That’s a key selling point for the Network. It’s little stuff with the commentating that would go a long way, like when Gabriel grabbed Sin Cara’s arm and hooked the leg when Gabriel pinned him close to the ropes. Just a little mention of what he was doing would really add that extra salt to spice it up.

This match was just meh. There was some neat stuff, like Sin Cara’s flip onto the apron early in the match, but for a match that was hyped as being between two high fliers, I didn’t get much high flying. I really like the idea of Sin Cara’s C4 from the top rope, but it takes FOREVER to set up. It slows down the match and looks really unnatural. He hit that for the win over Gabriel.

The Recaps of Madison County

I enjoyed the desperation in John Cena’s voice during his segment. I could just be imagining it, but it makes this story more compelling. And god damn, we need something to make John Cena overcomes the odds Chapter 51,874 compelling. I’ve been crazy down on it since Cena came out that one RAW, was totally uninjured from the Brock Lesnar fight, and showed how powerful and great he was by decimating Bray Wyatt.

I hope all this Cena ruthless aggression shit leads up to him being destroyed again at Night of Champions. WWE can’t be stupid enough to put the belt back on him. They can’t be. Though, they did feed the Wyatts to Cena, so the company can be pretty fucking stupid. But can you imagine a contemplative, shaken Cena after failing to beat Lesnar? A story about him dealing with the fact that he’s not king shit of the mountain anymore could be really interesting. Join me in holding your breath for that one, won’t you?

The Bella Twins business is another story. I’m pleased that it’s an attempt at a deep story for the women’s division, but Brie Bella’s got to do something besides not be able to fake cry. I’m sure she has some valid talking points. Stop making scrunch faces in an attempt to get tears to leak out of your eyes and fire back with something, girl! Nikki Bella’s burning you on the microphone and you’re just standing there in a really stupid shirt. Biggest thing? This is all fallout from events that happened over a month ago. THIS IS A HUGE STEP FORWARD. Not every story you tell needs to be built on past events. I’m not looking for Chikara levels of continuity here, but the WWE audience is capable of following a long form narrative.

Or, they can just keep replaying Nikki Bella hitting Jerry Lawler in the face over and over. I’d be cool with that too.

Random Thoughts

I had a complaint here about the commentary not calling the matches, but what’s the point? You know it, gentle reader, and I know it, so let’s just stop screaming at that brick wall.
Is the Highlight Reel really the most controversial show in WWE history? And why does everything have to be the most _____ in history? We’re not stupid. We know when moments are important.
If you’re going to smoke up before you head out to the ring, Chris Jericho, might want to hit your eyes with some Visine.
Commercials during matches on pre-recorded shows are the dumbest thing ever.
Anyone else annoyed that they don’t acknowledge Cena and Nikki Bella’s relationship? I mean, Total Divas is cannon, right

O'Haire, seen here during his first appearance with WWE, was 43
Photo Credit: WWE.com

Late last night, former WCW wrestler Scotty Riggs announced on Twitter that Sean O'Haire passed away. O'Haire, whose real name was Sean Christopher Haire, was aged 43 at the time of his passing. No cause has been announced yet. According to Vaughn Johnson's report at Philly.com, a celebration of his life will be held Saturday, September 13, in his hometown of Spartanburg, SC at 1 PM local time.

O'Haire was a graduate of the World Championship Wrestling Power Plant, and debuted for the company in 2000. He was part of the stable of young bucks known as the Natural Born Thrillers, which included Mark Jindrak, Chuck Palumbo, Mike Sanders, and Reno. His contract was one of the many that came with WCW's purchase by the WWE in 2001. He initially started in a tag team with Palumbo, but was eventually sent to Ohio Valley Wrestling when it was still WWE's developmental territory. In early 2003, he debuted in a new character, one who "wasn't telling you anything you already didn't know." Although this hedonistic character had a lot of critical acclaim, it failed to garner any major momentum with crowds. O'Haire floundered in the company until November of 2003, when he suffered injuries in a motorcycle accident. Early in 2004, he was released from his contract.

O'Haire went onto compete as a kickboxer and a mixed-martial arts fighter off and on over the last decade. He settled down into private life in South Carolina, entering the public eye mainly for his proclivity towards abusing his various significant others. May those who were close to him, including his son Theodore, find peace and solace in their time of pain.

ETA: TMZ is reporting that O'Haire committed suicide by hanging, and was found by his father. Awful.

And their next victims...well, assuming they're victims...are...
Photo Credit: WWE.com

Usually when a show is spilling at the brim like this sometimes the message can be easily muddled, or become accidentally victimized by some sort of crazy highlight and/or stellar match that overshadows the rest of the program.

Yet considering the fact it was the go-home show for NXT Takeover: Adrian Neville vs. the World every one of the title matches in addition to the hair/hair Lefort/Amore showdown got their own individual moments to shine; no easy task with a six-match card in addition to several backstage segments.

So let's put the onus the same place Full Sail is putting it when it comes to the third Network Special: the four-way for the Big X. Every single match participant not only got a backstage segment to put themselves over but said sit-down monologues lead directly into matches that were cleanly swept by them all. (A possible missed opportunity by having one of them, perhaps especially Kidd lose before the big match, but c'est la vie and all that.) Tyler Breeze's Beauty Shot Out Of Nowhere showed the flash-bang ability of his finisher to suddenly get him the gold, with the victim being Tye Dillinger in this instance.

Tyson Kidd may've thought in the best pre-match talk that he was clearly his own gift to wrestling by combining the best elements of all his opponents into one body but then backed up the braggadocio by making his short-term rival Adam Rose tap out cleanly to the Sharpshooter mid-ring. Sami Zayn further put over his most beloved man in NXT status by stating he wanted to beat his friend for the belt just so there weren't any complaints or doubts given the match's nature and then barely needed a minute's worth of offense to snap off the signature Complete Shot/Koji Clutch combo that made Marcus Louis tap out. And Adrian Neville, the man who gravity forgot and who's sense possibly left him in setting up this Temple Run From Hell could've microwaved up a Netflix dinner in the amount of time it took for him to ultimately dispatch the (possibly) garbage CJ Parker with his trademark Red Arrow.

Again, this wasn't to set up any sort of spectacular match; after all, that's what the money for the Network is for, as Vincent Kennedy Draper would say if he existed. As an inoffensive series of palate refreshers in lieu of a video set to nu-rock delineating how this has been building since February in all directions, however, it served its purpose to the hilt.

The same could be said of Charlotte making the overmatched Alexa Bliss Bow Down to the Queen in the evening's first match, which was really a moving placeholder to get us to Bayley and Charlotte back in the ring together only this time with the bonus addition of Charlotte getting physical with her #1 contender only to get belly-to-Bayleyed at the soonest possible moment. Yet further development in the program -- physicality where there wasn't any on the previous episode, and in Bayley's character taking on the best character trait of a white hat in being someone who wants to adhere to the Code Of Honor but also recognizes you can't reason with the unreasonable and the uncivil deserve no quarter. As Archie Moore said of the mouthy challenger and Olympic gold medalist that'd just beat him and was moving on to face the indomitable Sonny Liston way back when, one hesitates to say that Bayley could beat Charlotte but you can guarantee that she'd provide her with an exceedingly interesting evening. Hug like a butterfly, suplex like a bee, Bay Bay. Rumble, young woman, rumble.

Let us conclude this report, since at NXTT2: ANvTW KENTA's debuting and as a result of the original Go To Sleeper making his first appearance under the Stamford umbrella the Internet will probably turn into a pool of joyous tears and drooling.

The #1 contenders are in the books, and to the disappointment of cymbal-banging monkeys everywhere it's the bilingual luchadores Sin Cara and Kalisto that'll be getting the shot at the Ascension. They had to get moved into the favorites column when their pre-match interview ended up revealing Devin Taylor kept a better handle on her conversational Spanish than some, and then their offense both tandem and in the case of Kalisto's how-is-this-not-a-finisher basement huracanrana driver set them up for victory after their Sliced Bread Numero Tres/senton bomb combo platter and a brief staredown with the Champions post-match.

The work's all been done, and the card's been set. With a pretty big legacy to follow, NXT Takeover II is seemingly set up to continue that and keep rolling on all cylinders. One can only hope as a longtime NXT fan that another trip to the fireworks factory is in the offering. That's the sort of thing that demands loud noises and all the flashy explosions, after all.

WHAT DID KENTA AND HOGAN SAY THIS WEEK? ANYTHING? I DON'T KNOW!
Photo Credit: WWE.com

Hello ladies and gentlemen, my name is HORB FLERBMINBER, and I used to be the webmaster at a little site called Pro Wrestling SKOOPZ. I lost my site thanks to a bet I made on Chael Sonnen at his last MMA fight, aka REAL WRESTLING. Anyway, even though TH is a filthy liar who makes up news and then slanders them on Twitter, he has given me my rightful webspace back to post all the scoops that you the reader deserve to read. I still hate his guts, however. Anyway, enough with the pleasantries, I have SCOOPS to dish out.

Basically, I serve up the HOTTEST SCOOPS for free right here, but if you want the scoops that are so blazingly scoring that they could melt steel, unlike the burning temperature of jet fuel (WAKE UP, SHEEPLE), you need to subscribe to my XXXCLUSIVE PAYWALL SCOOPS SERVICE. Just send $19.99 AMERICAN to this PayPal account. You'll get all the scoops that you won't get here or at any other dirt sheet. For example, how big is Hulk Hogan's penis? How about Ric Flair, how much is Naitch packing in his trunks? Who has the biggest schlong on the WWE roster? All that, plus SO MUCH MORE.

Also, if you want to get in on my archives, which include such SCOOPS as the reason why Vincent J. McMahon died (it wasn't cancer!) and how many members of the TNA office are members of the Illuminati (it's surprisingly a big number!), then you need to find the Jade Monkey before the next full moon so that you can uncover THE MAP that leads to the server that has all of my old stories on it. Where will this map lead you? Spoiler alert, you may need to bring along a sidearm and have larger rectal capacity than normal.

ADDITIONALLY, I am available to appear at parties, bar mitzvahs, christenings, funerals, and bachelor parties. My rates are negotiable, and they include expenses for brown liquor and canned food. Please contact me at ProWrestlingSKOOPZ@gmail.com for all booking inquiries. If you're unsure about what you're getting, check out this testimonial from Anna Bolic from Cos Cob, Connecticut!

Horb came to my son's 12th birthday party stinking of gin and BO. He verbally berated my son's best friend until both were crying, and he went on about how Tito Santana tried to stab him because he didn't believe that Taco Bell still sold the Cheesy Gordita Crunch. He puked in the ficus plant, and tried to ask the family dog out for a date. My son now swears that he'll never touch an alcoholic beverage even after he turns 21. I would hire Horb again in a heartbeat.

See, another satisfied customer!

Finally, I sell branded Pro Wrestling SKOOPZ merchandise. You can get t-shirts, coffee mugs, hoodies, dusters, duvet covers, posters, car wraps, and even TOILETS with the SKOOPZ logo on it:

All you have to do is send a self-addressed STAMPED envelope to this address:

Pro Wrestling SKOOPZ Merchandise
c/o Horb Flerbminber
5001 Central Ave.
Cheyenne, WY 82009

I will send you back the 621-page catalog with ALL the SKOOPZ merchandise you can handle.

Also this week, please head over to my sister site, Pro Wrestling TAEKS, now with 33% less malware!

- The biggest news of the week, KENTA will make an appearance at Takeover 2. SKOOPZ has CONFIRMED that he won't be wrestling, but he will be selling hot dogs in the stands to pay his dues.

- Yoshi Tatsu is confirmed to have early-onset CTE.

- Rumors are abounding that a current WWE superstar who is getting a push right now may not be getting that same push later on in the month, and that Vince McMahon changes his mind daily on whether he likes this current WWE superstar or not.

- For those who were worried that WWE was actively trying to murder Seth Rollins Monday, the company has confirmed that it's been out of risking the lives of its employees intentionally for about 15 years now.

- KENTA thinks the hot dog is a sandwich.

- The words "pro" and "wrestling" were uttered consecutively on a massively popular podcast hosted by a MMA personality.

- Brandon Halsey in the area of Grand Canyon University samaika Live TV Bellator middleweight title against Friday, September 26 is a storm in Phoenix heading back as Alexander Shlemenko Bellator cage. At the end of the event and a full preliminary card will feature a lightweight battle. GCU Arena box office for tickets, or GCUArena.com Bellator.com are now available for sale. Ryan Martinez, former heavyweight match in the fight against Spike.com, at the end of the night will steal anything off Nick Rossborough. Stocks heavily in a battle of players, Rossborough first to achieve the success of the warrior is ready for, but keep Martinez ended September 26, looking to have won five KO and powerful. Against his own state, the crowd, eager to make his mark in front of Michael Parker face Bellator cage. And have an impressive record of 19-6 with former featherweight semi-finals in the last 12 had won 10 of the dispute. Fans Parker GCU Arena Taimanglo soon his victories with 11 KO or exited and eight battle plans before a draw. First Bellator his, Arizona Estevan great desire to fight Derek Campos owner lightweight fighter aircraft. 3-1 winning record in warrior, winning five of the last six fights in the Bellator cage, no other nations to set,. Shame, known for his knockout power, and in the last five KO him win four. Phoenix would be Larue Burley rounded out the card face an Arizona resident primary partner Raymond Pina. Don Charles Brandon Girtz Penny in a heavyweight fight against Madrid put his talent to the test and Stuart Austin Yuka meet under.

- Shane Douglas went on the PA at the Target he manages in South Philadelphia to announce that employee Jamal McIntyre had a phone call.

- Dean Ambrose's return date has been confirmed to be 6/9 at 4:20 PM. Observers call this return date "Nice."

- Reaction backstage to KENTA thinking that a hot dog is a sandwich is split. Some agree with him, and some think he's getting too big of an ego and that he should have his push scuttled.

- Big news from the Lucha Underground tapings, as half the names of the wrestlers on the roster are just "Killer" spelled backwards.

- Sting will continue his tour with Paul Simon into 2015 on the continent of Europe. It is unknown at this time whether he will be back for his long-rumored match at WrestleMania against the Undertaker, although rumors now point to a Sting and Paul Simon tag match against Undertaker and Art Garfunkel.

- Hulk Hogan apparently thinks that KENTA thinks the hot dog is a sandwich because it's the same color as Hogan's skin.

- CM Punk is angry.

- Last week's poll results showed that 45% respondents would orally pleasure both Jado and Gedo, 33% would only service Jado, 12% only Gedo, and 10% would only manually stimulate the New Japan bookers. This week's poll:

WHO IS THE BIGGEST STAR?

Russo is JR's guest this week
Photo Credit: Pyro and Ballyoo Facebook page

If you're new, here's the rundown: I listen to a handful of wrestling podcasts each week. Too many, probably, though certainly not all of them. In the interest of saving you time — in case you have the restraint to skip certain episodes — the plan is to give the bare bones of a given show and let you decide if it’s worth investing the time to hear the whole thing. There are better wrestling podcasts out there, of course, but these are the ones in my regular rotation that I feel best fit the category of hit or miss. If I can save other folks some time, I'm happy to do so.

Show: The Ross Report
Episode: 30 (Sept. 10, 2014)
Run Time: 1:53:26
Guest: Vince Russo

Summary: After an utterly useless monologue, the interview starts at 29:44. Russo defers early questions about TNA — the interview was taped the day before his termination — before discussing the death of Owen Hart and then getting into his writing strategy, wrestling background and feelings about the current product. There’s plenty of the usual self-defense from Russo (though JR isn’t actually critical) and a hefty dose of Attitude Era nostalgia. Russo explains the difference between his time in WWF and WCW. There’s specific talk about modern WWE, and John Cena in particular.

Quote of the week:“My philosophy was this simple: Do whatever you have to do in the course of those two hours to get as many eyeballs watching your product as possible. End of story. Period. You had a two-hour window to do whatever you had to do to get as many people to watch, because the more people that watch your show, and I’m preaching to the choir, you know JR, ticket sales, merchandise, pay-per-view buys, everything revolves around that audience on Monday night. And that’s why, whatever we had to do, good, bad or indifferent, the goal was to get as many people to watch the show as possible. And that’s all we tried to do on a weekly basis.”

Why you should listen: If you can’t get enough behind-the-scenes talk or theoretical discussion about the best way to produce wrestling, this is the show for you. Ross and Russo are well suited to discuss the topic at hand, and if you’re never heard a Russo interview it’s worth paying attention at least once to get a better understanding for how the guy actually sees the world. Or maybe you have some sort of morbid curiosity and want to know if Russo really is everything you expect him to be (spoiler alert: he totally is).

Why you should skip it: Russo’s two-part interview with Steve Austin earlier this summer was far more insightful. Those shows focused on how Russo got into and advanced through the business and exposed some of the actual humanity behind someone most fans have come to see as a caricature — largely through Russo’s own fault, but still. Further, Russo is absolutely grating. Some people simply can’t get past his harsh personality to possibly access the (fleeting) valuable insight that might bring a new perspective to the way wrestling is perceived.

Final thoughts: Jim Ross is just not a great interviewer. Rather than draw new information from his guest, he often restates his own familiar opinion and seeks his guest’s reaction. He’ll switch the topic, suddenly and seemingly at random, from a discussion of the Rock’s 1998 heel turn to whether Bray Wyatt’s character is an heir to the Undertaker and then quickly to Russo’s departure to WCW. He takes pride in the fact he and Russo didn’t verbally spar on the show despite opposing views on the best way to create compelling television, but this show could have benefited from focusing on those differences instead of falling back on the areas of agreement.

I Listen So You Don't Have To: The Ross Report, ep. 29

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Your Midweek Links: Paige Fans and the Bad NFL

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I Listen So You Don't Have To: The Ross Report Ep. 30